I noticed tonight that I'd just never played this one, and couldn't decide what I wanted to do. "It's a big blemish on my gamer card!" I thought, and got to it in about an hour and a half. Well... Carried by aesthetics? Very much a platformer of its time otherwise, I didn't really think it was all that. Lots of blind jumps you just have to remember that are there or enemies placed that will immediately walk into you as soon as they load. Likely a limitation of screen real estate on the hardware with sprites the way they are in this game. I always heard that Diddy feels better to play as in this game but I don't get that honestly, DK feels far easier to use. There's not any extra movement abilities he misses out on or anything, he's just bigger. I get how this could leave a huge impact on someone that had never played better before, but sadly I've played other games.

this is the third time i've tried to get into phoenotopia - i got really frustrated by some of the difficulty, e.g. no i-frames after taking damage, consuming food (i.e. potions) in real-time, and rapidly depleting stamina when attacking. but i was in the mood for this type of game (i.e. a light-hearted, low stakes zelda-like), so i figured i'd give it another go.

this time, i turned down every difficulty setting as low as it will go, and i will say it definitely improved my experience. i was hoping this would let the exploration and puzzle solving take more of a leading role in the game, which i suppose it did - however, it just wasn't that exceptional in my opinion (this assessment is after ~8hrs of gameplay. i had just turned in the bounty for Birdy). everything is "fine", from the story to the music to the secrets. but when i considered that HLTB lists this game as 35hrs for the main story alone, i decided that i didn't want another ~30h of "fine".

On par with Doom 2016 in terms of quality and gameplay, if a bit bloated, but it lacks the great environmental storytelling. I'm well aware most people don't care for story in FPS games. But the environmental storytelling in something like the first Doom, Doom 3 and Doom 2016 adds a great layer of immersion that improves the game.

The "chosen one, God slayer" story this game has is not only written poorly, has no emotional impact and slows down the pace but it actively detracts from the experience. It's downright embarrassing at times how much they try to sell the Doom Slayer as a cool dude everyone is afraid of. The games I mentioned prior make him seem cool without trying hard to, in a very organic way.

At this point in time, Rare didn’t necessarily have the best track record when it came to their releases. Sure, they did have the Battletoads franchise, which mostly managed to have pretty solid games, and they had developed several other games that hold up relatively well, but most of the rest of the games that they have developed were either uninteresting, forgotten, or just straight up terrible. It was enough for them to stay in the business for as long as they had been, but not to the point where they could reach the same level of success and notoriety as other developers, like Capcom, Squaresoft, or Konami. That is, until they were approached by Nintendo who, after seeing what they could pull off with games on the SNES using pre-rendered graphics, decided to give them a shot at developing a brand new game in a similar style so they could compete with what games like Aladdin were doing on the Genesis. They were given the reigns to make a new game in the DK franchise, which, aside from the Game Boy game that had been released earlier in the year, hadn’t really seen any major attention in nearly a decade, and thus, Rare went on to not only make a new game to reintroduce DK to modern audiences, but to also completely re-invent the character and his world, changing both DK and Rare's reputation forever. This would result in what would become the start of one of the best sub-series that DK would ever be a part of, Donkey Kong Country.

I have had quite the history with the DKC series over the years, with my first proper introduction to the series being with DKC Returns back in 2010, when I was still a dumb kid, and I had no clue as to what a Super Nintendo or a Rareware was. Eventually, I would discover the wonders of what we refer to as “retro gaming”, and it would lead to me getting my hands on a SNES for myself, with this being one of the first games that I had ever gotten with the system. I don’t think I had ever heard of the game beforehand, so needless to say, I was excited to try it out, and naturally, I ended up loving it. So now that I am playing it again after all this time, I can say that it holds up extremely well, being pretty basic for a platformer, but having some of the best design, personality, and fun challenges from any platformer of this era, and it successfully managed to reinvent DK into what he would be to this day.

The story is pretty simple, where the villainous King K. Rool steals Donkey Kong’s banana hoard with the help of his Kremlings, which makes DK very sad, so he then sets out with his nephew Diddy Kong to go beat them up and get his bananas back, which is a very silly premise, but one that fits perfectly for this series, and I am all here for it. The graphics are pretty good, not only having a pretty unique style for a SNES game at that point, but also holding up extremely well, with all of the different models for the characters, enemies, and bosses looking very charming, and the environments look just as great right alongside them, the music is fantastic, with there being plenty of different tracks that I still love to listen to to this day, such as the final boss theme, the theme for the first level, and my favorite track in the whole game, the underwater level theme (if I drowned IRL while this music played, I would be going out happy), the control is pretty great, with both DK and Diddy having the proper weight to them, and each action they can perform feels just right on a SNES controller, and the gameplay itself is pretty basic for the genre it takes on, but it still manages to be a solid experience all the way through, and I would rather a game be simple yet solid rather than experimental yet flawed.

