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Sonic Adventure 2
2001
Sonic Adventure 1 Review
I recently went on a nostalgia trip by experiencing the original version of Sonic Adventure for the first time, after only having played the DX version on the GameCube. Once I finished it, I decided to continue that nostalgia trip by going ahead and playing through the Dreamcast version of its sequel as well. I was quite fond of both games as a kid, but at some point, I got the idea in my head that the first Adventure was better than the second. After coming back to both games, I no longer believe that to be true. Both games have problems, but Sonic Adventure 2 is a far more consistent and polished experience. It definitely has some low points, but it’s still a solid improvement over its predecessor that trims a lot of its fat.
After Dr. Eggman looks into his family history, he discovers a top secret project that was worked on by his grandfather, Dr. Gerald Robotnik. He infiltrates a military base where this project was being stored and uncovers Shadow the Hedgehog: The Ultimate Lifeform. Shadow promises Eggman a wish and brings Eggman to the Space Colony ARK, where he shows off the Eclipse Canon, a weapon of mass destruction powered by the seven Chaos Emeralds. Meanwhile, the military mistakes Sonic for Shadow, and their forces set out to capture him, all the while completely unaware they’re chasing after the wrong hedgehog. Sonic, Tails and Knuckles once again band together to take down Eggman, Shadow, and the mysterious Rouge the Bat and clear Sonic’s name before Eggman and his allies manage to obtain all of the Chaos Emeralds and power up the Eclipse Canon.
Instead of each playable character having their own unique campaign to play through, the main story of Sonic Adventure 2 is told through two campaigns that each star three characters. There’s Hero, which stars the classic trio of Sonic, Tails and Knuckles, and Dark, which stars Dr. Eggman and newcomers Shadow the Hedgehog and Rouge the Bat. One character from each campaign share a different style of gameplay that comes from the first Adventure. This time around each character has their own unique stages, unlike in the previous game, where you generally played through chopped up versions of Sonic’s stages. For the most part, each character having their own unique stage is to Sonic Adventure 2’s benefit, and while some stages do have flaws that I’ll be getting into, at the very least this keeps the game from feeling as repetitive as Sonic Adventure did with its stages.
Sonic and Shadow’s stages feature the same speed focused platforming gameplay as Sonic’s stages from Adventure. They’re no longer composed of multiple sections, but the stages themselves are still comparable in length to the ones from the previous game. These stages are all fantastic, and once again, easily the best part of the game in general. They’re all laser focused on bringing out the best of these characters’ gameplay. I also had significantly less issues with the camera this time around, which was one of my biggest hang ups with the first Adventure. There were definitely still times where the camera would freak out or not cooperate, but not nearly as much as in the previous game.
Tails and Eggman’s gameplay is a more refined version of E-102 Gamma’s gameplay from the previous game. Tails and Eggman each pilot a small mech, and they run and gun throughout their stages with the same auto-homing shots as Gamma. This is where each character having their own unique stage really shines, as Tails and Eggman’s stages offer unique platforming challenges built around their moveset. Their stages are a lot longer compared to Gamma’s as well, giving a chance for their gameplay to actually breathe. My biggest complaint with Gamma’s gameplay and stages was that they all felt rather braindead. Since your projectiles automatically homed in on whatever you target, there wasn’t really anything stopping you from just targeting everything without any second thought. Tails and Eggman’s gameplay isn’t quite as trivial as Gamma’s was. While it’s still rather easy for the most part, there are actually a few enemies that require you to time your shots, as well as a couple of stages that will actually punish you for mindlessly targeting and shooting everything with environmental hazards that can cause you to take damage or die if you end up shooting them, which is a great way to force you to pay attention to what you’re shooting.
Finally, Knuckles and Rouge share Knuckles’ exploration-based gameplay from Adventure , where you search through stages for pieces of the Master Emerald. Unfortunately, despite also being given unique stages, Knuckles and Rouge’s gameplay isn’t a direct upgrade from Adventure, and it’s during their stages where a lot of my problems with the game stem from. For starters, the Emerald Radar, which is a tool that would beep at increasingly faster speeds the closer you get to an Emerald piece, was changed so that it only detects one Emerald piece at a time, whereas in Adventure, it could detect all three pieces at once. I have a theory about why this was done: Knuckles stages in Adventure tended to be rather small in terms of scale, and having the radar being able to detect all three Emerald pieces at once made it easy to find them rather quickly. In Adventure 2 however, all of Knuckles’ (and Rogue’s) stages are a lot larger compared to Knuckles’ stages in the previous game, so it makes hunting down the Emerald pieces one at a time take a lot longer. This problem gets worse with each subsequent stage, as they get larger and larger, coming to a head with the stages Meteor Herd and Mad Space, the final stages for Knuckles and Rouge respectively. These stages are so large that it can take up to 15 minutes to beat them if you’re unlucky with where the Emerald pieces are placed. Also, the one key difference between the Dreamcast version and the GameCube version of Sonic Adventure 2 that would make me recommend the latter over the former is that if Knuckles or Rouge walk or climb over a surface where an Emerald piece is buried, an exclamation point will appear above their head, letting you know that the piece is buried in that specific spot. This exclamation point doesn’t appear in the Dreamcast version, which made trying to find buried Emerald pieces a much bigger headache.
One aspect of Sonic Adventure that I completely forgot to talk about in my review for it was its various hub worlds that you need to travel through in-between stages. The main reason why I forgot to mention them was because of how little they really added to the game. They felt like they were just there for the sake of being there. They were rather small, they weren’t very interesting to explore, and there wasn’t much you could do in them besides just going into one of the characters’ levels or the Chao Garden. You could find some optional power ups for characters, which admittedly were kind of useful, but also weren’t necessary to finish the game and didn’t really enrich the experience that much further. As such, it’s no surprise that they were cut from Sonic Adventure 2, which was truly for the best. Instead, each campaign simply has one character’s stage follow another, and you can travel to the Chao Garden by finding a Chao Key item in a stage.
The story is a bit more straightforward and less ambitious than Sonic Adventure’s, but I think that was for the best, as it flows a lot better. It’s a Sonic game, so the writing isn’t some airtight masterwork of fiction, but it’s a decent enough story with some high stakes and thrilling moments. There are some aspects to the story that, even as a kid, I thought were questionable. In particular, the fact that anyone could confuse Sonic for Shadow and vice versa when they look nothing alike always confused me, even back then. Also Amy Rose appears as a non-playable character in the story, and her presence in general really confuses me. She frequently just… appears in locations with little to no explanation. It feels like she was meant to have a larger role in the game that got cut down heavily. The voice acting sounds a lot better this time around. Some characters do still sound a bit stiff like Tails and Rouge, but everyone else sounds like they have a lot more energy and are actually trying with their performances. Though Deem Bristow’s Eggman once again steals the show, I really gotta say, I feel like Ryan Drummond’s Sonic in particular has significantly improved. He sounds way more lively than before, and he does a better job capturing Sonic’s wit and attitude.
The music continues the Sonic series’ tradition of being fantastic. Something that I noticed during this playthrough is that each character has a specific type of music that plays during their stages. Sonic’s stages have fast paced punk rock tracks, Tails has upbeat rock that occasionally features some synthesizers, Knuckles has old school hip hop, Shadow features very bass heavy techno with distorted vocals, Eggman has heavy rock tracks that feature a lot of synthesizers, and Rouge has upbeat jazz tracks very reminiscent of spy films like the 007 movies, but with a lot of sensual sounding female background vocals. It’s a really excellent touch, and I very much dig how each stage’s song feels like it was tailored not just for the stage, but for the characters themselves. Some of my favorite tracks include Green Forest, Pumpkin Hill, White Jungle, and Cosmic Wall. (Yes I like City Escape too, I just thought claiming it as a favorite would be disingenuous and boring).
One of the game’s most notable issues is how truly awful its audio mixing and sound design is. Sound effects are deafeningly loud, in particular Tails and Eggman’s targeting laser as well as the Emerald Radar in Knuckles and Rouge’s stages. They both beep obnoxiously loudly. In stages where the Military are pursuing you like in Metal Harbor, Weapons Bed, or Mission Street, there will be this airplane engine sound effect that is also just so ridiculously loud it drowns out all of the other sounds and music that plays on the stage. Meanwhile the dialogue is too quiet, and characters frequently talk over each other. This can lead to some funny exchanges, such as during the cutscene where Sonic and Shadow battle one another on Prison Island, which for whatever reason has always tickled my funny bone even when I was little. The sound design doesn’t make the game unplayable by any means, but it’s very noticeable, jarring and annoying.
I was surprised to find that I still dig Sonic Adventure 2, at least more than I expected to after revisiting Sonic Adventure just before. There was a clear effort to improve upon Sonic Adventure, and I really respect that. I do think they did a rather decent job doing so for the most part. The Knuckles and Rouge stages are definitely a drag, the audio mixing is rather horrendous, and there are aspects of the story that can be a bit questionable, but the game as a whole still manages to be a pretty good time despite that, thanks to the excellent gameplay and level design of the other characters’ stages. At its best, Sonic Adventure 2 still manages to be hype even after all these years, and that’s not just the nostalgia talking.
