To nintendoamerica3@hotmail.com

Cc reggiefilsaime@gmail.com +70102 others

Big Fat Fucking Stacks of Cash

Dearest Nintendo,

Just steal this dude's fucking game and sell it for 20 bucks. "Oh, how do I make money? Oh, it's so hard being a mega-corporation worth billions of dollars, waaaa" Just steal his game and put it on the Nintendo Switch. What's he going to do, sue you? It's literally a free 100 million dollars. Why would you not do this?

Yours sincerely,

The only smart person in the history of video games (Henry Vines)

"Why Henry? *sniffle* Why are you rating this? Its a bunch of mazes you beat in a single 35 minute sitting! You might as well rate the Saturday morning sudoko in the local newspaper as well! Waaah waaah."

Shut up twerp. My grandfather served in the second world war. Every day my grandmother didn't know if he'd come home. But once a month she'd receive a letter from the front lines confirming his survival. "Sarge gave me the Newspaper for this week, cross word was a bit shit this time, 3/5." I am honouring a multi generational legacy with this rating. I am literally fighting a war on backloggd.com right now. What are you doing? Playing Final Fantasy 7-2.67? How about you get a grip before you tell me how to run MY account.

This is one of the most mixed of mixed bags I've played in a while, which makes sense because my relationship with the Kirby series is kind of complicated. While games like Kirby Super Star (both original and Ultra) and Kirby Air Ride are some of my favorite games of all time, a lot of times my experience with Kirby games ends up being pretty weird. There are games like Kirby's Dreamland 3, which is a beautiful game, but getting 100% gets too annoying and tedious for me to remember it fondly. Kirby games tend to do this thing where in order to get the main collectable you have to have chosen the exact right power up earlier in the level and know exactly what to do with it in order to get the collectable, otherwise you simply have to do the whole level again, and I never enjoyed this aspect of the series. Kirby Squeak Squad did this so much of this that, along with just feeling super mediocre in terms of gameplay, I pretty much gave up on the series, and haven't played a new installment since the DS. With this in mind, I'm both super impressed and disappointed with Star Allies.

Star Allies is the latest in what seems to be the current formula of Kirby game, starting with Return to Dreamland. I had missed out on all the games in this style, and I had no idea just how elaborate the powers have gotten. Like, not only are there so many new power ups, many probably introduced in previous entries, but they all have so many different inputs, it rules. Old powerups feel a lot more exciting and ones that are new like spider and staff are great as well. This makes switching power ups a lot easier, as it no longer feels like certain power ups are more boring than others, and so I had a lot more fun with the variety of abilities here.

This game also has the dream friends, characters from previous games that can now be used as partners or playable characters in other modes. All of the returning characters look wonderful and their animations are perfect for their characters (Marx and Adeleine are my personal favorites). They also all have really fun movesets, where boss characters just have their full boss moveset available to use and other characters have super unique and exciting movesets to work with. I love this aspect of the game, but I do feel bad for people who bought this at launch and probably finished story mode without ever getting to use these characters.

Story mode ends up being the weakest part of this game. The level design just feels like it's on autopilot, like "yeah these are the parts that make up a Kirby level, ship it". I know I said I didn't like the way previous games handled collectibles, but "the power up you need for this challenge is right next to the challenge and it can be completed in one step" isn't necessarily the answer I wanted. The bland level design isn't helped by the way worlds are structured, where there are only four worlds and the last one has way more than the others. The last world has you going to several planets in space, which mostly just means different planets of the same themes we've seen in previous worlds. This leads to finishing the fourth world feeling like nothing, as there's really no progression to the levels. You'd think for one of Nintendo's most beloved characters, there'd be more polish for the story mode, but it feels like nothing.

The actual mechanic of gaining partners with hearts is kind of neat, and it's nice to basically have three back up power-ups. I wish I could turn my current power up into a partner like in Super Star as well, though, but I guess that's more of a personal preference. I imagine this game gets a lot better in co-op, as a lot of games do, but in single player it can feel a little much to have three CPU partners, especially in bosses where it becomes hard to tell what's a boss attack and what's an attack from your partners. There's also friend abilities, where you can combine partner powers with your current power, and I thought it was going to get into some good Kirby 64 stuff but it really just amounts to different melee abilities having elemental properties or throwing partners at blocks, which was disappointing. The friend actions are actually pretty fun though, I actually didn't mind any of the sequences that used them.

After completing the story mode, you unlock the three big post-game modes, and they're all great. Being able to do a boss rush as the dream friends is super fun, and Heroes in Another Dimension is just some really good Kirby game design. Guest Star isn't as interesting, but it's still fun. These post-game modes really prove that there's a lot solid about this game. I constantly found myself admiring the presentation and soundtrack, enjoying the bosses (the final boss in this game is incredible, both in concept and execution), being impressed by complexity of the power-ups, taking screenshots of every frame of Adeleine and Ribbon's animations, but also wishing I was playing a better game, hoping for levels that weren't just the same thing over and over again. I have a feeling that I jumped into the series at a point where it's become a bit fatigued, but despite everything I think there's still some fun here. Really, my main takeaway is that I got to get into Triple Deluxe and Planet Robobot, as it seems those games deliver where this one doesn't.