The game is a 2D platformer, where you take control of either Donkey Kong or Diddy Kong, go through many different worlds, each one containing their own set of levels that will challenge you in plenty of different ways, defeat many different enemies and Kremlings along the way while gathering plenty of bananas, collectibles, and power-ups to assist you on your way, find many of the other members of the Kong family such as Funky Kong, the coolest motherfucker on the planet, Candy Kong, the Kong who made a lot of kids question themselves when they were younger, and Cranky Kong, the Kong who resembled everybody’s grandparents in one way or another, who will each help you out in their own way (except for Cranky, who just says you suck and makes you depressed), and take on plenty of bosses that will prove to be quite the “challenge” to overcome to get your precious bananas back. A lot of it is pretty standard for a platformer, and some who aren’t new to the genre may question why you would bother playing it with plenty of other options out there, but not only does the graphical and musical style help give this game its own unique identity that holds up extremely well to this day, but it also still manages to be a fun game all on its own, with many ways it changes up the formula and keep you going.

For every single level in the game that you go through, there is always something new and exciting waiting for you, even if the changes may not be as big as others. You start out going through a pretty typical platformer level, nothing too exciting for you to see or do, but then you get to levels where you will be going through ancient temples, fighting different foes, finding different animal buddies that can help you take out enemies and give you more momentum, and there are even extreme cases of changing up the gameplay, such as levels where you are riding minecarts, ones where you are grabbing fuel for a conveyor belt you are riding on, and ones where you are turning on the lights to keep the Satan crocodiles from waking up. While some of these gimmicks are definitely preferable over others, each one is very fun to go through and experience, all while the game makes you think more and more about what to do in each situation, even if the goal is obvious.

What also helps keep this game fun and fresh throughout the entire journey would be in terms of its difficulty. For those of you who have played this game, you know it isn’t easy in the slightest, and while I wouldn’t say it is as hard as other platformers out there like Castlevania or Ninja Gaiden, there are still plenty of the moments where the game will test your skills in pretty extreme ways, such as with precarious platforming in plenty of levels, adding gimmicks like wind and barrels you need to shoot out of, timing your jumps on minecart segments effectively, and so many more examples. However, despite how hard it can be, it never feels unfair. There is always a chance for you to figure out what to do, how to overcome these challenges, whether it be through simple trial and error, or just by taking your time, and even if you do manage to fuck up and get a game over, if you have been using save points properly, then you shouldn’t be sent too far back to where it discourages you from continuing forward. Not to mention, it feels immensely rewarding whenever you do conquer some of the challenges in this game, managing to make it to the next save point so that you can press on towards whatever challenge may lie ahead.

For those of you wanting a little more out of your platformers though, fear not, because this game isn’t just a simple “run to the end and you win” kinda deal… or at least, it doesn’t have to be, anyway. Throughout each of the level, there are plenty of different bonus areas that you can access, each one giving you some kind of bonus, whether it be with extra lives, or even by sending you to this bonus area where you can collect all of these golden tokens as one of your animal buddies for even more extra lives! Not only do they help you prepare for the journey ahead, but each one does add to your percentage total, and it can even change the ending that you get if you manage to find everything… which isn’t much different then the normal ending, but it will keep Cranky Kong from complaining too much, fucking old-ass prick. They are pretty fun to go for, not just for the sake of completion, but they can be pretty tricky to find to, making you really look around every corner to see what walls or floors are breakable, and where else you could look just in case you end up missing something along the way.

So yeah, most of this game is a blast from start to finish, but there are some gripes that I have with it that do keep it from being a perfect game in my eyes. For one thing, the boss fights FUCKING SUCK, not because they are too hard, but moreso because they are uncreative and boring. Most of them consist of just bigger versions of enemies that you fight in the regular levels, with some of these even being repeated as the game goes on, and while some of them try to mix things up a bit, it’s only methods of doing so is by either giving you a different weak spot to hit, or just by taking on an enemy gauntlet, which isn’t exactly fun to deal with. The only good boss in the entire game is the final one against K. Rool, because not only does the foe you fight actually put up a fight, but the ways in which he does and when you can hit him is pretty creative, and it keeps you on your toes.

Secondly, while most of the elements in this game are pretty fair, and you can get through a lot of the challenges easily, there are some things that were put into this game that I am just not a fan of. There’s one example of this that sticks out to me as clear as day, and that is with one of the bonus areas that you find in Oil Drum Alley. Whenever you go into one of the other bonus levels in the stage and clear it out, you have to take the barrel that you get and throw it ABOVE the wall that you would normally hit in order to clear it out, which will grant you access to another bonus area you need to go through. If you don’t know about this on your first go, and you end up missing it, you cannot go back and try getting it again, making it so that, if you are going for 101% completion, you are FUCKED. That’s not necessarily that bad for those who just wanna go through the game normally, and I myself have never had this happen to me, but the fact that it can happen at all is pretty shitty, and I’d imagine there is at least one person out there who didn’t know about it, figured out what they was missing, and had their day ruined because of it.

