they weren't kidding, this really is a game of pressure. Knowing how unpredictable atari games are though I honestly thought that this could be a game where you do nothing but use a virtual pressure cooker lmao.

The game involves going back and forth between a top and bottom screen where you need to make burgers according to customer demands on the top section and sort out which order goes where on the bottom section. Because our friend Short-Order Sam makes burgers in his proprietary burger dojo, the ingredients in the kitchen are flung at random towards him where he must either pick up the ingredients he needs or parry that shit back to the ingredient box. The burgers chug along a conveyor belt so you gotta be quick on your feet collecting what you need and sorting it out without making any mistakes.

and boy howdy do you NOT need to make any mistakes!! Instead of a life counter you have a "performance score" where if it hits 0 its game over. You start with 50 points and missing an ingredient costs 1 point, mis-sorting a burger or dropping it altogether costs 5 points, and having a burger fall off the conveyor belt costs a whopping 10 points. If you lose your mojo and get in a bad rhythm of burger-making, it's incredibly easy for the burger losses to stack up quickly and end your game before you even know it. I will definitely say that the RNG nature of both the random order of what ingredients get thrown AND the customer demands can sometimes put you in a very difficult or borderline unwinnable scenerio, so sometimes its better to tank a burger loss or two to reset your groove and try to recoup your lost points. Every 10k points you get 10 performance points added to your total, and it's through clearing levels with as many performance points remaining as possible that you will get a really high score. My only real gameplay gripe is that while you CAN parry away any ingredients that you might not need to get rid of them, that's only able to be done if you aren't holding anything. If you accidentally pick up something that no customers are clamoring for, there's no way to get rid of it and it can very easily ruin an entire run as you usually have to sacrifice a whole burger to get rid of it and then by that point the mojo has been ruined and that's that. If you are trying to score high and hit that 45k point threshold to enter the prestigious Short Order Squad, it is imperative that you don't make mistakes, as your score is heavily punished for screwups, and they will build up over time. I was able to hit 49k through a decent run bolstered by good RNG, so it's not an impossibly high goal. My protip is to just always play at the highest difficulty (game 7) as it's only marginally faster than the lower difficulties yet yields way higher point gains. The manual surprisingly doesn't even mention what the difficulties do, but it does for some reason have an entire page dedicated to burger facts. Did you know the first Cheeseburger in America was served in Los Angeles in 1929? You do now!

This is a highkey banger for the system, it has a perfect level of depth, difficulty, and responsiveness to get me going alongside RNG elements that aren't absolute bullshit but just enough to constantly keep me hitting that reset button with that "i can do better next time" energy. Absolutely worth a play, probably one of my new atari favorites thus far. Activision hits it out of the park once again, so far of what I've played these guys have made better games than atari themselves!!

In an attempt to try to stay relevant and hip with all the cool video game series out on the market, the previous Double Dragon game, Double Dragon V: The Shadow Falls, switched things up by turning the series into a fighting game, and it worked just as well as you would expect it to. It made a valiant effort, having a lot to do for a standard fighting game for the time, and it also tied itself into the Double Dragon cartoon show, which is just hilarious, but it offered nothing new for the genre as a whole, it had all of the typical problems you could expect from a 90s fighter, and it felt pretty rough and rigid, certainly not being as smooth or fluid as other games like Street Fighter II or even Mortal Kombat II. However, if Technos was anything back in the day, they certainly were stubborn, too much for their own good, so they would go ahead and try this again with yet another fighting game released just one year later, known simply as Double Dragon.

This one was actually properly made and released for arcades rather then for the SNES and Genesis, and rather than being based on the Double Dragon cartoon show, this one was actually based on the Double Dragon movie that was made just one year earlier. Unlike the cartoon, I have actually seen that movie before (cough, review, cough), and it was complete and utter garbage, so needless to say, I was really excited to get into this. Not to mention, given the fact that this was a Neo Geo fighting game, I imagine it was gonna have SOME level of quality to it, seeing as most of those games generally do, so I imagined it was gonna be at least somewhat competent in comparison to what came before it. Thankfully, I was right with my assumptions, as it actually turned out to be a pretty good game, not one that I would go out and play over any other fighter released at the time, but it was definitely an improvement over what came before it, and it proved to be a pretty fun time, certainly a lot more than the movie it is based on.

