MaximumThree37
195 Reviews liked by MaximumThree37
he is such a sigma
Castle Crashers
2008
This game made a girl I liked all through high school think that I was gay because my friends and I (who were 14) would refer to this game as Asshole Smashers.
We were obsessed with the game and for the longest time we would refer to hanging out after school as "going to go smash assholes" or "gonna go smash" or " have a gay orgy". The Smashing Assholes activity stuck for the entirety of high school; along with 4 years worth of terrible asshole smashing jokes -- that to a completely normal girl who wasn't in on the joke the whole time, might be convinced we were just openly gay and announcing sexual activities from the energy we were bringing to every conversation that involved hanging out and playing video games.
We refused to talk about video games at school without coded language because we went to a Catholic school and our form of rebellion was being as homosexual as possible. The fun part is like five years out of high school, one of my friends from that group announced they WERE gay, which is probably why he used Pink Knight so much. Hell yeah.
Anyway this is Behemoth's best game. You can tell they are not in the biz entirely for money because they could have made like 5 of these and they would have done well.
I wish they would make another. The couch/online co-op game is weak right now.
We were obsessed with the game and for the longest time we would refer to hanging out after school as "going to go smash assholes" or "gonna go smash" or " have a gay orgy". The Smashing Assholes activity stuck for the entirety of high school; along with 4 years worth of terrible asshole smashing jokes -- that to a completely normal girl who wasn't in on the joke the whole time, might be convinced we were just openly gay and announcing sexual activities from the energy we were bringing to every conversation that involved hanging out and playing video games.
We refused to talk about video games at school without coded language because we went to a Catholic school and our form of rebellion was being as homosexual as possible. The fun part is like five years out of high school, one of my friends from that group announced they WERE gay, which is probably why he used Pink Knight so much. Hell yeah.
Anyway this is Behemoth's best game. You can tell they are not in the biz entirely for money because they could have made like 5 of these and they would have done well.
I wish they would make another. The couch/online co-op game is weak right now.
Name is Van, drives a truck
This game was so sick until they cucked kevin from showing up (again) fuck you kondo
That's what the mask is
That's what the point of the mask is
That's what the point of the mask is
Half-Life
1998
Obviously lives in the shadow of the highly impactful sequel that's a true masterpiece of the medium, Hunt Down The Freeman, but still a really good game on its own merits
Silent Hill 2
2001
This review contains spoilers
Definitely one of the best games released in 2001 where an important plot point is the death of a character named Maria
Dynasty Warriors 3
2001
Going to be transparent and say this rating is unfair but I just can’t play musou games because they remind me of the hardest part of my day to day life: the knowledge that everyone is an idiot except for me
Game for people who tweet “Animation isn’t just for kids” with images of the four most recent children’s movies attached
FightCade
2015
Hey guys! I just logged Fightcade as completed 5 s- SHUT UP! This is a PLATFORM. Not a VIDEO GAME. Stop acting like you play video games by logging shit like this. Nobody cares if you played Chrome Dino and Smash Bros. Fighter Pass 3. Go play some real shit like Modern Warfare then come talk to me.
Ghostrunner II
2023
If the first game was Yaoi, this game would be Yuri.
It's fine, but it ain't no Yaoi.
It's fine, but it ain't no Yaoi.
Racing Lagoon
1999
This review contains spoilers
One day we will reach a world beyond speed
I cannot tell you how funny I found the protagonists secret past is he's just a steel pipe murderer and that becomes a huge part of his personality
I cannot tell you how funny I found the protagonists secret past is he's just a steel pipe murderer and that becomes a huge part of his personality
Interactions in this game usually go like this:
Voice from off screen: “Hey Van, you called?” (Camera pans to reveal Blorpko Shitface, VA: John Voiceactor, returning from Trails Up Your Butt. You haven’t seen him in over 500 hours of gameplay.)
Van: Ah, Blorpko the Cum Drinker, good to see you.
Agnés: (Wait, the cum drinker? I’ve seen him in magazines before, didn’t he help out in the Bay of Poms incident?)
Blorpko: This is paying you back for helping me during Trails of Cold Steel 4, which I was notably absent from.
Voice from off screen: “Hey Van, you called?” (Camera pans to reveal Blorpko Shitface, VA: John Voiceactor, returning from Trails Up Your Butt. You haven’t seen him in over 500 hours of gameplay.)
Van: Ah, Blorpko the Cum Drinker, good to see you.
Agnés: (Wait, the cum drinker? I’ve seen him in magazines before, didn’t he help out in the Bay of Poms incident?)
Blorpko: This is paying you back for helping me during Trails of Cold Steel 4, which I was notably absent from.
F.E.A.R. 3
2011
This is one of those games that makes a game reviewer do that bit where they say "not this one, anything but this" and their evil doppelganger ties them to a chair and makes them play it while the
doppelganger fucks their wife or something
doppelganger fucks their wife or something
Tomodachi Life
2013
Even in here i get cockblocked wtf