(The Nerd takes out a cartridge that looks like a piece of bread from the Nintoaster, throws it away, and puts in "Punch-Out!!" and plays it.)
The Nerd: It's a Nintoaster. And yes, it works.
(The Angry Video Game Nerd Theme starts, then the "Dam Busters" song plays)
The Nerd: Are you ready for some action? Some Action 52? I suppose so, because I get requests for this game all the time. Like this one right here. Action 52: "Fuck this game, please do a review of it. You asshole. Thanks." Wow. I guess I got to do it now.
The Nerd: Let's start with the cartridge. It's the freak misfit of the NES library. Games came in gray, black, blue, silver, gold, but clear? You can tell just by looking at it, this is a game that's so bad, it has nothing to hide.
The Nerd: Another thing, if you play for more than an hour, not that you'd want to, it gets really hot and smells like burning plastic. It's not because of the toaster. The same thing happens if you play it in the Toploader.
The Nerd: Not only is this game crap, but it's crap that comes with a price: $199.00.
The Nerd: That's a lot of money. But there's 52 games. (The Nerd takes out his calculator out of his shirt pocket and starts doing calculations) So let me calculate this: $199 divided by 52 equals... (calculator shows 3.826923) Uh... well, you gotta pay tax too, so let's just say $4 a game. Wow. What a deal. 52 action-packed games bundled in to one cartridge? All for an efficient price? It was every kid's dream. MORE GAMES! MORE GAMES! YEAH!
(Game starts up)
The Nerd: Lights... Camera... Action 52! (exclaims sarcastically) Where did they get the music?
(Scene shows an album from Rob Base & D.J. E-Z Rock: "It Takes Two.") (Music that also plays from that album in "Action 52" is the digitized version of "It Takes Two.")
The Nerd: Okay... um, the significance? It Takes Two, Action 52? (He shrugs)
Digitized Voice: Make your selection now.
The Nerd: Well, let's get this thing started. We're gonna have ourselves a little marathon here and determine if the $199 was worth it.
(Keep in mind, some glitches the Nerd encountered in this episode on his cartridge can be problems with his individual copy of the cartridge, being because they poorly designed each cartridge of Action 52 and Cheetahmen 2. If only the Nerd knew that.)
1. Firebreather / Fire Breathers
The Nerd: Game Number 1: Firebreather. Okay... well, it's pretty self-explanatory. And would you know this is the only game on the entire cartridge that's two players only? Gee, which game should we start with? Well, how about the only game you can't play alone? Well, that's $4 wasted already.
2. Starevil / Star Evil
The Nerd: Number 2: Star Evil.
(The Nerd starts the game, and the plane which he is controlling crashes into a wall. He is shocked.)
The Nerd: Who's gonna dodge that?! Nobody. Not the first time. You'd have to know: "Oh, this is gonna be a vertical 2D shooter, and there's gonna be an obstacle immediately at the start of the game." Well, that's one way to get you on your toes. Other than that, it's real easy. As long as you keep firing, none of the enemies come anywhere near you. I guess that makes sense. If I was an intergalactic vacuum cleaner getting shot at, I'd be like, "Oh, fuckin' Hell! There's a menorah shooting Q-Tips! Get out of the way!" Not even the first level boss wants to be involved. Sometimes it doesn't show up at all, and you're stuck in a dead end. What happened? Did the game give up? (groans) That's another $4. Next.
3. Illuminator
The Nerd: Number 3: Illuminator. You're not even allowed to see in this game? Real "fun" idea. For a room that has about a thousand light bulbs, it sure goes dark a lot. And they're just decoration. Thought you could light a room with a light? No, you got to kill vampires. But, after you've killed one, you only get one second before the room goes dark again. Who wants to play a game that's pitch black? It's so black I can see my reflection on the screen. The question is: How much more black could this be? And the answer... is none. And no, you can't go any higher. This is it. Great fucking game.
4. G-Force Fgt. / G-Force (G-Force Fighter)
The Nerd: Number 4: G-Force F--... what?! Or just G-Force. It's another 2D shooter. You know what? This would be okay... for Atari 2600. The only two controls are move and shoot. This game was made in 1991, the same year Super NES came out. Not to mention, if you wanna play a good 2D side-scroller game on the NES, try fucking Life Force. And what is this anyway? An inside-out dolphin shooting at roadkill toads? I don't know, I'm just using my imagination. That's all you have when you play this miserable pile of goat shit.
5. Ooze
The Nerd: Number 5: Ooze. (sarcastically) Oh, wow. A title screen? Really? (Sees some green blobs on the screen, and he becomes shocked) Oh my God, it's... it's...! (Multiple Shit Pickles appear, startling the Nerd)
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle, Shit Pickle!
The Nerd: (Exclaiming)
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle, Shit Pickle, Shit Pickle!
The Nerd: Whoa!
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle!
The Nerd: OH!
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle!
The Nerd: Uh-- Shit--
Shit Pickle: Pickle! Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shit!
The Nerd: (yells sarcastically)
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle!
The Nerd: All righty then... Okay.
The Nerd: Well, this is the first game that uses the B button... for JUMPING! Any gamer who grew up with Super Mario Bros. expects A to jump. (which B, for jumping, is usually found in many bootleg games) But that's the least of our worries. To jump over a hole, you have to tap the B button, and then press over. If you're holding the B button like you normally would, it locks you vertically until you let go. It's an anomaly of game programming.
The Nerd: You know what's really weird? Whenever you restart the menu, it always starts at Ooze. Is that the programmers' personal recommendation? Well, so far, every one of these games is a bomb. But out of 52, I'm sure that eventually we'll find one that's decent. (drinks a bottle of Rolling Rock, has a worried expression) I hope.
6. Silver Sword
The Nerd: Number 6: Silver Sword. Well, green, green, and more green. What is this? A cabbage patch on a golf course infested with killer scrotums? This is a disgrace to the NES. The same platform that brought us games like The Legend of Zelda. Silver Sword. The sword isn't even silver. Maybe it's corroded.
7. Critical BP. / Crytical Bypass (Critical Bypass)
The Nerd: Number 7: Critical BP. Or Critical Bypass. Oh, now it's spelled with a Y? Aww, that's dreadful. It's like an optical illusion. Well, that's pretty bad when the game causes eye strain and you can't even fucking look at it. What is this anyway? A pogo ball on a segway shooting at birthday presents? Augh, Critical Bypass. It's critical that you bypass this game.
8. Jupitr Scope / Jupiter Scope
The Nerd: Number 8: Jupiter Scope. Nice. Another space shooter. This time you're a dead whale shooting at flaming condoms. That's what it looks like. The screen never moves. It's like Space Invaders, except without many invaders. Half of the time, you're just sitting around waiting.
The Nerd: Come on. Give me something to shoot at. Losing at this game is impossible. Just hold down the fire button and move back and forth. Okay. What's next?
9. Alfredo / Alfred N The Fettuc (Alfred and the Fettuccine)
Number 9: Alfredo. Or Alfred N The Fettuc. Yeah, fettuc. You never heard of fettuc?
(The Nerd expects a game, only to be greeted with a black screen because of the poorly-designed cartridge.)
The Nerd: What happened? Where's the fucking game?
(The Nerd gets up and resets the game; as he starts Alfredo again, there is no luck)
(Crickets chirping)
The Nerd: Well, there's no game here. What happened? Did the programmers pass out, or did they just figure nobody would check all 52 games? Well, that's $4 wasted. But I guess I can't say I'm really too excited over playing a game called Alfredo, also known as Alfred N The Fettuc.
10. Operat. Moon / Operation Full Moon
The Nerd: Number 10: Operation Full Moon. Now, that's puke green if I ever saw it. The nauseating hue combined with a texture of vomit makes me think that this game ate Silver Sword and barfed it out.
11. Dam Busters
The Nerd: Number 11: Dam Busters. Those dam (damn) busters. Well, it should've been called "Alien Beaver Tomato Fight". That's all it is. You're a beaver shooting tomatoes and navigating through a maze. Oops, dead end.
(The beaver is trapped in the dead end, and he can't get out.)
The Nerd: What the shit? You can't go back? I'm trapped? You're shitting me! This game...is shitting me. (Scene shows Action 52 cartridge literally shitting him out)
12. Thrusters
The Nerd: Number 12: Thrusters. Another space shooter. Well, it's the same game as before, just different graphics. Where do they come up with these objects? I'm running out of imagination here. I can't decide for anything-(The game starts glitching up) Especially when the game starts having a FUCKING SEIZURE!