The story is pretty much exactly the same as that of the movie, which can just be boiled down to “bad people are doing bad things, so Billy and Jimmy gotta go beat em up”, but really, you aren’t playing any Double Dragon game for the sake of the story, so who really cares, the graphics are pretty great, having plenty of colorful stages and designs for characters, plenty of great animations, and effects in general, but it doesn’t look too much more impressive than any other fighting game for the Neo Geo, the music is pretty good, having plenty of tracks that fit pretty well with the overall tone of the game and for what is currently going on on screen, but none of the tracks stuck out to me all too much, and the gameplay/control is what you would expect, except this time, it is made much more tolerable and actually fun to play, showing that Technos actually had some kind of character development for once.

The game is a typical one-on-one fighter, where you take control of one of ten different characters, each of them hailing from either the Double Dragon games or the movie in one way or another, take on plenty of opponents in a vast amount of locations that you have probably seen in plenty of other fighting games before, deliver many different punches, kicks, and special moves against your opponents to dwindle their health down to nothing, make sure to dodge, block, and counter whatever moves may come your way to ensure you take as little damage as possible, and reign supreme over your opponents to prove that you really are the true Double Dragon……… or some cliche shit like that, I dunno. Most of it is what you would expect from your typical fighting game, with the game not enhancing the genre or putting a spin on it in any way whatsoever, but I will give it credit for, again, taking what it had before with Double Dragon V and improving on it exponentially.

Just in general, the game feels a lot better to play than Double Dragon V, feeling pretty fluid and smooth when it comes to how you go about executing your moves. It doesn’t feel quite as games like SSFIIT or Mortal Kombat 3, but the movement is consistent and fast enough, while the combat has a proper feel to it that makes the impact of your hits and combos feel like they amount to something. Not to mention, the game also takes hints from plenty of other fighting games that were made at the time by adding in a charge meter to fights. Once this thing is charged up, you can unleash several different kinds of super moves on your opponent to take out a large chunk of their health, such as with a more powered up version of your regular special moves, or even ones that can power you up for the remainder of the fight, allowing you to be faster and deal way more damage then before. I wouldn’t say these are the end-all solutions to winning every single battle, but pulling off these moves can quickly change the tides of battle, and they feel damn good to pull off successfully, especially the ones that power you up physically. Also, this doesn't change the quality of the game at all, but the PS1 version of this game (the version I played) also has various clips and screenshots from the movie, and my god…….. I haven't laughed quite as hard as I did looking at those in a long time. Thanks, Double Dragon Neo Geo, cause I really needed that.

However, if none of that sounds all too original or exciting to you, then you would be right on the money, as the game, as a whole, isn’t all too original or exciting. Sure, it is competently made, and you can have a pretty decent time playing it, but it doesn’t have much going for it when compared to the MANY different other fighters that were out at this point like, again, Street Fighter II, Mortal Kombat, or any of the million fighting games made by SNK. Also, the character roster is pretty lacking, only having 10 different fighters for you to choose from, which is quite a bit, but considering the amount of fighters that some of these games had at this point, it is quite a downgrade. Not to mention, aside from the main duo, as well as two other recognizable DD characters, there aren’t many others here that you would wanna play as. Seriously, are you really that eager to play as the widely beloved character Eddie?.............. yeah, didn’t think so.