I recently went on a nostalgia trip by experiencing the original version of Sonic Adventure for the first time, after only having played the DX version on the GameCube. Once I finished it, I decided to continue that nostalgia trip by going ahead and playing through the Dreamcast version of its sequel as well. I was quite fond of both games as a kid, but at some point, I got the idea in my head that the first Adventure was better than the second. After coming back to both games, I no longer believe that to be true. Both games have problems, but Sonic Adventure 2 is a far more consistent and polished experience. It definitely has some low points, but it’s still a solid improvement over its predecessor that trims a lot of its fat.
After Dr. Eggman looks into his family history, he discovers a top secret project that was worked on by his grandfather, Dr. Gerald Robotnik. He infiltrates a military base where this project was being stored and uncovers Shadow the Hedgehog: The Ultimate Lifeform. Shadow promises Eggman a wish and brings Eggman to the Space Colony ARK, where he shows off the Eclipse Canon, a weapon of mass destruction powered by the seven Chaos Emeralds. Meanwhile, the military mistakes Sonic for Shadow, and their forces set out to capture him, all the while completely unaware they’re chasing after the wrong hedgehog. Sonic, Tails and Knuckles once again band together to take down Eggman, Shadow, and the mysterious Rouge the Bat and clear Sonic’s name before Eggman and his allies manage to obtain all of the Chaos Emeralds and power up the Eclipse Canon.
Instead of each playable character having their own unique campaign to play through, the main story of Sonic Adventure 2 is told through two campaigns that each star three characters. There’s Hero, which stars the classic trio of Sonic, Tails and Knuckles, and Dark, which stars Dr. Eggman and newcomers Shadow the Hedgehog and Rouge the Bat. One character from each campaign share a different style of gameplay that comes from the first Adventure. This time around each character has their own unique stages, unlike in the previous game, where you generally played through chopped up versions of Sonic’s stages. For the most part, each character having their own unique stage is to Sonic Adventure 2’s benefit, and while some stages do have flaws that I’ll be getting into, at the very least this keeps the game from feeling as repetitive as Sonic Adventure did with its stages.
Sonic and Shadow’s stages feature the same speed focused platforming gameplay as Sonic’s stages from Adventure. They’re no longer composed of multiple sections, but the stages themselves are still comparable in length to the ones from the previous game. These stages are all fantastic, and once again, easily the best part of the game in general. They’re all laser focused on bringing out the best of these characters’ gameplay. I also had significantly less issues with the camera this time around, which was one of my biggest hang ups with the first Adventure. There were definitely still times where the camera would freak out or not cooperate, but not nearly as much as in the previous game.
Tails and Eggman’s gameplay is a more refined version of E-102 Gamma’s gameplay from the previous game. Tails and Eggman each pilot a small mech, and they run and gun throughout their stages with the same auto-homing shots as Gamma. This is where each character having their own unique stage really shines, as Tails and Eggman’s stages offer unique platforming challenges built around their moveset. Their stages are a lot longer compared to Gamma’s as well, giving a chance for their gameplay to actually breathe. My biggest complaint with Gamma’s gameplay and stages was that they all felt rather braindead. Since your projectiles automatically homed in on whatever you target, there wasn’t really anything stopping you from just targeting everything without any second thought. Tails and Eggman’s gameplay isn’t quite as trivial as Gamma’s was. While it’s still rather easy for the most part, there are actually a few enemies that require you to time your shots, as well as a couple of stages that will actually punish you for mindlessly targeting and shooting everything with environmental hazards that can cause you to take damage or die if you end up shooting them, which is a great way to force you to pay attention to what you’re shooting.
Finally, Knuckles and Rouge share Knuckles’ exploration-based gameplay from Adventure , where you search through stages for pieces of the Master Emerald. Unfortunately, despite also being given unique stages, Knuckles and Rouge’s gameplay isn’t a direct upgrade from Adventure, and it’s during their stages where a lot of my problems with the game stem from. For starters, the Emerald Radar, which is a tool that would beep at increasingly faster speeds the closer you get to an Emerald piece, was changed so that it only detects one Emerald piece at a time, whereas in Adventure, it could detect all three pieces at once. I have a theory about why this was done: Knuckles stages in Adventure tended to be rather small in terms of scale, and having the radar being able to detect all three Emerald pieces at once made it easy to find them rather quickly. In Adventure 2 however, all of Knuckles’ (and Rogue’s) stages are a lot larger compared to Knuckles’ stages in the previous game, so it makes hunting down the Emerald pieces one at a time take a lot longer. This problem gets worse with each subsequent stage, as they get larger and larger, coming to a head with the stages Meteor Herd and Mad Space, the final stages for Knuckles and Rouge respectively. These stages are so large that it can take up to 15 minutes to beat them if you’re unlucky with where the Emerald pieces are placed. Also, the one key difference between the Dreamcast version and the GameCube version of Sonic Adventure 2 that would make me recommend the latter over the former is that if Knuckles or Rouge walk or climb over a surface where an Emerald piece is buried, an exclamation point will appear above their head, letting you know that the piece is buried in that specific spot. This exclamation point doesn’t appear in the Dreamcast version, which made trying to find buried Emerald pieces a much bigger headache.
One aspect of Sonic Adventure that I completely forgot to talk about in my review for it was its various hub worlds that you need to travel through in-between stages. The main reason why I forgot to mention them was because of how little they really added to the game. They felt like they were just there for the sake of being there. They were rather small, they weren’t very interesting to explore, and there wasn’t much you could do in them besides just going into one of the characters’ levels or the Chao Garden. You could find some optional power ups for characters, which admittedly were kind of useful, but also weren’t necessary to finish the game and didn’t really enrich the experience that much further. As such, it’s no surprise that they were cut from Sonic Adventure 2, which was truly for the best. Instead, each campaign simply has one character’s stage follow another, and you can travel to the Chao Garden by finding a Chao Key item in a stage.
The story is a bit more straightforward and less ambitious than Sonic Adventure’s, but I think that was for the best, as it flows a lot better. It’s a Sonic game, so the writing isn’t some airtight masterwork of fiction, but it’s a decent enough story with some high stakes and thrilling moments. There are some aspects to the story that, even as a kid, I thought were questionable. In particular, the fact that anyone could confuse Sonic for Shadow and vice versa when they look nothing alike always confused me, even back then. Also Amy Rose appears as a non-playable character in the story, and her presence in general really confuses me. She frequently just… appears in locations with little to no explanation. It feels like she was meant to have a larger role in the game that got cut down heavily. The voice acting sounds a lot better this time around. Some characters do still sound a bit stiff like Tails and Rouge, but everyone else sounds like they have a lot more energy and are actually trying with their performances. Though Deem Bristow’s Eggman once again steals the show, I really gotta say, I feel like Ryan Drummond’s Sonic in particular has significantly improved. He sounds way more lively than before, and he does a better job capturing Sonic’s wit and attitude.
The music continues the Sonic series’ tradition of being fantastic. Something that I noticed during this playthrough is that each character has a specific type of music that plays during their stages. Sonic’s stages have fast paced punk rock tracks, Tails has upbeat rock that occasionally features some synthesizers, Knuckles has old school hip hop, Shadow features very bass heavy techno with distorted vocals, Eggman has heavy rock tracks that feature a lot of synthesizers, and Rouge has upbeat jazz tracks very reminiscent of spy films like the 007 movies, but with a lot of sensual sounding female background vocals. It’s a really excellent touch, and I very much dig how each stage’s song feels like it was tailored not just for the stage, but for the characters themselves. Some of my favorite tracks include Green Forest, Pumpkin Hill, White Jungle, and Cosmic Wall. (Yes I like City Escape too, I just thought claiming it as a favorite would be disingenuous and boring).
One of the game’s most notable issues is how truly awful its audio mixing and sound design is. Sound effects are deafeningly loud, in particular Tails and Eggman’s targeting laser as well as the Emerald Radar in Knuckles and Rouge’s stages. They both beep obnoxiously loudly. In stages where the Military are pursuing you like in Metal Harbor, Weapons Bed, or Mission Street, there will be this airplane engine sound effect that is also just so ridiculously loud it drowns out all of the other sounds and music that plays on the stage. Meanwhile the dialogue is too quiet, and characters frequently talk over each other. This can lead to some funny exchanges, such as during the cutscene where Sonic and Shadow battle one another on Prison Island, which for whatever reason has always tickled my funny bone even when I was little. The sound design doesn’t make the game unplayable by any means, but it’s very noticeable, jarring and annoying.
I was surprised to find that I still dig Sonic Adventure 2, at least more than I expected to after revisiting Sonic Adventure just before. There was a clear effort to improve upon Sonic Adventure, and I really respect that. I do think they did a rather decent job doing so for the most part. The Knuckles and Rouge stages are definitely a drag, the audio mixing is rather horrendous, and there are aspects of the story that can be a bit questionable, but the game as a whole still manages to be a pretty good time despite that, thanks to the excellent gameplay and level design of the other characters’ stages. At its best, Sonic Adventure 2 still manages to be hype even after all these years, and that’s not just the nostalgia talking.