13. Haunted Hill / Haunted Halls (Haunted Halls of Wentworth)
The Nerd: Number 13: Haunted Hill. Wow. A human being. I can't believe it actually looks like something. Man, her boobs are bigger than her head. It's a shitty side-scroller with the same bad controls as Ooze. Sadly, it's the best game so far. Out of the way, you fucking ghosts, here comes Mrs. Tits, jumping like she's on the fucking moon! Die, you onion face balloon floating... uh... thing. (It might actually be a spider, just that you can't see the legs because they are the same color as the background.) (The character dies in mid-air.) I died by touching the AIR?!
14. Chill Out
The Nerd: Number 14: Chill Out. I wish I could chill out. This is horrendous. This one's basically an Eskimo snowball massacre. Climb down shits and ladders and throw snowballs. What's this? I died in mid-air?! That seems to be a theme we're running into here. This game... doesn't even care it sucks.
The Nerd: Gee... How much money did we waste so far? Like, $56, I think? That's already exceeded the average price of a Nintendo game.
15. Sharks
The Nerd: Number 15: Sharks. Yeah. Sharks. Sometimes sharks. Most of the time not. Well, you're stuck on this one screen, but you sure have full rein. You can swim through the ocean floor. (The ocean floor might actually be part of the background.) And that's all it is. Just hope for sharks to come and shoot 'em.
16. Megalonia
The Nerd: Number 16: Megalonia. ANOTHER SPACE SHOOTER?! Flying through McDonald's arches? No, thanks.
17. French Baker
The Nerd: Number 17: French Baker. Oh man. You're a chef and the kitchen is really getting out of hand. Everything's trying to kill you: hoagies, envelopes, and doughnuts. (The Nerd pronounces it like Dog Nuts) And what do you do? Hit 'em with your rolling pin and... don't drop down. You'll disintegrate. That's always nice.
18. Atmos Quake
The Nerd: Number 18: Atmos Quake. (exclaims in disgust) ANOTHER SPACE SHOOTER?! I pass.
The Nerd: (Sighs) ...I'm only up to number 19? Geez. Fuck.
(Next list)
19. Meong
The Nerd: Number 19: Meong. (The character advances four steps, then explodes, shocking the Nerd) What the fuck?! (replay) Okay, get this: You move from square to square hoping that the next square won't make you explode. So, it's like a memory game that can only be done with trial and error. Good Lord.
20. Space Dreams
The Nerd: Number 20: Space Dreams. (sarcastically) Oh, my. What's this gonna be? (normal voice) Why, of course. Another space shooter. This time, you're a pacifier shooting at weird dolls, rabbits, and safety pins. Safety pins as enemies in a video game. (2 seconds later) Where do they come up with this stuff?
Action 52 Designer: (played by James D. Rolfe, who plays the Nerd) Gee, what kind of enemy could I have for this game? I have 32 games left I have to program, so I have to hurry up. (he sees a safety pin that was lying on his table and picks it up) Ahh! Safety pin! That'll be perfect! (he puts the safety pin down and types in the computer) Next game. [ :) ]
21. Streemerz
The Nerd: Number 21: Streemerz. You're a clown climbing up platforms like Spider-Man. Ooh, a rabbit in a hat. What does that do? Nothing at all. A bag of money? How about that? It turns into a green frowning face. Is that supposed to teach you a lesson that taking money is greedy? No, I think I'm reading way too deep into it. Oh, then the game crashes. Good.
22. Spread Fire
The Nerd: Number 22: Spread Fire. What is this?! They should've called this "Shooter Games 52"! This time, you're a lobster. You don't go anywhere and half the time, there's nothing to shoot at. These kind of games must have been the easiest to design. Make a black background, cover it in dots, and call it space. You know what? It's getting old.
23. Bublgum Rosy / Bubble Gum Rossie (Bubble Gum Rosie)
The Nerd: Number 23: Bubble Gum Rosy. Or Bubble Gum Rossie. (sarcastically) Yay! I've always wanted to play a game where I'm a little girl shooting bubbles! (normally) Wait a minute. You can't even kill people? Well, what do you expect? They're bubbles. You can jump on the enemies. Or wait... can you? And falling in spikes... doesn't hurt you. This game... has no rules.
24. Micro Mike / Micro-Mike
The Nerd: Number 24: Micro-Mike. Wow. Look out, Micro-Mike. You're going too fast. Even if you have the quickest reflexes, you'll never be able to avoid the walls or other random objects that stand in your way. If only Micro-Mike would slow the fuck down!
25. Underground
The Nerd: Number 25: Underground. Well, at least it looks like underground. (Dies by touching the mushroom) Wait a minute, this guy can fall down 50 feet and survive, but if he touches the mushroom, he spins around like a bowling pin and dies? (ends up with an obstacle of enemies, that would be impossible to avoid) And what am I supposed to do here? What do I do?
(the Nerd drinks a bottle of Rolling Rock)'
The Nerd: Wow. 25 shitty games...and still going. This is an endurance, man. I've never played such a huge compilation of crap in my life. Was the whole idea to make so many shitty games that there'd be no more shitty games left to make? Out of all these, there's got to be at least one that's... tolerable.
26. Rocket Jock / Rocket Jockey
The Nerd: Number 26: Rocket Jock. Or Rocket Jockey. (sighs) You're a cowboy on a rocket with a lasso. If you actually use the lasso, that would be... kind of cool. But I guess they figured they didn't have enough games that SHOOT. Yeah, kill those cows. Turn them into uh... a bowl of cereal with a puppy dog. (It's actually a cow upside down, bleeding)
27. Non Human
The Nerd: Number 27: Non Human. Well, isn't that an appropriate title? Everything about these games are non-human. Except for that very human-like face. Or are they aliens? Or what are these for? Other than the faces just being the area where you die, which takes up half the screen. (annoyed) Augh, you know you're playing a "great" game when you can't even jump over a hole. Augh, you can try all day, but you'll always fall down into the purple dimension of green faces.
28. Cry Baby
The Nerd: Number 28: Cry Baby. By now, you'd be crying. So it's like the game is mocking you. Okay, what's wrong with this picture? (switches between the baby and an enemy) Baby? Adult? Baby? Adult? And what about him, huh? What the Hell is going on here? Why does the floor look like ice cube trays? What are you attacking with? Why do you die when you fall off the furniture? Why? What? Why?
29. Slashers
The Nerd: Number 29: Slashers. Uh... Slashers? I thought it would be like a horror game. Instead, it's a poor man's version of Double Dragon. Saying that is being extremely generous. It makes Bad Dudes look like a masterpiece. At least the backgrounds change. What are these? Beer steins? You're not even allowed to walk past anybody. When an enemy appears, you stop dead in your tracks and can't move until you have a punching match to the death. There's zero strategy. You just mash buttons. And what are these? Hookers? I guess this guy doesn't understand the concept of a hooker. You're supposed to fuck her, not fuck her up. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Die, boob lady! Ugh!
30. Crazy Shufle / Crazy Shuffle
The Nerd: Number 30: Crazy Shuffle. Could the characters be any smaller? You're a tiny, indescribable object shooting tiny dots at other tiny objects. Sounds like fun? Well, guess what? It isn't.
31. Fuzz Power
The Nerd: Number 31: Fuzz Power. Well, fuzz is right. You're some guy with a big nose, big feet, and lots of fuzz. You roll around fighting blow dryers and haircombs. What's that? Popcorn? Oh, no! I'm getting hit! I'm losing my fuzz! Now I'm... naked. Yeah. Whoever came up with this is an asshole!
(screen shows the Nerd on TV. Below the TV is a caption reading TV Version)
The Nerd: Whoever came up with this is an ass[bleep]! (he turns to the camera) Ass! Hole? Ass[bleep]! (shrugs and shakes his head) Television makes a "lot" of sense.
32. Shooting Gal / Shooting Gallery
The Nerd: Number 32: Shooting Gallery. The easiest shooting game ever. The targets never disappear until you hit them, there's no time limit, you never run out of ammo, and you can't die. Which means the game will never end. Fortunately, you can go back to the menu by pausing the game and hitting Select. (black screen) Augh, except for this game. The one fucking game that doesn't end crashes when you try to quit. Reset. (Yet again, being because of his cartridge.)