Overall, despite its lack of innovation on the genre and disappointing character roster, Double Dragon for the Neo Geo manages to take everything that Double Dragon V did wrong and properly corrected it, while also adding in several different features and fixes that do make the game much more fun to play as a result. I would recommend it for those who are big Double Dragon fans, as well as those who weren’t too keen on what Double Dragon V managed to give them, because while this won’t give you anything you weren’t expecting, it will still manage to satisfy those who wanna beat up their friends and fighting game fanatics alike. Unfortunately though, this would be the last Double Dragon game that Technos would ever make, as the company would go bankrupt just one year later, leading to the series getting left in the dust, only to then get thrown around and abused by devs soon enough……….. but then again, Technos didn’t really handle it that much better when they were making the games, so this is really nothing new for the series at that point.

Game #599

Watched Market Pliers play this game a year and a half ago and thought it looked really neat, and what do ya know? It is neat.

This game wears its Resident Evil influence on its sleeve (non-coincidentally, my second Resident Evil inspired game review in a row), but you don't need to know a thing about Resident Evil to get your mileage out of this - case and point, I don't know pretty much anything about RE and I liked it. Also some Amnesia influence thrown in there.

I recommend going in blind for sure, while the story is nothing special (in fact, it is, quite literally, a nightmare, a fact the game doesn't hide), there are some surprises you won't want spoiled, and a few decent scares. Not much more to say for me. 2 hour game and cheap.

There are some large spiders in this one, though, I guess that's worth noting for some people. They're late game and you'll see their webs first, but still worth noting.

Take the most fun weapons in your game, then make them practically unusable due to an extremely strict mana system.

Put really fluid and smooth movement in your game, but then make all the enemies track you perfectly and all the projectiles homing.

Put tons of enemies, projectiles and environmental hazards on screen for a challenging experience, then make taking damage blur your entire screen so you can't see anything.

Then wrap it up in a neat roguelite bow with random upgrades during level ups, and you've got yourself Ziggurat.

It's got so much potential to be better than it is that it genuinely hurts to talk about it so negatively. The game shines when you have the ammo reserves for weapon switching and you're zooming around the arenas like you're in Quake. And on the plus side, it honestly doesn't look too bad. It's got a Hexen-like grunginess I find interesting. But too often you're just pinging bullet sponges with your wand while taking way too much damage in return. This makes it feel like a frustrating chore, which is the last thing you ever want in a roguelite title that hinges on constant replayability.

I was a LEGO kid. I love LEGOs, theres something about the act of building things that has resonated with some deeper part of my personality and greatly impacted my creative existence - and so its actually kind of surprising how few LEGO video games actually let you build something piece by piece. Builders Journey, in basically every way you could look at it, is a love letter to LEGO and what LEGO represents. Small building puzzle dioramas rendered in minimal and luscious fashion, sporting a simple but touching lil story of adventure and assembly, resembling the small box sets you might crack open on a quiet Saturday afternoon in August maybe 25 years ago, when a couple more unique parts for your own toolbox was just as important as whatever fun structure the instructions taught you how to make. It means so much that, while the puzzles are incredibly simple, their solutions are not always strict; you can still over- and under-build to your creative hearts content.

Most importantly: Its also kind of boring sometimes. Interesting in concept, austere in practice.

Less substantial than the Dredge DLC as the rewards are just a few new dishes and a Godzilla bowhead, and its mostly one big boss fight which isn't the game's strongest aspect. Still they have Miki from the Heisei era movies and Ebirah show up so there was clearly some genuine fan love here instead of just getting the Godzilla name for the publicity alone so it’s all worth it. Make sure to add this to your account though, because apparently it'll only be available until like the end of the year or so.

Hellblade 2 is a game that should be more honest with itself. Solving third-rate puzzles that don't provide any challenge, or facing enemies in scripted combat from the beginning to the end of the game, doesn't do him any good. And I think that's the point that so many people are missing. In fact, Hellblade 2 would not be better with wider and deeper gameplay, but rather, with a greater absence of it.

Senua's Saga's greatest strengths are the moments when the game sets out to be a unique and bizarre experience, rather than its gameplay-focused segments. It's been a long time since I felt genuine anxiety playing something, and Hellblade 2 gave me that, whether with extremely uncomfortable sequences that cause a feeling of claustrophobia, dread and disgust, or just with Senua deliberating, disturbed and lost with herself and her thoughts, insecurities, and fear of whatever lies ahead.

