MaxyBee
Delightful. Like a school play written by and starring kids, and as such a game so perfectly written as to capture that feeling while still being good. And it knows that books are worthless. Four stars.
1988
There are, arguably, two Contras for the NES. Which isn't to say that there's Contra and "everyone is a robot in europe" Probotector, though that is true.
There are, arguably, three Contras for the NE- well, do we count the famicom edition, with its moving backgrounds, easier difficulty, and ACTUAL PLOT IN BETWEEN LEVELS (this is the version I played)?
There are, arguably, four Contras for the NES. Well, three, but there are two ways to play them.
There are, arguably, six Contras for the NES. The ones where you play a pure, unfiltered, challenge, with a harsh limit on lives and continues as you dodge pixel sized bullets and use every strategy you can think of to stave off death, and the ones where you enter the Konami code and treat this stuff like it's a console port of a Metal Slug, where you can freely die over and over, knowing that it would take a LOT of mistakes to put you down for good.
It's a meaningful change to the game, one that I think can completely alter your perception of the challenges contained within, seeing stuff that should be challenging reflex checks as cheap deaths, because you aren't valuing your life enough. I played it both ways, and honestly they're both good, valid ways to enjoy Contra, because it is simply that good a game that it can accommodate both modes of play.
The power-ups are great in this. Yes, the laser is stupid, basically just a skill check for people who hammer the shoot button, the flame shot is... unremarkable? and the machine gun and spread shot are ridiculous in how good they are (and invincibility is what it is), but what's notable is how none of them feel like a nerf, and can be made to work with the right strategy.
Bosses are amazing. Often stationary target-shooting exercises, they still test your shooting skills and dodging abilities quite well, and as the game descends (literally) into more surreal and alien environments the bosses also become a visual treat. Why not rip off Aliens? Aliens is awesome. Good choice, Contra developers.
Normal enemies are varied and enjoyable, all looking like different flavours of American football players, or otherwise being out of sight throwing grenades from trees or the like. Their teensy tiny bullets really test your eyesight as you desperately try not to die and lose your god damn spread shot again.
The game feel is amazing. Every little noise is great, and your weaponry feels meaty as it blips away at enemies. The jumping is spectacular, even when you're leaping foolishly into enemy fire.
Easily a top 10 NES game of all time, an-oh shit, there's two player as well, isn't there!
There are, arguably, 12 versions of Contra for the NES. And they're all great.
There are, arguably, three Contras for the NE- well, do we count the famicom edition, with its moving backgrounds, easier difficulty, and ACTUAL PLOT IN BETWEEN LEVELS (this is the version I played)?
There are, arguably, four Contras for the NES. Well, three, but there are two ways to play them.
There are, arguably, six Contras for the NES. The ones where you play a pure, unfiltered, challenge, with a harsh limit on lives and continues as you dodge pixel sized bullets and use every strategy you can think of to stave off death, and the ones where you enter the Konami code and treat this stuff like it's a console port of a Metal Slug, where you can freely die over and over, knowing that it would take a LOT of mistakes to put you down for good.
It's a meaningful change to the game, one that I think can completely alter your perception of the challenges contained within, seeing stuff that should be challenging reflex checks as cheap deaths, because you aren't valuing your life enough. I played it both ways, and honestly they're both good, valid ways to enjoy Contra, because it is simply that good a game that it can accommodate both modes of play.
The power-ups are great in this. Yes, the laser is stupid, basically just a skill check for people who hammer the shoot button, the flame shot is... unremarkable? and the machine gun and spread shot are ridiculous in how good they are (and invincibility is what it is), but what's notable is how none of them feel like a nerf, and can be made to work with the right strategy.
Bosses are amazing. Often stationary target-shooting exercises, they still test your shooting skills and dodging abilities quite well, and as the game descends (literally) into more surreal and alien environments the bosses also become a visual treat. Why not rip off Aliens? Aliens is awesome. Good choice, Contra developers.
Normal enemies are varied and enjoyable, all looking like different flavours of American football players, or otherwise being out of sight throwing grenades from trees or the like. Their teensy tiny bullets really test your eyesight as you desperately try not to die and lose your god damn spread shot again.
The game feel is amazing. Every little noise is great, and your weaponry feels meaty as it blips away at enemies. The jumping is spectacular, even when you're leaping foolishly into enemy fire.
Easily a top 10 NES game of all time, an-oh shit, there's two player as well, isn't there!
There are, arguably, 12 versions of Contra for the NES. And they're all great.
