451 Reviews liked by Penumbra


In a 2013 GDC talk on the development of Dragon’s Dogma. The director Hideaki Itsuno wanted specific principles: “high degree of freedom, simple action, highly realistic.” With examples: Elder Scrolls Oblivion, Fallout 3, and Fable 2. Disclosing their units shipped and the same quality/s each possesses. These three aspects I'm quite fond of. With the first as numero uno what I look for. Freedom. Always. His “job was to convince internal members of Capcom that this is a challenge he wanted to take on. Similar games in this open world RPG genre didn't really exist in Japan. And they weren’t able to accurately forecast if the project would sell or the market potential.”

I couldn’t help but remember a comparable individual I look up to, Tetsuya Takahashi. The man behind the creation of the Xeno series along with his team and his wife Soraya Saga. In a 2015 Venturebeat interview he answered a question on what is the "biggest difference between Western and Japanese audiences, especially in terms of what they want from a role-playing game?” Takahashi said “What you’ll find quite often is that a lot of the markets outside of Japan are interested in games where you can do anything you want. They put a high priority on a great degree of freedom. In the Japanese market, it’s more common for people will demand a certain flow to the events in a game. We find that they’re more comfortable with a linear framework. We have our theories about why this might be.”

The comparison is relative due to the creators of their respective franchises aspiring to replicate near identical reception and appeal within their works. To differing results. Moving outside their comfort zone creating a fusion in a way. As much as I would revel in going off on Xenoblade Chronicles X, that’s a story for another time. Among the challenges and expectations, Itsuno is trying to match Skyrim’s massive reception with Dragon’s Dogma. An ambitious endeavor I appreciate as he remarks transparently in March 20, 2012. “At Capcom, we’ve made Dragon’s Dogma and come up to this point through our experience of action games. We’re trying to make a new genre: We’re using our action heritage and putting that into an action RPG.”

Emphasizing “changing action RPG to ACTION rpg.” Going for ambition is not inherently wrong. Great to have these goals to strive towards. As long as they stick the landing, journey and beginning. And I must say, after 3 playthroughs. One on normal, on hard mode, and finishing a speedrun whilst completing everything I can in postgame and the DLC on Bitterback isle of the Dark Arisen version, I firmly believe they succeeded in accomplishing all three qualities. However, despite my abundant enjoyment I did come across a sizable bulk of concerns I’ll discuss later in my mixed feelings. For now, I’ll discuss immediate sections I love.

Freedom is unrestricted. You can forget the main quest and go gallivanting off the beaten path and run towards any place on the map. Delving freely into dark dungeons, rocky caverns or forgotten ruins where a lantern is a must to combat the darkness. Filled with a plethora of variable attackers you won’t usually see copy-paste monsters on a budget. Harpies, undead skeletons, zombies, knights, mages, bandits, goblins, liches, ghosts, ogres, and etc. Even their variants are suitable. Clashing heavyweights against yours. Thus I can’t complain on the diverse enemy enriching every location you stumble in your wanderlust. Speaking of stumbling, you can upon completing a small bit of central plot early on set your fast travel points within reason. I didn’t like the approach since you receive a limited lot but ultimately came around to liking the unorthodox system. Helped by the fact the world didn’t feel too huge to traverse. Nor too meager to explore the sum of the whole caboodle within a short amount of time. Instead, the locales are filled with interesting locations. Multiple medium to large-scale dungeons displaying serviceable level design beyond linear corridors. Plenty of paths to tread both up and down. Breathtaking scenery during adventures. Bluemoon Tower made me feel as if I was transported in Rome’s Colosseum except fantasied. Ruined in decay where a single step can lead to certain death. Or embark on a long fog-filled forest where directions can prove futile for a newbie traveler. Yet for the experienced, hitting misty poles can unveil the true path. Mayhaps you will partake in a water temple? Which by the gods isn’t as arduous as other infamous water temples in games I’ve played. Link would breathe a sigh of relief here. Levers and switches to change the water level. Or for the speedy, they can excuse the routes and with careful jumping reach the end of the dungeon. Outside the danger is palpable with special zones where never-before-seen creatures lurk. Dangerous lichs and small drakes patrol. A functional day/night cycle capable of giving goosebumps if you decide to tackle the absence of sun with naught but your companions along. Hopefully, you brought ample oil flasks for your lantern. Cause oh boy does the night present dangerous adversaries not just in a greater supply of darker denizens but boss behemoths roaming the lands. Reminded me a bit of turning tail and running towards safety amid the nights in Dying Light. Seeing a chimera pop up near my location still gives me shivers…

Additionally changing vocations called classes and specializing in whatever playstyle you so choose is near-painless. Parallel to the weapon classes from Monster Hunter, but different. As you kill bounties of opponents and level up your vocation rank, unlock new skills and abilities. Allowed me to play as a mystic knight capable of dishing out spells while tanking with a shield and upon switching my staff in the menu. I return, bashing heads without remorse. Each class is satisfying with strengths and weaknesses. I honestly didn’t expect to fancy bow and arrows, and DD made me a fan of archery. What the heck man? I was a longtime Greatsword user.Heck, you can grab and climb any large creature during conflicts whenever. Hiroyuki Kobayashi, the producer said in an 2011 Siliconera interview. How DD’s grab mechanic in addition to “...the main character can go and do whatever he wants in this world, it gave birth to the idea that he’s fighting enemies and he should be able to fight them in any way that he wants and so we came up with the idea of the grabbing mechanic. He can climb on these enemies and fight them however he chooses.” A defining trait adding an essential option for players to tactfully embrace a closer savage quarrel against any terrifying freaks. Though the concept isn’t fresh, Shadow of the Colossus(SOTC) requires players to climb and weaken a colossus by striking their weak-spots. The influence I feel resonates still with characters conducting similar operations. If I am climbing a Cyclops then surely the eye is the weakness right?! Yes! Chimera for instance as an early boss functions in a comparable manner. Slay the snake tail, to make climbing safer. Hitting the goat head silences spells, then bashed the lion head to finish off the triple threat in a single body. Refreshing to play an open realm granting players simple mechanics and then shooing them off, if they decide not to embrace the major narrative at will.

For folks who don’t know the premise is simple and lightly intriguing. Within a small village called Cassardis you(after creating your protagonist) live a relatively normal life. Until one day. A BIG RED DRAGON starts scorching your fellow villagers on the nearby beach. Wreaking havoc. Heart pounding you decisively run out. Brandish a rusted sword and try to fight off the savage dragon. You can undoubtedly realize how such an encounter fared. Very poorly. We lose our life. But wait! We are alive? The dragon decides to steal our ‘heart’ literally. And some way, somehow we are alive as “Arisen” A human being whose destiny is tied to stopping the dragon. Welp, there goes my regular routine. I already had plans for. Although facing the dragon is the least of our concerns, immediately you are bombarded with new main and side quests to undertake at your leisure. And it is here where the realistic portion emerges.

Highly realistic is accurate. For better or worse, everything operates and contributes to the unique presentation. Resembling real life, a black market exists for counterfeiting necessities. Try saving key special quest items instead of returning them to the owner. Giving them a pale counterpart. The outcome may raise eyebrows. Moving on, all items have weight. Healing, tools and materials are not spared. Gathering materials takes time. Thankfully not too slow and not too fast. I mentioned the grab mechanic earlier, but just as you are provided the ability to climb onto giants, so too do they have the innate ability to pin you down in their grasp! Best to keep on the move Arisen! Lest you fall into their hands! Stamina(ST) is your lifeline. Every weapon ability used will deplete a small portion of your gauge. Sprinting slowly depletes it. Running then jumping can induce a noticeable chunk gone. Don’t forget grabbing is affected. And behind a hidden blindspot. Your height and weight matter too. Being a figure with low density grants the highest stamina regen and the lowest encumbrance(Volume you can carry). Attaining a higher amount of body load causes you to restore a bit slower, on the offset causes you to be granted extra capacity for ST and encumbrance. Here is a chart for reference. Height also plays a key role. Being of a minimal stature allows entrance upon tiny openings and perhaps smaller hitboxes. Whereas a tall guy cannot enter limited spaces. Will have the inverse effect of hitboxes. Forget plans to go underneath a Cyclops as a six footer fella. If you thought that was the term of the realistic portion. Think again. Encumbrance affects all the above. Here is another chart for reference. Depending on how your current carry load. From ultra light to over-encumbered. Parameters in values will alter jogging & running speed, recovery time, climbing, carrying, grapple, and running. Naked for instance will have little to no penalty. Can grapple giants for the longest, run for an extended period along with moving at the fastest speed. Compared to a heavy individual. Oh man, you’ll be as slow as molasses. Not to that extent, but a noticeable degree changes with whatever you do. Finding yourself out of breath easily. Constantly recharging your gauge and good lord don’t get me started on the inability to pick up items except for several exceptions. Not strictly a requirement to understand these mechanics as you assemble your character and comrade. To the surface-level player, but to those who love knowing every itty bitty detail, they prove their tonnage in gold. Attention to detail in weight, height, ST and encumbrance demonstrates a philosophy that is neither half-baked nor too overly complicated. Functions as a well-oiled cog with alternative core features the developers are trying to convey. Such as a satisfying fight loop.

