48 reviews liked by Hooimansen


Peach only gives you a kiss for rescuing her and no sex. Fucking bitch, I went through 70 plus stars for your distressed damsel ass and still no T&A. Bullshit.

Shigeru Miyamoto has gone on record saying that Mario “isn’t the kind of game you necessarily have to finish, it should be fun to just pick up and play,” and as a kid I often really would boot it up solely to jump around Bob-Omb Battlefield for a bit and feel myself or whatever. A pattern I’ve observed with a lot of gamers is that, as they get older, they slowly prioritize finishing games over simply the inherent fun of playing them — and while I definitely feel that was accurate for my late teens/early twenties as well, I’ve since returned to craving those more innate pleasures.

It’s wild how much Nintendo got right about Mario’s animations and the overall sound design on this first attempt, conveying that perfect sweetspot between weight and nimbleness, something I honestly don’t get as much out of 64's successors. Similarly, the level design also manages to find this nebulous since-unmatched middle-ground between open-ness and tight pacing, with many of the stages presenting you with vertical, spiral-shaped layouts, made up of multiple digestible paths that intersect so seamlessly that you never stop to think about them as anything other than one cohesive whole.

Aspects that feel like obvious limitations, like being booted out of the level when grabbing a Star or the rigid camera, end up aiding the game’s pacing and overall structure the more you actually think about it. The way you bounce between different paintings within Peach’s castle, completely at your own leisure, mirrors how you tackle the obstacles inside those worlds; loose and free-form and whichever way seems enjoyable to you at the moment without even having to think about it. It all seems so simple, and yet I’m still waiting for another platformer that is this immediately fun and endlessly replayable.

Game so bad the reason most people play it today is because they want to skip most of it

Snake x Otacon yaoi is OVERRATED
I’m tired of FAKE YAOI FANS gassing up this UTTER DOGSHIT

You never know if the game will be a great FPS or if they drastically changed the whole HUD and interface for no reason.

No joking, this is what would happen if gun ownership was legalized here in Brazil.

this is what it feels like to be near-sighted

When Sephiroth said "Do you know the way" and I burst out laughing, I realized I have the internet equivalent of Mako poisoning.

This game is a Rebirth in the way that Buddhists believe you will be reborn as a hungry ghost with an enormous stomach and a tiny mouth as a punishment for leading a life consumed by greed and spite