BlueTigerSide
I had to play the Sins of the Father-jeep scene with people in the room with me.
1998
The fact that the final boss has a second phase where the most boring song you've heard in your life plays, whereas the first phase is the one with the wicked vocal insert song, should stand as the single worst thing ever done in a video game.
2012
This is what Gone Home tried to be.
2008
One of the most insane things about this game, ostensibly a janky wacky crime game positively dripping with aughts-era attitude, is that the very final mission you unlock, after having done everything else in the game, might have one of the coolest and most fascinating portrayals of a playable character ever. A rejection of being silent and docile despite being completely open to every single bizarre change the player wants to impose on them, and a (spiteful, even!) rejection of any supposed morality one would want to put into a game where the main gameplay is built around being as disastrous for your environment as you possibly can. As such, this is essentially the real Drakengard 2.
All it takes is a remaster on easy-to-access consoles for this game to become the kind of masterpiece that everyone obnoxious who wants to be cool and interesting keeps talking about relentlessly, like Pathologic or NieR. If you can somehow manage to find a copy of the game or emulate it before then, you'll be able to be smug about it if it eventually does get real big, which is the best reason you could have for playing a game.
Absolutely best of all time shit firing on every single front - music rips, story is a solemn discussion about war presented in the superior cutscene style of the FMV, it has one of the greatest final bosses to grace the medium, and the gameplay is the silky smooth arcade goodness that Ace Combat is alone in using.
Absolutely best of all time shit firing on every single front - music rips, story is a solemn discussion about war presented in the superior cutscene style of the FMV, it has one of the greatest final bosses to grace the medium, and the gameplay is the silky smooth arcade goodness that Ace Combat is alone in using.
The Witcher games (more concretely than the books) are about being a professional who is competent and in many cases excellent at your chosen profession. It's about work and the fact that working is unfair, often not fun at all, and that the particular job ol' Gerry Rivers has is actively becoming more and more obsolete. As a result, this is why the majority of people who love this game are normie-leaning dudes with stable minds.
Truly rad soundtrack, doesn't get enough cred for how hard it hits at times.
Truly rad soundtrack, doesn't get enough cred for how hard it hits at times.
2005
God, this cover is so fucking awesome.
Barely playable and not fun which is the point blah blah blah, I'm rating the original shitty release of this 5 stars so you know I'm cooler than you for having played it.
Barely playable and not fun which is the point blah blah blah, I'm rating the original shitty release of this 5 stars so you know I'm cooler than you for having played it.
1996
One of those games that could, with the right push, have become a Movement, a Thing, a Cultural Reset; but it's too bold, too daring, too fucking real, to be able to carry that burden. We absolutely need to bring back FMV games again.
''Now that came in handy as I gauged my progress. While I crawled from Germany to England, my intestines would unravel, such that every three miles I'd have to roll them back up and stuff them back in. It became my benchmark, what I lived for.''
''Now that came in handy as I gauged my progress. While I crawled from Germany to England, my intestines would unravel, such that every three miles I'd have to roll them back up and stuff them back in. It became my benchmark, what I lived for.''
1992
If you've got the guts, you can be a hero. If you stay strong in what you believe in, you can resist the world trying to change you. If you have two moron friends, they'll continually drag you down and fuck everything up for you. All of this is true, and SMT1 knows it.
Extremely annoying to play, but I can't help but think about this classic banger fondly. Switching out the horny evil Loki threat in the original novels that inspired the franchise for a post-apocalyptic setting is, in hindsight, a serendipitous call.
Extremely annoying to play, but I can't help but think about this classic banger fondly. Switching out the horny evil Loki threat in the original novels that inspired the franchise for a post-apocalyptic setting is, in hindsight, a serendipitous call.
This review contains spoilers
Right away, I'm grabbin' a half pint of mead and a shitty mix of medicine and a stone some demon says is 'Life Stone' and already I'm practically broke.
I use the shawty on my ipad to call up my boys Walter and Jonathan and they show up with more Life Stones and also we got some bread or whatever and we all took a bite each and it's great I don't give a fuck.
We all walk over to my boy The Baker's house, and he's got this hustle going where he reads books or some shit, and then moves bread for Walter up in the Casualrities' quarter, then keeps fuckin' talking about books and literature and shit before making the delivery.
I decide to ride with them out to my old neighborhood after seeing it's on fire and I'm thinking, this fuckin' ipad lady is probably gonna read me the riot act when I get there and do the main quest, but until she does, fuck it, I'm celebrating.