Action albeit simplified achieves hallmark makings of a gratifying beast slaying loop. Imagine facing a near insurmountable boss only to win succeeding ‘x’ or ‘xx’ amount of tries. Hmm, I’m reminded of Hidetaka Miyazaki’s Soul series. Good. That works. Broadening your horizons then, input a hardy challenger with a health bar and conjure the memory of facing a troublesome 2+ health bar encounter. That too is acceptable. Finally, remember how Monster Hunter immersified you to hunt, check for clues then melee and perhaps trail a weakened creature? Well, erase the busy work and focus on the bout. Hit any usable abilities with the smash of a button. 3 or six depending on the class provided. Sure it uses stamina, but the expense is negligible unless spammed. An immediate gratification than a delayed response. A real-time shift to having the ideal battles in Dragon’s Dogma. Except missing a couple major details. You. Are. Not. Alone. Pawns are lifelong companions. A main pawn is always at your side. With two spares you can summon in through an online feature. Connecting online accommodates your world a random assortment of online pawns. No need returning to base and recruit, simply talking with them and as long as they meet your current level. A free no cost sign-up to your party begins. Thus, clashes against adversaries transform regular duels into a group brawl. Facing a horde of goblins never got old by channeling my inner Goblin Slayer party. A towering cyclops becomes inadvertently a fantasy AT-AT skirmish to bring them down. Here’s a hint. Focus on the legs! Encountering a drake in the wilds is a flee-on-sight order early on. Impossible to finish a coup de grace as a greenhorn adventurer. Though, you are welcome to try. The outcome is less PTSD inducing trying to sneak by a Xenoblade Rotbart. Death awaits…

Nevertheless, vocations are powerful when used effectively. Applies, to companions too. Having a standard tank, healer, archer, and a mage. Deja vu DND party? A nice callback to Western party composition. Of which has never failed me yet. A tank as a fighter and warrior offers the classic sword and shield capable of taunting foolish dumb dumbs. Embracing the greatsword yields high damage at the expense of losing blockability. Archers employed as striders are quick dual daggers with flashy moves and evasion skills to support both in and outside of combat. Ranger provides an extended longbow specialization capable of sniping from long distances. Attaining greater firepower. Supplemented by a decent dagger skillset. Mages offer a wealth of healing and buffing parties with elemental enchantments. Having a dagger imbued with either fire, ice, electric, holy, or dark offers an extra modifier damaging susceptible opposition with a weakness towards certain aspects. The sorcerer class trades healing with an increased arsenal for magickal power. Those who know Konosuba's Megumin* blasting everyone to smithereens illustrating a magical nuke. Can render analogous results with a hurricane. If not satisfied, summon a meteor from the skies, Ice spikes, or seismic ground spells, yeeting hostiles to kingdom come. There’s a reason why I didn’t use the magickal jobs a lot. Matches end quicker once I finish casting. And I prefer not one-shotting everything hehe. Before I forget, three hybrid vocations exist solely for the player. Mystic knight, magick archer, and the assassin. By far I enjoyed these plenty than regular jobs due to the fact they can use further than two weapons. Mixes classes, thereby offering distinct move sets and abilities. Launch magickal arrows raining from above, use spells as a tank whilst hiding behind a shield, or gouge enemies biting deeper and causing severe blows when mounted. Are a miniscule taste of what they offer. Don’t be me who spent twenty hours as a warrior slamming my greatsword deep into mons. Viscerally pleasant. Even supposing I had the foresight to experiment. So go off my friends! Trial and error with whichever job you fancy.

As an addendum to the combat above the realism meshes well enough during bloody encounters. Low health causes the screen to die in red and slight screen shakes will occur. Buffs can benefit you in the tides of clashing steel, but so too do debuffs, classified as debilitation's from the other side may prove detrimental. Blind for instance will blind your screen. Almost literally except for a very limited view. Petrification will turn you into stone sooner or later. Torpor plays out as if the player is in a slow-mo. Super cool to see at first glance. But dread and despair abruptly emerge. I could add extra into the next 16 debuffs. But I’m trying not to scare you… Notwithstanding these harsh conditions, there is a respectable measure of curatives restoring to normal statuses so thou-shalt-not fear them too much. You can at least spam them to your liking without an animation. So Skyrim spamming HP foods restores health after a near defeat is both humorous and a valid strategy. Reminds me of the Tales series because I'm properly making use of my inventory management instead of hoarding. I'm eating grass plants, raw meat, and questionable rotting meals if I have no choice… Oh boy no wonder why I have horrible indigestion and poison… I won’t say the reason why...Ugh.

The addendum is vital because in peeling a layer, a fresh coat arises next. In learning and understanding these miniature details do we embrace and take advantage of the rules connected and presented. I’m reminded of Masahiro Sakurai. Talking about his Eight Hit Stop Techniques Video. For those unaware he first educates the viewer by asserting “'Hit stop' is an effect added just as an attack hits its target. Both you and your opponent stop for a brief moment." Fighting games apply the method among plenty of auxiliaries outside the genre, but I want to direct your attention to a technique. On point five - Control the amount of hit stop. I’m paraphrasing but he displays a sword’s tip that deploys higher damage than merely slashing. Creating a multiplier effect. DDDA has something similar, performing buffs to maximize attacks given and while not the same as Sakura with the sword tip. The placement of weapon attacks is crucial. Hitting a weak spot on a cyclops' eye presents far better devastation than hitting steel plates adorning their feet. Bouncing your weapons off. Deadly monstrosities present separate qualities to take advantage of their weaknesses. I won’t declare any more to spoil the surprise, though keep an eye out for possible body vulnerability. A few may not be as clear-cut as the above example, but in the course of conflicts, pawns can learn strategies to call out. “Wolves hunt in packs.” “Tis weak to fire!” Or “Strike from the rear!” Improving as you do. Making ventures into the unknown is not so daunting. Creating opportunities midst facets of combat that in turn grasp both parties on strengths and weaknesses. Resulting in an easy curve to comprehend. Oh undead weak to holy? Quickly enchant my weaponry in holy magic! Blast I'm being possessed? Guess I'll pray for my ally to friendly fire me gently. For fellow Arisen struggling with AI behavior there is an overlooked characteristic in determining inclinations. I didn’t constantly re-tool inclinations and inputted a sort of aggressive stance during clashes. One and done setting their parameters. Think of it slightly like gambits from FFXII. Determining what they should prioritize when facing enemies. Defending, healing, focusing on spell-casters, adventurous etc. Not complicated at all and I found to my gratification their Artificial intelligence surprising at times to slap me from a possession, heal me when I need it, or taunt foes while I recover. I recommend re-configuring a pawn’s priorities when you see a nearby knowledge chairs in Inns if you’re unsatisfied with what they’re doing.

Additionally, Sakurai posits the pinnacle of hit-stop techniques. By keeping the attacker moving slightly during the hitstop. DDDA operates in the same vein at landing a blow on an enemy. Even launching them into the air works super effectively. Man, I thought there were no supplementary hidden features. You wish! A knockback rule exists! I won’t go into the finer details, but suffice it to say you can stun an enemy by delivering a threshold of damage. Staggering blows into dazed status. Each enemy has different thresholds. Not earth-shattering, but players from Smash,min-maxers, or fellows who enjoys reading the closer details. Proves an invaluable mechanic. Why should I endure a long battle whereas I could blast the creature off a cliff? A flying griffin for instance who loves employing guerilla warfare can’t do anything once tethered onto sweet dirty ground. And if so inclined, may use dastardly tactics to grind a deathly foe later on. Furthermore, The motion of following through with attacks remains intact. Wonderful smacking foolish opponents daring for a challenge. Resulting in throwing attackers into the sky or yourself. And despite a lack of playing DMC games from Itsuno’s library(I’ll get there trust me) I will confess I felt Monster Hunter DNA at times. The feeling of every physical melee weapon impacting on a mon’s flesh is visceral and resorts back to the hit-stop. In searching for validation I dug deeper into the team’s qualifications and found despite a lot of heavy hitters from the DMC4. There is a decent chunk of old veterans. You can see a full list here from MobyGames.. Figures like as Minae Matsukawa, Kento Kinoshita, Programming lead - Yoshiharu Nakao all have experience from the franchise. So it is not a stretch to declare DD has a lot of combat expertise in the action department. A respectable load of history bleeds beyond the monster IP and forges a sort of culmination so to speak of their past practices. If that’s not enough, compare the two cover art and see striking resemblances. It’s no wonder why I had comforting familiarity with its systems in place and not-clunky responses working adequately on my controller. The fact there is no innate lock-on button speaks volumes in conveying a move harkening key positioning. Strats over stats or vice-versa is a viable method. Learning the ins and outs of brute patterns, dodging if needed, and persevering in spite of a tough, challenging harsh world that can eat you up. As a consequence the clunkiness and jank were nonexistent. Therefore, the fun loop in engagements felt ruggedly smooth. Leaving out conniptions. And followed up by "Try and beat me!"

