Revacholian
Bio
18 || She/Her || š³ļøāā§ļø
If something doesn't have a rating, that means I either don't have a good enough memory of it to give it a rating, or it's unfinished in some way.
Discord | aneminentsunset
18 || She/Her || š³ļøāā§ļø
If something doesn't have a rating, that means I either don't have a good enough memory of it to give it a rating, or it's unfinished in some way.
Discord | aneminentsunset
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Warning - This review contains spoilers for Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty.
Warning - This review contains mentions of suicide, child abuse, sexual assault, self-harm, and other related topics. Read at your own risk.
Disclaimer - The idea to conceive this review was inspired by @poyfuhās piece on Silent Hill 2. I highly recommend that you, as the reader, take a look into her work as well, if you have not yet done so. This is also a repost of my review that I made on my previous account, but I deleted it for personal reasons.
ā---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Evening, September 20th, 2022.
After 10 years, 10 fucking years, my step-dad finally gets arrested by the police due to his exposed cases of commiting child abuse, alongside other crimes, even though that was the big reason. Now, I can finally express my happiness and freedom after so long, but at the same time, I am held back by my emotional and physical trauma, which drives me back to literal insanityā¦ a line which Iāve crossed far too long ago. There is still a lot to uncover, and I am not done yet.
ā---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Night, December 19th, 2022.
How much longer do I have to deal with this? I want to move on from my past, but I canāt. Everything in my house, from the PlayStation 5, all the way to my refrigerator, reminds me of my step-father. He had hurt me in so many ways, in so many different places, and actively used me as his torture toy that the after-effects are still there. Here I am, on the bridge near my house, questioning myself; Do I just end it all, right here, and right now? Or do I go back and try to amend myself. What do I even do?
Therapy isnāt fixing shit, after-school counseling isnāt fixing shit, and absolutely nothing labeled as ābeneficialā is fixing shit either. Butā¦ I have to live for my friends. They donāt want me dead, but at the same time, unlike me, they have a lot of friends who they could talk to, so whatās the point? Why am I still here?
In the end, all I could ask for is a peaceful life, one without worries or doubts, but that wonāt happen. Howeverā¦ I can make it happen. I just have to stick through it, and try to get a good grasp of what Iām currently going through.
Afternoon, January 14th, 2023.
A friend of mine named Micheal, whom Iāve known for 5 years, but stopped talking to for the past few months, decides to call me and scream at me because I made him feel unsafe when I stopped talking to him right after my step-father (before his arrest) temporarily disabled my communication devices, though once that was over, I had completely forgotten to call back. I tried telling him that I just really did not remember, and that everything is (probably) okay now, but he was just so upset for the fact that I made him feel like he lost his closest friend. I mean, can you blame him? Looking back, I wouldāve called him soonerā¦ if only I knew what would happen within the next few months.
ā---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Evening, April 11th, 2023.
About a couple days back, I had recently finished Metal Gear Solid, and fell in love with the game pretty quickly. The tragic story behind Solid Snake, as well as one of the main messages revolving around the idea to move on, had both made me develop a personal attachment to the series, as I knew it was shaping up to be something special. In the meantime, it was a great day today, and I was just having fun with my online friends on Instagram, when all of a sudden, I got a phone call from Micheal, to which I picked up immediately. However, instead of hearing his voice, I heard the voice of a woman, who was his sister. I went on to ask who she was, and once she had told me about herself, she then told me that earlier, Micheal hanged himself. After facing months worth of sadness and depression, as well as feeling bad for being angry at me, he just couldnāt take it anymore and felt as if he lacked any self-worth.
Upon hearing this, I was completely destroyed mentally and decided to take a break from social media for a few days. Even though we live in different states, and even though most of our communication is from online, he still meant a lot to me, and losing him also killed a fraction of myself. I took the blame, mainly because his anger on me came from my own laziness. I mean, itās my fault, right? I never do anything right. Never. What purpose do I even serve? Even after my step-father had now left my personal life, I still have more things to grieve over, and itās taking a huge toll on me. I justā¦ I canāt take it anymore. Iām sorry, Micheal, I really am. If I could turn back time and fix everything, I would. Iām sorry I didnāt reach out after our initial conversationā¦ I wouldāve been there to help you. But you know what? I didnāt, because I was too selfish of myself to care about anyone else. Iām sorry.
