Between a republic federation sent to civilise a wild Mojave, a brutal totalitarian autocracy that wishes to burn everything down so something greater can emerge from the ashes, an enigmatic entity that's ran a city state for 200 years, and a hacked securitron; The most important character is you - because you can kill every single one of these motherfuckers, and F:NV will enthusiastically shake your hand and say "thank you for playing, please come again".

I had a friend vote me out because "the average time on card-swipe is approximately 10 seconds" and I had been there for a full minute. What a fuck-nerd. Anyway, I was innocent and just sucked at card-swipe.

Your friends don't love you if they recommend this game to you. If you decided to play this yourself, you don't love yourself enough.

The bass-playing emo middle child of the prestigious Dark Souls family, who argues with Daddy FromSoft that wearing Converses to the opera will not make them look bad.

It's a forgotten cult-classic that forgot it was a cult-classic, so it simply remained forgotten.

Someone said I had a nice voice over comms, added me to their discord server, and then asked me what my stance was on the n-word.

https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/spongebob/images/0/05/Selling_Out_158.png

Yea, The game's good. We all fucking knew that. What I wanna know is why the fuck did they make Transformed Gruntilda such a baddie.

It's like ordering a "duck entrée" but are served a "dick on tray" instead, and when you get up to leave you realise you can't open the door until your dinner guest Eileen is standing right next to you, but she's currently stuck on a chair on the other end of the room surrounded by three very angry chefs.

Artistically; it paid my rent, gave me sloppy head, and slipped some cash into my wallet on the way out. But mechanically; it's just like every other girl.

Look, when my senile incontinent cat wakes up in the morning, eats all his food, and doesn't shit on the floor; we celebrate. With that in mind, we're celebrating this game.

There is a non-negligible percentage of people aged 18 - 30 that associate this game with a deep core memory of being 15 years old on a school-less summer evening.

It gives that feeling of checking out a new local boutique, only to find an insultingly charming cottage where all the mannequins are in dynamic poses, adorned with fresh flowers and funny hats.

It's like returning to the insultingly charming boutique I mentioned in my GR1 review, where you find a myriad of new mannequins, all uniquely posed with the other older mannequins to create a group photo of style and charm; frozen in time.

If you are a minor, self aware enough to know you're not good with money, or innocently unaware what this game's real purpose is; do not play it. At best, it's a pretty-looking time sink. At worst, it's a crippling gambling addiction that's financially ruined more than one person under its weight. Gambler's fallacy is a real thing, do not fall for it. They do not care about you.