MaxyBee
A quick diversion from the mainline Mega Man games for the GB series, which if this first entry is any indication is just... fine. Okay. Some neat presentation for the weapon get screen and the approach of Wily's castle. Some... nope, that's it. It's okay. I like how it picks four robot masters each from Mega Man 1 and Mega Man 2 respectively. I like the little extra boss and the reflector power-up it grants. That's it. It's fine. Rolling Cutter is absurdly powerful. The uh... the disappearing platform sections feel less cheap than in the mainline... Jesus this game is insubstantive. But, ultimately, inoffensive.
Hard to review, but I deserve to do a brief one now and then.
Hard to review, but I deserve to do a brief one now and then.
It’s funny how well the older material in this has aged, and more so how much the new material maintains the spirit of the thing. Absolutely adored this, glad to have come back to Stanley and The Narrator, and had an amazing time. It’s just good video games, you know?
Absolute garbage. Barely playable at times, clumsy to control, painfully short, and with some truly woeful voice acting, albeit still miraculous as it is actually Brosnan, which is worth something in 1999.
But.
It’s kind of fun. Tiny micro-levels you spurt through, playing a Bond almost pathologically incapable of stealth or turning corners, blowing away enemies with their own assault rifles (the only viable strategy most levels), desperately trying to conserve lives before any stage with a boss encounter, terrifying bullet sponges that can tear you apart in seconds. But by your third Bond or so they’re down, and you’re onto the next wild thing, be it a dizzying and clumsily made ski section, a short car sequence where you just hold fire and hope for the best, or the game’s one true gem, a level where you circle around a small village, not killing civillians and hunting out a rocket launcher so you can show a bunch of turrets what’s what.
Sometimes wallowing in garbage isn’t so bad. That’s why bachelors exist, after all.
But.
It’s kind of fun. Tiny micro-levels you spurt through, playing a Bond almost pathologically incapable of stealth or turning corners, blowing away enemies with their own assault rifles (the only viable strategy most levels), desperately trying to conserve lives before any stage with a boss encounter, terrifying bullet sponges that can tear you apart in seconds. But by your third Bond or so they’re down, and you’re onto the next wild thing, be it a dizzying and clumsily made ski section, a short car sequence where you just hold fire and hope for the best, or the game’s one true gem, a level where you circle around a small village, not killing civillians and hunting out a rocket launcher so you can show a bunch of turrets what’s what.
Sometimes wallowing in garbage isn’t so bad. That’s why bachelors exist, after all.
Really this should lose points for me having to generate three seeds before I got one I was skilled enough to complete, but that was (probably) a skill issue, so I’ll let it pass.
Personal advice is to keep sword and morph ball set to early, just to keep the two most frustrating issues resolved, and to download a copy of the seed info for if you get truly stumped on where one of the two most essential items are (varia suit and lamp). Beyond that, just go wild. Zelda becomes an exciting open adventure where you’re tearing your brain apart trying to remember where every chest is, to the point of going from noble hero to a manic treasure hunter. Super Metroid transforms from sequential exploration of areas unlocked by abilities to the game everyone already treats it as, this perfect set of sequence breaks and clever workarounds so that you can get anywhere at all, and scrabble a reward or two out of some truly wibbly acrobatics.
You will, by the way, become an expert at wall jumping this way. I never had to in the original, so wiring that split second timing between direction and jump button deep into my brain sent me straight back to the high single digits, age-wise, marvelling at strange space creatures trying to teach me something I couldn’t quite understand.
The team who built this randomiser deserve all the love in the world, especially for the aesthetic choices available for your characters. I opted for Mega Man X in both settings because I’m a huge mark for the blue bomber, but knowing you can be Sans Undertale is a nice feeling.
An essential game to play for fans of either game, and I’m delighted I got through it.
Now to play it again and again on different seeds. Maybe I’ll suck it up and let the sword and morph ball be wherever.
Personal advice is to keep sword and morph ball set to early, just to keep the two most frustrating issues resolved, and to download a copy of the seed info for if you get truly stumped on where one of the two most essential items are (varia suit and lamp). Beyond that, just go wild. Zelda becomes an exciting open adventure where you’re tearing your brain apart trying to remember where every chest is, to the point of going from noble hero to a manic treasure hunter. Super Metroid transforms from sequential exploration of areas unlocked by abilities to the game everyone already treats it as, this perfect set of sequence breaks and clever workarounds so that you can get anywhere at all, and scrabble a reward or two out of some truly wibbly acrobatics.
