"Find out who you really are" says the slogan on the game box (member those?), and whoever wrote the description over at MyAbandonware is evidently a coping expert with less than stellar management and parenting skills. Given that this was one of the most overhyped PC games back in the day and is still thoroughly unique and technologically impressive, it naturally has less reviews here in this den of histrionic hipsters than your average pokemon romhack. Sadly these days it's only available to folX willing to go through the arduous endeavor of downloading it online and installing a fan patch that makes it work spotlessly on Microsoft's freshest spyware (because who has time to set up a VM these days). My condolences to all my fellow kids who'd love to pay 29,99 for a Naught Dive published hackjob on their favorite DRM platform, so that they could then do a scathing write-up about how dumb and bad the tamagotchi's AI is in this "gimmicky" game after babying/neglecting it to act like a helpless moron (you are what you nurture boys and gUrls).

Get ready to dunk on Duplo 4 and other games with stable framerates or functional multiplayer in global chat alongside your fellow trailblazing trendsetters slavishly following youtube guides coming up with fun novel builds in this hot new "indie" hack & slash ARPG by hardcore gamers for hardcore gamers (hence why the hotbar limits you to 5 skills), that incidentally spent half a decade in early access with barely any substantial updates during the last couple of years leading up to its recent "1.0 release", which definitely now qualifies it as a robust and most of all complete game. That's why the campaign is still unfinished and you're getting to beta test two new subclasses along with other minor little things like an auction house, while yet more overdue fixes/reworks of old busted stuff littering the game are still underway, allegedly. If that wasn't good enough, it was made in Unity (of course) by incompetents to boot to ensure it runs as poorly as one would hope and so that moving your character has you weightlessly slide across the terrain just like in all your favorite survival crafting games or b**mer shooters, on top of the presentation in many ways being worse than even Path of Exile circa a decade ago. But don't you dare bring any of that up regarding a game with a CGI pre-release trailer and premium currency microtransactions or else you'll be getting plenty of downvotes from folks who for instance think boss attacks being inaudible is perfectly acceptable, or the equivalent of a skill like frozen orb looking and sounding many times worse than its originator from 24 years ago is a-okay. Because ackshually As We All Know it's a lower budget title by an incompetent "independent" studio and that's why they couldn't afford to for example implement animations for your character blocking attacks with a shield, unlike say a game called Diablo released back in 1996.

The time travel premise in this Chronicon successor amounts to a convenient excuse to recycle level geometry and an occasional opportunity to kill dinosaurs, with one dungeon featuring everyone's favorite ephemeral gimmick from Titanfall 2/Dishonored Too, which about sums up how inspired the whole thing is outside of the mechanical back-end and the few trademark Good Ideas there. Can I name any of the characters or even quote a single line of dialogue from the stellar storyline comparable in quality to Hellgate London's you ask? Well of course, my favorite was "ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄCK!!!!" - Spymaster Zerrick. All in all, if you're a fan of clipping your sword through enemies and hearing the same anemic splatter SFX over&over while littering the screen with increasingly larger damage numbers, then this should suffice as a good enough opioid to help distract you until Path of Exile 2 is available to play for the modest price of a 250 eurodollar supporter pack complementary with your closed beta key.

PS: the volume slider for the muzak says "absolute bangers for ye gamers", and that's why even at max it's borderline inaudible ingame and the OST itself is comprised of "relaxing 432hz tunes to fall asleep to" or epic™ tracks with women going OOO and AAA, really gets you PumPd up and ready2slay

there are two kinds of diablo 2 Enjoyers. folx who make a blizz sorc each ladder reset and rush through the entire thing to partake in the exciting activity of opening chests in LK or running Mephisto over&over so that they can finally get that epic green dunce cap that gives +2 to all skills (none of which are applicable IRL, sadly), all while proclaiming this is one of the bestest games ever. and then there are epic dudes (like me!) who play the likes of chargedin or berserker on HC and don't defile their baller plate armor with TAL & ETH, who know that the first game is better because Geglash has nothing on mah main man Farnham.

It's true, I am in possession of a limited edition Leah dakimakura I earnt by beating James Wilson III himself in a PvP duel at Blizzcon 2012 (I spent many hours doing Saldencal runs for em rank 7 alabaster runes that went on to ensure victory with my snake-to-the-face WD build I put together just for the occasion). I actually asked for a female monk one but, unsurprisingly, they were all out. Anyhow, I was meant to interview the big man after the fact, but it went a bit awry... I did my best to butter him up by praising his past work on Blood and Dawn of War (as one ought to) and initially only asked softball stuff like "why did you leave designing itemization dead last on your list of priorities and then drew inspiration from Borderlands when push came to shove" or "why did you simplify or outright prune every system you'd been hyping up for years and opt to turn this sequel to the titular seminal ARPG into Gauntlet with Call of Duty loadouts during the final year of development", all of which he understandably blamed Rob Pardo and the WoW team for. But whenever I tried to ask him something hard-hitting, e.g. why did they cut the Ormus cameo he'd mentioned that one time, or why did they make heaven look like Aiur, he'd interrupt me by loudly spurting out "ARROGANT NEPHALEM", back to back repeatedly, many many times. I thought he was being ceaseless, and then he doubled it!! Eventually Travis Day and Wyatt Cheng were ushered into the room, both of them menacingly wielding replicas of Echoing Fury that one could buy for 7000 bucks at the gift shop... I can't go into further detail than that, all I can divulge is that thanks to a pair of rare boots with str/vit/allres/mvspd/mf I sold on the RMAH for two-fifty I could afford to cover some of the damages.

Here's that nice Matt Uelmen muzak and crunchy combat SFX you wanted my dear Diablo enjoyers, that is all you wanted, right??? We creative geniuses behind Hellgate London made sure that Act 1 is grassy foothills, Act 2 is desert, Act 3 is swampy shithole (hope u liek voodoo fetish enemies) and Act 4 is lava hellhole (where you in a turn of genius fight the playerchar from Torchlight 1 turned evil) to ensure that this is teh ultimate ARPG. Nevermind how the itemization and class/skill balance is worse than Diablo 3 at launch, you can mod it and play this through hamachi with the boYs!!!!!!!