Awesome Kanna Facts died for this.

In the distant past, on God’s green Earth, “Eve, my Beloved”, a grand Goose uttered. But said Goose would grow and grow over the course of several years. But after several reviews and lists, zeusdeegoose was plunged into an Ice Age. zeusdeegoose was left no choice but to redo older, less polished reviews, and thus restore zeusdeegoose to its former greatness as it once was.

Corny-ass intro aside, Blaster Master Zero is a game trilogy that I hold near and dear to my heart. Damn it, Inti. Mega Man Zero, and now this? With the word “Zero” in a title, they can truly go anywhere... Both series of games have left an extremely long lasting impact on me, Blaster Master Zero III especially, being my second favorite game of all time, right next to yet ANOTHER series of... expansions (???) which I hold even nearer and dearer to my heart. But I’ve rarely talked about Blaster Master Zero despite my high praise for each and every one of the entries, and like I said, Zero III is just peak. Straight up. But in order to get to Zero III, I need to talk about I and II, because yes, you MUST play each Blaster Master Zero game in order to understand the others. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. The whole trilogy is available for a slick $17 on sale, go buy it, you won’t regret it. So like I said, before we get to the second best game of all time, we gotta get through the other best games of all time. No bias. And right off of the bat, we have to cover the worst one in the series, Zero I. And it still gets an 8/10, so yeah, we’re off to a pretty good start. No bitching today, folks! Well mostly, anyways. But I'mma lay all of that out in the Battlefield. So, without further ado, here's why the Blaster Master Zero Trilogy is a masterpiece, kicking off with Blaster Master Zero I.

Blaster Master Zero I was born out of a perfect set of flukes. Somewhere around E3 2015, rest in peace, Matt Papa, the then-localizer of Inti Creates, had suffered an injury which rendered him unable to attend E3. Without any way to communicate with other E3 attendees, work was called off at Inti Creates. Aizu, President of Inti Creates, wandered around E3, accidentally stumbling across a meeting with Sunsoft and Nintendo. The meeting wasn't going very well, with Sunsoft unsuccessfully trying to get Nintendo's support for a Blaster Master project. Aizu asked if there was anything he could assist with, and with that, Inti Creates was officially on board for Blaster Master Zero. It's a cute story of how Blaster Master Zero, but one that should be remembered for Zero III. Mark my words.

Blaster Master Zero was announced for release on March 3rd, 2017 in Japan on the Nintendo 3DS and Nintendo Switch, with the West getting the game a few days later on the 9th. The game was a hit when it launched. Everyone spoke great things about it, and it reviewed solidly, too. It later got a port to Steam in June of 2019, thanks to Blaster Master Zero II’s upcoming release, and was then released on PS4 and Xbox in the Summer of ‘20 and ‘21, respectively. Unlike Gunvolt, there is no true definitive port. Each port has the same base content with zero changes aside from the included DLC, with Steam and PS4 including Gunvolt and Ekoro as playable characters, and in the case of the 3DS release, it runs at 30FPS. But really, who cares? Play any version you want. Like the game? Buy the DLC. Hate it? Don't buy it. At its core, Zero I is still the same game no matter what, and also the same price on all platforms, too. Like most games, I went with the Steam release, but I do also own the game on 3DS. So, there's only one thing left to do. Review Blaster Master Zero I!

Zero I’s story is a love letter to classic Blaster Master. Because of poor localization standards, the original Blaster Master has two separate stories. In Japan, the game was called MetaFight. It's more of a Sci Fi story, while in the West, the version dubbed Blaster Master, it's about a boy killing all of these monsters just to save a fuckin’ frog. This leaves Zero I in a pickle. Do they adapt the Japanese or Western story? The answer? Both. Yes, Blaster Master Zero is a merger of the two storylines, and it shouldn't work as well as it does. Zero I has a very simple story, but it's solid for what it attempts to do. In the not-too distant future, the Earth goes through a long period of human conflicts, causing the Earth to undergo an Ice Age. Humankind is forced to evacuate and regroup underground. During this time, a meteor crashes into Earth, but is shrugged off and ignored. A few hundred years pass, and humans are finally able to enter the surface once more, abandoning the Underground realm which they called home. Jason Freudnick, a scientist, encounters a frog-like creature, dubbed Fred. One day, Fred says, “Fuck this shit”, jumping into an inexplicable portal. Jason gives chase and discovers Sophia III, a battle tank from the ancient era. Giving no hesitation, Jason blasts off in Sophia III, eager to find Fred!