You will, by the way, become an expert at wall jumping this way. I never had to in the original, so wiring that split second timing between direction and jump button deep into my brain sent me straight back to the high single digits, age-wise, marvelling at strange space creatures trying to teach me something I couldn’t quite understand.
The team who built this randomiser deserve all the love in the world, especially for the aesthetic choices available for your characters. I opted for Mega Man X in both settings because I’m a huge mark for the blue bomber, but knowing you can be Sans Undertale is a nice feeling.
An essential game to play for fans of either game, and I’m delighted I got through it.
Now to play it again and again on different seeds. Maybe I’ll suck it up and let the sword and morph ball be wherever.
Not as good as I remembered. Does too many things, all too briefly, and using the Bond music cue for every time you do a Bond-like action wears super thin real quick. Definitely novel coming back to an era when things like standard dual analog controls weren’t ironed out, though.
2013
This review contains spoilers
This feels like the emblem of a certain age, which feels appropriate for something that came some 8 years into its generation. It's Uncharted, it's Assassin's Creed, it's Gears of War, it's inexplicably still Tomb Raider despite this, it has a needless multiplayer mode, it has a definitive edition with a face change and downloadable content. It has a distinct ludonarrative dissonance. It isn't very colourful and falls apart in the final stretch, because of glitches and a rushed finish. Quick-time events up the arse. RPG/upgrade mechanics. Special editions and retailer-exclusive bonuses. The only way it could be more emblematic of the seventh generation of video games is if it had fucking some sort of needless motion control in it. Which... I mean I played this on deck, no guarantee it didn't have some basic gyro on ps3 or something.
To be so emblematic of its generation isn't in itself a bad thing. The game is good. I mean... outside the multiplayer, I'm too cool to waste my life trying that out, but that aside the game is eminently playable, with some fantastic feeling mechanics, such as the near-perfect strain of the bow, or the nice chunky shotgun. The platforming (arguably the most crucial thing to get right) is fun, despite a weird magnetism to Lara that flings her across to the nearest bright white object at any given moment. You forgive a lot when the scramble of Lara across a map is still zippy and does (largely) what you want it to do.
Story's a big pile of wank. Bunch of arseholes I don't care about making stupid decisions all the time, with a clunky selection of mentor, obvious villain, nerd, angry woman, chunky kiwi, and lesbian life partner that feel less cookie cutter and more like someone trying to drearily recreate the shape of a cookie cutter by tearing at the dough. They're just boring box-ticking exercises for what you'd expect from a AAA game of the time, or a mid-budget action flick of the time.
There is a villain. He's Salazar from Resident Evil 4, as played by a mercenary who didn't quite know how to play the part. There are other men of various sizes available throughout. At one point a large man immune to headshots appeared, and I can't even remember if we knew about him beforehand. He felt important, but wasn't exactly a thrilling boss fight.
Despite this, the scenarios feel pretty good. Lara's big murder journey around the island is a thrilling jump from location to location, usually with a chaotic and irreversible sequence pushing you between them. Her transformation from hesitant murder machine to resolute murder machine is great to follow. It's just the characters surrounding Lara that let it down.
So what, where is this going? Do I like it? Yeah, to about the measure of three stars. Would I recommend it? Yeah, if you like finding trinkets and killing people until a bunch of things say 100%. It satisfies in that regard. Just don't expect anything different to anything else that had come along that generation.
Oh, it has inexplicable quick travel, too.
To be so emblematic of its generation isn't in itself a bad thing. The game is good. I mean... outside the multiplayer, I'm too cool to waste my life trying that out, but that aside the game is eminently playable, with some fantastic feeling mechanics, such as the near-perfect strain of the bow, or the nice chunky shotgun. The platforming (arguably the most crucial thing to get right) is fun, despite a weird magnetism to Lara that flings her across to the nearest bright white object at any given moment. You forgive a lot when the scramble of Lara across a map is still zippy and does (largely) what you want it to do.