ā---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Midnight, April 17, 2023.
Itās 1 AM in the morning, and I am currently playing Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty. Iām trying to move on from the event of my friend taking his own life by keeping myself entertained, though it only keeps coming back to me at random times. Right now, I had just reached the torture scene with Raiden, and so far, Iām not feeling anythingā¦ But wait, what is going on right now?
Raiden didnāt want any of thisā¦ he was a child soldier, forced to live under Solidus Snakeās umbrella for many years in order to become an excellent warrior, though it had only made him less sane and more unhinged, which had obviously taken a toll on him as a person, and played a role onto his overall development. He spent all that time in the VR training, all that time working on his strength, and what did that cost? His sanity. And, on top of all this, its later revealed that his own girlfriend had spied on him in order for him to be fully studied, but eventually, she actually did fall in love with him, though it took him time to realize that because of what was going on in that moment. Everything and everyone that he valued was taken away from him for the sake of standing strong, and to be āon topā of the human chain.
You see, for many years, my step-father served as a police officer, and at home, while constantly abusing me via physical abuse, he had made me learn self-defense, as well as various other forms of combat. I had basically learned how to throw people, accurately beat them up, and so much other stuff. A few years ago, I enrolled in fencing, because I thought that the idea of sword-fighting was cool, which it was. I learned how to wield a blade, and utilize any long object as a weapon in case of serious dangerā¦ and, truth be told, I tried using my self-defense skills to avoid getting bullied, as well as trying to avoid getting beaten by my step-father. This was all because he wanted me to āstay strong in dark times,ā however, this just didnāt make sense, because the only person giving me my dark times was him. I had done nothing to receive any of this, and as that entire moment with Raidenās torture seemingly came to an end, I just sat there, crying for a few minutes because I was reminded of who I once was as a person.
Shortly afterwards, when Ocelot reveals that the point of Raiden was to create a perfect soldier, meaning that his entire mission was a lie, as well as Solidus trying to show a bit of fatherhood to Raiden, it all reminded me of how my step-father would act after every time he had tried to torture me in some way.
7 months prior to this, I remember failing an optional test online due to me not being able to fully understand the key contents whatsoever, despite trying to study. Because of my failure, my step-father had decided to rape me maliciously in order to āteach me a lesson.ā I was crying & yelling for the life of me, and I begged him to stop. Not only that, but over an optional test too? What was the point of this? Well, sooner or later, he tries to comfort me while acknowledging that I āmade a mistake,ā and to avoid getting harmed any further, I just gave in to his fake sense of discipline so that I donāt get further tortured beyond that point.
Back to the point where Solidus is trying to get Raiden to join his side, you can see that Raiden refuses, and this leads to a massive conflict between the two, because he actually stood up for himself, though at first, it was a failure.
ā---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Early Morning, April 18th, 2023.
Itās 4 AM, and I am now in the final part of the game. After witnessing the shocking AI codec call that delved into the digital world, as well as challenging all of Raidenās self beliefs, we got straight to the climax, the moment we were all waiting for: Raiden Vs. Solidus Snake. As the fight progressed and finished, we see how Solidus finally faces his well-deserved downfall, and then, Raiden stands in between the crowd, questioning every single thing that has happened since the start of his mission. Shortly afterwards, Snake comes by and has a conversation with him, asking him many things, but one thing in particular that stood out was when he told Raiden to look at his dog tags, and see if he knows who that is on the tag. As this happens, Raiden says the following lineā¦
āNo, never heard the name before. I'll pick my own name...and my own life. I'll
find something worth passing on.ā
Raiden is now a free man, no longer a puppet of Solidus or related to the Patriots in any way now whatsoever, and sooner or later, we see him return to Rose in safe hands. No more conflict, no more bullshit, everything is over now. (Metal Gear Solid 4 never happened.)