33. Lollipops / Lollipop
The Nerd: Number 33: Lollipop. Are you kidding me? Why not a sword or a machine gun? Who wants a fucking lollipop? How do you climb up a ladder? Wanna take a guess? Pushing Up on the D-Pad? No, you jump. Who the Hell jumps up a ladder? And you know what? The controls in all these games are so bad, I've forgotten that B is jump and A is attack. I've been playing for so long, I've sort of adapted to its crap factor. I swear, next time I play a regular platformer, I'm gonna try jumping with B.
34. Evil Empire
The Nerd: Number 34: Evil Empire. (groans) Game sprites so small you need a magnifying glass? That seems to be a theme here too. (some sprites clump up together on a high platform) Look at that. There's some crazy shit going on over there. I wanna join the party. (the character dies in mid-air!) Oops. Dying in mid-air. I can understand dying because you're jumping from too high, but can't they at least make you die when you hit the ground?!
35. Sombreros
The Nerd: Number 35: Sombreros. Well, I guess you're wearing a sombrero, shooting at vacuum cleaners on the street. Not much to say.
The Nerd: I've lost all hope. 52 games, they all probably suck. I can think of some pretty bad games. Like, Little Red Hood, that's a horrible game, but at least it's ONE horrible game, not 52! You know what's more fun than playing Action 52? (the Nerd picks up his deck of poker cards) 52 Card Pickup. You know how you play that? (the Nerd scatters the cards onto the ground) PICK UP THE CARDS.
36. Storm Over D / Storm Over the Des. (Storm Over The Desert)
The Nerd: Number 36: Storm Over the Desert. Ooh. Another title screen. So you're an army tank shooting at other army tanks, which happen to be pink. Also, there's no way to die. Anything you touch will explode. Those pink tanks are fucking pussies. (a huge sprite of Saddam Hussein appears on the screen) What the Hell? A giant Saddam Hussein? How did they fuck up the scale this bad? The soldiers aren't giant, so why Saddam? Now I'm getting tired of this. Can someone at least try to kill me? (follows another tank) Hey, you! You! Get over here! Mmmmmmmmgh! Pause and Select, get me out of here.
The Nerd: Well, at least we're in the home stretch. The third and final menu screen. Another thing that gets incredibly annoying: whenever you die or reset, you have to go back to the first menu every single time. So, it's hard to keep track where you left off.
37. Mash Man
The Nerd: Number 37: Mash Man. Well, Mash Man looks like Fuzz Power with clothes on. Jumping on eyeballs in front of Lego Land. Ugh. Next game.
38. They Came / They Came...
The Nerd: Number 38: They Came. They came... from where? From space? No, that can't be. Ugh. Next.
39. Lazer League
The Nerd: Number 39: Lazer League. Well, I'm glad they spelled laser with a Z, because that's how you say it. You don't say "lacer." By the way, horizontal 2D space shooter. Next.
40. Billy Bob
The Nerd: Number 40: Billy Bob. This is different. It's like Indiana Jones, except it's Billy Bob. I'm kind of stunned that this game has some fluent animation here. (Billy Bob dies in mid-air) Of course. I should've learned. In Action 52, you cannot jump down. You will hit the air so hard you will die. You can't jump to the ledge either. That doesn't work. And if you stand there too long, you die. So, how do you get over? I don't know. Second screen of the game, and it's a dead end.
41. City of Doom
The Nerd: Number 41: City of Doom. You're climbing the tallest building in the world while the tenants throw bowling balls at you. That's it. It goes on...and on...and on. How tall is this building? It must lead into outer space-- oh, no. Please, please, not space. (it actually does)
42. Bits N Piece / Bits and Pieces
The Nerd: Number 42: Bits and Pieces. Ooh, a monster game. You're a guy in a cemetery jumping over monsters. That's it. You jump... and jump... and jump. You know what would be nice? An attack? Or how about a health bar? How about anything like a NORMAL FUCKING GAME?! WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!
43. Beeps N Blip / Beeps and Blips
The Nerd: Number 43: Beeps and Blips. You're a shape shooting at other shapes. What are these? Reject sprites from other video games thrown together?
44. Manchester (Manchester Beat)
The Nerd: Number 44: Manchester. A guy jumping on music boxes punching in the air. I don't get it.
45. Boss (The Boss)
The Nerd: Number 45: Boss. Who would think "Boss" means a frog running around with a gun getting ambushed by falling bombs? That's what they should've called it: "Bombs".
The Nerd: There's no way to avoid them. If you go too early, the bomb gets you. If you go too late, the next one gets you.
46. Dedant
The Nerd: Number 46: Dedant. You're an ant trying to make other ants "Dedants". Like the Pink Panther. (The Nerd starts imitating the Pink Panther theme: Dedant. Dedant. Dedant, dedant, dedant, dedant.) But, if the ants make it to the bottom of the screen, you're fucked. Because you can only move left and right. What makes this ant different from the rest? Oh, it's pink. And anything pink in this game sucks.
47. Hambo / Hambo's Adventures
The Nerd: Number 47: Hambo. A pig version of Rambo? No, that would've been too clever. It's just a guy jumping over 8-balls and shit. Or trying to jump over. This is fucking horseshit. How did they fuck up the jumping controls so bad? Have the programmers ever played another video game? Moving on.
48. Timewarp / Time Warp Tickers
The Nerd: Number 48: Time Warp Tickers. (The Nerd is shocked when he sees the game) You're a pair of fingers in checkerboard land with upside down doors. What kind of drugs were they on? Was this game even made by a human being? "Time?"? When you kill things, it says "Time?"? What does that mean? Time to play another fucking game?
49. Jigsaw
The Nerd: Number 49: Jigsaw. (The Nerd is greeted with another black screen.) It crashed. (sighs) (relieved) Oh, thank God! Next game.
50. Ninja Asault / Ninja Assault
The Nerd: Number 50: Ninja Assault. Another beat 'em up, if you even call it that. No strategy. You just mash buttons. (begins doing the attack cry of the game while he groans and grunts)
51. Robbie Robot / Robbie N The Robots
The Nerd: Number 51: Robbie the Robot. More like "Robbie the Sunglass-Wearing Bart Simpson Look-Alike in a Blue Dress". Guess how this game works? You move to the right and shoot. That's all. Nothing can stop you. You could literally play this game with your eyes closed. Until the second level when there's holes. Now you're screwed.
(The Nerd gets enraged and throws down the NES controller)
The Nerd: (yells) I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY SOLD THIS SHITFEST FOR $199!! That's about how much it costs for a video game console, pretty much. You could take $199, stand on a bridge, and just throw it all away! You'd rather do anything then spend it on a broken down, dysfunctional disaster of video game programming, with games that crash, hideous jumping control, random characters, microscopic sprites, a marathon of mediocre space shooters, dying in mid-air, problems with proportion, misleading titles, misleading power-ups, embarrassing weapons, seizure-inducing backgrounds, lack of enemies, games you can't win, games you can't lose, games that make no sense whatsoever, shitty graphics, shitty music, shitty menus, and a fuckton of other things!
The Nerd: It should've been ILLEGAL for them to sell this rotten shitload of putrid fuck for any price! I feel humiliated to live on the same planet as someone who designed an electronic abomination of this magnitude! Could they have tried making one good game, as opposed to 52 horrible games? Quality over quantity. That's our lesson here.
(The Nerd drinks a bottle of Rolling Rock)
The Nerd: Well, there's one game left. So it has one last chance to redeem itself. Could this be the one that all the effort went into? Could there be a cherry on top of this shit sundae? We can only hope. (begins to play Cheetahmen)
(To Be Continued...)
The Nerd: It's a Nintoaster. And yes, it works.
(The Angry Video Game Nerd Theme starts, then the "Dam Busters" song plays)
The Nerd: Are you ready for some action? Some Action 52? I suppose so, because I get requests for this game all the time. Like this one right here. Action 52: "Fuck this game, please do a review of it. You asshole. Thanks." Wow. I guess I got to do it now.
The Nerd: Let's start with the cartridge. It's the freak misfit of the NES library. Games came in gray, black, blue, silver, gold, but clear? You can tell just by looking at it, this is a game that's so bad, it has nothing to hide.
The Nerd: Another thing, if you play for more than an hour, not that you'd want to, it gets really hot and smells like burning plastic. It's not because of the toaster. The same thing happens if you play it in the Toploader.
The Nerd: Not only is this game crap, but it's crap that comes with a price: $199.00.
