For the longest time, I have believed that, in order to get the most out of any video game, you have to experience it in its most true, original form, and by that, I mean you would get the most out of a game by playing it through its original release on its original system. While I don’t agree with that now, I can kinda see where young me would come from with that argument, because after all, having the physical copy of a game to play on the actual system would probably leave a much bigger impact on the player rather than, say, just loading it up on your emulator like any other game and playing it from there. However, now that I am a true pirate at heart, I have come to learn that you can not only experience a hell of a lot more games with the emulation, but you can also hypothetically enhance the experience thanks to all the quirks that come with it. This isn’t even limited to emulation either, as there have been plenty of collections or re-releases of a game out there that do add several features that you would typically see from an emulator, which ends up ultimately making the process of playing the game that much less painful. That became all too clear to me whenever I had decided to play through the original Turrican.

Truth be told, I had no idea that this was a thing for the longest time, as I’m sure most of you probably don’t know what it is either. The only way I ended up finding out about it was when I saw some people logging it on this website a long time ago, and it did somewhat catch my eye, so I looked it up, and it actually looked like it could be pretty fun. So, I went ahead and decided to play the original game… after a long time of waiting (don’t ever change, Mega), and based on what I have played, there are many ways that I could absolutely tear this thing to shreds, as it has a lot of issues. However, at the end of the day, I ended up enjoying it enough not just because of some solid elements that do shine through all the rubble, but also with the way that I played the game that did make a huge difference, and will definitely play a big factor into how you enjoy it.

The story is somewhat generic for the time the game was made, where there was once a peaceful, man-made world in a distant galaxy known as Alterra, which was held together primarily with the help of the MORGUL unit, who all of a sudden decides to rebel against the humans due to a freak accident, so in response, the remaining humans created Turrican, a mutant warrior who is given the sole task of taking out MORGUL and taking back Alterra for them, so he sets out to do just that. None of that is explained within the game itself, and it is definitely one of those plots you can just throw to the wayside with no care in the world, as it is basically just copied and pasted form plenty of other games, just with a few words changed around to make it sound original.

The graphics are good, with Turrican himself having plenty of detail, as well as all of the environments and some of the enemies, but most of it does look pretty generic for a platformer made around this time, the music ranges from being pretty decent to pretty bad, and while I can’t say I really grew attached to any of the tracks found here, there were definitely several tracks that I would much rather listen to over others, and the gameplay/control is somewhat typical for a platformer from the early 90s, but it does mix in plenty of elements that do make it stand on its own, even if those legs that it is standing with are pretty frail and could snap in half at any second.

The game is a 2D action platformer, where you take control of Turrican, go through a set of thirteen different nonlinear levels through several different worlds, take down plenty of different enemies and get through several parts of the world using any of the weapons that you have at your disposal, gather MANY different power ups that can do a wide array of things, including healing yourself, upgrading your weapons, giving you ammo for said weapons, and so on, and take on plenty of bosses that will surely put your skills to the test, both in terms of how much you can dodge and attack, but also in how much bullshit can you put up with before calling it quits. Like I mentioned before, while a lot of this is pretty typical stuff, there are definitely a lot of combining elements that do make this game stand out from a lot of the others on other systems, even if it is held back massively due to all of its faults.

Starting with the good though, I have to bring up Turrican’s moveset, as he is quite possibly the most versatile video game protagonists that I have ever seen from the early 90s. From the start of the game, you already have access to a ridiculous amount of weapons, and as you keep going, your arsenal only builds from there, with you being able to shoot a regular shot, throw out large bombs, place mines to blow up enemies, shoot a fiery laser, roll into a spikey ball and speed around the place, and plenty of other things I didn’t even mention. That is a FUCK-TON of things you can do right out the gate, and while this may seem like too much at times (which it can be), a lot of these weapons and skills become very helpful later down the road, not only in terms of taking out enemies, but also with getting through several areas, which is really appreciated, along with several areas that change up the type of gameplay you will handle, and thus, how you will go about using these weapons.

What is also pretty noteworthy is how one goes about progressing through the game, as it is basically a mix between your standard action platformer and something like Metroid. You have one clear goal in mind, and that is to get to the end of each stage and/or fight a boss, but a lot of the levels are pretty big, allowing you to explore many different pathways to figure out precisely where you need to go. Sure, there are some levels that remove this aspect entirely, and there aren’t really too many areas that you would want to go exploring in other than the one that takes you to the end, but it isn’t as if exploring around is a complete waste of time, because you can find a MOTHERLOAD of power ups by searching around a lot of the time, making it worth it to go out of your way in plenty of instances.

Despite all of that though, none of that can make up for the game’s problems, because MY GOD, there are a lot of them. In fact, there are so much of them that we are gonna pull a Mega Man 1 here and do a quick lightning round of all of them, because if I were to discuss each point in depth, we would be here all day. pulls out sheet of paper and clears throat............ while the levels are pretty expansive and rewarding to explore, the level design itself is pretty shit, full of plenty of different traps and unfair sections that hinder your progress because of you can’t see everything clearly, you have no invincibility frames, meaning that you can go from having full health to none in the blink of an eye because you didn’t notice that one spike pixel touching your ass, there are several segments throughout the game where you need to navigate through very tight spaces while using your tools to help you go further, and trust me, doing this is much easier said than done, especially when you are fumbling around like an idiot most of the time, you are on a time limit for every stage, where it does give you plenty of time in the first couple of stages, but later down the road, it gets to the point where if you take just one wrong turn, that’ll cost you one life, and finally, the bosses can be a pain in the dick, taking up way too much room and not giving you any sort of fair opening to get shots in without getting hurt yourself, and finally, there are enemies all over the goddamn place, making it so that you will never get out of a fight unscathed, and you will always need to watch around the corner to make sure you won’t die………………. yeah. I’m pretty sure there’s one or two other problems I could’ve brought up, but I think that should be plenty to prove to you that the original version of this game FUCKING SUCKS, and I don’t know how anyone would’ve gotten away with releasing something like this back in the day.

However, note that I said the ORIGINAL version of this game sucks, which brings me back to the point that I brought up from the very beginning. You may have been wondering, if I think this game sucks and have been bitching about it for a lot of this review, why did I still give it three out of five stars? Well, that is because of one saving grace that made this entire game bearable to play: re-releases. I played through this entire thing using the Turrican Flashback collection on the Switch, which not only has several Turrican games included on it, but it also updates in them in a lot of the ways you would typically expect from one of these collections, such as customizable controls, save states, a rewind feature, and so on. All of these features, especially the rewind feature, basically saved this entire game for me, as whenever I did encounter a particularly frustrating section or an obstacle I couldn’t quite clear on my first go, I would just have to hit that rewind button or save state button so that I could give it another shot.