Story's a big pile of wank. Bunch of arseholes I don't care about making stupid decisions all the time, with a clunky selection of mentor, obvious villain, nerd, angry woman, chunky kiwi, and lesbian life partner that feel less cookie cutter and more like someone trying to drearily recreate the shape of a cookie cutter by tearing at the dough. They're just boring box-ticking exercises for what you'd expect from a AAA game of the time, or a mid-budget action flick of the time.
There is a villain. He's Salazar from Resident Evil 4, as played by a mercenary who didn't quite know how to play the part. There are other men of various sizes available throughout. At one point a large man immune to headshots appeared, and I can't even remember if we knew about him beforehand. He felt important, but wasn't exactly a thrilling boss fight.
Despite this, the scenarios feel pretty good. Lara's big murder journey around the island is a thrilling jump from location to location, usually with a chaotic and irreversible sequence pushing you between them. Her transformation from hesitant murder machine to resolute murder machine is great to follow. It's just the characters surrounding Lara that let it down.
So what, where is this going? Do I like it? Yeah, to about the measure of three stars. Would I recommend it? Yeah, if you like finding trinkets and killing people until a bunch of things say 100%. It satisfies in that regard. Just don't expect anything different to anything else that had come along that generation.
Oh, it has inexplicable quick travel, too.
This review contains spoilers
This review is based on a single playthrough, wherein I:
- met 8 of the girls, 6 of which I got into tokimeki state by the end
- focused mostly on athletics
- ended up with Nozomi Kiyokawa
- failed to get a 2nd rate job
- did not have a single bomb go off during my run
With these sorts of romance games it feels disingenuous to try for other routes, so I think it's probably important to break down how things went in comparison to other reviewers' runs.
This is an interesting game to play, having seen Tim Rogers' lengthy review of the playstation version, and knowing that a greater version (multiple versions, even) is out in the world. The work on this SNES port (and the fan-translation itself) is really impressive, but a small part of me know that what I really want is a more advanced version with voice acting and a scrolling background that moves smoother than the one in this.
Mechanically it's neat, reminding of everything from simgirl to dark souls to an excel spreadsheet. Put numbers in, do better. Simple. Use the phone to go on dates, gather information, or pester the rich kid. So far, so simple, though a lapse in memory meant I forgot how to get girls' numbers in this, which could have been fatal. I enjoyed how certain scenes and girls are locked behind combinations of different numbers, though them usually being numbers that go up together kind of made it feel a bit arbritrary, which... I mean it kind of is. If you know the numbers you want you're basically just committing to a goal and waiting for scenes to break up the monotony.
The scenes are good, though. Walks home, special occasions, and hall bumpings happen automatically, but dates require you to organise them, and to choose options that won't fuck off your date. The dates are cute, and the second you realise that there are special scenes if you take the right girl to the right place at the right time they suddenly become the main attraction. Of COURSE I want to take Nozomi bowling in Winter so she can fucking kill me with an errant ball. Yes I want to feel vaguely guilty when Shiori reminds me of childhood adventures that make us feel fated, all while I treat her as largely tertiary. And yes, I want to see Yujari get a wet t-shirt, or so the game has decided. They're all sweet moments, and hunting them out actually makes it way easier to stat bombless throughout.
I'm told the bomb system goes away in later games, and I'm disappointed to learn that, because it's an easy to manage system that makes sure you give all your friendships attention, and allows you to ascribe some negative personality traits to the girls and flesh them out a bit. For the most part the only girls who came close to bombing me were Yuko (of course, she's a firecracker, chaotic energy that wants your attention) and Shiori (creating the impression of a childhood friend who, while uninterested in me romantically, damn well doesn't want to share me, made all the more believable by the blank expression she usually regarded me with), and both felt all the more interesting for it.
This game rules, if it wasn't clear. A well-written, well-made game whose influence you can feel in more modern romance games with very little effort, and in a bunch of other game types if you squint a little.
Now imagine if I was playing a better version of it!
- met 8 of the girls, 6 of which I got into tokimeki state by the end
- focused mostly on athletics
- ended up with Nozomi Kiyokawa
- failed to get a 2nd rate job
- did not have a single bomb go off during my run
With these sorts of romance games it feels disingenuous to try for other routes, so I think it's probably important to break down how things went in comparison to other reviewers' runs.
This is an interesting game to play, having seen Tim Rogers' lengthy review of the playstation version, and knowing that a greater version (multiple versions, even) is out in the world. The work on this SNES port (and the fan-translation itself) is really impressive, but a small part of me know that what I really want is a more advanced version with voice acting and a scrolling background that moves smoother than the one in this.