Overall, despite the terrible bosses and some secrets having strict punishments for not finding them, the original DKC is still a fantastic game after almost 30 years, having very fun platforming challenges, wonderful visuals and music, and plenty of things to do for those that wanna go the extra mile that you usually wouldn’t go for in a platformer like this. I would highly recommend it for those who are fans of Donkey Kong, as well as those who love 2D platformers in the first place, because while this certainly isn’t my favorite game in the series, it is still one of the best platformers you can play on the SNES, and one that would launch an equally fantastic series that would continue to get installments for years to come…………. at least, until 2014, that is. Seriously, Nintendo, bring back Donkey Kong in a brand new game already! And maybe also try to bring back the Kremlings while you’re at it, too. That would be nice.

Game #532

this is one of the few recent pokemon hacks to go for it and make a full new region from scratch. in a few ways it pays off, but in others it doesn’t.

for some positives, the whole thing is very impressive. there’s huge variety in pokemon to use and mechanics, dozens of sidequests, and a lot of cool areas. i did mostly enjoy what was on offer at least at the high points.

unfortunately, this length and depth has its setbacks. the entire thing is just TOO long and bloated. there’s areas and sidequests basically directly ripped from other pokemon games that just do not need to be here and it leads to the entire journey feeling like it drags and drags and drags. the story is also nothing special and yet there are regularly LONG cutscenes right before major battles which is miserable if you ever have to reset. i have no problem with the wealth of postgame content, but the main game needed several more trimmings to not feel like such a slog.

also final note fuck whoever made the ground elite four member what do you MEAN permanent unremovable sandstorm + sand rush pokemon spamming flinch moves???

One of the better romhacks with a fantastic pokedex and a ton of QoL features, Unbound is absolutely wonderful and a joy to play...when it shuts up and gives you time to play.

There are fun battle challenges, gimmick battles that change the way Pokémon types work, different difficulty settings, a character customizer, lots of optional side-quests that have worthwhile rewards, post-game content for legendaries, a new game plus mode, mega evolutions, dynamax raids, level-scaling trainer battles - all of which make Unbound feel fresh despite being one of a billion FireRed hacks out there now. All of the optional content also helps to make it as long or short as you'd like, which I appreciated, since in a lot of other games you finally get your team together just before the game ends. The New Game Plus feature helps with that as well.

However, holy crap the story is so overwrought and hackneyed to the point where my eyes were permanently stuck rolled into the back of my head anytime I had to do main quest missions that weren't gyms. Not only is the premise ridiculous, but the NPCs talk way too long. These two issues combined to drive me insane at parts.

My only other tiny issue is giving out pseudolegendaries for starters, which is a trend in romhacks that I personally really dislike.

That being said, everything else in the game oozes charm and I had an absolute blast playing Unbound.

I started to think you couldn't construct a single-player pokemon campaign that is satisfying the whole way through, but this certainly gave me a kick in the ass. This game is pretty much the perfect pokemon game, and I'm not sure any other games in the series even come close to it. It's simply the best.

The main campaign has a decent little story. You're definitely not playing for the actual story, but it's the best out of every normal pokemon game, not that it's a high bar. What it does perfectly though is guide you through the game. It always felt like a push to keep exploring and moving forward rather than an actual main focus.

The teambuilding is astounding. It manages to give you every tool needed to make an absolutely perfect team with so much room for gimmicks and weather, whatever you want. I ended up running a sort of "hazard stack lite" with webs and rocks. I was able to fall in love with Minior after catching it on route 1. It was always a pokemon I liked but it was nothing I really loved because I never used it in my life. Now it's one of my absolute favorites. I really loved using Metagross and its line. It felt useful the entire game, even in that awkward period where it has to just be an eviolite tank. It became my best pokemon after it could mega. The other super notable pokemon I got was the Zygarde I hunted down. I got it after the 5th gym, and was actually super disappointed by how bad it was. Before the seventh gym I was gonna drop it, but then I taught it dragon dance by tutor and found the tm for earthquake and suddenly it became a complete monster, carrying my lategame on its back.

There is a lot of worthwhile side content in the game too. I took my sweet time combing through every town and doing quite a few missions before I even hit the post-game, and it was all fun. I found most NPCs had something valuable to say, and I think that's super cool. The quest to even get my Zygarde required a lot of exploration.

The game also has a full brand new ost. It's like, a full one, not like Insurgence that just has like ten songs. This game has a great soundtrack that I actually would say is better than the majority of official pokemon games, which I already rank quite high on this front. They definitely nailed the normal battle theme, I can't imagine getting sick of it.

Absolute perfect package. Proof that Gamefreak really are hacks. Fan games like this are what make me stay a pokemon fan throughout the years.

Crusader Kings III is an amazing strategic rpg that has so much content. There is a crazy amount of stuff to do, you could start a religion, you could conquer the globe, or you could just grow your family until you have 425 generations.

Although there are some issues, whilst this was is an awesome game and one I would usually really enjoy (and I mean REALLY enjoy) Crusader kings just falls short, I can really only play it for an hour or two before I start to get bored. I think this has to do with a lack of an end goal. Other than this this though I would still recommend this to someone who wants to play a good strategic rpg.