The Nerd: That's a lot of money. But there's 52 games. (The Nerd takes out his calculator out of his shirt pocket and starts doing calculations) So let me calculate this: $199 divided by 52 equals... (calculator shows 3.826923) Uh... well, you gotta pay tax too, so let's just say $4 a game. Wow. What a deal. 52 action-packed games bundled in to one cartridge? All for an efficient price? It was every kid's dream. MORE GAMES! MORE GAMES! YEAH!
(Game starts up)
The Nerd: Lights... Camera... Action 52! (exclaims sarcastically) Where did they get the music?
(Scene shows an album from Rob Base & D.J. E-Z Rock: "It Takes Two.") (Music that also plays from that album in "Action 52" is the digitized version of "It Takes Two.")
The Nerd: Okay... um, the significance? It Takes Two, Action 52? (He shrugs)
Digitized Voice: Make your selection now.
The Nerd: Well, let's get this thing started. We're gonna have ourselves a little marathon here and determine if the $199 was worth it.
(Keep in mind, some glitches the Nerd encountered in this episode on his cartridge can be problems with his individual copy of the cartridge, being because they poorly designed each cartridge of Action 52 and Cheetahmen 2. If only the Nerd knew that.)
1. Firebreather / Fire Breathers
The Nerd: Game Number 1: Firebreather. Okay... well, it's pretty self-explanatory. And would you know this is the only game on the entire cartridge that's two players only? Gee, which game should we start with? Well, how about the only game you can't play alone? Well, that's $4 wasted already.
2. Starevil / Star Evil
The Nerd: Number 2: Star Evil.
(The Nerd starts the game, and the plane which he is controlling crashes into a wall. He is shocked.)
The Nerd: Who's gonna dodge that?! Nobody. Not the first time. You'd have to know: "Oh, this is gonna be a vertical 2D shooter, and there's gonna be an obstacle immediately at the start of the game." Well, that's one way to get you on your toes. Other than that, it's real easy. As long as you keep firing, none of the enemies come anywhere near you. I guess that makes sense. If I was an intergalactic vacuum cleaner getting shot at, I'd be like, "Oh, fuckin' Hell! There's a menorah shooting Q-Tips! Get out of the way!" Not even the first level boss wants to be involved. Sometimes it doesn't show up at all, and you're stuck in a dead end. What happened? Did the game give up? (groans) That's another $4. Next.
3. Illuminator
The Nerd: Number 3: Illuminator. You're not even allowed to see in this game? Real "fun" idea. For a room that has about a thousand light bulbs, it sure goes dark a lot. And they're just decoration. Thought you could light a room with a light? No, you got to kill vampires. But, after you've killed one, you only get one second before the room goes dark again. Who wants to play a game that's pitch black? It's so black I can see my reflection on the screen. The question is: How much more black could this be? And the answer... is none. And no, you can't go any higher. This is it. Great fucking game.
4. G-Force Fgt. / G-Force (G-Force Fighter)
The Nerd: Number 4: G-Force F--... what?! Or just G-Force. It's another 2D shooter. You know what? This would be okay... for Atari 2600. The only two controls are move and shoot. This game was made in 1991, the same year Super NES came out. Not to mention, if you wanna play a good 2D side-scroller game on the NES, try fucking Life Force. And what is this anyway? An inside-out dolphin shooting at roadkill toads? I don't know, I'm just using my imagination. That's all you have when you play this miserable pile of goat shit.
5. Ooze
The Nerd: Number 5: Ooze. (sarcastically) Oh, wow. A title screen? Really? (Sees some green blobs on the screen, and he becomes shocked) Oh my God, it's... it's...! (Multiple Shit Pickles appear, startling the Nerd)
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle, Shit Pickle!
The Nerd: (Exclaiming)
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle, Shit Pickle, Shit Pickle!
The Nerd: Whoa!
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle!
The Nerd: OH!
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle!
The Nerd: Uh-- Shit--
Shit Pickle: Pickle! Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shit!
The Nerd: (yells sarcastically)
Shit Pickle: Shit Pickle!
The Nerd: All righty then... Okay.
The Nerd: Well, this is the first game that uses the B button... for JUMPING! Any gamer who grew up with Super Mario Bros. expects A to jump. (which B, for jumping, is usually found in many bootleg games) But that's the least of our worries. To jump over a hole, you have to tap the B button, and then press over. If you're holding the B button like you normally would, it locks you vertically until you let go. It's an anomaly of game programming.
The Nerd: You know what's really weird? Whenever you restart the menu, it always starts at Ooze. Is that the programmers' personal recommendation? Well, so far, every one of these games is a bomb. But out of 52, I'm sure that eventually we'll find one that's decent. (drinks a bottle of Rolling Rock, has a worried expression) I hope.
6. Silver Sword
The Nerd: Number 6: Silver Sword. Well, green, green, and more green. What is this? A cabbage patch on a golf course infested with killer scrotums? This is a disgrace to the NES. The same platform that brought us games like The Legend of Zelda. Silver Sword. The sword isn't even silver. Maybe it's corroded.
7. Critical BP. / Crytical Bypass (Critical Bypass)
The Nerd: Number 7: Critical BP. Or Critical Bypass. Oh, now it's spelled with a Y? Aww, that's dreadful. It's like an optical illusion. Well, that's pretty bad when the game causes eye strain and you can't even fucking look at it. What is this anyway? A pogo ball on a segway shooting at birthday presents? Augh, Critical Bypass. It's critical that you bypass this game.
8. Jupitr Scope / Jupiter Scope
The Nerd: Number 8: Jupiter Scope. Nice. Another space shooter. This time you're a dead whale shooting at flaming condoms. That's what it looks like. The screen never moves. It's like Space Invaders, except without many invaders. Half of the time, you're just sitting around waiting.
The Nerd: Come on. Give me something to shoot at. Losing at this game is impossible. Just hold down the fire button and move back and forth. Okay. What's next?
9. Alfredo / Alfred N The Fettuc (Alfred and the Fettuccine)
Number 9: Alfredo. Or Alfred N The Fettuc. Yeah, fettuc. You never heard of fettuc?
(The Nerd expects a game, only to be greeted with a black screen because of the poorly-designed cartridge.)
The Nerd: What happened? Where's the fucking game?
(The Nerd gets up and resets the game; as he starts Alfredo again, there is no luck)
(Crickets chirping)
The Nerd: Well, there's no game here. What happened? Did the programmers pass out, or did they just figure nobody would check all 52 games? Well, that's $4 wasted. But I guess I can't say I'm really too excited over playing a game called Alfredo, also known as Alfred N The Fettuc.
10. Operat. Moon / Operation Full Moon
The Nerd: Number 10: Operation Full Moon. Now, that's puke green if I ever saw it. The nauseating hue combined with a texture of vomit makes me think that this game ate Silver Sword and barfed it out.
11. Dam Busters
The Nerd: Number 11: Dam Busters. Those dam (damn) busters. Well, it should've been called "Alien Beaver Tomato Fight". That's all it is. You're a beaver shooting tomatoes and navigating through a maze. Oops, dead end.
(The beaver is trapped in the dead end, and he can't get out.)
The Nerd: What the shit? You can't go back? I'm trapped? You're shitting me! This game...is shitting me. (Scene shows Action 52 cartridge literally shitting him out)
12. Thrusters
The Nerd: Number 12: Thrusters. Another space shooter. Well, it's the same game as before, just different graphics. Where do they come up with these objects? I'm running out of imagination here. I can't decide for anything-(The game starts glitching up) Especially when the game starts having a FUCKING SEIZURE!
13. Haunted Hill / Haunted Halls (Haunted Halls of Wentworth)
The Nerd: Number 13: Haunted Hill. Wow. A human being. I can't believe it actually looks like something. Man, her boobs are bigger than her head. It's a shitty side-scroller with the same bad controls as Ooze. Sadly, it's the best game so far. Out of the way, you fucking ghosts, here comes Mrs. Tits, jumping like she's on the fucking moon! Die, you onion face balloon floating... uh... thing. (It might actually be a spider, just that you can't see the legs because they are the same color as the background.) (The character dies in mid-air.) I died by touching the AIR?!
14. Chill Out
The Nerd: Number 14: Chill Out. I wish I could chill out. This is horrendous. This one's basically an Eskimo snowball massacre. Climb down shits and ladders and throw snowballs. What's this? I died in mid-air?! That seems to be a theme we're running into here. This game... doesn't even care it sucks.
