Unreasonably cruel by design, completely decrepit and crusty as an entirely grounded virtue, and still earnestly unplayable no matter how much I or it tries to justify that as part of its core thesis. And that's soooo cool. The surface levels of its completely aware corporate, deterministic, and hellish analogues for depressive and nihilistic thought that you quite literally ascend out of is MORE than worth the thorns, but not for me. Nope. I got several days in before the realization that metagaming would be an encouraged straight-faced requirement and that's when I knew I would never get through this without hotkeyed console commands every single day so I committed the immutable sin of just... watching/reading my way to victory. Sorry! My "reviews" are glorified blogposts anyway, so it's nothing new. And I personally just don't accept this kind of design altogether, especially in the later days of this game.

I still hold so much respect for it though, both in terms of encapsulating such a stark but brutally real depiction of life through its particular lens, and grounding it all in such a way that all of the complex layers can be easily peeled back to the same pathos core. Kind of difficult to dance around a lot of the elements here without spoiling, there's quite a few character cuts that go for the throat on various levels of "how does one find that strength to continue" here that I'm going to think about a lot. I couldn't delve that much into the detail anyways, I've lived privileged, I have not been in the depths of darkness that walk the hallways here. I will say as my single form of criticism to the story that its philosophical quandaries aren't exactly hitting high above the clouds, and I don't mean that in terms of vs. philosophy I mean that the highest highs here don't hit so hard, another victim of the gameplay making you largely senseless to it but also because the pacing kind of crams some of that in all at once.

On the other hand, the music mmmmmmmmmm. Awake in Death, When It Rains, Second Trumpet are incredible. The aesthetic is lovely too, with immaculate detail that's super suitable. If nothing else I'm committed to anything Project Moon comes up with (god I'm really going to get another gacha huh) simply for its irrefutable direction over every single one of its elements, even if this game is barely managing to make its initial mechanical concepts meet by sheer tedium.

To sort of address a last elephant in the room, I'm not going to say that if you are curious you should go down the same path as me. You will ABSOLUTELY most certainly be filtered at some point to like, 90-95% of the people I know who read the shit I write, but you should try to persevere as far as you can. I think at the least everyone should like, TRY, this, to understand the full scope of what the fuck Lobotomy Corporation has in store for you.

I have 63.5 hours in Vampire Survivors, 9.6 in Seraph's Last Stand, 4.1 in Soulstone Survivors, and 3.5 in 20 Minutes Till Dawn. I've played these Survivors-likes a lot, and I daresay I even like them. However, they represent one of the greatest issues of contemporary gaming and media consumption more broadly. With little exception, Survivors-likes are about pleasure rather than enjoyment.

That these games are pleasurable is hard to deny, they're perfectly tuned to tickle the brain through large damage numbers getting larger, (theoretically) overwhelming odds, the pseudo-random element of choices on level up, and pitch-perfect dings and chimes when getting XP. Vampire Survivors in particular adds on the pleasure of opening something with its treasure chests with resplendent animations and music. The first few hours of any Survivors-like are the best because of the sense of mystery, not knowing what's behind the curtain making it tick. You're left wondering how long you can last, what evolutions are possible, what maps you can unlock, what new systems lie in store. In that sense it's not entirely dissimilar to a 'regular' roguelite like The Binding of Isaac (1,031.9 hours), Slay the Spire (282.7 hours), or Enter the Gungeon (217.9 hours). Like those games, Survivors-likes have an overarching progression with gradual unlocks for doing tasks. Like those games, there's a feeling of becoming better at the game over time. The problem is that in nearly all Survivors-likes, you aren't actually improving at all, nor are you facing an actual challenge. You simply think you are.