At this point in time, Bubble Bobble had already made a name for itself as a simple, yet addictive and consistently great series of arcade platformers, ones that you and a buddy could easily pick up and enjoy for a good couple of hours, even if it can get repetitive at times. Of course though, like with any major video game franchise, the series would have plenty of spin-off and side games that would be released over the years, with some of these games, like the Rainbow Islands series, continuing the same platforming gimmicks that Bubble Bobble would introduce, while also shaking them up in new, interesting ways. But of course, the series wouldn’t be limited to just platformers, as there would be another game made right alongside the mainline games that would take on the puzzle genre, spawning its own successful series that would get plenty of sequels for years to come, and that game in question would be Puzzle Bobble………………. no, I am not calling it Bust-A-Move, I REFUSE to call it that.

While I am somewhat familiar with the mainline Bubble Bobble games, I had never played any of the Puzzle Bobble games before now, primarily just because I wasn’t interested. Like with most puzzle games out there, if it wasn’t something like Bejewled or Dr. Mario, it just didn’t interest me as a kid, and I figured that Puzzle Bobble would just fall right alongside those other games as just being another series of generic puzzle games. But hey, since I have been trying out more puzzle games recently, I figured I would go ahead and give the first game a shot, and I am glad that I did, because it’s actually really goddamn good! It is pretty simple, all things considered, and it probably doesn’t offer as much as later games in the series, but for what we got here, it’s still fun, addicting, and pleasant enough to make me wanna check out the sequels at some point.

The graphics are great, having that cute-sy feel that a Bubble Bobble game should have, while also having simple, yet engaging enough visuals for the main puzzle element that keeps your eyes glued to the screen, the music is good, being cheerful and energetic enough to where you will remember it after playing the game, but as is tradition with these games, it is pretty much the only track that plays for the entire game, and it can get pretty repetitive after a while, and the control/gameplay is pretty basic once you figure it all out (which won’t take long for you to do at all), but it manages to keep you hooked long enough to where you wanna see just how far you can get before your sanity won’t let you anymore.

The game is a typical arcade puzzle game, where you take control of Bub, go through a set of 32 very similar levels filled with plenty of multi-colored bubble, shoot your own set of multi-colored bubbles at them to link them together in plenty of places, match three or more to have them pop to give yourself more points and clear them all out, and panic frequently when the bubbles are pushed towards the bottom of the screen, making it easier for you to fuck up and lose. It is a very simple game, and upon going into it, you can easily assess what you are meant to do and how to do it, but not only does the game switch up the bubble formations to trick you up as you keep going, it also makes this simple concept that much more fun to take on and try to get a high score in.

Back when I reviewed Puyo Puyo, I mentioned how, when it comes to any successful puzzle game series, having a formula that works right from the get-go with the first entry is essential, otherwise you are just going to have a bunch of mediocre, or just plain bad, games that I don’t wanna play or even look at. Thankfully though, when it comes to Puzzle Bobble, this just may be my favorite set-up for a traditional puzzle game that I have seen yet. It isn’t perfect by any means, but it does provide that sense of satisfaction a puzzle game should give off, it isn’t too challenging to where you feel like you can’t properly succeed, and unlike with Puyo Puyo, I am smart enough to actually figure this one out! And let me tell ya, the feeling that you get whenever you manage to shoot a bubble at a series of bubbles along the top of the column that manages to drop them all down to where you instantly win………… it may actually feel better than sex, it is so great. Not to mention, there is a 2-player vs. mode, so if you have been looking for a simple enough puzzle game to play with your friends, then look no further than this.

Now, with all that being said, I can’t say that this game is perfect by any means, as it does have several issues that hold it back in certain different ways. In terms of the game itself, there isn’t really much I can say that I don’t like about it, except for the fact that it does have a certain luck factor to it that can make it frustrating at points. There were plenty of times where the bubbles would be close to reaching the bottom of the screen, and I couldn’t clear them out in time simply due to the fact that the game wouldn’t give me the right color of bubble that I needed at that time, and I would have to keep building up on the column I had until it ultimately crashed and burned. Of course, that is to be expected from a game like this, but it still worth pointing out regardless. Outside of the game though, the only real other complaint I could have about it is that, most likely, it is just outdated at this point. There have been plenty of sequels to this game, each one I imagine expanding upon the gameplay and visuals in ways that make it much better to play and enjoy, so there isn’t much this game has going for it in comparison to its sequels, other then that it is the first one. That doesn’t make the game bad, mind you, but it just makes it less desirable over the other games.

Overall, despite some luck that could screw you over and being outdated in comparison to other games, the original Puzzle Bobble was a really fun time, being one of the best old-school puzzle games that I have ever played, and I am now really looking forward to trying out some of the other games in the series at some point in the future. I would recommend it for those who are big fans of old-school puzzle games in general, as well as those who enjoy some of the later titles in the series, because while this may not be as good as those other titles, it still manages to stand on its own and be enjoyable to this very day. And people were saying that Tetris was the biggest, baddest puzzle game out there, but does that game have tiny, adorable dragons shooting bubbles from their mouths? I don’t think so!