I think Star Allies is a fantastic game but it’s not something I can really recommend, it’s very much a “you had to be there” game.
The game is very much fanservice for all of Kirby up until this game but especially the Dark Matter trilogy (DL2, DL3, 64). If you don’t have an attachment to those games, you won’t get much out of this game. But also, if you’re new to Kirby and want to play this one, you almost definitely don’t have the same emotional attachment and won’t get much out of it. (…and/or you’ve probably been spoiled already.)
Gameplay wise, the main story is lot easier than usual to make up for the 4-player aspect. But it’s a little too 4-player friendly and ends up being ridiculously easy. Guest Star and Heroes in Another Dimension are fun.
Being a continuation of a set of Kirby games that’ve slowly been getting a worse reputation over the years for their flaws, easier than usual main game, and people expecting the game to be more like Super Star because of the helper system all work against this game. It was a FANTASTIC anniversary celebration, but that’s exactly why I can’t necessarily recommend it.

i cried when this was announced and i cried when i booted the game i cant believe how much kirby is emotionally ruining my life

return to dreamland has been one of my fav games for the longest time since i was like 7 yo or something when i used to play and replay it day and night and i honestly could not believe it when this remaster was announced it was something absolutely breathtaking that i only experienced when SMTV was announced and if you know me im a huge smt fag

i played this game something like 30 times between the normal mode and hard mode and i feel like i could play this blindfolded its just that muscle memory that makes me go so smoothly to the point that i think i finished the base game in like 4 hours this game is short but i dont think its THAT short so i think im sick in the head but anyway that means this game has no secrets for me and still i get back to it every year because i miss my pink ball so much

this also was the first game that made me acquaint with the pink ball of wonders and to this day i love him so dearly i swear i got a recurring joke with some friends about me being kirby because we were born the same day and we are both ENFP so like this is genuinely my entire personality

the review i made for return to dreamland wii didnt really contain all my feelings for this game so its the time to do it on this one

in general this game is quite a standard kirby for the series and you got some fun multiplayer to boot (didnt experience it even once because i got no friends but it looks fun at least) and you follow titular character + the whole crew waddle dee king dedede and meta knight ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ my boyfriend i love him so fucking much in a quest to help poor little magolor from another dimension who got stranded on planet pop and his ship is all fucked up so you gotta help him and all going through different classic worlds that got some parts of the ship

now this is p bland but when i tell you that this game is full of life its so fun its so charming its so UGHHHHHHHH i love it

apart from the ship parts (boss reward) theres some ship gears around the levels that are needed to open up some parts of the ship for extra content like ability rooms or minigames and such so nothing that important i dont usually like collectibles and i dont care but i do religiously seek at least the most important ones or the ones that i remember because its part of the experience to be honest

a gimmick that was added in this game was the mega abilities which to this day still hype me up THEYRE SO FUCKING COOL like you got a big ass sword or a fire dragon or a huge hammer and you tell me not to scream and then theres that ost going tu tu tu TURUTUTUTU TATATATTAT yea no i love mega abilities i think about them everyday

at its core this is a platformer with some puzzle elements as in you gotta think about what ability to use or what to do to get some ship gears but thats basically it everything else is delicious action platformer content
so you go through the levels reconstruct the lor go through some other levels beat landia and then beat the TRUE FINAL BOSS WOOOOOOOOOOO not gonna spoil here anyway so the end

onto remaster stuff

im not a big fan of graphics as in i do not really care how many polygons there are for what i care they could all be 2d triangles i needed to point that out because the other day i was talking with a friend and i told him did you play uncharted and he said no i dont play games like those the graphics are too outdated (?) what ps3 graphics are outdated ok man live your truth so what i wanted to say with this was graphics got better DUh the landscapes are delicious the characters shine of a new light every monster and every environmental element has been polished and pushed to the limits of graphical fidelity and the background images are outstanding to look at but what really got me here are the little artistic touches now THATS the big stuff for me like the little star animations between levels or the new polished UI or even the characters restyling which is less evident in most of them apart from king dedede who looks GORGEOUS in the forgotten lands style hes … hes kinda hot can i say taht here can i umh is that allowed umh ok

also they got some sexy outlines i love outlines

OST remained quite the same i think i dont have the kind of ears to know what the fuck is different between some tracks i needed to listen to kingdom hearts 2.5 remix music and original kh2 ost like 10 times to know what was the difference but again the music in this game is phenomenal if youd let me say this so honestly theres nothing to remix or arrange its prolly just been hd scaled or something so love it

gameplay is basically the same what is different here is the new additional content aiding the gameplay