To me the one marker a game has to pass to receive one star is “technically a game”. This is the closest any game has gotten to not technically being a game.
2021
Despite having a control scheme devised by a lunatic, this managed to be one of the smoothest and most thrilling gaming experiences of my life. It's no Super Metroid, but at this point aspiring to be that when it's a monolith of game design, the face of speedrunning, a king of randomisers and mods... well, it would just be foolish.
Instead we have Metroid sped up. Everything moves faster, you need to react quicker, counter attacks, execute some truly bananas speed boost puzzles, and memorise the attack patterns of some truly heinous bosses.
I got every item. I died EIGHTY times. I'm not a speedrunner, and love exploring, so this was just under ten hours, which will do fine. I've never cared for the ending screen stuff and never will. I just want Metroid, forever. And this is that.
Instead we have Metroid sped up. Everything moves faster, you need to react quicker, counter attacks, execute some truly bananas speed boost puzzles, and memorise the attack patterns of some truly heinous bosses.
I got every item. I died EIGHTY times. I'm not a speedrunner, and love exploring, so this was just under ten hours, which will do fine. I've never cared for the ending screen stuff and never will. I just want Metroid, forever. And this is that.
Am I mad, or did it feel like all the villagers had more individualistic personalities in earlier games? The limited patter from them transforms them from neighbours into particularly fleshy furniture, lifeless behind the eyes, but maybe they have an errand for you, or dropped their purse or whatever. Maybe I’m only noticing it now because of the sheer number of villagers. Who knows.
The game itself is fun. The need to build and expand gives you a nice, structured way to grow and change the island, introducing new elements a good bit after you’ve got the hang of what’s come before. Eventually you buy everything you want, expand everything you wanna, and you end up with a sort of endgame of carving the island up into whatever design you’d want most.
And then I got bored and moved on. And that’ll do. Despite the design of these sorts of games, no game should last forever. I wanna be able to say I’m done with more games and play new experiences. I’ll remember this one fondly.
The game itself is fun. The need to build and expand gives you a nice, structured way to grow and change the island, introducing new elements a good bit after you’ve got the hang of what’s come before. Eventually you buy everything you want, expand everything you wanna, and you end up with a sort of endgame of carving the island up into whatever design you’d want most.
And then I got bored and moved on. And that’ll do. Despite the design of these sorts of games, no game should last forever. I wanna be able to say I’m done with more games and play new experiences. I’ll remember this one fondly.
2018
This review contains spoilers
Dave Gilbert and all those hanging out under the Wadjet Eye umbrella have been banging out some of the greatest adventure games of the 21st century since 2006’s The Shivah, every bit as essential a game to the canon of the genre as a Monkey Island or Broken Sword or Space/King’s Quest. The Blackwell series in particular represented (mostly) a high for them that I considered impossible to top, especially after Epiphany’s perfect closing chapter.
And yet here we are, with Unavowed. A new high for Wadjet Eye, and an exemplary specimen of what the genre can be.
A solidly written story of mysteries, magic, and many deaths is what you get for playing, but the playing itself is the true joy, using a team-building mechanic where you can take any two of an eventual four (well, five) partners with you to investigate the hellish machinations an apparent demon possession caused your player character to inflict upon New York, and each of these partners has their own moral values, distinct opinions on choices you make, and abilities for puzzle-solving, delivering something akin to Dungeons & Dragons’ moral alignments, albeit with them managing to rationalise or cope with you doing something completely opposed to your opinions.
Not that you’ll often find that being the case. By choosing certain teams, it influences you the player as a role-player yourself (and your character is even something of a choice too, as you combine gender and job for some variation, and name yourself, kinda). It makes you want to not just choose what your team-mates are suggesting to please them, but also to choose something based on their input, as the writing is so well done as to make them feel like fully-realised human beings (or half-djinn in one case) whose opinions you value.
There was one moment within the game where I had, without much thought, chosen Mandana (aforementioned half-djinn with a sword) and Vicki (ex-cop, has gun). This is a team more accepting of the ‘easy’ solution to problems, and one where I would feel less guilty for doing just that. We’d survived an outburst of unfettered creativity (long story), and had to deal with the one who inflicted this upon us. In other, similar situations, Eli (un-aging fire mage) or Logan (bestower with a child ghost attached) would pull me down to earth. But no, this was a team that could kill, and I the player wouldn’t feel guilty. Instant choice. Vicki. Bang. It felt like a natural outcome of the team chosen, regardless of the possibilities available, and that’s some storytelling magic. It’s one thing to give a player choice. It’s another to make one of those choices feel incredibly natural under the circumstances you’ve made for yourself.
