I know i know, "why isnt this half a star or a star" its not even fuckin bowling they lie to you on the damn cover, I kNOW
BUT
its also really simple and fun
It's like if someone really liked the slide segments in Mario games and thought to make them all have flintstones prehistoric layouts and playable characters and such
There's collectibles per level and you get trophies at the end for each full course you complete, bla bla bla
the reason why this is a 2/5 game isnt because of the gameplay or how it's technically a shallow lie
but because WHERE THE FUCK ARE BARNEY AND FRED'S WIVES??? WHERE'S WILMA AND OTHER LADY???? WHERE ARE THE BAD BITCHES!!!! I played as the dinosaur because he looked funny and then he started making sounds tht reminded me of yoshi and then i just got pissed off because he wasnt yoshi
final thoughts: no hot cavewomen, unfortunate. and a disappointing dopey dinosaur
but still kind of a fun game especially for a legacy IP ive never seen a single episode of before, do not give a single hair off my clit about fucking Flintstones apart from the brainworms I inherited from watching siivagunner in 2016 when joel vinesauce shit was ingrained into the cyber soil of the internet
oh yeah thats right this review was about a video game ahah my bad, yea dude play it and beat it in like a half hour if youre bored

FUCKING SICK!!!!!!!!!!!! I CANT BELIEVE I NEVER FUCKING PLAYED THIS TILL LAST NIGHT OH MY GOD I LOVE ALL THE CHARACTER DESIGNS I LOVE THE AESTHETIC OF THIS GAME I LOVE ALL THE SOUNDS I LOVE THE OST
See when your brain is wired on crazy taxi you got that good shit flowing in your head kind of like in a roguelike way where if you eat shit then you get right back up and use what you learned from your previous driving attempts to take advantage of better shortcuts
to be more efficient with shit u learned before
trying out different ways that got more clusters of people needin a lift you can capitalize on
shit is fucking GREAT
final thoughts:
YAH
YAH
YAH
YAH
YAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=us8OhI-OTHg

It's OKAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
it's ALRIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
It's just a kind of weird to control 3d platformer where you collect baby chicks with a silly chicken with a belmont whip warble-doolap hair curl
The power ups can be kind of fun and there is a surprising amount of cutscenes in this shit!! Like. WAY more than you would anticipate a platformer of this era to have with full animated video shit if u ask me
It's a good thing too because I actually genuinely like the humor and how it Knows its a stupid ass premise but instead of trying to look hard with it it's embracing how silly it is completely to the point where even the ending to the game is anticlimatic and silly

final thoughts:
Now OBJECTIVELY speaking, its really not great but its not a bad game either. I had fun though there's a nice bit of platforming fun to be had. Infact I myself was embracing the bullshit and found out how to do cheats and debug mode shit and I went to town on this game, tweaked the dog-shit camera to be nicer
gave mort a better jump and longer glide
and etc etc
Is this how everyone should play it?
Idk man its mort the fucking chicken
go fuck up Cubicles
save the chickens, do it for the small squishy things
do it
kick their ass
DO IT!!!!! GO AGAINST YOUR DNA CODING AS A CHICKEN!! DO IT!!!! DO IT !!!!! DO IT!!!!

Im highly surprised this has such poor to middling reviews at best. As a lady tht never rlly fw'd the simpsons (was more familiar with watching shit like american dad, family guy and even on rare occasions south park)
I actually rlly enjoyed this!

Call it a crazy taxi high, but I think some things this game has over crazy taxi are pretty noticeable
for one the models arent god awful, licensed games can sometimes rlly miss the mark on how shit works with the IP but this pretty much gets it in every way. Im no longtime watcher of the show but ive seen all these characters before in memes and just through the grape-vine so to speak, seeing them all in the world while youre cruising around or doing missions and such is pretty fun
Though i do think the flavor-text/voicelines get a bit repetitive and grating
It's kinda like how in some other licensed games characters will just say an iconic line or two for the fuck of it regardless of the context of whats happening in the game or whatever
There's a lotta that... sometimes