Super Mario Odyssey
2017
Super mario odyssey is such a perfect mario game. All the kingdoms are really fun and unique each with their own puzzles to solve. For a mario game, odyssey has a pretty great story, the idea of bowser marrying peach and them getting different wedding items from each kingdom is amazing. Not to mention how many new and funny opportunities happy brings to the table which might make this my favourite mario game gameplay wise. I can't believe it's been 7 years since I played this game last and I'll definitely have to replay it in the future, I can not wait for the next mainline 3d mario game which will probably come out on the switch 2. Easily one of the best switch games, if you haven't played it already, what are you doing?
Agents of Mayhem
2017
Wow, it's the first game I ever worked on professionally! I'm marking this game as "mastered" considering I spent 2 years of my life working on it.
Look, there are other former Volition coworkers of mine that have guested on podcasts and talked about some of the issues this game's development went through. This game was supposed to be doing a lot more, originally. The ideas were too lofty to be pulled off by a team of Volition's size, poor management and meddling from the publisher damaged team morale, and a whole host of other things contributed to the poor final product.
The game was originally more of a loot-based, co-op action RPG with three open world cities that would update over time. The map updates were kind of like Fortnite's, but smaller and on a more frequent basis. New events would happen every so often that featured community goals, the kind you currently see happening in Helldivers 2. The ideas were neat, but it all felt very pie-in-the-sky.
The newly updated engine and tools Volition was using at the time were designed with this original game in mind... which means the tools needed to make a single player open world game with linear missions did not really exist. There were no cinematics tools and no tools for linear, checkpointed missions. So that's why the game launched with a shitload of bugs that would break mission progression.
Also here's a nitpick I have with the game that no one has ever pointed out. There are multiple areas in the game where way more scientist NPCs spawn than any other type and it's really jarring. Also all of the civilian NPCs look like they were built on a slightly different scale than the player characters. All of the civilians are kind of tiny looking, even when put next to the playable characters that are also on the small side.
Look, there are other former Volition coworkers of mine that have guested on podcasts and talked about some of the issues this game's development went through. This game was supposed to be doing a lot more, originally. The ideas were too lofty to be pulled off by a team of Volition's size, poor management and meddling from the publisher damaged team morale, and a whole host of other things contributed to the poor final product.
The game was originally more of a loot-based, co-op action RPG with three open world cities that would update over time. The map updates were kind of like Fortnite's, but smaller and on a more frequent basis. New events would happen every so often that featured community goals, the kind you currently see happening in Helldivers 2. The ideas were neat, but it all felt very pie-in-the-sky.
The newly updated engine and tools Volition was using at the time were designed with this original game in mind... which means the tools needed to make a single player open world game with linear missions did not really exist. There were no cinematics tools and no tools for linear, checkpointed missions. So that's why the game launched with a shitload of bugs that would break mission progression.
Also here's a nitpick I have with the game that no one has ever pointed out. There are multiple areas in the game where way more scientist NPCs spawn than any other type and it's really jarring. Also all of the civilian NPCs look like they were built on a slightly different scale than the player characters. All of the civilians are kind of tiny looking, even when put next to the playable characters that are also on the small side.
The joy I am feeling learning this is still up on the CN site. It's janky as shit but holy shit it's peak. The meter that just lets you jump to enemies comboing the shit out of them is unironically an amazing feature and more beat em ups should look into including it.
Mordecai for Multiversus
Mordecai for Multiversus
The Quiet Man
2018
i'm pretty sure i know one of the only existing fans of this game. he picked this for a game club that i participated in and it was only $2 so well... 🙂
didn't really know much about this other than the fact that it was infamously bad to an extent you don't frequently see these days. beyond that i didn't realize that this had actual combat/beat em up gameplay on top of the narrative based stuff. i wish i had stayed unaware but it's too late now.
the two gameplay formats are at complete odds with each other. the story has no flow to it because you're constantly being interrupted (in a jarring fashion) by another fight sequence. i could see a better execution of either the combat gameplay or the narrative itself appealing to fans of those kinds of things but given that they are both miserable slogs it doesn't make anyone happy.
i know there's a second run where you get sound and such but there's no fixing this for me. i'm not bothering.
didn't really know much about this other than the fact that it was infamously bad to an extent you don't frequently see these days. beyond that i didn't realize that this had actual combat/beat em up gameplay on top of the narrative based stuff. i wish i had stayed unaware but it's too late now.
the two gameplay formats are at complete odds with each other. the story has no flow to it because you're constantly being interrupted (in a jarring fashion) by another fight sequence. i could see a better execution of either the combat gameplay or the narrative itself appealing to fans of those kinds of things but given that they are both miserable slogs it doesn't make anyone happy.
i know there's a second run where you get sound and such but there's no fixing this for me. i'm not bothering.
Slay the Princess
2023
This review contains spoilers
Before I begin, I will note that (per the developers wishes) there are content warnings on their own website, viewable here. Out of a desire for a completely blind, spoiler-free experience, I obligated to not view them, but if you’re of the younger audience, or simply sensitive to controversial themes, perhaps skip over this review. Reader discretion advised. And, as a precaution, I will talk about major (and minor) spoilers, as I discuss my personal experiences in great detail with this game. And if you decide to see yourself out, whether it be of spoilers and the like, don’t worry. Because no matter what, I’ll always be waiting for you in our next review together. <3
After the developers, Black Tabby Games, called out Backloggd users on their Discord, I knew what I had to do. So I bought the game, and here we are.
Slay The Princess is one of the few games that have sold me on their visual presentation alone. Almost immediately after watching the trailer for it (thanks to Steam Discovery Queue), I wishlisted it, knowing that it would be something truly special. The hand drawn artwork captured my attention, as it is and will probably always be one of my favorite styles in the entire industry. The Princess’s striking, yet disconcerted eyes explain a character’s entire story like no other. The contrast between darkness of the background, and the bright, white foregrounds makes each character pop out. The subtle redness of it all, prominent with the Princess’s dialogue and the gore, instills uneasiness within the player. More prominent than the artstyle however, was how the trailer ended.
Slay The Princess kicks off with the main, unnamed hero, arriving in a dark path, with only a narrator to accommodate him. On said path is a cabin, which has the princess within. From the narrator’s own words, she is to bring the end of the world, unless the hero kills her. Arriving at the cabin, we see a knife and a door. The door within holds the Princess, locked up and sitting innocently. The game then asks you if you would want to slay the princess (ala the game’s title). This is where Slay The Princess really surprised me. There’s so many dialogue opportunities, and all of it from what I’ve experienced is fully voice acted. The Princess herself is highlighted in pink text, representing her initial innocence. The narrator proclaims that you mustn't listen to what the Princess asks of you, no matter what. The Princess herself is a deliberate manipulator, a troubled creature, who gives the player the deepest of stares, and really makes you question if she’s as bad as she seems. If the people who locked her up were convinced of her danger, wouldn’t they kill her outright? I opted to not kill her, out of curiosity, and also kindness. I then proceeded to cut off her hand, to which she blankly reacted, no tears nor crying. As we escape, the Narrator interjects with the desire to kill her, and forces the hero to swing at her. All player choice is neutered at this point, and the princess swiftly dodges your blade, before turning it on you. This is how the trailer ends, and my curiosity began.
After you die, you revive on the same path. Chapter 2 time. It feels like a roguelike, with all new paths and experiences opening up to you. After my initial death, I refused to even enter the cabin, and this time, the Voice of the Skeptical accompanied me.. After that, another cabin came about behind me. I refused, similarly. And, as the narrator stated, the world I had seen had faded into the Void before my very eyes. And then…
I respawned. I began taking notes for this review. I use a dual monitor, so typing notes whilst also writing was a very easy task, and as the game’s audio played in the background, I had taken a liking to the soundtrack playing in the bacground. It was a very soft, endearing piano tune. A very simple composition, but a nice one. This run, I decided to hesitate, and then run into the cabin, balls first. I also grabbed the blade as well, before noticing that it might be the key to my next fate. I made a mental note, before moving on. This time, I had charged straight on in to net the coup de grace, before recieving a blow to the face. “Holy shit that hurt!”, the game pronounced. I didn’t know The Princess practiced arm game in this cell! We engage in a duel, trading blows as the Princess bleeds out. I then give up, admonished for doing so, before getting… stepped on. Goddamn it, I had already played Bayonetta prior. Now I’M the Angel! But, once again, I took notice to her eyes. Something about them conveyed unadulurated anger, unlike her previous expressions. As her bloodied clothes dry. She shoves her knee into my windpipe, leaving me oxygen deprived. Before everything goes dark, I take one last look, before finally passing.
Loop 4, time. Am I doing something wrong? Ending 3 had already sent me back to Chapter 1. Now, I’m back on Chapter 2, where I had previously reset. Once again, inspired to use the knowledge I had previously, I was determined to NOT. TAKE. THE. DAMNED. BLADE. She can kill me through sheer will power alone, so there was no use fighting. Before entering the cabin, I was forewarned by the Narrator, and he once again warns me of her lies. And then, I had gained the Voice of the Broken, a new character. I had also noticed the corrupted music within the background during this time. Was I finally making progress? Only one way to find out.