Within the next year or so, I am going to fully change my legal name, after waiting several years for it to happen. You see, everyone would call me by my middle name, which is the name I felt most comfortable with, as my first name was mainly a family name, so it wasnāt said publicly in order to avoid confusion with me and my relatives. However, my step-father would always call me by my first name, and when we would call me by it, it's often spoken in a more deepened accent, which just gave me more and more PTSD over the years. Not only that, but my biological father, whom even though I never really had a proper relationship with, was still an awful person to my mother before they divorced, and since I was carrying his last name, I wanted to clear my name completely for good, so that I can show that I am not a part of a disgusting family tree. However, I will keep my middle name since my mother gave that to me, and then, I will be my own man, with my own name, and my own life, not controlled by someone else.
As the credits rolled, and āCan't Say Goodbye to Yesterdayā began to play, I started crying uncontrollably again for a while because I had never been so attached to a work of art like this in my entire life. The entire campaign from start to finish, with Snake & Raiden as they come forward to fight their own beliefs as well as relaying the message to start fresh, had connected with me in such a personal and heartwarming way that I justā¦ I was speechless. I couldnāt believe I experienced a game like this, and I genuinely didnāt have anything to say.
ā---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Night, December 12th, 2023.
As of typing this, itās currently the said date of December 12th, 2023. Since my first playthrough of Metal Gear Solid 2, many more unfortunate things have happened. It has been 7 years since my younger sister died, and due to my sadness, I tried to kill myself twice on Thanksgiving via overdosing and shooting myself, and then stabbing myself, which led to me going to the hospital for quite some time before heading straight to the mental hospital for a full day. Around 2 weeks ago, I had disabled all of my main social media accounts on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram so that I could focus on my own wellbeing, and try to improve upon myself before returning to content creation in full healthiness. Also, I had recently completed a replay of Metal Gear Solid 2 on my PlayStation Vita, which led me to finish this review for good.
To wrap things up, Metal Gear Solid 2 is a game that I think every single person should play before they die, and itās a profound work of art that truly stands the test of time, as well as having a massive impact on me as a person, as well as being able to move on from my past. You also have Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater, which is arguably just as good, and I think that in the end, the franchiseās message of tragedy and overcoming your PTSD has aged quite well, and I have yet to see another franchise replicate the same exact magic as that.
āFind something to believe in. And find it for yourself. And when you do, pass it on to the future.ā - Solid Snake.
Thank you, Hideo Kojima. You might not ever see this, but your work really impacted me, and helped me through the worst time of my life.
Thank you.
Warning - This review contains mentions of suicide, child abuse, sexual assault, self-harm, and other related topics. Read at your own risk.
Disclaimer - The idea to conceive this review was inspired by @poyfuhās piece on Silent Hill 2. I highly recommend that you, as the reader, take a look into her work as well, if you have not yet done so. This is also a repost of my review that I made on my previous account, but I deleted it for personal reasons.
ā---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Evening, September 20th, 2022.
After 10 years, 10 fucking years, my step-dad finally gets arrested by the police due to his exposed cases of commiting child abuse, alongside other crimes, even though that was the big reason. Now, I can finally express my happiness and freedom after so long, but at the same time, I am held back by my emotional and physical trauma, which drives me back to literal insanityā¦ a line which Iāve crossed far too long ago. There is still a lot to uncover, and I am not done yet.
ā---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Night, December 19th, 2022.
How much longer do I have to deal with this? I want to move on from my past, but I canāt. Everything in my house, from the PlayStation 5, all the way to my refrigerator, reminds me of my step-father. He had hurt me in so many ways, in so many different places, and actively used me as his torture toy that the after-effects are still there. Here I am, on the bridge near my house, questioning myself; Do I just end it all, right here, and right now? Or do I go back and try to amend myself. What do I even do?
Therapy isnāt fixing shit, after-school counseling isnāt fixing shit, and absolutely nothing labeled as ābeneficialā is fixing shit either. Butā¦ I have to live for my friends. They donāt want me dead, but at the same time, unlike me, they have a lot of friends who they could talk to, so whatās the point? Why am I still here?
In the end, all I could ask for is a peaceful life, one without worries or doubts, but that wonāt happen. Howeverā¦ I can make it happen. I just have to stick through it, and try to get a good grasp of what Iām currently going through.
Afternoon, January 14th, 2023.