Moreover, Majority of quests excel in rising above the average of mundane. Close in regards to boring me due to how the design usually offers a fetch, extermination. But digging deeper by talking to various NPCs, investigating for clues, escorting helpless innocents, following suspicious individuals, and by far ones that raised my eyebrows were chained side quests which act as further development arcs of NPCs. These missions flesh out the remaining cast further, don’t expect full nuance ala CD projekt RED quality. Within these hidden assignments emerge uncommon cutscenes for the side-cast, once their character arcs reach their cusp. Giving precious glimpses into the lives of the folks asking for Arisen's services. Not extraordinary, filled with the most amazing must-play ever. But also not being boring to the gills. If you ever wanted to know their background then embrace their inquiries without complaint. I found to my amusement notable ones. I'll share vague memoirs. I assisted a traveling merchant who wanted to know what happened to his father, while infuriating because of the number of requests early on. I quickly forgave him when I learned the reasoning. To my amazement, I chanced a weird meeting with a naive fool whose wanderlust knows no bounds. Often leaving him in dire straits of remarkably horrible stamina. An irony not lost on me. Gathering healing curatives was less of a task than above and by the boundary of his errands, I found a relatable dude who took his hardships by heart and appreciated my efforts to aid him. In contrast to the people I said earlier, I came across a flirtatious gal who swindled me for money. Forgive me for I was besotted by her charms and foolishly gave her a decent chunk of my purse. Thinking perhaps she’ll repay me cash someday. Wrong. I got played like a damn fiddle. Turning my heart darker. Lightening once I saw her in trouble later on, I could not leave her alone. And to my shame, I became a white knight to save her again. The lesson I learned thereafter is to never be infatuated by the charms and beauty. I was foolish. But continued in the pursuit of lore I found to my delight a worthy sidequest of my time that granted me further insight into the lands of Gransys. Not lore shattering, but close. I won’t mention anything concrete, but I live for these conclusions despite the almost mundane design. I would claim they’re worth it if you relish learning deeper the days of yore and its hearty and duplicitous denizens. For those looking to tie a deeper love. You can gift presents to vital NPCs. Ah very realistic the developers are striving towards.

Need a break from the RPG nature? Partake in platforming. Where you have to reach the highest point of a building, structure, or ruin to take a medallion. Employ the environment. Didn’t expect platforming, but hey it's pretty refreshing. And this is tucked away in noticeboard operations. 50 of them are available. A good friend of mine mentioned they lead you to secret spots. Hell the starting area after creating your character has one! A cool benefit of learning precise maneuvers on wall structures/spaces. Never hurts to check your surroundings, my dude!

The story itself I initially perceived to be a nothing burger for about ??% of the way. However, the remaining ??% due to lore bombs and recontextualization of the narrative because of the lore-dropping revelations opened my eyes beyond a basic story into clever territory. Make no mistake, this doesn’t mean the plot elevated and demolished my initial impressions. Instead, I think I’m on board with what the writers were trying to achieve, and it's a concept I don’t see often in JRPGs except my favorites. Delving not too simple and not too complex which is bonus credit for me. But in terms of impact? I find it acceptable, but incapable of mesmerizing me to the terminus. A clean “Oh you clever dastard” for lack of a specific conclusion. If viewed alongside the whole shebang, I believe it is appropriate judging about the overall thematic messaging. And for that, I respect, admire and praise it in the confines of which it struggles to desperately convey to the masses. To fluctuating outcomes.

Despite, the praise I said above. I must confess to a host of mixed feelings. Concerns I had amid my playthroughs, I feel are worth noting to varying degrees that are neither positive nor negative.

First, I realize certain systems and mechanics are too realistic for my blood. This isn’t laziness. I’m tolerant of many things and if I wasn’t I wouldn’t have played three reruns. Be that as it may. I still feel the beginning hours can be something of a hurdle to unfamiliar folks unused to the style of play. Can take a while to reach a constant cycle of enjoyment in lieu of a delayed gratification. A few assorted examples that will trickle below on numerous fragments. I don't appreciate having a limit placed on me regarding weight. I revel collecting anything in my sight. So the constrained encumbrance based on character creation is debilitating in maintaining a constant fun flow. Perhaps doubling or tripling the maximum supply would be an acceptable softer blow. I recognize this is a balanced measure to not spam healing items amid combat. Regardless, I can make my Pawns into mules carrying rations and whatnot. Also, I abhor the stamina system over sprints, when no enemies are nearby. I believe my limiter should drain exclusively in the nearby vicinity of adversaries. No malicious entities close by? No depleting. So I can freely sprint to my destination without frustration. Thereby, respecting the player’s focus and investment. The forceful nature of realism is apparent anytime I'm out roaming. Yet entering a city/town, I can jog to my heart's content.

Second. The focus to limit fast travel points via port crystals in a limited volume feels constricting. inside, you cannot teleport regularly like in other rpgs. A simple click on a town/city and voila “I'm there” is not the same. You have to set a handful of crystals(by completing the prime quests in an NG playthrough(NG being a new game) to place on any overworld spot, not a town or dungeon. Then you gain the power to transport there with a ferrystone. The Dark Arisen version comes equipped with an eternal ferry stone to acquiesce unlimited travel back to places. Very weird. know I've come around on the concept earlier, yet I cannot help but remark the NG+ implementation of buying another crystal feels like the right approach. Extras cannot be available for purchase until reaching NG+ With previously set crystals already shown on the map ready to be teleported at your leisure. Makes backtracking to old areas somewhat of a pain to trek repeatedly. Wonder if the sequel changes things up and adjusts normal travel if they already discovered the location. Rather than setting their own. But the underlying problem arises just as I am forced revisiting former whereabouts where I don’t have a teleportation ready. Perhaps an alternative was to balance the components by discovering locales, and therefore freely travel excluding the requirement of a crystalline item.

Third - Failable & Missable quests. Mostly concerning the side-content. Imperative to note, changing several quests in the menu. Can fail certain operations outright. I remember a particular instance of escorting a fella only to switch to separate assignment real quick to complete as well. Failing the assignment. I was shocked. My entire work and I must revert to my old save file or checkpoint. Not a major deal since I activated it like a madlad. But DD operates on a single file. Thereby, I cannot pull from a list a quick load easy peasy. You get 1 solo file and a checkpoint. The latter is akin to a hard autosave. And activates as you sleep among divergent matters. Ergo if you’re screwed by the 1st option a 2nd exists. The alternative choice is reverting to the checkpoint. A weird implementation system feels again restrictive in freely managing their save options. Resorting to a strict implementation of accepting the consequences. Reminds me of the Souls series where a similar loadout occurs. Nevertheless, necessary to keep in mind. On missables. Keeping in mind your employer’s deadlines is advisable since the whole title operates under a day/night cycle with every important NPC patrolling a different route. And so you will need to remember where they're previously. Admittedly I didn’t have much trouble finding them since almost always there is a marker on the map/mini-map to lead you to the corresponding location. Plus they can fail if you don’t finish them quickly. Let’s say, you decide tackling the side content from NPCs just before the final boss. Welp, you missed out on nearly checking all boxes they have to offer. Most of them must be finished as you progress through the leading narrative. If there is a big pet peeve I have is that unknown to my knowledge missables may be incurred. Hence why I decided to casually refer to a guide to not miss any of them. Brumbek’s Steam’s guide was immensely helpful in solving an ungroovy dilemma. And of course the Before I play section too.

