It seems everyone's playing that shiny new Armored Core VI. I would be too, but my computer isn't all that great and can't really run it. You know what my PC can run though?

A PS2 Emulator.

So here we are. It may be called Armored Core 2, but it's really the fourth game in the series. With the '2' though, one may expect a little more than we got from Project Phantasma and Master of Arena. Did we get more?

Well, before we find out, I feel the need to disclose something. Anyone who has played the earlier Armored Core games know about Human+. Basically, getting deep in debt results in the player getting a permanent upgrade with the tradeoff that they restart the game. You can repeat this process several times to get more upgrades. It's a neat part of the game, and I decided to purposefully get all of the upgrades on purpose by grinding debt for an hour, simply to see what it's like. This probably made the game a decent amount easier for me than many others. The game wasn't really that hard, and while there are other reasons for that I'll get into later, it's almost certain that Human+ is part of what made the game easy.

With that out of the way, what's new to this game? The game definitely sticks close to the PS1 games, but there's a decent amount of new stuff and improvements. First, let's talk about the player's new moves and options. For me, the overboost is one of the best new improvements. Not only does it provide a quick movement option that makes duels really fun while also being another reason to carefully manage energy, but it also means that backtracking takes less time. You also activate it by pressing R3, which means you don't have to take your thumb off of the camera stick to activate it.

...Except the right stick isn't used for the camera. The left stick isn't used for movement either. The control scheme is the same as it was on the PS1. Look, I'm not against unconventional controls, but there's no logic behind the control scheme. Yeah, you can map the camera to the face buttons, but that doesn't compare to a stick. Ok, It was a PS2 launch title, I guess I can accept it. They better fix it with the next game though.

There are new part types here. For example, we have the radiator. Now, if you get hit a bunch by enemies, you begin to overheat, which drains your health. The radiator counteracts that. This is a fine mechanic, but it doesn't really add much. Not much is actually done with the radiator that a defense stat and defense optional part couldn't also accomplish from a design standpoint. This is unfortunate, because it became clear in the PS1 games each part type was unique and served a purpose, even ones you may not expect like the FCS.

There's also hover legs, which are very quick. They also hover on water, which helps for a few missions. The last big loadout additions are extensions and inside parts. These are anti-missile systems, light movement options, mines, anti-lockon systems, and other miscellaneous actions. These were neat, but I didn't use them that much because I was trying to keep my AC light. Still, there's some neat stuff here. For some reason, you have to access inside parts by pressing your 'change right weapon' button. Just a small thing, but I wish they had enough space to just have a button for it. Hmm, maybe if the camera control could be controlled with a stick or something...

So really, it's mostly the same old kind of stuff. This is fun, but I think there could've been a bit more done to improve on the customization.

Anyway, how are you going to afford these new parts? There's so much, and you don't have much disposable income when starting out. You could go do a mission, but you'll go in debt if you fail, so it might be a good idea to tackle the arena. In retrospect, while Master of Arena making the arena a focus was a good idea to differentiate it from the other PS1 games, Armored Core 2 cements the fact that it works best as a diversion that's mostly disconnected from the main game. Initially fought in the arena just to get more money without the risk of missions, but eventually I just got really engaged with it and got to Rank 1. The pacing of these missions is surprisingly good because many upcoming and defeated Ravens will taunt and encourage you respectively in mail, letting you know when a boss is coming up. Dare I say, the arena is better than the main missions here. It was really challenging and I had to consider all of my parts and the map I chose to fight on. It also led to me being super rich by the end of the game, so I could afford pretty much every part I wanted.

So what about the story missions? They're good. The level design is generally less confusing than that of the PS1 games, the missions feel varied, they're a good length, etc... Levels are overall more consistent, but I can't help but feel they're still basically the same kind of stuff as those of the PS1 games, especially since some of the missions are just remakes of missions from those games. Isn't it a bit early to be doing that guys? The game takes place on Mars, but they don't take advantage of that very often. Make a low-gravity or space mission, maybe have a big sandstorm or something, I dunno. There's a lot of missed potential.

Then there's the story. Once again, it's mostly the same kind of stuff. There is a bit more characterization when it comes to some side characters and the main villain, but it's the same main framework as previous games, except now all a lot of the more covert stuff isn't present. When I saw that the first mission in the original Armored Core tasked the player with attacking protesters, it conveyed the world of the game well. Many missions felt like they create mini-storylines too. However, that's not nearly as pronounced in this game. Apparently the Ravens are slaves or something, but this wasn't really explained well in any capacity. I was really hoping for a bit more here.

So overall, while Armored Core 2 is a pretty good game, it's just a little too similar to its predecessors for me to call it great. If you liked the PS1 games, you will probably like this, and vice versa. 7/10. I'm tackling these in order, so Another Age is next. See you then.

First, I have to talk about the main little tidbit this game is infamous for. Feel free to skip these first two paragraphs. So the developers of this game, Argonaut, previously worked closely with Nintendo, developing Star Fox, which was an undoubtedly impressive title for the SNES. Nintendo did kinda screw Argonaut over by cancelling Star Fox 2 when it was nearly done and taking many staff who had moved to Japan, but the way this game ties into this story is that Argonaut supposedly showed a prototype of a 3D Yoshi game to Nintendo, which according to the founder Jez San, Miyamoto himself said was inspiration for Super Mario 64, thanking Jez San for the idea of a 3D Mario game. Jez San claims that Nintendo basically stole that idea from Argonaut while screwing them over. That Yoshi game, of course, went on to be Croc.

The thing is, I'm not sure if I really buy this. Even if it did happen, 3D was an inevitability. Jumping Flash released a year before Super Mario 64, Crash Bandicoot was also being developed, Alpha Waves came out far before any of these, the idea of a 3D Platformer wasn't that unique.

Even if it did happen, it doesn't really mean much. Super Mario 64 and Croc: Legend of the Gobbos are very different games. Let's start with the big thing: The controls. They're odd. In a lot of ways, your moveset is pretty basic. A jump, a tail attack, and a ground pound. Where things get odd is the actual movement. So, there is full analogue here, which is cool, but the camera is much different than modern games. The game uses a strange mix between tank controls and conventional analogue. Pressing left, for example, makes Croc run left while also turning the camera. If you just nudge the stick left, Croc stays and place and turns left. L and R are slow strafe moves. Got it? Well, there's more. In the air, the functionality of the shoulder buttons and stick are effectively reversed! Now, L and R turn Croc and left and Right on a stick move him left and right. It's very odd.

Honestly, once you get used to the controls, they're not bad. In fact, I had a decent amount of fun after getting the hang of the details. It also helps that the levels feel built around these controls. That's not to say the level design is great, it's definitely pretty basic, and one could argue that's kind of because the controls are so limiting. The first two world especially feel very repetitive in terms of level design, and the third and fourth kind of do too. I realized midway through that while this game was pretty consistent, it was also very generic. Most mechanics were very generic, most level themes were pretty generic, the most interesting thing about the game is the weird controls. Look at a game like Chameleon Twist, released the same year as this. It was very short. Its camera was inconsistent, to say the least. However, it was unique. This game isn't really unique. Look at Croc. Listen, I don't care if this game had the greatest gameplay ever, Croc would never be a cultural icon. His most distinct feature is a backpack.

Ironically, I thought the final world, which most people seem to hate, had by far the most unique ideas. Yeah, the penultimate level was a little too punishing, but each level felt distinct. It showed that they could've made a really good game with this basis, focusing more on puzzles and interacting with the environment.

Then there's the bosses. Uh... They suck. They're very easy, all take place in generic arenas, and defeating them is always the same. They attack, they get tired, you attack them, repeat. They also lack feedback. Often, I couldn't really tell if I was actually damaging a boss because any damage animations are way too subtle.

I think the best part here is the audiovisuals. Sure, the visual style is pretty uninspired, but the draw distance and detail is impressive. Also, the music is epic. Very good.

