My intention was to flame broil you up an ironic treatise on the destructive nature of capitalism passed off as a review for a fast-food slop video game, but I can't nail the satire any more than my tiny hands can hold a Whopper™, and I've watched Brooke Burke eat shit failing to corner her way through a BK drive-thru on her stupid, dumbass looking clown bike so many times that I no longer have the mental capacity to anyway.

Pocket Bike Racer offers up four circuits and three CCs, which at first glance might deceive you into thinking there's a decent amount of game here, but you'll barely make it into your six-finger pour of Ten High you use to dull the sting of living before you realize there's only five tracks. Damn, not even the cheapest whiskey west of the Rockies can save you now. How do they stretch that out? Well, each circuit is just a different game mode, and it's all rote kart racer mainstays like free battle. This game cost about 3.99$ when it released in 2006, I don't know that it's fair to expect more from it, but the dearth of content and unimaginative gameplay makes this the least interesting of the three games in the BK Trilogy and the easiest one to drop.

As with Big Bumpin', the controls do feel competent at least. Nothing about the game is broken, it's just that like the King himself, there's no life behind its eyes. How is it possible that a game cynically released to capitalize on a successful marketing campaign for a fast-food company could lack a soul? A sobering thought.

degenerate fighting game hiding behind illusory veil of 'honor' and 'fundamentals'; in other words, it's essentially perfect. love literally everything about this. haohmaru's heavy slash is the greatest fighting game button of all time. if samurai shodown 2019 had rollback netcode it'd probably be more of a 'forever' fighting game for me but it cant possibly match the lunacy of v special. go ahead, tell me what the D button does. you cant because its a fickle mistress that exists beyond the realm of logic

A victim of its own success.

I'm locking this review in now, because the tides are rapidly shifting for Helldivers 2. It should be no secret that this was a surprise darling that nobody expected to blow up to the scale that it did — least of all Arrowhead. There was some early bumpiness as player counts skyrocketed into the deep hundred-thousands and threatened to crack a million, leaving the servers on life support. Unlike its live-service failbrother PAYDAY 3, Arrowhead got Helldivers 2 sorted within a little more than a week, and managed to win back some good will that had been lost in the chaos. Memes were made, TikToks were shared, everyone got in on the in-universe propaganda, and all was well. It's rare for a game to blow up this much and this rapidly, but word-of-mouth was getting around faster than the plague. Helldivers 2 is a complete runaway success, and represents a very, very big win for Arrowhead after their many years of developing games.

What's unfortunate, then, is that Arrowhead have a strong vision for what Helldivers 2 is and should be. For Arrowhead, Helldivers 2 is a game where you get out of scrapes against bugs and bots by the skin of your teeth. You use every stratagem available to you, you coordinate with your team to make sure there are no blind spots in your composition, you run away when shit gets too hot, you focus on objectives and treat the bonuses as nothing more than bonuses, you get a laugh when your friend shouts "Sweet liberty, my leg!" after you accidentally blast them to kingdom fucking come with an orbital barrage. For the broader playerbase, Helldivers 2 is a game where you play exclusively on Helldive, you only bring the Railgun and the Shield Backpack, you only stand stark still in the middle of a field shooting shit until it's all dead, you only play bug missions, and you're not interested at all in anything that doesn't directly give you medals and slips and super credits. For Arrowhead, the draw of the game is the game; for a lot of players, the draw of the game is filling out the battle pass, and the actual gameplay is just the means to that end.