The Cabin had completely altered this time, into a castle-like structure. Yes! I’m getting somewhere, finally! Right next to the basement door was a mirror. I clean it off, only to reveal nothing. Oh, well! Skipping the basement, I head straight into the basement. God, I could go for some Isaac Rebirth now. The Princess calls us once again, but her voice is… off now. I think we all know what that means, so with caution, I head down, without a blade. Is this what my kindness leads to? My own demise? The Princess appears far more intimidating than ever, growing far in size. Any attempt to fight her is futile at this point. And she KNOWS this. She KNOWS our pasts sins, as she states that she’s seen our previous killings. She is eternal. We attempt to kill her, she blindsighted and gruesomely kills us throughout each run. At this point, the only thing to do is kneel and beg for forgiveness. We come in for a… kiss or something idk, at least the Voice of the Broken knows what's up. I DON’T want to kill her. I don’t want her to know why I’m here. But she simply teases us, and I have no other options. She continues to tease us. She truly was destined to end the world, as she’s said. If you can’t beat em, join em… I free her from her chains, taunting us as we join her side for the rest of eternity. Is this truly our fate? Is there a way to save her? Because no matter what we do, saving her kills us, and killing her is suicide. And as we break her free, our narrator is practically killed, replaced with only the echoes of the cruel mistress herself. We attempt to take her hand, but right before our eyes, she disappears into the void. All we see now is a mirror, and much to the dismay of the hero, we approach it. We see… ourselves. And then we explore the void that now remains as a reminder of what we've done. There is no more cabin. Only the Princess remains, consumed by the hands, spewing evangelical-like nonsense. Out of desperation, I attempt to commit suicide, but it fails. I try to kill “her”, but it also fails. The world hasn't ended, but yet, this is the rest of eternity. Just me, the hands, and a shell of her former self; the princess. The Princess desires perspectives; the vessel she has now represents dominance. And she tasks us with forgetting everything that we’ve experienced thus far to continue the cycle. I refuse twice, not letting her reset my memories. She then promptly closes my game. Thanks! Now that we’re fully intertwined in the eternal cycle, there’s no way out of here, I guess. I forget everything, and reality shatters, which actually made me jump a little with the sound effect. PART 2, TIME!
I reload my save, out of curiosity. Rather disappointingly however, the same outcome happens. And I'm on Loop 1 once more. I've decided this time to be 100% peaceful.; no bullshit, no nothing. I charge in, no guns nor anything, straight to the Princess, completely unarmed. She's a lot more polite to me this time, but how do we get her out of the chains without a knife? She EATS her own hand off. Damn, how has this bitch been stuck in here since forever? She just ate her own hand off!!! Well, kind of, as we eventually just cut her hand off with a blade that mysteriously appears out of nowhere. The Narrator once again forces us to kill her, but something interesting happens this time. The Princess knows that some outside force is influencing us, and then she takes the blade, once again killing us, albeit with remorse this time. This singular line completely threw off how I perceived each run of Slay The Princess. Albeit subtly, the Princess already knows that what's happening isn't normal, not by a long shot.
RUN 2 PART 2: I directly accuse the Narrator of causing my death, and I gain a new voice; The Voice of the Smitten. He's the #2 Princess fan, so good luck stopping him! #1 being me. But once again, our cabin changes, and the Princess seemingly remembers us from before, leaving even the narrator shocked. The killing, the disarment, everything! However, once again, listening to her voice, something seems off. It's a lot less rude and demanding than previously. Maybe we fixed her? Let's rescue her, once again! Getting a closeup of her fac- wait a second. That IS a different Princess! But regardless, we slip her hands through the shackles that bind her, and she gives us a nice, warm hug. Awwww, she's so cute, disregarding her killing us in cold blood last time. But now we're left curious on what we do for the rest of our lives, but the music cuts abruptly, putting me on edge. But the GODDAMN DOOR CLOSES AGAIN. However, the power of love triumphs all, and by uniting our hands, we unlock the door, with only the wonders of the world between u- get fucked with the void lmao. Once again, it's reset time! That was… fairly short, but okay. PART 3!
I turn around, this time, then enter the cabin. I come in, say Hi, and the Princess is not as kind as before, but not necessarily hostile either. I decide to leave her downstairs on her own, but her eyes tell me all that I need to know. I will regret this. So, balls to the walls, I leave her. But even the Narrator warns me about the decision I've made. The Princess aggressively demands her own freedom, threatening to even free herself, but I keep on walking. Barricading the door, I run like it's no tomorrow. Watching eerily, I fall asleep next to the door, with the Princess calling me, begging me to open the door as she violently bangs on it. We nod off, but as we awake, the door was lock picked. The Princess has escaped, and her ass is chasing you now. Seeing what she can do, you probably know how this ends.
Run 2! Voice of the Paranoid, this time. Cabin changes, knife, mirror, same thing. We're met with a path, with the Princess out to kill us for what we just did. I don't act. She finds us, and paralyzes us from the waste down. At this point, I'm on the edge of my seat. The sound design of Slay The Princess is sublime, highlighted by this scene alone. Each effect leaves me anxious as all hell, and the only thing I can do is keep clicking. And the scene of black and white… it was just too much to take. We die as always, but we live on.
Run… 3? Starts in the night… skies. Everything is clear. We find ourselves with every single voice in the game. The cabin is a weird objecymt which shifts as we watch. Did I… fuck up? The mirror is once again fake, leaving only the blade, and we have no choice now. But as we grab it, it sifts through the earth, into the unknown depths below. And what are in those unknown Depths? THE GODDAMN PRINCESS OF COURSE! With no other options as she’s taken away our will power, we let her be free, and she thanks us, before becoming a part of the Void. Once again, we reset the universe, and now we’re back to square one. This was easily my favorite chapter of Slay The Princess thus far.
I enthusiastically head into the cabin this time, destined on cold murder as the narrator wishes us to, no lies or anything. This time, she’s a lot more hostile towards us, ala Part 1. But I charge straight in, stab her chest, and it looks like it did a lot of damage. But the Princess gets up and says “nahhhhhh i can tech this shit”, ending up dying anyways. After a job well done, we leave and see... The Void again. We can’t leave, but we end up staying in the Void for... eternity. Happy? After all of that, hell if I know. But hey, I got a good ending at least!!!! Welp, time to commit suicide and start the cycle all over again.
Voice of the Cold, we enter the cabin, it’s cold, grab knife. The Princess remains dead, as she was before. But that can’t be, right? The world was reset! Well, not entirely, as her spirit lives on, seeping through the bottom floor, heading straight at us. Rather than thinking with our fists, I hesitate. She’s dead anyways, what’s the harm? Apologizing for my past actions, the Princess seems apathetic to it. Out of the debt of our hearts, I ask her what I can do to repay her. The ghost wishes to return home, no battles, no nonsense. She just wants to live a real life. Desperate and out of options, I let her possess me, in an attempt to let her see the world. After briefly passing out, we wake up, with The Princess forever intertwined in our thoughts. We have the option of killing her, but I refuse to oblige, and we thus leave the Basement. As we open the door leading us outside, we suddenly pass out, and the Void faces us once more. As we’ve seen before, The Princess disappears into the hands of The Void, and the mirror once again appears. The evangelical being that was the Ghost states that we need one more vessel to bring her to singularity. As I near the end of the game, I wonder, which Princess to bring into this realm? Which girl to end the game on? Which one will be my final send-off to this game?
Okay yeah, I looked up how to do the Witch route. I am an absolute SUCKER for witches. So why not end the game on one? We enter the Cabin unarmed, but end up grabbing the mysterious knife. As we leave, we go in for the kill, she strikes back, killing us with her own nails. She seemingly meets her end soon enough, as we die.
THE BEST CHAPTER: II - THE WITCH!!! The cabin is grotesque this time, with roots of plants surrounding us, unarmed. Hey, wait a fucking second. THAT’S A CAT WOMAN! What a rip-off. The Witch is incredibly strong, distrusting of us, yet not hostile. I mean, after all, we did kill her. After some back and forth, we eventually get her to come with us for the rescue, not before telling her to go first, and with her subsequently sniffing us, insulting us in the process. Rude. But, not grabbing the knife was a mistake, as she reached it first. But, without warning, she closes the door on us, leaving us alone in our thoughts, with the void slowly consuming the world. As we gaze into the mirror for the final time, our reflection is blank, as the mirror cracks, and so does our reality. As the shards fall, the narrator’s true face is revealed, slowly fading away as we talk to him. What happened to these worlds, we ask. As he slowly dies, he begs us one final time, to kill the princess, once and for all. As we head to the cabin in this twisted Void, the hill bursts open and reveals…
The Princess! Every single version of her, united into one being. But, as The Princess reminds us of The Narrator’s final wishes, that leaves us with one. Last. Choice. As our playthrough comes to a close, The Princess expresses her wish for her own end, as each Princess comes back to remind us of our past killings and savings.