The Nerd: Gee... How much money did we waste so far? Like, $56, I think? That's already exceeded the average price of a Nintendo game.
15. Sharks
The Nerd: Number 15: Sharks. Yeah. Sharks. Sometimes sharks. Most of the time not. Well, you're stuck on this one screen, but you sure have full rein. You can swim through the ocean floor. (The ocean floor might actually be part of the background.) And that's all it is. Just hope for sharks to come and shoot 'em.
16. Megalonia
The Nerd: Number 16: Megalonia. ANOTHER SPACE SHOOTER?! Flying through McDonald's arches? No, thanks.
17. French Baker
The Nerd: Number 17: French Baker. Oh man. You're a chef and the kitchen is really getting out of hand. Everything's trying to kill you: hoagies, envelopes, and doughnuts. (The Nerd pronounces it like Dog Nuts) And what do you do? Hit 'em with your rolling pin and... don't drop down. You'll disintegrate. That's always nice.
18. Atmos Quake
The Nerd: Number 18: Atmos Quake. (exclaims in disgust) ANOTHER SPACE SHOOTER?! I pass.
The Nerd: (Sighs) ...I'm only up to number 19? Geez. Fuck.
(Next list)
19. Meong
The Nerd: Number 19: Meong. (The character advances four steps, then explodes, shocking the Nerd) What the fuck?! (replay) Okay, get this: You move from square to square hoping that the next square won't make you explode. So, it's like a memory game that can only be done with trial and error. Good Lord.
20. Space Dreams
The Nerd: Number 20: Space Dreams. (sarcastically) Oh, my. What's this gonna be? (normal voice) Why, of course. Another space shooter. This time, you're a pacifier shooting at weird dolls, rabbits, and safety pins. Safety pins as enemies in a video game. (2 seconds later) Where do they come up with this stuff?
Action 52 Designer: (played by James D. Rolfe, who plays the Nerd) Gee, what kind of enemy could I have for this game? I have 32 games left I have to program, so I have to hurry up. (he sees a safety pin that was lying on his table and picks it up) Ahh! Safety pin! That'll be perfect! (he puts the safety pin down and types in the computer) Next game. [ :) ]
21. Streemerz
The Nerd: Number 21: Streemerz. You're a clown climbing up platforms like Spider-Man. Ooh, a rabbit in a hat. What does that do? Nothing at all. A bag of money? How about that? It turns into a green frowning face. Is that supposed to teach you a lesson that taking money is greedy? No, I think I'm reading way too deep into it. Oh, then the game crashes. Good.
22. Spread Fire
The Nerd: Number 22: Spread Fire. What is this?! They should've called this "Shooter Games 52"! This time, you're a lobster. You don't go anywhere and half the time, there's nothing to shoot at. These kind of games must have been the easiest to design. Make a black background, cover it in dots, and call it space. You know what? It's getting old.
23. Bublgum Rosy / Bubble Gum Rossie (Bubble Gum Rosie)
The Nerd: Number 23: Bubble Gum Rosy. Or Bubble Gum Rossie. (sarcastically) Yay! I've always wanted to play a game where I'm a little girl shooting bubbles! (normally) Wait a minute. You can't even kill people? Well, what do you expect? They're bubbles. You can jump on the enemies. Or wait... can you? And falling in spikes... doesn't hurt you. This game... has no rules.
24. Micro Mike / Micro-Mike
The Nerd: Number 24: Micro-Mike. Wow. Look out, Micro-Mike. You're going too fast. Even if you have the quickest reflexes, you'll never be able to avoid the walls or other random objects that stand in your way. If only Micro-Mike would slow the fuck down!
25. Underground
The Nerd: Number 25: Underground. Well, at least it looks like underground. (Dies by touching the mushroom) Wait a minute, this guy can fall down 50 feet and survive, but if he touches the mushroom, he spins around like a bowling pin and dies? (ends up with an obstacle of enemies, that would be impossible to avoid) And what am I supposed to do here? What do I do?
(the Nerd drinks a bottle of Rolling Rock)'
The Nerd: Wow. 25 shitty games...and still going. This is an endurance, man. I've never played such a huge compilation of crap in my life. Was the whole idea to make so many shitty games that there'd be no more shitty games left to make? Out of all these, there's got to be at least one that's... tolerable.
26. Rocket Jock / Rocket Jockey
The Nerd: Number 26: Rocket Jock. Or Rocket Jockey. (sighs) You're a cowboy on a rocket with a lasso. If you actually use the lasso, that would be... kind of cool. But I guess they figured they didn't have enough games that SHOOT. Yeah, kill those cows. Turn them into uh... a bowl of cereal with a puppy dog. (It's actually a cow upside down, bleeding)
27. Non Human
The Nerd: Number 27: Non Human. Well, isn't that an appropriate title? Everything about these games are non-human. Except for that very human-like face. Or are they aliens? Or what are these for? Other than the faces just being the area where you die, which takes up half the screen. (annoyed) Augh, you know you're playing a "great" game when you can't even jump over a hole. Augh, you can try all day, but you'll always fall down into the purple dimension of green faces.
28. Cry Baby
The Nerd: Number 28: Cry Baby. By now, you'd be crying. So it's like the game is mocking you. Okay, what's wrong with this picture? (switches between the baby and an enemy) Baby? Adult? Baby? Adult? And what about him, huh? What the Hell is going on here? Why does the floor look like ice cube trays? What are you attacking with? Why do you die when you fall off the furniture? Why? What? Why?
29. Slashers
The Nerd: Number 29: Slashers. Uh... Slashers? I thought it would be like a horror game. Instead, it's a poor man's version of Double Dragon. Saying that is being extremely generous. It makes Bad Dudes look like a masterpiece. At least the backgrounds change. What are these? Beer steins? You're not even allowed to walk past anybody. When an enemy appears, you stop dead in your tracks and can't move until you have a punching match to the death. There's zero strategy. You just mash buttons. And what are these? Hookers? I guess this guy doesn't understand the concept of a hooker. You're supposed to fuck her, not fuck her up. Ugh! Ugh! Ugh! Die, boob lady! Ugh!
30. Crazy Shufle / Crazy Shuffle
The Nerd: Number 30: Crazy Shuffle. Could the characters be any smaller? You're a tiny, indescribable object shooting tiny dots at other tiny objects. Sounds like fun? Well, guess what? It isn't.
31. Fuzz Power
The Nerd: Number 31: Fuzz Power. Well, fuzz is right. You're some guy with a big nose, big feet, and lots of fuzz. You roll around fighting blow dryers and haircombs. What's that? Popcorn? Oh, no! I'm getting hit! I'm losing my fuzz! Now I'm... naked. Yeah. Whoever came up with this is an asshole!
(screen shows the Nerd on TV. Below the TV is a caption reading TV Version)
The Nerd: Whoever came up with this is an ass[bleep]! (he turns to the camera) Ass! Hole? Ass[bleep]! (shrugs and shakes his head) Television makes a "lot" of sense.
32. Shooting Gal / Shooting Gallery
The Nerd: Number 32: Shooting Gallery. The easiest shooting game ever. The targets never disappear until you hit them, there's no time limit, you never run out of ammo, and you can't die. Which means the game will never end. Fortunately, you can go back to the menu by pausing the game and hitting Select. (black screen) Augh, except for this game. The one fucking game that doesn't end crashes when you try to quit. Reset. (Yet again, being because of his cartridge.)
33. Lollipops / Lollipop
The Nerd: Number 33: Lollipop. Are you kidding me? Why not a sword or a machine gun? Who wants a fucking lollipop? How do you climb up a ladder? Wanna take a guess? Pushing Up on the D-Pad? No, you jump. Who the Hell jumps up a ladder? And you know what? The controls in all these games are so bad, I've forgotten that B is jump and A is attack. I've been playing for so long, I've sort of adapted to its crap factor. I swear, next time I play a regular platformer, I'm gonna try jumping with B.
34. Evil Empire
The Nerd: Number 34: Evil Empire. (groans) Game sprites so small you need a magnifying glass? That seems to be a theme here too. (some sprites clump up together on a high platform) Look at that. There's some crazy shit going on over there. I wanna join the party. (the character dies in mid-air!) Oops. Dying in mid-air. I can understand dying because you're jumping from too high, but can't they at least make you die when you hit the ground?!
35. Sombreros
The Nerd: Number 35: Sombreros. Well, I guess you're wearing a sombrero, shooting at vacuum cleaners on the street. Not much to say.
