I'm writing this review barely an hour after having Infinite Wealth. Normally I'd wait a bit and let it sit in my mind as I try to pick it apart, and I know I'll realise that the edges are rougher, I know that...but right now I want my memory of this to remain as untainted as possible. I know that sometime in the future I'll look at this review with tainted eyes, cringing at my self but I want to write this right now so I can look back and see that I genuinely loved this game deeply.

It took nine whole games to get here, and I'm at the end of it with my emotions being a complete mess. It takes so much hard work to sell a character, much less the same one around eight times over, and each time I've fallen in love deeply with Kiryu Kazuma all over again.

"They all treat you as if you're some hero. If we ended up just like you...the illusions of the yakuza life would be stronger than ever."

Piece by piece for eight whole games, we've been building up the legend of the Dragon of Dojima alongside him. Every admiration thrown towards Kiryu doesn't feel like just cheap talk, it feels earned because you yourself earned it.

Infinite Wealth isn't an erasure of every misstep this franchise has taken, it doesn't hide it but instead puts it on full display, it shows just how much you have impacted the world around you for so long to the point where at the end of Kiryu's life, the only question that remains was "Was it worth it? Was it a life worth living?"

It's hard having the courage to do something. It's even harder to be the one to give that courage to others but this common trait, this link that runs deeper than the dragons on their backs, is exactly why Infinite Wealth isn't just talk. You've seen that exact event take place time and time again, and now all that remains is the end of Yakuza as you know it. It asks you to be brave and head towards an unfamiliar future, and let the burdens of the past be a weight on your shoulders no more.

I wish I had something more meaningful to say, and in the future I probably will, but I want a record of my feelings as they are now. A public if not embarrassing declaration of my utmost love for this entry in the series, guess I'm taking a page out of Ichiban's book in doing this. Not that it matters, I think we can all benefit by being a bit more like Ichiban Kasuga.

One of the greatest and most unique stories I've ever read, I've always been a fan of plots that reveal so much over time they become unrecognizable from how they began and Umineko does this masterfully. One of the greatest things about this visual novel is how it genuinely does feel like a game playing push and pull with the characters and information at your hands even though you're not truly participating but following the script. The mc truly shines as his own dramatically moving character and as the anchor that keeps players steady amidst the chaotic and even stressful events of the story. He finds roadblocks and difficulties in the same places that the average person would and as it goes on he provides thoughts and ideas that help players build theories or solutions to the many riddles throughout the story. There's so much that can be said about Umineko but more than anything I want to acknowledge how it can affect your worldview. The ways of thinking and ideologies that you learn to adapt from trying to solve the mystery don't just fade away afterwards but stick with you. You begin to consider all possibilities, be more accepting and open to things that initially seem ridiculous as you see time and time again throughout the game how really possible such insane ideas can be. You see your relationships in a new light as the game teachers the importance of 1 to 1 bonds describing them as a "universe" shared between two people. And lastly as corny or cheesy as it may sound, you learn what it really means to love. This game's characters have such different yet all truly visceral and passionate displays of love all throughout, different relationships exemplifying certain aspects of love and the importance of each, jealousy, devotion, and sacrifice to name just a few. This story truly is life-changing in the best way possible and I would reccommend it tenfold.

the holy scriptures said that i started to play this game because im very horny for monty and i want to suck his dick off until he goes blackout and thats what the bible said

mind you ive never been the most incredible fnaf fan out there i enjoyed the games to some degree even though theres high highs and low lows that being said i really trusted this one to be a new iteration in the usual fnaf formula and while thats a real good description for this game i find myself in a middle ground i didnt really hate this one as much as everyone did and i didnt even love it to make me defend it to death so whats left for me to talk about

thats right montys dick so i actually consumed industrial quantity of monty furry porn till now and i honestly cannot get enough of this stupid ass hes like my type of fictional man big and dumb girl dinner so whenever he was on screen i was like ok should i just take my pants tf off rn or should i pretend like i dont want him to rail me

ok jk lemme talk about the game i guess

security breach takes the usual formula of a fnaf game shits on it and throws it out of the window for us to never see it again in the light of day ong now am i sad about this ? not particularly the series sure needed some kind of renovation and while i didnt think this was THE kind of renovation i wouldve liked at least it was good somehow to widen what fnaf can be