And that’s the magic of Unavowed. It creates these moments with you, and that now feels like the baseline adventure games should aspire to.
And yet here we are, with Unavowed. A new high for Wadjet Eye, and an exemplary specimen of what the genre can be.
A solidly written story of mysteries, magic, and many deaths is what you get for playing, but the playing itself is the true joy, using a team-building mechanic where you can take any two of an eventual four (well, five) partners with you to investigate the hellish machinations an apparent demon possession caused your player character to inflict upon New York, and each of these partners has their own moral values, distinct opinions on choices you make, and abilities for puzzle-solving, delivering something akin to Dungeons & Dragons’ moral alignments, albeit with them managing to rationalise or cope with you doing something completely opposed to your opinions.
Not that you’ll often find that being the case. By choosing certain teams, it influences you the player as a role-player yourself (and your character is even something of a choice too, as you combine gender and job for some variation, and name yourself, kinda). It makes you want to not just choose what your team-mates are suggesting to please them, but also to choose something based on their input, as the writing is so well done as to make them feel like fully-realised human beings (or half-djinn in one case) whose opinions you value.
There was one moment within the game where I had, without much thought, chosen Mandana (aforementioned half-djinn with a sword) and Vicki (ex-cop, has gun). This is a team more accepting of the ‘easy’ solution to problems, and one where I would feel less guilty for doing just that. We’d survived an outburst of unfettered creativity (long story), and had to deal with the one who inflicted this upon us. In other, similar situations, Eli (un-aging fire mage) or Logan (bestower with a child ghost attached) would pull me down to earth. But no, this was a team that could kill, and I the player wouldn’t feel guilty. Instant choice. Vicki. Bang. It felt like a natural outcome of the team chosen, regardless of the possibilities available, and that’s some storytelling magic. It’s one thing to give a player choice. It’s another to make one of those choices feel incredibly natural under the circumstances you’ve made for yourself.
And that’s the magic of Unavowed. It creates these moments with you, and that now feels like the baseline adventure games should aspire to.
2021
Getting Over It with Bennett Foddy for people who CUM
2022
This game appeals to me on some core level by evoking two games I'm ridiculously fond of without actually being much like either title. The first is Ninja Cop (Ninja Five-O to some), the absolute king of grappling hook games, one of the most enjoyable gameplay experiences for the Game Boy Advance. The second is Go Go Beckham! Adventures on Soccer Island, one of the most visually pleasant and fun experiences for the Game Boy Advance. To remind me of both of these lesser known gems from a very specific and formative time in my gaming life is a heck of an achievement, and meant I was willing to give this every chance under the sun.
That it then turned out to be a fantastic game in its own right, with some of the cutest designs and most pleasing game feel I've ever encountered is a nice bonus, really.
The grapple physics feel great, and the range of the hook is generous enough to allow for a lot of saves whenever the momentum isn't enough or you leap out at the wrong time. The slam is a useful secondary tool, that you have a lot more commitment to (more than once I threw myself with some force between two different bounce pads I could have safely ricocheted off), but a rapid jump can still save your bacon now and then, and generous health drops and well-placed checkpoints mean that a foolish platforming mistake is never TOO painful.
Boss fights are so-so, but still maintain enough of the core mechanics to leave some fun to be found, and the briefness of them means you're never far from another level, or one of the exquisite bonus stages that challenge you to either collect, platform, or commit robocide at some speed in increasingly challenging layouts that make you feel like a champion for getting through.
Grapple Dog is a good dog. A good game. I meant a good game. Be a good game, sit. Stay. Installed in my library in case I ever brave the time trials.
(I suspect I will use the fantastic accessibility options to turn them into a rapid fire goofy revisit of the levels if I do, mind)
That it then turned out to be a fantastic game in its own right, with some of the cutest designs and most pleasing game feel I've ever encountered is a nice bonus, really.
The grapple physics feel great, and the range of the hook is generous enough to allow for a lot of saves whenever the momentum isn't enough or you leap out at the wrong time. The slam is a useful secondary tool, that you have a lot more commitment to (more than once I threw myself with some force between two different bounce pads I could have safely ricocheted off), but a rapid jump can still save your bacon now and then, and generous health drops and well-placed checkpoints mean that a foolish platforming mistake is never TOO painful.
Boss fights are so-so, but still maintain enough of the core mechanics to leave some fun to be found, and the briefness of them means you're never far from another level, or one of the exquisite bonus stages that challenge you to either collect, platform, or commit robocide at some speed in increasingly challenging layouts that make you feel like a champion for getting through.