The Nerd: I've lost all hope. 52 games, they all probably suck. I can think of some pretty bad games. Like, Little Red Hood, that's a horrible game, but at least it's ONE horrible game, not 52! You know what's more fun than playing Action 52? (the Nerd picks up his deck of poker cards) 52 Card Pickup. You know how you play that? (the Nerd scatters the cards onto the ground) PICK UP THE CARDS.
36. Storm Over D / Storm Over the Des. (Storm Over The Desert)
The Nerd: Number 36: Storm Over the Desert. Ooh. Another title screen. So you're an army tank shooting at other army tanks, which happen to be pink. Also, there's no way to die. Anything you touch will explode. Those pink tanks are fucking pussies. (a huge sprite of Saddam Hussein appears on the screen) What the Hell? A giant Saddam Hussein? How did they fuck up the scale this bad? The soldiers aren't giant, so why Saddam? Now I'm getting tired of this. Can someone at least try to kill me? (follows another tank) Hey, you! You! Get over here! Mmmmmmmmgh! Pause and Select, get me out of here.
The Nerd: Well, at least we're in the home stretch. The third and final menu screen. Another thing that gets incredibly annoying: whenever you die or reset, you have to go back to the first menu every single time. So, it's hard to keep track where you left off.
37. Mash Man
The Nerd: Number 37: Mash Man. Well, Mash Man looks like Fuzz Power with clothes on. Jumping on eyeballs in front of Lego Land. Ugh. Next game.
38. They Came / They Came...
The Nerd: Number 38: They Came. They came... from where? From space? No, that can't be. Ugh. Next.
39. Lazer League
The Nerd: Number 39: Lazer League. Well, I'm glad they spelled laser with a Z, because that's how you say it. You don't say "lacer." By the way, horizontal 2D space shooter. Next.
40. Billy Bob
The Nerd: Number 40: Billy Bob. This is different. It's like Indiana Jones, except it's Billy Bob. I'm kind of stunned that this game has some fluent animation here. (Billy Bob dies in mid-air) Of course. I should've learned. In Action 52, you cannot jump down. You will hit the air so hard you will die. You can't jump to the ledge either. That doesn't work. And if you stand there too long, you die. So, how do you get over? I don't know. Second screen of the game, and it's a dead end.
41. City of Doom
The Nerd: Number 41: City of Doom. You're climbing the tallest building in the world while the tenants throw bowling balls at you. That's it. It goes on...and on...and on. How tall is this building? It must lead into outer space-- oh, no. Please, please, not space. (it actually does)
42. Bits N Piece / Bits and Pieces
The Nerd: Number 42: Bits and Pieces. Ooh, a monster game. You're a guy in a cemetery jumping over monsters. That's it. You jump... and jump... and jump. You know what would be nice? An attack? Or how about a health bar? How about anything like a NORMAL FUCKING GAME?! WHAT WERE THEY THINKING?!
43. Beeps N Blip / Beeps and Blips
The Nerd: Number 43: Beeps and Blips. You're a shape shooting at other shapes. What are these? Reject sprites from other video games thrown together?
44. Manchester (Manchester Beat)
The Nerd: Number 44: Manchester. A guy jumping on music boxes punching in the air. I don't get it.
45. Boss (The Boss)
The Nerd: Number 45: Boss. Who would think "Boss" means a frog running around with a gun getting ambushed by falling bombs? That's what they should've called it: "Bombs".
The Nerd: There's no way to avoid them. If you go too early, the bomb gets you. If you go too late, the next one gets you.
46. Dedant
The Nerd: Number 46: Dedant. You're an ant trying to make other ants "Dedants". Like the Pink Panther. (The Nerd starts imitating the Pink Panther theme: Dedant. Dedant. Dedant, dedant, dedant, dedant.) But, if the ants make it to the bottom of the screen, you're fucked. Because you can only move left and right. What makes this ant different from the rest? Oh, it's pink. And anything pink in this game sucks.
47. Hambo / Hambo's Adventures
The Nerd: Number 47: Hambo. A pig version of Rambo? No, that would've been too clever. It's just a guy jumping over 8-balls and shit. Or trying to jump over. This is fucking horseshit. How did they fuck up the jumping controls so bad? Have the programmers ever played another video game? Moving on.
48. Timewarp / Time Warp Tickers
The Nerd: Number 48: Time Warp Tickers. (The Nerd is shocked when he sees the game) You're a pair of fingers in checkerboard land with upside down doors. What kind of drugs were they on? Was this game even made by a human being? "Time?"? When you kill things, it says "Time?"? What does that mean? Time to play another fucking game?
49. Jigsaw
The Nerd: Number 49: Jigsaw. (The Nerd is greeted with another black screen.) It crashed. (sighs) (relieved) Oh, thank God! Next game.
50. Ninja Asault / Ninja Assault
The Nerd: Number 50: Ninja Assault. Another beat 'em up, if you even call it that. No strategy. You just mash buttons. (begins doing the attack cry of the game while he groans and grunts)
51. Robbie Robot / Robbie N The Robots
The Nerd: Number 51: Robbie the Robot. More like "Robbie the Sunglass-Wearing Bart Simpson Look-Alike in a Blue Dress". Guess how this game works? You move to the right and shoot. That's all. Nothing can stop you. You could literally play this game with your eyes closed. Until the second level when there's holes. Now you're screwed.
(The Nerd gets enraged and throws down the NES controller)
The Nerd: (yells) I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY SOLD THIS SHITFEST FOR $199!! That's about how much it costs for a video game console, pretty much. You could take $199, stand on a bridge, and just throw it all away! You'd rather do anything then spend it on a broken down, dysfunctional disaster of video game programming, with games that crash, hideous jumping control, random characters, microscopic sprites, a marathon of mediocre space shooters, dying in mid-air, problems with proportion, misleading titles, misleading power-ups, embarrassing weapons, seizure-inducing backgrounds, lack of enemies, games you can't win, games you can't lose, games that make no sense whatsoever, shitty graphics, shitty music, shitty menus, and a fuckton of other things!
The Nerd: It should've been ILLEGAL for them to sell this rotten shitload of putrid fuck for any price! I feel humiliated to live on the same planet as someone who designed an electronic abomination of this magnitude! Could they have tried making one good game, as opposed to 52 horrible games? Quality over quantity. That's our lesson here.
(The Nerd drinks a bottle of Rolling Rock)
The Nerd: Well, there's one game left. So it has one last chance to redeem itself. Could this be the one that all the effort went into? Could there be a cherry on top of this shit sundae? We can only hope. (begins to play Cheetahmen)
(To Be Continued...)
ESQUEÇA MOTHER 1 E MARIO 3 ESSE E O MELHOR JOGO DE NES DA HISTÓRIA, TANTO QUE INSPIROU A ThE Drive DOO RE4.
Sooooooobad. 51 atrocities.
Shame that some of the games don't launch, who knows, they might secretly be the next GOTY.
it's astonishing how AVGN actually made this look better than it is in his video and he made it look like the worst thing ever
This shit was retailed at $200 back in the day. Scummy practices in the industry have always been around. Every single one of these proto-Scratch games could fill half of an IGN Top 100 worst games list.
bu oyun aynı ben
As someone who has speedran some of the games on this cart, I do have to give it what it deserves.
Cheetahmen song carrying this compilation to a one star rating.
This game was coded on strips of bubblegum and forged in satan's furnace. Only masochists would enjoy this
Making a video game is easy, right? No, actually, it is not. It is pretty fucking hard in reality. In fact, making a GOOD video game, GREAT even, is even harder than that. However, Vince Perri thought that making a video game could be easy, so he went on to try to do just that. And not just one video game, but 52 of them! So, after what I presume was one good night of coding, we were then graced with Action 52, a collection of 52 different video games all on one cartridge on the NES.
This game is the literal definition of quantity over quality. All of the games in this collection suck, and it did not deserve any attention whatsoever, especially back in the 90s when it came out. I would go ahead and cover all 52 games individually in this review and talk about what makes them work or what doesn't, but given how most of the games are practically the same, and most of them suffer from the same problems, why would I even bother?
The graphics are ugly, although some games are more bareable in that department, the music for the most part is annoying and lacks any effort, the control is broken or doesn't make any sense for most of the games, and the gameplay itself most of the time either doesn't work, or it is so bland and forgettable that I don't wanna bother with it for too long.