Now, some of you may criticize me for using these methods in order to play this game, and you may question how I can call this game good with those features present, to which I say that, because of these features, the game turned out to be a lot more enjoyable. There are aspects of this game that I did genuinely really like, and there are a lot of aspects here that, if treated with better care, could’ve made the game so much better, but because of these functions, I am able to enjoy the game at a reasonable pace with a reasonable amount of difficulty, to where I never ended up getting too frustrated and I managed to enjoy myself by the end of it. If you aren’t convinced by that, then do yourself a favor, and try to actually play the game as it was originally intended, with no save states or rewind feature whatsoever, beat the whole thing like that, and get back to me on how you feel then.

Overall, despite its many, many, MANY problems, I ended up enjoying my time with Turrican regardless of all that, not just because of that shit that I just mentioned, but also because of all the different weapons you can mess around with, the fun combat whenever you manage to get a proper rhythm going, and some genuinely fun levels that do keep you on your toes to watch out for what comes ahead. I would definitely recommend it for those who are into old-school platformers, but if you do decide to try it out for yourself, PLEASE do so using an emulator, or that collection that I mentioned earlier. It may not be the most official way to play the game, but it will definitely be the best way you can play it, and hey, who knows: you may end up liking it as much as I did. I just hope that, for the sequel, they end up toning down on the bullshit so that I wouldn’t need to rely on that stuff religiously in order to have a good time. Although, let’s be real, those silly 90s devs probably aren’t gonna do that, so I will prepare myself for the inevitable ass-whooping I will get from that game in the future.

Game #575

This game is the perfect example of "Video Game Art" it feels like an experience as opposed to a game.

This game sounds and looks great, I was on edge the whole time, I was convinced that there was something following me in the game, chat said they could hear footsteps, and then I see a bloody hand! NAH I WAS LIVID! DEV LIED LOL

But I speedran this after can probs get like 50 mins to beat the game if you know where you are going, I will probs go back and see if you can ride all the waterslides!

But play this max volume, lights off and alone! Itll make you feel immersed, I was on the verge of a panic attack

You know what I really like? Giant mech suit robots. There have been quite a fuck ton of these things that have been made and shown off in various games, movies, TV shows and what have you over time, and while some of them can be pretty lame and…….. stupid, most of them either end up being fun or straight up fucking awesome! Not only that, but they can be the solution to any problem that you are having. You need something to make your product more exciting and likable? Giant robot. You need to get rid of some bozo that’s constantly bothering you all the time? GIANT ROBOT. You need to spice up your relationship so that you and your partner don’t end up leaving each other? GIANT. ROBOT. And hey, these things even work in the case of today’s game, because one day at Capcom HQ, while trying to develop new games, I guess they were thinking to themselves “Hmm…. how can we make a beat-’em-up that spices things up and doesn’t just feel like a retread of our previous games?” and the answer to that question was simple: giant robots. They then took this idea and ran with it, creating the forgotten, yet oh so sweet, Armored Warriors.

I had never played this game before, but it was always one of the games from the Capcom Arcade Stadium that managed to catch my eye whenever I would scroll through what was available to choose from. Not only did the game have that look of quality Capcom games usually have, but it was also a beat-’em-up WITH MECHS. How could they possibly fuck up that kind of concept? Of course though, me being me, I waited long enough to play it, so I decided now was a good time to finally give it a shot, and yeah, it is definitely as great as I thought it was gonna be. It can definitely feel pretty same-y at times, especially if you have played Capcom’s other beat-’em-ups, but this game still manages to kick all the ass for most of its run, not only because of its gimmick, but also by just being really fun in general.

The story is somewhat generic for this type of game and genre, where after a long-fought war has come to an end through the use of a ceasefire treaty, news starts to spread that Melkide, the capital of Raian, has been overtaken by a mysterious and malevolent army, so it is up to a group of soldier to pilot their own respective mechs, go take back the city of Melkide, and figure out what is truly going on, which is the kind of plot that I would typically complain about, but I am too distracted by the giant mech action happening to get that upset. The graphics are wonderful, fully carrying that shine of quality that Capcom usually gives to their arcade titles, while also having plenty of fantastic designs, animations, and details given to all of the different robots, characters, environments, and so on, the music is… somewhat of a let-down, definitely not giving off the exact vibe and feel that a game like this should have, but the tracks themselves are still fine and enjoyable enough to listen to, and the gameplay/control is very typical for that of a beat-’em-up, only you, once again, are in control of giant mechs, which makes it all worthwhile.

The game is mostly a typical arcade beat-’em-up, where you take control of one of four different mechs, go through seven different missions that will take you across several locations across multiple planets and the depths of space, take out the many different enemy mechs and soldiers in your way using your mech’s various skills and different powers, gather plenty of different items to get points and heal your mech, along with plenty of different weapons to get an edge over your foes, and take on plenty of larger than life bosses that will test you in how you use your weaponry in many different circumstances. This is the same song and dance we have partaken in with many other games in the past, but again, not to sound like a broken record, but the fact that all of this is done with giant mechs and the benefits that come with them makes this all the more engaging and fun to play through.

One of the best things to come from this game that no other game in this genre has been able to accomplish so far would be with the use of the weapons that you get. As you defeat plenty of enemies, they will drop many different parts, and at points, you can even pick up those parts and attach them directly onto yourself to change up your attack, from a standard punch to a drill to even a laser sword of all things! This also applies to your secondary weapon, which you can swap out for different types of guns like a grenade gun, a laser, and a flamethrower. All of this is already pretty sweet, but then you get to the different types of legs you can swap between as well, which not only gives you a greater feel for mobility depending on what you get, but it also allows you to perform plenty of different special moves that can both change the tide of battle and be amazing to watch play out. If none of this convinces you though, then you may change your mind when I tell you that, if you are to play this game with one or two other people, you can pull a Power Rangers and combine your mechs together to create one GIANT mech that can cause much more destruction and mayhem, with all players needing to control one specific aspect of the mech in order for it to function. This is as cool as it sounds, and I love how it actually requires you and your friends to work together as a team, rather then just simply having one of those “Beat up all the guys so that we can move on already” kind of playthroughs.

With all that being said though, if giant mech suits aren’t exactly your bread and butter (and by that, I mean you are some kind of weirdo), then you probably won’t get too much out of this game that you haven’t seen from other beat-’em-ups in the past, especially from Capcom. If you look past all the cool mech shit, it works pretty much exactly like another typical game from the genre, one that is fun to play, but some could find generic nonetheless. Not to mention, there are several instances where arcade syndrome can peer its ugly head around the corner, making some fights and bosses much more stressful than they need to, but thankfully it is nowhere near as bad as other games out there, and it still manages to be very fun at the end of the day regardless of any complaints I could have about it.

Overall, despite being another typical beat-’em-up under the surface and having some slight difficulty issues here and there, this was a blast to play after wanting to try it out for so long, and it is definitely one of the best beat-’em-ups that I have ever played from Capcom, having plenty of different mech forms and weapons to try out, having explosive and fun gameplay all throughout, and managing to make a gimmick like this work almost flawlessly that’ll make any fan of giant robots wanna try it out for themselves. I would definitely recommend it for those people, as well as those who are big on arcade beat-’em-ups in general, because if the typical means of progression throughout the game won’t do it for you, the combat, visuals, and customization of your mechs certainly will. And hey, it even managed to get a spin-off of sorts just one year later, so it clearly worked out for the best. I wonder what that game is li- AAAAAAAAND it’s another fighting game. Holy shit, Capcom, buddy, I get it, you made a lot of great fighting games, but not everything you make needs to become a fighting game at some point! What’s next, are you gonna make an Ace Attorney fighting game?............ you know, one that doesn’t involve Marvel?