if only it werent fucking boring and annoying

so to the point youre a kid kiddo and youre trapped in the fazbear pizzaplex which is like a 5 stories mall and 2 underground stories or something like that which means this place is fucking HUGE and to help you escape theres glamrock freddy your bf trying to make you escape from the night shift girl thats out there to fuck you up

good introduction but the execution is kind of lacking the gameplay isnt the tightest and this place is so fucking huge that youre gonna get lost pretty fast the new animatronic designs are cool and if you see the artworks around you can see that they commissioned furry artists im 100% sure like im in the business i know what im talking about so i was saying these fuckers are not scary like at all theyre gonna approach you and go GUUAAAH HAUUUAHAHAUHA and then eat you but like this is cheap also the entire atmosphere of the game isnt really adding to the whole tension the mall is very bright and full of life so its both a good and starking conflict that these super advanced (but not enough to avoid repeating 3 lines all the time) in space themed clothes are trying to eat your ass

the story itself is kind of crap but again i never really cared that much for the story in the fnaf franchise like imagine trying to fucking understand a series that retcons everything in the former installments to just add another incarnation of the purple guy so at this point i will just go with the vibes and themes

i actually love the new animatronics which is something that not most of the people had to say since theyre too furryfied and as a furry i gotta say i dont care and also the new aesthetic is fire freddy is pretty hot and i want to get inside him every day roxy is such a lesbian im not gonna joke chica can take a mean dick and monty im not gonna talk about monty or else im gonna go copypasta

too late im gonna go copypasta

ahhh god I’m so horny I’m fucking horny I need sex I need cock I NEEED MALECOCK pleassde im so horny. I’m s Fucking lonely. I have one(1) friend left.i stink so bad.8 haven’t showered in so longf. I’m so fucking incapable of making contact with an individual of the opposite gender. I might be asexual? But that would make me a zoomer. I am lsobbing like a little baby bitch whore. I’m choking on my saliva.im a little baby little pussy baby. I’m a little Bitch Whore. I’m a baby bitch pussy. I want cock please I want cock and dick and affection please fucking hell please please let me smell your balls. Anyone please I am your little baby slut I will suck your dick babycakes. This loneliness is beyond crippling and my midlife crisis is worsening by the minute. I’m insanely horny I’m

that being said vanessa is kind of a good twist in the franchise and also a bad twist because why should a bitchy white woman scare me alright and vanny is also a weird new enemy even though shes basically the rabbit from five nights at candys 3 but yassyfied also i like sun and moon a damn fucking lot could be one of my new animatronics in this series

uughhhhh ok that being said the optimization of this game is fucking abysmal it lagged all throughout my playthrough and the inclusion of different endings is kinda superfluous since theyre just different ways to elope with freddy so that you can become a married couple and have kids and all that which i dont have any argument against this

i genuinely dont know what else to say since i just dissociated all throughout the game but i cant really bring myself to bash this game without any real reason so im just going to leave it at that good game under a load of shit like real shit real real shit but not everything is bad the boss battles are interesting even though gimmicky as shit the relationship between gregory and freddy the mall is super big and detailed and its honestly such a blast to traverse theres a lot of different thematic rooms with a lot objects and knickknacks to bring the whole atmosphere home like monty golf is fire roxy go kart is cool the underground is pretty freaky and the stage is super wide and yknow thats something that i really enjoyed ngl also because its so very different from the claustrophobic nature of the original fnaf

so all in all passable but if youre a fnaf fan or a monty fan or you find lopunny hot or you dont have taste in videogames or you really want to be inside freddy fazbear gleipnir style this game is for you everyone else youre better off with something else at this point im completely sure i wont find a game that will really scare me anytime soon so might as well dabble into space rock territory with hunky animatronics for my self fulfillment no i havent drawn furry porn of freddy and monty what are you saying i would NEVER hahahahahahahahahahaha .

wrote this review while bawling for arrival (2016) i never watched it and i was pleasantly surprised i love alien movies that give me depression watch it

also somebody said in the reviews well done supershit and it made me laugh so hard I know dream about kissing them under the moonlight

Mario 64 is one of, if not my favourite game of all time, and Mario Galaxy isn't far behind. I think that's why I dislike this game to such a degree. I really enjoy 3D Mario and I want this to enjoy this game but I just don't like it at all.