Fourth - Miscellaneous areas such as the expansion's secret augments should’ve been an extra free section to equip in place of having to override your set augments already. Aside from abilities, you can equip more than five augments. Acting as passives, these to a certain degree substantially add effective modifiers to gameplay. Extra carry heft. Extra damage, reduction of a blow upon your life, etc. Each job upholds special properties to procure with discipline points. The expansions make it so you would have to replace them if you find them worthy of your attention. Several, I found extremely lacking. Gathering faster? Ballista ammo reloading faster? These in my mind should’ve been freely equippable without replacing old skills. Perhaps in a separate section. I haven’t seen the entirety, but looking at the list I would claim a decent chunk are not important than others. Plus the post-game area needs further diverse environments than copy-pasting several variants together and re-using few bosses. Make it truly unique. No half-measures. The expansion at the least did a full-blown dungeon crawler area complete with original foes to combat and traps to escape from. The process of gifting, could've been enhanced rather of on NPC's. Have the player romance our main pawn please. I conceived this would be a natural way to induce a pure love than seeing a human on the street, you meet one day to become your beloved before end credits rolled. Call me a romantic, but friendships forged by fire together are super satisfying as my best buddy likes to disclose mhm. Lastly, I firmly believe changing abilities while on the field than having to resort to a friendly neighborhood is less burdensome. Wherefore I am endowed with alternating cool powers to try. I loathe retreating to a town/city just to change my job and set current skills repeatedly. These are added busywork and do little respecting a player's time. I dearly wish a loadout is readily available, so I don't always have to reapply my normal gear every occasion I change vocations. Why must I become naked anew… I’m not asking for auto-changing jobs midway through skirmishes, that would be extremely silly. Merely asking for tweaks in minor quality-of-life suggestions. For instance, Baffling having three ability slots for warrior in spite of distinct jobs having no trouble slotting six. I'm not carrying a shield man!

Despite the mixed concerns. These issues can vary greatly from person to person. As of now, they didn’t impact my overall experience severely, but if you had randomly bumped into me years prior in 2015. Playing the PS3 version. I would quickly comment "I fell off hard" and subsequently again over several years across different platforms before I decided enough was enough to click with many things. Then my initial past impressions would not be as kind as I am now. It's why I think anyone who concluded poorly of the game is without a doubt true. Everything can be perceived as mundane, busywork, tiring, troubling, lacking for the sake of realism. Perhaps buckling under the pressure of its ambitions. Not connecting with the player sufficiently to invest farther into Gransys and what they offer. And I firmly believe that’s fair and valid. Because that’s what I thought of it before. On the other hand, there’s a special oomph underlying the working limitations and minor laws in play uplifting, transforming into a greater than the sum of its parts. Critically understanding interconnected features in place. Emerges a particular identity. A Japanese open-world ACTION rpg styled in the likeness of a Western RPG, but with the "Hiyah!" DNA of Capcom’s legacy is a sight to behold. And while I am not as versed as I am in Capcom’s library, isn't the game the first bold showing of a true open-world RPG at least from the corporation in 2012? I was checking the company’s past titles and I saw Okami and Monster Hunter titles released prior. But the former isn’t a true RPG as far as I am aware and the latter had segmented zones, not seamless. Tying back to what Itsuno said earlier of similar games not existing in Japan. In such a way Dragon’s Dogma is akin to a blueprint inspired by Skyrim. A WRPG made by JRPGs developers.

At the end of the day, this is the first title I've played directed by Hideaki Itsuno with his team, and holy moly does this man cook blazing fire! Very ambitious plan splicing Western RPG ideas with a considerable degree of freedom and Capcom's long standing history has most certainly paid off. A new IP since launching in 2012 has sold 8.4 million units as of December, 2023. Boasts a humongous market of consumers vying for this type of medium. Of course it didn't reach Skyrim's far reaching sales records, but for a New IP it is a worthy achievement. And one I can only say exceedingly rare that I replay again and again. My last memory was Final Fantasy XVI and Shadow of the Colossus. Thus it comes as no surprise that I enjoy to the fullest extent what is offered here. A tough, brutally challenging low fantasy medieval adventure handling the reins of a plain yet straightforward action formula. A pawn system never fails to leave me alone even in the darkest of days. Nakama power at its peak. Allowing a party to venture without restraint into dangerous areas. Accepting the consequences of my activities due to the sheer freedom given. Wrestling with the unique ideas offered unorthodoxly yet refined presents a hell of an ordeal. For better or worse the realism can destroy the immersiveness and fun, but for those who stick through thick and thin. I believe there is something quite special in store for you. And in my case. The light premise, in the beginning, invigorated me to face my ultimate opponent at the end of the primary story, post-game and expansion. And I was left not disappointed. Rather grinning from ear to ear at one of the finest battles and experiences I've determined from my multiple adventures for a JRPG. Move over Monster Hunter. I became a Dragon Slayer.

9/10

References & Additional Material:
2013 GDC talk on Dragon’s Dogma development
2015 XCX Director Interview
2012 Itsuno and Skyrim
2011 Siliconera interview
Credits of Dragons Dogma

Systems & Mechanics:
19 Debilitations Overview
Encumbrance Overview
Augments Overview
Weight Overview
Pawn Inclinations

Helpful links:
Brumbek’s Missable Quests Guide
Before I play

Kojima's games are proof that even in the triple A sphere video games can be art. That said, Death Stranding was rough for me, the gameplay was definitely not to my taste,, eventually forcing me to quit after 8 hours of play and watch the rest of the cutscenes on youtube - But I found the sci-fi world and concept as well as the story itself to be pretty good.

Having now actually played two Kojima games (namely MGS1 & 2) I could easily recognize the Kojimaisms. Characters talking like they never communicated with a human being before, really in-depth backstories for the characters, whacky humor, heady sci-fi concepts and of course the occassional fourth-wall break. I kinda liked it better here than in the two MGS games I played, maybe because the whole concepts of the afterlife, beaches and the general more surrealist and slightly horror related imagery making it less realistic (despite the effort of stuff like motion capturing and keeping the likeness of famous actors) and consequently more cohesive as a whole.

I still feel weird about Kojima's never-ending boner about the USA, but here I felt the criticism more clearly than in MGS2 especially in the commentary on Trump's slogan "make america great again" through Bridges' slogan "make america whole again". A lot of characters obviously comment about how america has always been a lie and never a union of free people or anything of the like, but overall the sci-fi concepts of life and death blending into each other and the discussions of beaches as ideologies and personal world views again took a precedent over any material analysis of how the USA is just not a great place to live in especially as as a worker, poc, indigenous or queer person or any mixture of these.

What I'm mostly not in line with however is the gameplay. If I was being reductive and mean about it, I would just call it an endless series of fetch quest, making you track endlessly across an open-world. But it's kinda more than that. The walking mechanic and you having to watch you every step and really think about not loosing your cargo is kinda neat, I guess, but definitely not my cup of tea. For me it felt a bit like the game was resisting to be played, making every track across for the deliveries feel like ardous work (On two play session I actually felt like I had just finished a tough day at work and just lay there trying to recuperate from that alone). I have felt this way before when I played games like Shadow of the Colossus or Ico, though this game's system are definitely better thought out than the aforementioned games. In short: clunky controls wasn't the point here, but just the challenge itself was really grating for me.

All this made me think about video games as an artform and how inaccessible they can be. Like a movie you just need to watch, of course being familiar with tropes, stroytelling and understanding what a cut is supposed signify will help, but you will get around this quickly and if you have watched over 400 movies, you might still find one you can't wrap your head around, but you will still be able to engage with. The same goes for books, of course reading a romance novel has different conventions from reading a high fantasy novel, but it's not as high a wall to climb to get over these differences, if you have read a lot of stories. But with video games? I've played over 400 of these and I couldn't really play Death Stranding properly. The interactivity of video games really is a the strong point of the medium, but it can also be its weakness. You might be really into a concept for the narrative or world, but if you just can't deal with the gameplay, then you're just fucked. (Yeah, I tried playing around with difficulties, I still couldn't enjoy it. And yeah, that makes me sad too, which is why I'm writing this in the first place).

I don't really have a solution for this problem, other than implementing maybe more accessibility features like Celeste did, even if that means that a player could theoretically bypass all of your mechanics if they really wanted to. Maybe someone will come around and have a better idea someday.

P.S.: This is the first time I really liked the cast of a Kojima game. Deadman is a comic relief character for a lot of moments, but he's great. Cliff was really cool and I was actually kinda tocuhed by the backstories of Mama and Heartman. Higgs was also an incredibly entertaining antagonist. Ironically, the only character I found to be a bit bland was...Sam. But well, shit happens.

Tunic

2022

So I needed something to cleanse the palate after 100,000 hands of Balatro and this did the trick nicely. Beat the game in 10 hours-ish and now going back to find all manual pages.