Game #574

(Part 2 of the Half Century Challenge, created by C_F. You can find their second review here)

Space… it’s huge… so huge in fact, that if you lost your car keys in it, they’d be almost impossible to find… and not only that, but also huge enough to host a limitless amount of potential, not just for us as a species to explore and discover, but also to take advantage of for video game concepts. I mean, why wouldn’t we? Space is pretty fucking cool, despite how terrifying it is when you think about it for too long, and there have been plenty of games made that take advantage of what could happen in space, such as countless battles against extra-terrestrial menaces, exploring the many worlds that could be out there and the inhabitants that live on them, and also some other… weird shit that I would rather not bring up. Hell, even in some of the earliest days of video gaming, space was used as the primary gimmick when it came to their concepts, such as the case with 1962’s Spacewar….. which is too old for the sake of this challenge, so instead, we’re gonna talk about Galaxy Game, which is essentially the same thing.

Going back to playing these games that were released over half a century ago is pretty jarring for anybody who has been playing video games for the past ten years or so, not only because of how primitive it is compared to literally everything else released ever since, but also because of the fact that, really, there is no game here at all. Of course, I can’t heavily criticize a game like this that much, but if you are to ever go about trying to play this, or Spacewar, yourself, then you will find it to be a nothing experience, one that you would get tired of extremely quickly, and would cause you to want to go back to playing… I dunno, whatever the cool kids play nowadays, like Fortnite or one of those shitty live service games. The only way one could fairly judge this “game” would be not as a video game, but as a piece of history, one that somewhat paved the way for many more games like it to come in the future, so with that perspective in mind, I can certainly say that Galaxy Game is, indeed, a game that was made at one point in history.

Even jumping into the game first thing makes you feel like you have stepped back into the stone age, with you greeted by a black title screen with only a few words placed on it that are made of dots. You are given the option to play just one game for a measly ten cents, or even three games for a whopping twenty-five cents, and when you shove your money straight through your computer screen with great force, you are then greeted by the game’s… “options”. You are seemingly given the option for things such as slow speed, two player matches, the inclusion of the sun and gravity, along with positive gravity. However, based on my experience (and by that, I mean trying to get any of these options to work), I found that all of them are pretty much the exact same thing, so all of these options are lies, and you should ignore them at all costs.

You are then thrusted into action after the most intense countdown I have ever seen in my entire life, and what you are greeted with is a field of stars, occupied by two jagged penises, one black and one white, which I can only assume are meant to be rocket ships of some kind, and right in the middle, you have a seizure-inducing square that I can only assume is meant to be the sun. From here, the game is afoot, as you take control of one of the penises and figure out how to control it, rotating around and having a fire button, and from there on, your objective is clear: you must go and destroy the other penis who is doing nothing whatsoever, just so that you can prove you are the most skilled fighter in the entire galaxy!

So you then start to propel yourself forward towards the other penis, only to find that you have the SLOWEST MOVING ROCKET IN VIDEOGAME HISTORY. Seriously, these things move slower than the sloths from Zootopia, with it taking ages for you to get anywhere, and if you at some point in the game ever need to TURN of all things to propel yourself in another direction, then oh-ho-ho-ho-ho BOY, may god have mercy on your soul. Most of the time you will probably just be flying across the screen at numerous points, just trying to position your penis properly (I apologize to everyone reading this) so that you can properly aim and fire at your opponent, while they just sit there, wondering if they left the oven on before coming out to space for this battle.

This was pretty much the experience I had with this game throughout my whole time playing it, not only trying to get the rocket to move how I wanted it to so I could land a shot, but also fighting the controls, as there would be multiple points where they would just stop working, with me being only able to fire while not turning or propelling myself forward, causing me to have to restart the game several times. But then, finally, after a good five minutes or so of this struggle…. IT HAPPENED. I managed to position the penis properly to where I was going towards the target, I fired a shot, it hit the target, and then it exploded into a glorious explosion of pixels, with this playing in my head as a result, allowing me to feel an immense rush of satisfaction, as I had finally defeated my non-lethal opponent!............. only to then be booted back to the menu screen shortly afterwards, reminding me that I was still playing Galaxy Fucking Game, and that I am a sad, sad man.

So yeah, in a lot of ways, this game is forever stuck in its time period, unable to be enjoyed properly by anyone nowadays due to the simple factor that it is outdated in every single way possible, giving you no reason to want to go back and try it out. However, like with Highnoon, it is very interesting to look back on, not just in terms of how video games like this were made at such a primitive age, but even to see some of its small, yet charming little quirks, such as how somebody paid 10 cents at one point to play a round of this, or even all of these options available to mess around with. It’s not something I could recommend anyone checking out unless they want to see a piece of video game history at work, because let me tell you, it is certainly nice to look at, but not much else. And with that, I will see you all next time for another game from the far past to talk about, with less talking about penises in that review………. I think…….

Game #573

The first time I ever beat this game was back in 2022. After playing Forgotten Land when it launched, and really enjoying that, I was still in a Kirby mood and decided to beat one of the few mainline games I haven't already. While not bad overall, I found this notably weaker than Dreamland 1 for several reasons. I was a bit generous back then tho and gave it a 6 like I did Dreamland 1. Well coming back to it again, yeah It's still weaker than Dreamland 1 and I'm dropping it to a 5 now.

That's not to say there aren't some things this game improved on compared to 1. Overall, Kirby feels better to control in this one which is nice. While I'm nostalgic for the first game's ost, this game might have it beat overall. Sure it reuses a lot of tracks from Dreamland 1 and Adventure, however it's original tracks are actually really damn good. Coo's Theme is the real standout here, goddamn is that some good shit. Visually it also looks nicer than Dreamland 1 I'd say, though still doesn't look that great overall since it's still a Gameboy game.

The main thing this game added though were the animal friends. The aforementioned Koo the owl, Kine the fish and Rick the hamster are the three buddies in this game. They're a fun addition and change the gameplay up. Since copy abilities are back, each animal friend actually has their own version of each one. They greatly vary in usage though. Koo with parasol is amazing while Rick with needle is most of the time awful. It's a cool idea, that gets expanded on way more in Dreamland 3, however the execution here is very hit and miss.

Something you can use these animal friends abilities on are copy ability specific blocks. These usually block the main collectable in this game, the rainbow drops. To get 100% in this game, and fight the true final boss, you must get them all. Let me tell you, some of them are a huge pain to get. Not only are the later ones cryptic, the one where you have to use Kine + electric is just straight BS sometimes because of what you have to do to get it. If you know you know, but either way you most likely won't be getting these without a guide.

