Crackimor
2012
Me after beating the final boss: "Wait, why is it called Devil May Cry anyway? What does that even mean?"
When Dante proceeded to say "Devil's never cry." my jaw was on the floor.
Mastapeece.
When Dante proceeded to say "Devil's never cry." my jaw was on the floor.
Mastapeece.
2002
Sorry, don't quite see this being "one of the best in the series", it's easily my least favourite so far.
Too linier and restrictive, whilst also being the most bullshit with its difficulty.
Why are you only allowed to explore AFTER you've beaten the game? The only reason you would be exploring is to find upgrade items you likely couldn't get before because you lacked certain upgrade abilities. So why then would you lock all of the fucking doors?!?!
You're just supposed to know where everything is first time and the exact order when you collect things. If you've beaten the game, you probably don't need them anymore, because the game's over now. If you got unlucky and missed energy tanks (that are hidden behind walls that aren't telegraphed), and now you're struggling because bosses kill you in 5 hits; tough shit.
Speaking of the bosses, they're pricks. I don't know how you're supposed the fight some of these guys without trading damage with them. The arenas are microscopic and they take up 1/4 of that space, whilst moving from each side within 2 seconds. Could tolerate this if they didn't take an entire bar of energy from sneezing on you.
I get it, it's a pseudo-horror game; you're supposed to feel fragile and claustrophobic. I'd be fine with that, but preventing players from being able to access upgrades because of "plot-reasons" is just wrong. If you could explore this would be a star higher, but as is: Fuck This Game.
Too linier and restrictive, whilst also being the most bullshit with its difficulty.
Why are you only allowed to explore AFTER you've beaten the game? The only reason you would be exploring is to find upgrade items you likely couldn't get before because you lacked certain upgrade abilities. So why then would you lock all of the fucking doors?!?!
You're just supposed to know where everything is first time and the exact order when you collect things. If you've beaten the game, you probably don't need them anymore, because the game's over now. If you got unlucky and missed energy tanks (that are hidden behind walls that aren't telegraphed), and now you're struggling because bosses kill you in 5 hits; tough shit.
Speaking of the bosses, they're pricks. I don't know how you're supposed the fight some of these guys without trading damage with them. The arenas are microscopic and they take up 1/4 of that space, whilst moving from each side within 2 seconds. Could tolerate this if they didn't take an entire bar of energy from sneezing on you.
I get it, it's a pseudo-horror game; you're supposed to feel fragile and claustrophobic. I'd be fine with that, but preventing players from being able to access upgrades because of "plot-reasons" is just wrong. If you could explore this would be a star higher, but as is: Fuck This Game.
2009
It's so quaint playing this after everything else Hidetaka and his team made following it.
This may be the teams weakest title, but this is THE game; this was when legends were born.
This may be the teams weakest title, but this is THE game; this was when legends were born.
1990
What the hell was Dr Light thinking when making Proto Man?
A battle robot that just jumps around like a bitch?
Imagine being a conscious robot with free-thought, designed by your creator, while he was drunk and thought it would be funny to make you never stop jumping, only to throw you in the trash after he sobered up and realised how useless you were, then started work on another robot.
I'd seek revenge too. Too bad I wouldn't be able to kill him because I can't stop FUCKING JUMPING
A battle robot that just jumps around like a bitch?
Imagine being a conscious robot with free-thought, designed by your creator, while he was drunk and thought it would be funny to make you never stop jumping, only to throw you in the trash after he sobered up and realised how useless you were, then started work on another robot.
I'd seek revenge too. Too bad I wouldn't be able to kill him because I can't stop FUCKING JUMPING
1994
"Get away from her you BITCH!"
1989
I can't believe this game predicted the ending to the 2002 M. Night Shyamalan movie "Signs".
2022
Strange one to be honest: subjectively I had so much fun with this and want to rate it higher, but looking at it objectively, this is such a mess that's 12 years behind the times that I also want to rate it lower.
I can see another Sonic Colours situation here; the rabid praise from Sonic fans comes across as cartoonishly overblown because something that's even slightly quality is marked as "Game of the Year" because the last title was so miserable, literally ANYTHING will be seen as an improvement over Forces.
