VastleCania
Played through the single player campaigns and they are very good, very punchy. Destruction comes swiftly at all times, and the push and pull of attacking and defending is really compelling.
Every unit has a well-defined purpose and a role on the battlefield...except for spies. I mean, I guess it's well-defined but they're not very useful in my experience.
Generally, I favor the Soviet campaign, not only because the ending actually seems to be like "Yay everyone loves communism," but also that the missions are a lot less scrappy. Allied missions tend to have multiple objectives and quite frequently start with doing some sort of infantry-only surprise attack.
The Soviet campaign, by contrast, generally focuses on kicking the shit out of everyone with tanks. It's much more satisfying to defend your base until you can just take one big swing out of it, steamrolling everything in your path.
The cutscenes are still very hilarious. Again, I prefer the Soviet side (the silly accents are amazing and I think the actor who plays Zofia gives a genuinely good performance). And of course Udo Kier is fantastic. The Allied ones are alright, but a little more straightforward. And I cannot get over how bad Eve is at typing, holy shit.
I love how american this game is. It actually takes a couple of pot shots at the silliness of american capitalism in a Soviet mission where a propaganda truck is driving around saying things like "Free televisions for all!" and things of that nature. But playing as the allies is very Ra Ra America, and I think it's just on the nose enough to read as a little bit of parody. It's cute.
Overall, this game has aged incredibly well. I would love a remaster just to see the graphics at a higher resolution; the CnC remaster really proved that was possible to do well. I think this game is worth playing even for folks who have never played it before.
Every unit has a well-defined purpose and a role on the battlefield...except for spies. I mean, I guess it's well-defined but they're not very useful in my experience.
Generally, I favor the Soviet campaign, not only because the ending actually seems to be like "Yay everyone loves communism," but also that the missions are a lot less scrappy. Allied missions tend to have multiple objectives and quite frequently start with doing some sort of infantry-only surprise attack.
The Soviet campaign, by contrast, generally focuses on kicking the shit out of everyone with tanks. It's much more satisfying to defend your base until you can just take one big swing out of it, steamrolling everything in your path.
The cutscenes are still very hilarious. Again, I prefer the Soviet side (the silly accents are amazing and I think the actor who plays Zofia gives a genuinely good performance). And of course Udo Kier is fantastic. The Allied ones are alright, but a little more straightforward. And I cannot get over how bad Eve is at typing, holy shit.
I love how american this game is. It actually takes a couple of pot shots at the silliness of american capitalism in a Soviet mission where a propaganda truck is driving around saying things like "Free televisions for all!" and things of that nature. But playing as the allies is very Ra Ra America, and I think it's just on the nose enough to read as a little bit of parody. It's cute.
Overall, this game has aged incredibly well. I would love a remaster just to see the graphics at a higher resolution; the CnC remaster really proved that was possible to do well. I think this game is worth playing even for folks who have never played it before.
Gunvolt was good in a quirky, flawed way. Gunvolt 2 dials up everything I didn't like about the first to even higher levels.
The thing that killed this for me is the dialog that happens constantly during levels and boss fights. I can neither understand the dialog, because I'm fighting a boss, nor fight the boss properly, because i'm trying to understand the dialog.
Also it's just the worst kind of anime nonsense. Unrelatable, irritating characters that fit into incredibly boring tropes. Why do I care about any of them?
The new character is okay but I didn't like playing him.
Like...it's fine but it lost its grip on me almost immediately.
The thing that killed this for me is the dialog that happens constantly during levels and boss fights. I can neither understand the dialog, because I'm fighting a boss, nor fight the boss properly, because i'm trying to understand the dialog.
Also it's just the worst kind of anime nonsense. Unrelatable, irritating characters that fit into incredibly boring tropes. Why do I care about any of them?
The new character is okay but I didn't like playing him.
Like...it's fine but it lost its grip on me almost immediately.
