And thus started my 3D Mario 100% marathon.

Super Mario 64 is the oh-so-iconic 3D that we all love and cherish, I feel like nobody actually wants to write a throughout review of Mario 64 due to its state as an iconic game and god knows if you piss off nostalgic gamers you are doomed!
I mean, I like this game a lot, I grew up with the DS version so I'm more than accustomed to this game but even I can admit how shit it can be at times, that's right, I'm starting a movement called "Fuck Tiny-Huge Island" I really dislike this stage!

The game itself aged like wine, I really don't want to say otherwise because play literally any other platformer from that era and they all suck balls, even Glover. But honestly, Mario 64 is more like Supermarket wine, it tastes like wine for sure and it aged better than milk but it is still Supermarket wine, it's far from the best and that's how I feel about Super Mario 64, I think it is the worst 3D Mario game and not because it's bad, it's just because the rest is just so much better!

Enough Linux wine metaphors, I'm here to whine about outdated game designs like the 1up existing for NO reason, I mean why do you need extra lives in this game? Oh no I ran out of lives I gotta go back to the courtyard now! Well, to be frank, I never ran out of 1ups in this entire playthrough, unlike sunshine you get way more than enough and I do appreciate that they took the time to play a bunch of secret one-ups everywhere, again, unlike Sunshine.
Next up, Tiny-Huge Island, yeah you saw that one coming I fucking hate this stage because it's actually a good idea! It reminds me a lot of that Super Mario Galaxy 2 stage where everything is big, the only difference is that in 64 everything is against you, including the controls so you are bound to fall off to your death countless times if you don't pay attention.
The next stage I highly dislike is Rainbow Ride, its also one of the few stages that don't follow the naming structure of "Word Word Word" so you know it's gonna be dogshit, that's right I fucking love Tick Tock Clock the name is awesome and I think pure rough platforming is fun, if it wasn't for 64's controls it would be a fucking amazing stage in Sunshine.

Ranting about the controls for hours? I'll pass, honestly, the controls are the dead horse of 64 whether you praise it to death or curse it to death, it's a matter of what you find fun in a game, I'm in a "Meh" opinion because I love being a centrist and I just don't have anything against it but I do acknowledge its flaws, and Mario sunshine controls exist so I have bigger fishes to fry, now that is how Mario should play.

Uhh, we got the common bullshit stages like the 100 coins which are not that bad honestly, the water stages are definitely a chore, I wish we had more pure platforming stages like the Bowser stages, and I wish it had fewer instant death pits because fuck Shifty Sand Land, and so on, I mean if this game could get a remake it could fix all of that crap and add even more!
Surely this DS remake will not simply add crap on top of this game without fixing anything, surely.

esse jogo é tão estressante e divertido quanto cuidar de uma criança

e o Mario é uma criança sendo filmada enquanto brinca e se exibe com suas acrobacias

as fases tem literal o mesmo layout de parquinhos de rua, com desafios diversos mas nenhum ponto de progressão muito específico pra seguir

e os mundos serem fictícios dentro do próprio jogo é a materialização da imaginação fértil que o mario tem

eu não acredito nesse jogo, mas eu me encantei com suas brincadeiras.

Now before I begin I just want to clarify this:
This is strictly my own opinion. If you disagree with me, more power to you. Just keep the comments civil and respectful.

Hello, everybody, and welcome back to
GAME MODE: ON!

Well, took longer than expected to get around to it but at last, I'm finally reviewing a game on a Nintendo platform.
Don't ask me why it took be forever to do this, quite frankly, I don't know.

But anyway, Nintendo.
I'm sure we all know these guys by now. They're some of the biggest pioneers of gaming and have done alot in terms of game design and the home console market. They were responsible for saving the industry after a horrendous crash and have been enchanting consumers with some of the most charming and classic games and franchises ever made including The Legend of Zelda, Kirby, CastleVania, Pokemon and, you guessed it, Super Mario Bros.

Much like how Nintendo is the Disney of the gaming industry, Mario is their Mickey Mouse. Being the definitive gaming mascot, he's known for capturing the hearts and minds of players everywhere with great game after great game. From the olden days of the NES to the fantastical heights of Odyssey and Wonder, Mario continues to remain relevant in a time when, let's be honest here, another crash could happen at any moment for a multitude of reasons.