Other than that, the game just goes on for way too long I feel. To beat Dreamland 1, it takes around and hour or less (most likely a half hour) which is perfect for the type of game this is. Dreamland 2 might improve on 1's controls a bit, but it's still a Gameboy game and it's around 4 hours long to full complete everything. That's way longer and as such it just drags on near the end. That, plus the level design can be very hit or miss. Most of the levels are passable I'd say, however the game really loves its auto scrolling levels and these can be a bitch sometimes with it being a Gameboy game. And of course there's the infamous auto-scroller with the instakill dead ends that is pure trial and error and yeah that one is pure dogshit.

Along with the rainbow drops, to get 100% you have to also do these star collecting minigames and also find the female Gooey once. Gooey is this blobby guy that replaces an animal buddy if it gives you the one you already have. He just gives you some health back if you collect him. However there's a 1/8 chance it'll be a female Gooey instead and finding her actually contributes to 100% which is weird but easy to do in a certain level luckily. The star minigames you can do after going into the boss door again after you've beaten them. You have to collect every star and get a perfect in every world because this contributes to 100%. The minigames themselves are fine enough, however if you get hit or miss a star, you can't play it again until you go and beat a stage. I get why they do this as it's easy to grind lives if this wasn't in place, however the fact you have to do this for 100% just means it wastes time if you lose which isn't fun.

This is the first in the Dark Matter trilogy and so after we defeat Dedede at the end, we get to fight Dark Matter for the first time. Get used to doing that as he's a regular throughout the trilogy ofc. I remember the fight being more frustrating back in 2022, but here it wasn't too bad. Decent introduction to them as a main antagonist of the trilogy.

While I quite like Dreamland 1 and 3, I don't have much of a connection to 2 at all and I personally think it's a lot more flawed compared to those two games. It improves on some things from 1 but is also way longer and drags on because of that. Not to mention it's annoying to 100%. It's not a terrible sequel but I personally think it's a downgrade compared to 1 even if the animal friends and copy abilities being here are nice. I'll take 1 any day of the week over this.

We have covered many different fighters from SNK on this website so far, from the good to the bad, the iconic to the obscure, the stupid to the…. equally as stupid. You get the picture, we have covered a lot so far, but we have yet to cover… THE SNK fighter, the one that most people gravitate towards when they think of the company, the one that has managed to outlast every single other one and become the flagship franchise for the company. This wasn’t just any simple fighting game though, because we have already had too many of those to count from the company, but instead, it was gonna be a crossover event, one that takes two of the big fighting juggernauts from the company, along with several others, and bring them together for the first time to duke it out, not only to defeat a common enemy, but also to stand as the best of the best. This was the story… of The King of Fighters ‘94……………. or at least, that is what happened when it did get turned into a fighting game rather than a beat-’em-up.

Out of all of the fighting franchises from this company, this is the one that I had heard the most about before checking out for myself, not only because of how huge it had gotten ever since its inception, but because of its entire concept in general. At this point in time, there had never been a fighting game that’s primary focus was to be a full-on crossover game, taking two different universe and clashing them together, so seeing a game not only take Fatal Fury and Art of Fighting and having them duke it out, along with characters from Ikari Warriors and Athena because why the hell not, must’ve been really exciting for anyone who was fans of any of these games. And hey, it clearly paid off at the end of the day, because the game would go onto get yearly installments for quite some time, as well as plenty of spin-offs, side games, and other forms of media released right alongside it to this day. So, now that I am pretty familiar with every single franchise that is represented in this game, I figured it was about time I gave the series a shot with the first game, and to the surprise of nobody, I ended up really enjoying it. It most likely does not come even close to the quality of future titles, and it isn’t toooooooo different from their previous title, but it does manage to not only be a great introduction for the series as a whole, but also a really good fighting game all on its own that i am really happy to have checked out.

The story doesn’t try to be anything more than what you have come to expect, where a new face in town known as Rugal decides to host a brand new King of Fighters tournament after seeing Geese and Krauser do so in the events of Fatal Fury 1 and 2 (as well as Art of Fighting 2, but who cares), sending invitations all over the world which not only reaches the main characters from those games, but also plenty of other newcomers from around the world, so they all come together to form teams of three to take on the tournament, become the definitive King of the Fighters, and figure out what sinister intentions Rugal might be hiding. It’s an SNK fighting game, so it would feel weird for this to not be the plot, and I don’t wanna risk tearing a hole into the fabric of the universe, so I will just accept the generic plot and move along from there.

The graphics are wonderful, having some fantastic sprite work, animations, and designs for all of the characters, stages, and effects, although there are some parts like the drawings for the characters during the ending cutscenes that definitely do look rough around the edges, and is just… ugh, the music is great, having plenty of kick-ass tunes to go along with you kicking your opponent’s teeth in, but of course, you will barely be able to hear it over the sounds of the many sound effects that will be playing as you fight your opponent, and the gameplay/control is mostly what you would expect from a fighting game, but with several changes and gimmicks that would not only become a staple part of the franchise, but would make fights much more interesting as a whole.

The game is a somewhat-typical 2D fighter, where you take control of one of eight different teams, each consisting of three different fighters from other SNK games, or completely new faces that would become regulars in the series, take on plenty of other teams in locations fought all around the world, throw out plenty of different punches, kicks, and special moves to eliminate all members of the team while relying on your team’s special skills, block and dodge accordingly to sustain minimal damage to any member of your team at any time, and bask in the sweet glow of victory for those few moments…. only to then get pummeled by the next opponent who will come by. Most fighting game veterans would be able to comfortably settle into this game and have a great time with it, even with the apparent changes made to the formula, which one can easily adjust to if they know what they are doing, and still have a great time with it.

If you SOMEHOW haven’t caught onto this already, the one big change made in this game compared to every single fighting game before this is how you take control of a team of characters rather then just one solo character, and while this doesn’t affect the gameplay too heavily, it does make just enough of a change to where it does make you think about how to approach matches. Rather than the typical “three rounds and ya win/lose” formula that most fighting games have, each fighter can only be used once per match as long as they aren’t knocked out, and whenever a fighter is knocked out, they are then switched out for the next fighter on the team in the order that you selected. The only other time I have ever had experience with this style of fighting is with Marvel vs. Capcom, so I was fully aware of what this system was gonna be like going into it, and from what we have here, it works out pretty well.

It does make you think more about how you go about winning a fight, based on what character you are playing as, what moves they can pull off, their speed, their attacks, all of that shit, and seeing how you can be using a completely new character on the fly if you fuck up, it adds another level of strategy and complexity that was simple to grasp and incredibly satisfying to master. Not to mention, given how you don’t get a full health bar back whenever you beat an opponent, the game encourages you, more than ever, to play smart, and not just constantly spam the same move over and over again, or just button mash, in the vein hope of winning (even though, with some of these games, I have no choice but to do that).