Game #516

For every generation of systems that Nintendo had up to this point (and by that, I mean only three of them), each one has had at least one Castlevania title, and while some of them definitely haven’t held up the best over the years, most of them kick all of the ass. The NES had Castlevania I and III, the SNES had Super Castlevania IV, the Game Boy had Belmont’s Revenge, and even other platforms like the Turbografx-16 had Rondo of Blood, so yeah, there was plenty of good Castlevania to go around. But… what about with Sega? At this point, they had received zero love from the series whatsoever, which is understandable, given Nintendo’s iron grip on developers back in the day, but come on, Sega needs some of that dracula love at some point! Well, thankfully, they would eventually get some of that love, with the only Castlevania game to ever be released on a Sega system, Castlevania: Bloodlines.

It had taken me a bit of a while to get to this game initially back in the day, probably because I had no clue that it even existed. I was well aware of the NES and SNES Castlevania games at the time, but I wasn’t aware of this particular title until I implemented a little element into my life called “research”. So, I found the game, I played it, and I loved it, which I can easily say is still the case all these years later. Not surprising, but this is yet another fantastic entry in the Castlevania series, one that doesn’t quite reach the peak of Nirvanha like Super Castlevania IV or Rondo of Blood, but one that manages to stand all on its own and deliver quite a great time.

The story is what you have come to expect from Castlevania… for the most part, where a vampire by the name of Elizabeth Bartley seeks to revive her uncle, Dracula, back from the dead, and she does so by starting World War I (no, I’m not kidding) and spreading chaos all over Europe, so it is up to two brave souls to take it upon themselves to save Europe from her deadly forces, and to stop Dracula’s revival, which is mostly what you expect from Castlevania, but the added details and new villain is a nice touch. The graphics are pretty good, being very vibrant and colorful with plenty of great animations throughout all of the stages, the music is, naturally, incredible, with it not reaching the same heights as IV and other games, but at the same time, it has a very unique style that no other game in the series had at the point, and it fits wonderfully with the game, the control is mostly what you would expect, not being as free and fun to get a handle on like in IV, but still offering plenty to work with, and the gameplay is standard for a Castlevania game, but with its own set of gimmicks and ideas to make it more exciting.

The game is a 2D action platformer, where you take control of either John Morris or Eric Lecarde, go through many different stand-out locations seen all throughout Europe, defeat the many wicked monsters that you will find with whatever weapon best suits the situation, gather plenty of gems, health items, and sub-weapons to help you out along the way to ensure success, and take on plenty of bosses, some being typical for the setting and series, with others being of a… unique variety. Any Castlevania player should be able to jump into this game pretty easily, as nothing has changed too drastically from previous games. Nevertheless, it still remains pretty fun to go through, not only while messing around with the new features the game gives you, but also with quirks it also carries.

While it does look, sound, and play very similarly to past Castlevania titles, you can tell right from the moment you turn on the game that Bloodlines has its own style and set of flavors that make it stand out from other games. Since this game is on the Genesis, Konami took full advantage of having less restrictions when it came to the content they showed off in the game. When you hit the title screen, you are greeted by a pool of blood, accompanied by the rib cage of a long-gone creature, finishing it off with the logo of the game dripping blood to add to what is already there. As you go along in the game, some enemies will have much more detailed death animations, spilling guts and blood all around them, their body parts exploding and revealing organs and bone. Hell, even when you play as Eric, whenever you die, the spear that you are holding ends up flying through the air and landing straight on you, stabbing you through your side.

They clearly did not hold back on the gore and blood factor for this game, which, while not as extreme as something like Mortal Kombat or Splatterhouse, was still pretty intense for a game like this, and it makes the game all the better for it. What also adds onto this extra layer of flavor are with the very creative bosses that can be seen throughout the game, such as with a boss made out of gears, Mothra from the Godzilla movies (it may as well be), an extremely sinister hellhound, and one of Dracula’s final forms, which is a creepy-ass demon creature that has a mouth on his crotch (if we don’t ask questions, we will remain happy). Not only are they pretty fun to fight, but their appearance and ways of attacking make them all the more memorable.

As for the gameplay, it also stays relatively similar to the other games in the series, but with several new additions seen throughout. From the start, you get the option of playing as either John or Eric, each one of them having differences that help them stand out from each other, with John playing closer to that of one of the Belmonts, wielding a whip that he can swing in multiple directions and use to swing across gaps, and as for Eric, he wields a spear instead, which doesn’t have as much versatility as the whip, but does have a longer range, and it allows him to perform a super jump whenever the situation calls for it. Both of them are pretty fun to play as, being similar enough to each other, while having key elements that make you wanna try them out. Not to mention, with these unique traits, one character can access parts of a level that another one cannot, which encourages multiple playthroughs to see what else the game has in store for you, which I am all on board for.