A friend of mine named Micheal, whom Iāve known for 5 years, but stopped talking to for the past few months, decides to call me and scream at me because I made him feel unsafe when I stopped talking to him right after my step-father (before his arrest) temporarily disabled my communication devices, though once that was over, I had completely forgotten to call back. I tried telling him that I just really did not remember, and that everything is (probably) okay now, but he was just so upset for the fact that I made him feel like he lost his closest friend. I mean, can you blame him? Looking back, I wouldāve called him soonerā¦ if only I knew what would happen within the next few months.
ā---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Evening, April 11th, 2023.
About a couple days back, I had recently finished Metal Gear Solid, and fell in love with the game pretty quickly. The tragic story behind Solid Snake, as well as one of the main messages revolving around the idea to move on, had both made me develop a personal attachment to the series, as I knew it was shaping up to be something special. In the meantime, it was a great day today, and I was just having fun with my online friends on Instagram, when all of a sudden, I got a phone call from Micheal, to which I picked up immediately. However, instead of hearing his voice, I heard the voice of a woman, who was his sister. I went on to ask who she was, and once she had told me about herself, she then told me that earlier, Micheal hanged himself. After facing months worth of sadness and depression, as well as feeling bad for being angry at me, he just couldnāt take it anymore and felt as if he lacked any self-worth.
Upon hearing this, I was completely destroyed mentally and decided to take a break from social media for a few days. Even though we live in different states, and even though most of our communication is from online, he still meant a lot to me, and losing him also killed a fraction of myself. I took the blame, mainly because his anger on me came from my own laziness. I mean, itās my fault, right? I never do anything right. Never. What purpose do I even serve? Even after my step-father had now left my personal life, I still have more things to grieve over, and itās taking a huge toll on me. I justā¦ I canāt take it anymore. Iām sorry, Micheal, I really am. If I could turn back time and fix everything, I would. Iām sorry I didnāt reach out after our initial conversationā¦ I wouldāve been there to help you. But you know what? I didnāt, because I was too selfish of myself to care about anyone else. Iām sorry.
ā---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Midnight, April 17, 2023.
Itās 1 AM in the morning, and I am currently playing Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty. Iām trying to move on from the event of my friend taking his own life by keeping myself entertained, though it only keeps coming back to me at random times. Right now, I had just reached the torture scene with Raiden, and so far, Iām not feeling anythingā¦ But wait, what is going on right now?
Raiden didnāt want any of thisā¦ he was a child soldier, forced to live under Solidus Snakeās umbrella for many years in order to become an excellent warrior, though it had only made him less sane and more unhinged, which had obviously taken a toll on him as a person, and played a role onto his overall development. He spent all that time in the VR training, all that time working on his strength, and what did that cost? His sanity. And, on top of all this, its later revealed that his own girlfriend had spied on him in order for him to be fully studied, but eventually, she actually did fall in love with him, though it took him time to realize that because of what was going on in that moment. Everything and everyone that he valued was taken away from him for the sake of standing strong, and to be āon topā of the human chain.
You see, for many years, my step-father served as a police officer, and at home, while constantly abusing me via physical abuse, he had made me learn self-defense, as well as various other forms of combat. I had basically learned how to throw people, accurately beat them up, and so much other stuff. A few years ago, I enrolled in fencing, because I thought that the idea of sword-fighting was cool, which it was. I learned how to wield a blade, and utilize any long object as a weapon in case of serious dangerā¦ and, truth be told, I tried using my self-defense skills to avoid getting bullied, as well as trying to avoid getting beaten by my step-father. This was all because he wanted me to āstay strong in dark times,ā however, this just didnāt make sense, because the only person giving me my dark times was him. I had done nothing to receive any of this, and as that entire moment with Raidenās torture seemingly came to an end, I just sat there, crying for a few minutes because I was reminded of who I once was as a person.
Shortly afterwards, when Ocelot reveals that the point of Raiden was to create a perfect soldier, meaning that his entire mission was a lie, as well as Solidus trying to show a bit of fatherhood to Raiden, it all reminded me of how my step-father would act after every time he had tried to torture me in some way.