The latest patch at the time of writing has nerfed the Railgun, which has single-handedly sent the widest parts of the community into a complete and utter Three Mile Island meltdown. It used to blow Charger legs open in two shots on Safe Mode, and now requires about four in Unsafe Mode. That's the extent of it. If that doesn't sound like a big change to you, it's because it isn't. There remain an obscene amount of options available to deal with Chargers — EATs, the Recoilless Rifle, the (buffed) Flamethrower, the Arc Thrower, the Spear, impact grenades, just shooting it in the ass with the heaviest gun you have — but none of that matters, because they want to use the Railgun. And they don't want to use it in Unsafe Mode. And they don't want to run away from Chargers. And they don't want to kite them. And they don't want to dodge the Charger and shoot it from behind. And they don't want to call down a stratagem. And they don't want to blow up its ass while it's aggro'd onto a teammate. They want to shoot them twice with the Railgun. Anything else is "unfun". Go and look at the recent Steam reviews/forum or the subreddit right now, if you're reading this shortly after I've posted it, and you'll see for yourself how everyone is proclaiming this one change to the Railgun to be the abject harbinger of the game's immediate demise.

I don't know who to blame this on, because it seems exceptionally clear that the people complaining the loudest don't seem to have any idea what the fuck they're talking about. I've seen several different posts stating that the Railgun is the only gun that deals with heavy armor, which is blatantly false; these are people trying to adhere to "what's meta" without actually understanding why the gun they're talking about is meta. This is something about live-service games in a more modern context that I cannot fucking stand: everyone is a tier whore. There hasn't been a multiplayer game that's come out in the past ten or so years that didn't have day one articles talking about how there's only one viable loadout and if you're not taking it then you're trolling, or tier list videos put together by popular YouTubers who broadly end up dictating a meta rather than reporting on it, because nobody actually questions why something is thought to be good or bad. This whole phenomenon leaked from Everquest and World of Warcraft like the green shit from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and now every game has to deal with the consequences. The secret of the ooze is that it makes everyone fucking stupid.

"A game for everyone is a game for no one", proudly states the footer of Arrowhead's website. I thought that was an interesting choice of motto, but not just because I agreed with it; Helldivers 2 certainly seemed like one of the most broad-appeal overnight success stories I've ever seen, and I wasn't certain who Arrowhead meant when they said they weren't making games "for everyone". Who was this abstracted "everyone", when everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves? With the way the discourse has been shifting, though, I think it's clear what they mean: Arrowhead has no interest in appealing to people who are playing the game the way that the loudest players complain they can't anymore. These are people who farm the exact same missions the exact same way for hours on end solely to get 100% completion in the battle pass. Why would anyone make games for them? They'd be happier with a piece of paper and some boxes they could fill in. How's that for player expression and a varied meta? You can put a check mark or an X through the box! Make sure to come back every twenty-four hours when your dailies refresh and you can do it all over again on a different piece of paper.

I've been playing on Suicide Mission at a minimum since day one (okay, maybe day three or so), and I've done a fair share of Impossible and Helldive runs, too. They are difficult. I am not surprised that they are difficult because they are the highest difficulty setting available. I have had to improvise, I have had to run away, and I have had to scramble just to barely complete an objective since the moment I started playing the game. At no point did the Railgun — even with a squad of four seasoned players who had come from the first Helldivers, where the difficulty went up to fifteen — allow you to stand your ground and slaughter bugs like a Doom wad. Anyone who attempts to seriously say that they're a Helldive player and that the Railgun nerf has killed their bug-exterminator playstyle is fucking lying. These are players who do not at all know what they're talking about, and they lie about the difficulty that they play on because they think it makes their argument more credible. These people are temporarily-embarrassed god gamers. They think that success and prestige is right there, just barely out of their grasp, if only the devs would allow them to reach it, and all the while they actually belong on the middle difficulties. There's nothing wrong with playing on 5 or 6, or even 1. Play what you enjoy. But don't pretend like you're at a level above where you are when it's obvious to the people who are that you're not. It's sad.