The movement is undoubtedly the best part about this game, similarly to 64, but unlike Mario 64, the controls are not complemented by the level design nearly as well. The levels and the missions within those levels felt like they were designed with JUST the idea of F.L.U.D.D., and not all the other crazy shit Mario has in his arsenal.

Sirena Beach is a good example of this. Outside of the obligatory missions that involve secret levels, they literally just boil down to "Go here, spray this, proceed" or "Scrub this specific area clean". The King Boo mission doesn't fall under this formula, but it's not particularly well-designed either.

I think this is why the secret levels are my favourite part of the game. When F.L.U.D.D. is out of the picture, the levels are created in a manner that encourages you to utilize the moves you've been given and get creative. It's where the game really shines (xd), because as I said earlier, the controls is the best part of the game.

Level design and F.L.U.D.D. aside, the missions are just kinda... boring? They aren't bad or anything, but to me, most of them just aren't interesting at all. I feel like I explained why I think this with the Sirena Beach example from earlier.

The "get 7 shines from every stage" is the most egregious part of this game to me, and is one of my least favourite designs in any video game that I've ever played. Aside from forcing you to play missions you don't want to, it makes half of the content in the game redundant, if you're not going for 100% that is. You can chalk it up as just "optional content" but I hate the idea that some shines are inherently worth more than others, especially when Mario 64 just demonstrated how fun having the freedom of choice when it comes to selecting what missions you want to play and which ones you don't. I'm seriously struggling to find a single find a single upside to this type of design. It's bad game design and a big enough issue to straight-up kill the game. There's a reason why they went with the 64 approach when it came to selecting levels and missions in Galaxy.

I'm not gonna comment on the story and voice-acting, because I don't care. The game has way more prevalent issues that I just went over.

A lot of the issues I have with this game probably, definitely come down to personal preference, but I hope I still got my points across well.

As far as I know, this was the very first video game I ever felt excited for. I remember during a trip I took with my family to NYC we stopped at the Nintendo store and I vividly remember saying "I can't wait for this game to come out" to my mom. It's odd, really, I had never even played a Donkey Kong game before and didn't even know what it was about but I was excited for it? I don't know I was like 10 and I barely even played video games much at that age. Regardless, my mom bought the game for me when it came out and you just know I was so amped to play it. I think I beat the first level and then put it down for roughly half a decade.

This habit sucks, by the way, I have a tendency to not abandon games entirely but rather finish them long after I made the purchase. I rarely finish games I buy close to when I bought them. Anyway, jump to I think May of 2018 when they released the overpriced port of this game and I was at a Gamestop when I happened to see it. I remember having a weird connection to this game, it was one of those games where I stopped playing early on but I always felt the urge to come back to some day. Which doesn't make sense because if you want to play the game then just play it right? Yeah so I bought the game again with me now having spent 110 dollars on this 15 hour platformer determined that I would beat it this time. And I beat the first world and like one level of world 2 and stopped yet again. I'd put it down this time for 3 years which now makes me in possession of a game I'm more than willing to play for 7 years. I still don't understand.

One night in 2021 I was laying in bed scrolling on my phone like I usually do and I stumbled upon a video of the game. To be more specific, it was a video of Busted Bayou, one of the three silhouette levels in the game and it just... filled me with nostalgia? I've sunk at this point, MAYBE 2 hours into the game in total from years ago and I'm nostalgic for it? I did some more digging and I ended up listening to a bit of the soundtrack for it. Somehow from years back I recognized Windmill Hills, the song for the first level of world 2, the farthest I ever got. To say this song amplified my nostalgia I was already feeling would be an understatement. I planned to start the game when I woke up the next morning.

And so I did. In the morning, I started a new file of the game for the third time. It felt different, I've never felt a hankering to play this game as much as I did today. I played through the first world and put the game down. This time for just a few hours though. I had a pool party at my friend's house today. I'll spare the details and just say I got the worst sunburn of my fucking life and soon would start to really feel it. Anyway, I got back home and holy shit I felt like continuing the game. It's a miracle. I played through world 2 and my god it clicked. Felt like that one Danny Devito gif. It was the first rocket barrel level I had just beaten and I sent a message to my friends saying "God dude this game fuckin rocks."