But! you can even unlock playable characters at your own pace and there sure is a lot of them, not only does everyone have their own vehicle but you can actually play as ppl outside the simpsons family
I was having a lot of fun playing as the bartender and the clown, they were pretty fun
And one of the biggest things with this game tht i noticed was that you get a fucking M A P in this shit
A MAP
final thoughts: To me this is totally in the leagues of cream of the crop licensed games, it's totally obvious that this is riffing off crazy taxi styled gameplay with a little more strange jankiness here and there
The aesthetic and vibes are inferior to crazy taxi as well but i mean shitttt, its got a map, crazy taxi had the radius meter thing you could push in and out to see how close you were to shit but idkkkkk the map is also pretty nice
though at the same time the radius meter doesnt detract from the tension of rushin through shit to get to where you need to go.

All in all it's a pretty good game :) One day ill experience Hit & Run bc im long overdue for that
but to be honest with you im glad i played this now as a grown ass woman and not a spit undulating little wiener bc the latter occured & i had played Hit & Run first? id probably be dogging the fuck out of this game

Solid asffffffffffff, I think the gameplay is top notch and i guess i see what some ppl mean when they say this game is kind of slow or clunky but i just thought it added to the scale of this fuckin Dude you control, brendan/grave is a beast and everything about his kit and the shit u use in his arsenal in this exemplifies this. I think my biggest issues with this are just that it's so S H O R T like oh my god i was so surprised at how quick i beat it even though i was pumpin through these levels back to back to back to back!

I think the funniest thing about my playthrough is that somehow I didnt realize there was a run button until the last stage(i just dodgerolled everywhere.,,.,,aha...er..hm) AND i didnt realize till mid-game that you can actually self heal and switch up bullets and junk
which is so gnarly
I think the bosses can be really easy in this game once you got a grip on usin the different bullets and specialty vials

As for the story im sorry to say but ive.. actually never Watched or Read anything relating to Gungrave

So i cant exactly remark on anything with the story since whats here is interesting enough to get someone like me Into the show but i feel to judge it as anything higher or lower than kind of neat would be unfair bc of my lack of familiarity with the source material
but hohhhhhhhhhhh how this game sounds, the visual style, its all pretty satisfyingg

final thoughts: gungrave is a delightful little game with some sweet designs and god does it leave you scratching and wanting more as if you were going through withdraw
THIS SHIT ALSO HAS LITTLE FIGURINES YOU CAN LOOK AT IN TOY BOXES, WHAT A MARVELOUS IDEA FOR A MODEL VIEWERRRRRR UGH! i love that so much.. i just might snag tht idea for the future hyeheheheheheheh

Favorite game in the series ive played so far?????????? EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IDK but it sure as shit is up there, i fucking love this game i love the stages i love the variety here and being able to do tags and solos is so fire
I even got to try out characters i never rlly played much before like i think i finally understand how to play Lars, Nina, Jun and Bob
and I love playing Jaycee a lot too
Shame that this is like literally her only game she's in.. technically LMAO
thats okay though bc Lei has never let me down anyways

Before you start filter-feeding at me, mad disclaimer.. i didnt actually own battle for bikini bottom as a kid...
I only played up to a sandy boss when I was little at a friends house and in sheer awe at it existing but i never got to own it because my family was not well off.
Fast forward to current day and Im still a decently big fan of the show :) I havent been kept up with all the most recent shit going on in the seasons but my knowledge of the series is at max capacity around sayyyyy season 7

But enough of that you stopped to look at this because you wanted to read a review, not some lady's musings of better days
Cosmic Shake is one of the best licensed games ive ever played personally, I think this game totally stands on it's own as a double A studio 3d platformer that gives you more and more to come back to in each completed level

The plot itself is as you can expect from a spongebob story, they do some goofy shit and get into some trouble. It's up to spongebob and balloony patrick to fix everything and bring all of their friends and belongings back from the rifts of... (slight sigh) the multiverse
BUT HEAR! ME! OUT... its actually fun here
It's strange how nowadays the concept of alternate universes in media and having as many favorites as possible having a hurrah in one confined thing is So Commonplace these days

