the most "2000s cartoon network" videogame ever made (probably). i cannot imagine this game being made today, it has such billy & mandy type of humor and when the conspiracy hits is just like, KND movie levels of nonsense and paranoia (zombies that are actually old people (everyone is afraid of old people, i guess?)). just real clever writing, with good timing for comedy while showing a lot of different mental illness and traumas with a bit of dark humor here and there, but never losing sensibility (not the same you would see in today's games like celeste, but still!! (and to be honest, this approach feels better for my tastes)). the main character, raz, is very well developed and his character arc is concluded in the most unexpected way. love the whole contextualization of "videogame things" into mind-things, i.e, your health bar being "mental health" and your power being medium powers (im surprised i've not seen a joke about bending spoons) and stuff you see in cold war media (btw, is this game happening in the 60s? 70s?). the gameplay being janky as it is and some levels being a little frustrating just helps with the comfy-yet-menacing vibes and the whole mean comedy it has. some of the levels are, by the way, one of the best i've ever seen in a videogame -- milkman's conspiracy is just such an engaging story and meat circus is at bowser's castle from super mario 64 level of "utilizing everything you've learned from the game" (while being a scout mission, too!). really like how the camp is a whole place and not a mini HUB -- love when games with levels have a way of locomotion between them, makes the world feels more real and is crazy the amount of, cough, "lore" it has -- hidden stories about the other kids in the camp or bizarre things that you may encounter soon but, until there, is just legend. the kids, by the way, really act like 10~13 years old kids: they are starting to fell in love with each other, talking about "making out" but still have both meanness and innocence a kid has -- you can see this in raz own character, like how he reacts to some of the adults problems while you can totally relate to them, but is still gentle and helps in the way he can.

is just. a really good game.

PROS:
- case quality-wise, easily the best in the series alongside AAI2. case 2 in particular has to be my favourite filler case in the series
- everything good about dgs1 is also good here (the cast, the presentation, just the overall feel of 19th century Ace Attorney)
- fully delivers on the amazing set-up of dgs1, making this duology the peak of the series, and very accessible for people who have never played ace attorney before (while also offering a lot of twists and subversions on the usual formula for those who have!)
- contender for funniest game in the series, every sholmes deduction section had me dying, and van zieks' reactions to the shit you pull out of your ass are still gold. even the throwaway witnesses are all great here. 90% of my playtime was spent smiling
- the port and localisation quality is very good. though there's a couple mods i recommend playing with (one allowing animations to be 60fps, another improving music quality)

CONS:
- much like dgs1, DO NOT GO IN ON AN EMPTY STOMACH. i made this mistake and ended up dining with my husbando, gregson, unexpectedly. so the price of this game may be deceptive.
- goes hard on the asset reuse. which is fine since it does it well, but it also makes it the only ace attorney game that heavily reuses the soundtrack of another. which is also fine because DGS has one of the best OSTs in the series. but damn it i want more. (EDIT: actually upon checking, this game had like 2 hours of new music which is more than i remembered. still wouldve liked a different cross examination theme or something tho)
- pacing not the smoothest. i think Scarlet Study (the fan TL people) said that these were meant to be 3 games, but budget issues and lack of popularity meant we only got 2. dont remember what their basis for this was but it does kinda feel like there should've been more.
- upon finishing this, you will immediately begin to despair at the thought of ryunosuke, sustato, sholmes, van zieks and the rest of the cast never appearing in an ace attorney game again.

FINAL VERDICT:
Guilty... of being a sick ass game and miniseries that everyone should play. i still cant believe i actually finally got to play this and it didn't let me down at all

We are all capable arbiters of our own destruction. In the face of trauma, loss, anxieties of the world we chase specters, seeking solace in vacuums where nothing can touch us. But the metaphorical monsters follow, twisted by our own attempts to forget and leaving them in fragments that we are forced to piece together again for any attempt to heal to succeed.

This destruction permeates, festering and swelling until it is our own purgatorial hell. Returnal is Silent Hill 2, it's also Housemarque's past properties, it's also Arrival. It's a weaving gripping story as much as it is a compounding stressful game to play. They're intertwined, for every artifact that saves us is the same one that shoots us down. To gain is to lose, and to lose is to gain. And in that mind-numbing dance we hope that eventually we'll find answers and ASCEND.

But we don't, we return. The choice to journey alone against the dark within is a futile one. We may eventually piece things back together yes, but an outside hand was needed at some point or else the result is the same, the crash repeats. Cyclically. You can help future versions, but those same notes will hurt you too. You are not perfect at envisioning how you will respond to yourself later as much as you can now.

