Tough as nails. I’ve never been less ashamed to use save states, and this is the easier version.

With how daring Simon’s Quest was, it’s a little disappointing this game just went back to Castlevania 1, but bigger and better. But with that being said, this is Castlevania 1 but bigger and better, and Castlevania 1 is a fine game. The visuals and audio are stunning for the time, it’s dripping with atmosphere, and the branching paths and multiple characters are a great touch. It’s difficult to recommend due to just how ball bustingly hard it can be, but if you have the time to master it, why not? It’s better than the Netflix show based on it anyhow.

Quite possibly no game has ever needed a remake quite as desperately as the original Metroid, a game bursting with fresh ideas and artistic talent that unfortunately came too early to take advantage of it. Seriously, a metroidvania without a map is nigh unplayable. So how fortunate we are to have received this game. Metroid: Zero Mission is a faithful recreation of the original experience, minus the getting hopelessly lost, the empty backgrounds, the lack of any idea where you're supposed to go next to progress, and, in general, all the bad parts. It overcompensates a little too much at times and gets handholdy, but if that's too big of an issue, the original game is included in this one as a reward for beating it!

There are a few problems. Some of the controls are still janky (looking at you, screw attack), some of the flashing effects are overwhelming, and I have mixed feelings on the final chapter. The stealth mission segment is fun and creative, but is not a satisfying follow-up to fighting mother brain and doesn't suit the game's style very well. However, getting that overpowered suit at the end and blasting through everything with the triumphant music is definitely a more fitting conclusion. I only wish the final boss was more climactic. A few super missiles, and he's dead. Way easier than mother brain.

Overall, this is the definitive way to experience the first metroid, and I'm so glad it got a second chance.

Sometimes, you play too many good video games and you have to bring yourself back down to earth by playing deal or no deal for the nintendo ds.

For what it's worth, it perfectly translates the level of engagement the show provides, which is none. Except at least those people are winning real money, the stakes here are so low they're endangering vampires in the earth's core. It's boring as sin, and it doesn't even have the courtesy to look nice. The game looks like shit, which is remarkable for something so simple. Even the music and sound effects are grating.

And despite all that, this game manages to crawl even lower. It doesn't even fucking work. The numbers aren't random, they're in predetermined sets, which becomes obvious if you for unknown reasons play the game more than once. They couldn't even get this remarkably simple concept right. Even the audience is broken, cheering and crying out in dismay at the incorrect times.

This game had one extremely simple, boring job, and it couldn't even do that. And it retailed for 30 entire dollars. 45 dollars today if you adjust for inflation. Every time you find yourself in awe of how fantastic video games are, how far they've come as a medium, remember the deal or no deals lurking in the depths, and keep yourself humble.