That being said, while lots of people have different opinions on which is the best Mario game, there's also discussions on what they consider their least favorites. Now I'm not talking about the obvious spin-off junk like Hotel Mario, I'm specifically referring to the mainline entries. Despite each game receiving critical acclaim, not everyone is on-board with what certain games brought to the table. Some aren't a fan of the New sub-series for playing it too safe, others aren't keen on Sunshine for it's FLUDD mechanics and requirement to collect every Sprite to finish it, hell, I'm sure there are some people out there who didn't like World much for it's cryptic secrets that stopped players from advancing through.
As for me, my least favorite Mario game happens to be the one that revolutionized 3D platforming and refine the series for a new generation, Super Mario 64.

Yeah, I know the game was a huge hit when it first came out, yeah, I know people really loved it, yeah, I understand it's memorability and lasting factor, and yeah, I understand how anyone can find so much enjoyment in it. But I'm sorry, this one just didn't do it for me.
It wasn't all that fun, it wasn't all that exciting, it just wasn't as great as people made it out to be. Granted, I respect it for what it did for the franchise and without it, we wouldn't have Galaxy and Odyssey. However, I can't help but encounter problem after problem trying to play through this thing.
I know this is a pretty big hot-take but hey, that's nothing new for me, I spew hot-takes all the time. After all, you're listening to the same guy who cited Rick & Morty as the worst thing to happen to comedy since SeltzerBerg and the worst thing to happen to television since Peppa Pig and the olden days of Caillou.

So what is it about Mario 64 that exactly didn't do it for me? Well, whether you wanna read on or not, here we go.

STORY & CHARACTERIZATION:
If you've ever played a Mario game before, you pretty much know the gist:
Giant turtle-dragon kidnaps princess, Italian-Brooklyn plumber goes to save her, get some sprites, stomp some foes, etc.
This time, Bowser has invaded Peach's castle and drained it of it's Star power so Mario now has to traverse through fifteen worlds to collect enough Star Sprites in order to save the day. Same old shit.

Therefore, there's not much point in me going over the story since, well, there's barely any to be found. Just your typical Mario adventure only now it's in 3D. This is a formula that has gone on for so long and yet, people still buy these games and enjoy them because, well, it's more or less the gameplay and the extra bells and whistles that changes up the experience that really brings on the fun and provides plenty of everlasting entertainment.
That's all well and good. However....