But is that really true? Are we really incapable of breaking the cycle? Perhaps there is a way. Once we've come to terms with our traumas, pieced together things, maybe now the grieving can begin. And then trial after trial, we can come to accept our fractured home and our multitudes, trace them to where they began, and then move on.

There's more to it than I can effectively take away and regurgitate here. Our souls are simply denser than that. Selene's journey is complicated and painful, and crossing every cycle is punishing and difficult. You can choose to remain strong, but the twist is that there's no real destination for you here. This is her story to let go and you can ride it as long as you like.

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I can wax prose like this, but there's simply no way I can do that and comprehensively talk about everything I love here. So this is now when we zoom out, lol. I hope you enjoyed that. As much as Returnal deserves something that considers it in all its interwoven nature, I would like to spend time on just how much it gets right.

Housemarque really just outdid themselves here, something I would've never expected were I following them before this game came out. The sense of scale to where this third person shooter roguelite seamlessly works with its narrative and ethereal elements is incredible!! I enjoyed every boss, each of them forced me to sit still for a moment and understand what I needed to work on and use as soon as possible. Biggest shout out to the fourth boss that really shat on me and said "dashes are not a spammable escape tool. They can be smokescreen to slaughter equally as much as assisting." In other words, sometimes it's better to just WALK. The bullet patterns match this, each of them require different ways of moving, jumping, traversing. The harder and optional minibosses near the end especially emphasize the limits of your toolset. At a lot of points there was a re-evaluation of what my main strategy to traversing the area is. This led to a lot of heart-pounding scrambly moments, and when the roguelite elements showed their ugly face on top of me that only beat me down further. You have to be prepared for the worst case scenario at all times, but you can't afford to stay strictly safe either if you want to grasp victory!!

Also god the aesthetic is so great, I love how Returnal is visually and it never compromises clarity. There are times in Resogun and Nex Machina where I couldn't 'really' see things and felt like I was hit cheaply. Of course it was likely my own fault, but the idea is that the clarity isn't exactly perfect as much as I'm having to adjust my vision for particulars. Returnal sidesteps that completely, just perfect layering. Really doesn't go stupid for the sake of next-gen, and as low a bar that is it gives me a smile! Music is incredible too, and if there's one issue I have it's that the official soundtrack doesn't have all of the music and that makes me angry >:(

I had such a good time here. Not a ps5-seller mind you, there'll never be justification for spending $500+ for one game and that in of itself stops me from shoving this game down people's throats. Fucked up. Even still, I can't stop thinking about this game. I had to finish it today and even still I don't feel like i'm done! I will be returning! If by any chance you can touch this experience please do, I implore you. And to a good rest of the year I pray as well!

Can’t believe Dunkey really tricked nine million gamers into thinking The Last Guardian was this broken dumpster fire devoid of any fun or joy. Shaking my head. The gaming community really let me down with this one, maybe some other content creator a decade later will realize it was actually good when it’ll be +120$ on retro game store shelves.

Okay, being more rational here, I’ve always found the mixed reception of The Last Guardian to be rather puzzling. You’d think the third game from industry legend Fumito Ueda, the man behind ICO and Shadow of the Colossus, arguably two of the most influential PS2 games ever, would come out with more enthusiasm behind it after its infamously long nine-year development time, spanning a whole console generation. But quite literally the opposite happened. The game was so divisive on its release by critics and audiences it’s no surprise nobody wanted to be the guinea pig that invested their time and money into it. Many of its detractors claimed this was because Trico, the big animal companion and the main mechanic of the game, was unresponsive and unreliable too frequently, giving the player more lack of control than necessary and making playing the game more frustrating than it needed to be. Which I’ve always found that odd because I feel lack of control has always been a major theme in Ueda’s games?

In ICO, you play as a little boy trying to escape a big castle with a girl named Yorda who doesn’t speak the same language and can’t make the same jumps or climbs as you, yet is relied upon to open certain doors to progress your escape. You cannot progress without Yorda, you have to work around her limitations to solve puzzles and protect her from the occasional fight with these shadowy figures. If you go too many rooms too far away from her, you risk her getting captured which kills you. So you have to escort her a lot of the time by hand or yell for her to get her to come to you, which her AI has never really been the best to be honest? It was to the point where Team Ico moved development of the game from the PS1 to the PS2 so they can have more processing power to get her to work and it can still be a bit bumbly and finicky at times. In Shadow of the Colossus, you were this warrior who wandered into a forbidden land to make a deal with a deity to resurrect a girl named Mono from the dead by riding to and killing 16 Colossi, these impossibly towering creatures made of stone and fur. You had to climb on these things and find their weak spots to stab as you wrestle with the overwhelming forces of gravity of these massive creatures trying to shake you off, which oftentimes means you have to hang on for dear life for what seems minutes on end before you can keep climbing as you watch your stamina bar get lower and lower, creating more dread of falling off and having to get back on again. It’s not as if oppression by removing control from the player has never been in Ueda’s previous work before, and these are often aspects I’ve seen praised in these two games, myself included. However, I think these are often overlooked when talking about The Last Guardian because there’s always a sense that you have more kinds of control over your own actions in those games at the end of the day. That you are the one who can hold Yorda’s hand and take her where she needs to be most of the time, that you are the one who made the decision to climb upwards on the Colossi at the most inopportune time. Ueda’s games have always had this near-perfect balance of making the grand scenario more and more learnable while still grounding the player in the reality they’re really in.