Blaster Master Zero, believe it or not, is NOT A REMAKE of Blaster Master. You hear that? Once more for those in the back, Blaster Master Zero IS NOT A REMAKE. It’s a reboot. I lose a year off of my life whenever someone says otherwise. Disregarding my annoyances, Blaster Master Zero takes everything that’s great about the original Blaster Master’s design, and polishes it up for the modern era. Blaster Master Zero is split between two separate styles of gameplay; the Tank mode, and Jason mode. You'll predominantly play within the Tank, the powerhouse of the two. It can take and deal a solid smackdown, but its larger size makes certain parts of the stage inaccessible. This is where Jason mode comes in, and while Jason is a very weak character, he can still put up a decent fight, and can also enter areas where the Tank can’t. When it comes to the Tank gameplay, the controls are just as snappy and reliable as the original. The most noticeable addition to the Zero saga is the ability to aim diagonally, by holding R, a staple of the modern metroidvania, working delightfully. Another minor, yet necessary improvement to Blaster Master Zero is the remapping of subweapons to L, rather than Down and Attack, a much more convenient button mapping. Add in a map and overworld bosses, which were strangely missing in Blaster Master, and you have a much more enjoyable game to boot! Sophia is a joy to control in the overworld, with there being even more variety in the upgrades. HP ups, charge shots, dashes, fucking ACCELERATION BLAST??? I love me some Accel Blast. It completely destroys anything in it’s path, costing a full SP bar, but it’s well worth it, practically one shotting everything. It’s awesome! So I think that the Tank mode is undoubtedly a success, but what about Jason? After all, he’s the main character of the story. Oh, speaking of which...

In Area 2, Jason finds an unconscious girl, dubbed Eve (Worlds of Power reference. Awesome), the BEST CHARACTER, who knows a lot about Sophia III. Who knows where she came from? Nobody knows, even herself, as she’s undergone amnesia. Not wanting to leave her for dead, Jason lets Eve tag along, assisting as his co-pilot. The two form a respectable bond, and eventually become [SPOILERS] in the True Ending. Yeah, over a fucking frog by the way. Eve is as helpful as ever, giving information about the current Area, and also giving you tips about the Tank that you’re in. But eventually, Eve is able to recall her grim past, alongside Fred and Sophia’s. The three were sent down to Earth in order to defeat the mutants which had invaded Earth, no matter the cost. While Eve wishes for Jason to no longer be involved in the scuffle, Jason refuses and continues to extend his support to Eve. And with this, the music in the overworld changes into a much more confident, triumphant tune that’s stuck with me for a long time. And that transitions perfectly into the Jason segments!

In Blaster Master, Jason was arguably the lower point of the game. His gameplay leaned too heavily on perfection and spamming buttons, And even then, perfection was still punishable, thanks to the gun powerups being too niche. It was still fun, but incredibly difficult, and potentially frustrating.This all changes with the almost entirely reworked systems in Zero I. It’s not even a competition here. Jason in Zero 1 completely SHITS on the original version. For those unaware of what a Blast, Er, Mast, or is, Jason’s segments are top-down shooters. Jason could move, shoot, strafe, upgrade his gun with capsules, and bomb. Get hit (and you WILL get hit), your gun upgrade goes down. That’s it. A very simple, but not inherently flawed style of gameplay. Zero I just upped the ante from here. At its core, the original philosophy remains intact. Jason has his blaster, and his bombs, too. He can also upgrade his guns, as well. But you want to do this, as not only are all of the gun upgrades awesome, with Wave being the end-all, be-all of the guns, but Blaster Master Zero introduces the Weakness system, a great motivation to use most guns in the game. Also, bombs have seen a major nerf, as they no longer have infinite usage, and they also have a cooldown now. But, in turn, they always stun bosses. It’s a solid tradeoff, in my eyes. Also, you get more bomb types in general, all of which are pretty solid. The Nuke one especially, being by far the most broken. Seriously, this shit requires 1 BOX of ammo, and then you can haul ass, doing almost 180 BLASTER SHOTS WORTH OF DAMAGE. It’s absolutely insane. Requiring 5 boxes surely wouldn’t have hurt, no??? Oh, what about the Weapon upgrade system? Welp, they actually made it… fun! In Area 2, you get this upgrade called the Energy Guard, which allows your Gun level to be protected if you take damage, but ONLY if you don’t take sequential damage, as that could bump you down a few tiers. And thus, the perfect balance of difficulty and forgiveness is met, as you still can’t play sloppily, even with it. It’s a solid addition, but hey, what if you’re old school and don’t like the more forgiving nature of the upgrade? Welp, you can always turn that shit off, and to be fair, it does make the game… a WHOLE lot easier, I won’t lie. But you aren’t punished, nor rewarded for playing with it, so I always keep it on. Save for one exception, but I’ll get to that later. But for the most part, they nailed Jason’s gameplay here. I truly think that this is the best that Jason has played in the, what? 4 sequels to Blaster Master? So that alone deserves some praise. So, that just leaves us with a few remaining elements to Blaster Master Zero.

