Captive in a dark cabin;
No death, no chance to escape
Until I turned the tables
On my sadistic captor I learned to hate.

Yet, that world crumbled away,
And I began to see truth.
Passion for playing the game -
T'was showmanship all along, and not abuse.

Surprised by how much I grew
to love this game, front to end,
narrative truly grabbed me,
as once loathed opponents transformed into friends.

Escape Academy is a mostly great time full of decent puzzles and an interesting, quirky story to tie it all together. The levels are well planned out with a range of challenging puzzles to work your way through, an eclectic cast of characters and a fun amount of humour throughout the whole game.

The only place where this game fell short for me and my wife was how stuttery the camera is when you look around. At first, it didn't bother us too much but after having done a few levels in a row, we found ourselves having to stop because, either our eyes were going funny, or we had headaches.

In moderation, this game is excellent. We haven't yet played the DLC but will definitely get it and play through it in the future, probably when it's on sale.

(9-year-old's review, typed by his dad)

(adopts old-sounding voice) My son recently began— Dad, type it.

My son recently began his wonderful journey into his nice, wonderful, bean-covered world, and also there's purple stuff underground, don't go in there. And in the sky, baby islands. Nonononono I said "they be islands".

(Drops fancy voice) And also there's this weird goat, who's name is ROAR-oo. And also there's a boat in the sky. You have to hop on rocks. Bye.

[Dad's Note: When he said "Rauru", he didn't say the word "ROAR", he roared as loud as he could, and then said "oooo".]

It feels weird to try and review one of my favorite games of all time - if Baldur’s Gate is the game of my childhood, the Souls games are certainly the games of my “modern” era - as there are so many feelings and thoughts and ideas just wrapped up and tangled on top of one another, like a giant ball of yarn that’s been growing for years. It becomes hard to unpack everything without turning either into rote descriptions of “I like X thing about game,” or spilling out saccharine word vomit and dumb shit like yarn ball metaphors and “modern gaming eras” escaping, when they should be locked up permanently. Regardless, I wanted to try and tackle the challenge of reviewing my favorites, or at least unpacking my experiences with them for myself, so here I am. I’m not going to go into some ontological or Derridean critique of Dark Souls. I think enough people have deconstructed this game for a lifetime. This is just my perspective on my experience with the game, all cliche and platitudes included.

For a long time, I didn’t really think I liked hard games. I grew up playing NES and all that, but I don’t really think that crossed my mind back then; I would gladly smash my head against something over and over without the thought of it being too hard. It was just the game. So when Dark Souls came out and all I ever heard about it was how hard it is and punishing and impossible, it was a definite no - I didn’t want a hard game, because, after all, I played games for fun. The games I enjoyed were all adventure and discovery, full of blasting enemies with magic, exploring fantastical worlds, and slicing my way through a story whether heroic or grim. None of these things were ever how Dark Souls was described to me, even by friends who loved the game, so I just ignored it and passed it off as something I would never play.

In late 2019, I saw a commercial for a game called Sekiro. I impulse bought it. I knew Sekiro was supposed to be a hard game, but it reminded me of the Tenchu games that I used to rent from Blockbuster as a kid and nostalgia won me over. It destroyed me, but I loved every second of it. I found out it was from the same people that made Dark Souls, and I finally decided that, what the hell, if I can beat Sekiro I can beat Dark Souls. So after a few months, I bought that too. Then I lost my job.

Compared to hours of LinkedIn and Indeed every day, I found that Dark Souls did not measure up in difficulty. It was my reprieve, and I devoured it. I huddled on my couch playing handheld on the Switch, well into the night almost every night. I could not put it down, and while, sure, I did find the game to be difficult, I approached it in the same way that I approached my NES games when I was a kid. I just took the game for what it was and ran with it. Shockingly, Dark Souls wasn’t just a combat simulator with reflex checks and hair-pulling moments - it was an adventure and a new world to explore, and I wanted to see and experience everything.

Obviously, looking back with hindsight, it’s easy for me to roll my eyes at myself being surprised or shocked by the game, seeing as exploration is one of the pillars of Dark Souls’ design, but I just didn’t know. I think that’s one of the things that made the game and experience so special to me, as I was just able to enjoy this gaming cultural behemoth without any of the white noise contamination that I have now. Everything was unexpected, and I was just able to connect with a new world on my own terms and at my own pace, making the entire experience an exercise in solitude and intimacy - further driven home by the same themes being woven throughout the landscape of Lordran and my time spent there. Immediate and total resonance with a piece of art or media is rare and one of the most powerful things a person can experience, and I guess, in a very crude way, that’s why I love the Souls games - they just make sense to my brain in almost every way. That isn’t to say I don’t have criticisms or flaws towards these games, on the contrary, the games I love most are the ones that I can be the hardest on. However, all those things fade away the moment I hear that haunting menu theme.