At my home crib, Jonathan gets 20 macca in quarters and we just fucking take over this corner with a healspot like it's our fuckin' office, and every once in a while some demon'll show up and we'll bust his ass.
At some point, my buddy Issachar shows up, and he's all tweaked out and he's got this demon pill with him and he's bragging how it's filled with power and how he just fuckin' burned the entire village we grew up in. But fuck! This is when the EXP kicks in and I'm not following him, y'know.
The next thing we know, the fuckin' black samurai show up, Walter grabs me and we just fucking book it into a forest lot and I remember thinkin' I could run 20 miles straight. So we're followin' the black samurai and it's fuckin' freezing and she leads us into this fuckin' forest glen and I don't know what the fuck is goin' on.
The black samurai gets some hot chicks and we all get too horny to focus, and that weirdo freak who reads manga pulls us out of there while I'm riding a good hard wet dream because the demon babes made us fall asleep while we were horny, and I'm all fucked up and Walter and Jonathan leave my party for some reason, and literally the next thing I know I'm runnin' around with them again in Naraku climbing down this fucking tower I don't understand. The climb takes forever and this fucking Minotaur keeps trying to talk to me and I try to tell him I need some peace and quiet or I'm gonna fucking throw up. Once we get him down to 30% health, he starts copping an attitude with me, like he thinks we're just some fucking JRPG kids. I tell him to chill the fuck out and he starts buffing and then I start buffing too.
(The intro dream sequence is cooler than anything else in the game.)
I use the shawty on my ipad to call up my boys Walter and Jonathan and they show up with more Life Stones and also we got some bread or whatever and we all took a bite each and it's great I don't give a fuck.
We all walk over to my boy The Baker's house, and he's got this hustle going where he reads books or some shit, and then moves bread for Walter up in the Casualrities' quarter, then keeps fuckin' talking about books and literature and shit before making the delivery.
I decide to ride with them out to my old neighborhood after seeing it's on fire and I'm thinking, this fuckin' ipad lady is probably gonna read me the riot act when I get there and do the main quest, but until she does, fuck it, I'm celebrating.
At my home crib, Jonathan gets 20 macca in quarters and we just fucking take over this corner with a healspot like it's our fuckin' office, and every once in a while some demon'll show up and we'll bust his ass.
At some point, my buddy Issachar shows up, and he's all tweaked out and he's got this demon pill with him and he's bragging how it's filled with power and how he just fuckin' burned the entire village we grew up in. But fuck! This is when the EXP kicks in and I'm not following him, y'know.
The next thing we know, the fuckin' black samurai show up, Walter grabs me and we just fucking book it into a forest lot and I remember thinkin' I could run 20 miles straight. So we're followin' the black samurai and it's fuckin' freezing and she leads us into this fuckin' forest glen and I don't know what the fuck is goin' on.
The black samurai gets some hot chicks and we all get too horny to focus, and that weirdo freak who reads manga pulls us out of there while I'm riding a good hard wet dream because the demon babes made us fall asleep while we were horny, and I'm all fucked up and Walter and Jonathan leave my party for some reason, and literally the next thing I know I'm runnin' around with them again in Naraku climbing down this fucking tower I don't understand. The climb takes forever and this fucking Minotaur keeps trying to talk to me and I try to tell him I need some peace and quiet or I'm gonna fucking throw up. Once we get him down to 30% health, he starts copping an attitude with me, like he thinks we're just some fucking JRPG kids. I tell him to chill the fuck out and he starts buffing and then I start buffing too.
(The intro dream sequence is cooler than anything else in the game.)
1995
A cautionary tale about short men and the evil they do because of the burdens put upon them by external forces.
1999
Should have called it Kooldelka because it's so cool.
A seminal text. A game that reveals to you exactly who you are. Marvel 3 is not a mirror held up to reality, but a hammer with which to shape it.
You don't play Marvel, Marvel plays you.
You don't play Marvel, Marvel plays you.
The most slurs I've ever seen someone use was when a dude picked Pet Shop and lost the rematch anyway.
2014
This review contains spoilers
Demon's Souls: Absolute power corrupts absolutely, only way to avoid it is to give it up despite it's temptation
Dark Souls: The existential disparity of life and death, and the melancholy of existing in between those two states
This game: what evil pussy does to a mfer
The 'tschlorch' hit sound in this game always makes me kind of frown. Why does it sound so unpleasant?
Dark Souls: The existential disparity of life and death, and the melancholy of existing in between those two states
This game: what evil pussy does to a mfer
The 'tschlorch' hit sound in this game always makes me kind of frown. Why does it sound so unpleasant?