Grapple Dog is a good dog. A good game. I meant a good game. Be a good game, sit. Stay. Installed in my library in case I ever brave the time trials.
(I suspect I will use the fantastic accessibility options to turn them into a rapid fire goofy revisit of the levels if I do, mind)
Great excuse to buy amiibo, if nothing else. Which makes me feel dirty, like a willing participant in capitalism.
2017
This review contains spoilers
There’s something refreshing in playing a well-made romhack that properly replicated the feeling of being lost in a game pre-internet. Well, maybe refreshing isn’t quite the right word. In the first chunk of this game I was losing my mind, desperately trying to find anything resembling progress, but for each power-up found the world became a bit more understandable, a bit more explorable, and far more bearable. Before the bombs, before the hi-jump, and before the wall jump, this is a nightmare. Once they’re equipped, it’s a bouncy, violent jaunt across different biomes, collecting energy tanks, access codes, and powerful new beams that do not prepare you AT ALL for the final stretch of the game, something just as hard and painful as the original game’s march to Mother Brain.
Clever touches like faux-NPCs, talking to you via text in the background, gives this a unique flair over Metroid’s normal story, and Dawn Aran is a neat design, especially whenever the suit comes out on the surface. That she actually gets to feel like a person in the ending is a pleasant surprise. This has plot, baybee.
Can’t avoid mentioning the new game+ as well, with you all armoured and beamed up. A true NES touch that elevates this short romhack to something that feels believable as the genuine article. This is a good NES game, and you should all play it. Just remember that some of the spawning points for enemies can also be passages and you’ll be fine.
Clever touches like faux-NPCs, talking to you via text in the background, gives this a unique flair over Metroid’s normal story, and Dawn Aran is a neat design, especially whenever the suit comes out on the surface. That she actually gets to feel like a person in the ending is a pleasant surprise. This has plot, baybee.
Can’t avoid mentioning the new game+ as well, with you all armoured and beamed up. A true NES touch that elevates this short romhack to something that feels believable as the genuine article. This is a good NES game, and you should all play it. Just remember that some of the spawning points for enemies can also be passages and you’ll be fine.
Absolute garbage. Barely playable at times, clumsy to control, painfully short, and with some truly woeful voice acting, albeit still miraculous as it is actually Brosnan, which is worth something in 1999.
But.
It’s kind of fun. Tiny micro-levels you spurt through, playing a Bond almost pathologically incapable of stealth or turning corners, blowing away enemies with their own assault rifles (the only viable strategy most levels), desperately trying to conserve lives before any stage with a boss encounter, terrifying bullet sponges that can tear you apart in seconds. But by your third Bond or so they’re down, and you’re onto the next wild thing, be it a dizzying and clumsily made ski section, a short car sequence where you just hold fire and hope for the best, or the game’s one true gem, a level where you circle around a small village, not killing civillians and hunting out a rocket launcher so you can show a bunch of turrets what’s what.
Sometimes wallowing in garbage isn’t so bad. That’s why bachelors exist, after all.
But.
It’s kind of fun. Tiny micro-levels you spurt through, playing a Bond almost pathologically incapable of stealth or turning corners, blowing away enemies with their own assault rifles (the only viable strategy most levels), desperately trying to conserve lives before any stage with a boss encounter, terrifying bullet sponges that can tear you apart in seconds. But by your third Bond or so they’re down, and you’re onto the next wild thing, be it a dizzying and clumsily made ski section, a short car sequence where you just hold fire and hope for the best, or the game’s one true gem, a level where you circle around a small village, not killing civillians and hunting out a rocket launcher so you can show a bunch of turrets what’s what.
Sometimes wallowing in garbage isn’t so bad. That’s why bachelors exist, after all.
2002
Just finished a fresh playthrough, and... I dunno. Amazing linear game, if you just get what you need and plow through the story. But the me of today compared to when this came out can definitely see how it's a bit naff as a Metroid experience. The most limited title of them all (save maybe Metroid 2, which this calls back to a lot, funnily enough), with what is normally a joyous full-powered clean-up turned into a pain in the arse slog.
But... just don't play it like that. Treat it as Not A Metroid and it's great. Thumbs up.
But... just don't play it like that. Treat it as Not A Metroid and it's great. Thumbs up.
2022
What a weird game to review. A complete throwback to a certain sort of linear 3d platformer, updated with modern visuals and a new cool design for our formerly gormless kangaroo. So far that in itself isn’t unique, but when you compare it to other 3d platform revivals that didn’t make the grade (I’m thinking specifically of Yooka-Laylee, but pick your poison), it’s… better? More fun?