There's a wave rolling in, and I can see the foam at the lip of it from here. We'll have the regular YouTube videos rolling out soon — How Helldivers 2 Failed the Players, Helldivers 2: Dropping the Ball, Arrowhead Studios Gets WOKE and GOES BROKE with Helldivers 2 DISASTER — and leaving players will call themselves "Helldivers refugees" when they find something new to play that they'll hate within a month. What I certainly wish isn't coming is anything resembling an apology or a back-down from Arrowhead. They'll be under a lot of pressure to make changes, and this is the kind of backlash that most companies crumble under. It's been said that players are good at identifying problems and bad and identifying solutions, but I think that's being a bit too generous. I'd argue that the overwhelming majority of players of any game are bad at identifying problems and worse at coming up with solutions. Extremely rarely have I seen a live-service game actually follow through on fan-suggested fixes to fan-suggested problems and not had the game immediately become worse overnight. I hope that they're able to remember their own motto: a game for everyone is a game for no one. Helldivers 2 just got unlucky enough to be branded as a game for everyone.

Anyway, it's pretty good.

https://i.ibb.co/6vLDK1S/Screenshot-2024-02-26-at-12-44-02.png

not morally egregious per se but rather a depressing culmination of two centuries worth of design trickery and (d)evolving cultural/social tastes and otherwise exists as insipid casinocore autoplaying bullshit that leaves you feeling the same way as you did moments after blasting rope to that fucked up mmm ice cream so tasty thing you found in the middle of a reddit doomscroll. this game should come with a contractual agreement binding its devotees to never speak prejudicially about mobile games or musou or vampire survivors or people whose lives have been ruined by industrialised gambling practices. you seen that casinos have RFID wristbands now that let you re-ante by just waving your hand across the slots? goes great with the simulated day/night lighting and complementary alcoholic energy drinks. endless hours of fun! fuck the review man let's talk the end of the world in the comments below

hypothetical life partner walks into the room

"Vee, what are you doing?"

"Playing Balatro."

"It's 4 o'clock in the morning. Why on Earth are you playing Balatro?"

"Because I've lost control of my life."

I seem to have enjoyed this more than most of the community. While I think the plot and symbolism in the environments are a little clumsy, it’s an earnest attempt to tell a story around the impact of social media on mental health. Some of the late story beats come out of nowhere though, and while they are unsettling I don’t think they develop Anita as a character.

Despite my issues with the plot I really enjoyed some of the other elements here. The use of live action footage was unique, the environment and monster design were pretty good, and while the one puzzle they include is very simple I appreciate that the entire experience wasn’t just walking.

My god though, I’m so exhausted with horror games using enemies that chase you and insta kill you if you get too close. In every single game that uses this enemy type, the first encounter is tense and then as soon as you die the first time you don’t care and it just becomes annoying. The last chase sequence here is amongst the worst I’ve ever played.

Replay. Having played a handful of "beat them up" games between finishing God Hand for the first time and the second time, it's fun seeing so many of the ideas that God Hand homages. This review is just a note on some of those.

From Final Fight, there's a handful of enemy types—skinny knife throwers, agile women, plump guys, and the idea of tall and short enemies indicating their strength. There's also the "destroy a car" minigame, and in God Hand there's even throwbacks to that 90s style homophobia. From Streets of Rage, God Hand takes the whip enemies, and also the thing where enemies will sit on the ground and get pouty.

After finishing God Hand again, I started playing God Hand for a third time. It just feels amazing to play. The new game experience reminds me a lot of FromSoft in the level of skill (and level/enemy knowledge) you carry over, even though you don't carry over techniques you bought or health or "tension point" upgrades; probably the game I'd compare it to most is Sekiro. When I finished that game, I ended up speeding through the NG+ and didn't die until I got to the burning bull enemy, which was immensely satisfying. On the other hand, God Hand also feels like there's a lot of skill I have left to build. I started playing the hard mode and got my ass beat in the first level. I want to get there, but it is truly difficult.

(I really like this game, and only shelved it because God Hand has taken over my life.)