Alright, wasn't sure where to mention this, but I had to discuss it. You know how if one was to, say, stand on a relatively slow moving train, they wouldn't fly off? I believe it's called static friction? Well, in Croc even if you're just above a moving platform, your velocity matches that of the platform. It's just a very odd quirk.

So despite its problems, I liked the game. Will you like it? I dunno, maybe the upcoming Croc HD will make some modernizations. Regardless, 6/10, definitely closer to a 5 though.

I was visiting my brother the day after I bought this game and played it for a bit while visiting. He walked by and asked me, “Are you playing a knock-off Crash Bandicoot?” He was wrong with his assessment of this game, of course. At that point, I thought he was wrong because I was so early in the experience and didn’t have a grasp on the flaws of the game. In retrospect, He’s actually wrong because this is a Banjo Kazooie rip-off with a dash of Sonic Adventure.

My brother being wrong about stuff isn’t uncommon (He tried to tell me Newton’s Third Law of Motion made no sense one time), but I think that just demonstrates the significance of the fact that even he was able to tell this game was nothing special. Honestly though, I knew that going in. I had seen enough of Ty the Tasmanian Tiger to know it would probably be derivative of those two games. I knew it would be ludicrous to expect even a 7/10 experience from it. I just wanted to play a decent 3D Platformer. But the problem lies therein: This game is hardly a 3D Platformer.

I talked about this briefly in my Spyro 2 review, but there’s a lot of 3D Platformers where Platforming takes a backseat to other elements. Most of this seemingly started with Banjo-Kazooie, which is the game that cemented the ‘Collectathon’ genre: Platformers where you must collect a lot of things. Banjo itself de-emphasized platforming a lot, but it was still there. Every level had one or two focal points that the player has to climb to get a Jiggy. The moveset doesn’t have the flow of a Mario game or the sort, but it is a platforming moveset. While I’m not huge on the minigames, they’re inoffensive at the end of the day. A lot of games copied the core structure of Banjo-Kazooie but missed elements like the aforementioned that made it good, such as Ty the Tasmanian Tiger.

How much platforming is actually in this game? Not much. Your moveset consists of a jump, glide, a homing attack, and throwing boomerangs. Level design doesn’t really enhance the platforming either; It’s all very basic platforms and obstacles, and the most interesting things get is hitting coconut trees with boomerangs to create platforms. That happens once in the game. There’s no sense of momentum either. The homing attack may sound cool, but all it amounts to is mashing a button in certain situations. The platforming is bare. I’m not exaggerating, God of War II has just as in-depth platforming as this game. I mean, it has a double jump and glide, so I don’t think what I’m saying is facetious. So what else is there in Ty the Tasmanian Tiger? Well, random busywork. Turret sections, killing random enemies, annoying escort missions, collecting random macguffins, etc.... The game does have the good idea of having race sections in every level, but even those are pretty dull overall.

One of the levels in this game has you riding this big bull thing. You can’t get off of it. You can’t jump while on the bull. Think about that. There’s an entire level in this game where you can’t jump. In a 3D Platformer. So… there’s like 72 Thunder Eggs in this game (Think Stars, Jiggys, Tickets, etc…). 8 of those are in this Outback level. Imagine you were playing Doom, with its 36 levels in total, and suddenly, midway through the game, you just can’t shoot any guns for four levels. Instead, you’re now engaging in sword combat for the next four levels. After these four levels, you never touch the sword again. That is the equivalent of this level in Ty the Tasmanian Tiger.

The thing is, even though I understand why so many games were made like this, I’m still confused about one thing: Why do people like games like this, or at least are fine with them? Let me be clear: I am happy if you enjoy this game. Getting upset because someone else enjoys something that isn’t hurting anybody is probably the dumbest thing a person can do. But… WHY?!?! What about it is fun? I’m sure that if the hypothetical Doom situation I concocted actually happened, people would be pissed, so why is it acceptable here? You could argue that people don’t love this game anyway, but even in beloved games like Crash 3, Spyro 2, and Sonic Adventure 2, these kinds of diversions are abundant, so why do people love those games? Why?

Well, I have a theory. Imagine, for a moment, you wanted to make a First-Person Shooter. What would you need, at minimum? Well, you’d need some movement options such as running. You’d need at least one gun. You’d need enemies to shoot. You’d need levels for all of this to take place in. Code all of that up and you have a very barebones FPS.

Let’s do this with a 3D Platformer. You need movement options, with the bare minimum probably being running and jumping. You need a level to do it in. And… That’s it. That is all you need to make a 3D Platformer. It won’t be good, but it will be a 3D Platformer.

I think that when you realize this, why so many 3D Platformers deviate from platforming becomes clear. You can make a great, varied game purely about 3D Platforming. Super Mario 64, Marble Blast Ultra, and Super Sami Roll are good examples. You can add more moves. You can make the levels more interesting and add powerups. You can lean into aspects such as momentum. The thing is, you can also make a great 3D Platformer that focuses on driving vehicles, or shooting, or hack n’ slash combat, or situational stories. You could probably even make a good 3D Platformer with a bunch of minigames. How you fill in the blanks is just much less obvious with 3D Platformers than most other genres. As such, it actually makes sense that this kind of stuff is normalized in 3D Platformers, at least to some extent.

The diversions do need to be good though, which is where Ty the Tasmanian Tiger goes wrong. None of the diversions could make a good game in isolation, and they don't make a good game when spliced together into a platformer. But what about the other constant elements? Well, they’re not great. The combat is fine, but not enough to make up for everything else. Most of the time you can just mash buttons to dispatch common enemies. There are other kinds of boomerangs one can use, but they’re mostly for ‘puzzles’ and stuff. The bosses aren’t great either. Generally, I think the biggest issue is that the player is expected to do things that haven’t been taught in any way. For example, the final boss requires one to use an ice boomerang on turrets and then bite them to defeat them. The thing is, this was never established as a mechanic before this one fight. Usually, the best bosses in games take advantage of pre-established mechanics framed in new ways, so it’s a shame Ty went in the opposite direction.

Another big element that brings the game down is just the general level layouts. As an example of a great level, let’s look at Mad Monster Mansion from Banjo-Kazooie. Yes, I’m comparing it to Banjo again. Now, this level is actually pretty small. You have a house, a thorny hedge maze, a bog, and a church as the main points of interest. The house has a basement and main room. The Church has an inner area that has a few things to do in it. The bog is admittedly pretty basic with not that much of interest. The thorny hedge maze basically separates each point of interest. That sounds fairly typical of a game, but once you transform into a pumpkin, not only does it allow you touch the thorny hedges which changes how you interact with the level, but it also unlocks more areas in the house. Mad Monster Mansion is small, but it’s also layered. Compare this to pretty much every level of Ty the Tasmanian Tiger. Most of the levels are… pretty big. Usually you can’t fast travel either, so you just have to slowly walk between areas of interest. Sometimes backtracking is very difficult as well. There’s no real layers to anything either. What you see is what you get. As such, exploration and collecting is usually underwhelming.

The stages also have the issue of a lack of variety. A lot of stage themes are reused at some point. I know this is all based on Australia, but still. Super Mario Sunshine stuck entirely to a tropical island theme, but it still had tons of variety. Australia has cities, right? I’m sure there’s some cool caves there too. Why not use stuff like that if you’re gonna stay faithful to the theming?

Alright, let’s discuss the story. Uh… I dunno, it’s fine. It’s about as cliché as an early 2000s 3D Platformer can get. It even has the edgy counterpart character who contributes pretty much nothing to the game. However, I do think there’s a fun level of self-awareness here that makes me like it a little more. The titular character isn’t as ‘’’’’’cool’’’’’’ as you’d think. He’s just a normal guy. Other characters make jokes and do action story cliches and he’ll just act confused or brush it off. He’s honestly an alright character, and I gotta admit, his design is alright too. He definitely has that Sonic appeal, although he’s definitely not as well designed.