I'm not sure what this game thinks it is, but if I was 12 this would have blown my mind. As it stands, I am 30 or 40 years old and I don't have time for this. Somehow both confusing and boring, feels like absolute dogshit to control, the attempts at humor are mostly way off, and it's a little racist to boot.
It functions and I had a good time showing it to people for about an hour, but that's the best I can say about it.
Do not recommend.
It functions and I had a good time showing it to people for about an hour, but that's the best I can say about it.
Do not recommend.
2022
Better than rampage, funnier satire than GTA, does not outstay its welcome at all.
The writing is a cry for help, and i respect it. Just a scream of "Why are humans like this??? why can't we do better???" with no answers in sight. The actual prose is juvenile in a good way; reminds me of Shakedown Hawaii.
The play in the campaign is brilliant. Rampage has always suffered from repetitiveness, since there are only so many ways to make "Destroy some buildings" into a fun premise. Hemasaurus adds multiple subgoals, subversions, gimmicks, and twists throughout its short campaign so that it never gets boring.
The physics also make this incredibly satisfying. Taking a specific chunk out of a building so that it will topple onto another building is always amazing feeling. Constant dopamine rush. Almost exhaustingly so.
My only wish is that the endless mode also had goals and gimmicks. Unfortunately it is too straightforward and easy, meaning that just like Rampage i end up dying from inattention rather than anything interesting. Still, the campaign is clearly the heart of this game, so i only subtracted a half star from this otherwise goofy masterpiece.
The writing is a cry for help, and i respect it. Just a scream of "Why are humans like this??? why can't we do better???" with no answers in sight. The actual prose is juvenile in a good way; reminds me of Shakedown Hawaii.
The play in the campaign is brilliant. Rampage has always suffered from repetitiveness, since there are only so many ways to make "Destroy some buildings" into a fun premise. Hemasaurus adds multiple subgoals, subversions, gimmicks, and twists throughout its short campaign so that it never gets boring.
The physics also make this incredibly satisfying. Taking a specific chunk out of a building so that it will topple onto another building is always amazing feeling. Constant dopamine rush. Almost exhaustingly so.
My only wish is that the endless mode also had goals and gimmicks. Unfortunately it is too straightforward and easy, meaning that just like Rampage i end up dying from inattention rather than anything interesting. Still, the campaign is clearly the heart of this game, so i only subtracted a half star from this otherwise goofy masterpiece.
2023
Game of the year so far. Maybe the first precision 3D platformer that i think actually works as intended. Absolutely absurd movement tech. I was often unsure if i was going the "intended" route or sequence breaking simply because the moves i was doing were so complex and obscure. "This can't possibly be the intended solution!"
The wall run doesn't always work, and combat is perfunctory to the point that i almost wish it wasn't in the game. Otherwise, a masterwork.
The wall run doesn't always work, and combat is perfunctory to the point that i almost wish it wasn't in the game. Otherwise, a masterwork.
2014
incredibly boring. competent. no hooks at all.
i just didn't like it that much. im tired of roguelites, maybe?
maybe the best ways to experience this game if you've beaten it like five times before, like me. not perfectly balanced But very much imbalanced in favor of the player which i appreciate. a really remarkable hack.
2023
I like the concept but it's a bit tedious to actually play. Grid-based FPS is a pretty cool idea though.
Overall though it feels a bit like a chore. Probably worth the few dollars it asks for, and an hour of your time though.
Overall though it feels a bit like a chore. Probably worth the few dollars it asks for, and an hour of your time though.
2018
Competent but annoying. The art style doesn't do it for me, and the character animations are often quite stiff (unless they're incredible, lotta whiplash). Playing the game feels really unusual, something about it is off but I'm not enough of a Smash-head to tell you exactly what. The dialogue in the main quest is deeply irritating (again, unless it's actually quite funny). The whole thing is just really uneven.
I did not play it multiplayer though, and perhaps that's where the real fun is. Probably.
I did not play it multiplayer though, and perhaps that's where the real fun is. Probably.