To slay or to not slay...? Every time we’ve come down, hostile or not, we’ve usually met our end, but that’s to be expected, no? After all, our goal is to kill the Princess, and of course she’d resist her own murder, right? Are we the ones at fault? But, we’re simply the player character in a game that FORCED us to choose to kill her. But, then again, we decided to buy the game that said “Slay The Princess”, install it, and play until the very end, out of our own will. We are the ones at fault. AND, with that revelation, I decide to SAVE The Princess, and free ourselves from this reality. But as the glass of this reality begins to crush us, the Princess and I unite into one self, as we spend the rest of eternity together, stepping into… the Infinite. We’ve finally made it back home, as the deceased Princess has wished.
While I know that my explanation of how Slay the Princess made me feel what I did was pretty beefy, it was mostly a journal of the game, as I had processed it in real time. In the end however, Slay The Princess reminds me of The End of Evangelion. Something that was definitely enjoyable on a first look, but when the journey’s all over, you think “Wow, that was actually kind of GOATed”. It's an intentionally deep and complex narrative, with multiple different choices to make, and gorgeous production values being present everywhere in its content. Each run feels different from the last, with the entire narrative changing to reflect your actions. Every variation of the Princess is an extension of your actions, and yes, while some paths felt underdeveloped (Damsel) unfortunately, I still think Slay the Princess is worth your time overall, and the visuals alone will stick with you for a very long time, much less the story and music. Every choice I made had significant meaning, and I can’t wait for my next playthrough of the next few routes. But for now, this is where Slay The Princess ends. And where MY bitching begins.
This was a bit of an experimental review style, one that I don’t plan on using much in the future, but for a game with as many paths as Slay the Princess, it really demanded this style. Hell if I know I’ll continue to use this style, but hey, it’s a thought. But speaking of reviews, I hate to announce so many things in a short time span, but I think I’m also looking into replaying the Bayonetta games soon. I absolutely LOVED Bayonetta 1 when I played it last year, but I never ended up finishing it, unfortunately. All that’s about to change, because I’ll be playing all three mainline titles, back to back, and I’ll also be including Cereza and the Lost Demon as a bonus. It’s been something I’ve always wanted to revisit. I really love Bayonetta, both as a character, and as a game as well. So, I hope you’re looking forward to that. But, that’s all for now. Until next time, my friends!
After the developers, Black Tabby Games, called out Backloggd users on their Discord, I knew what I had to do. So I bought the game, and here we are.
Slay The Princess is one of the few games that have sold me on their visual presentation alone. Almost immediately after watching the trailer for it (thanks to Steam Discovery Queue), I wishlisted it, knowing that it would be something truly special. The hand drawn artwork captured my attention, as it is and will probably always be one of my favorite styles in the entire industry. The Princess’s striking, yet disconcerted eyes explain a character’s entire story like no other. The contrast between darkness of the background, and the bright, white foregrounds makes each character pop out. The subtle redness of it all, prominent with the Princess’s dialogue and the gore, instills uneasiness within the player. More prominent than the artstyle however, was how the trailer ended.
Slay The Princess kicks off with the main, unnamed hero, arriving in a dark path, with only a narrator to accommodate him. On said path is a cabin, which has the princess within. From the narrator’s own words, she is to bring the end of the world, unless the hero kills her. Arriving at the cabin, we see a knife and a door. The door within holds the Princess, locked up and sitting innocently. The game then asks you if you would want to slay the princess (ala the game’s title). This is where Slay The Princess really surprised me. There’s so many dialogue opportunities, and all of it from what I’ve experienced is fully voice acted. The Princess herself is highlighted in pink text, representing her initial innocence. The narrator proclaims that you mustn't listen to what the Princess asks of you, no matter what. The Princess herself is a deliberate manipulator, a troubled creature, who gives the player the deepest of stares, and really makes you question if she’s as bad as she seems. If the people who locked her up were convinced of her danger, wouldn’t they kill her outright? I opted to not kill her, out of curiosity, and also kindness. I then proceeded to cut off her hand, to which she blankly reacted, no tears nor crying. As we escape, the Narrator interjects with the desire to kill her, and forces the hero to swing at her. All player choice is neutered at this point, and the princess swiftly dodges your blade, before turning it on you. This is how the trailer ends, and my curiosity began.
After you die, you revive on the same path. Chapter 2 time. It feels like a roguelike, with all new paths and experiences opening up to you. After my initial death, I refused to even enter the cabin, and this time, the Voice of the Skeptical accompanied me.. After that, another cabin came about behind me. I refused, similarly. And, as the narrator stated, the world I had seen had faded into the Void before my very eyes. And then…
I respawned. I began taking notes for this review. I use a dual monitor, so typing notes whilst also writing was a very easy task, and as the game’s audio played in the background, I had taken a liking to the soundtrack playing in the bacground. It was a very soft, endearing piano tune. A very simple composition, but a nice one. This run, I decided to hesitate, and then run into the cabin, balls first. I also grabbed the blade as well, before noticing that it might be the key to my next fate. I made a mental note, before moving on. This time, I had charged straight on in to net the coup de grace, before recieving a blow to the face. “Holy shit that hurt!”, the game pronounced. I didn’t know The Princess practiced arm game in this cell! We engage in a duel, trading blows as the Princess bleeds out. I then give up, admonished for doing so, before getting… stepped on. Goddamn it, I had already played Bayonetta prior. Now I’M the Angel! But, once again, I took notice to her eyes. Something about them conveyed unadulurated anger, unlike her previous expressions. As her bloodied clothes dry. She shoves her knee into my windpipe, leaving me oxygen deprived. Before everything goes dark, I take one last look, before finally passing.
Loop 4, time. Am I doing something wrong? Ending 3 had already sent me back to Chapter 1. Now, I’m back on Chapter 2, where I had previously reset. Once again, inspired to use the knowledge I had previously, I was determined to NOT. TAKE. THE. DAMNED. BLADE. She can kill me through sheer will power alone, so there was no use fighting. Before entering the cabin, I was forewarned by the Narrator, and he once again warns me of her lies. And then, I had gained the Voice of the Broken, a new character. I had also noticed the corrupted music within the background during this time. Was I finally making progress? Only one way to find out.
The Cabin had completely altered this time, into a castle-like structure. Yes! I’m getting somewhere, finally! Right next to the basement door was a mirror. I clean it off, only to reveal nothing. Oh, well! Skipping the basement, I head straight into the basement. God, I could go for some Isaac Rebirth now. The Princess calls us once again, but her voice is… off now. I think we all know what that means, so with caution, I head down, without a blade. Is this what my kindness leads to? My own demise? The Princess appears far more intimidating than ever, growing far in size. Any attempt to fight her is futile at this point. And she KNOWS this. She KNOWS our pasts sins, as she states that she’s seen our previous killings. She is eternal. We attempt to kill her, she blindsighted and gruesomely kills us throughout each run. At this point, the only thing to do is kneel and beg for forgiveness. We come in for a… kiss or something idk, at least the Voice of the Broken knows what's up. I DON’T want to kill her. I don’t want her to know why I’m here. But she simply teases us, and I have no other options. She continues to tease us. She truly was destined to end the world, as she’s said. If you can’t beat em, join em… I free her from her chains, taunting us as we join her side for the rest of eternity. Is this truly our fate? Is there a way to save her? Because no matter what we do, saving her kills us, and killing her is suicide. And as we break her free, our narrator is practically killed, replaced with only the echoes of the cruel mistress herself. We attempt to take her hand, but right before our eyes, she disappears into the void. All we see now is a mirror, and much to the dismay of the hero, we approach it. We see… ourselves. And then we explore the void that now remains as a reminder of what we've done. There is no more cabin. Only the Princess remains, consumed by the hands, spewing evangelical-like nonsense. Out of desperation, I attempt to commit suicide, but it fails. I try to kill “her”, but it also fails. The world hasn't ended, but yet, this is the rest of eternity. Just me, the hands, and a shell of her former self; the princess. The Princess desires perspectives; the vessel she has now represents dominance. And she tasks us with forgetting everything that we’ve experienced thus far to continue the cycle. I refuse twice, not letting her reset my memories. She then promptly closes my game. Thanks! Now that we’re fully intertwined in the eternal cycle, there’s no way out of here, I guess. I forget everything, and reality shatters, which actually made me jump a little with the sound effect. PART 2, TIME!
I reload my save, out of curiosity. Rather disappointingly however, the same outcome happens. And I'm on Loop 1 once more. I've decided this time to be 100% peaceful.; no bullshit, no nothing. I charge in, no guns nor anything, straight to the Princess, completely unarmed. She's a lot more polite to me this time, but how do we get her out of the chains without a knife? She EATS her own hand off. Damn, how has this bitch been stuck in here since forever? She just ate her own hand off!!! Well, kind of, as we eventually just cut her hand off with a blade that mysteriously appears out of nowhere. The Narrator once again forces us to kill her, but something interesting happens this time. The Princess knows that some outside force is influencing us, and then she takes the blade, once again killing us, albeit with remorse this time. This singular line completely threw off how I perceived each run of Slay The Princess. Albeit subtly, the Princess already knows that what's happening isn't normal, not by a long shot.