This is why I feel The Last Guardian was a harder sell for many people. While I argue the journey itself is more tonally lighthearted than his previous work, The Last Guardian is by far Ueda’s most oppressive feeling game. The boy is not The Wanderer, he’s not even Ico, he’s just about as small and frail as Yorda and can only make the smallest of jumps, hang on the tiniest of ledges, and can push only certain objects around in terrain that scales from tower to tower in a journey that asks you to go higher and higher up the clouds. You more than ever have to rely on your partner Trico, this massive impossible mix of a cat and a bird probably the size of a small house. Only she can make you reach heights you otherwise can’t and make those impossible jumps from tower to tower. Trico is probably the most convincing animal in a video game I’ve ever played, but to some, that’s a burden they can’t deal with. Trico will get hungry so you have to look for barrels sometimes to feed her, Trico will get flustered when she attacks these strange inanimate stone guards so you have to pet her to calm her down, Trico gets scared of these glass windows with eye-shaped designs on them so you have to find a way to destroy them even if you have to do some insane parkour to get to them, Trico will sometimes just flat out ignore your yelling commands by design taking longer to do what the player may see as the simplest of jumps. While Trico is the most relied-on partner character ever in an Ueda game, the boy still has to escort and command this man-eating beast from place to place to solve puzzles or to platform around large jumps. In other words, it’s ICO again, but this time the roles are reversed.

Of course the pitch of “you move an animal around that will act like an animal” was only going to appeal to the most committed to its premise, and it being Ueda’s longest game meant more people were going to fall off of it before they got a chance to see its conclusion. But I feel that aspect also overshadowed discussion of other issues the game has to be honest. You can practically feel its nine years of ambitious development time when the game starts to barely contain its targeted 30fps threshold. The environmental flourishes and details around Ueda’s legendarily creative architecture are jaw-droppingly gorgeous, and as you get higher and higher up the clouds you see more and more of what you maneuvered around down below, but sometimes I feel this hyper fixation on its details mixed with its advanced lighting system can obfuscate puzzle information more often than it needed to, and I feel Team Ico knew this, which is why the game relies on its tip systems too much. There are not only button prompts that appear frequently on the top right of the screen to give clues on what you can interact with, but narration from the boy's perspective will appear similar to Shadow of the Colossus if the game detects the player being on a puzzle for too long. It’s kind of a shame that Ueda’s games still feature these immersion-breaking UI elements present and criticized in Shadow of the Colossus for years with no real way of turning them off, but I feel the game would’ve only been more frustrating on a first time playthrough if they weren’t there. Then there are the occasional physics engine issues that the game will stumble upon, while I found the physics complied with me more than most Havok engine games do to be honest, I did have a moment in my playthrough where when Trico jumped the boy was suddenly teleported upwards which made me fall towards my impending doom, so it’s by no means perfect even if I had a better time with it. The camera is by far my biggest issue with the game. It’s this fickle mistress that only focuses on what it wants to. Sometimes it’ll autofocus on Trico, or the ledge you need to jump on, and sometimes you have to adjust it yourself. Sometimes the camera will get stuck in tight environments with you and Trico which will reset itself with this awkward cut to black which can repeat over and over again rather than just clipping out of bounds to give the player a better view from behind similar to God Hand. The Last Guardian's technical ambitions from its AI to its environments can be seen from a distance as impressive, but its lack of gracefullness at times can also be seen as its downfall, and it’s no wonder why the game had the hardest time sticking with players the most.

It… might be my favorite Ueda game?