I do think most of the other characters are pretty boring though. There’s this bird who gives you exposition and this koala that invents stuff, and at some point I had to wonder why they weren’t just combined into one singular character, because they’re not that well defined. The same goes for all the other characters, really. I mentioned the edgy counterpart Sly earlier, but his redemption is poorly developed. Shocking, I know.

Overall, not a good game. I hear that Ty 2 is better, so I might try that. Regardless, 4/10.

Oh, also: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDIA_X1iqsY

Suggested by @moschidae for this list. This probably wasn’t the kind of review you were hoping for, but I must be honest with my opinions.

Warning, this review does talk about suicide in the section about story.

To be honest, I haven’t played that many survival horror games. I’ve played a few Resident Evil games, Parasite Eve II, and little else. However, I think I have a decent grasp of how the genre usually works. Looking at the GameCube version of Resident Evil, you can see a lot of systems working together to make an incredible horror experience. Resource management, tight exploration, a few puzzles, story, atmosphere, etc etc… Maybe I’m being a bit harsh comparing one of the greatest of the genre to Yomawari: Midnight Shadows, but I do think it does a good job to show just how much this game falls on its face.

Let’s start with the gameplay. Most of the gameplay is walking around at night avoiding ghosts, exploration, and a few puzzles. You have a flashlight that can help you see spirits and a few items. As simple as this is, ghosts being invisible without the flashlight does add some good tension to gameplay. Anyway, let’s say you see a spirit and you want to get away from it. What do you do?

1. Just run away from it.
2. Hide in an object and wait for the ghosts to leave.
3. Throw one of two items at it.

This is 9/10 encounters in the game. Very few enemies non-boss have unique properties, and even the ones that do are very simple. Shining the flashlight at this enemy makes it stop. Shining the flashlight at this enemy wakes it up. Etc etc…. Almost all either have a set path/location or will chase you when you get close to them. Maybe if this game was super short this would be acceptable, but it lasts for 7.5 hours according to Howlongtobeat.com (It took me just short of 9 though). Even if it was short, this wouldn’t excuse just how cheap some of the obstacles can be sometimes. Often, the game feels like trial and error, especially since you die in one hit, honestly. This isn’t the worst because of how plentiful save points are, but the abundance of save points also means that there’s rarely any tension. You’ll pretty much never lose more than a minute of progress. The game even did the thing that Resident Evil did where you need a usable item to save, but pretty much every save point had one lying nearby, and I always had more than half of the max. It literally serves no purpose, along with all the other resource management. This is because not only are items plentiful, but most aren’t super useful. Maybe I’d be compelled to use them a little more if there was any tension, but usually just running past an enemy worked fine regardless. The most interesting items were extremely rare. There was one item that’s basically a portable hiding place. In a better game, there would be a few of these strewn about, such that it was a rare resource, but still have an impact on gameplay. Combine this with sparser save points, and this game would automatically be significantly better. Instead, this item only shows up in one area of the game. Why is this the case? Who knows.

Since horror can’t be derived from gameplay tension, it’s mostly done through jumpscares. Honestly, I’m not averse to jumpscares as a concept, but I find them more funny than anything, especially since I’m usually not startled by them, especially when I know it’s gonna show up. It’s not my go-to for what makes good horror, and this game is no different.

Next let’s talk about the exploration. It’s not particularly great. While you can ‘explore’, there are two caveats. One, you must go to a specific location to progress the story, and two, the game aggressively nudges you to go that way most of the time. There’s very little to find exploring. There are a few collectibles, and seemingly many optional areas, but these are not particularly important to a casual playthrough. So, there’s really no reason to actually explore, and the game the game doesn’t want you to anyway most of the time. Cool.

Honestly, the game got ever so slightly better in Chapter 6, as the checkpoints become more sparse, leading to more tension. This gave me a bit of hope. Of course, the game couldn’t let me be happy. First, they introduce an enemy that, while unique in behavior, is completely useless. All it does is block you. It can’t hurt you. WHY?!?!? One of the few unique enemies and it has no impact?!?! Then, there’s another new enemy type. All these guys do is sit there. That sounds easy to get around, right? Wrong, because the hitboxes on these guys is absolutely nonsensical. I know it’s a top down game though, so I thought, “Maybe it’s just perspective”. But just watch this!! Honestly, this would be a slight annoyance in most games, but it’s the straw that broke the camel’s back here! WHY?!?! WHY DOES IT DO THAT?!?! WHY CAN’T THIS GAME LET ME BE HAPPY!?!?!?!?!?!?

Ahem

Most Survival Horror games have puzzles, and Midnight Shadows kinda does. There’s few overt puzzles like the kind in Zelda or Resident Evil. The most puzzle-esque moments occur in the ‘boss fights’, where the game foreshadows how to defeat them with cutscenes, books, items, etc.... I like this, despite how obvious some of the hints can be. However, it’s not enough to make up for just how boring the rest of it is, especially since actually executing on the solution to a boss is just as boring and annoying as the rest of the game.

Since I’ve been really negative so far, let me give a positive: The game is really good when it comes to horror by exception. What I mean is that it knows when not to show you something. As I said earlier, you can’t see most spooky creatures unless you shine the flashlight on them. However, to run away from them, you obviously have to turn around. As such, when you’re running, you never know quite where the enemy is. This is pretty effective in a vacuum. A few neat things are done with the hiding mechanic too. Most of the time, it’s not great. You just go in a bush or whatever and wait for spirits to go away. You can’t see them, sure, but you also know they can’t hurt you while you hide. Not super engaging. However, they actually do something with it near the end. Yeah, just sitting there is annoying, but there’s a pretty effective moment later on where spoilers a monster basically kills another one while you’re hiding from them. It was a well-presented moment, and it sold me on the power of the spirit I was running from. Still, this moment wasn’t necessarily effective for gameplay, it was mainly just a story segment presented with a game mechanic.

Speaking of which, let’s talk about the story. Let me tell you, I rolled my eyes when the game opens with a character hanging themselves. Don’t get me wrong, I take this topic seriously. However, this game just throws it out right in the beginning in the most manipulative way possible. Why should I care about this other than basic empathy? I know nothing about this character! I’m fine with a story tackling pretty much any subject matter as long as its done with respect, but there’s nothing respectful about this! It’s manipulative!

Does the story really justify this? Not really, at least not in how voyeuristic it feels. If they wanted this opening, I think just implying suicide would’ve been better. The actual reason this girl hung herself was because her dog and dad died and her friend was leaving town. That and ghosts of course. I can’t really say the suicide element added anything overall, despite a literal noose being in the game logo. So we’re off to a really bad start here.

Okay, what if we ignore all that? The story is still mediocre. Spoilers, I guess? Early on, each chapter of the game goes like this: Haru is trying to find her friend Yui. At the beginning we play as Yui for a bit. Then, we play as Haru searching for Yui. Often Haru goes to where Yui was earlier, but Yui is no longer there. Then, Yui is in a new place now for some reason. There’s other stuff, but it doesn’t matter at all in terms of the overall story. As such, it feels pretty repetitive and meandering. I forgot to mention that there’s another character here, Yui’s dog. It’s a dog. For some reason though, it seems to always know where Yui is. It’s not a bloodhound, mind you, but a little Pomeranian. I looked up the breed of the dog, as I’m not a dog expert. However, the dog is a ghost expert for some reason. Honestly, the dog probably does more to find Yui than Haru does, at least in the first half of the game. Really, the dog is little more than a plot device though. The dog runs somewhere, and you have to follow it. Haru wouldn’t get anywhere without this dog. Why isn’t the dog the main character anyway? It can probably hold a flashlight in its mouth. Just let me play as the dog. At least then I wouldn’t have to listen to Haru’s dialogue, which basically adds nothing. Everything she says is either exactly what you’d expect her to say or is just an obvious observation that feels patronizing when pointed out. Later, they try to give her an arc of becoming braver and not being scared of the spirits, but this comes out of nowhere, and it doesn’t actually change the gameplay. She can say she’s not scared all she wants, but the gameplay still revolves around running away, and the heartbeat effect still gets really fast when a spirit is close. The dog was never afraid of ghosts though. Just let me play as the dog, please.