Every single game in the collection has something wrong with it, whether the game itself being multiplayer only, terrible level design, terrible enemy design, repeating the same gimmicks over and over again, spawning you right into death, and in the case of two games, not even working at all whatsoever. None of them are worth playing, except maybe for Cheetahman, which they intended to be a mascot of sorts, but you can clearly see how that turned out.
Also, did I forget to mention that, at the time it was originally released, they charged this for $200? Adjusted for inflation, that is around $400 nowadays. They really charged $200... for THIS. To anyone who actually fell for this and bought this for $200 back in the day, I feel extremely sorry for them, but at the same time, not really.
Overall, this is one of the worst selection of games I have ever seen, and they don't deserve any of your time and dedication. Also, I heard there is a Genesis version that could be considered slightly better then this, but you are crazy if you think I am gonna play this again.
Game #73
This game is the literal definition of quantity over quality. All of the games in this collection suck, and it did not deserve any attention whatsoever, especially back in the 90s when it came out. I would go ahead and cover all 52 games individually in this review and talk about what makes them work or what doesn't, but given how most of the games are practically the same, and most of them suffer from the same problems, why would I even bother?
The graphics are ugly, although some games are more bareable in that department, the music for the most part is annoying and lacks any effort, the control is broken or doesn't make any sense for most of the games, and the gameplay itself most of the time either doesn't work, or it is so bland and forgettable that I don't wanna bother with it for too long.
Every single game in the collection has something wrong with it, whether the game itself being multiplayer only, terrible level design, terrible enemy design, repeating the same gimmicks over and over again, spawning you right into death, and in the case of two games, not even working at all whatsoever. None of them are worth playing, except maybe for Cheetahman, which they intended to be a mascot of sorts, but you can clearly see how that turned out.
Also, did I forget to mention that, at the time it was originally released, they charged this for $200? Adjusted for inflation, that is around $400 nowadays. They really charged $200... for THIS. To anyone who actually fell for this and bought this for $200 back in the day, I feel extremely sorry for them, but at the same time, not really.
Overall, this is one of the worst selection of games I have ever seen, and they don't deserve any of your time and dedication. Also, I heard there is a Genesis version that could be considered slightly better then this, but you are crazy if you think I am gonna play this again.
Game #73
i have played WAAAY more of this game than i should ever have. trash garbo, but funny trash garbo at least.
I imagine that the appeal of this game was more for the parents than the children. With 52 games at a reasonable price of $199, they probably thought that this was the economic solution for purchasing video games. They figured that this collection would last them a lifetime of entertainment and that they could get out of buying video games for them in the future. Little did they know, the entire NES library is more appealing than EVERY single game in this collection.
Every kid who purchased this game back in the ’90s should be eligible for reparations.
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Attribution: https://erockreviews.blogspot.com/
Every kid who purchased this game back in the ’90s should be eligible for reparations.
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Attribution: https://erockreviews.blogspot.com/
This review contains spoilers
After all these years of playing games, I don't believe I will ever play a game worse than this. The 50 games are all rushed, and are a mixture of games you can't lose, can't win, crash, broken gameplay at best, are terribly thought out, the sounds are no more than as basic as a sound can be put on a game, and they all have bad effects, not 1 of them looks good. I say 50 games, because 2 of them don't even start. With these reasons alone, I can safely say that I think that this deserves to be called THE WORST VIDEOGAME OF ALL TIME.
The Definitive Action 52 tier list
SSS: Micro Mike, Ooze, Storm Over the Desert
SS: Mash Man, Fuzz Power, Non-Human, Streemerz
S: Slashers, Timewarp, Meong, Haunted Hill, Ninja Assault
A: Star Evil, Bubblegum Rosy, Underground, Crazy Shuffle, City of Doom
B: Dedant, Illuminator, Space Dreams, Evil Empire, Chill Out, Manchester
C: Alfredo, Dam Busters, Robbie Robot, Thrusters, Megalonia, Cry Baby, Bits n Pieces, They Came...
D: Operation Full Moon, French Baker, Silver Sword, Lollipop, Sombreros, Hambo, Jigsaw, Star Breathers
E: Lazer League, G-Force Fighters, Billy Bob, Jupiter Score, Atmos Quake, Boss
F: Beeps n Blips, Rocket Jockey, Spread Fire, Sharks, Critical Bypass, Shooting Gallery
Think I forgot one🤔...
SSS: Micro Mike, Ooze, Storm Over the Desert
SS: Mash Man, Fuzz Power, Non-Human, Streemerz
S: Slashers, Timewarp, Meong, Haunted Hill, Ninja Assault
A: Star Evil, Bubblegum Rosy, Underground, Crazy Shuffle, City of Doom
B: Dedant, Illuminator, Space Dreams, Evil Empire, Chill Out, Manchester
C: Alfredo, Dam Busters, Robbie Robot, Thrusters, Megalonia, Cry Baby, Bits n Pieces, They Came...
D: Operation Full Moon, French Baker, Silver Sword, Lollipop, Sombreros, Hambo, Jigsaw, Star Breathers
E: Lazer League, G-Force Fighters, Billy Bob, Jupiter Score, Atmos Quake, Boss
F: Beeps n Blips, Rocket Jockey, Spread Fire, Sharks, Critical Bypass, Shooting Gallery
Think I forgot one🤔...
Ahead of it''s time
I had to start to tackle my list of "bad games" with this notorious "collection".
I had already played this years ago with my best friend. We were binging AVGN episodes and decided to actually try some of the games. We had a blast and I particularly remember Micro Mike as the "best" of the worst.
This game (collection) is hilarious. It's so fucking terrible. Many games are variations of each other, like the many shitty platformers with the weird jump or the bad shmups with enemies that sometimes just don't show up.
Crazy Shuffle, Micro Mike, Star Evil... some games genuinely make me laugh. I guess it wouldn't be funny if I paid $200.
I'll give it 1 star just for the laughs... and for cheetahmen's theme song.
I had already played this years ago with my best friend. We were binging AVGN episodes and decided to actually try some of the games. We had a blast and I particularly remember Micro Mike as the "best" of the worst.
This game (collection) is hilarious. It's so fucking terrible. Many games are variations of each other, like the many shitty platformers with the weird jump or the bad shmups with enemies that sometimes just don't show up.
Crazy Shuffle, Micro Mike, Star Evil... some games genuinely make me laugh. I guess it wouldn't be funny if I paid $200.
I'll give it 1 star just for the laughs... and for cheetahmen's theme song.
HAHAHAHAHAHA... Ugh
avant-garde masterpiece
52 games in one is absurd. wish companies now in days would return to being selfless and actually deliver like the creators of this game
Now this is a deal right here, they released the Cheetamen theme along with 52 free games.
It annoys me when it becomes a meme to hate a type of media. Action 52 is like ‘The Room’ of video games. Yeah the games aren’t amazing but it is aware of that. The story goes that the dev team were given a week of training on NES development then tasked to create 52 games which were suddenly released to the public before they had a chance to finish them. I only played the first 18 games as playing all 52 could drive me into insanity.
Firebreather - A better looking version of Atari Combat, surely that’s not a terrible thing considering how popular Combat is?
Starevil - I laughed at the obstacle right at the start of the level. Got to the end, didn’t know what to do.
Illuminator - I got the hang of it but didn’t think there was a goal really so just moved on.
G-Force FGT. - A side scroller shooter with seemingly no powerups, a weak basic weapon and endless obstacles?
Ooze - Not being able to jump diagonally while moving is probably this game’s biggest problem. You CAN technically jump at an angle but it uses the backwards control of jump then direction rather than direction then jump
Silver Sword - The best thing about this game is firing your sword to the beat of the music. Surprisingly the lack of score kept on screen too.
Crytical Bypass - With a ‘Y’ nonetheless. It’s hard to move and shoot in multiple directions at the same time with one D-Pad unlike Robotron’s use of two joysticks.
Jupiter Scope - Don’t know why this one is called Jupiter Scope, it doesn’t seem like it is set on Jupiter. You’re a static ship shooting down falling asteroids, your ship will fire as fast as you can tap the A button. There is absolutely no consequence to the asteroids hitting the city, just don’t get hit yourself.
Alfred N The Fettuc - I got the quickest game over in this game out of all the other ones. I did not continue.
Operation Full Moon - You are a helpless moon buggy in this vertical scrolling game. It is quite mindless, the game is over when you lose concentration out of boredom and crash into something
Dam Busters - This game has absolutely nothing to do with the 1955 film ‘The Dam Busters’, instead you’re a Winnie the Pooh looking character throwing cookies at other bears while you yourself avoid their cookies being thrown at you. Perhaps your main character’s weakness is gluten.