I keep breezing through the game all the while I'm in the worst pain of my life because my entire upper back and shoulders are covered in burns, I swear to god it was the only thing keeping me sane during that time. I think I played exactly two worlds per day for 3 days and the pain just got worse. Then when the pain settled a bit it started to itch and my lord I wanted to off myself. Anybody who's gotten a bad sunburn will know. Anyway, on the third day of playing this game I finished it. All levels with all puzzle pieces and KONG letters including World 7. I knew something right away. This was my favorite 2D platformer of all time and later would become my favorite platformer in general. What could initially be chalked up to recency bias remained as my opinion of the game only grew the more I played it. The seven year wait was worth it. It's like I always knew I'd love this game but I just had to let it sit.

Story time over. With my favorite games, it usually takes more than just a fun game to completely win me over. Completely out of the game's control obviously but it's the memories of what I was doing during that time that really solidify its place among my favorites. At the moment, I was miserable and almost ironically so. Suffering from a sunburn while playing a game all about taking your home back from the arctic? Yeah real funny God I'm laughing so hard. But reminiscing on my experience, it really brought out the best of the game. It's supposed to make you feel good and it succeeded.

But I'm not a game designer. I'm not gonna dissect each level to see what really makes them expertly crafted because that's not my thing. The game's just really damn fun man. I know it's a bit overstated but the platforms being organically woven into the scenery? It's things like that which make me feel like I'm playing a game that had care poured into it. The world makes sense in a video-game, over-the-top fantasy kind of way, you know? And as I mentioned previously, the music in most of these levels? If this ain't one of the greatest video game soundtracks of all time then I don't know what is honestly. In a game with like 60 something levels, to say that probably half of these songs have been stuck in my head at some point or another speaks volumes to me. The game's not very difficult to me anymore so it's one of those games I can really just relax to. Trust me, it doesn't take a lot for a video game to catch my attention. I just want them to be fun, plain and simple. I'm not gonna be like "See, games don't need a crazy deep story or thought-provoking characters to be good! Thanks Nintendo!" or anything like that because those things are always welcome. But it's a game about a dumb gorilla and his family against a barrage of penguins. The game really just needed to be fun to be good. But it's underselling it to just say it's fun and has great music because a lot of games fit that description. It accomplishes something that not many games can do. It makes me truly happy to play.

"I'm going to fucking kill myself" were the words I found myself uttering over and over while I played this game.

Coming off of the third game you'd expect Devil May Cry 4 to be much better than it is. Enter NERO. Moody and arrogant, in essence he is HIM. You know I had a really funny joke regarding Nero but it's too funny and I'm absurdly proud of it so I'm going to save it for later and don't you fucking dare say that it probably wasn't gonna be funny it absolutely fucking is everyone I've told it to has laughed at it fuck you. Anyways this kind of thing is exactly what DMC4, it set ups tons of things which make you feel like this will be "peak peak goatly goat raw fire", you kill demons in the first level that banger of a soundtrack comes in and you are getting into the grove of playing as Nero and just when you've had enough of the foreplay the game rips your nuts apart by having dogshit level design and enemies which range from mediocre to annoying

Devil Bringer is really something I felt was missing in DMC3, a way to bridge the gap between you and the enemies outside of mashing Stinger. The game is smart with it as almost every enemy in the game feels like they're designed with Devil Bringer in mind, right down to the bosses. Speaking of which, how are they bosses? Well they start off all right and it all goes downhill when I got to Mission 6 and went "oh my god this is so dogshit". Agnus can SHOVE those fucking swords UP HIS ASSHOLE and fiddle them around like a fucking DILDO and I hope that he doesn't have a G-spot cause my god that fucking FUCK does not deserve any form of pleasure. Then in the last 8 missions they start fucking reusing bosses like crazy to the point where the second final/final boss (depending on who you ask) is just a fucking beefier version of a boss you've fought before and they made said boss even MORE dog shit fuck your fucking BUBBLES fuck YOU.