Other then that though, not too much has changed if you compare this to other SNK fighters, as it is mostly your standard romp. The only real other differences I can see is that there are no bonus stages to take on, and the way that you use special moves is a bit different, but otherwise, you know what you are getting into with this, and as someone who has now played more of these then I can count, I can safely say that this was one really fun. Of course, the combat was rough around the edges, but the flow of fights still felt pretty satisfying, the energy that was there made a lot of the game feel exciting and fun, the little extra story bits here and there were very interesting, and with the fact that you essentially have 24 different characters to mess around with, there is plenty of things to do that will leave you busy, especially if you are going for all the endings.

However, as is traditional with fighting games, we gotta talk about the elephant in the room, and that elephant’s name is Fighting Game Syndrome, where the game’s CPU will not hesitate to pummel your ass to the ground before you even have a chance to comprehend what was going on in the first place. Although, with that being said, I didn’t actually find the difficulty of the game to be that bad when playing through it……. THAT IS, until I reached the final battle with Rugal, who takes on your entire team by himself, and that right there is a dirty, rotten trick. It lures you into a false sense of security, with you thinking “PFFT, three against one? This will be a total cakewalk!”, but then you actually fight him, and you will learn to never trust one of these games again. His first phase is pretty standard, nothing too bad that you can just easily get through if you know what you are doing, but then he throws off his coat, and that is when SHIT GETS REAL. He will be throwing out all these crazy attacks, comboing you before you can do anything to stop it, push you across the screen and slam you into the walls, and it is an absolute nightmare of a fight at this point. Of course, he is beatable, but you need to be pretty skilled at these games in order to take him down, and while I wouldn’t say this boss is as hard as, say, Geese Howard in Fatal Fury 1, he will still have you begging for mercy if you don’t know what you’re doing.

Overall, despite fighting game syndrome being in effect and Rugal needing to go fuck himself in every way possible, this was a great way to start off an ambitious franchise like this, and an overall really good game, having plenty of what SNK fighters had that make them so fun to try out and beat, a gameplay gimmick that shakes things up to where it is much more interesting without sacrificing what makes these games work, and having plenty of fan service from plenty of points in SNK’s history with the characters that you can’t help but appreciate if you have been playing all of these games like I have. I would definitely recommend it for those who are big fighting game fans, as well as those who love the other fighters from the company like Fatal Fury and Art of Fighting, because this game manages to blow both of those out of the water in every single way, and I can’t wait to see what the next installments have in store. But if there is one thing I will ask for, it would be to PLEASE tone down the final boss of the next game so that they won’t be as much of a pain to fight?....... who am I kidding, it’s SNK, they’re not gonna do that. And given what played at the end of the game there, looks like I am gonna have double the fun with it in the next game, so YAY FOR ME!....................... help

Game #572

Biker girl gang pummels their way to dominance, recruiting defeated bosses, buying decorations for their room, and making scary faces at one another in intimidation mini-games. It's heaven on paper, but is marred by a simple one-button control scheme that makes combat either boring or intensely punishing depending on what items you purchase to bolster your stats. But hey, one of the boss fights takes place to a cover of "Holding Out for a Hero" so...

It's also got some incredibly damaging fatphobia in there which has aged like rotten milk, so be aware of that before starting.

Kinda cool game. The graphics arent great but the characters have some decent animations and there's things like reflections in water because why the hell not? Feels very Dragon Quest inspired maybe to the point of nearly being a clone. It feels more open like the first DQ, but there's more stuff to do than that game. You can hire mercenaries to fight in your place and there's also "idols" that can fight in your place (Pokemon/statue things that you find in chests). Kinda weird but the mercenaries and idols make a separate party each, you choose which party fights at the start of battle. Seems like you can always switch to one of them from your main party, but once you do it's basically auto-battle mode for the mercenary or idol party and you can't exit it. The mercenaries were fairly cheap so I got two of them and they make pretty quick work of regular enemies and bosses. I think my only complaint is that this might potentially make this game way too easy.

Make sure you search absolutely everything, there's lots of hidden items and money to collect.

The fan translation feels pretty good. I know people get autistic about translations not being true to the original, but sometimes being true also leaves things a bit lifeless, so whoever did this one, good job on that. IMO

(I can make fun of autists because I am in my own way about other things right?)

Seems like a game I might want to complete.

Incredibly strong vibes bogged down by obtuse command expectations. You wanna go into the bloody hallway? Better have clicked on every single item in the precinct five times from ashtray to piece of paper. Like a lot of PC-98 adventure games, it gives you control but forces you through these interaction funnels, meaning you'll spend more time fumbling through clicking anything and everything than playing.

The lightning fast gun and escape sequences are an amazing touch, and graphically the game is DISGUSTING to the perfect degree. I still recommend it, but do so with a warning: Click on EVERYTHING even if you don't think it's important, because if you don't you'll HAVE to later.

Having to make my own decisions was a terrifying experience. I will never do it again. And before anyone asks, I did it, everyone! I fixed her! (I got the good ending)
It was one of the best visual novels I have ever played. Great voice acting, great story, and the voices in my head are accurate. It's impressive that they are still updating the game, and a big update that'll extend the game by 25% is on its way. It's also not a very long game; I finished it in 5 hours because I took my sweet time and wandered around.
There was a sequence where I refused to continue doing what I was told, and the game shut down after the entity told me, "I will be here when you are ready" or something. I was flabbergasted. Next time I opened the game, that same entity welcomed me, and I continued where I left off.
I just wished that the Voice of the Hero and the Narrator's voice wasn't so identical.
It is truly a unique experience and a must-play.

A long time ago, I went ahead and played a little cute-’em-up from Konami called TwinBee, and I remember really enjoying it at the time. The game was a very basic shmup as a whole, giving a bit of a unique twist on how one goes about getting power ups and providing plenty of strange, yet enjoyable enemies to shoot down, but there wasn’t that much more to offer aside from that. Despite this, it was enough to keep me entertained back then as someone who didn’t play that many shmups, but now, it has been almost a year since I have played and reviewed that original game, and something has happened in that timespan…. I have become a shmup fanatic. I have played and reviewed many other games in the genre, and while I haven’t even scratched the surface of what the genre has offered, it is quite clear that I have more experience with them, as well as what makes a great one or a mediocre one. So, now that I have all this “experience” under my belt, I figured it was about time I returned to this series by checking out its second installment, Stinger.

I had actually been wanting to check out this game for a long time, as well as getting back to reviewing TwinBee games as a whole, but I had always put it on the backburner for quite a while. Not really sure why I did this, as I remembered having pretty good memories with the first game, and I figured I would come to enjoy the others, but I dunno, after playing games like Aero Fighters and Thunder Force IV, how exactly do you go back to something like this? Well, I figured I would find that answer out myself, playing through the game finally, and from that experience, I can certainly say that it is, indeed, another TwinBee game. It’s a good time, giving you plenty of what you loved in the original TwinBee while slightly expanding on it, but it definitely isn’t doing anything too crazy or incredible that we haven’t already seen before.