Anyway, surprise, it turns out Yui has been dead this whole time. This isn’t a surprise, considering she hung herself in the opening (Haru is the friend I mentioned earlier, in case you couldn’t tell. The game seems to imply she was dead for a decent amount of time though, and that her and Haru hung out a little bit while she was a ghost. This doesn’t make sense to me because later Haru can’t see her. What changed? That aside, this implication doesn’t make sense at all. Haru is a kid, so I’m sure she told her parents what she was doing. If Yui was missing or known to be dead, wouldn’t people question her about this? Maybe this did happen, but I’d think Haru would’ve brought it up. I guess there’s plausible deniability in this case.

The ending is honestly alright. It does one unique thing regarding actually taking advantage of being a game, and I liked how it ended with Haru having to let Yui go. It’s nice, but it’s also connected to the rest of the game and the actual message wasn’t built up to particularly well. So overall, the story is not great either.

I think the best part of the game is the audiovisuals. All of the backgrounds and monster designs look really good, and the game has some really good sound design. I really love how the menus are made of the main character’s drawings, as it really reminds you that you are indeed playing as a kid. I only had one problem with the audiovisuals, honestly. Occasionally the layers of objects will be off, like an object that should be behind Haru will appear in front of her, for example. Other than that, it’s really great, and it contributes to a decent atmosphere. It seems that this was the bulk of the effort, but it makes me wonder why the creators didn’t just make a manga or anime, considering how basic the gameplay is. It doesn’t really take advantage of the medium in any way that a show or comic couldn’t, and the best parts are the audiovisuals and story, which is perfectly doable in a show.

Anyway uhh… This game is awful. It’s a failure on almost every level. 2/10, although much closer to a 3. It’s saved by the audiovisuals. It’s been a while since I played something this bad. Play Luigi’s Mansion instead or something. Sorry @Moschidae. At least I enjoyed reviewing it.

It seems the surprise popularity of Pizza Tower brought a bit of attention to the Wario Land series, and by extension another upcoming Wario Land inspired game, Antonblast. However, did you know that this won’t be Anton’s first adventure? Indeed, he first showed up in Sonic Spinball for the Sega Genesis! Just kidding, he showed up in Antonball Deluxe. There’s no normal Antonball, by the by, just this deluxe version and the beautifully titled free version, Antonball Deluxe Lite.

Antonball Deluxe is basically the arcade age of Mario meets Breakout. That’s an interesting idea, but I must admit that I was deliberate in my reference to Sonic Spinball earlier. That’s another game that combines 2D platforming with ball-based arcade outings, and I think most would agree that it’s not good. Sometimes unique ideas just don’t pay off. However, Antonball Deluxe does succeed for the most part.

You have a very basic platforming moveset: A dash, jump, and high jump. You need to use these to maneuver Anton so he can knock the ball into the bricks. You can also change the direction of the ball by pressing up and down. It’s fairly simple, but as in most arcade style games, the devil is in the details. Generally, I think the level design is very good. The game starts very simple. The out zone for the ball is narrow, the platform layout is very simple, and there’s no enemies or pits. Once these new ideas are introduced, they’re done in such a way that it’s easy to immediately understand, usually being isolated in a simpler stage. Coins that give you extra points are critically placed in locations that are risky to go to. Likewise, dashing is a way to go faster, but dashing into the ball will make it go flying. If you want to finish the stage quickly for the time bonus this is good, but it can also make the ball harder to keep track of. There’s some pretty fun powerups thrown in for good measure too, most of which really do a good job at making the game more complex. The gun is the best example, as you may try to shoot a brick that will spawn a ball. The caveat is that hitting the brick with the ball makes it spawn two balls instead, so you may want to abstain from shooting the multiball brick in most cases. There’s a lot of little things here that really make the moment-to-moment decision making really fun. My biggest issue with the campaign is that sometimes the ball is just bouncing around in the brick area and you kinda just have to wait for it to come back to start playing again. Thanfully, as the game introduces more enemies and hazards, this becomes less of a problem.

Anyway, let’s look at the other stuff in the game. There’s another mode called Punchball. I admittedly didn’t finish this, but it’s basically the Mario Bros arcade game but you throw a ball to get rid of enemies instead of bonking them from below. Not as intriguing of a concept as the main game in my opinion. This is a fun enough game with its own cool ideas, but I’d rather play the normal game. This mode has just as many levels as the main game too, which I thought was odd. Why not just have 50 levels of the main draw instead of 30 for 2 individual games?

I’d talk about Vs Mode here, but I currently don’t have anyone to play with. I’ll leave a comment if that changes, but let’s go on to the characters in the meantime. Yeah, you can play as 23 different characters. I was kinda hoping that this game would do something similar to Crypt of the Necrodancer where each character is basically a really unique game mode that adds replayability and all, but they all play the same unfortunately. Some of these characters are pretty funny though. You can play as the aptly named ‘Ant on Ball’, or maybe you want to play as Anton’s dog for some reason. Among the goofy cast are a few guests, including Peppino himself. Yeah, I liked playing as him. Most of his animations are made to look like those in Pizza Tower too. There’s also Clive from Clive n’ Wrench, which is a game. I was kinda expecting Voodoo Vince to show up too, but unfortunately he didn’t. I thought all of the characters were neat, but some way to differentiate them from each other could’ve been nice.

Overall, this was a really good game I could see myself coming back to a lot. My biggest fear with Antonblast is that it will be too derivative of Wario Land, but if there’s as much creativity on display in that game as there is in this one, I don’t think that’ll be an issue. 7/10, close to an 8.

I didn't review the first Chameleon Twist, but I did think it was an alright 3D Platformer. There were better 3D Platformers at the time, but it was unique and mostly fun. I was expecting this game to be more of the same, but I thought it was a much lesser experience for multiple reasons.

Let's start with the moveset. Everything from the first game returns. The jumping and running, tongue pull and twist, and the high jump. This game adds something new though, which is that you can now tongue grapple onto any surface. This is really fun to mess around with, and it's such an obvious idea I wonder why it wasn't in the first game.

So really, most of the issues are with the level design. The first was mostly very compact. Many levels took place indoors, which is pretty uncommon in the genre. It was a short and sweet game. By contrast, Chameleon Twist 2 is short and bitter. Every level takes place in some floating location in front of skyboxes that are pretty poor looking. Aside from that, the levels are a bit bigger in general. This is fine, but it means enemies are usually very easy to avoid. You can just walk past most of them, as you're rarely required to or rewarded for engaging with them. The more open levels may also attribute to an issue where the game would regularly place me at checkpoints to areas that I didn't actually reach yet. Multiple times I would barely miss a jump, but I'd be put ahead in the level when I respawn.

I'm also kind of impressed that despite how short and easy this game is, it seems to waste your time a lot. Levels often involve waiting on or for moving platforms. There's also a lot of trial-and-error sections for some reason. There's also powerups here, some of which are detrimental to you. It's completely random which one you get, and one of them makes you slower. Why?!?! Even when you're not waiting, the level design doesn't take advantage of the core mechanic nearly as well as the first game. It's fun enough, but most of it is pretty basic platforming made a little better by a pretty solid moveset.

I think the bosses are on par or even better than those of the first game. They're still pretty basic, but they can be alright.

Overall, this game sucks. It's worse than the original in nearly every way, and the one positive I had was done far better in Super Sami Roll. 4/10, closer to a 3.

Been playing a few N64 3D Platformers lately, and I remembered that Nitro Rad talked about this one. I decided to emulate it pay a lot of money for it on eBay, and it ended up being one of the best in the genre.