The story is guff. The voice acting is charmingly rubbish. But that kind of feels like part of the fun. It’s got jokes that aren’t jokes, and barely even references, they’re huge stretches of the imagination. Like… like Kao’s neck. Which stretches when hanging from vines by his ears or in deep water.
The gameplay though! It’s tight! Not complicated, but everything feels NICE. The jumps have a comfy airtime and movement, punches are crunchy, and the power-ups add nice visual flair (if no actual combat advantages). No fights will challenge the player, ESPECIALLY the boss fights, but for a quick 9-hour completionist run it satisfies. Sometimes you just want to feel like a king.
So uh. Recommended! Loved it. Great time on the Steam Deck, as well.
Oh oh the music is good too. There we go. That’s it. OH AND THE COSTUMES.
The story is guff. The voice acting is charmingly rubbish. But that kind of feels like part of the fun. It’s got jokes that aren’t jokes, and barely even references, they’re huge stretches of the imagination. Like… like Kao’s neck. Which stretches when hanging from vines by his ears or in deep water.
The gameplay though! It’s tight! Not complicated, but everything feels NICE. The jumps have a comfy airtime and movement, punches are crunchy, and the power-ups add nice visual flair (if no actual combat advantages). No fights will challenge the player, ESPECIALLY the boss fights, but for a quick 9-hour completionist run it satisfies. Sometimes you just want to feel like a king.
So uh. Recommended! Loved it. Great time on the Steam Deck, as well.
Oh oh the music is good too. There we go. That’s it. OH AND THE COSTUMES.
It’s funny how well the older material in this has aged, and more so how much the new material maintains the spirit of the thing. Absolutely adored this, glad to have come back to Stanley and The Narrator, and had an amazing time. It’s just good video games, you know?
Really this should lose points for me having to generate three seeds before I got one I was skilled enough to complete, but that was (probably) a skill issue, so I’ll let it pass.
Personal advice is to keep sword and morph ball set to early, just to keep the two most frustrating issues resolved, and to download a copy of the seed info for if you get truly stumped on where one of the two most essential items are (varia suit and lamp). Beyond that, just go wild. Zelda becomes an exciting open adventure where you’re tearing your brain apart trying to remember where every chest is, to the point of going from noble hero to a manic treasure hunter. Super Metroid transforms from sequential exploration of areas unlocked by abilities to the game everyone already treats it as, this perfect set of sequence breaks and clever workarounds so that you can get anywhere at all, and scrabble a reward or two out of some truly wibbly acrobatics.
You will, by the way, become an expert at wall jumping this way. I never had to in the original, so wiring that split second timing between direction and jump button deep into my brain sent me straight back to the high single digits, age-wise, marvelling at strange space creatures trying to teach me something I couldn’t quite understand.
The team who built this randomiser deserve all the love in the world, especially for the aesthetic choices available for your characters. I opted for Mega Man X in both settings because I’m a huge mark for the blue bomber, but knowing you can be Sans Undertale is a nice feeling.
An essential game to play for fans of either game, and I’m delighted I got through it.
Now to play it again and again on different seeds. Maybe I’ll suck it up and let the sword and morph ball be wherever.
Personal advice is to keep sword and morph ball set to early, just to keep the two most frustrating issues resolved, and to download a copy of the seed info for if you get truly stumped on where one of the two most essential items are (varia suit and lamp). Beyond that, just go wild. Zelda becomes an exciting open adventure where you’re tearing your brain apart trying to remember where every chest is, to the point of going from noble hero to a manic treasure hunter. Super Metroid transforms from sequential exploration of areas unlocked by abilities to the game everyone already treats it as, this perfect set of sequence breaks and clever workarounds so that you can get anywhere at all, and scrabble a reward or two out of some truly wibbly acrobatics.
You will, by the way, become an expert at wall jumping this way. I never had to in the original, so wiring that split second timing between direction and jump button deep into my brain sent me straight back to the high single digits, age-wise, marvelling at strange space creatures trying to teach me something I couldn’t quite understand.
The team who built this randomiser deserve all the love in the world, especially for the aesthetic choices available for your characters. I opted for Mega Man X in both settings because I’m a huge mark for the blue bomber, but knowing you can be Sans Undertale is a nice feeling.
An essential game to play for fans of either game, and I’m delighted I got through it.
Now to play it again and again on different seeds. Maybe I’ll suck it up and let the sword and morph ball be wherever.