The story is fairly simple to follow and interpret, where one day at Konami HQ, aliens come out of nowhere and suddenly start to destroy the entire place, coming down and kidnapping Dr. Wily before fleeing off towards an unknown location, so it is up to TwinBee, along with his pals WinBee and GwinBee, to set out on a mission to rescue him so that he can save Konami………………… I couldn’t find the official story online, so I had to go with what was shown in the opening cutscene, and, uh, ha ha, CLEARLY it is 100% accurate, and it is the best story of all time. But anyway, the graphics are good, looking pretty much identical to that of the NES port of the original TwinBee, but it is still colorful enough with plenty of goofy enemy designs to where I don’t mind it, the music is also good, but it isn’t anything noteworthy to where I can tell you anything about any of the tracks, as it left my mind pretty quickly, and the gameplay/control is also pretty identical to that of the original game, expanded upon enough to where it does feel like a proper step-up from that original game, but nothing more.

The game is your typical NES cute-’em-up, where you take control of one of the Bees that I mentioned earlier, go through a set of seven different levels through plenty of different environments from the pyramids to the grassy plains and to the far reaches of space, shoot down whatever weird creatures come your way using either your main shots or your unlimited supply of bombs, gather plenty of different power ups from the many bells you can find that can either increase your speed or firepower, and take on plenty of bosses that are also just as weird and out-there as the enemies, but are also pretty easy if you have the right tools equipped for the job. Anyone who played the original TwinBee knows pretty much exactly what to expect from this game, and it does manage to offer several new features for the player to take on and mess around with, but it doesn’t really make the game any more fun or exciting than what had come previously.

When it comes to what has changed from the previous game, this time around, they decided to pull a Life Force and give us not only the top-down levels from the last game, but we also now have horizontally scrolling stages as well, with there not being too much difference between the two other then that one of them has you shooting and throwing bombs down at the same time, which can be helpful in some situations. These levels are pretty fun to play, but they are pretty few and far between compared to the main levels, which does kinda suck, but eh, what can ya do. Not only that, but we have new power ups to mess around with, such as a laser, which, if you know me, is something that I immediately gravitated towards and never let go of for even a fraction of a second, and as I mentioned before, we have boss fights! These aren’t anything too special, especially if you have the glorious LASER, but they can be fun to take down, and have just as goofy and ridiculous designs as the enemies in the game. Although, not gonna lie, I didn’t need the seizure that the game keeps wanting to give me before each fight, you can take that back home with you.

Other than all that though, what you see is what you get with this game, as it doesn’t do much of anything else to excite or entrance the player. It makes sense, given that this is a shooter from the 80s, but if you weren’t a fan of the original game, then you most likely aren’t gonna be a fan of this one either, because it sticks way too closely to its roots to be anything more grand or exciting. Kind of seems to be a running theme with Konami shmup sequels, since I have played so many Gradius games at this point. But hey, if you don’t mind a little simplicity here and there, then by all means, go for it, and if you have two friends nearby that have nothing better to do, have them join the game as well for some good ol’ fashioned fun.

Overall, despite the lack of any major change, Stinger is still a good shmup at the end of the day, and a natural evolution for the TwinBee series as a whole, adding just enough to where it does feel like an upgrade to the previous game, while still keeping the main gameplay and charm of the original intact. I would recommend it for those who were fans of the original TwinBee, as well as those who are fans of shmups in general, but for everyone else, there are definitely plenty of better options out there that you could choose from instead. But either way, I am just glad to finally get this game out of the way, and now that I am back, I guess I will have to check out the rest of the games at some point in the future. It’ll go right alongside Gradius as the series that I will never shut the fuck up about, despite having covered over a dozen games from it at this point… I think.

Game #571

An eight year old and the weird creature that may or may not be threatening him commit crimes against existence by building abominations of modern science. You can try to build normal animals, but eventually you WILL either slip, become curious, or reach a point in progression, and you will make a beast that cries for you to kill it.

It's coated with an extremely cute and strange veneer, the music is charming, the map makes sense, and the built in dual-language text is a huge blessing. It's more a toy than a game, with the gameplay becoming incredibly repetitive well before the credits roll. But it is INTERESTING. Which is always the bigger sell to me.

"Do you think God stays in heaven because he too lives in fear of what he's created?"

As I stated in my Kazooie review, I replayed the game two times back in September of 2023. With Kazooie, that doesn't seem too crazy because it's about half the length of Tooie. However, I also replayed this game twice as well. And with it being twice as long, or maybe even longer for some people, as Kazooie? Seems a bit nuts right? Well, I really went Banjo crazy that month because after beating both games once, I couldn't stop thinking about them which led to me replaying them again right away. The thing is, that whole time I couldn't stop thinking about playing them again...I was thinking about Tooie pretty much. I don't know what happened to me because I went from thinking this game was just decent and definitely worse than Kazooie, to thinking it was amazing and super addicting and better than Kazooie overall. After replaying both games yet again, do I still think this? Probably, tho it's a bit complicated.

If you played Kazooie prior, the first thing you'll notice with Tooie is just how much Banjo and Kazooie's moveset has improved. The roll attack lasts longer, is more mobile and has a nice visual of Kazooie shielding Banjo. The normal attack you perform by standing still, which before was a simple claw move by Banjo, is now replaced by a more effective stationary rat-a-tat rap. The swimming is now WAY better naturally and doesn't require you to hold the R button for it to be good. In fact I don't think the R button does anything when swimming lol. You can now flip-flap directly out of a talon trot. When you do a beak buster, you can now move forward while you're doing rather than staying in place. This change can actually lead to some exploits you can perform too which is rad. These along with some non move-set changes like how whenever you speed up the text it makes the characters talk faster and doesn't pitch up their voices (which was an issue I had forgot to mention in Kazooie), the camera is slower but smoother to use and is overall an improvement, Banjo's backpack animates now when he walks and something about it is incredibly satisfying to me idk why, and the biggest thing is now notes don't get reset when you die (for a reason I'll get into later). All of these improvements drastically enhance the basic gameplay and I honestly miss a ton of these whenever I go back to Kazooie.

That's all fine and dandy, but how about new moves? Well, Tooie's got you covered because it's got like double the amount of moves in Kazooie. The biggest addition is the split-up mechanic. Now you can play as Banjo and Kazooie separately which makes for some clever puzzles. Each singular character gets their own specific moves and while Kazooie's are generally really fun, Banjo's are mostly situational. Kazooie's consist of moves that aren't as context-specific like the ability to glide on her own, her own backflip that's better than the normal one, and the ability to hatch eggs which gets used quite a bit. Banjo's however, besides the first one that lets him pick up and move objects which can lead to some fun puzzles, aren't used that much. He has an ability that let's him recover HP which is nice but only gets used a couple times overall and isn't as helpful as you think because lives aren't an issue anymore. I actually forgot to say they don't exist anymore and it's actually better to die sometimes because it respawns you at the last split-ip bad/beginning of the world which can work in your favor. But anyways, his other two abilities which let him go in dangerous liquids and the other let's him go in his backpack like a burlap sack to cross dangerous obstacles, just aren't used much and are incredibly situational. They all feel pretty samey too unlike Kazooie's, so overall I'd say Kazooie had the better new moves overall. This isn't even getting into all the new moves they both got together. There's 4 new egg types: Fire, Grenade, Ice and Clockwork. All have various uses and are fun additions. There are two new shoes, the claw clamber boots and the springy step shoes. The springy step shoes feel a little derivative because of the jump pads but they're still cool. The claw clamber boots however let you walk on designated parts of walls and it's awesome. There's the bill drill which is also kind of situational but is super satisfying to use. You can now fire eggs in first-person, which can be a little tricky at first with the N64 joystick but is also fun. Because of this, the game also added egg shooting in the air and water when going in first-person mode. The first-person shooting also leads into this FPS mode where you use Kazooie as a gun, certainly riding on the success of Goldeneye, and they can be super fun as well. All of these additions, plus the split-up stuff just really add to their whole move set and makes traversing through worlds a ton of fun.