This game isn't too far removed from a game like Banjo Kazooie, as most progression is gated from tokens and tickets that you collect throughout sandbox stages. However, what really sets this game above other collectathons is that most variety is still focused in platforming, and the more puzzle-focused sections are still really fun. The titular Rocket has a very simple moveset. Initially, all you can do is move around, jump, and pick up and throw items. While your moveset expands as the game goes on, it's clear that the focus here is on two other elements. First is interaction with the environment. The game gets a lot of mileage out of the grabbing and throwing. Aside from just using items as stepping stools for getting to greater heights, some items have unique properties or need to be broken to get something else out of them. There's also the standard "Bring the thing to the thing", but that can also be fun when you remember certain moves can't be used while holding an item. All of this brings a puzzle twist to many platforming challenges, which is true among all of the unique stage gimmicks as well.

The general stage variety is great as well. It's all themed around an amusement park and most levels fit that. The first level is pretty standard, but the second is a paintball fight mixed with ancient Rome. Another is Halloween themed, with the first half being filled with candy and the second with spooky monsters. It also helps that the stages are well-designed in general. While the game is non-linear, most stages aren't necessarily a wide-open field, instead being interconnected areas. Many individual challenges will wrap around to a central location, activating something that makes any backtracking easier, and usually these conveniences persist even if you die. The only real exception is the final level, which is a linear gauntlet. While this is fun, it is a little too punishing. Unfortunately, the final level also doesn't take advantage of the other focus of the game: The vehicles.

Now, if there's two things I dislike in platformers, it's combat sections and vehicle sections. However, this game does the latter very well. Instead of being some random detour from the core gameplay, the vehicles here are something you have to earn, and you drive them in the same areas you can traverse on foot. or uh... wheel. They're also just really fun to use. Not only are they a quick way to travel, but the objectives are usually very simple and platforming-focused. It was the biggest thing I was worried about going in, but they nailed it.

This game also did something kooky. There's no bosses. Not one. Honestly? Good. Even if the final level was a bit too punishing, it stuck to the game's strengths. Not every game needs combat, much less a 3D Platformer.

I do think it's worth mentioning that one way that Banjo Kazooie trumps this one is in its characters and comedy. Gruntilda was a consistent presence in that game, and was a very effective villain. Rocket has a similar setup to Banjo all things considered, but there's not really a focus on characters or comedy at all. I was fine with that, but I thought it was worth mentioning.

Overall, this is the definition of a hidden gem. One of the best 3D Platformers I've played. I know that Sucker Punch went on to make the Sly Cooper series, so I'm definitely checking those games out. I'm split between an 8 and 9, but I'll give it the benefit for now. 9/10.

Suggested by @AlphaOne2 for this list.

Admittedly, I was a bit concerned in the earlier hours of Dusk. I was enjoying the game, but it would’ve been hard to say much about the early game aside from “It’s like Quake.” That’s just not an interesting review. However, some divergences started about halfway through the first episode, and it improved from there, although it still stuck fairly close to Quake.

First, let’s take a look at the arsenal. The shotgun, super shotgun, riveter, and mortar are pretty much identical to four of the guns from Quake. I’m not gonna fault the game for having a shotgun (Especially when I can dual-wield them), as that’s in pretty much every shooter, but I would’ve appreciated some alterations from the other three guns’ Quake counterparts. Looking at the rest of our loadout, we have a pistol (Which can also be dual-wielded), an assault rifle, a sniper rifle, and a crossbow. Most of these are pretty by-the-books, but I do think the crossbow is rather unique and fun to use. It’s a fairly powerful weapon that passes through enemies, allowing for multiple kills at once if you can line enemies up. However, it also has a bit of kickback, which can be used to gain extra heights from jumps, meaning you can make a few skips if you’re willing to sacrifice a bit of ammo. This is a pretty cool alternative function. Overall, the guns are fairly fun to use, but I wish they were a little more original.

Although, I guess the game also lets you just pick up random stuff and throw it at enemies. I think the best comparison is something like in Half-Life 2 with the gravity gun. You know, you can use objects as a projectile or shield. However, throwing stuff is just… really strong. Why does the barrel do more damage than a shotgun? I dunno, but at the very least it led to me trying to use whatever items I could find. It certainly had an impact on gameplay, but I wish they pushed this a little more. Most items just do the same thing, aside from explosive barrels, which, well, explode, and crystals that cause enemies to attack each other. Throwing barrels and rocks can be fun in moderation, but it’s not particularly gripping gameplay in large chunks. It’s also worth noting that some of the more creative uses of items in Half-Life 2 (Carrying health items, building bridges to advance, etc…) aren’t here in philosophy or in form, likely because they would be a little harder to integrate into a boomer shooter’s level design without making significant changes. Maybe that’s for the better since that kind of stuff would slow down gameplay, but a little more variety of objects and maybe a weapon specialized to object interaction could’ve been great without sacrificing speed.

Even disregarding the previous paragraph, the map design was probably the biggest issue for me in the opening hours. It’s initially very flat, and I mean that literally. Most shootouts would take place in either a cramped building or a flat plain, so verticality wasn’t taken advantage of at all. As the game goes on, the level design becomes far more interesting. The fans that shoot you up into the air were a fun addition that keep things quick, wide-open arenas have many layers but aren’t a hassle to traverse, and levels will usually wrap around themselves to reduce excess backtracking. Later on, even more unique level design elements are introduced, and the game has a greater sense of variety without sacrificing the core appeal of ”HUGGH”-ing everywhere and shooting. The level design pretty much always fits the atmosphere; High-energy levels are wide open and play rock music, while unnerving levels are dark and cramped. The game does use the basic three keys approach that Doom and Quake use, but I really don’t think that’s an issue at all.

The enemy design is pretty good. They’re all distinct and fit the high-speed gameplay. Most enemies are aggressive, but you can always deal with them if you’re skilled enough. “Just keep moving” is the name of the game here, as is in most good boomer shooters. The best examples of this are the wendigo, grand wizard, and cart dog. You just can’t deal with these guys while still in 9 out of 10 cases, which is just how I like it. There are also bosses here. They’re mostly good, but not particularly great. Most of the boss arenas are pretty basic and the most unique one was just filled with bottomless pits, which was annoying. The final boss was the best in this regard though, as the arena is more interesting and there’s more strategy to the fight. The game also does that “The boss is a normal enemy but big!” cliché a few times (Although it also makes a boss a normal enemy but small, which I thought was funny). It’s neat that most bosses can be skipped, but I don’t think it’s a compliment to say the best thing about something is that it’s optional.

One thing I really liked here was that there is a sense of progression here between levels and episodes. You start in this rural area and fight occult enemies, but at the end of the first episode you discover that this rural town is being watched by a high-tech organization. After that, you go into an alternate dimension, where the final episode takes place. It strikes a good balance between keeping momentum in both the story and gameplay. The theming is pretty varied here, but it also feels like this variety is cohesive in how it progresses.

Before I begin wrapping this up, I want to talk briefly about difficulty. In games where you can save whenever, I always impose a limit in terms of how many times I can save. With boomer shooters, I always allow myself a single mid-level save, as well as one before bosses in most cases. There’s something to be said about how easy it is to save scum in games like this, but I never felt the desire to do this, as even at its hardest this game rarely felt cheap. I played on the normal difficulty, and while I felt that health resources were always well-balanced, I consistently had tons of ammo. Maybe it’s just because I consistently would break crates for ammo, look for secrets, and use melee when possible, but I still think there’s a lot of value in being strapped for ammo when it comes to shooters. The game leaned into this a little bit in the third chapter where you start off with very few guns, but I still think ammo should’ve been a little scarcer.

Visually, this game is certainly trying to evoke the low-poly era of games. It looks good enough, but not particularly great to be honest. I do like the creature designs, but the animations aren’t super impressive. While the lighting can be striking occasionally, it also can be jarring when an object suddenly shifts from glowing blue to glowing green. However, I really like the sound design. Not necessarily the music, although the music was good. No, it’s the sound effects that are great. I really love when you must listen in games, and Dusk is a good example. There is a visual tell for Wendigos, but the audio tell will almost always come first. Same with the Mamas, which are probably the most dangerous normal enemies. I will never hear squeaky wheels again without having a fight or flight reaction. Pretty much every dangerous enemy has a distinct sound, which I love.

