ohhtee
7 reviews liked by ohhtee
Pokémon X
2013
the beginning of the straight line simulator that would become most modern pokemon games, first game in full 3D was interesting for a second, until you realize the models have so much less life than the sprites. megas are an alright gimmick but charizard and mewtwo get two, where i wanted more underused pokemon to get megas, not the insanely popular ones.
Played as part of CONQUERING MY CHILDHOOD
Crusty shit that can only be appreciated by a particular subset of freaks. If your eyes don't light up with glee upon seeing the intro custcene as you reflexively start counting the pixels, you're not the right person for this game.
Audiovisual pulp that feels like the videogame equivalent of spending too much time messing around with the animation tools in PowerPoint instead of doing your homework. An admittedly very nice graphical backdrop penetrated by intermittent 30-second riffs and a voiceover having way more fun than anyone playing the game. Level and hazard themes that feel like they were plucked out of a hat and vomited into existence, populated with cars carrying names such as Sooo Fast, Cabbin' Fever, and Surfin' School Bus.
Driving that will filter anyone but the finest purveyors of shit; tight resolution, manic camera and finnicky handling ensure that the levels are unintelligible and half your shots will go off the mark in some way, leaving you slamming into a wall or off the side of the map. Yet the levels are very easy all the same, particularly when you discover the ability to buy upgrades and push your favourite car multiple steps towards godhood.
None of these are criticisms, and none of these things I would change. As you finish the game in under an hour, you quickly realise that the real game was actually contained within the collectibles and bonus levels you skipped. What seemed at the outset to be a game about cars driving into each other becomes a puzzle-racing game about routing and execution, and it all falls into place. The awkward driving isn't there to make hititng everyone take a bit longer, mastering precise driving is a skill to be learned. The tight field of view raises the importance of familiarising yourself with each level. And the timer on these collectibles gets tighter and tighter each time, so you'd better get good at all of these.
Giving this crusty licensed game a 3.5* puts it on par with my ratings of well-beloved titles like Super Mario World and Pokemon Emerald. Games that are clearly of a much higher quality, and that are much easier to appreciate. Is it really fair to put this game on the same level as those?
Yeah, I think so.
Crusty shit that can only be appreciated by a particular subset of freaks. If your eyes don't light up with glee upon seeing the intro custcene as you reflexively start counting the pixels, you're not the right person for this game.
Audiovisual pulp that feels like the videogame equivalent of spending too much time messing around with the animation tools in PowerPoint instead of doing your homework. An admittedly very nice graphical backdrop penetrated by intermittent 30-second riffs and a voiceover having way more fun than anyone playing the game. Level and hazard themes that feel like they were plucked out of a hat and vomited into existence, populated with cars carrying names such as Sooo Fast, Cabbin' Fever, and Surfin' School Bus.
Driving that will filter anyone but the finest purveyors of shit; tight resolution, manic camera and finnicky handling ensure that the levels are unintelligible and half your shots will go off the mark in some way, leaving you slamming into a wall or off the side of the map. Yet the levels are very easy all the same, particularly when you discover the ability to buy upgrades and push your favourite car multiple steps towards godhood.
None of these are criticisms, and none of these things I would change. As you finish the game in under an hour, you quickly realise that the real game was actually contained within the collectibles and bonus levels you skipped. What seemed at the outset to be a game about cars driving into each other becomes a puzzle-racing game about routing and execution, and it all falls into place. The awkward driving isn't there to make hititng everyone take a bit longer, mastering precise driving is a skill to be learned. The tight field of view raises the importance of familiarising yourself with each level. And the timer on these collectibles gets tighter and tighter each time, so you'd better get good at all of these.
Giving this crusty licensed game a 3.5* puts it on par with my ratings of well-beloved titles like Super Mario World and Pokemon Emerald. Games that are clearly of a much higher quality, and that are much easier to appreciate. Is it really fair to put this game on the same level as those?
Yeah, I think so.
this game is FANTASTIC, thank you for making my childhood great
i have so many amazing memories of sitting in my basement playing this game with my friend on one of the most broken TVs in existence, and while those MEMORIES are some of my favorite times during childhood, playing this game today is like asking for your face to be dragged over cement. for how "wacky" and "over-the-top" this game tries to be, it somehow has less charm and less witty commentary than Saints Row 2. also the open world is SO small it's almost laughable, if you unlock the fastet plane in the game (which isnt super fast) you can pretty much circle the whole map in under a minute.
Hades
2018
i love greek mythology and this is a very interesting take on it, and the randomization with the levels and your own combat make it very replayable
A Hat in Time
2017
this game is so charming you kinda forget that most of it has been done better in so many other games :3
Grand Theft Auto V
2013
eh, it wasnt my thing, althought ive played a shit ton of it lmao