Speaking of the worlds in this game, they're overall a lot bigger than Kazooie's. The first couple are kinda comparable in size to the first game's but by the time you get to Terrydactyland, they become just massive in size. You'd think this would be super annoying compared to Kazooie, but the game added warp pads that can warp you all over the level. These are the reason I never found the game tedious, if the game didn't have them or if they were awful like DK 64's warps, then the game would be way worse than it is. Anyways, the world's are much bigger in size and there's a lot more things you can do in each world. Though, overall there are less collectables because notes are now in bundles of 5 and 20. So overall the game has less of a focus on tons of collectables like the notes and more of a focus on the jiggys themselves. Jiggy's require way more steps than they did in Kazooie and this turns a lot of people off of the game. A bit understandable but the game is clearly trying to be more of a slower paced adventure platformer rather than Kazooie's brisk pace. I like both approaches but when it comes to Tooie's unique world themes like a run-down amusement park, a dinosaur world and a combined fire and ice world, I definitely prefer just how creative Tooie gets.

I mentioned how Jiggy's take longer to get because more steps are involved, and that's partly because of Mumbo Jumbo and Humba Wumba. In this game, Humba is the one that transforms you and Mumbo is actually a playable character. It greatly depends on the world but overall, I think this is a fun change. Mumbo has a very basic moveset compared to BK but his whole deal is using his magic on specific Mumbo pads. This is incredibly situational ofc and depending on the world it can be a bit tedious, but it can also lead to some interesting puzzles where you have to switch back and forth between BK and Mumbo. Same thing with Humba, sometimes you actually have to switch between Mumbo and then the Humba transformation. Mostly in the later levels do they make these portions kinda puzzling. In terms of everything new they added, this is probably the weakest addition just because it can lead to some tedium, I'll admit that, however I personally never had much of an issue with it tho I also have the whole game memorized at this point so take that as you will.

Besides all that, one of my absolute favorite additions was the fact a lot of the world's are interconnected. Early on, you'll help this mayan cat character out in recovering this idol. Well, you obtain it from this caveman in a weird looking cave and bring it back to him. That's strange though, you're in a world called Mayahem Temple and you just saw a caveman. What gives? Well it turns out, you just entered Terrydactyland when you did that, the aformentioned dinosaur world. This happens a lot in this game where you'll briefly cross over from one world into another or even unlock paths to directly travel between each one. The most memorable one is where you have to feed a different tribe of (good) cavemen this time, and to do so, you unlock a shortcut between Terrydactyland and WitchyWorld. You pick up some burgers from this one character, use the claw clamber boots you get from Grunty Industries and walk along the wall to feed them. All these working parts and interconnectivity just make the world feel alive and I love it.

I mentioned how you had to get the claw clamber boots from Grunty Industries, which is world 6, and use them for a jiggy in Terrydactyland which is world 5. Banjo Kazooie did this exact same thing only once, where you had to backtrack with an ability from another world. Tooie does this way more often and because of that and the interconnectivity of the world, it kind of feels like a 3D metroidvania at points which is awesome. Anyways, people seem to have an issue with backtracking in this game and I don't get it. The more complex jiggy's I understand, but the backtracking is not required as there's enough jiggy's in the game for you to beat the final boss. And even then, there really aren't that many backtracking jiggy's in general. Maybe like 12 or 13 of the 90 jiggy's require backtracking I think? Either way I think that complaint is majorly overblown and is not an issue at all to me, again the Mumbo and Humba stuff I can understand but backtracking to old levels with future abilities? Never even crossed my mind as an issue.

Something else this game added was a boss for every world and they're all really fun. Some are better than others, Lord Woo Fak Fak for example is probably the worst, but I really like how almost every single one of them are large in scope. They really feel menacing even if some of them are pathetically easy.

The game is also way funnier and a lot more cynical in general which I dig. Kazooie was both of these things as well but Tooie cranks it up to the max. The game literally starts off with Bottles dying and Kazooie going "well, he wasnt the most popular character anyways". The game is just full of this tongue-in cheese cynicism. The cast of side characters is not only WAY larger, they're more distinct and memorable just because the dialogue is so much better. There's literally an immigration joke when BK have to help some actual aliens, it's amazing. I think this, plus the interconnected worlds and more unique world themes, are THE main things I like over Kazooie. That plus the improved move set ofc.
The OST is again wondeful just like the first game, but instead of being upbeat, catchy tunes..Grant went for a more atmospheric darker ost this time around. Because worlds are much larger and take more time to beat, I think this change is for the better since the music track won't get old at all. Some of my favorite songs were Grunty Industries, Weldar's Theme and Mr Patch's Theme.

Yes I know two of those are from Grunty Industries. I honestly don't get the hate at all for that world. Something like Terrydactyland I can get, even if I still like it, because it's a massive world with empty space in a lot of it. However, Grunty Industries is a complex, zelda dungeon-like world and it's amazingly designed. I guess if you went into Tooie expecting it to just be like Kazooie, you'd hate it however it's very fun to explore and again super well-designed. It's not even that easy to get lost imo, it's a multi-layered world with distinct set-pieces rather than a super large open world. Sorry for the rant, I just don't get Grunty Industries hate lol. Something I did end up feeling a tiny bit sour on this time around was Hailfire Peaks. I still really like that world, and think the theming is awesome. However the fire side is a little too big for its bridges I will admit and the lag gets really bad sometimes there. The game can get laggy throughout portions of the game, which is only a thing on the N64 version, but there especially it's pretty bad.

One more thing before I mention the endgame and close out the review, is Canary Mary. Canary Mary has methods that make her very doable but she's still easily the worst part of the game and the only part I straight up dislike and dread doing. Her first button mashing races in Glittergulch Mine are perfectly fine. Her races in Cloud CuckooLand tho are insane. If you aren't doing the pause trick, idk how it's humenaly possible to win without using a turbo controller or something. The 2nd race isn't as bad because you can stay near her until the very end and then button mash to hell to pass her right before she can catch up. These races are easily doable with the right methods but the fact you have to do them this way, it just stinks man. But luckily this is only for 100% and only a tiny portion of the actual game so it's not the worst thing in the world.