When it comes to the level design of Zero I, it’s the only thing I can really hold over the game’s head. Is it bad? Hell no. It’s just that 2 out of the 9 areas are FUCKING DREADFUL. Okay, I love Zero I as much as the other two Zero games. But I absolutely DREAD Area 7 and 8. Yes, they’re THAT bad, and the reason why Zero I dropped from a low 9/10, to a high 8/10 for me. But it’s still a 10/10 in my heart. When it comes to Metroidvania design, Zero I excels in this regard, But Area 7 and 8? Hell no. This shit goes from Kirby to fucking Super Meat Boy’s Cotton Alley. And I’m not even exaggerating. I know people hate Zero I because it’s “too easy” or whatever. You know why I (lovingly) hate Zero I? These two zones, man. Area 7 and 8 are the Mega Man 9 Wily Stages of Blaster Master Zero. Yeah, I said it. Every mistake you make will pretty much lead to your tank’s demise. Get stunlocked to death because you’re trying to jump out of the stupid lava but then you get hit by the lava and again, oh yay, I’m back at the surface, oops I got hit again, hey, what killed me? If you’ve played Zero I, you know what’s up. Area 7 and 8 are rooted deep in frustrating game design that make them a chore to beat. Especially those rooms with the things that detect your tank that you aren’t low enough to the ground to shoot. So you have to hop into Jason mode to even try to fight them, oh wow, I’m taking a lot of damage, oh shit, I died. FUCK! The 2.5D sections make me want to request a Steam refund, too. Area 8 is a little less bad than Area 8, but yeah, it’s not good, either. But hey, at least the bosses in these areas are pretty sick. Area 7, especially. But, yeah. These final two zones are booty cheeks.

In Area 8, the final Area for most players, you get the epic face-off between the Mutant Lord and Team Sophia. It’s a solely Jason-only fight, but it’s really fun! This is where the weakness system really comes into clutch, as the second phase of the Mutant Lord will keep switching gun weaknesses. The first phase is whatever, but the second one is decently difficult. But after the Mutant Lord falls, Eve congratulates Jason on the victory, and the two head out for the surface, into the night sky. Everything is peaceful… until Eve has to leave to fulfill her purpose, as the mutant fighting machine that she is. It’s a bittersweet leave, as we see how much impact Jason had on Eve, but something isn’t right with Eve. When Jason says that he wants to reunite with Eve one day, she stays silent for a long time, implying that she might not make it back. Leaving Fred behind, she blasts off in Sophia III, leaving Jason alone to stare at the night sky. Thus, concluding Blaster Master Zero.

In a post-credits scene, Eve is shown… much more grotesque than usual, but near the end of her mission. She believes that, perhaps if they had more equipment, they might have succeeded, but she shrugs the idea off. The Mutant Core is a much greater threat than the Mutant Lord, and Eve aims to defeat the Core by detonating Sopia III, with herself in it to defeat the Core, as Sophia III lacked the power to fight the core alone. Forgiving Jason, she flips the self-destruction switch, with her success unknown. It’s such a disturbing note to end the game on. The graphic of Eve is enough to freak me out, but knowing that she may have not succeeded makes it even more ominous. Do you want that to be your reality? Most would probably say no. The rest hate happiness! The ending alone is unpleasant, but the “more equipment” line really gives you the final push for achieving the True Ending, as it hints at what you have to do in order to unlock the final Area. That’s right. You gotta 100% the game.