In addition to this, there is also the sub-weapons, which work almost identically to how they worked in the other games, but this time with a big difference. If you upgrade your weapon to its strongest form, it will also allow you to use more powerful versions of the sub-weapons, such as with the axe, you can now throw multiples of them rather then just one, and with the Holy Water, you can now unleash a wave of holy fire rather then just one spot on the ground. Honestly, I myself never really found a need to use these new sub-weapon upgrades, as the game is perfectly manageable without them as is, but even then, having the option to acquire and use these is, again, much appreciated, and I imagine it would definitely help out newcomers when they try out the game for themselves.

Now, despite all of the good things that this game has going for it, there are quite a few things that hold it back from being too good. First of all, unlike all of the other Castlevania games before this, which had unlimited continues, this game felt the need to give you only a couple of them, and can I just ask, WHY?! Yeah, this may not matter for those playing the game through re-releases and modern hardware, but just in terms of the game itself, it is still Castlevania, which means it can kick your ass whenever it wants to, and as such, you need every continue you can get. Secondly, while most of the game is fun to play through, there are some parts that are just annoying to get through.

In the last stage of the game, there is this one section where parts of the screen are distorted from each other, making it so that, visually, your body will disconnect, making it pretty difficult to judge where you are and what you should do in order to ensure your safety. Oh, and not to mention, you also have Medusa heads constantly flying by, which also adds onto the annoyance. Sure, it isn’t too hard, but again, it is just more annoying to deal with then anything, especially since you are then greeted by an anti-gravity section immediately after it, and that is about as fun as it sounds. And just to top it all off, as if the devs knew exactly how to get on my nerves, there is a boss rush that you gotta deal with, which I don’t let get to me too much, because it is almost the end of the game, but still.

Overall, despite the limited continues, as well as several sections of the game being way more annoying to deal with then they need to be, for being the series’ only venture onto Sega platforms, Castlevania: Bloodlines manages to deliver a familiar, yet fresh new experience that any Castlevania fan would be able to sink their teeth into and enjoy all the while. I would definitely recommend it for those who were fans of the previous games, or if you are fans of the series in general, because there is plenty here for you to love and enjoy all the same. But anyway, now that we are done with playing that game, what Castlevania game is next up on the list?.......... ooh, bastardization! My favorite!

Game #501

If you have been following my reviews on this website for quite a while now, you would know that I have played quite a few Gradius games at this point… well, “a few” of them is putting it lightly. Either way, through my experience with playing almost 10 of these games now, I have really enjoyed my time with them. Yeah, not much changes between each entry, but it just has this simple loop of gameplay that always makes me wanna go back and play more of it, despite how repetitive it gets, or how much the game wants to beat my face in. With all that being said though, there is one aspect of the series that I have been… neglecting up to this point. Not because I don’t want to address it, but more so because I both wanted to focus on the main series of games before jumping into whatever else this franchise has got to offer, and because… I am somewhat afraid of what I might find when I do address it. But hey, I guess I gotta bite the bullet sooner or later, and we will start to bite said bullet by reviewing the first game in that series, Parodius: The Octopus Saves the Earth.

For those who don’t know, Parodius is essentially the sister series to Gradius, being made not too long after the first Gradius originally came out, and is primarily known for being a parody series meant to make fun of Gradius. Most of the elements Gradius is known for is present, but a lot of the other aspects it has such as the enemies, bosses, environments, and the characters you play as are all radically changed to be as stupid, cute, or even inappropriate as possible, which does make it all the more interesting as a result. So, I decided to give the first game a try, and it was a good time, being what you would expect from Gradius gameplay-wise, but also giving you a hilarious and unique experience in every other way.

The story is just as stupid as the game itself, where a space octopus named Tako, whose main purpose in life is programming dreams for all the stupid humans on Earth, are all suddenly being eaten up by the nefarious Bug, who is a giant space tapir, so it is up to Tako, along with a bunch of other colorful characters, to go storm into his lair and get him to cut that shit out… yes, that is actually the story of the game, and I love it so much. The graphics are… exactly what you would expect from a Gradius game, but all of the different designs for the enemies, bosses, and characters do make it more visually appealing, so I will give it that, the music is pretty good, having a good mix of both great tunes and stupid ones to make you feel right at home with this game, and the control/gameplay is Gradius through and through, so you will feel right at home… somewhat, when you decide to play the game for yourself.

The game is a vertical space shooter, where you can take control of either Tako, the penguin from Antarctic Adventure, Goemon (yes, that Goemon), Popolon from Knightmare, or the Vic Viper just in case this feels too weird for you, go through a set of six levels through plenty colorful and weird environments in space, shoot whatever strange creatures you encounter along your way while making sure to dodge every single projectile towards you, gather plenty of upgrades to select to make yourself much faster and stronger than your foes, and take on plenty of bosses that will test your speed and reflexes while you question what the fuck you are looking at. It’s Gradius, folks, so you know exactly what you are gonna get once you step over that starting gate, but at the end of the day, it still ends up being fun for big fans like me, even if it doesn’t reach the same quality as other titles in the series.