I talked about a lot of improvements this game has over Kazooie. If there's one thing Kazooie destroys Tooie on however, it's the quiz section and final boss. Gone is the charming board game aesthetic of Kazooie, now you have a typical game show-esque quiz game where you have to answer enough questions to beat Grunty's sisters. It's not bad but it pales in comparison to Kazooie's version as it's less charming and even has less question types. Yeah, I won't miss the Gruntilda specific questions but no sound/music quizzes? That's kinda lame. Again, it's not bad and is only disappointing when compared to Kazooie. The final boss is also not nearly as good as Kazooie's. Is the Hag 1 harder? Most definitely but it's not as memorable as the Gruntilda fight from Kazooie and isn't as fun. It's a solid fight overall but compared to Kazooie's, just a bit lackluster.

So do I like Tooie more than Kazooie? In many ways, hell yes. It improves on many things like the duo's moveset, the writing is way funnier and the interconnectivity between worlds felt like a logical step to take after Kazooie. It may have the weaker end boss and quiz show, it's definitely and easier game to replay/100% and the Canary Mary rematch race is the worst thing between both games, however I'm still feeling like I may like this just slightly more than Kazooie just because of how ambitious and fun it is. It's kinda like Mario Galaxy 1 and 2 where each game has is own strengths over the other and it's just hard to choose what's better. Either way, it's still a 10/10 like the first game and one of my favorite games ever now. Easily in my top 3 N64 games, alongside the first game and Majora's Mask of course. Either way, if you see people saying you shouldn't play this game after you've beaten Kazooie. Don't listen to them, give this a try and you might fall become infatuated with it like I have.

This Banjo double feature was fun but I reckon it's time to play some Kirby again. Stay tuned for a Dreamland 2 review coming soon!

Throughout my many years of playing games from Sega’s lineup of consoles, the one console that I have little to zero experience with whatsoever would be the Sega Saturn. I have played some games from the system, such as Nights Into Dreams and maaaaaaaaaaaaybe Sonic R, even though I’m not sure if that’s a real game, but aside from those two, I have had zero experience with any Sega Saturn exclusive games whatsoever. It is a shame too, considering that from what I have seen, it looks like there are a lot of quality games for the system, ones that probably don’t reach the same quality as many other games of the era, but enough to where anyone who owned the system could definitely get their money’s worth from a nice selection of titles to choose from. So, I figured it is about time that I dip my toes further into the pool that is the Sega Saturn library, starting with a game that was a launch title for the system for us Americans, Clockwork Knight.

I have never played this game or it’s sequel before, but I have known about them for quite a while, seeing them being played on some YouTube channels that I have been subscribed to over the years. It looked charming enough with its toy-themed setting, and it did look short enough to where I could get through it in one afternoon, so I figured “Why the hell not?”, and I did blaze through it in that same afternoon, finding a charming and fun game that… doesn’t really do that much. It is a solid platformer all throughout for the most part, and it does the job that it is supposed to do, but there are definitely plenty of other titles that were out around this time that could do what this game did a whole lot better.

The story is fairly standard for a game like this, where in a seemingly average household at midnight, all of the toys in the house are brought to life by the voice of lovely Clockwork Fairy Princess Chelsea, and everybody goes about their merry way as a result, but suddenly, she is kidnapped by an unknown and mysterious force, so it is up to Sir Tongara de Pepperoucha III, or just Pepper, to set out on a journey to rescue her and stop her vile kidnapper, which is all presented in a charming, yet understandably terrifying, intro cutscene, which does give the story much more charm despite how generic it is. The graphics are pretty good, using pre-rendered sprites for the characters and enemies like Donkey Kong Country, and mixing them together with 3D polygonal environments, all of which blend together pretty well, despite it obviously looking dated, the music is pretty good, having plenty of enjoyable tunes to listen to throughout your journey, and the gameplay/control is pretty standard for a 2D platformer, but it all works out pretty well, and you can get a handle on things with no problem whatsoever.

The game is a 2D action platformer, where you take control of Pepper, go through four different worlds, each with two levels and a boss, all themed around different toys and other objects and places you would find in an average house, go through many different platforming challenges while taking out plenty of enemies using your trusty keyblade weapon (wait a minute…), gather plenty of different coins, health upgrades and pickups, and extra lives to give you an advantage for what comes up ahead later down the road, and take on several boss fights that range from being piss easy to mildly annoying, all for the purpose of saving the one girl who is responsible for your entire existence. It’s the same song and dance you have seen time and time again, with very little to make it stand out amongst other titles, but again, it does manage to still be fun for the time it lasts, and its simplicity does help make it more appealing for those like myself who were looking for something to play from the console as an introduction.

Given that this was a launch title for the Sega Saturn (for us Americans, anyway), it is important for the game to not only be fun, but to also show off some of the things that the system was capable of, and while it doesn’t push the system to its limits, it does a good job at showing some of the things it can do. There are plenty of different cutscenes throughout the game, showing the characters animated with a CG style, and while nowadays these cutscenes look terrifying just from the toy designs alone, I imagine this must’ve looked really impressive back in the day. Not only that, but once again, the pre-rendered sprites for the characters and enemies mesh together really well with the 3D environments, and the main gameplay style is familiar enough for those who owned plenty of other well-known titles for the Sega Genesis, being able to bring them into this new generation smoothly without anything too crazy or intimidating getting in the way.

With all that being said though, from the lens of a modern-day player like myself, there isn’t much else the game has going for it other then that. It is a very basic platformer, where ya run, ya jump, ya grab the shiny objects, ya save the girl, ya drill these guys in the ass with your keyblade, we all know how it goes. It manages to do everything right, and it feels good to play, but at the same time, it doesn’t go out of its way to really shake things up or do anything crazy, which leads it to being somewhat generic as a result. Not to mention, the game is REALLY short, only having eight main levels and five bosses, all of which can be beaten fairly quickly if you know what you are doing, which is definitely a letdown. If only there was maybe one or two more worlds with more fleshed out mechanics, as well as possibly adding one or two more levels to the already existing worlds, then maybe this would feel like a complete package, but as it stands, it does feel like it ends too quickly once you beat the final boss, leaving you wanting a little more.

Overall, despite how basic and short the game is, Clockwork Knight manages to not only do a good job at being a launch title for the Sega Saturn, but also for being just an all around enjoyable platformer, full of plenty of platforming challenges for those that are fans of the genre, an impressive visual style and graphics for the time, and having a sense of charm to it that does make it much more appealing as a result. I would definitely recommend it for those who are looking for something to play on the system, or for those who are just fans of 90s platformers in general, because while this isn’t the meatiest one of the bunch, it should provide a good amount of fun and leaves you satisfied by the end of it all. Although, speaking of which, it does kinda suck that it ends on a cliffhanger of all things, which really paints a picture of what they are trying to do. “Aw, you wanna know what happens to Chelsea? Well, you can certainly find out, for a small $60 fee, thank you very much…”

Game #570