wii motion controls were seamlessly adapted for the switch control set in mind and work flawlessly even though i kinda miss shaking my fucking wii remote to the hell and back but im fine with pressing B i guess

new abilities were added theres festival who acts like a screen bomb clear which is fine and theres mecha and sand now i thought i was gonna love mecha ability which somehow i do but what really took me by surprise is the fact that i fuck with sand ability too much what the hell that ability is so fun did you look at the moveset that shits amazing people you need to try it firsthand wows

super abilities are mostly the same but they got some faster gameplay and that animation flair uuuuuuuuh delicious fucking great i love the little magic ball animation he looks so fierce kribri i love yoiiiiiiiuuuuuuuu kirbuuuuuuuuu

clearly since theres new abilities but also in general the levels got revamped to some degree to accommodate the new stuff but to the core this is the exact same game you can trust me this is basically return to dreamland wii with fancy graphics

now theres also a new world called merry magoland which is basically a hall for the countless minigames (that i didnt even try if you know me you know i fucking hate minigames im sorry thats true maybe its the trauma from final fantasy fort condor minigame) and where you can use the new ticket collectibles in the level to unlock some useful objects to carry in the levels and get some masks for kirby to wear like its fucking majoras mask this is so funnt they also make sounds im dead anyway this is basically a waddle dee town from the forgotten land clone but its a cute addition anyway for the base game also it looks like magolor my bf so its fine

theres also some missions i guess . never did them goodbye also the bosses get in here after you beat their asses

theres a magolor helper mode if you suck . i dont suck haha so i didnt need it HAHA I FINISHED THE GAME WITH 50+ LIVES LEFT SUCK MY DICK im failing at life but at leasst i can play kirby

i think thats all the new stuff ………………….. I THINK ? idk

ok so anyway MID SPOILER actually if you havent played return to dreamland yet what are you doing honestly

whatever after the final battle against magolor which is one of my fav final bosses of all time literally its perfect its great i love it i want every game to be like this ok anyway you unlock the usual stuff hard mode (didnt do it) arena (didnt do it) and then

a surprise i was not fucking expecting a brand new holy shit magolor mode for people like me who absolutely love magolor . i screamed i screamed i was not ready for this and wow . wow when i finished the main game it was already a 5☆ this sealed the deal

you play as magolor after being defeated by kirby and besties and being stripped of every power in true metroid esque fashion and gets stranded in a place between dimension where he needs to go through some levels to piece together AN . ? apple ok weird twist but anyway

I LOVED THIS MODE . I LOVED IT THIS IS GREAT its like nightmare returns the mode where you play as meta knight but with my other fav character so like . this was particularly made for me as you all can tell

main gimmick is magolor got some basic skills that you can power up by going through levels and acquiring some spirit tears or something so then you can use them to idk get the main attacks range longer or attack stronger to shit like making him faster or modify some abilities or increase the health bar its just . its great you can slowly and steadily see him go from a wounded little bitch to a strong magus and UGHHHHHH i love it i love his movesets i love the levels he goes through i love acquiring the tears in normal levels or extra levels and make him stronger this mode absolutely blew my mind its just wow

wow

so whatever the levels are actually “new” even though they do use the same assets of the base game and the bosses are just reskins of the main game ones but still with new movesets and anyway whats really different here is magolor animation arsenal of spells and absolutely cute battle cries hes ……. hes fucking great people

finished all of this you get to battle against possibly one of my new fav bosses in this series which funnily enough is a tree and no its not whispy woods so thats already 1 less

anyway umh great battle and i love seeing magolor smile in the end hes a sweet boo oof i want to hug him ok

OH ALSO theres remixed osts i forgot about them theyre the base game ones but with some extra flare and i ended up bopping to every of them so good good stuff

so umh

i guess this is it this really is a piece of my heart i just love this game to the moon and back and its still a big part of my life today as it was 10 years ago funnily enough

its kinda weird playing a game that you know everything about and still get excited like it is the first time booting it up idk its a weird feeling do you get that feeling too idk its just yeah

if you look at my ratings i dont usually put 5 stars to basically anything apart from smt mainline stuff and possibly jak 3 or sly 3 or ratchet deadlocked if i played them again because those are also big parts of my childhood and adolescence and to this day they still have a big weight on me like they never left and i guess its due to give this tribute to one of the dearest games i have a 10/10

i enjoyed everything about the remake and they even managed to make me fucking excited for new stuff with the magolor epilogue so congrats nintendo you stole my heart yet again with this pink ball

the forgotten land was a great game that is gonna be a 4.5 stars soon because thats just how much i loved it but still this is the game that i think about when kirby comes to my mind

umh

that was long

this is probably gonna be the definitive edition to play this game for the next replays to come even though i will go back to the wii version from time to time and idle in my childhood yet again playing as the gluttonous pink sphere being from space

i just wish sakurai knew how much this series meant for me