I wish I didn't have a habit of throwing my ipod up the stairs for some reason. Literally no clue why I did that, but there's so many dead pixels on that screen. This game won't even launch anymore, which is a shame. I had very fond memories of playing with my best friend. I still remember this weird multiplayer quirk where one player could have the game on peaceful and the other could have it on something else, which led to one player getting killed by invisible mobs. My poor friend detonated from an invisible creeper as I tried to warn him to the best of my ability. There's so many worlds lost to time that once resided on that device. I had mansions, mineshafts, and more. It's like a time capsule that got launched into the sun.

I originally thought this game would just be a joke. Wow, bad graphics on purpose? Tee hee!!! What I wasn't expecting was a legitimately interesting story about corruption that somehow manages to make the ridiculous graphics essential to the experience that Cruelty Squad provides. The "horrible" graphics swap from a joke to an artistic choice that makes the game all the more intriguing, and the gameplay is surprisingly deep and skillful. Exploring the intricacies of each and every map proves quite enjoyable, and the NPCs have some well written dialogue. It feels both like a living, breathing world and a goofy video game at the same time. I genuinely wonder what was going through the creators head when he made this game, and I wonder if this is just some English class thing where I'm looking at the surface of a puddle and seeing the depths of an ocean, but I believe the beauty of Cruelty Squad lies in wonder. It strays so far from the norm that I never had a clue what lied ahead of me, and that made the game so exciting. It's rare for a game to surprise me nowadays, and I don't know if one ever will quite like Cruelty Squad did.

This is one of the first video games I've ever played, and I think it may the first one that I, myself, owned. It has stood in my heart as my favorite game for many, many years, and I doubt this fact will change any time soon.

Nostalgia aside, it is a legitimately good game. Many Kirby fans consider Super Star to be the best in the series, but I believe that's because they haven't played this remake. It takes everything about the original and improves upon it tenfold while keeping the game in line with the original. It also adds heaps of content that are still iconic to the series, such as Galacta Knight. It's incredible how great this game turned out, and it stands as a constant reminder of what a remake should be.

I don't know when I got this game, but I do know that I never got very far in it when I was a kid. During a section with a certain spider-like boss, I put down my controller out of fear. When I matured, I picked it back up to replay the game, and I discovered one of my favorite stories in all of video games. It's hard to explain why I like this game. The gameplay can be very tedious at times, which was likely padding. Certain parts of the game genuinely feel like what you have to do is so ridiculous that there's no way this is how you progress, but alas, it is. The average gameplay isn't very memorable, but it's alright. If there was no story, I'd probably give this game 2 stars tops, but the gameplay isn't why I love this game. It's the story. Spectacular. Something about the mediocre gameplay actually elevates the story to me, and I honestly don't know why. There are many things about this game that I believe could be improved, but I don't want them to be. It's one of those games that I don't like despite its flaws, I like it because of its flaws.

The game is fun, despite being unbalanced, abandoned, and obtuse. My biggest gripe is the monetization. I don't think I've ever heard anyone complain about this game's weirdo economy. Like, I shouldn't have to have a deep knowledge of the stock market to pimp my scout. Unless you want to spend all your time trading instead of playing, you're gonna be spending an obscene amount of cash to buy particle effects or glossy yellow textured guns. Also, if you want to track your kills with a weapon, that's even more money. I think everyone has just accepted it at this point, but oh my gosh. People were mad at how expensive a legendary skin is in Overwatch 2, but it's 3k for a yellow frying pan. Also, I'm not defending Overwatch 2, that game makes me extremely upset.
I think it's a testament to the quality of this game that I am able to play it despite its stupid monetization.