The three roguelites I mentioned above have a lot of their enjoyment stemming from 'breaking' the game, finding out how to effectively use its mechanics and synergies in the most advantageous way. But figuring out how to break the game requires, at least in part, some knowledge of how the game works and how to manipulate play to increase the odds of breaking the game. In TBoI, a player has to know to avoid damage to get a Devil Room. As such, getting some of the best items in the game demands mechanically perfect play. You can fail forward into some synergies for sure, but to actually unlock access to potential advantages, you have to earn it. Even the items that would allow one to overcome the skill requirement are themselves tied to a skill requirement for their unlocking. StS, as an engine-building game, lets you demolish its challenges with a well-maintained deck, but you have to know how the mechanics work and how to deal with enemies that can render your engine moot.

Survivors-likes, on the surface, have that same game-breaking with their item evolutions/syngeries. You might feel clever for discovering an evolution, and like a badass for wiping out hordes with little to no resistance. But you didn't get that power through knowing how a fight works (unless knowing to move slightly away from an enemy is intricate knowledge), you got it by picking two items from a very, very limited pool. A limited pool that allows you, with progression, to remove items from it or skip the choices until you get what you want. It's similar to holding R in TBoI to get a good first item room, or waiting at a traffic light, trying to predict when it will turn green, and saying 'that didn't count' when you got it wrong. You're sinking up to thirty minutes per run into something solvable and solved. Without the ability to choose when you use what attacks, and with enemy attacks amounting to 'go where they are thinnest' and 'move up a little bit to avoid a slow projectile,' there's no skill ceiling or skill floor. There's no consequence for a poor (read: mathematically incorrect) decision outside of your numbers not being ideal; picking up Ipecac when you have Broken Mirror this is not.

To be abundantly clear, there isn't anything implicitly wrong with the Survivors-like formula, and there's nothing implicitly wrong with finding pleasure in them. They are purposely designed to elicit pleasure, after all. The issue is that players are largely uncritical of what they are consuming, why they find it pleasurable, and whether or not it is actually enjoyable. Pleasure and enjoyment are not mutually exclusive, but pleasure is something that happens to you, and enjoyment is something earned by you. To keep things in the realm of gaming, those broken runs in TBoI are pleasurable because of a sense of accomplishment, and enjoyable because that accomplishment was meaningfully earned. Survivors-likes are pleasurable because of a sense of becoming stronger and doing well, but not enjoyable because there is minimal effort put in and no actual skill. Playing a multiplayer shooter with your friends is pleasurable and enjoyable because you are exercising your skills and spending time with people whose company you enjoy. You are lost in the moment so actions like imperfect play do not hamper your pleasure, and since you are still being tested no matter how you perform, it remains enjoyable. Playing a multiplayer shooter alone has varying pleasure tied directly to performance of play, and enjoyment derived from trying your best.

Again, there is nothing intrinsically wrong with deriving pleasure from these games. You should, however, stop and ask yourself from time to time if you are getting any enjoyment from what you're doing. Maybe you're not, and that's alright, but a life lived in pursuit of pleasure above all else is probably not a very fulfilling one. And companies know that we love pleasure. It's why social media exists in the way it does to keep your attention indefinitely. It's why Marvel movies follow the same formula time and again. It's why reality TV was and is such a massive market. It's why viral marketing and the media tell you you have to watch the new Netflix original film, lest you suffer FOMO. It's why Survivors-likes demand a large investment of time so you feel more emotionally attached to the experience and will tell your friends they have to play it.

Take a step back and ask yourself, why?

As of currently, I've finished at least one run of every character, and multiple runs for the final one. The game has not received a fan translation yet, so I cannot speak much on its story, but I can currently say that it's cast is wild and what it does with it's story, from what I can gather, is very interesting and atypical of Touhou's usual routine. This review will probably be spoiler tagged later down the line when I actually can replay it and experience the story, and go for 1CCs if possible.

This game is rough around the edges, for sure, not perfect at all. I had some problems, some minor and major annoyances, but despite that, this is some of the most fun I've had with a game all year. The soul and passion poured into this game is felt in every minute of play. The long, delayed, and memed upon wait was definitely worth it in my eyes.