Blaster Master Zero doesn’t have much in the way when unlocking everything. You just have to get all Tank upgrades and Maps. While Blaster Master Zero has no fast travel, the areas are pretty focused, so backtracking isn’t too tedious. Hell, for the dedicated players, you might get all of the items on your first try. So, the True Ending path isn’t too grueling. Beat the Mutant Lord once again, and the ending plays out similarly. Eve thanks Jason, but this time, knocks him unconscious, with Eve leaving shortly after, crying, off to face the Mutant Core with the fully powered up Sophia III. Fearing Jason’s endangerment, she leaves him be, to take on the Core by herself. Jason wakes up shortly after, Sophia III and Eve nowhere to be seen. Fearing for Eve’s safety, Fred (remember him?) takes him towards Sophia Zero, hey, that’s the title of the game! The free Tank comes with a thousand-dollar message; “To our precious daughter: Please use this machine to protect them.” Signe- KANE AND JENNIFER GARDNER?????? God, Inti Creates, please marry me... For those who don’t know what a MetaFight is, Kane and Jennifer Gardner are the two protagonists of MetaFight. Hmmm... what the fuck is MetaFight? Oh, I don’t know, THE JAPANESE VERSION OF BLASTER MASTER? I LOVE anyone behind this video game series, I swear to god. Anyways, with no time to lose, and Sophia Zero in tow, Jaso- Errrr, technically, Fred blasts off once more to save Eve from her fate.

Area 9 has you play in aforementioned Sophia Zero, a souped up version of Sophia III, with all of the powers intact from the previous iteration. I’m serious. The bomb ability on this shit FUCKS, no jokes. Even with the first boss being Cerberus from Area 7, one of the harder bosses, it doesn’t even stand a chance against Sophia Zero! Only two bomb shots does it for him. No Acceleration Blast, nothing. It’s great. Meanwhile, the best song in the game just blasts in the background. Keep this shit coming, Inti Creates. Area 9 is like playing Vergil in Devil May Cry. It’s a victory lap, essentially. Not much else stands between you and Eve. Sure, you have the boss rush to cap things off, but nothing too daunting to face. And then you come across this... tank thing. It looks familiar, but I don- OH, COME ON INTI CREATES! Am I the only one who thought it looked like a dick? Genuinely. Okay, enough horsing around. It’s time to save Eve! INVEM Sophia, the corrupted Sophia tank, holds Eve hostage, as she’s powerless to stop the mutant influence on Sophia III. Not even Jason can phase the thing, and he drove that shit all game long. Before he knows it, the Tank begins to drive, and Jason books it, back to Sophia Zero he goes. Aw yeah, Tank Vs Tank! This fight is cool as hell. I like it when games make you fight against the abilities you acquired throughout the journey... which ones have done it? Uh, Blaster Master Zero, Blaster Master Zero III... uh... does Devil May Cry 4 count? Anyways, after enough damage to Invem Sophia, you have to rescue the now unconscious Eve from the dying Mutant Core, and then you get to wail on and destroy the Core once and for all. Eve, in her unconscious state, reminisces of her own rescue thanks to Jason, believing it to be a fallacy, before she awakes in front of Jason. Returning to the surface’s starry sky, Eve regains her consciousness, and sees the glorious Sophia Zero, alongside the message from her parents, Kane and Jennifer. Aw... Watching the sunrise with this beautiful landscape in front of them, Jason has a confession to make. What is this confession? Play Zero II to find out!

Blaster Master Zero, from the first time I played it’s demo on the 3DS in 2017, has really stuck with me. Has it gone down in my estimations? Yeah, maybe a little. But nonetheless, I still love it, like the other two Zero games. If this is truly the worst the series has to offer, an 8/10 game, then the other two must be PRETTY damn good. Perhaps one of them stands as one of my favorite games ever made... maybe. Ah, well. All of these games are amazing. I don’t know if I’ll have all of the reviews for Blaster Master Zero out by the time that the Steam Summer Sale ends, but PLEASE play Blaster Master Zero. It reminds me of why I love metroidvanias in general, and stands pretty high on the Metroidvania ranking that will... probably never see the light of day. But yeah, that’s all I have to say on Blaster Master Zero. A masterpiece, in my eyes.