When I say it is just a Gradius game at its core, I mean it, as it plays identically to one, with no changes made to the gameplay whatsoever to advance the series. That may cause some to be turned away, but it makes up for its lack of innovation with its style. Like with TwinBee, the game’s primary appeal is with the strange elements you will see throughout your journey, except unlike with TwinBee, the weirdness scale is turned all the way up to 100 here. You have the option of playing as an octopus, a penguin, a knight, or some japanese guy while flying through space, you fight off enemies such as penguin heads, fighter pilots, literal pieces of shit, and giant moles that come out of the ground.

The bosses that you can face can range from a giant penguin, a giant tapir, a… weird bag hanging on a string (I don’t know what they are called), or even two giant, disgusting maids, and some of the levels you go through include one an ice kingdom, one filled with birthday cakes, and one full of religious gravestones and worship sites that remind you to constantly be in fear of whatever god is looming over you, just waiting to strike………………………….. but yay, cake! It is all extremely weird, uncomfortable, and oh so wonderful, making this one of the most disturbingly creative shmups I have ever played in terms of the visuals and variety, which is scary, because the further I go, there’s probably gonna be even more weird shit they throw at me in future games.

With all that being said though, if none of the insanity that occurs in this game is enough to win you over, then at the end of the day, it is just another Gradius game. If you have played any other game in the series before this, then you know exactly what you will get out of it, and thus, you will probably skip it to go onto other titles that manage to provide more engaging gameplay. As for me though, I will gladly embrace all of the stupidity this game gave me, as well as whatever else this series wants to throw at me later down the road. I think my favorite weird element to come out of this entire game is with the second boss, where before the fight, you are able to choose between one of three hands that are either rock, paper, or scissors, and depending on what you choose, you can immediately kill the boss, who is a giant hand, without having to fight him at all. It’s shit like that that gives a game personality, and I am all here for it.

Overall, despite doing nothing to change up the core gameplay whatsoever, the original Parodius makes up for that with its insane, whacky charm that I desperately want to see more of, and as a whole, makes for a good time, one that I am glad that I decided to finally experience. I would recommend it for those of you who are Gradius fans, as well as those who love it when games aren’t afraid to get weird, because while this is a very simple kind of weird, it is still my kind of weird, and I love it for that. So, now that I have started off this series, I do have one requirement going forward: each game after this one has to get even weirder than this, to the point where when I am done with the entire series, my face will have melted off, and I can see the edge of the universe.

Game #511

While I am not the greatest fan of Chrono Trigger, I can at least appreciate it for trying to streamline the JRPG formula into a digestible and well presented format. It’s like a summer blockbuster: Not a lot to chew on, but you’ll leave the theater satisfied, and hey, you might wanna watch it again some time. It has interesting setpieces, great music, charming art design, it’s the exact kind of style-over-substance package that I can enjoy - and the parts of it that are actually idiosyncratic are genuinely interesting. I love the option to end the game prematurely at any point, for example, it’s a serious commitment to the whole idea of fighting a time traveling cosmic horror.

Now why am I comparing this game to critical darling Chrono Trigger? For Super Mario RPG it really does make sense: It’s a Squaresoft game, it’s meant for more casual players and it mainly tries to capture the audience through a “vibe”, an experience. To me, it seems like Super Mario RPG is trying to do the same kind of trick – pulling the wool over your eyes with its own sense of style and wackiness, trying to get you to hop on the ride and just have some fun with Mario’s shenanigans in this even-more-cartoonish-than-usual depiction of the Mushroom Kingdom.

But It just doesn’t work. I don’t care about Mario’s ride. Super Mario RPG fails at a very fundamental level to engage me and I almost feel bad for not “getting” it, because it’s trying so hard to be cute and charming, but it’s falling flat at every corner.

My biggest point of contention is that the core mechanics of the game just don’t really feel good. There is nothing to keep me even superficially engaged in the battle system, because every fight is laughably easy if you pay the slightest bit of attention, the attack animations are decent, but not outstanding, and worst of all, the action commands feel limp. The latter might seem like a small thing - you could almost call it a nitpick - but considering this is the action you do most often in combat, it only makes sense that it should be polished to a ridiculous degree, and it just isn’t. If you force me to do a timed button press for every single attack and to defend against every enemy attack during your 15-20 hour turn based RPG, you better make really damn sure that it feels incredible to do so. Give it some real crunch, make me feel that I succeeded, make me smile in anticipation before Mario attacks and make me hit that button with entusiasm, make a sound effect that evokes power, show me how the enemy reacts to my defensive action command, give it all some real visual flair. The action commands in this game feel like slapping 2 dry sponges together, I feel nothing when I pull them off. Where Paper Mario plays with sound effect crescendos and large visual indicators of success, Super Mario RPG does a little unsatisfactory jingle and puts some colored stars on the screen and calls it a day. This feeling isn’t helped by the fact that the timing for the special commands is weirdly obtuse and trial-and-error; some attacks have their timing window when the character is taking a swing, some have their window when the attack hits the enemy, and some have their timing window at an undiscernible point somewhere inbetween - and there is no actual indicator to tell when the button really needs to be pushed. You might say this type of timing trial and error is fun, but it’s not.