Mechanically it's neat, reminding of everything from simgirl to dark souls to an excel spreadsheet. Put numbers in, do better. Simple. Use the phone to go on dates, gather information, or pester the rich kid. So far, so simple, though a lapse in memory meant I forgot how to get girls' numbers in this, which could have been fatal. I enjoyed how certain scenes and girls are locked behind combinations of different numbers, though them usually being numbers that go up together kind of made it feel a bit arbritrary, which... I mean it kind of is. If you know the numbers you want you're basically just committing to a goal and waiting for scenes to break up the monotony.
The scenes are good, though. Walks home, special occasions, and hall bumpings happen automatically, but dates require you to organise them, and to choose options that won't fuck off your date. The dates are cute, and the second you realise that there are special scenes if you take the right girl to the right place at the right time they suddenly become the main attraction. Of COURSE I want to take Nozomi bowling in Winter so she can fucking kill me with an errant ball. Yes I want to feel vaguely guilty when Shiori reminds me of childhood adventures that make us feel fated, all while I treat her as largely tertiary. And yes, I want to see Yujari get a wet t-shirt, or so the game has decided. They're all sweet moments, and hunting them out actually makes it way easier to stat bombless throughout.
I'm told the bomb system goes away in later games, and I'm disappointed to learn that, because it's an easy to manage system that makes sure you give all your friendships attention, and allows you to ascribe some negative personality traits to the girls and flesh them out a bit. For the most part the only girls who came close to bombing me were Yuko (of course, she's a firecracker, chaotic energy that wants your attention) and Shiori (creating the impression of a childhood friend who, while uninterested in me romantically, damn well doesn't want to share me, made all the more believable by the blank expression she usually regarded me with), and both felt all the more interesting for it.
This game rules, if it wasn't clear. A well-written, well-made game whose influence you can feel in more modern romance games with very little effort, and in a bunch of other game types if you squint a little.
Now imagine if I was playing a better version of it!
1994
Apparently I forgot to rate this, so rest assured this is one of the best games ever made, and certainly the best ‘search action’/‘metroidvania’/whatever you wanna call them.
2022
All the fun of a slot machine without the crippling addiction that tears families apart, loses people their homes, and turns people into crank-pulling automatons.
Very good, wildly so. But I'm increasingly aware that this could have been an incredible tool for evil with very few changes, which adds an undercurrent of... not fear, but an eeriness to it.
Very good, wildly so. But I'm increasingly aware that this could have been an incredible tool for evil with very few changes, which adds an undercurrent of... not fear, but an eeriness to it.
You can port one of the best video games of all time to a system completely unsuited to it and still come away with a really good game. Shortcuts to finding and selecting hot spots make it a breeze, and so instead you just get a nice portable way to experience the story. Aces.
2015
That this can be such a good time despite being full of the worst first person platforming I've ever experienced is nothing short of a miracle. Guns feel good. Exploring feels great. The bosses are awful, but on the whole a great romp, and a pretty decent update job from nightdive. Excited to play the second soon.
Nothing clever to say. All the dlc is out, the game is done, I've played it to oblivion, and I can't imagine there ever being a game as good as this is at being this sort of game ever again.
2021
A little tasty morsel of a platformer from a non-existent age, and while I’m never going to care about getting faster times, the dash and jumps feels so nice that I’m more than satisfied with my basic playthrough. Also it cost me pennies, so I’ve nothing more to ask of it.
2022
A fun way to learn what the steam deck can do. Bit alarmed the analog sticks know when my thumbs are on them, via some ancient magic or uh I guess the same way love testers work.
Actual writing of the game yo-yos between just fine and genuinely funny, which checks out with the world of Portal, and that'll do just fine.
I do wish there was... more, though. Couple of arcadey minigames thrown in or something like that.
Actual writing of the game yo-yos between just fine and genuinely funny, which checks out with the world of Portal, and that'll do just fine.
I do wish there was... more, though. Couple of arcadey minigames thrown in or something like that.
2022
Peach is mad, Mario is invincible, and I'm having a great time. Mario 64 hasn't aged super well in many regards, but this shows the sort of QoL changes you could make that'd bring it forward. Or just tech to make awesome fan games. Whichever.