Overall, it was a fun boomer shooter. It’s derivative of Quake, but there’s enough different here that there’s instances where I’d want to play Dusk instead of Quake and vice versa. The creators have hinted at the possibility of an extra episode, and considering the game improved as it went on, a new episode or sequel could be great. I know New Blood went on to publish Ultrakill though, which is another game I’m playing because of the suggestion list, so I’m looking forward to that. Anyway, Dusk a fun game, and I’d recommend it to anyone who enjoys Quake or Doom. 7/10, but I could raise it to an 8.

“You take the blue pill... the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill... you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.”
-Morpheus, The Matrix, 1999
…
Chapter 1: The History of Glover

Near the turn of the century, in 1998, a game was released. Published by Hasbro, it was entitled Glover. It’s a 3D platformer where you take control of a Glove. Of course, like all great art, it was more than that, but we will discuss this later. For brevity’s sake, let’s say that it’s a by-the-books 3D platformer. At the time, the genre was popular, so Glover naturally achieved a level of success, selling over a million units across all platforms (I), but the sequel, which was almost complete, was cancelled. You see, while the game was a success, Hasbro ordered too many cartridges, which retailers didn’t want to stock. This ended up costing the company a significant amount, and the sequel was the scapegoat for this loss. This is all according to a blog post from Hasbro employee James Steele. I would link it in the references, but the main source has been lost when the website it was posted on went down.

However, this cloud had a silver lining. While this overabundance of cartridges was detrimental to Hasbro’s bottom line, it meant the game was far more accessible in the retro market years later. It had high supply, and, unfortunately, low demand. Therefore, copies of this game were affordable on any platform (II).

I think to some extent, I was destined to play Glover. My favorite genre of videogames is the 3D Platformer, and I had recently obtained a Nintendo 64 around 2021 or so. I also was starting college (Studying for a Mathematics Degree), so I wanted to play games without spending a significant amount of money. Of course, now I know even cheaper ways to obtain retro video games, but I wasn’t wise in such ways even just around 2 years ago. I likely heard about the game, likely from someone on YouTube, and I ended up buying the game for only $15. This was a fairly low price for a N64 game, and I ask that you keep that price in mind for later. Anyway, I ended up playing the game not too long after on August 27th, 2021, a day I will never forget. That day was the day my life changed forever.
…
Chapter 2: The Literal Review of Glover

Before I analyze the themes and metacommentary of this game, I’ll do a surface level review. Keep in mind, I played the N64 version, which is superior for several reasons. I may bring up some negative points here, but I’ll explain why they’re actually integral to the game in Chapter 3 of this analysis. The game begins with the Wizard, who has two sentient gloves with which he brews potions in his palace. He seemingly makes a mistake while brewing the potion, which turns him into stone. One Glove falls into a potion, and the other falls out of the palace. The potion turns the former glove (Cross Stitch) evil and the latter glove (Glover) has to stop him, gathering gems that were turned to gems along the way. This is a general summary of the plot.

Now, I think the most transparently good thing about this game is the movement. This game came out in 1998, and still has one of the best and most unique movesets of a 3D platformer. Initially it seems pretty tame, just a jump, double jump, ground pound, and completely useless cartwheel. However, when one takes the ball into account, the moveset is expanded significantly. Glover can dribble the ball to achieve greater height, throw and slap the ball to hit enemies and switches or get the ball to a higher area, run on the ball to float over water, or even ground pound on the ball to do a super high jump. You can also transform the ball into different forms, such as a ball bearing, bowling ball, and its original gem form. It’s an extremely creative moveset in an era when developers struggled to make basic ones.

When it comes to platformers, I think most would agree that good movement is only half of the game. The second half is good level design. This is where many would say Glover falters. In my opinion, the best level design in this game revolves mostly around using Glover’s abilities in clever ways. On my recent playthrough, I got to a level in the first world where these ball guys try and knock away your ball. They’re really good at it. I lost quite a few lives trying to get away from them, as every time they touched the ball it went flying and I lost a life. However, I eventually realized that if I turn the ball into a cannon ball this section becomes doable. I wouldn’t say that this every level has an encounter like this, but pretty much every level does require a mix of normal platforming and puzzle solving, with very little precision platforming thrown in, which I do think is for the best. When you’re holding the ball, the controls are very slippery and loose. The ball will roll down slopes and often bounces a little after landing. Like I said, I think this is fine when the game doesn’t demand precision, but its last few levels do demand quite a bit more, which sucks.

One thing I enjoyed here was collecting the garibs, which are just collectible cards that, while not integral to progressing the game like notes in Banjo-Kazooie or something, do grant points which contribute to extra lives. I like two specific mechanics that contribute to points. One, collecting a lot of garibs in quick succession grants more points, and two, collecting them while the ball is in gem form doubles points. This introduces not only an incentive for speed, but also a risk-reward system that I think is cool.

In terms of the presentation, Glover has a significant amount of style and substance. I’ll mostly talk about the substance in the next chapter, but for now let’s discuss the style and general technical details. For the console, this game looks really good. Everything’s well animated, especially the ball, which seems to be an actual 3D model. However, the draw distance is really short. This is common for the system, but this game in particular has a really short draw distance, which is probably a result of the high poly count. The game also runs at 20fps, which isn’t unheard of at the time, but it kinda stings when combined with the draw distance. Anyway, the music is actually really good. Many tracks have a sort of swing style, although you clearly don’t get the full range of such a song with the midi songs used. I would be remised if I didn’t mention the seagull song (III), which might just be the best song in any videogame ever.

I suppose I should talk about the PS1 version. It’s generally worse. They tweaked a few things with the physics without changing the level design, so the game isn’t as well designed overall. This is a good video (IV)If you want a comprehensive look at all the version differences, sans the recent Steam release.

So overall, on the surface level, Glover is a ambitious but flawed 3D Platformer. Good movement, inconsistent level design, doesn’t perform incredibly well, but good music. I would’ve given it a 6/10, but I couldn’t help but try and look below the surface for this game.

And then, everything changed.
…
Chapter 3: Why Glover is a Masterpiece of Sociopolitical Commentary

I understand the perceived absurdity of the title of this chapter. “How can this videogame where you play as a glove be in any way an intelligent sociopolitical commentary? However, one should remember that many of the most beloved works of art have surface level abstraction and absurdity which hides a deeper meaning. Katamari Damacy and its sequel immediately come to mind, but there are many others. Absurdism has always been combined with profundity to create works of art, and Glover is no different.

One thing I forgot to mention earlier is that before the villain was named Cross-Stitch, his name was Glovel. Clearly, this is a nod to the Wizard’s left hand, while Glover is a reference to his right hand. This is a clever nod, but the actual meaning behind these names goes deeper. I’m sure many of you know where this is going: Glover represents the political right, while Glovel represents the political left. I’m sure many of you are thinking now, as I did when I initially made this realization, “Ah, I see. This game’s story is merely a shallow political statement. That’s unfortunate.” However, I couldn’t help but think that there was a deeper layer to this, so I didn’t write Glover off just yet.