RUN 2 PART 2: I directly accuse the Narrator of causing my death, and I gain a new voice; The Voice of the Smitten. He's the #2 Princess fan, so good luck stopping him! #1 being me. But once again, our cabin changes, and the Princess seemingly remembers us from before, leaving even the narrator shocked. The killing, the disarment, everything! However, once again, listening to her voice, something seems off. It's a lot less rude and demanding than previously. Maybe we fixed her? Let's rescue her, once again! Getting a closeup of her fac- wait a second. That IS a different Princess! But regardless, we slip her hands through the shackles that bind her, and she gives us a nice, warm hug. Awwww, she's so cute, disregarding her killing us in cold blood last time. But now we're left curious on what we do for the rest of our lives, but the music cuts abruptly, putting me on edge. But the GODDAMN DOOR CLOSES AGAIN. However, the power of love triumphs all, and by uniting our hands, we unlock the door, with only the wonders of the world between u- get fucked with the void lmao. Once again, it's reset time! That was… fairly short, but okay. PART 3!
I turn around, this time, then enter the cabin. I come in, say Hi, and the Princess is not as kind as before, but not necessarily hostile either. I decide to leave her downstairs on her own, but her eyes tell me all that I need to know. I will regret this. So, balls to the walls, I leave her. But even the Narrator warns me about the decision I've made. The Princess aggressively demands her own freedom, threatening to even free herself, but I keep on walking. Barricading the door, I run like it's no tomorrow. Watching eerily, I fall asleep next to the door, with the Princess calling me, begging me to open the door as she violently bangs on it. We nod off, but as we awake, the door was lock picked. The Princess has escaped, and her ass is chasing you now. Seeing what she can do, you probably know how this ends.
Run 2! Voice of the Paranoid, this time. Cabin changes, knife, mirror, same thing. We're met with a path, with the Princess out to kill us for what we just did. I don't act. She finds us, and paralyzes us from the waste down. At this point, I'm on the edge of my seat. The sound design of Slay The Princess is sublime, highlighted by this scene alone. Each effect leaves me anxious as all hell, and the only thing I can do is keep clicking. And the scene of black and white… it was just too much to take. We die as always, but we live on.
Run… 3? Starts in the night… skies. Everything is clear. We find ourselves with every single voice in the game. The cabin is a weird objecymt which shifts as we watch. Did I… fuck up? The mirror is once again fake, leaving only the blade, and we have no choice now. But as we grab it, it sifts through the earth, into the unknown depths below. And what are in those unknown Depths? THE GODDAMN PRINCESS OF COURSE! With no other options as she’s taken away our will power, we let her be free, and she thanks us, before becoming a part of the Void. Once again, we reset the universe, and now we’re back to square one. This was easily my favorite chapter of Slay The Princess thus far.
I enthusiastically head into the cabin this time, destined on cold murder as the narrator wishes us to, no lies or anything. This time, she’s a lot more hostile towards us, ala Part 1. But I charge straight in, stab her chest, and it looks like it did a lot of damage. But the Princess gets up and says “nahhhhhh i can tech this shit”, ending up dying anyways. After a job well done, we leave and see... The Void again. We can’t leave, but we end up staying in the Void for... eternity. Happy? After all of that, hell if I know. But hey, I got a good ending at least!!!! Welp, time to commit suicide and start the cycle all over again.
Voice of the Cold, we enter the cabin, it’s cold, grab knife. The Princess remains dead, as she was before. But that can’t be, right? The world was reset! Well, not entirely, as her spirit lives on, seeping through the bottom floor, heading straight at us. Rather than thinking with our fists, I hesitate. She’s dead anyways, what’s the harm? Apologizing for my past actions, the Princess seems apathetic to it. Out of the debt of our hearts, I ask her what I can do to repay her. The ghost wishes to return home, no battles, no nonsense. She just wants to live a real life. Desperate and out of options, I let her possess me, in an attempt to let her see the world. After briefly passing out, we wake up, with The Princess forever intertwined in our thoughts. We have the option of killing her, but I refuse to oblige, and we thus leave the Basement. As we open the door leading us outside, we suddenly pass out, and the Void faces us once more. As we’ve seen before, The Princess disappears into the hands of The Void, and the mirror once again appears. The evangelical being that was the Ghost states that we need one more vessel to bring her to singularity. As I near the end of the game, I wonder, which Princess to bring into this realm? Which girl to end the game on? Which one will be my final send-off to this game?
Okay yeah, I looked up how to do the Witch route. I am an absolute SUCKER for witches. So why not end the game on one? We enter the Cabin unarmed, but end up grabbing the mysterious knife. As we leave, we go in for the kill, she strikes back, killing us with her own nails. She seemingly meets her end soon enough, as we die.
THE BEST CHAPTER: II - THE WITCH!!! The cabin is grotesque this time, with roots of plants surrounding us, unarmed. Hey, wait a fucking second. THAT’S A CAT WOMAN! What a rip-off. The Witch is incredibly strong, distrusting of us, yet not hostile. I mean, after all, we did kill her. After some back and forth, we eventually get her to come with us for the rescue, not before telling her to go first, and with her subsequently sniffing us, insulting us in the process. Rude. But, not grabbing the knife was a mistake, as she reached it first. But, without warning, she closes the door on us, leaving us alone in our thoughts, with the void slowly consuming the world. As we gaze into the mirror for the final time, our reflection is blank, as the mirror cracks, and so does our reality. As the shards fall, the narrator’s true face is revealed, slowly fading away as we talk to him. What happened to these worlds, we ask. As he slowly dies, he begs us one final time, to kill the princess, once and for all. As we head to the cabin in this twisted Void, the hill bursts open and reveals…
The Princess! Every single version of her, united into one being. But, as The Princess reminds us of The Narrator’s final wishes, that leaves us with one. Last. Choice. As our playthrough comes to a close, The Princess expresses her wish for her own end, as each Princess comes back to remind us of our past killings and savings.
To slay or to not slay...? Every time we’ve come down, hostile or not, we’ve usually met our end, but that’s to be expected, no? After all, our goal is to kill the Princess, and of course she’d resist her own murder, right? Are we the ones at fault? But, we’re simply the player character in a game that FORCED us to choose to kill her. But, then again, we decided to buy the game that said “Slay The Princess”, install it, and play until the very end, out of our own will. We are the ones at fault. AND, with that revelation, I decide to SAVE The Princess, and free ourselves from this reality. But as the glass of this reality begins to crush us, the Princess and I unite into one self, as we spend the rest of eternity together, stepping into… the Infinite. We’ve finally made it back home, as the deceased Princess has wished.
While I know that my explanation of how Slay the Princess made me feel what I did was pretty beefy, it was mostly a journal of the game, as I had processed it in real time. In the end however, Slay The Princess reminds me of The End of Evangelion. Something that was definitely enjoyable on a first look, but when the journey’s all over, you think “Wow, that was actually kind of GOATed”. It's an intentionally deep and complex narrative, with multiple different choices to make, and gorgeous production values being present everywhere in its content. Each run feels different from the last, with the entire narrative changing to reflect your actions. Every variation of the Princess is an extension of your actions, and yes, while some paths felt underdeveloped (Damsel) unfortunately, I still think Slay the Princess is worth your time overall, and the visuals alone will stick with you for a very long time, much less the story and music. Every choice I made had significant meaning, and I can’t wait for my next playthrough of the next few routes. But for now, this is where Slay The Princess ends. And where MY bitching begins.
This was a bit of an experimental review style, one that I don’t plan on using much in the future, but for a game with as many paths as Slay the Princess, it really demanded this style. Hell if I know I’ll continue to use this style, but hey, it’s a thought. But speaking of reviews, I hate to announce so many things in a short time span, but I think I’m also looking into replaying the Bayonetta games soon. I absolutely LOVED Bayonetta 1 when I played it last year, but I never ended up finishing it, unfortunately. All that’s about to change, because I’ll be playing all three mainline titles, back to back, and I’ll also be including Cereza and the Lost Demon as a bonus. It’s been something I’ve always wanted to revisit. I really love Bayonetta, both as a character, and as a game as well. So, I hope you’re looking forward to that. But, that’s all for now. Until next time, my friends!
Coming to this after playing Ys I and II felt like a breeze of fresh air in many ways. At its core, Ys VI retains many qualities that I grew so fond of in the older titles. Exploration is fun, the music is absolutely stellar, the story is more grounded and character progression feels super meaningful. However, there are quite a few aspects that this game improved in comparison to its predecessors.
For one, the level layout was way less confusing for me this time around. Unfortunately, we still didn’t get a mini-map in this one (only a large world map that is kinda useless but looks nice) to help get our bearings. That being said, the level structure itself is crafted in a way that made it easy for me to find my way and not get lost. That is achieved by chunking the game world into distinct areas that stand on their own and which offer layouts, that are not nearly as confusing as they were in the older titles. That was a huge relief to me. I cannot count how many times I completely lost my way in Ys I and II as they were a million doors on every screen leading to a countless amount of side areas. Here, that was not really the case. Yes, there were still sections of the game that were rather confusing (talking about a specific cave - if you know, you know^^) but it never reached the heights of frustration that I had felt before.
