princessbeach
2022
they made it worse by making it better
2003
better than either persona 4 arena
2013
the worst video game i have ever played in my entire life. if this website let me put less than half a star i would.
there are many, many great moments in beyond: two souls. every single one of them ends up making the experience worse.
one day, willem dafoe should be in a good video game
there are many, many great moments in beyond: two souls. every single one of them ends up making the experience worse.
one day, willem dafoe should be in a good video game
1986
it's nobody's fault that this is a bad game, but thank god it got made
the game people pretend the original metroid is
2013
a vertical monitor stress dream about pizza delivery
two buttons and a sad girl
in so many ways this is the best of the three original layton games but god i still hate the twist. maybe the one time the franchise would have been better off playing something totally straight. still earns its ending, and it's hard to deny that part of why the ending works is because of the shitty twist. but i have to imagine a world exists where a better needle is threaded, with the threading done more carefully.
the actual best layton game, fuck the haters, randall 4eva
this game is so bugfuckedly stupid it's genuinely admirable. you know how stephen king claims he just doesn't remember writing dreamcatcher? like he was in a drug haze the whole time and it just Happened To Him? this game feels more insane than that.
on days when i'm a bitch i WILL claim this is better than unwound future, just to see how much it hurts the people i love
on days when i'm a bitch i WILL claim this is better than unwound future, just to see how much it hurts the people i love
not very good. bad, in fact. this was the first layton i played, and i swore off the franchise for literal years because of it
your best friend is throwing a wedding. it's embarrassing and ends on a really bad note but it never stops being delightful and it's full of things you'll never forget.
you make a very good friend during the reception.
you make a very good friend during the reception.
ea really tried to hide this shit from me
initially i buried the lede, but i'm angry enough that i won't: this is a story david cage would write wrapped in a game good enough that he would hate every second of it.
lorelei and the laser eyes is a flawless dollhouse construction of beautiful puzzleboxes. the art and design is excellent and when it pulls a gimmick it pulls it excellently. it pushes, dramatically, towards one-upping the mechanical center of outer wilds' climax (with several more moving parts, each with a highlights mathmania's worth of fun little tricks to solve).
the problem is that the game also wants to one up the emotional climax of outer wilds, and it doesn't know what the fuck a human being is. the best it can offer you is a mannequin, with a mannequin of that same mannequin off to the side, in the corner, winking solemnly. it is a sad joke, an attempt at a gut punch so limp that it made me the angriest i've been at a video game all year. it is rare that i am this impressed by a video game i feel for a moment i might actually hate.
the worst part is that i know these motherfuckers can do the work. there is good writing in many inches of the margins here, and, besides, they've made one bonafide goddamn video game narrative masterpiece (device 6, a much better game than this overall) so it's all the more disappointing.
at least the end credits song is basically another sayonara wild hearts track.
probably the most angry i've been at a video game in years. hell, even twelve minutes was funny to think about.
lorelei and the laser eyes is a flawless dollhouse construction of beautiful puzzleboxes. the art and design is excellent and when it pulls a gimmick it pulls it excellently. it pushes, dramatically, towards one-upping the mechanical center of outer wilds' climax (with several more moving parts, each with a highlights mathmania's worth of fun little tricks to solve).
the problem is that the game also wants to one up the emotional climax of outer wilds, and it doesn't know what the fuck a human being is. the best it can offer you is a mannequin, with a mannequin of that same mannequin off to the side, in the corner, winking solemnly. it is a sad joke, an attempt at a gut punch so limp that it made me the angriest i've been at a video game all year. it is rare that i am this impressed by a video game i feel for a moment i might actually hate.
the worst part is that i know these motherfuckers can do the work. there is good writing in many inches of the margins here, and, besides, they've made one bonafide goddamn video game narrative masterpiece (device 6, a much better game than this overall) so it's all the more disappointing.
at least the end credits song is basically another sayonara wild hearts track.
probably the most angry i've been at a video game in years. hell, even twelve minutes was funny to think about.