Give it some time and the hype will die down, just like with Colours. If we can get a sequel that will be the Generations to Frontiers' Colours, we might actually have another great "Sonic Team" game since... Generations...
I can see another Sonic Colours situation here; the rabid praise from Sonic fans comes across as cartoonishly overblown because something that's even slightly quality is marked as "Game of the Year" because the last title was so miserable, literally ANYTHING will be seen as an improvement over Forces.
Give it some time and the hype will die down, just like with Colours. If we can get a sequel that will be the Generations to Frontiers' Colours, we might actually have another great "Sonic Team" game since... Generations...
2023
This review was written before the game released
The mere existence of this "game" annoys me; this is an update disguised as a sequel. If they were upfront and just announced it for what it really is, no-one would bat an eye, so call it Overwatch 2 and boom, people become interested.
As much as the misleading, scummy nature of it disgusts me, it's still Overwatch, a game that I thought was decent (even fun sometimes). That said, every single problem I had with the game before has not been addressed, in fact they're even worse now.
Going free-to-play is good... until you realise they only did it so they can charge extortionate prices for skins. When players long for the days of lootboxes, you know something is wrong.
$20 for 1 FUCKING SKIN! At least lootboxes would net you multiple rewards, and you could unlock them without spending money, you did it by doing this crazy thing called "playing the game". Oh sorry, I forgot, you CAN unlock the skins by playing the game, yeah, have fun grinding those bullshit missions for 6 months for that 1 skin.
I don't hate the game itself, I more hate what it represents. It's like with the 3D All Stars Collection; tons of small little problems that spoil the otherwise solid core design. That apple might be ripe to the core, but the outside of it is absolutely rotten. Why would you eat it?
As much as the misleading, scummy nature of it disgusts me, it's still Overwatch, a game that I thought was decent (even fun sometimes). That said, every single problem I had with the game before has not been addressed, in fact they're even worse now.
Going free-to-play is good... until you realise they only did it so they can charge extortionate prices for skins. When players long for the days of lootboxes, you know something is wrong.
$20 for 1 FUCKING SKIN! At least lootboxes would net you multiple rewards, and you could unlock them without spending money, you did it by doing this crazy thing called "playing the game". Oh sorry, I forgot, you CAN unlock the skins by playing the game, yeah, have fun grinding those bullshit missions for 6 months for that 1 skin.
I don't hate the game itself, I more hate what it represents. It's like with the 3D All Stars Collection; tons of small little problems that spoil the otherwise solid core design. That apple might be ripe to the core, but the outside of it is absolutely rotten. Why would you eat it?
1986
Dracula: "Grimmy... bring me everyone..."
Grim Reaper: "What do you mean everyone?"
Dracula: "EEEVERYYYOOONE!!!"
Grim Reaper: "What do you mean everyone?"
Dracula: "EEEVERYYYOOONE!!!"
2011
Want to play as a large cast of Disney characters?
No you don't!
You want to play as bunch of little knock off Minions that are dressed up like those classic Disney characters.
Yeah, that's what you want, have fun dip-shit.
No you don't!
You want to play as bunch of little knock off Minions that are dressed up like those classic Disney characters.
Yeah, that's what you want, have fun dip-shit.
2011
Star Wars, but for furries.
Everyone: "Well maybe it wouldn't play so bad if it wasn't for the fact that the Kinect sucks balls."
Microsoft: "What did you say punk?"
Everyone: "The Kinect... sucks... BALLS!!!"
Microsoft: "What did you say punk?"
Everyone: "The Kinect... sucks... BALLS!!!"
2022
As nice as it is to own the (mostly) definitive versions of these games in a single package, I can't help but feel like the 'anniversary collection' aspect is a little... shit. What's here is great, it just needed more of it.
What I'm trying to say is... this absolutely demolishes Mario 3D All Stars.
What I'm trying to say is... this absolutely demolishes Mario 3D All Stars.
2024
This review was written before the game released
This is basically a sequel to Space Jam: A New Legacy.
So yeah, game of the millennium.
So yeah, game of the millennium.
Okay, so take Scrooge McDuck, Eileen the (Simp) Crow, Tony Hawk, and Wario, put em' in a game together... Mastapeece.