But im not gettin into that too deep

I just think its fascinating because even though Cosmic Shake couldve done 1:1's from the respective episodes that most of these draw inspiration from, they kinda just put theier own spin on things to keep things fresh and unpredictable
Like for example youve surely seen that the wild west is there, but they dont have plankton as Dead Eye Plankton there from the get-go or Mr Krabs as the saloon owner
They got Mr Krabs assuming the antagonist u need to tail by the end of it and I think thats pretty interesting

This happens quite a lot during the game but you'd be surprised that a lot of the time in this game per area there isnt actually just a boss to defeat by slappin something around a bunch of times but sometimes it could be a (supposed to be) more challenging platform run or stealthing or hell even gathering things
It's so cool!
And definitely helps each area feel more fresh from one another
Even my least favorite area, the pirate one, i still like a lot of things about it! And thats also partially because of spongebob's kit & the enemies you face, they can be really easy but other times a LIIIIIIITTLE annoying with certain enemy types later down the line
nothing INSANE though bc i mean like
Spongebob gets his little bubble wand twirlllll but also gets to swing, a ground pound, a super ground pound, a krusty krab pizza glide (that he never shuts the fuck up abt but.. thats the little homie so im not that mad but.. omg)
AND MY F A V O R IT E the KARATE KICK oh my god its like a homing attack almost?? whoever thought of that is awesome
even though it can be a tad finicky
and finicky is...not a Frequent word id throw around for with this game but you can sometimes be reminded that "oh yeah, im playing a game licensed by modern nickelodeon"

Now I praise this game for being a great AA platformer yes thats true, but sometimes there's little flubs such as in a couple cutscenes spongebob's model would blip out of existence and stay like that till the end for me
or a couple times the karate kick just Didnt wanna lock on to anything and give me the indicator until i died another consecutive time
ORRRRRR one time when I died i wasnt able to pick up any underwear after the fact
And these happened pretty spaced out from one another during my playthroughs of the game but I felt like its still valid of me to point out that "Yeah the game has some little scuffs here and there but damn it Purple Lamp sure did give it their all as best as they could underneath those shitfaced nick higher-ups" like jesus christ there's so many casual references in plain sight i kept calling out to my girl like "LOOKKK LOOK ITS THE MEAL SUPPLIES THEY GOT FROM THE PLANE IN THE CLUB EPISODE!!" or "LOOKKK ITS OLD MAN JENKINS!!" or even the little blue fucker returning from bfbb and the fiery fist o pain ,the mitten!! THE KELP NOUGAT CRUNCH GAG FROM ROCK BOTTOM!!! AND SO MUCH MORE , THERE'S SO MUCH MORE AUGGGGGGGGGH so fucking cool
And of course the humor is still there with this game as well, someitmes they have those little closeup gross-out/silly zoom ins and those are fun and add a little more meat to the experience :) I suppose if there's anything sad to draw from it is that Tom Kenny ISSSSSSS getting older, he cant exactly do the spongebob voice anymore from his prime
Im impressed the man can even still chug along as the little yellow man, no shade or lookin down at him at All but like 24??? 25??(heh) FUCKING YEARS OF VOICING THE SAME GUY????????
he def gets paid them royalties but, still, he must drink a lot of throat relaxing tea because that shits must get exhaustingggg
Everyone else kinda feels like theyre on their A-game though im not singling Tom out, the whole cast is getting older and i think its miracle theyre all still here after so long
Like do you ever think about how crazy that is???? There hasnt been a single one of these main recurring characters thats been swapped out.. gawd..

