Absolutely terrible.

Anyone who wants to understand game design should play this. On the surface, it looks and plays just like the first three, but spend a bit of time with it, and it falls apart very fast.

Story involves time travel again for no real reason, cortex creates a terrible budget-crash who uses elemental masks (very cliched), etc etc. Nothing special.

Visually everything looks kind of off. Crash's extra lives are janky 3D heads instead of the charming 2D art. Cortex's eyes are all fucked up, and his 'N' is too big. N Tropy looks all messed up, repeating assets from older games. Animation is much better on cutscenes in older games. Levels are kind of just repeated ideas from previous games visually.

Gameplay is unforgivable. Levels are too widely spaced, meaning 90% of enemies can just be walked around, so many enemies in this just stand harmlessly throwing stuff into the middle of what is essentially a massive motorway.

You fight the same boss every time, Crunch with a new flavor added on. The flame-mask one in particular stood out as really dumb. Where you just ran back and forward chasing each other with a pathetic looking water pistol in some non-descript pathway.

Vehicles all handle in a really poor way, especially the aliens-power loader thing, which i audibly groaned at everytime it made an appearance.

Can you tell i hated every second of this?

Easily the worst crash game, i played them all in order, and i've gotta say, the latter entries after this are much more tolerable, as much as they miss the mark.

A true companion-piece to Spyro Enter the Dragonfly.

Most people seem to feel otherwise but I think the prior works of the CRPG legends Leonard Boyarsky and Tim Cain (namely Diablo 3 and WildStar) shine right through. Fallout 4 might've had more consequential choices for the player to make both in regards to what to click enemies to death with or how to go about the comedy of errors trying to pass itself off as the main conflict, but it didn't have any [Intelligence] dialogue options for Us Erudite RPG Enjoyers, now did it..? I'm ever so glad that the wholesomechungus folX at Obshitian swooped in to save us from the clutches of dumb open world shooters that give you rusty POS power armor and a minigun within the first hour (they would never do that, they made sure it isn't rusty and gave a grenade launcher instead!!). And Yes, just like all my fellow devout anti-capitalists with robust steam libraries and shelves full of amiibos here, I purchased this hallmark product from freegogpcgames dot com and am eagerly awaiting to pay 69,99 for the anti-corpo follow-up published by Microsoft, keep up the fight my brothers&sisters!!

I don't get it. By which I mean, I don't get what the appeal is supposed to be. Was this supposed to be scary? Was this supposed to be deep? I jokingly called the premise and the ending two steps into the first proper level. Full spoilers because I don't respect this game.

I don't respect this game because it made me kill people multiple times for the sake of simple lock-and-key "puzzle" advancement. For reasons that are abstract enough I do not care to learn more about, multiple NPCs in this game are hooked up to power generators as a form of life support. The first time I encountered one of them, a robot named Carl, there was a puzzle elsewhere in the room that let me keep him alive while I diverted power to a door through alternate means.

"Ah ha!" I thought. The puzzle of the game will be: take the obvious route, and someone dies. Explore and find the more obscure route, and you save their life.

Except for the next one, a woman named Amy, you pull out her life support lines right in front of her. She screams. The player character says "you ok bro?" and then pulls out the second. She dies. "Oh no!" says the player character. And then goes about his puzzle solving.

I had to look up in a guide that I had to do this. Saving Carl had conditioned me to think that of course I would save Amy. It did not cross my mind that the main character would be so stupid, cruel, and selfish as to very obviously kill a woman just to open a door.

So, to spoil the premise: the player character is a digital brain scan of a Canadian man, Simon, who has been loaded into a computer chip. This chip has then been wedged into the brain of a dead woman. So using her dead body, Simon explores a science facility with another dead digitized woman, Catherine, (who lives in his PDA) in the hopes that both of them can escape into the Matrix.

I hate Simon. As a player character, I hate that he’s always breathing so hard. (He’s a zombie robot! He should not be respiring!) As a character, his writing is so myopic it drives me up a wall. He never mentions Amy to Catherine. But later, Simon needs to get into a pressurized suit. And instead of … putting on a new suit, Simon and Catherine make a copy of his mind and hijack the corpse of another dead woman who’s already in a suit.

Doing this creates two Simons, after which Catherine asks new Simon to kill old Simon now, or otherwise leave him to die when his battery runs out. This causes Simon to have a near mental break-down. “This is so fucked up! How could you do this to me???” And I’m sitting in the back asking, “What the fuck, you murdered Amy to open a fucking door????”

At the end of the game, when Catherine and Simon make it into the Matrix, they are copied, not transferred. And Simon is surprised by this again and throws another hissy fit.

I feel like this game, like many pieces of media dealing with mortality and robot bodies, focuses on the wrong end of the question. “What is death?” is not a very interesting question. “Who are we? What makes us, us?” The answer to all of those is settled. You are your continuation of memory. Death is that continuation being irreversibly terminated. The more interesting end of the question is, “What are the ethics for creating new life in hostile environments? Should new life be created when you know exactly what kind of person they will be, (a copy of yourself), and what kind of existence they will lead from the moment you create them?”

But SOMA breezes past that kind of discussion with easy “here, press this computer button to kill that inconvenient double” answers at multiple turns. It seems to think it has found depth by shoving the player’s face into the sentiment, “woah, did you just kill a dude? Isn’t that fucked up??”

Yes. That was murder. It was bad. What do you want from me?

Oh yeah, this game has monsters. They’re lame. Feel no shame in using Safe Mode.

God I hate it when games are secretly woman murder simulators.

What an eye-rolling affair. D+ / C- rank, 1.5 stars.

shoulda just been called BROWN

ever looked at Fallout 3 and thought “ehhhh this could be more monotonous”? well Tim Willits did and so Id Software made this: a PS3-era unnecessarily-open-world shooter at Absolute Maximum Brownness. Just the brownest thing going.

I couldn’t handle more than a few hours of looking at it.

tim willits is a fuckin loser bro. man made some good doom maps (with theresa chasar, his often uncredited sister) and did great work on quake pre-champions, but he never should've been elevated into the position he was by the end of his tenure at id

american mcgee calls him a "serial credit thief" and sandy petersen attributes the collapse of id to his meddling and refers to him only as "snake"; this guy's slime. man was making claims so erroneous that he managed to get both johns to team up on his ass which is saying something. saying he invented DM-only maps for quake when anyone can go check when idmap01 or cross.wad came out for doom, or better yet just think about how goofy it is for five seconds

so what happens when this rat fraud bitch teams up with soulless automaton john carmack? awooga. the most dead eyed fps ever made. together these two men really brought the heat and redefined what it means to be vacant and empty inside. one driven only by a love of machines, the other by cynical careerism. the result would be a tech demo that has virtually no redeeming qualities; even john goodman sounds like he'd rather be anywhere else, and how can you blame him

forget passion or heart or whatever fever drives the average person to create. forget anything that resembles human input. this is referential slop; echoes of better media, better games, better products — cos that's all this thing is at the end of the day — as interpreted and executed by pulseless weirdos. subpar linear shooter, even worse pseudo open world shooter; artless aesthetic sensibilities; internally and externally ugly borderlands gopher bullshit; fallout 3 brown and bloom mad max mcnugget slime created to advance tim willits' career

if I ever write another review this mean it means tim willits just put out another game