2023
Compelling! Takes the fundamental, stripped down Crimsonland formula, adds a twist of getting to choose your own enemies, and reduces the action down to very simple stuff. Plays sort of like an idle game that will kill you?
i really like that it ends after 10 days though, and the amount of content int his game is extremely generous, especially for the cost. Not mind blowing but like I said...compelling.
i really like that it ends after 10 days though, and the amount of content int his game is extremely generous, especially for the cost. Not mind blowing but like I said...compelling.
2022
I died almost immediately with no real tutorial on what was going on, then the game softlocked because I died while I was in a menu. Now every time I launch the game, it crashes. So happy that I got this in a bundle and didn't pay for it on its own.
2023
This game is a 4 stars if you stop playing after rescuing Olimar and doing his section. It's a solid 3.5 if you stop playing after rescuing Louie. I suspect that it's a 2.5 if you really try to go for Platinums on everything, which I did not do. I did everything except for that.
Mechanically, this game stretches the Pikmin formula to the absolute breaking point, which explains why they're so generous with helpful tools. The game would be almost unplayable without Oatchi and the ability to quickly rewind at a certain point.
The biggest criticism I've had about Pikmin after the first one is that there's no pressure to complete the game quickly. Without that pressure, this essentially becomes a "cleaning your room" simulator. Except whenever you go to pick up that dirty pair of underwear, a small dog gently bites you on the wrist for no reason, which starts out kinda cute and ends up being extremely irritating after 40+ hours.
Later levels in this require a degree of precision that the game does not provide. The lock-on system is incredibly helpful for the first half (while unfortunately removing the tension of missed throws) but ends up being a hindrance for many of the tougher challenges. It feels really really bad when all I want to do is target one enemy, but my reticle is stuck on a different one and there's no quick way to switch. It's like gears grinding in my skull.
They must have known it was bad because one of the hardest challenges in the game is killing 99 enemies in 2 minutes, and its mostly difficult because of the targeting. With the old system of a free-range cursor, it would have been almost trivial.
The late game swings wildly from "untenably difficult" to "trivial and boring." This is why I think that the game has really stretched the limits of what Pikmin could possibly be — it's hitting every note, including really weird and irritating ones.
The best mechanical part of the game is the night challenges, which end up being much closer to the game's Real Time Strategy roots than the rest of it. The later challenges require tactically switching between two commanders at just the right time to either defend or proactively attack, and it's magnificent. They never rise to an incredible level of difficulty, but they certainly aren't easy either. I would play a whole game like this.
Atmosphere-wise, this game will not shut the fuck up for one second. There's no more than 3 minutes of down time between some dipshit telling me something I already know for the nineteenth time and it's incredible. It doesn't even feel like hand-holding; it feels like someone shouting into a bullhorn about how important having my hand held is without actually doing it. I never learned a single useful thing from the near constant interjections of my crewmates which happen in the middle of the god-damned screen all the fucking time.
This makes the game about as atmospheric as a Red Robin. Every time I feel like I would like to focus on the gorgeous atmosphere or bizarre enemies, some ding-dong interrupts to say "Getting the lay of the land is important. Use the survey drone to see where you need to go!", a thing I've been told at least fifteen times prior. Just constant interruptions by a crowd of people who I have absolutely no interest in.
Anyway, all this to say that the first Pikmin still remains the best one in my mind. Pikmin 4 certainly brought me more enjoyment than 2 (oh god that game is evil) and 3 lost my interest pretty quickly. It's not a terrible game by any means. But if Pikmin 1 is a garden (that wants to kill you), Pikmin 4 is a checklist (that wants to tell you about how to use pens to check things off of your list).
Mechanically, this game stretches the Pikmin formula to the absolute breaking point, which explains why they're so generous with helpful tools. The game would be almost unplayable without Oatchi and the ability to quickly rewind at a certain point.
The biggest criticism I've had about Pikmin after the first one is that there's no pressure to complete the game quickly. Without that pressure, this essentially becomes a "cleaning your room" simulator. Except whenever you go to pick up that dirty pair of underwear, a small dog gently bites you on the wrist for no reason, which starts out kinda cute and ends up being extremely irritating after 40+ hours.