7 months prior to this, I remember failing an optional test online due to me not being able to fully understand the key contents whatsoever, despite trying to study. Because of my failure, my step-father had decided to rape me maliciously in order to āteach me a lesson.ā I was crying & yelling for the life of me, and I begged him to stop. Not only that, but over an optional test too? What was the point of this? Well, sooner or later, he tries to comfort me while acknowledging that I āmade a mistake,ā and to avoid getting harmed any further, I just gave in to his fake sense of discipline so that I donāt get further tortured beyond that point.
Back to the point where Solidus is trying to get Raiden to join his side, you can see that Raiden refuses, and this leads to a massive conflict between the two, because he actually stood up for himself, though at first, it was a failure.
ā---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Early Morning, April 18th, 2023.
Itās 4 AM, and I am now in the final part of the game. After witnessing the shocking AI codec call that delved into the digital world, as well as challenging all of Raidenās self beliefs, we got straight to the climax, the moment we were all waiting for: Raiden Vs. Solidus Snake. As the fight progressed and finished, we see how Solidus finally faces his well-deserved downfall, and then, Raiden stands in between the crowd, questioning every single thing that has happened since the start of his mission. Shortly afterwards, Snake comes by and has a conversation with him, asking him many things, but one thing in particular that stood out was when he told Raiden to look at his dog tags, and see if he knows who that is on the tag. As this happens, Raiden says the following lineā¦
āNo, never heard the name before. I'll pick my own name...and my own life. I'll
find something worth passing on.ā
Raiden is now a free man, no longer a puppet of Solidus or related to the Patriots in any way now whatsoever, and sooner or later, we see him return to Rose in safe hands. No more conflict, no more bullshit, everything is over now. (Metal Gear Solid 4 never happened.)
Within the next year or so, I am going to fully change my legal name, after waiting several years for it to happen. You see, everyone would call me by my middle name, which is the name I felt most comfortable with, as my first name was mainly a family name, so it wasnāt said publicly in order to avoid confusion with me and my relatives. However, my step-father would always call me by my first name, and when we would call me by it, it's often spoken in a more deepened accent, which just gave me more and more PTSD over the years. Not only that, but my biological father, whom even though I never really had a proper relationship with, was still an awful person to my mother before they divorced, and since I was carrying his last name, I wanted to clear my name completely for good, so that I can show that I am not a part of a disgusting family tree. However, I will keep my middle name since my mother gave that to me, and then, I will be my own man, with my own name, and my own life, not controlled by someone else.
As the credits rolled, and āCan't Say Goodbye to Yesterdayā began to play, I started crying uncontrollably again for a while because I had never been so attached to a work of art like this in my entire life. The entire campaign from start to finish, with Snake & Raiden as they come forward to fight their own beliefs as well as relaying the message to start fresh, had connected with me in such a personal and heartwarming way that I justā¦ I was speechless. I couldnāt believe I experienced a game like this, and I genuinely didnāt have anything to say.
ā---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Night, December 12th, 2023.
As of typing this, itās currently the said date of December 12th, 2023. Since my first playthrough of Metal Gear Solid 2, many more unfortunate things have happened. It has been 7 years since my younger sister died, and due to my sadness, I tried to kill myself twice on Thanksgiving via overdosing and shooting myself, and then stabbing myself, which led to me going to the hospital for quite some time before heading straight to the mental hospital for a full day. Around 2 weeks ago, I had disabled all of my main social media accounts on Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram so that I could focus on my own wellbeing, and try to improve upon myself before returning to content creation in full healthiness. Also, I had recently completed a replay of Metal Gear Solid 2 on my PlayStation Vita, which led me to finish this review for good.
To wrap things up, Metal Gear Solid 2 is a game that I think every single person should play before they die, and itās a profound work of art that truly stands the test of time, as well as having a massive impact on me as a person, as well as being able to move on from my past. You also have Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater, which is arguably just as good, and I think that in the end, the franchiseās message of tragedy and overcoming your PTSD has aged quite well, and I have yet to see another franchise replicate the same exact magic as that.
āFind something to believe in. And find it for yourself. And when you do, pass it on to the future.ā - Solid Snake.
Thank you, Hideo Kojima. You might not ever see this, but your work really impacted me, and helped me through the worst time of my life.
Thank you.