The true breakthrough here came around October of last year. I was in Physics Class, studying very hard, and we had recently started talking about Torque. My professor was talking about Right-Hand Rule, and how it’s a subtle yet clear remnant of mass overt discrimination against left-handed people. I had heard about this discrimination before (IV), but I had not devoted significant thought to it since I played Glover, so only then did I have a realization. Glovel himself is a left hand and meant to represent victims of discrimination. Glovel’s transformation into Cross-Stitch isn’t a bad faith statement, it’s a commentary on how bigotry leads to perceived extremism from oppressed groups. Glovel was oppressed, but when he gained power, he started a revolution. The character designs of Glover and Cross-Stitch represent their differences. See how Cross-Stitch has a mouth. He shall be silenced no more, he will proclaim loudly his desire for equality. Glover, however, has no mouth in most artwork. You can view the box art on this very website to see that. He simply follows his orders unthinkingly, never vocalizing his own thoughts. Yes, now everything falls into place. Maybe Glover could try to compromise or at least listen to Cross-Stitch, but he can only see what’s immediately in front of him, not seeing the greater picture when it comes to Cross-Stitch’s actions. Of course! That’s why the draw distance is so low, to represent this character flaw! It was not a flaw of the game, but a flaw of the character! The same can be said of the more precision-platforming focus as the game continues. As the game goes on, Glover tries to stay on the straight and narrow; unflinching not only physically, but morally. Do you see why this game is such a masterpiece? This game has created one of the most sophisticated sociopolitical narratives in history with no dialogue. There’s such a subtle unity between the narrative and gameplay that one could cry. I have cried. I’ve cried many times, thinking of the tragic story of Cross-Stitch and his pursuit of justice.

But still, we’re missing something here. The Wizard. He is the key to this story, the linchpin. After all, Glover and Glovel were merely his tools, in a way. Is this meant to represent a covert organization that is in true control? I would say so. I’m sure anyone who’s had even a minor interest in politics has heard the proclamation that bipartisan politics are influenced by large corporations, or even a secret society. Many say that these people often practice rituals of sorts. This is not unlike the actions of a conventional wizard, so it’s clear that the Wizard is the true villain of Glover. He has no values, and controls both sides of a bipartisan system, only seeking ‘justice’ when one party is no longer in his control.

It's clear that Glover is a tragedy. Two gloves were manipulated by an evil wizard, but one of them gains power and can actually fight for what he believes in. He even recruits his friends, one of which is another misunderstood being, Frankenstein. Glover, believing that he needs to keep order in the world, destroys his friend. It’s an incredible tale that says so much about life and our world. Maybe one could argue that this game isn’t perfect. That’s true, I don’t believe that perfection can be achieved by humanity, but maybe we can achieve something else: Originality. When I consider many of my favorite works of art, Wario Land 4, Hypnospace Outlaw, Watchmen, Baki Hanma, American Psycho, Dead Dead Demon’s Dededede Destruction, and so on, I don’t just love them for their lack of flaws, but because they showed my something new.

I can already see it. Several millions of years from now, when humanity has perished or fled the Earth, somehow a new species will arrive, whether it be from the ground or the skies. In the ruins of the world, Glover will survive because of the excess of cartridges. Somehow, these creatures will find a way to play it. They may not understand the sociopolitical commentary, they wouldn’t know what gloves are, let alone hands. But they will learn of those things. Isn’t that the best thing art can do? Is that not the essence of life, to learn? I learned so much from this game. It taught me the beauty of life. In the end, I gotta love the Glove.

There’s just one issue.
…
Chapter 4: How Piko Interactive is Corrupting this Seminal Masterpiece

If you only wanted to hear my thoughts on Glover, you can leave. Certainly, I’ve kept you for long enough already. These next sections are talking about the current state of Glover.

To talk about Glover in the modern day, I must introduce Piko Interactive. Piko Interactive is known for buying the rights to old games and reselling them. I’m not going to say they’re pure evil. They’ve done some cool stuff, such as releasing 40 Winks for the N64, which is an entirely different story, but then they bought Glover. Now, if I haven’t made it clear, I like Glover so I’d hope that the rights holders would treat the property with respect. Unfortunately, Piko made their intentions clear when they started taking down ROMs of Glover.

Now, Piko had announced a re-release of Glover at this point, but it wasn’t actually available to buy. Therefore, aside from roms, you had one option to play Glover: Buy the game for one of its original platforms, preferably Nintendo 64. This decision benefits no one. At this point, Piko was not selling Glover, so any emulation wouldn’t take away from potential sales. Trying to cope with how poorly this masterpiece was being handled, I lied to myself. “Delta, you must calm down. Surely you know, Piko is simply trying to make good on an investment. They will release a great port of Glover to Steam and other storefronts, and the emulation won’t even be necessary.” My lie failed to account for many points, but I wanted to believe Piko cared about Glover, and so I did. However, I couldn’t continue lying to myself when the game was actually released.

If you recall earlier, I stated that I bought my first copy of Glover for only about $15 USD. That’s a good deal for a physical N64 game, but most games from that console generation go for a maximum of $10 on digital storefronts nowadays. The best example is Nintendo’s Virtual Console on the Wii and Wii U, which sold N64 games for only $10, and that was several years ago. Let’s look at other examples of games from that generation on digital stores. We’ll only look at ports/emulation. Quake 1 and 2 are $10, and Quake 3 rides the line at $15. Doom 64 is only $5. Final Fantasy VII is $12. Certainly, it makes sense that a digital rerelease of a game from the past would cost less than a physical version of pretty much any game from that generation.

How about Glover? How much did its re-release cost?

$20.

Yes, the game was released for more money than it cost me to get a physical copy in 2021. I can’t think of many games that were released pre 7th Generation where a re-release costed more than just buying a physical copy. You may say, “But Delta, surely you understand that game prices have gone up since 2021. Don’t rely on outdated data.”

I say, “That is true. However, dear reader, I bought ANOTHER copy of Glover only four months ago. It was only $16.”

You may say, “Delta, you said earlier that you were studying Mathematics, and by extension, at least some level of statistics. Surely you know that only two samples is not reliable data for a population mean. You will need a far greater sample space. I will only accept a population mean value range around or below $20 if the confidence interval is with 95% certainty minimum.”
…
I WENT ON EBAY, SELECTED 50 RANDOM USED COPIES OF GLOVER FOR NINTENDO 64, TOOK THEIR PRICE AND FOUND THAT WITH 95% CONFIDENCE, THE POPULATION MEAN WAS BETWEEN $18.18 AND $21.65. THE MEAN OF THE SAMPLE WAS $19.92, SEVEN CENTS LESS THAN BUYING GLOVER ON STEAM. I WIN, PIKO INTERACTIVE!!! I WIN!!!

(I very well could’ve made a mistake, so if you want to check my work, add me on Discord at ‘cesargarlandouroboros’, and I’ll send you my work. Also, anything I say about Piko is satire.)

But I’m willing to cut Piko a break. They included both the N64 and PSX versions of the game. Yes, the PSX version is far inferior, but you are still technically getting two games. Also, I’m sure at least one of those copies of Glover is a dud. At least, when you buy the Steam port, you know it will work as intended.
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…Not really though, because the Steam Port kinda sucks.

How? How did they mess this up? Even Nintendo, who is rightly criticized when it comes to their retro re-releases, usually deliver a fine level of quality when they do re-release a game. For some reason though, this port is a mess! To give Piko credit, they fixed an infamous bug that would delete saves and upped the draw distance (As we’ve gone over the draw distance is important, but I understand why Piko would think it’s an issue and appreciate the effort). However, there’s plenty of issues as well! The game still only runs at 20fps! When it first released, you couldn’t even exit the game without control f-4. When someone complained about this, Piko made fun of the person! There’s tons of other issues that I’m not going to get into, some of which have been fixed, but I think you get the point (If you want a look at some issues at launch, this is a good video) (VI). Piko released a sub-par version of a game for more money than it costs to get physically and removed ROMs of the game meaning that most people wanting to play Glover will buy their middling port and not see it for the masterpiece it truly is. This is quite possibly one of the worst things that could happen to Glover.

Piko Interactive has done a few other things with Glover, such as extremely expensive physical re-releases, but I’m not too concerned about that. Sure, $60 is a lot for a cartridge you can likely get for $18.18 – $21.65, but they do infamously cost a lot to produce, and I guess it is a collector’s item at the end of the day.