Later levels in this require a degree of precision that the game does not provide. The lock-on system is incredibly helpful for the first half (while unfortunately removing the tension of missed throws) but ends up being a hindrance for many of the tougher challenges. It feels really really bad when all I want to do is target one enemy, but my reticle is stuck on a different one and there's no quick way to switch. It's like gears grinding in my skull.
They must have known it was bad because one of the hardest challenges in the game is killing 99 enemies in 2 minutes, and its mostly difficult because of the targeting. With the old system of a free-range cursor, it would have been almost trivial.
The late game swings wildly from "untenably difficult" to "trivial and boring." This is why I think that the game has really stretched the limits of what Pikmin could possibly be — it's hitting every note, including really weird and irritating ones.
The best mechanical part of the game is the night challenges, which end up being much closer to the game's Real Time Strategy roots than the rest of it. The later challenges require tactically switching between two commanders at just the right time to either defend or proactively attack, and it's magnificent. They never rise to an incredible level of difficulty, but they certainly aren't easy either. I would play a whole game like this.
Atmosphere-wise, this game will not shut the fuck up for one second. There's no more than 3 minutes of down time between some dipshit telling me something I already know for the nineteenth time and it's incredible. It doesn't even feel like hand-holding; it feels like someone shouting into a bullhorn about how important having my hand held is without actually doing it. I never learned a single useful thing from the near constant interjections of my crewmates which happen in the middle of the god-damned screen all the fucking time.
This makes the game about as atmospheric as a Red Robin. Every time I feel like I would like to focus on the gorgeous atmosphere or bizarre enemies, some ding-dong interrupts to say "Getting the lay of the land is important. Use the survey drone to see where you need to go!", a thing I've been told at least fifteen times prior. Just constant interruptions by a crowd of people who I have absolutely no interest in.
Anyway, all this to say that the first Pikmin still remains the best one in my mind. Pikmin 4 certainly brought me more enjoyment than 2 (oh god that game is evil) and 3 lost my interest pretty quickly. It's not a terrible game by any means. But if Pikmin 1 is a garden (that wants to kill you), Pikmin 4 is a checklist (that wants to tell you about how to use pens to check things off of your list).
2017
im done with tHis game, it makes me miserable and yet i keep playing. the highest bar is that it's as good as the people you are playing with, but it can be significantly worse regardless of how much you like your friends. a slot machine for gun toting babies
2021
Baffling on every level, but compelling. Incredibly memorable. It feels like Yuji Naka wanted to make some sort of universal game language, something that could unite all cultures and religions, and decided "Banjo Kazooie designed by an alien" was the way to go.
This game is the opposite of Yooka Laylee. YL weaponized nostalgia to move copies of a mediocre game. Balan Wonderworld weaponizes nostalgia like a tactical nuke. Every design hallmark that has been established by over 30 years of platforming was completely ignored in the design of this game in favor of something opposing, or usually just orthogonal. Every instinct I've developed for these kind of games was wrong in a jarring and surreal way. It feels like a dream that's verging on nightmare but never quite getting there.
I respect it, I even like it, but it's too weird to actually recommend to anyone. But at the right price (about ten bucks) I think anyone curious should absolutely try it. There's nothing else like it.
This game is the opposite of Yooka Laylee. YL weaponized nostalgia to move copies of a mediocre game. Balan Wonderworld weaponizes nostalgia like a tactical nuke. Every design hallmark that has been established by over 30 years of platforming was completely ignored in the design of this game in favor of something opposing, or usually just orthogonal. Every instinct I've developed for these kind of games was wrong in a jarring and surreal way. It feels like a dream that's verging on nightmare but never quite getting there.
I respect it, I even like it, but it's too weird to actually recommend to anyone. But at the right price (about ten bucks) I think anyone curious should absolutely try it. There's nothing else like it.