MMK
2023
Extremely unserious game where random stuff happens because it’s cool. I’ll be honest, it was a bit jarring going from RE2:Remake (the only other Resident Evil game I’ve played) to this, especially since I thought the survival horror aspects were the best parts of that game, but I had a great time after getting into it and embracing the goofiness.
I like how they specifically went out of their way to make Leon be the lamest cool guy of all time. Like, check this shit out. Why did he do that.
Action games are an inherently silly medium. I personally really don't enjoy that whole ultra-realism thing a lot of newer games are trying to pull off. It's cool that RDR2 has your horse's balls shrink in cold weather or whatever, but too much realism is clunky, because real life is clunky and badly designed. Let me have fun!
"Press E to do a cool backflip", "Climb a ladder to get invincibility frames and dodge an attack" and "Literally just get a rocket launcher and instakill the final boss" might sound like pretty stupid concepts, but who cares, they're sick.
As I said, I haven't played the original RE4. I don't know what's new or what's changed, so I can't add anything to that discussion, but I had a blast playing this. Huge props for making an "escort mission" actually fun. I genuinely missed not having Ashley around when she got taken away.
Some random nitpicks off the dome:
- Surely there are more possible sidequest ideas than "kill 4 rats for the sixth time".
- The soundtrack is a mixed bag. Nickelback ass credits song, made me chuckle.
- Saddler is boring. Wish he had more than 2 zeptoseconds of screentime.
Another anecdote to wrap things up: I played this on a laptop because I'm insane, and had a chocolate bar on my table about half a meter away from the exhaust vent. Motherfucker got pulverized.
Worth it to see every pore on the Regenerador's asscheeks in crystal clear HD though.
I like how they specifically went out of their way to make Leon be the lamest cool guy of all time. Like, check this shit out. Why did he do that.
Action games are an inherently silly medium. I personally really don't enjoy that whole ultra-realism thing a lot of newer games are trying to pull off. It's cool that RDR2 has your horse's balls shrink in cold weather or whatever, but too much realism is clunky, because real life is clunky and badly designed. Let me have fun!
"Press E to do a cool backflip", "Climb a ladder to get invincibility frames and dodge an attack" and "Literally just get a rocket launcher and instakill the final boss" might sound like pretty stupid concepts, but who cares, they're sick.
As I said, I haven't played the original RE4. I don't know what's new or what's changed, so I can't add anything to that discussion, but I had a blast playing this. Huge props for making an "escort mission" actually fun. I genuinely missed not having Ashley around when she got taken away.
Some random nitpicks off the dome:
- Surely there are more possible sidequest ideas than "kill 4 rats for the sixth time".
- The soundtrack is a mixed bag. Nickelback ass credits song, made me chuckle.
- Saddler is boring. Wish he had more than 2 zeptoseconds of screentime.
Another anecdote to wrap things up: I played this on a laptop because I'm insane, and had a chocolate bar on my table about half a meter away from the exhaust vent. Motherfucker got pulverized.
Worth it to see every pore on the Regenerador's asscheeks in crystal clear HD though.
2021
Don't get tricked by the cute exterior, this is one of the most infuriating games ever conceived.
Essentially a slot machine that tricks you into thinking it's more skill than luck because you'll see the community throwing around fancy words like "current meta" and "viable build".
Trying to have fun with the billion different pets the game provides you with? Get fucked nerd, "The Wet Aunties" summon a 50/50 Rhinoceros that one-shots your entire squad. Back to the mosquito dimension with you.
It doesn't even feel good to win, since it usually ends just before you finally manage to create a satisfying team.
File under "Games that are actually just fidget toys for when you want to listen to a podcast" along with Vampire Survivors and all that other brain slop.
Essentially a slot machine that tricks you into thinking it's more skill than luck because you'll see the community throwing around fancy words like "current meta" and "viable build".
Trying to have fun with the billion different pets the game provides you with? Get fucked nerd, "The Wet Aunties" summon a 50/50 Rhinoceros that one-shots your entire squad. Back to the mosquito dimension with you.
It doesn't even feel good to win, since it usually ends just before you finally manage to create a satisfying team.
File under "Games that are actually just fidget toys for when you want to listen to a podcast" along with Vampire Survivors and all that other brain slop.
2024
It's a pretty solid metroidvania that's very reminiscent of Nifflas' early work like Within a Deep Forest, but doing the post-game (which is actually like 80% of gameplay) feels like the video game equivalent of playing ping pong with a boomerang.
There was a certain point in the egg hunt portion of the game where my brain was constantly replaying that Far Cry 3 Vaas quote - you know the one - on repeat, as I traversed the same fuckass dog and bear sections of the map for the billionth time, trying to see if I didn't miss some three pixels of diggable dirt.
It's a weird balance of a game that's way too short and a post-game that's way too long for its own good. You might say: "well, that's the point", and in that case, guess I'm just not the biggest fan of the idea. A big part of the game is "unpeeling the layers" or whatever, but every time I did that, it mostly just meant that I had to go through the entire map again.