It might be too early to tell as I’m writing this, but it just feels right to say. This game just did it all for me. While ICO and Shadow of the Colossus are up there as some of my personal favorite games, I feel The Last Guardian is the most successful in what it sets out to do: to bond the player with its partner character. I never really particularly cared for Yorda or Mono or even Agro as much as I wish I could despite those characters being the central emotional core of the story. While I appreciate the former for its wordless communication between Yorda and Ico along their journey, I can understand the criticisms against the latter. It’s hard to place the corpse of a woman you’ve never interacted with in front of the player and expect them to care, which is why I feel players connected with Agro the horse a lot more since it’s someone you used to venture around the place even if all you did was ride on it and commanded where to go. Trico is that but taken a step further. Yes, Trico acts like a big dumb animal, but somehow managing to get her around these dark tight corridors with traps or these sky-bound vistas feels like accomplishing little miracles one at a time. The game features Ueda’s most creative puzzle design yet, asking the player to constantly think with Trico in mind, and it’s where the rooms where you are alone without Trico are the most pulse-pounding anxiety-inducing. Without that protection from Trico, you are more in danger from other threats like the stone guards or extreme heights you can’t fall on Trico as a failsafe. About halfway through I looked at Trico less like an obstacle and started to look at Trico as the guardian she really is. And you know what I think?

It’s rad as hell! And it’s fun! Seriously! Every time you get Trico to do her earth-shattering cat pounce from one stone pillar to the next it feels like this major accomplishment that the two of you managed to pull off. Every moment you have to climb around Trico when she sees an eye-shaped glass window hung by a stone tower and then get there by doing some mind-bending platforming as you look down at the stomach-churning distance between you and the ground (no seriously, jesus christ lol) and having to jump all the way down on her back is so immensely intense but pulling it off to progress just works. Every time Trico saves you from an army of mysterious stone guards is the ultimate “sick ‘em fido” of video games, yet the game always reminds you to comfort Trico after with a few pets, and maybe pull out a few spears thrown at her body. It’s this dedication the game has with these moment-to-moment connections between you and Trico as you two help each other out closer and closer to the end that makes the later moments where she starts to break design conventions all the more convincing and powerful. The Last Guardian to me is a game of little accomplishments up to the grand finale.

The Last Guardian is not a perfect game, and it’s hardly one I can see the casual player really sticking with very long. Even I had moments where I wished Trico would comply with me more and wished the game’s framerate didn’t give me a headache, but the last three hours of this game to me are borderline perfect, climaxing to Ueda’s strongest story beats yet, somehow managing to top himself with his best ending yet (a man already known for crafting the best endings ever). All the coincidental frustration I had with The Last Guardian seemed fleeting and diminutive. By the end of it, I was more frustrated at being reminded of its dismissive reputation that caused me to hold it off this long. The Last Guardian should be a testament to Team Ico’s mastery of storytelling through game design, rather than be left in the shadows of its predecessor's legacies, but even if it stays within those shadows of obscurity forever, I’m happy to have stuck with the journey through The Nest, atop Trico’s feathery back.

The Last Guardian is a game of accomplishments, and much like ICO and Shadow of the Colossus, stands just as tall as those games do, as the achievement it undoubtedly is.

The colossus before you stands tall, eclipsing the sun and shaking the earth with it's very presence. The grip on your sword tightens, the ancient relic of legend feeling near-worthless before the sight in front of you. But even in the face of such a mighty opponent, you will not be dissuaded so easily. No beast is too mighty for you. So you will climb, and you will fell the mighty behemoth, because you have no choice. If you turn tail now, then what was the point in taking the first step?

Shadow of the Colossus is a game about the sacrifices we make for those we love. Our protagonist, the Wanderer, has arrived at the edge of the world, a barren and desolate land decorated with the ruins of a society long past; tasked with the slaughter of 16 Colossi in order to resurrect his dead lover. The colossi in question are majestic in their appearance and scope, veritable Goliaths in contrast to our David, the Wanderer. They move and act with the grace and unseemliness their ancient appearance affords them: slowly and with much difficulty, treating you more like an annoyance than a proper threat. As you figure out how to scale and critically strike these lumbering giants, the articulate animations and camera work come together to properly sell the sense of scale such large creatures should possess. You truly feel insignificant in their presence and your battles against them are akin to ant trying to topple a elephant.

With each colossus felled, the Wanderer slowly but surely succumbs to whatever darkness the colossi contained. Yet, even as the Wanderer decays before our eyes and our resolve falters in the face of the Colossi, who are for the most part, docile beasts being ambushed and murdered for the sake of our objective, we will push on. We cannot question our path or our actions, because we've come too far to turn back. This bloodshed is for a good cause isn't it? We're doing it for love. We're doing it to give a second chance to someone who deserves it. The corpses that we leave in our wake is all for a good cause. It will all be worth it in the end.

...Won't it?

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