Right when you get the hang of Nero the game throws you a curve ball and gives you control of Dante and baby? This was the best Dante yet, gameplay wise. "YEEESSSS BRO YESS 😍🥰🥵" was my reaction once I remembered how to play Dante. I should add that I didn't buy this game myself to play it but got it from a friend, and I noticed that she had bought souls with real world money, so I had an abundance of souls at the beginning which I spent into upgrading myself. In hindsight I'm kind of grateful for it as it gave me the chance to get my bearings in the game without being overwhelmed but when I got to Dante's section I was running low on souls. Fuck you Angela could you have seriously not bought MORE??? WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO FOR THE LAST FUCKING HALF OF THE GAME?? PLAY IT NORMALLY? Fuck you it costs like 2 fucking pounds, are you really THAT broke???? And don't you dare act like you don't have 2 pounds, I am the poor broke boy from a third world country, NOT you. So please sell that fucking Nando's gift card already and give ME the fucking money you are fucking RUINING my gaming experience.

Remember how I said how each enemy was designed with Nero in mind? Well that comes back to bite this game in the ass when you play as Dante cause it's something that becomes really apparent especially when you start to fight old bosses again. Don't worry my DEAR reader, I didn't do a gamer rage moment and throw my controller. No, I'm a civilised man. I just beat the shit out of cardboard boxes like a REAL man cause this game is for REAL men like me and nobody should dare challenge me on that fucking front.

Level design and atmosphere is something that's also worse in this game. As bad as DMC2 is I will at least admit that due to the fact it reused a lot of shit from DMC1, it remained just as atmospheric. DMC3 was also really atmospheric! And I know DMC4 came out during the height of ugly brown Unreal Engine 3 games but goddamn does this game not hold up as well graphically as 1 and 3. I could really go on about how shit some of the puzzles in these levels are like holy fuck DICE WOO DICE it's fucking YAHTZEE ALL OVER AGAIN but I feel like I'd add nothing to the discussion except dry humping a limp corpse while I go "what's up my fellow Devil May Cry-ers I am also on the team".

Now we come to the story and there's really nothing much to be said. I don't CARE about old dude, I DON'T care about evil scientist, I don't CARE about the fact the girl who has 3 minutes of screentime. Nero aside, all new characters are a bust and even old characters take a hit. Still, I fucking laughed out loud when Dante used Royal Guard in his boss fight. Although, there is one new character I'd like to talk about...Gloria.

Let me start off by saying that, as you may have surmised, me and "sex" don't have the best of relations. I never had sex-ed in school, I didn't know what a "clit" was until I was 16, when a girl said that she'd make me her bitch I just replied with "woah cool", when a girl confessed to ME, I FUCKING RAN AWAY. So to have Gloria pop up and have my mind for the first time in a while go "Hmm while I usually don't find characters attractive this Gloria person is very pretty I hope she's good" is no easy feat. "Is this it?" I wondered. Like Nero, did I finally awaken a demon inside me, but instead of being a cool fucking arm that can grab things, the demon inside me is called "sex drive". Maybe I could finally give this sex thing a shot, maybe I don't have to be scared of anything sexual, even while alone, anymore. In that moment, I got Nero, I became him. I looked at my hand like it was Devil Bringer as I wondered if I should give this "jacking off thing" a go. Is this a new chapter for me, Quade Pad? Did Devil May Cry 4...change my life? As I slowly came to terms with this new side of me, it all came crashing down via the fucking costume select screen where I got spoiled on Gloria's true identity and oh my god jokes aside I laughed so fucking hard. Which made me realise a new truth.

"White women are mid"
Thank you Devil May Cry 4, for opening my eyes and changing my life.

The final mission pretty much cemented my view of the game. Truth be told I'm going through a rough patch in my life at the moment, and during these trying times where I've distanced myself as much as possible from everyone who loves me, I'm playing one of the worst boss fights I've ever seen in a video game. FUCK that boss FUCK you FUCK Dante FUCK old men FUCK statues FUCK everything FUCK me and Dante WILL WE FUCK AGAIN?

Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to kill myself and this review is my last mark on this world. Also it's my birthday! Please say "Happy Birthday Quade!" in the replies. It'd really make me feel better! Cheers and god bless Devil May Cry. I will see you next time.