Ahem, but yeah with every character in this there's also other little side things the hub world will offer you, you can find yourself pickin fuckin fortune cookies out of fish like booty lint
or go on a scavenger hunt for spot (aka the best side character turned main stay bc i like when plankton gets to experience genuine joy for once in a while)

and get juice to fix squidward's brain or whatever

Personally I think all of this is good for the world and lets you see things that you missed out on your first way through. Feel like [insert area here] was kinda shallow compared to the rest??? Revisit it later when you wanna chill out and soak the experience in :) shit dude there's even alternate universe versions of characters u can totally miss out on with their own little jokes and lines and mini-arcs, its nothing mind blowing but it adds some nice replayability especially if you fiend over the show.

final thoughts: Cosmic Shake is GREAT, i love this game, I think it's still rough around the edges on occasion but it looks great and it has so many iconic tracks from the series, it feels like a proper new game that celebrates everything classic and modern about this series in a confident way
Definitely makes me want to go check out other spongebob games such as battle for bikini bottom, the movie game, creatue from the krusty krab, etc, etc
the grins this got me feeling were so huge

Fun incarnate tbh with you ahahah wow

I've always kinda known abt this series for a few years but only recently sat to play it, I think that Jumping Flash is one of the more unique and cool 3d platformers ive ever played!! Ironically enough BECAUSE of it's limitations

I think the theming for the worlds is pretty cool and i think its nice the devs sprinkle in a good bit of variety to chew on with the ice physics (which are actually decent :o ), elevator, some moving platforms going side to side and what not
At a step back it's all pretty par for the course but I think the first person POV, watching your jump-count and the fun little power ups you can do are so fun and getting the carrots is addictive

Thooooooooough... sometimes... Sometimes.. you can REALLY feel that this was one of the first cracks at the 3D platformer genre LMFAO LIKE holy shit sometimes i wish there was a way to strafe or something but the penalties for death are never as grand as making you restart a whole world all over again, so thats why even though it shows its age
its more like wine than milk
final thoughts: I think Jumping Flash is a great time and i cant wait to check out how things are improved in the sequels, I like the hud and the powers and the pov and even got accustomed to the floatiness of the 3rd jump and looking down below you automatically
love how the game looksss, and personally my favorite boss aside from the last couple is totally the world 5 boss
so awesome :>
try it if u can! it's not too terribly long of a platformer either
do it for robbit, do it for the kiwis

I wish I could give a jjba game higher than a 3/5 but to be Honest with you its still got some problems lmao
I like the gameplay even though I kinda wish there was more moves as a whole that you could do but what's there fits 99% of the characters, always fw'd the original all star battle a lot for how it's visual style perfectly captured the art for the series
They even added all the loose end characters that were trapped on Eyes Of Heaven, which if we're being real is literally only a game youd play for the fanservice or REALLY like arena fighter stuff
But this itself is also a double edged sword because while these characters have been done from the ground up to function and work within a completely different type of fighting game
diego, foo fighters, yukako, etc etc
I also get sad thinking that there is NO new part 8 characters in this shit even though it came out like.. after it ended..
Where's my joshu, wheres jobin??? yasuho??? like c'mon man Gappy is just sitting there w/o any counterpart whatsoever and still has virtually the same moveset..
I don't wanna say this game is LAZY though, because if youre gonna choose any of the more recent era jojo games to give everyone a nice little slice of the pie of to remaster, it absolutely deserved to be this one!!!

It's just I also feel that when it comes to the very Safe roster additions that not having rollback netcode is definitely going to impact how many people play this, you basically just shot this shit in the foot so only fans like me will give a damn. And even then im not rlly a fighting game girl i enjoy them time to time but I don't consider myself like a pro or think it's a genre i spend endless hours on (usually)
But gamepass downloads is gonna rlly help this out so im praying that the next DLC slots after Stroheim and Risotto are cool(Praying on Jodio, Dragona and MAYBE Wekapipo or Hot Pants) and that even if this game is set up to be the one with the most longevity that we'll still get some other jojo game content on a smaller but cool scale

Though im not holding my hamon

final thoughts: you got gamepass? u love this series and never played ASB? go for it
u played ASB before? youre gonna be a little disappointed here but the new characters Do feel really fun and fit right at home

At the end of the day I love jjba and lookin at ASBR feels almost like a victory lap for me as a jjba fan since when I first checked out this game for my PS3 i had Only completed up to part 5 LMAO
though weirdly enough I never got spoiled on how some things work in Parts later bc i never touched any characters after
So it's nice having something that feels and sounds like jojo, it could be a lot better but what's there is nice