Same goes for the combat system. In my opinion, Ys VI offers a huge step-up from the bump system introduced in Ys I. We can finally hack, slay and drop-attack our way through enemies and it never felt better. I liked how specific items were required to defeat certain enemies or how I could upgrade my swords to increase my damage output massively. That’s another change I really liked. Pretty early on, you get 3 swords, all with their own moveset and special attack that you keep until the end of the game. No more farming gold for new weapons or losing your mind because you didn’t find a specific chest in a dungeon that contained a better sword than what you had. Here, it’s all a bit more simplified. You still have to farm a resource to upgrade your stuff but at least you won’t miss out on anything just because you didn’t check every single room in a dungeon to find new gear.
Unfortunately, not all that glitters is gold and some new features bring new problems with them. For me, that was definitely the case for the jump mechanic. Jumping around for simple platforming stuff and striking enemies from above is cool and all. However, the game introduces some pretty precise platforming challenges that just left me frustrated. There are many areas in the game where you have to perform a pixel-perfect jump and if you fail, you fall down into the area below and have to backtrack the entire way to try again. And it’s the worst. On top of that, the game features a dash move that I would describe as the single most convoluted jump mechanic that I have ever seen in a game. I wasn’t even aware that there was a dash until I found a chest that I couldn’t jump to. So, I looked it up online and couldn’t believe what I read. You have to tap the move button for the direction you wish to jump to, then shortly press attack for some reason and then press jump. Yes, it’s as horrible as it sounds. Fortunately, I only needed this move once ore twice but my god, did it suck.
So, even though the platforming felt like ass in many areas of the game and the backtracking it led to did become quite frustrating at times, I still had a good time with Ys VI. The boss battles were fun with each boss introducing a new challenge that required a specific tactic to beat them. The world and its inhabitants were absolutely beautiful. It was the first time in an Ys game, that I kind of actually cared for the characters and their fate. The writing definitely helped with that. All characters were interesting, charming or funny in a way that I hadn’t seen in an Ys game before. The story is still very much in the background but it kept me motivated and it wasn’t as cliché as in other JRPGs. So far, this has been my favorite Ys game and I can’t wait to play more games of the series in the future.
For one, the level layout was way less confusing for me this time around. Unfortunately, we still didn’t get a mini-map in this one (only a large world map that is kinda useless but looks nice) to help get our bearings. That being said, the level structure itself is crafted in a way that made it easy for me to find my way and not get lost. That is achieved by chunking the game world into distinct areas that stand on their own and which offer layouts, that are not nearly as confusing as they were in the older titles. That was a huge relief to me. I cannot count how many times I completely lost my way in Ys I and II as they were a million doors on every screen leading to a countless amount of side areas. Here, that was not really the case. Yes, there were still sections of the game that were rather confusing (talking about a specific cave - if you know, you know^^) but it never reached the heights of frustration that I had felt before.
Same goes for the combat system. In my opinion, Ys VI offers a huge step-up from the bump system introduced in Ys I. We can finally hack, slay and drop-attack our way through enemies and it never felt better. I liked how specific items were required to defeat certain enemies or how I could upgrade my swords to increase my damage output massively. That’s another change I really liked. Pretty early on, you get 3 swords, all with their own moveset and special attack that you keep until the end of the game. No more farming gold for new weapons or losing your mind because you didn’t find a specific chest in a dungeon that contained a better sword than what you had. Here, it’s all a bit more simplified. You still have to farm a resource to upgrade your stuff but at least you won’t miss out on anything just because you didn’t check every single room in a dungeon to find new gear.
Unfortunately, not all that glitters is gold and some new features bring new problems with them. For me, that was definitely the case for the jump mechanic. Jumping around for simple platforming stuff and striking enemies from above is cool and all. However, the game introduces some pretty precise platforming challenges that just left me frustrated. There are many areas in the game where you have to perform a pixel-perfect jump and if you fail, you fall down into the area below and have to backtrack the entire way to try again. And it’s the worst. On top of that, the game features a dash move that I would describe as the single most convoluted jump mechanic that I have ever seen in a game. I wasn’t even aware that there was a dash until I found a chest that I couldn’t jump to. So, I looked it up online and couldn’t believe what I read. You have to tap the move button for the direction you wish to jump to, then shortly press attack for some reason and then press jump. Yes, it’s as horrible as it sounds. Fortunately, I only needed this move once ore twice but my god, did it suck.
So, even though the platforming felt like ass in many areas of the game and the backtracking it led to did become quite frustrating at times, I still had a good time with Ys VI. The boss battles were fun with each boss introducing a new challenge that required a specific tactic to beat them. The world and its inhabitants were absolutely beautiful. It was the first time in an Ys game, that I kind of actually cared for the characters and their fate. The writing definitely helped with that. All characters were interesting, charming or funny in a way that I hadn’t seen in an Ys game before. The story is still very much in the background but it kept me motivated and it wasn’t as cliché as in other JRPGs. So far, this has been my favorite Ys game and I can’t wait to play more games of the series in the future.
Stellar Blade
2024
DISCLAIMER: This is a re-edited review of Stellar Blade. Just telling you now, I'm going to be talking about more about the dark sides of gooner culture than the game itself because Stellar Blade is a lynch pin for things I find fascinating about the internet as it stands in the month of May, 2024.
We been spendin' most our lives living in a gooners paradise.
I am fascinated by Stellar Blade and what this game might mean for the future for video games. It's going to sound like I hate this game, but I don't. I think it's Fine™.
If it wasn't obvious, this game wants to be Nier Automata Souls Asura's Wrath Bayonetta. The intro of the game is VERY similar how Asura's Wrath started just swapped with Korean mobile game models usually reserved for Gacha-pull auto-battlers -- doing orbital drops onto the Earth doing Bayonetta moves before getting torn to pieces like Gears of War characters by Infernal Demons. There are other games you could pull into the conversation that Stellar Blade reminds you of and you'd be on the money. The game is a homunculus of other game ideas. Stellar Blade is just the title that dared to glue every game it worships together like this. It feels like an astounding ripoff with enough effort put in it's distinctions for me to not feel mad about it.
My only two real criticisms that I care about is that the parrying is BAD. DELAYED FRAME WINDOWS FOR PARRYING IS BAD. If you are going to have parrying in your game, and the parry timing is not finely tuned to the animation of an attack, then the game is going to suffer because of it. Lies of P did this shit, too. We are half a decade removed from the release of Sekiro. Make the parry windows make sense.
Secondly, the plot and characters are just so bad that I find it cannot be enjoyed even in an ironic way. This game is so earnest in it's stupidity, turning on my brain to pay attention to the game's narrative actually felt like it was my fault. You play as android woman named EVE and you meet a guy named ADAM and you two are basically the last people on EARTH.
It's not deep. It is in fact stupid as fuck. But, at the end of the day, I like the fact that Stellar Blade THINKS it is deep. But who cares what I think. Thinking is for people who are not edging to Stellar Blade in between unemployment checks. Just shut the fuck up, me. You cuck-pilled kink-shame-maxxing soyboy. I'll kill you.
After the intro, the game settles into being Nier Automata with Souls gameplay. You know what? That mix sounds pretty damn nice. It IS pretty nice sometimes. It needs a lot of fucking work in the plot department. I only care because the game wants you to care about the whole lot of nothing happening 90% of the time. Only one character has an arc worth bring a first-monitor amount of attention to, but that goes nowhere too after faking out the audience that it WILL go somewhere and it's just like what the fuck are we doing, people. What the fuck is this. What and why do you want me to care. I demand someone answer me. And why is everything sticky?
I love the checkpoint system, I really like the PS2/PS3 platformer style exploration of the environments. The hair physics are too much and it actually affects the performance of gameplay, but IT IS fun to have Eve walk under a waterfall and her becoming wet and her hair wrapping itself her body so you look like a bog witch. Very funny. I struggle to talk about the gameplay itself. It's a goddamn Souls game with platforming. You can autofill what to expect from there.
Stellar Blade should be something more aligned with how it paints itself. I waited for something beneath the veneer of this game to make itself known, only to let myself down when it didn't really happen. This shit REALLY ain't that deep. Which is ok, but why go through the effort of pretending? You know? Hello? Are you listening? It still feels like I'm not being heard right now. You know what? Fuck it, whatever. Let's move on.
My real fascination with Stellar Blade is the cultural impact. Sometimes I wonder how detrimental it is being a perpetually online, horny weirdo in the long-term. I genuinely wonder how much have mobile games that inspired the character design of Stellar Blade conditioned porn-addled individuals to latch onto this game like a big-titted, zero personality octopus dragging a victim into the ocean? How much was the sexiness of Eve was factored into the marketing equation as a distraction from Stellar Blade's unpolished elements? It's straight up nefarious how mentally ill Twitter people who want to jerk their dicks off their body and continue to jerk off the flesh mass on the ground until it is giblet paste -- will tie their sexual freedoms to a corporate product. That's just the state of the world I guess.
I don't want to see cultural zeitgeists eventually revert back to prudishness when it comes to sex, but what I see online from those defending Stellar Blade from being seen as anything other than the best game of forever -- is cumming from a place of defense for unapologetic gooner-maxxing instead of objective reverence for the game itself. Eve isn't real (yet). Her pussy isn't going to vacuum your internal organs out of your genitalia (yet). Gooners, please. Divest 10% of the blood of your penises back into your brain. I need you with me, buddy.
