Fisher lived right near college, so every lunchtime we'd sprint over there and cram in 50 minutes of multiplayer gaming. We all chipped in to buy extra pads for Goldeneye, five of us crammed on his bed, each round the loser and spectator swapping places. Best time.

When I got my own copy, I found it a mixed bag. One of those games where you have favourite bits you do over and over again, and horrible bits you avoid forever. And the floor pattern bit in Egypt, WTF were they thinking with that bullshit?

Addendum: I wrote the above not having touched the game for years. Recently I've been playing it again on Switch, with a Tribute64 pad, and once again I'm having the best time. All of my teen frustrations have melted away (in part thanks to a buttery smooth framerate and save states), and I love it more than ever.

There's a special joy that can only be found in seeing Sean Bean and Robbie Coltrane slide around a room, firing off an entire clip and not landing a single hit, while you walk towards them both with a rocket launcher. Haven't laughed in this exact way for over twenty years.

Look forward to me pestering you all to play this with me at every opportunity.

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Apart from copying several pages of BASIC into a Speccy in a failed attempt to make a tennis game, and writing a 2-player turn-based penalty shootout game in a desperate attempt to wring some entertainment out of the graphical calculator I was forced to purchase by the state, I've never really gotten into programming. It's something I've always fancied trying, but my severe lack of work ethic and my personal philosophy of Extreme Amateurism has always held me back. UNTIL NOW! Maybe.

In the last couple of weeks I've played only two games, and this is one of them. After a bouncing ball in one of the tutorials accidently made a neat rhythm, I got obsessed with the idea of making a drum machine. Learning how to make this system do what I want has been the most satisfying thing I've experienced in a long time. Doesn't hurt that it's incredibly charming too, all the Nodon are funny little freaks and I love them.

I'm sure, as many folk seem to love po-facedly pointing out, that this is very limited compared to "real" game creation tools. Who gives a shit. Working within limitations can be a wonderful experience, and is something everyone should try. Plus have you seen what people are doing with this? Starfox, Metal Gear, Kirby's Air Ride, Waverace...I think people are going to be stretching this thing to breaking point, and I'm excited to see how far that is.

Third time we took mushrooms, we must have done it a bit wrong because we didn't really get much out of it. I was staring at the carpet, straining to see a pattern which was almost certainly just the faint shadows cast by the net curtains, trying to convince myself this was great, when a pal pointed out the music in the background.

Ego Tripping At The Gates Of Hell was playing, and had just reached the bit where it repeats "must have been tripping / but that moment never came", and we all just looked at each other and quietly agreed to do something else.

Never actually played this against another person, so couldn't tell you if the fairly dry gameplay is enhanced by having a real opponent,

but

the music generation system is really interesting (https://youtu.be/sJTY1AAYgKg), with headphones attached you can close the DS and just let it play and morph and take you on a little trip, very nice.

Having just lost several powerful characters named after folk I know online, I feel like it's time to take a good hard look at this whole experience in the hopes of convincing myself to sack it off and spend my time in other ways.

There's a triangle of elements that need to be balanced for a strategy game to really get its hooks into me: dynamic tactical combat, varied base management, and a sort of non-linear open progression. XCOM has routinely done it best, all the way back to UFO, but Darkest Dungeon makes a cracking alternative. That feeling of running an organisation which has a specific end goal but you get to choose the path that takes you there, every single step of the way, sending out crews to do the tasks that support the big picture. It's just very satisfying, it looks and sounds and plays great, and there's so much of it you could play for months on end. It's a very good game. And I'm always on the lookout for more games that fit in this box.

HOWEVER

It's very easy for this one to start feeling like a routine. A job. A chore. Often you do a bit of it, but can't see that you've made any progress. Estate's haunted, grab a musket and head on in. Ah wait we need more of two of the six currencies, better go again. And again. And again.

Slowly I realise I'm not an adventurer risking life and limb for excitement's sake, I'm the guy in the prologue. I'm old and tired and I've had enough. Time to shoot myself and let someone else manage the guild. Bye!