15 reviews liked by upsidedownclaude


YURI DE MECHAS YURI DE MECHAS!!!!!!

This review contains spoilers

WHAT IS A GENDER, you ask me while we float through space.

You fool. Gender is not a reality. It's more like gravity pulling our mechanized-selves and bodies together, who knows for whatever shitty reason. Let's just dance in the rave and transcend.

I will come back in the future and play all of the endings. Shit is dense, but in a good kind of dense

An alternate 1980s mecha visual novel with three female characters that enjoy flirting as much as or more than fighting, with a plot focused on identity, queerness, and with both the combat and metaphysical concepts taking elements from Gundam to Gurren Lagan. Three characters to choose from with each getting different faction information and supporting characters, each focused on a different kind of mech they pilot and story/setting information focus with ideas presented often tied around different forms of activism. Nice stylistic art and music choices.

In this game, people who disagree with blue haired girls are sentenced to hard labor at the Black Tower... just like real life 😔

If you disagree with red haired girls instead, you face an even worse punishment than hard labor: being forced to play Oracle of Seasons.

I don't blame the game's programmer, Todd Frye, for the way this port turned out at all considering the hardware at the time but dear LORD this is an insult to the original in every which way.

It's like an executive walked by a Pac-Man arcade game once and tried to describe it to someone trying to recreate it. And, programming limitations aside, I still don't get why Pac-Man has an eye? Or why the portals are on the top and bottom? Or why Atari apparently had a dumbass policy saying that only space games can have black background? WHAT is the point of it? So some confused consumer doesn't walk by and purchase it on sight for thinking it's a space game and they get mad cause it's not?? I really wish I knew what was going on in that time period.

The gameplay itself is...not great either. Pac-Man moves fine but the flickering ghosts give me a headache and they cycle too fast for me to see. Maybe they could have changed up the gameplay so that you have to keep track of all of the ghosts and where they are at all times. I don't know, there was really no saving this game. I need to pop some of those pills that Pac-Man was eating in this port so I can send myself into a coma.

Man this game was an absolute gem to play as a kid. The techno music, the robot assistant narrator, and the space sky all contribute to an immaculate vibe of futuristic wonder. Machines that seem to serve no real purpose other than to serve as an obstacle course for no one in an endless void. All that remains now is your sentient marble with its goal of reaching the beam of light to ascend itself to the immortal realm.

As a kid, I got more joy out of seeing how far I could launch the marble out of bounds through being knocked around by obstacles, or by picking up tremendous speed with the rocket powerup, or by gaining an obscene amount of momentum in Black Diamond than by actually trying to complete the level with its sometimes wonky (but still fun) physics. When I was playing, all I wanted to do was to launch my marble into the endless void, much like how one would want to explore the depths of space from the comfort of their own bed.

This game is representative of the aimless and carefree playstyle that I could only get by plopping myself on the couch with a controller with nothing better to do. While I'm proud of myself for being able to play games in a more engaging manner and interact with them in a meaningful artistic way, I will always miss the days when my mind was only a single marble bouncing around in an abstract space.

Fuck being sad that Mario RPGs don't have "deep" stories anymore, I'm sad that Mario RPGs won't be this completely unhinged anymore. Between Mario almost punching a child, the late-game boss that ends with what is effectively a suicide joke, and like half the shit that Ted Woolsey added, I never knew how much I wanted a Mario game with this much unhinged energy.

Ib

2012

Ib fans when I show them Mario 64 (actually scary game about paintings, Nintendo YouTubers told me so)