Breath of Fire: Dragon Quarter is most well-regarded for its unique loop that preceded similar designs in Dead Rising and FromSoftware's Souls games. At any moment during Dragon Quarter, you can reset to your last save point (using the Give Up option in the menu, then selecting SOL-Restore), which are typically placed at the beginning of dungeon sections and before bosses, or to the very beginning of the game (using the SOL-Restart), while maintaining your equipped weapons and armor, all of your skills, your money, and any items you place in a storage locker.

Most importantly, your characters "D-Counter" gets reset to whatever it was before your last save. The "D-Counter" is a percentage on your HUD that is constantly on-screen, which raises slowly as you move, but balloons in huge chunks when you activate the "D-Dive," which transforms your main character Ryu into an extremely strong and invincible dragon form. What this means is you can save at the start of the dungeon, use the D-Dive form to very easily stomp your way through the dungeon, collecting all the new skills and equipment, then use the SOL-Restore option to go back to the start of the dungeon with all those new skills and weapons but with your D-Counter reset to what it was when you saved earlier. Besides the new abilities you gained from completely clearing the dungeon, you also learn how to get around—the route to go directly to the end of the dungeon, and what enemies are absolutely required to get there. Dragon Quarter's encounters can be very difficult and item draining—enemies hit hard—so this knowledge is as important as the power ups you've found. I've played through all From's Souls games, and found this loop really familiar.

After you do the SOL-Restore, you can use the new power-ups you collected to fight your way directly to the end of the dungeon. For the initial D-Dive dungeon or boss runs, I would also set each of my characters shield skill to use the "steal" skill, which collects items, equipment, money, and, most importantly, skills, from the enemies that attack them; then on the regular run, I'd switch the shield skill to the "counter" skill or higher defense, and use the new skills to strengthen my characters. Since you can usually save right before bosses, you have as many chances as you want to steal unique items or skills they might be carrying. You can use one of your characters to profile enemies and see what items they might have; this list is updated as items are taken from them. As well, you will also find single use items that raise characters stats—physical attack strength, magic strength, and health points—and these changes carry over after SOL-Restoring.

Items and unequipped equipment that are in your inventory disappear during SOL-Restore, but in some levels you can find an Item or Weapon Locker vendor and place them there to save them. Your inventory gets reset to 5 Heal Kits, 1 Tonic, and a Save Token, and in fact you could conceivably farm these by SOL-Restoring or SOL-Restarting, placing your refreshed inventory in an item locker, then SOL-Restoring or SOL-Restarting again. If you find any "backpacks", which add more inventory slots, since the last save, these are also removed when resetting.

Dragon Quarter doesn't ever force you to SOL-Restore or SOL-Reset. You can scrape by going from encounter to encounter without ever resetting, but playing this way is miserable. I know, because I played this way for about five hours. A few hours in, I never had enough money to buy enough health items to offset the level of damage my characters were taking; as well, the damage I was doing to enemies was in the low 10s, making fights a totally unfun slog. I eventually hit a wall during an encounter with a bunch of humanoid enemies that overwhelmed me. I wasn't doing much damage, I didn't have enough health restoration items, and I didn't have any money to get more. I bit the bullet and used the SOL-Restore option to go back to the start of the game. I didn't exactly fly through the game to get back to where I was, but it was significantly easier to get there.

The game is really balanced towards using the SOL-Restore method, and when going through a section again after using it, you are also shown a new cutscenes, denoted by the SOL icon beside the Skip Scene icon in the corner. These tend to show different characters perspective, filling you in on what the supporting cast knows.

I had a good time with Dragon Quarter, and I might pick it up again sometime. I like the characters and the dreary, depressing tone; the game wears its Evangelion influence on its sleeve. However, the downside to its fascinating loop is that you have double the JRPG to playthrough, and I just don't have time in my life right now to feel comfortable spending that time on a single game that I don't completely love. However, it is absolutely worth checking out, and it's easy to see why this game clicks with people so much harder than it did for me.