On the flip side, seeing a character like Eve on the cover and the game not being a complete waste of time is an unironic step forward for the gaming industry. The cover looks like fucking Onechanbara spin-off. I do believe we are close to a real gooner game with undeniable quality. Stellar Blade is in many aspects SO close to classic status.
Still, the game is good, not incredible. Bayonetta 1 is incredible. Nier Automata is incredible. Those two games are gooner games with brain cells in them. Though the guy who directed Nier Automata is saying that Stellar Blade is better than fucking NIER AUTOMATA.. I don't know if this is a work so Mr. Taro can direct the next game from this studio, which would be hilarious, or if he is at heart just a gooner. Guess we'll see.
Stellar Blade has led me to be fascinated with the "pussy over everything" mindset and how much fetishization will override any objective discussion. Loneliness and desire to quell that loneliness with sex has defined the present and most certainly will define the future. Defending women who are not real in a time where real women don't even secure reproductive rights is fucking hilarious. I know none of you care, I do. I enjoy laughing about the state of affairs because it keeps me from going insane.
So yeah whatever I just know half of you reading are saying "shut the fuck up loser smelly bad gay slur-coded cuck and let me teach my semen a lesson that it should be in a jar and not my body." or even better, the other half going "what are you even talking about" crowd. Because the latter are so pure and don't read up on what goes on in the day-to-day discussions on gaming. You innocent sons of bitches. I really, truly wish I was you. I am a man witnessing madness and devolving affairs and speaking on it and you can just tell me I'm crazy and allow my review to pass over you. The innocence of ignorance. You don't know the gooners will be at your doorstep, soon. They'll come for you and your mom's retirement checks that you use to buy Jujustsu Kaisen figures. Truly, willful centrism is your zion.
My real message here: Jerk your dick to your heart's content, just don't let your jerk bait define you.
Stellar Blade, everyone.
We been spendin' most our lives living in a gooners paradise.
I am fascinated by Stellar Blade and what this game might mean for the future for video games. It's going to sound like I hate this game, but I don't. I think it's Fine™.
If it wasn't obvious, this game wants to be Nier Automata Souls Asura's Wrath Bayonetta. The intro of the game is VERY similar how Asura's Wrath started just swapped with Korean mobile game models usually reserved for Gacha-pull auto-battlers -- doing orbital drops onto the Earth doing Bayonetta moves before getting torn to pieces like Gears of War characters by Infernal Demons. There are other games you could pull into the conversation that Stellar Blade reminds you of and you'd be on the money. The game is a homunculus of other game ideas. Stellar Blade is just the title that dared to glue every game it worships together like this. It feels like an astounding ripoff with enough effort put in it's distinctions for me to not feel mad about it.
My only two real criticisms that I care about is that the parrying is BAD. DELAYED FRAME WINDOWS FOR PARRYING IS BAD. If you are going to have parrying in your game, and the parry timing is not finely tuned to the animation of an attack, then the game is going to suffer because of it. Lies of P did this shit, too. We are half a decade removed from the release of Sekiro. Make the parry windows make sense.
Secondly, the plot and characters are just so bad that I find it cannot be enjoyed even in an ironic way. This game is so earnest in it's stupidity, turning on my brain to pay attention to the game's narrative actually felt like it was my fault. You play as android woman named EVE and you meet a guy named ADAM and you two are basically the last people on EARTH.
It's not deep. It is in fact stupid as fuck. But, at the end of the day, I like the fact that Stellar Blade THINKS it is deep. But who cares what I think. Thinking is for people who are not edging to Stellar Blade in between unemployment checks. Just shut the fuck up, me. You cuck-pilled kink-shame-maxxing soyboy. I'll kill you.
After the intro, the game settles into being Nier Automata with Souls gameplay. You know what? That mix sounds pretty damn nice. It IS pretty nice sometimes. It needs a lot of fucking work in the plot department. I only care because the game wants you to care about the whole lot of nothing happening 90% of the time. Only one character has an arc worth bring a first-monitor amount of attention to, but that goes nowhere too after faking out the audience that it WILL go somewhere and it's just like what the fuck are we doing, people. What the fuck is this. What and why do you want me to care. I demand someone answer me. And why is everything sticky?
I love the checkpoint system, I really like the PS2/PS3 platformer style exploration of the environments. The hair physics are too much and it actually affects the performance of gameplay, but IT IS fun to have Eve walk under a waterfall and her becoming wet and her hair wrapping itself her body so you look like a bog witch. Very funny. I struggle to talk about the gameplay itself. It's a goddamn Souls game with platforming. You can autofill what to expect from there.
Stellar Blade should be something more aligned with how it paints itself. I waited for something beneath the veneer of this game to make itself known, only to let myself down when it didn't really happen. This shit REALLY ain't that deep. Which is ok, but why go through the effort of pretending? You know? Hello? Are you listening? It still feels like I'm not being heard right now. You know what? Fuck it, whatever. Let's move on.
My real fascination with Stellar Blade is the cultural impact. Sometimes I wonder how detrimental it is being a perpetually online, horny weirdo in the long-term. I genuinely wonder how much have mobile games that inspired the character design of Stellar Blade conditioned porn-addled individuals to latch onto this game like a big-titted, zero personality octopus dragging a victim into the ocean? How much was the sexiness of Eve was factored into the marketing equation as a distraction from Stellar Blade's unpolished elements? It's straight up nefarious how mentally ill Twitter people who want to jerk their dicks off their body and continue to jerk off the flesh mass on the ground until it is giblet paste -- will tie their sexual freedoms to a corporate product. That's just the state of the world I guess.
I don't want to see cultural zeitgeists eventually revert back to prudishness when it comes to sex, but what I see online from those defending Stellar Blade from being seen as anything other than the best game of forever -- is cumming from a place of defense for unapologetic gooner-maxxing instead of objective reverence for the game itself. Eve isn't real (yet). Her pussy isn't going to vacuum your internal organs out of your genitalia (yet). Gooners, please. Divest 10% of the blood of your penises back into your brain. I need you with me, buddy.
On the flip side, seeing a character like Eve on the cover and the game not being a complete waste of time is an unironic step forward for the gaming industry. The cover looks like fucking Onechanbara spin-off. I do believe we are close to a real gooner game with undeniable quality. Stellar Blade is in many aspects SO close to classic status.
Still, the game is good, not incredible. Bayonetta 1 is incredible. Nier Automata is incredible. Those two games are gooner games with brain cells in them. Though the guy who directed Nier Automata is saying that Stellar Blade is better than fucking NIER AUTOMATA.. I don't know if this is a work so Mr. Taro can direct the next game from this studio, which would be hilarious, or if he is at heart just a gooner. Guess we'll see.
Stellar Blade has led me to be fascinated with the "pussy over everything" mindset and how much fetishization will override any objective discussion. Loneliness and desire to quell that loneliness with sex has defined the present and most certainly will define the future. Defending women who are not real in a time where real women don't even secure reproductive rights is fucking hilarious. I know none of you care, I do. I enjoy laughing about the state of affairs because it keeps me from going insane.
So yeah whatever I just know half of you reading are saying "shut the fuck up loser smelly bad gay slur-coded cuck and let me teach my semen a lesson that it should be in a jar and not my body." or even better, the other half going "what are you even talking about" crowd. Because the latter are so pure and don't read up on what goes on in the day-to-day discussions on gaming. You innocent sons of bitches. I really, truly wish I was you. I am a man witnessing madness and devolving affairs and speaking on it and you can just tell me I'm crazy and allow my review to pass over you. The innocence of ignorance. You don't know the gooners will be at your doorstep, soon. They'll come for you and your mom's retirement checks that you use to buy Jujustsu Kaisen figures. Truly, willful centrism is your zion.
My real message here: Jerk your dick to your heart's content, just don't let your jerk bait define you.
Stellar Blade, everyone.
The Big Con
2021
I love everything about this game. The art, the music, the story, and oh my goodness the 90’s everything. Though I was not actually born in the 90’s, I was always surrounded by 90’s stuff for whatever reason. My primary source of entertainment as a child was an old CRT (the only TV my parents had) alongside my collection of Hand-me-down VHS tapes from family. The one crappy Canadian TV channel I had access to had no good original shows, and so it would mostly rerun 90’s nickelodeon cartoons. For a period of my life I even lived in a neighbourhood in Toronto that had been largely built up in the 90’s, and remained visually pretty much unchanged since then. All this is to say that I felt an immense attachment to everything in this game and exploring its world was genuinely amazing. Even the story was pretty charming for only being around 3-4 hours long. If I were to have ONE complaint it's that one of the main characters that accompanies you just DISAPPEARS before the end of the game and NEVER GETS A CONCLUSION TO HIS STORY. Otherwise though this game is seriously amazing and incredible and perfect and amazing and incredible and perfect and also amazing and incredible and oh, also perfect and fabulous and the best video game ever.
best metroidvania since Dread but nobody knows that because everyone got mad that a game set in Persia stars a black dude
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