Stuff I really liked: The manual of course. Its so goddam cute, and a nice way to give hints and maps to the player. The music is superb, with some absolutely gorgeous tracks (between this and Cocoon, we're in a great era for indie soundtracks). I like how it rewards the player for exploring every inch of the maps, as secret rooms are often out of sight and obscured.

Stuff that was ok: graphics are nice, but not jaw dropping. Combat is basically Dark Souls-Lite, you got attack, dodge and then items and magic to use. Pretty basic, but serviceable. The game is pretty hard, and you will get more than a few very cheap deaths because the combat is not refined enough, and also the camera is too pulled back for really precise combat. Level design is ok, and the way the maps all connect is cool (and once again very Souls).

Stuff that got old, fast: cheap combat deaths, annoying enemies. Bosses are pretty hard, but mostly because of how spongy they are and how easy it is to get hit because of the imprecise controls and camera not being close enough to the action. Backtracking and not knowing where to go next. The manual gives you just enough hints, but man there is so much random wandering around and backtracking through areas, over and over again. Constantly pulling up the manual to check the maps to see where to go, just to get to the fast travel nexus area, to get to another area, just on the off chance there is some treasure or some room that wasn't accessible the first time through, but now with new abilities might be.....yeah that aspect of the game is tedious and boring.

With its Zelda inspired aesthetic and Dark Souls mechanics, this was a lot of fun. I like how getting the manual pages are so important, because without them you are basically wandering blindly through this world. Cute graphics, great music. Really good game, and with a few tweaks could have been a classic.

Edit: an extra 5 or so hours to get the Plat. The puzzles you need to decipher to get the secret treasures and fairies, not to mention getting all the manual pages and opening that friggin' mountain door tho.....ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS. Took me about 5 hours using online guides, without those it would have been about 50 hours, if I could have done it at all. Really obscure crazy "how the fuck did anyone work this out?" kind of logic. That input to open the mountain door is just bananas on its own. I kinda respect it, but at the same time, I don't wanna have to use guides to work this shit out. If anyone got the Plat without using a guide or getting any help, I call bullshit.

Fun platformer and a solid remake.
Minus a few bosses where it gets a bit stupid and you get hit like nothing. All the minigames with the mazes are super fun and the ost is catchy too.

"Just focus on tying up all your loose ends - then you and I are leaving this city once and for all." ~ Judy Álvarez

For many, Cyberpunk 2077 will always be remembered as the game with arguably the worst launch next to No Man's Sky. It was a bugfest and the console experience was so bad that refunds were provided from the developers themselves. But I'm not here to talk about the launch - instead I would like to share my personal experience after ~100 hours of playing and getting all available endings, entirely in patch 2.1 and right off the bat with Phantom Liberty (which I reviewed already).

Cyberpunk really shines in terms of presentation. The vibes are incredible, Night City nails the feeling of a dystopian and futuristic metropolis perfectly. You know, flashy neon lights and advertisements are plastered all over the city and the streets are always busy. Another thing that really helps the immersion here is the lighting. An often overlooked aspect, but it's probably the best ambient lighting I've ever seen in a game alongside Red Dead Redemption 2. Do yourself a favor and cruise through Night City on a rainy night, you'll see what I'm talking about. By the way, this is without Raytracing. RTX enabled is a whole different beast, but I didn't keep it on for long, because it was taking a serious toll on my frames and I'm a person who likes to enjoy games with a smooth framerate over graphical fidelity all day.

The main story is solid, albeit not very long. You could probably finish it under 20 hours in total if you're beelining the main quests and ignore the side content. Despite the short runtime, you'll find yourself in a lot of cool setpieces and get acquainted to many great characters, each with their own individual questline. I would definitely recommend playing those quests, since they're a lot more personal than the overarching narrative and really help understanding the struggles and personalities of V's friends better. Speaking of those friends, I think the fluff text messages you get every now and then are a great feature. Makes the world feel more alive and it's always nice to see characters being relevant outside of their own contained substories. Romance is also a neat little mechanic - I really like how CDPR provides extra text messages for your partner, so they ask about V's life every now and then. There's an unique quest where you can also hang out with them at your apartment and talk about stuff, this is repeatable, but unfortunately the dialogue repeats after the first time. Just use your imagination here and you're golden.

Cyberpunk's side content is mainly divided into two different mission types - gigs and side jobs. Gigs are one-time missions where you do a quick job for a fixer of choice, like breaking into an apartment to retrieve some data for a client. How you handle those missions is entirely up to you (unless there's an optional objective you'd like to complete), so you could opt for a stealthy approach or just shoot your way through the enemies. Combat in general is very diverse, you can have Mantis Blade implants inside your arms or blind enemies with hacks - there are so many possible builds. I went with a Netrunner/Gunslinger build, since not many games offer you the opportunity to weaken your opponents by just hacking them! And pistols just feel like the most comfy ranged option to me - a silenced one for stealth and another unsilenced one for loud combat. If you're still unsure on a build, I'd recommend testing some of the iconic weapons (basically the "legendary" weapons of this game), since they come with unique perks. There's a lot of them, so I'm sure some of them will appeal to you. Now, I didn't go in detail about the side jobs, but that's because they're more narrative-driven quests. Some of them feel like the Stranger quests in RDR2, while others have more complex tales to tell. So basically they are a great pastime if you're looking for more worldbuilding in Night City.

If you found yourself asking the whole time "But what about the bugs?", while reading this, then I'll gladly answer that for you. In my 97 hours of playtime I only had a single crash happen (right before writing this review ironically), but since the game autosaves often enough, it was a loss of like 3 minutes only. I haven't encountered a single game-breaking bug, just some small immersion-breakers every now and then, alongside two "real" bugs. This includes various items clipping into the hands of NPCs when they were supposed to put them away and NPCs in general teleporting on rooftops where they aren't supposed to be. The "real" bugs were my V glitching through a wall after a character crashed my car into that wall in a scripted cutscene (had to reload my save) and I've also had enemies walk through a closed garage door once - but that one was rather funny, despite being unfair. There's another problem I'd like to address, but I'm not entirely sure if it's a bug, so I'm not going to label it as one. It's related to quests starting through calls of certain characters. The game explicitly tells you "Wait a day until this character calls you back." and then sometime they just don't call at all, despite 24 hours having passed in-game. Worst offender was when I tried to start the follow-up mission to the companion mission "Off the Leash", the quest giver was supposed to call after one in-game day but it took me two real-time hours (after several virtual days passed already) for that character to call. For your own sanity I recommend doing other gigs or side jobs inbetween, because I'm very sure the calls will come on time if you don't just try to exploit the waiting feature to skip to those quests instantly. Try to let it play out naturally.

Are you a fan of the Edgerunners anime? Well, good news for you! The world of Cyberpunk 2077 also includes small nods to the series, like the graves of the deceased characters at the cemetery. There's also a side job where you can get David's iconic jacket and you can find Rebecca's famous shotgun out in the world too (if you remember the spot she left it in the anime).

The final point I'd like to address in this review is the soundtrack. (Yeah, there are other songs besides I Really Want To Stay At Your House.) While the OST in The Witcher 3 had a calmer, more comforting vibe, Cyberpunk's music fits the high octane combat accordingly, but some of the best tracks come from the sad and serious moments in the game. For car rides, the different radio stations allow you to listen to your music genre of choice. Speaking of the cars, I find it a lot more satisfying to drive to quest locations than to just quick travel there (which I regrettably did a lot in like the first 20 hours of my playthrough). It's just a lot more immersive and driving feels great if you have a car you like. (My personal favorite ride is the Outlaw, great speed and handles well.)

I have talked a lot about this game now. That's because I love it. So if you would ask me if Cyberpunk is worth it, I would definitely recommend you to pick up the base game on sale sometime and go for Phantom Liberty if you want to spend more time in this fantastic world. It's pretty much in a fixed state now and if what I described in this review seems interesting to you, why not give it a go? There were very few moments where I was actually bored, even the beginning is great and brings you pretty fast into the action (unlike a certain cowboy game I have named several times in this review already).

That's all I wanted to share - thanks for reading.

Never has a game made me cry this much before.

It's snowing. A boy and his younger sister are starving and freezing, so they seek shelter in an abandoned supermarket to find rations and warmth. No one else is in sight, the streets and supermarket are empty - until mysterious shadows break into the store and threaten the siblings. With his remaining strength, the boy heads out to the parking lot and decides to take on the monsters with just an iron pipe and dark magic spells from a mysterious book, as he needs to protect his beloved sister at all costs. It's a hopeless battle, but the brother has no other choice.