That being said, I absolutely adore the art and sound design and the overall creepy atmosphere of everything. The items are a lot of fun to play with - especially the bubble wand. Really brave of a metroidvania to basically give you a free "fuck it - skip everything, break every puzzle, I dare you"-kind of item that's so easy to exploit, so early into the game.
There was a certain point in the egg hunt portion of the game where my brain was constantly replaying that Far Cry 3 Vaas quote - you know the one - on repeat, as I traversed the same fuckass dog and bear sections of the map for the billionth time, trying to see if I didn't miss some three pixels of diggable dirt.
It's a weird balance of a game that's way too short and a post-game that's way too long for its own good. You might say: "well, that's the point", and in that case, guess I'm just not the biggest fan of the idea. A big part of the game is "unpeeling the layers" or whatever, but every time I did that, it mostly just meant that I had to go through the entire map again.
That being said, I absolutely adore the art and sound design and the overall creepy atmosphere of everything. The items are a lot of fun to play with - especially the bubble wand. Really brave of a metroidvania to basically give you a free "fuck it - skip everything, break every puzzle, I dare you"-kind of item that's so easy to exploit, so early into the game.
2019
I'm actually angry at myself for not fully getting the love for this. I like puzzle games, I like space shit, I love the visuals and music, but I just couldn't take anything away from this other than "Game where you follow breadcrumbs from point A to point B and the Sun explodes every 22 minutes". It's like competitive Excel spreadsheet navigation.
I'm not sure whether that's because it's simply not for me, or if I somehow managed to bullshit my way into the most unsatisfying non-linear path imaginable. I definitely know I did a bunch of important stuff way too early, because most of the lore I was finding later down the line made me go like "Yeah, I know. I already did that."
My biggest actual problem is that I didn't find most of the game fun to explore. There was some devious trickster game design decision to make the most important places where you have to go a bunch of times also the most unfun and annoying to traverse. Ember Twin sand tunnels with the Super Smash Bros Melee Marth grab-range ass cacti hitboxes. Please no. Why do you have to contain like 1/3rd of all content in this game.
But hey, even despite all of my complaints, can I really say I didn't like this game if I already have like 30 tabs of Wikipedia space stuff loaded up after finishing it? Hmm yes, time to study the ultimate fate of the Universe. False vacuum decay, how fascinating.
I'm not sure whether that's because it's simply not for me, or if I somehow managed to bullshit my way into the most unsatisfying non-linear path imaginable. I definitely know I did a bunch of important stuff way too early, because most of the lore I was finding later down the line made me go like "Yeah, I know. I already did that."
My biggest actual problem is that I didn't find most of the game fun to explore. There was some devious trickster game design decision to make the most important places where you have to go a bunch of times also the most unfun and annoying to traverse. Ember Twin sand tunnels with the Super Smash Bros Melee Marth grab-range ass cacti hitboxes. Please no. Why do you have to contain like 1/3rd of all content in this game.
But hey, even despite all of my complaints, can I really say I didn't like this game if I already have like 30 tabs of Wikipedia space stuff loaded up after finishing it? Hmm yes, time to study the ultimate fate of the Universe. False vacuum decay, how fascinating.
1994
When faced with the age-old dilemma of either making the camera 200% zoomed-in to showcase off the 3D spritework, or making the camera normal so you don't get a hernia from the piranhas flying at you at Mach 2 speeds, the developers at Rare said "Fuck them kids" and made the camera 300% zoomed-in, then proceeded to not even attempt to design the levels in a way that compensates for that.
The quality of this game therefore fluctuates between "Best platformer on the SNES" and "Dumb monkey game", based on the "(annoying level + distance from save point)/2 - soundtrack quality" mathematical formula, known in the scientific circles as the Kong-centration Theorem.
Some other random thoughts:
• The animal pals are great and all, but I wish they'd give you more space to play around with them. Somebody on the team really hated that ostrich guy, because I swear that every level the dude's in is specifically designed to hard-counter his ability.
• Everybody rightfully praises the soundtrack, but I also really love the sound design in general. Every sound, from the Kremling AUGH death sound to the CLANG of the minecart is just perfect.
• I could get married and have seven children by the time Donkey Kong's barrel throw animation finishes.
The quality of this game therefore fluctuates between "Best platformer on the SNES" and "Dumb monkey game", based on the "(annoying level + distance from save point)/2 - soundtrack quality" mathematical formula, known in the scientific circles as the Kong-centration Theorem.
Some other random thoughts:
• The animal pals are great and all, but I wish they'd give you more space to play around with them. Somebody on the team really hated that ostrich guy, because I swear that every level the dude's in is specifically designed to hard-counter his ability.
• Everybody rightfully praises the soundtrack, but I also really love the sound design in general. Every sound, from the Kremling AUGH death sound to the CLANG of the minecart is just perfect.
• I could get married and have seven children by the time Donkey Kong's barrel throw animation finishes.