I already had this thought when I played the first game, and it only intensified and became more serious when the developer releases a sequel seven years later, with one hell of a generational leap, and delivers something extremely similar, not to mention simpler and less meaningfull than the previous one.

There's no shame in developing a cinematic and interactive game focused completely on the narrative and remarkable moments. I can only hope that, if we are ever going to have a third game, Ninja Theory has a more aligned vision of delivering ONLY what Hellblade in its essence truly is, or at least should be.

Okay nevermind my Operation Anchorage review.

Coming back to it as an adult with a fully formed brain and an actual belief system, The Pitt is my least favourite FO3 expansion by a country mile.

In part because while the others are bad, The Pitt is both bad and actually offensive.

Fallout 3 already has problems with invoking the imagery and motifs of American Slavery - a very real thing that scarred entire generations for about three centuries, killed hundreds of thousands of very real people and ruined tons of very real countries - while attempting to be impartial and ~nonpolitical~.
Fallout 2 is a dogshit-ass game that I have little love for, but when it brought slavery into the equation it had the correct idea of not invoking the Civil Rights Movement and associated iconography.
Fallout 3 had no such wisdom, which means you use an "underground Railroad movement" to free uh... A white man. Hey fun fact, the black leader of the escaped slaves - Hannibal Hamlin - is white in his ending slide

The Pitt doubles down on this in the worst way possible: By trying to Both Sides slavery.

Let's just lay out Ishmael Ashur's whole deal, right?

Ashur is an insane but erudite ex-Brotherhood religious zealot who, upon seeing a city dominated by endless hordes of cannibalistic murder-rapist Raiders, decided it would be best if he built a manufacturing empire out of its corpse. This empire is built with slave labor. Lots and lots and lots of slave labor. Slave labor that, given Ashur buys from Fallout 3's slave labor, almost certainly includes children too. These slaves die at such a rapid pace that external slavers are struggling to fulfill the shipment quotas thanks the horrific meat treadmill Ashur runs.
This regime is enforced by a system of eugenics (wherein slaves aren't allowed to have children), propaganda (in which Ashur promises all this is a "temporary measure" and that slaves can "earn" their freedom in brutal gladiator battles) and a caste of ex-raiders who - despite Ashur's alleged reformation - are still murderous rapists that are far too eager to torture, kill or maim slaves.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand The Pitt wants you to consider him a valid choice against his opponent.

Wernher is a bit of a dick, he's blunt and to the point at all times. He doesn't really care about the slaves but is entirely willing to free them for his goals. All he asks of you is that you steal a baby.

"WHOA!" Said most of the gaming landscape and also all of FO3's writers. "Stealing a baby is fucked up. This is such a morally grey choice."

But to take The Pitt's main dilemma as a morally choice is to not at all interrogate the seting, which is a really embarassing thing to happen when you wrote it.

Let's just interrogate it right here, shall we? Fun teambuilding exercise.

The core conceit of this allegedly "morally grey choice" is that Marie, as a literal baby, is innocent of the sins of her parents and thus shouldn't be subject to harm as a means to punish them. This is fair on its own, but to take that at face value means either deliberately or incidentally having major blindspots.
First of all, despite Wernher declarig he doesn't give a shit about Marie's health, it's also stated more than a few times that Midea - her carer if you side with the slaves - is looking after her during the experiments... Experiments which also happen if you side with Ashur.
Secondly, The Pitt naturally doesn't bother depicting child slavery - ostensibly due to developer cowardice - even though it's abundantly clear that's a thing given the connection between Paradise Falls (a place that sells to The Pitt and has numerous child slaves) and The Pitt, plus The Pitt is infinitely larger than is depicted ingame. With that in mind, one has to ask: What makes Marie more entitled to safety than the child slaves that're almost certainly a part of Ashur's great 'empire'? Sure, she's a baby, but this machine has already trampled over the corpses of children.
Third, and perhaps the most impactful question: What happens to the children born of Ashur's slaves? I like this one because there's no answer that makes the slavers look good. If the children are enslaved, then there's the obvious caveat; they're enslaving children. If the children are free, then the slavers steal children from their parents to be indoctrinated as brutal, amoral raiders. How is it worse, then, to steal a baby away to relative safety? It may not be squeaky clean, but no liberation movement ever was and the opposition are hardly innocent angels.