Thrusters - Probably one of the most playable games out of the collection, again your ship fires as fast as you can tap the A button. On the whole, it’s a relatively uneventful game.
Haunted Halls - At least in this game you can jump diagonally over gaps but you will very quickly be overcome by enemies
Chill Out - This one definitely feels unfinished, falling from any height will mean death for your character. What is almost always the case is if you fall from one level and the level below has a platform you will land on that platform safely, nope not in this game you don’t. This game also doesn’t seem to let you jump gaps either.
Sharks - Not much to this game apart from, shoot the sharks and don’t die, collect points.
Megalonia - Another side scroller shooter. Your ship fires painfully slowly, no powerups to improve this. I was able to get through level 2 without moving or firing, just let the ship get to the end, where the big ship killed me. Oh well.
French Baker - Again, falling from any height is death in this game. Multiple platforms, you fire something at baked goods while trying to stay alive
Atmos-Quake - Another scrolling shooter. Not much to say about this.
My absolute favourite part of all of this is that the ‘Action 52’ manual has a page at the back where you can mail in and have “complete instructions for your favourite game”. I wonder if anyone ever did…?
Firebreather - A better looking version of Atari Combat, surely that’s not a terrible thing considering how popular Combat is?
Starevil - I laughed at the obstacle right at the start of the level. Got to the end, didn’t know what to do.
Illuminator - I got the hang of it but didn’t think there was a goal really so just moved on.
G-Force FGT. - A side scroller shooter with seemingly no powerups, a weak basic weapon and endless obstacles?
Ooze - Not being able to jump diagonally while moving is probably this game’s biggest problem. You CAN technically jump at an angle but it uses the backwards control of jump then direction rather than direction then jump
Silver Sword - The best thing about this game is firing your sword to the beat of the music. Surprisingly the lack of score kept on screen too.
Crytical Bypass - With a ‘Y’ nonetheless. It’s hard to move and shoot in multiple directions at the same time with one D-Pad unlike Robotron’s use of two joysticks.
Jupiter Scope - Don’t know why this one is called Jupiter Scope, it doesn’t seem like it is set on Jupiter. You’re a static ship shooting down falling asteroids, your ship will fire as fast as you can tap the A button. There is absolutely no consequence to the asteroids hitting the city, just don’t get hit yourself.
Alfred N The Fettuc - I got the quickest game over in this game out of all the other ones. I did not continue.
Operation Full Moon - You are a helpless moon buggy in this vertical scrolling game. It is quite mindless, the game is over when you lose concentration out of boredom and crash into something
Dam Busters - This game has absolutely nothing to do with the 1955 film ‘The Dam Busters’, instead you’re a Winnie the Pooh looking character throwing cookies at other bears while you yourself avoid their cookies being thrown at you. Perhaps your main character’s weakness is gluten.
Thrusters - Probably one of the most playable games out of the collection, again your ship fires as fast as you can tap the A button. On the whole, it’s a relatively uneventful game.
Haunted Halls - At least in this game you can jump diagonally over gaps but you will very quickly be overcome by enemies
Chill Out - This one definitely feels unfinished, falling from any height will mean death for your character. What is almost always the case is if you fall from one level and the level below has a platform you will land on that platform safely, nope not in this game you don’t. This game also doesn’t seem to let you jump gaps either.
Sharks - Not much to this game apart from, shoot the sharks and don’t die, collect points.
Megalonia - Another side scroller shooter. Your ship fires painfully slowly, no powerups to improve this. I was able to get through level 2 without moving or firing, just let the ship get to the end, where the big ship killed me. Oh well.
French Baker - Again, falling from any height is death in this game. Multiple platforms, you fire something at baked goods while trying to stay alive
Atmos-Quake - Another scrolling shooter. Not much to say about this.
My absolute favourite part of all of this is that the ‘Action 52’ manual has a page at the back where you can mail in and have “complete instructions for your favourite game”. I wonder if anyone ever did…?
Obviously very bad but I still like this game ironically. Micro Mike, Alfred and the Fettuc, Bubblegum Rozy I love all of them. Timewarp Tickers? Time? Iconic Stuff. Non Human? Love that dude and all the Green Faces below him.
Screw that ironically part at the beginning. There is no such thing as liking something ironically. If you like something you like it no matter the reason
Screw that ironically part at the beginning. There is no such thing as liking something ironically. If you like something you like it no matter the reason
Eu nunca imaginei que acharia um jogo com uma nota pior do que 1.0, mas aqui estamos nós. Obrigado AVGN
Simplesmente a pior coletânea de jogos que o NES pode oferecer, todos os jogos são feitos sobre a mesma engine que pega toda as limitações do NES e acentua elas em 100x
Apenas jogue se você for streamer e queira dar uma risada com o pessoal te assistindo, sla acho que nem pra isso é bom kkk
Simplesmente a pior coletânea de jogos que o NES pode oferecer, todos os jogos são feitos sobre a mesma engine que pega toda as limitações do NES e acentua elas em 100x
Apenas jogue se você for streamer e queira dar uma risada com o pessoal te assistindo, sla acho que nem pra isso é bom kkk
The Cheetahmen ran off....
....And now....
The Cheetahmen
Soseki Natsume wishes he could write better Haikus than this
....And now....
The Cheetahmen
Soseki Natsume wishes he could write better Haikus than this
Truly the 52 games of all time.
It began with a Firebreather, but it turned into a Starevil. The Illuminator revealed the G-force and with it came Ooze and a Silver Sword. Everything was a Critical Bypass and watched through a Jupiter Scope. Alfredo decided it was time and launched Operation Full Moon. But before he could, those Dam Busters busted his Thrusters. It happened on a Haunted Hill and everyone wanted to Chill Out, but there were Sharks and that caused a feeling of Megalonia.
A French Baker suddenly appeared and an Atmos Quake happened. It made the cats Meong. The Space Dreams of the Streemerz on board were ruined. They wanted to Spread Fire, but Bubblegum Rossy and Micro Mike took them Underground to a Rocket Jock, who was a Non-Human, but not quite a Cry Baby.
Slashers appeared and everything was like a Crazy Shuffle. Their Fuzz Power at the Shooting Gallery was rewarded with Lollipops, given to them by the Evil Empire. No Sombreros were harmed.
It all happened during a crazy night while there was a Storm over the Desert. Mash Man came to save them from the precarious situation and shouted "They Came..."
It was the Lazer League, led by Billy Bob from the City of Doom. It was time to turn the villains into Bits 'n Pieces. Only Beeps 'n Blips could be heard. They arrived from the city of Manchester with their Boss called Deadant. He did the Hambo and caused a Time Warp. All they ever wanted was to solve a Jigsaw and now they had to experience a Ninja Assault.
Robbie Robot came to their aid with the assistance of The Cheetahmen.
Yeah, the game is horrible. No more needs to be said.
A French Baker suddenly appeared and an Atmos Quake happened. It made the cats Meong. The Space Dreams of the Streemerz on board were ruined. They wanted to Spread Fire, but Bubblegum Rossy and Micro Mike took them Underground to a Rocket Jock, who was a Non-Human, but not quite a Cry Baby.
Slashers appeared and everything was like a Crazy Shuffle. Their Fuzz Power at the Shooting Gallery was rewarded with Lollipops, given to them by the Evil Empire. No Sombreros were harmed.
It all happened during a crazy night while there was a Storm over the Desert. Mash Man came to save them from the precarious situation and shouted "They Came..."
It was the Lazer League, led by Billy Bob from the City of Doom. It was time to turn the villains into Bits 'n Pieces. Only Beeps 'n Blips could be heard. They arrived from the city of Manchester with their Boss called Deadant. He did the Hambo and caused a Time Warp. All they ever wanted was to solve a Jigsaw and now they had to experience a Ninja Assault.
Robbie Robot came to their aid with the assistance of The Cheetahmen.
Yeah, the game is horrible. No more needs to be said.
the one star is because as someone that didn't spend money on it, i got many laughs out of it. also the youtube culture of the late 00's being built around this so strongly means that i genuinely have some good memories with this game.
but it's dogshit. the worst of the worst.
but it's dogshit. the worst of the worst.
This game honestly makes me sad for some kid out there that definitely begged their parents for this, to finally get it Christmas morning, only to realize they’re stuck having to play Action 52.