GAMEPLAY & CONTROLS:
As stated before, this was a massive pioneer for the platforming genre as it brings Mario into the third dimension with a variety of new challenges and gimmicks to honor the new direction. At the time, yeah, I can see what all the hubbub is about but today.... I sometimes struggle to understand how anyone can play this thing without raging and crying.
Now keep in mind that I'm playing the 3D All-Stars port on the Nintendo Switch so there's a good chance it may play differently from it's original hardware. But holy shit, if playing this on my Switch Lite was a pain, I can't imagine how much worse it would've been on the N64 with that abomination of a controller. Again, I know it's a port so it's expected not to play as smoothly but when you take the time to try out the other games on the collection, Sunshine and Galaxy, they played perfectly fine and controlled very well. So it's not really 3D All-Star's fault, it's more or less that 64 is an absolute dookie.
Sure, when you first start up the game, moving around, jumping and getting used to certain moves may feel fine but then later on, it can get pretty slippery especially when you're trying to maneuver around tight platforming challenges. There are times when sharp turns only work when they feel like it thus resulting in me unfairly falling off a cliff to my death, there are times during a timed challenge when pulling off a specific move in a hurried state can fuck me up, there are times when I would bump into a wall accidentally and that would often bounce me back or stun me which more often than not gets me killed and of course, there's the camera. OH GOD! THE CAMERA!
Not gonna sugarcoat it, I fucking hate the camera controls in this game. It is unbearably snappy, it usually sticks on positions that makes navigating very difficult and no matter what angle I tried to set it on, it usually does whatever the hell it wants. At least Banjo-Kazooie had competent camera controls compared to this crap!
Speaking of Banjo, while I did have my problems with that game as well, I would dare say it has plenty of improvements over Mario 64 such as not being booted back to the hub every time I find a main collectable and having somewhat better flying controls(which I'll get to soon). That being said, similar to Banjo, it has a tedious issue where every time you come back to a save file, you always start back outside the main hub and, to make things even more frustrating, all your lives are automatically reset to 4. So if you're thinking about farming for extra lives for the more difficult challenges and boss fights, do not plan on turning the game off and coming back later, just forget about it.
I will give it this over Banjo that there's no bullshit quiz show with timed boss rematches and even the final boss against Bowser is a cakewalk compared to Gruntilda. But again, it has it's shortcomings.
Besides stomping on enemies, Mario now can not only punch and kick but can also pick up certain items. Sounds like a decent mechanic but even that's a pain to do. When trying to talk to a character or picking up something, those commands are usually mapped to the same buttons as punch and jump so if you're not in a specific spot, you're gonna have a bad time. Trying to grab a turtle shell from a clam while swimming underwater is an absolute chore and even trying to throw Bowser at a bomb is much harder than it looks.
And yes, there are power-ups like in the other Mario games but only two of which are of any decent help while the one that makes you fly can go eat a dick. When I first got it, it seems to work fine and is even a little fun but once I tried it out on some worlds, it somehow lost it's functionality and now plays like shit. Trying to fly around is frustrating as all hell as I constantly float back down and I need to dive down and back up to gain any height and momentum only for it to barely work thus rendering certain challenges unbeatable. Fuck this shit!
Therefore, the difficulty balance is all over the place. Some challenges take less than two minutes to figure out while others can fuck off for all I care. Seriously, how is anyone supposed to wall-jump to a certain point in Boo's Mansion to reach a Star on the balcony? It's fucking impossible! You know a game isn't appealing to you that well when the best thing you can say about it is that it's swimming controls are competent at best.
I don't mind a game being difficult when it's done right but for Christ's sake, this was a pain in the ass to play through. Thank god that I only needed 70 Stars to finish it or else, I would've slit my own goddamn throat out of frustration.
Say what you will about the old 2D Mario games but the difficulty felt fair and better balanced. If I missed a jump or hurried too quickly to defeat an enemy, that's my own fault, not the games'. Can't say the same for this unfortunately, alot of my failings felt like utter bullshit.

GRAPHICS & PRODUCTION VALUE:
Now let's try to be positive for a moment and at least praise some aspects of the game.
While it is one of the very first of it's kind, the 64-bit graphics are quite nice to look at with some decent shading and models and plenty of iconic visuals. Despite being a port, I haven't had any game-breaking bugs or hard crashes, it just runs perfectly fine. That, and the music by Koji Kondo is excellent and very memorable in it's own right.

FINAL THOUGHTS:
Overall, sorry to say, folks, but Super Mario 64 did not do it for me that much.
While I can respect for alot of good it did for both the franchise and the industry and I'll give it that there are sprinkles of charm, I cannot get over how stiff and clunky it plays. Granted, it plays way better than Conker's Bad Fur Day on Rare Replay but that's not saying much.
Had Nintendo actually remade the game with better controls and camera for 3D All-Stars or, if they were going to port it anyway, touched up them up so that it plays much better, I wouldn't have been so hard on it as I have been.
That being said, Sunshine and Galaxy still play great so pre-ordering 3D All-Stars for it's original asking price wasn't a regrettable loss and I'll definitely play those more over this any day.
If you guys loved this game and still cherish it, hey, that's cool even if I'll barely understand how anyone can play it without smashing a controller in frustration.
But just to play fair for a bit, I'll give it three stars just on the basis that I've played worse-controlling games than this. Far worse! Sonic Heroes, anyone?

Until next time, thank you for taking the time to check out this installment of GAME MODE: ON.
If you liked what you've read here and want to see more, you can go ahead and follow me whenever you want.

And also, don't forget to check out my Letterboxd page for new film reviews every week.

AFTER-NOTE: I'm gonna be holding off on publishing for this site for a while since I've got an event planned for later this year and that's going to take up plenty of time and energy so no more game reviews from me for a while until I'm done with that project. Nevertheless, stay tuned.