My second larger point of contention is that the general dungeon design is just forgettable. Most areas feel like a haphazardly slapped together collection of assets and rooms with enemies placed in random spots. Only a few rooms really give off the feeling that they have any deeper design thought put into them – platforming rooms, puzzle rooms or dungeon segments that pose any navigational challenge are rare. The dungeons are largely affairs of walking from point A to point B and fighting enemies inbetween (or not). None of the treasure chest placements are particularly exciting, either. If the dungeons were at least visually interesting or would transport an interesting theme, I could even forgive lackluster dungeon design, but a lot of the dungeons are just the most generic ideas you can think of for JRPGs. Forests. Roads. Sewers. A cave. A mountain. Riveting stuff. The worst part about it that there is so much use of recoloured assets between these excuses for dungeon ideas that there is no way they could ever shine. I am not saying that a Forest is an inherently bad dungeon setting if you pull it off with an interesting aesthetical style, but Super Mario RPG once again simply does not. The forests, roads, caves are neither mysterious, magical, nor do they even have interesting colour schemes, no, it’s just plain old forests, roads and caves. It tries to get away by painting over standard scenarios with it’s claymation art style and by injecting some Mario-Isms, but that’s too little to get away with ideas this generic. Even at its most creative, Mario RPG gets a “that’s kind of neat” out of me. A far cry from the medieval churches, futuristic factories, and ancient civilations from something like Chrono Trigger.

You might say that at least the visual style of the game is interesting and Super Mario RPGs character design really is one of its most distinctive traits, but also one of its most dissonant when it uses enemy designs that don’t fit the Mario mold. Why are there some designs that are trying to be spooky or unnerving (in children’s terms of course) when a lot of other enemies are just goofy looking cartoons? It feels a bit too directionless, there is also no coherent throughline for enemy types within a location. Some enemies are just funny little guys, and some are actual monsters you could describe as such. The character design doesn’t feel cohesive, it just feels like some were designed by Nintendo staff and others by Squaresoft staff.

The weirdest part is that by using these distinctly Non-Nintendo character designs in this setting, it feels like the game isn’t actually convinced that the Mario aesthetic is deserving of an RPG on its own. The principal antagonists are distinctly industrial entities, meant to represent weapons like knives, hammers and spears, whereas the known inhabitants of the mushroom kingdom are what you could call "core scrimblo". This feels weirdly out of place with the conceit that the game is entirely non-serious in its presentation of the story and the characters. There are basically no characters arcs or philosophies at play here, it’s just Mario fending off some invaders and it doesn’t really matter who those invaders are or why they are doing it. One of the first situations you are confronted with are Shy Guys on Pogo Sticks invading a town that you save by fighting a giant knife, and it doesn’t really get any more serious from there. The aesthetical contradictions could have been used to make a point, but the game doesn’t try to, and that makes it feel needlessly confused. At no point in the story is any real drive felt, it’s all silly and meant to be funny, so what is the point of the contrasting designs?

Since the story is so light-hearted, the jokes should at least land, but Mario RPG even fails at being funny most of the time – a lot the humor in the game is just the general idea of some concept or character trait being funny inherently, and these aren’t utilized for real set-ups and punchlines. An easy example: Bowser is a tough guy who is actually more worried about everything than he lets on, and he sometimes lets this slip. That’s the joke. There is no real execution at hand here, just wild gesturing in the direction of this contradictory behaviour. I am going cut the game some slack when I say that this is maybe the result of a subpar translation, because character reactions during story happenings also sometimes don’t really fit what is being said, but this still doesn't excuse the experience I had with that translation. Speaking of story, many of the humorous cutscenes feel like they are supposed to be somehow inherently funny because the main characters are pantomiming what happened to other characters. Now, character sprites in a SNES game are a rather limited resource, so what Mario and his friends are actually pantomiming at other people is often visually underwhelming, and it feels like I’m just supposed to laugh at the idea of pantomiming itself? The incidental jokes and cutscenes reflect a very superficial approach to humor where I feel I am supposed to laugh at the set up for a joke that is never followed up on.

If there is one thing I can say in favor of the game, it’s that I like the music. While it’s not my favorite SNES soundtrack, I can say that I had fun listening to the songs in the different locales and during battles. It hits just the right tone between tension and playfulness, and it’s generally catchy - I even like some of the songs in isolation, which is not something that happens often to me with SNES tracks, to be truthful.

I hate to be this negative about a game that is by all accounts a work of love, but as a whole package I would never recommend it. It’s a confused mess, failing to straddle the line between both the “Mario” and the “RPG” part and ends up satisfying the wish for neither. It tries to be experiential but doesn’t actually pull out all the stops to be remembered on the basis of its story or its locales and it leaves me with a very unsatisfactory feeling, like I wasted my time wishing for more. I feel like I will have forgotten most of the dungeons and characters in a month. I hoped that Mario’s first foray into the world of numbers would be more exciting, but I think I can at least look forward to the other games in the Mario RPG series being more up my alley.