eldwitch
10 reviews liked by eldwitch
Not as good as the mona lisa is still pretty good
Hotline Miami
2012
When are we going to admit that this game spawned a genre? Katana Zero, Deadbolt, My Friend Pedro, I could go on.
Garten of Banban 6
2023
they managed to make it worse because there's nothing funny that happens and it's just boring. the puzzles all suck, the story sucks, game is ass
Outer Wilds
2019
bounced off this game hard a few years ago and just wanted to say its fucking hilarious how outer wilds fans will post a picture of a frog floating in space alongside "PLEASE DO NOT UNSPOILER IF YOU HAVE NOT BEATEN OUTER WILDS: THIS MEME WILL RUIN THE GAME OF THE DECADE FOR YOU"
Garten of Banban 7
2024
a distinctly more interesting banban, but still not one worth more than a laugh in vc
this dlc is 3 sections, the first being an ok cliffs notes version of the first RE, the second being a dogshit sewer segment that doesn't work at all, and the third being a scripted qte boss fight, we beat it in 40 minutes and most of that time was spent fucking around trying to get the ai to work in the sewer
this is so dogshit that i turned to my co-op partner and said "do you actually want to finish this" and neither of us did, do you know how bad something has to be for that to happen, you can have fun rolling a rock around with a stick if it's co-op
knowing now that all meaning and themes attributed to this game are nothing because it was written with the intent of patting on the back people who cross the street when they see a brown person, i have nothing good to say about it
from the point of view of someone who cares about games as a medium, i hate that every game is this now, a misery simulator without any story beyond beating a character until the audience feels bad, treating isis decapitation videos as the peak of emotional storytelling
from the point of view of a human, free palestine, the ideology that inspired this game is disgusting and i regret every giving it the benefit of the doubt
from the point of view of someone who cares about games as a medium, i hate that every game is this now, a misery simulator without any story beyond beating a character until the audience feels bad, treating isis decapitation videos as the peak of emotional storytelling
from the point of view of a human, free palestine, the ideology that inspired this game is disgusting and i regret every giving it the benefit of the doubt
Doom Eternal
2020
its called eternal because the discourse about it is
know the office rules
overconfident idiot who learns better (male): compelling, fun, shows maturity in writing
overconfident idiot who learns better (female): BITCH, MARY SUE, THE WORST CHARACTER IN FFXIV HISTORY
Dawntrail is a filter for people who have never played a final fantasy game, providing a good but slow story alongside flatout the best encounter design the game has ever seen. I think there's a lot that people will hate the first half and love the second half, and the opposite. The story is very much that of a self contained final fantasy game, for better or worse. Even though I liked the story from beginning to end, it's got pacing problems like no expac before it, and I think the blame for that lies squarely on the shoulders of too many non voiced cutscenes that could have just been textboxes without anything being lost.
But that's boring to talk about honestly. The story's subjective. I know people that love ARR, love SB, hate ShB. What's dope as hell is the dungeons and trials. It'll have to be seen if the raid series shit the bed or not but right now? These are the best the dungeons and trials have ever been. The final boss of Dawntrail is my new favorite fight in the game and it's not even close. The first trial is tough enough that we had to decide a prio system in a duty finder party!!! In a normal mode trial!!! It's crazy how the braindead easy endwalker patch trials became this, god DAMN.
So yeah, gameplay's good, story is hit or miss but I think it's got a lot more to like than Stormblood. Is it better than Shadowbringers or Endwalker? No, but I think it clears Heavensward pretty easy. Might update with more stuff as the extra content rolls in, might not.
there's a capybara mount now and it's probably the smallest mount in the game, so perfect
overconfident idiot who learns better (male): compelling, fun, shows maturity in writing
overconfident idiot who learns better (female): BITCH, MARY SUE, THE WORST CHARACTER IN FFXIV HISTORY
Dawntrail is a filter for people who have never played a final fantasy game, providing a good but slow story alongside flatout the best encounter design the game has ever seen. I think there's a lot that people will hate the first half and love the second half, and the opposite. The story is very much that of a self contained final fantasy game, for better or worse. Even though I liked the story from beginning to end, it's got pacing problems like no expac before it, and I think the blame for that lies squarely on the shoulders of too many non voiced cutscenes that could have just been textboxes without anything being lost.
But that's boring to talk about honestly. The story's subjective. I know people that love ARR, love SB, hate ShB. What's dope as hell is the dungeons and trials. It'll have to be seen if the raid series shit the bed or not but right now? These are the best the dungeons and trials have ever been. The final boss of Dawntrail is my new favorite fight in the game and it's not even close. The first trial is tough enough that we had to decide a prio system in a duty finder party!!! In a normal mode trial!!! It's crazy how the braindead easy endwalker patch trials became this, god DAMN.
So yeah, gameplay's good, story is hit or miss but I think it's got a lot more to like than Stormblood. Is it better than Shadowbringers or Endwalker? No, but I think it clears Heavensward pretty easy. Might update with more stuff as the extra content rolls in, might not.
there's a capybara mount now and it's probably the smallest mount in the game, so perfect