NieR Replicant ver1.22 tells the tale of the young Nier and his quest to find a cure to heal his bedridden sister Yonah. Their parents are dead, so Nier is doing his best as a big brother and takes on various requests in his village to earn some pocket money to buy food, but at the same time he hates seeing his sister alone and wants to spend more time by her side. Life isn't easy for the two of them and it would be a shame if it got any worse.

Alright, I'm not giving an entire rundown of the plot here. My point is: The game is sad! Really sad. As you've read in the opening sentence, never has a game made me tear up and shiver as much as Replicant before and I'm a sucker for stories with emotional impact. It's really one of the best narratives I've ever seen. The moment I stepped foot into Aerie Village I knew I was in for a ride, but to be fair, the game does start rather slow and doesn't really gain momentum until an hour or so in, but that's because Replicant starts by showing Nier's daily life in the village and his routine (comparable to Twilight Princess' intro segment, but only half as long). The payoff is worth it though, as experiencing the plot unravel firsthand from an average shonen story to pure Yoko Taro madness is truly an one-of-a-kind experience and you'll never see this adventure the same way again after some reveals. Through episodic storytelling in the form of multiple routes, the player needs to replay a part of the game each time, but in each subsequent playthrough, new scenes that give context to certain events are added, which totally enhanced the experience for me, especially since you'll always know after your first playthrough what's going to happen next. Not gonna elaborate on that further, since it's a very spoilery topic by nature, so you should just experience it for yourself. However, I can understand how people are upset with the repetition, especially since the third playthrough is nearly identical to Route B. But trust me, pushing through is worth it and by the time you reach Ending E most of your questions should be answered, which is a great reward. The only thing I'm a bit torn on is the requirement to have all weapons in your inventory to access Routes C, D and E, since some of them are missable. A bunch of missed weapons can be bought at the blacksmith in Aerie Village after a certain point in the story, but some also require you to do three certain side quests. My recommendation: Since you can't get all the weapons on Route A normally anyways (3 are locked behind the World of Recycled Vessel content, which only unlocks after beating the game once), I suggest you just play through that one normally and pick up every weapon you find along the way (remember to break the crates!!) and if you are still missing some, you might look up where to get them on Route B. This requirement really shows the age of the original game, but shouldn't distract you from the overall outstanding narrative.

Okay, so the story is good, but what about the gameplay? I think it's great personally! (Except for the part where I broke the spring in my controller's right trigger... by dashing too much.) The controls are simple and the combat feels satisfying, there are great animations and the attacks feel like they have weight to them. Being able to utilize weapons and magic at the same time is really cool, you can pull off some interesting maneuvers by combining certain spells with standard attacks; there's even an in-game tutorial for it, if I remember correctly. But the combat is not the only aspect of the game, a lot of time is spent... backtracking (and fishing). There's really a lot of running around, especially if you're looking to complete as many side quests as possible. As someone who wanted to get the most out of Replicant, I finished the game with 97% sidequest completion and only left out two specific ones deliberately because I really didn't like the idea of spending several real-time days on the gardening part of the game with only a chance to get the flower seeds you need. That quest aside, surprisingly I really enjoyed my time with most of the sidequests! A whole lot of them were just fetch quests, yet you get some nice (voiced) dialogue out of them and I got to spend more time in this cozy world, so it didn't really matter to me - the extra banter alone made it worth to me. There's also some particularly good quests, like ones where you can make decisions that actually impact your rewards and the people around you. As an example, in one quest you can decide whether to help a criminal out or not and you have to live with that decision. Same goes for several occasions throughout the game where Nier can decide to either tell the truth or lie to people - there is no "right" choice and it's up to the player to decide what they think is for the best. Very cool.

The cast of this game is awesome, and I'm not just talking about the main party. Characters like the twins, Fyra or the postman really add to the liveliness in this overall rather bleak world and everyone has their own unique story behind them. I mean there's even a backstory for the fisherman who gives you all those fishing quests! Fishermen and postmen aside, Nier's actual companions deserve the spotlight just as much. Weiss, Emil and Kainé are some of the most unusual JRPG companions I have ever seen (and I love them for it), since they basically go against most of the common tropes you'd expect out of a sidekick. Personally I found the banter of the party to be really interesting at times, since their distinctive personalities are just destined to have a weird dispute every now and then.

The rearranged soundtrack is just beautiful. While NieR Gestalt focused more on the bass of the songs and sounds "rougher", Replicant ver1.22 centers the instruments more and has a "softer" tone, which fits the melancholic vibe incredibly well in my opinion. If you'd ask me to pick three four favorite songs, I'm going with Snow in Summer, Temple of Drifting Sands, Song of the Ancients (Devola) and Fleeting Words (Outsider). I'm not linking them this time, because it's quite hard to find an upload of the individual ver1.22 arrangements on YouTube and its even harder to find spoiler-free ones (very important for a story-heavy game like this).

To wrap this up, I firmly believe Nier Replicant is a must-play for anyone who loves JRPGs with great narrative, characters and soundtrack (but can also handle a little repetition). While the game can be a little slow at times, the experience of slowly piercing this story and context together for yourself is unbeatable and I hope it makes you just as sad you can find just as much enjoyment in it as I did!

A great display of video games as an artform.

NieR: Automata is a game that goes above and beyond with its unique way of storytelling, taking full advantage of making the experience one that can't be substituted through a book or a movie - not just in terms of visual design, but also through the use of dynamic music and having its story told from the point of view of multiple protagonists.

Note that I have played NieR Replicant (the first game) right before this entry, so comparing the two games was inevitable for me. On one hand I still feel like I was doing Automata a disservice by doing so, but at the same time it was nice hearing remixes of familiar songs when they were still fresh in my memory. Either way, in my opinion something very important to anyone interested in this game, is to play Replicant first if you want the full experience. Not only because you would miss many cool references, but also because Automata doesn't hold back with spoiling the first game through the documents you can find in it and personally I'd be pretty upset if I read those before playing Replicant. Those documents are cool for returning players because you get more context for the events of the previous entry, but also spoil some of the biggest twists. Play this first at your own risk.

In contrast to Replicant, Automata's story has a lot more spectacle to it than Replicant's more grounded and personal narrative. This time you're not taking control of the teenage boy who wants to cure his sister, but instead slip into the role of android warrior 2B, who is fighting in an all-out war against machines to reclaim the planet. Considering the scale of the story, you're just one of many androids - Automata is less about the characters' personal struggles and more about the main conflict at hand. And while the overarching narrative is solid, the real highlight is how the story is told and the messages behind it. This game has multiple routes and endings and they're used particularly well here, compared to Replicant, where the routes were the same in terms of gameplay, but with new scenes. Even if Automata's Route A and B are the same string of events told through a different perspective (which turned a surprising amount of people off from doing multiple routes), the unique gameplay of 9S and some scenes from his perspective alone are worth warranting the second playthrough. Route C however is where the story really picks up in pace, while also being a fresh experience at the same time. New enemies, new plot, new soundtrack. (The enemy variety in Automata in general is way better than Replicant, there are so many machines and bosses with cool ideas!) Also, the finale of Route C completely blew me away with the "art direction" of it and the final battle at the end was the cherry on top. For those concerned about missables, after beating this route, you'll unlock Chapter Select and can freely return to any point in the story before, so there's no reason for FOMO, feel free to tackle the game at your own pace. In regards to achievements, what I found particularly interesting was the integration of a trophy shop. It's just like the name would suggest, a hidden in-game shop where you can buy the remaining achievements in exchange for virtual currency. Pretty cool if you locked yourself out of a trophy, but also really made me think about the actual point of trophies in general...

Combat and movement in Automata are definitely an upgrade to Replicant's combat... for the most part. Coming right from the first game, I was a bit surprised how slippery the controls felt, like they didn't have much weight to them. The most glaring difference was the missing vibration on hit though, it really gave the attacks more impact for me. Turns out the controls are actually quite good and responsive after spending a while with them, it just took me a bit to adjust. Now, the combat in Automata literally consists of hack-and-slash. As 2B, your main approach to offense will be slashing through the enemies (while looking really stylish) by dual-wielding a set of two weapons of choice, reaching from her signature katanas to the Beastbane from Replicant, you're free to mix and match towards whatever matches your own personal playstyle. Meanwhile the other protagonist, 9S, puts the emphasis on the "hack" in hack-and-slash. He does not have the luxury of using two weapons at once, as his model is not designed for combat, but rather for gathering intel - in gameplay terms this means you can hack into your enemies to deal large amounts of damage, destroying most normal enemies instantly. Hacking consists of a Space Invaders-like bullet hell minigame, where you need to shoot down hostile ships or towers which are shooting projectiles at you. If you get hit three times, you're getting kicked and need to hack the enemy again to get another shot at the minigame. In order to successfully complete a hack, normally all enemies need to be destroyed before being able to shoot the otherwise guarded core, but there are some exceptions, like bosses and special hacks have unique screens with other conditions attached to them. Hacking and slashing aside, there's actually a third type of combat (even if it's rarely used), the aerial combat. There are a few parts where you're mounting a flying mech and need to shoot down enemies in a rail shooter-like fashion. These segments are either 2D or top-down, your possible movements are defined by the camera angle.