Gameplay wise it's something the series has never seen before, a type of 2D action game with several playable characters, and a boss rush game to boot. There are no stages here, just multiple different bosses who's attack patterns can change based on who you're playing as & where you're fighting them. The bosses are all a joy to tackle, with each of the 6 playable characters having completely, and wildly different playstyles that make each one distinct. It also has one of the wildest character returns in the series, and puts them in a spot of prominence I absolutely never could've seen coming, which I think the game deserves huge props for.

It also has just straight up one of the best OSTs in a Touhou game to date, up there with 11, 12.3, and 14.5 for me.

I will expand on this review in the future, but for now, I'll leave it at this:

Touhou 17.5 is a flawed game, but one I love every bit of regardless.

"but garb!" the imaginary man in a green suit says to me, the representative of my millions of fans. "technically Trails in the Sky was supposed to be a two parter, and 3rd was made while crossbell was being straightened out! you can leave a legitimate review, saying how much you loved the game while still feeling like you experienced the whole thing!"
"nay..." i mutter aloud, causing the cute girl in front of me in my accounting class to glance at me awkwardly. "nay i tell you," this time spoken internally. "i shant write such a serious review quite yet..."
i think to myself "what is a funny short sentence i can write about the game that can garner me backloggd likes" all of a sudden i figured it out. the review that would get me the likes i deserve, the review that properly shows my wit and humor. one that nobody would find long, one that nobody would find unfunny. the perfect one sentence review.

She Trail on my Sky til i SC

BUZZFEED QUIZ #1986

Who Said It — Taylor Swift (😍😍😍) Or Beatrice (🤮🤮🤮)?

1 "Did I close my fist around something delicate? Did I shatter you?"

2 "Do you miss the rogue who coaxed you into paradise and left you there?"

3 “Past the curses and cries, beyond the terror in the nightfall"

4 “Now my eyes leak acid rain on the pillow where you used to lay your head"

5 “Life isn't how to survive the storm, it's about how to dance in the rain”

6 “Words can break someone into a million pieces, but they can also put them back together”

7 "I'd meet you where the spirit meets the bones in a faith-forgotten land"

8 "Your touch brought forth an incandescent glow, tarnished but so grand"

9 "I wish to know the fatal flaw that makes you long to be magnificently cursed"

10 “Ushiromiya Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatler cackle cackle cackle cackle cackle"


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Answers:

1 Taylor Swift
2 Taylor Swift
3 Taylor Swift
4 Taylor Swift
5 Taylor Swift
6 Taylor Swift
7 Taylor Swift
8 Taylor Swift
9 Taylor Swift
10 Taylor Swift could have said that too we can’t say for sure (Devil's proof)

Number 1 female Spotify artist EVER.

Taylor could write Umineko but Ryukishi could never write Evermore.

“People haven't always been there for me but music always has.”
― Taylor Swift
👆👆👆👆 Such powerful words 😭

Swifties stay winning 💅💅💅💅 You mad little gay boi with the SHEEPS 🤣🤣 and WOLVES 🤣🤣 family ????

My diva is also taller (1.80 cm or 5 ft 11") than your stupid spaghetti (🍝?) smelling ass witch.

>calls herself golden witch
>can only manifest candy
>og_battler_crying_sprite.png

>calls herself a "mere" pop artist
>also wrote the best country, country-pop and pop-rock albums of all time
>CHAD_TAYLOR_DIVA_QUEEN_QUEEN_CHAD.png

Stay slayin queen, don't let this goofy ass spaghetti (🍝?) smelling ass witch take your throne.

Me when 黄金の影修正版 BEATRICE MELODY（ラック眼力）is playing: 🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴🥱😴
Me when Shake it Off is playing: 🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻🎵💃🏻

THAT'S 👏 ALL 👏 FOLKS 👏 !

"Are you ready for your free market lessons?"

John Locke gulps

Voltaire breathes heavily

Adam Smith nods nervously

Baruch Spinoza sighs

"Yes Zun from Touhou Project" they all say in unison