I think this series' relative obscurity now is less a mark on its age and more a testament to the frankly absurd amount of quality releases, not just from Capcom, but from a lot of developers during the 6th generation of consoles.

It's a short one, and on the easier side if you're used to the fixed-camera Capcom games of the era, but it's still a lot of fun while it lasts and is worth playing if you want something that sits somewhere in the middle of Resident Evil survival horror and Devil May Cry stylish action. There is one section that is just cruel (if you know you know), but honestly, in an era where you can just look it up in two seconds, it's hardly worth getting upset over.

It's a shame this didn't sell well enough to justify porting the rest of the series over to modern platforms, but at least we got something (which is more than I can say for most companies regarding their legacy output...).

The startup screen UI.

The file select screen.

The sparse MIDI acoustic guitar OST for the opening area.

The "SUCCESS" message.

Right down to the fonts.

Right off the bat, Soccer Story makes it clear that this isn't merely an homage to Golf Story, it's a flat-out copy in a shocking number of ways. This homework-copying is far more brazen than any of the games which have ripped off Overcooked; when something like Moving Out or Catastronauts reused Overcooked's format, they at least had enjoyable gameplay to back it up. But no amount of plagiarism can hide how dull and slow Soccer Story is.

Movement is sluggish, aiming mechanics are bare-bones, bland fetch quests and "find/hit 10 things" checklists are overly plentiful. Above all else, it completely lacks the charm and fantastic writing of Golf Story. There's no sense in aping another game's style and penchant for silly gameplay diversions if you can't make it enjoyable.

Derivative, but can't live up to what it's so determined to copy. Booooooo.

Mushroom zombies is the dumbest idea ever. Why ruin the best monster with a mushroom? I can’t take it seriously at all. Mushroom monsters are reserved for Mario. I can’t be scared of a pizza topping. Not only that, but their face looks like pepperoni. OK I guess theyre going with a pizza zombie theme. But then out of nowhere they start making dolphin sounds. OK buddy... I get you're trying to be different from every other zombie thing but the appeal of zombie things is that they could all happen in the same world.

Like oh im passing thru this house and maybe umm idk Ben from night of the living dead was here. Whatever. The spore thing is stupid too and serves no purpose. I dont like "clickers" and the fact that its impossible to melee fight them more than one at a time. I dont like the puzzles all being ladder or plank or wood pallet and i dont like how close the camera is to your character wtf i cant see anything.


and the camera zooms in dramatically every time you do a melee hit and you get less and less situational awareness and it sucks because these mushroom bitches can one shot you if they approach you but i cant see you because im punching this zombie and i can see about 4 milimeters of my 900 inch 4k tv screen not being taken up by joel, the man with the shoulders of me on steroids.

In fact im gonna go on record as to saying I think this may not even be fixed if it was playable with a keyboard and mouse. I'm sorry to everyone who stockholmed themselves into thinking that videogames are playable on controllers but I feel about 60% in control of my character at any given moment.

I couldve pulled off some badass shit if i was allowed to aim and do an input without pressing up left quarter circle l2 at the same time to switch my gun. Even then the melee system still somehow doesnt understand that we figured out targeting with devil may cry 3 and hell probably before that who gives a shit.

Now im using my last melee charge on this baby normal zombie who cant one shot me and oh look the one shot pizza zombies coming here time to do the whole encounter again. FUCK limited melee weapons i hate them with all my heart let me have a knife or something i swear to you i can smash a baseball bat into someone full force and it'd break on the first hit but that's because i'm extremely strong. if someone like joel were to hit a baseball bat into someone you know it would last for a very long time because it's made of strong wood sometimes aluminum or something not plywood.

Seriously i dont get the obsession with having charged up/limited melee attacks in these arkham knockoff stealth games like this and deus ex HR. What a god damn shit show for real. But yeah now for the good parts. This game is really good, i love the story and the graphics, the writing is nice, i insulted the combat a bit earlier but when it works and you're smashing zombie heads into the wall and punching them into pieces it feels amazing.

I love exploring neighborhoods and stuff and looting its very relaxing and nice. I would love to live in a zombie apocalypse IRL i think it'd be very relaxing just like that.