However, just like the previous time company interference ruined Glover, there is a silver lining here.
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Chapter 5: Glover 2

Do you remember when I mentioned 40 Winks, the unreleased N64 game Piko gave an official release? Well, Piko has expressed interest in finishing Glover 2 and releasing it. Now, Piko already kind of goofed with a game that’s already finished, so I’m sure they could do way more damage when it comes to finishing a game, but we’ll see. It would still be really cool if they did it. But please, Piko, if you do end up finishing Glover 2, don’t remove the beta version available right now.
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Chapter 6: Afterword

If you read the entire review, thanks. I don’t plan to make many reviews in this style, but I thought it would be interesting to do at least one, and maybe I’ll do something else like this one day.

Ever since I played Glover I had an inexplicable adoration for it. Even on this website, you can likely find many examples of me proclaiming my love. When I started this review, I planned to say “Yeah, my love is ironic, the game is mid.” However, as I wrote this review, I began to realize that I do really love this game. There’s no other game I’d go to such efforts to make a review of. Even replaying for this review, while the game does have some obvious rough patches, I still had a lot of fun with it. As such, I decided it was time to put Glover on the throne of my favorites list. Truly, I have lost all credibility.

Anyway, check out Glover. I’m sure you can find a ROM of the N64 version somewhere.
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References:
(I): https://www.vgchartz.com/game/864/glover/?region=All

(II): https://www.pricecharting.com/game/nintendo-64/glover

(III): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3OQzAMDQjGA
Game has three composers (Rob Lord, Paul Weir, Mark Bandola) and I couldn’t find out who composed this specific track :( .

(IV): https://historydaily.org/why-does-left-mean-wrong/8

(V): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EsdyYg8RT0 ‘XP: Glover (N64 Vs. PC Vs. PS1) |
Is It Any Good?’ ExoParadigmGamer. June 28, 2019.

(VI): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYVj3fMuoGY
‘Glover’s PC Port in 2022’. ThumbsUpMaster. May 2, 2022.

Gotta thank @Galaxy003 for gifting me this along with the entire trilogy.

You see a lot of fourth-gen inspired games, and a decent amount of third-gen inspired games too, but there's not many games inspired by titles from before those eras. Faith is one of the few that actually fits that category, and there is a deliberacy in this stylistic choice. The game is trying to evoke that era, one that housed a 'Satanic Panic' where many Christians in the US would accuse new things of demonic for some reason. Naturally, one of these hobbies was that of videogames. It's not like this sort of behavior is completely gone (I used to live in the Deep South of the US and you could still find multiple people who hold these beliefs there), but it was most prevalent around the early to mid 80s, so making a game styled around that era of games is an interesting choice.

I must confess that I haven't played many Atari games, and the few I have played are just arcade ports. However, this game does seem mostly faithful to that era, no pun intended. The only things you can really do is walk around, hold up a crucifix to scare demons, and open a map. Any important objects are interacted with by either flashing the crucifix or just walking into them. I must admit, I wish this game had some kind of interact button, because most user interaction is pretty repetitive. Walk around, point your crucifix at the creepy guys and anything that looks suspicious, repeat. This is pretty much how the entire game works . One could argue that deeper interaction wasn't really common in the era, but neither was the walls of text that this game tells the majority of its story with. I understand that visual storytelling is probably difficult to do when your game has less detail than Super Mario Bros. I think the game should've made more use of text in the style of the 'Kill her' that was painted in blood at the end. Even if it kinda lessened the impact of such moments, it would've been better on multiple fronts in my opinion. The actual story is fine enough, but I feel that the way its presented hurts it.

I also liked the rotoscope moments well enough. Sure, they definitely wouldn't be on the atari 2600, but it stays consistent with that console's limited range of colors.

Overall, it's fine. I definitely think this game's brevity is a positive, but that doesn't negate a few of the issues I have with it. It's fine, but I'm hoping that the sequels are better. 5/10.

Recommended by @Gare for this list.

I think many people are familiar with Little Samson and how even back in the day when retro games were far cheaper, it was ridiculously expensive. This is mainly due to it selling very poorly, only to receive a cult following years later. Sorry Mom, but I think I’ve gotta join the cult on this one.

Little Samson isn’t overtly revolutionary, unlike many beloved NES games. For this game, I think many would agree with the description of “Wonder Boy III combined with Castlevania III.” Certainly, this game takes a lot from the former (Multiple controllable characters, a few RPG elements) and a bit from the latter (Linear stages with a few branching paths, switching characters in-level). However, I think that misses a lot of why this game really works for me. To me, the biggest strength is how well the game is designed around pretty much any combination of your characters. The titular Samson is the all-rounder, the Dragon can fly but attacking and defense is sub-par, the Golem is slow but has the best attack and defense, and even the mouse, while very frail, is also very agile and can be surprisingly effective against some bosses. This isn’t everything that these characters can and can’t do, but it demonstrates the main choices a player will be making. You could fly over many gaps with the Dragon but abusing it too much could cause the Dragon to die which would result in you losing it for the level, inevitably causing problems down the line. The Golem can take a ton of shots before dying, but it also is the only character that can walk on spikes, so is it worth it to use it as a tank all the time instead of waiting for an area with spikes? Which character should I heal or increase the max health of? No matter what though, the level design feels well made for any character(s). What ties this together is that every character goes away permanently before being restored on a game over, which honestly makes replaying levels a little more fun, as your new try at a level will most likely be different from the last. It also creates a natural requirement for players to use each character to the fullest to succeed.

Every character goes away, that is, except Samson himself. He will always be playable. Honestly, I think this was a bit of a missed opportunity. This means the strategy is always to switch to Samson if your other guys are low on health, especially on boss fights. It also means that one of the strengths of the mouse, running on walls and ceilings, is basically null and void as Samson can do these as well and you might as well just use him instead in most cases. It’s not that bad, especially since the revival potions kinda negate the issue, but I do think the game would be better if Samson was treated the same as the other members, although a few challenges would need to be tweaked to compensate.

I also think it’s worth mentioning that this game has an easy mode! It’s far from the best implementation of a difficulty mode in a game (That goes to Armored Core: For Answer and Wario Land 4), but it is well made overall. There are some distinct but not ridiculous tweaks to enemy placement, health, bosses and more. Usually, I wouldn’t care about this kind of thing, and while this game is far from the hardest NES game, it’s difficult enough (Especially near the end, which seems to be a rule for NES games) that I think this option was a good idea.

This was a late NES game, and it’s one of the prettier games on the console. The backgrounds look really good, and the animations are pretty smooth for the NES. This game was released two years after the SNES came out, but I feel it’s still worth mentioning. However, it seems the music took a hit as a result. There aren’t actual stage themes here, but character themes. If you’re playing as Samson, you’ll always hear his singular theme, and the same goes for every other party member. The music itself is solid, but not enough to stave off the repetition.

Overall though, this is undoubtedly one of the best games of the 8-bit era. Is it worth thousands of dollars? Uh… maybe if I was a millionaire, I’d shell out that kind of cash. Although, I did win a bet with @Gare, who said he’d give me a million dollars. I gotta collect soon… anyway, 9/10, definitely closer to an 8 though.

Recommended by @LordDarias for this list.

As time has gone on, I've appreciated shorter games more and more. Tet is probably one of the shortest games I've ever played. However, Tet itself is made up of even shorter minigames. There's many layers to the shortness of this game! I've seen comparisons drawn to WarioWare, and while I haven't played that game yet, it seems to be an apt comparison. You have a limited time to understand and finish these extremely brief cooking minigames. They're all fine enough, although not particularly great or anything, especially once you've already figured out how to do them. As short as this game is, I don't think it's particularly replayable because of this.

There's really not much else to say here. The presentation is fine, but it could've been better overall. Honestly, one could ascribe that to the overall game. However, I enjoyed it well enough. It's super short and free, and even gives you the recipes for the food, which is neat. This game is somewhere between a 5 and 6 out of 10, but I'll give it the benefit for now.