Following up to the "possible movements", I'd like to talk about the possible movements in the overworld and the level design in general, because I'm really sold on both of those aspects. Moving around feels great, has a very parkour-ish feel to it and hopping or gliding onto certain structures is awesome. This also comes from the level design being a lot of fun to traverse and explore, a big step up from Replicant. All areas have an unique theme they're designed after and they're like semi-open worlds. No loading screens (aside from the ones disguised as elevators) are a huge plus and make for a really seamless experience. Not to mention those individual levels are gorgeous and still filled with so many small details, my favorites are the Forest Kingdom and Amusement Park. Shoutout to the Flooded City, although I wish that area was a bit larger. After reflecting on those areas, I'm not really sure if I prefer the medieval design of Replicant's world or the post-apocalyptic world of Automata. But one thing is for certain: traversing Automata's world didn't break my controller's right trigger spring. (Yeah, that happened in Replicant. Not even because I threw the controller or anything, it was just because I dashed a lot...)

The soundtrack is excellent. As I already stated in my opener, NieR Automata greatly makes use of the dynamic soundtracks - this means the songs shift between multiple variants, based on what is currently happening. Like when you hack an enemy as 9S, the current song slowly transitions into an 8-Bit version, depending on how much the hacking meter is filled, eventually the the hacking sequence starts and the full 8-Bit rendition plays until the minigame is completed, where it fades back to the normal version. But not only does the combat have changing music, the songs in individual areas also change based on location or story progress. An example fairly early on is the desert theme, Memories of Dust. As you walk into the desert for the first time, you will hear an instrumental version of this song, but as you get closer to the apartment ruins, the vocals fade in. It also works in reverse, because if you walk away from that location, the lyrics will fade out again. The most impactful use of the dynamic soundtrack for me was at the very end, and I won't specify this further, since you'll know what I mean when you get there.

Something very important for the PC players: Please do yourself a favor and set the anti-aliasing to SMAA, because MSAA looks really horrible in this port and also chugs performance for some reason; you won't even get consistent 60 frames, because there's some built-in limiter. Meanwhile the FidelityFX CAS option makes the colors look off, so I'd recommend turning that off too. These two things unironically took me three hours to figure out and I don't want you to go through the same pain.

In the end, I absolutely adored NieR Automata as an experience. While it didn't emotionally impact me nearly as much as Replicant, I prefer the direction and creative approach in this one, like using the route system for something a lot more meaningful than playing through the exact same events three times (and the final area four times!). It's definitely a game I will be thinking about for quite some time, as it really opened my eyes on games as an artform. Thanks for reading and glory to mankind!

I joined my character on the journey to insaneness. He went mad I went mad, he got into depression and I still did not leave his side, I got depressed with him. Then I saw that this relationship was toxic and decided to abandon the game. After that, I have never seen that lunatic.

"Really hoping Yakuza 8 makes substantial improvements, otherwise they'll need to have a story with an even bigger gut punch then this one." - AlphaOne2, 2023.
Oh how the Monkey's Paw curls this fine day...

Rating this the same as Like A Dragon 7. If you want the short of this, game is very good but wait for a generous sale. I didn't pay full price as I was gifted $20 from a Steam gift card, but thankfully for you these games tend to go on sale often. Give it time and you'll be set, or pirate bay is always an option I'm not a cop do what you please. Especially if you want New Game plus, which man that DLC shit is rancid, but after 90 hours of playtime I'm not itching to get back into this anytime soon. There really is no need to invest in that crap, the base game is plenty. Maybe too plenty.

Gameplay is a noticeable upgrade. The combat in Like A Dragon 7 became utterly exhausting by the end, wearing out its welcome well before the credits. Infinite Wealth has so many, much needed changes that make combat far more interesting. The general flow is still the same, but there's a lot more intentionality to it.
Firstly the big one: moving your character before selecting an attack. You can now plan where to send a enemy flying; where they could crash into one of their friends to hurt them as well, hit a wall for extra damage, or next to a party member where they'll whack them in midair (assuming they have a high enough affinity). You can perform combo attacks if you initiate an attack next to a party member, or move behind an enemy to guarantee a critical hit. Every character, regardless of their job, can now utilize improvised weapons, and with the addition of moving your characters it is much more reliable to make use of your environment. It saves quite a lot of resources when instead of your fire spell, you could simply swing a giant oil barrel and have it explode on a enemy group for massive fire damage.
There's more clarity when utilizing skills. It will highlight the area of effect of your range attacks, plus show arrows on where enemies will be launched to. It does mean that attacks that effect every character is a lot rarer; whether that's a heal, a buff, or a super move. Sounds like a downgrade but it really doesn't make much of a difference since Infinite Wealth has a smoother level curve then its predecessor. They've more or less gotten rid of the obnoxious jumps in difficulty that plague the endgame of 7, so long as you aren't avoiding every single battle. Though if your someone who likes to do extra content then you'll likely end up overpowered for certain battles. I've had boss fights where the boss only got off one or two attacks before they were already dead. Pretty anticlimactic, but it was my choice with how much unnecessary grinding I did in this game.

The job system is mostly the same as 7, with the exception of inheritance skills. In 7, specific skills from every job would be permanently added to a character's repertoire when unlocked. It was not only limiting since you couldn't choose what skills to carry over, but if mastered a lot of jobs then your skill list would become very cluttered with all kinds of skills you don't care for. Infinite Wealth instead has every skill from a job capable of being carried over. Now it's up to you whether your chef can football tackle through a crowd of yakuza, or breakdance so hard that they get a speed increase, or take out two revolvers and start blasting their asses. Unlike 7, it really is not necessary for every character to master every job as you can only equip so many inheritance skills (I wished I recognized that sooner, would've saved a lot of time). Your free to unlock any skills that seem interesting or fit your playstyle, but every character's exclusive job keeps their individuality so party members won't lose their own niche.
A much, much appreciated feature is the smackdown. Think Earthbound where if your statistically overpowered than a low level enemy then you can wipe them out instantly. You do receive a small experience penalty from the battle if won this way, but money and items aren't affected. Plus you really shouldn't be grinding on low level enemies to begin with. All it does is save your time, which with how prolonged this game already is, it absolutely needed this.

They haven't fixed everything from 7. Enemies and party members can still get caught on terrain even with being able to position the latter, sometimes a enemy will move out of the way just as select your A.O.E attack so don't end up catching every foe you were hoping for, going for a basic attack can be awkward if you want to be close enough for the proximity damage bonus but there's a nearby weapon that your character would automatically pickup with a element the enemy resists; just in general there's a air of awkwardness and clunkieness to the combat. Far from refined.
At the same time I feel the combat has really found its niche as a something that's very scrappy and fast paced, and occasionally indiscriminately chaotic. I've had times that I accidentally knocked a foe into a pile of explosive barrels which then exploded and caused a chain reaction that left everyone burning to death. Sometimes I would cause unintentional combos with one character sending a foe towards another party member where they would kick the enemy into the wall, and then yet another one would come over and stomped on their balls for good measure. It isn't impossible to get bored of this battle system, but it's a step in the right direction. More control yet just enough randomness in the player's favor to keep things fresh.

Speaking of steps in... a direction, story... yay.
Apologies in advance for the vagueness in this section, but I don't like discussing the finer details of a plot since it's always more valuable to experience it yourself and come to your own conclusions. And my conclusion is that there's too much. Too many characters, too many themes and morals, too many moving parts, too many twists, and so, so many exposition dumps. God damn do characters love to talk about anything and everything. This is a issue in other Like A Dragon games for sure, and that isn't to say every extended dialouge sequence has no reason for existing. But it doesn't help when certain aspects of the plot come with a air of "Out of touch dad explains what is "hip" with the kids these days". Basically there are subject matters that the writers lack the nuance and knowledge to convey correctly, and if you have any basic understanding on these subjects that it can be hard to swallow. They had too much they wanted to say, not all of which was profound to begin with, and it's very noticeable where things got shafted for time. Especially when they're still talking.
I don't know if I'm just more busy nowadays with preparing my new house to move into (shits expensive), but my attention span for plot dumps and exposition scenes has gotten real short. And it's a shame since there are plenty of dialouge pieces that are entertaining and interesting, but that tends to be relegated to the side content.