Yeah so... now for the elephant in the room. Yes I know I had this game at one star before. Why did I give it another try?
well aside from not being able to think about anything but walking dead for the past 6 months, I've been curious as to why so many love this game and think its the best ever made.

And yeah I totally get it now. I'm a man, I'm man enough to admit when I was wrong. I've sinned a lot in my life and I've made plenty of mistakes. I shot my brother, I rated encore higher than to pimp a butterfly, I watched Jane die, but nothing.. nothing will compare to the 9 years I have spent thinking and telling others that this game was bad.

And for that ... I apologize. But I'm thinking... does this make me a normie? am I a normie now? am I gonna line up for the next god of war reboot game? oh pls no. I need to play something patrician and niche to fix my reputation. Shit i think its time i pull out god hand.

There is something magical about getting to tell a story and working for the ending it deserves. It's one of the things that made me love the Nier games, Life is Strange, Zero Escape, and Telltale, but even if there's not much resistance, earning an end is something that hits hard for me. Beacon Pines not only feels like you are working to earn the ending the story deserves, but that the story is desperately trying to get you there. In a strange way, it's a co-op experience between the player and the game.

This gorgeous game is a children's storybook come to life, and has some of the most heartfelt and real characters I've seen in a game, especially children. Child characters are notoriously hard to write, but Beacon Pines nails it and delivers a vibe akin to Stand By Me or IT as a group of kids in search of adventure get tangled up in something much more dire than they could realize. By advancing the story you collect words, and these words can be applied in other parts of the story to fill in the blanks and branch the story into several paths.

The narrator, Kirsten Mize, delivers probably one of my favorite voice performances in a video game ever. She is passionate, hopeful, scared, and brave all at once, and brings real weight to even the most trivial of events. I played this game with a friend and recorded that Let's Play for Youtube, which you can check out at https://youtube.com/gameluster ! We had an amazing time doing the voices for the characters and feeling real emotion through the screen.

The narrator needs your help, trapped in a spiral of bad endings that she simply CANNOT allow to be the end. Take the time to help her find the ending we all deserve. It's well worth the time.

After installing Resident Evil 7, I sat quietly and listened to the somber yet calming piano play through the PS5 menu for a few minutes before finally embarking on my first foray into the Resident Evil franchise.

I had watched a friend play pieces of RE4, so I expected zombies, guns, and some kitsch. I wasn't worried. I wasn't daunted by the divergence of a happy, sweet video into one of fear, and I wasn't taking Mia's warning to "stay away" seriously. As I was treated to what looked like a beautiful fall afternoon in Louisiana, I should've known that my wandering in the weeds, through the beams of sunlight shining through the tree canopy, lackadaisically searching for clues about Mia, would be my last few moments of peace for a long while. Until I entered that damn house.

What followed was nine and a half hours of pure terror-driven tension. Biohazard does an amazing job of throwing you into the deep end from the get-go - pushing you off balance, and using your anxiety against you. The Baker family are a force to be reckoned with, to be sure, but, like any good horror film, so much of the tension comes from the fear of what might happen. The haunting and hostile atmosphere cultivated throughout the game is top-notch and really essential to the success of the experience. Stray noises, flickering lights, and shadows (even your own) work to keep you on edge as you explore, keeping the tension ramped up even when you begin to feel safe. I honestly can't imagine trying to play this game in VR. After all of the terror and anxiety of exploring, finally getting to confront my tormenters in boss fights were intense but cathartic events that were incredibly satisfying to pull off.

The first half of the game is masterful, and I found myself constantly thinking about the game, even after I had put down my controller. The characters were fascinating, the gameplay was exciting, and I couldn't wait to figure out what was happening and where to go next. I do feel like Biohazard reaches its heights around the midway point of the plot, as the latter half of the game eschews the horror pacing and replaces it with buckets of ammo and exposition overload through pamphlets and notes. I still enjoyed the second half - feeling a little more powerful was a nice way to turn the tables, but some of the choices regarding pace were strange. For a game that spends most of its time delivering story through gameplay, the decision to dump answers via text felt cheap, and while thematically the ending sequence makes sense, the execution was incredibly lackluster and somewhat unsatisfying in regards to actual gameplay. Resident Evil 7 would be as close to perfection as possible if the ending sequence lived up to the bar set by the previous segments of the game.

Overall, despite a somewhat frustrating finish, I still felt fulfilled by the game as a whole, and I will never forget my time in the Dulvey Mansion. The characters, mystery, and story-telling throughout the game triumph over the short-comings, and made RE7 one of the best gaming experiences I've had in recent memory.