Aaaand, another review done that isn’t Bayonetta Origins! When it comes to the zeusdeegoose bubble, a few things are going on now. First off, we’re nearing 200 followers on this site, and I wanted to thank everyone for their support, once again. It’s kind of crazy to me that we’ve gone from 50 followers, to 100, to nearly 200 in the span of like, 5 months. And one of the games that has undoubtedly helped in my growth is, ironically, Blaster Master Zero III! That review taught me that I actually have to try on Backloggd in order to get big, not be some B-grade Letterboxd user in order to succeed. As many of you know, I don’t hold zeusdeegoose in high regard, so how far I’ve come since is definitely a feat. I don’t have a big review planned for 200 followers, that is, unless I get to it before Zero III, but that remains to be seen. Hey, it can be in the voice of the people, so… ;). But other than that, I have one last announcement; I made a new Discord server! It was getting a bit crowded in the old one, so I decided to renovate it, and I can now say that it’s finally up. Here’s the invite; discord.gg/CUH3RSFSSB. It’s a tight-knit community, but one that can hopefully gain more activity in the future. And yes, before you oldies ask, I still have the [REDACTED] reviews still intact there. Feel free to read the unfinished series if you wish. So, that about wraps up what I wanted to say. I thank you all for your patronage once again, but that does it. June is finally here, schools out, happy Pride Month, go outside. Lord knows I’ll be doing anything but. Can you tell that I’m bad at conclusions?

This is actually my fourth run through Elden Ring, despite only being my second review. I have an RL5 run on indefinite hiatus after beating Malenia, which was my primary goal; and a low-level co-op gimmick run also on hiatus because my friend got busy with life stuff. So although this is the second time I've fully completed the game, I've spent hundreds of hours in its world between my last review and this one. I've also replayed other FromSoft games, shepherded friends through them as well, and generally refined my taste for the design sensibilities at play here.

The result of this is a change in my perspective that makes me view this game in a much more positive light. At this point, I think Elden Ring might be my second favorite FromSoft after Sekiro. It's got an ineffable kind of charisma to it, a confidence in its own terms of existence that's certainly also present in earlier games but appears in full flower here, that makes it intensely compelling even on replay after replay. It's colorful, not just in the literal sense of abandoning the drab palette of Dark Souls but in the broader sense of having so many different threads in constant interplay in terms of plot, faction, enemies, level design, and mechanics.

And the mechanics are so tight. That's the biggest lesson I took away from juxtaposing this so directly with its predecessors. Time after time I'd say "oh they have a really good solution for this in Elden Ring." The pouch, dual wielding, ashes of war, spirit summoning, effigies of the martyr, the stance mechanic—all of these are individually excellent, and having them all blossom in the same game is mind-blowing.

I do want to take a moment to circle back to the criticisms I leveled in my first review about the latter third of the game. I've warmed up substantially on the post-Leyndell areas—Mountaintops is actually pretty interesting other than Flame Peak, the initial blizzard crawl in Snowfield is really emotionally compelling, and the legacy dungeons Farum Azula and the Haligtree are complex and exciting (Mohgwyn a bit less so, but it's got the vibes). And the vast majority of the endgame bosses actually rip! Godskin Duo is a really cool puzzle, Maliketh is a classic balance of punishing phase 1 with high-spectacle low-difficulty phase 2, Godfrey really pushes the jump mechanic to its limits, Fire Giant is super intimidating but ultimately slow enough to be totally feasible. Elden Beast is still wholly indefensible and Gideon is a bit of a nothingburger, but for the most part the boss and level design is cool.

And then there's Malenia.

My feelings on Malenia at this point are complicated more than anything else. I've beaten her at level 5, I've beaten her without parries or summons, I understand her fight on a deep level and I love it in many ways. But fucking Waterfowl Dance, man. Even after sinking hundreds of attempts into her, I have never been able to survive it consistently at close range. Not with the light roll elongated slightly by a patch, not with the circling strategy, even Bloodhound Step only gets my survival rate up to about one in three. And I still consider this a flaw. I know more workarounds now—using frost pots to knock her out of the animation, using throwing knives to bait it out when she's far away—but none of those are consistent across a long phase 2. And it does break my heart a bit that the boss that would otherwise be my clear favorite has such a striking caveat. Nowhere in these games am I as interested in what was going through the developers' minds than Waterfowl Dance.

But the big difference is that this no longer capsizes my impression of the game as a whole. I'm happy enough to take my sideways outs against Malenia and appreciate the rest of the fight, and the rest of the endgame, for everything fantastic it brings. And I'm beyond excited for the DLC next month.