Ashur's sole defence when confronted with his crimes is that this is a "temporary, necessary measure" on the road to "emancipation" for everyone, which... does not work. At all.
To buy into this is to believe that Ashur's Raiders, with all their brutality and slavery and their entire arsenal of systemic oppression, would relinquish total control over The Pitt and elevate the slaves to a position of equality.
I regularly lay into Bethesda Fallout for being overly cynical garbage written by people who're emotionally still 14, but in the case of The Pitt I feel that cynicism has dug a grave for the story pre-emptively. If you take Bethesda Fallout at face value, it encourages the player to view things cynically and bitterly. Why should The Pitt get an exception? Nothing about this DLC stokes optimism.

It feels like this DLC was made by and for people who think Malcolm X was bad because he advocated for violent resistance, or think that any social movement is only valid so long as it remains entirely peaceful, quiet and out of mind. The core dilemma just falls apart entirely if questioned or interrogated at all, so while it might appeal to people who say the words "thinking too hard" about people who take videogames even slightly seriously, it must be pure brain poison to people who actually use that wet sack of meat inside their skull.

In other, less kind words: This DLC sucks doodoo shit and the writers should find jobs working as janitors in a kitchen - not chefs, because they clearly can't cook shit.

The only slightly redeeming part of this DLC is the Steel Ingot collectathon; a treasure hunt where you can scavenge up to 100 ingots in a map that's relatively well designed and may be the only cell in FO3 with any real thought in it. It's not very long if you, like me, have memorized the route, but the area it takes place in is relatively atmospheric and also conveniently disconnected from the overall conflict.

That the only good part is entirely detached from the rest of the DLC should be all the review you need, honestly.

The Complete Saga is one of the first games I can recall playing with my siblings, alongside things like Wii Sports and Rock Band. I thought about just emulating that version instead but I figured the original GameCube versions would be less intensive to stream with friends, so expect the sequel to this one soon.

You could argue it's a little insubstantial, but LEGO Star Wars for me is tons of casual, low-stakes fun. The Minikits turn it into somewhat of a collectathon and bring a bit more to the table, but not necessarily challenge. I'm more than fine with this game being easy as it is, likely being a game aimed for children and all, but I can see how it would be a detractor for some.

The only major problems are with the flying stages, which are apparently nerfed in The Complete Saga anyways. Here, while you still have infinite lives, they're noticeably more strict than the rest of the game. Gunship Cavalry is especially bad, an isometric shooter reminiscent of the really shit one from Earthworm Jim 2. The controls are both far too floaty and yet also kind of limited, in the sense that there's only one plane of movement and it isn't conveyed well visually. You'd think from the way everything is laid out that you would be able to raise or lower yourself, but such is not the case. Either way, probably the only outright crap level in the game, as the other two flying stages throughout definitely feel a bit less awkward.

While it isn't quite the same as my childhood memories with just one player, I had a lot of fun revisiting this. The Original Trilogy is up next, and as far as the movies themselves go I've always been much more fond of those. Looking forward to that.

i hate how much i use my phone, & this certainly hasn't been helping recently. but, while struggling with self-motivating, this has been an invaluable tool in getting me out of the house & moving. last week i walked 40km! crazy!

would like to figure out a balance between these two things. i want to be more active. i want to spend less time looking at screens. but i think this is a good place to start.

anyway if you still play pokemon go in the year 2024 pls pls pls tell me your friend code!! i need to send gifts to people for research tasks LOL

also... if you have a mawile... let me know... 🥺