It wouldn't be Like A Dragon without its minigames and side stories. We got shogi, blackjack, poker, mahjong, other gambling games that I have no clue how to play, batting cages, fishing, randomly generated dungeon crawling, Pokémon Snap but with "weirdos" in Hawaii, swimming and collecting trash, just straight up Pokémon catching and battling but everyone is just some dude, Crazy Taxi but your a food delivery boy on a bike, a online dating sim where you have to make your own profile and even pay (in-game) cash to make your profile nicer looking, and a seriously in-depth Hawaii resort simulator where you gather resources and build your own island paradise for guests as you protect the resort from trash pirates. That last one might as well be its own game cause my god there's so much to it and I don't have all day to explain the intricacies of that. As a whole I enjoyed these distractions quite a lot more then previous titles. The island resort sim especially caught me off guard with how fun I found it to be.
The smaller side quests were alright, but I felt the more emotionally driven ones fell flat to me. I don't know, I find it harder to care when every side character feels the need to explain their whole life story to me at the start of every quest. And I do mean every character. Am I being too harsh? I don't want to come off as someone who tells others how to write their stories, and maybe I was just getting fatigued playing this game, but it's not a good sign when I start skimming your dialouge because it just isn't engaging me.
You know what was? Bingo. Or rather the Bingo Board, where you get to learn fun factoids of your party members while walking across Hawaii. Finding out what they do in their spare time, what food they like, personal grievances they have, flaws they're working on fixing; can't get enough of that small talk. It also improves their affinity stat, which unlocks more inheritance slots your party members can equip, so it's worth going after these. And I will say that this probably the funniest Like A Dragon game I've played yet. The ludicrous scenarios and the utterly bizzare special moves had me chuckling a handful of times. The less serious sidestories and summons especially had me giggling like a idiot.

I'll be real this review was exhausting to make (kind of like this game). There's so much more I was planning to talk about the story side of things and how conflicted it made me. The bit of good with the story made the bad especially stick out, particularly with how characterization flip flop between pretty great to "...huh?" But with this being my third draft of this piece, I've realized that I just wasn't enjoying myself having to talk about the plot. It's funny because this isn't even a story I find particularly offensive or bad as a whole, it feels more confused then anything. Regardless I do feel this a notably better game then 7, and I hope to see more improvements going forward with the series. Just, give it a few more drafts next time around, and maybe tone down the scale.

You also have a playlist you can create, with all kinds of songs from other games, that you can listen during traversal and I want this to be in every game from now on. Let me listen to Open Your Heart in the Elden Ring DLC you cowards.

A neat mystery puzzle game wrapped up in a spooky plant lady vibe that sadly doesn’t always execute on some of the cool ideas it attempts and is burdened by poorly-designed UI/UX.

Strange Horticulture is, at its core, a deductive reasoning puzzle game that has you solving clues to identify plants and seeking out new plants to expand your collection. Most times, that loop of looking for a plant based on a vague description and trying to narrow it down using context clues or sketches can deliver a familiar satisfying rush that comes from puzzle games like this. Other times, “solving” a puzzle is just reading through 60 plant descriptions until you find one key word like “stranger” or “smokey” buried in the text. That’s not a puzzle, it's just tedious. The story, told through the visits of customers, is neat and the choices along the way (that set up multiple endings) made me feel invested in the twisty tale that was being told. After finishing the game, I enjoyed going back and seeing how some of the other endings played out.

Later in the game, once you’ve identified most of the plants, occasionally a customer will ask for one specific plant of the 77 unorganized plants on your shelf. So you’ll slowly scroll left to right looking for the one plant you need, but if you scroll too quickly, the label open/close animation won’t react in time and you’ll miss the name. Some method of auto-sorting your plants would have been a welcome addition to the game.

When not identifying plants to help customers, you’re following clues and solving riddles to visit specific locations on a map and find new plants to add to your collection. It’s a pretty fun idea in theory, but the map is quite large and the writing on it is often difficult to read, requiring constant use of the game’s dedicated magnifying glass button - a baffling game decision.

Searching for plants in your massive collection, reading too many descriptions, navigating around a map, and just interacting with your inventory are all things that shouldn’t be annoying but are due to the game’s poorly designed interface that is only made worse on consoles. I can only assume that this game was designed to be played with a mouse and keyboard on a 40 inch computer monitor that your face is 4 inches from at all times, because nothing else really makes sense. The script-like font is small, requiring frequent use of the magnifying glass just to be able to read literally any of the text in the game. There is an “easier to read font” option, that makes all the text more legible, but the interface does not adapt to the new text size, so conversations with NPCs constantly fall off the screen as you’re trying to read them which results in battling the scrolling dialogue. Additionally, while the “legible text” option does improve most of the menus, the map does not benefit from the cleaner text, so that continues to be difficult to read without the magnifying glass. Even with the magnification, the rivers are actively impossible to read due to the weird font choice. Controlling the game on console is a nightmare as the cursor is mapped to the left analog stick with a set cursor speed of “excruciatingly slow”. There are labels in the game so you can make notes of all the items you’re finding, but that feature is predictably a pain without a dedicated keyboard to use.

The thing that makes these pain points more frustrating is that I actually really enjoyed most of my time with Strange Horticulture, but it constantly felt as though I was fighting against the game to find the fun. Underneath the poorly-designed UI and weird design decisions is a pretty great game! Finding that game, however, takes some work. And maybe a lot of work if you’re playing on console.

+ Satisfying deductive puzzle solving
+ Great spooky vibes
+ Fun, creative plants with interesting descriptions
+ Great story choices throughout the game that set up multiple endings

- Terrible UI that often feels anti-player for the sake of “theme”
- Console/controller support is all around terrible from UI adaptation to controller use
- Some puzzles are more tedious reading than actual puzzle-solving

This review contains spoilers

I often think about how much Square's 2005 Final Fantasy VII tech demo cursed the company to a decade of fans groveling at their feet for a remake, something that prior to that demo was not really talked about all that much. At least not at such a scale, or to the point that every E3 came with people joking about its supposed appearance or lack thereof, something that Metroid Prime 4 has more or less embodied today. Repeated attempts to quell fans and explain in no uncertain terms that it was just a demo did little quiet the discussion, and Square eventually changed tact and asserted a remake would not be possible unless it could top the original, a proposition they framed as being so risky and improbable that it'd just kill the company.

While selling IPs for pennies on the dollar to invest in NFTs right before a market crash, an insider trading scandal, and flops like Forspoken have put Square in a bad position, they've been able to weather these hits and stave off total ruin. For now, at least. Modern game development is fucked. It's so fucked that Final Fantasy VII Remake is a project Square is now willing to take a chance on, but it is only sustainable as three separate projects aiming to cover the entirety of what was a 40 hour mid-90s video game. It is not simply a matter of being able to top the original creatively and financially, it's replicating a game from an era where less got you more in a time where more means less.

And in a lot of ways, Remake both succeeds and fails at this. All the key beats are here, like storming the Mako reactor, the Sector 7 plate falling, the high speed motorcycle chase out of Midgar and into the wide open plains of Gaia... But what was originally a three to five hour segment of a much larger game has now been pulled like rubber, stretched so thin it is nearly transparent to suit a full gameplay experience. Midgar is a big place, you simply cannot invest in the amount of assets needed to portray it in the modern day and have enough time and budget left to design a whole open world and numerous dungeons and towns with their own bespoke aesthetics, and the cost is that Remake at times feels bloated.

Portions of the original that took mere minutes are now elongated into full chapters, like the Sector 5 underpass, which has mutated into a dungeon the player must traverse several times. Pre-existing dungeons like Shinra HQ are so massive that they have a tendency to overstay their welcome, and moments of urgency in the story are broken up with prolonged periods of downtime that adversely affect the pacing.

Square has had a real side quest problem for a while now. They often feel dry and inorganic, presented as checklists of things to do rather than being an obscure but natural part of a larger, living world. Though they are not mandatory, they're often presented in a way that feels it, a nagging green icon and the promise of a reward too good to pass up if only you're willing to put in some work. Aerith is probably being dissected (or worse) by Hojo but uh, I gotta run this Uber Eats order to Chocobo Sam.

This is something I hope Rebirth will address by covering a comparatively much larger portion of the original's story. I also hope it further explores Remake's most interesting aspect, which is it's almost Cabin in the Woods-like meta narrative about being a remake.

I often see people complain when a remake deviates from the source material, but provided the original is still readily available - as is the case with Final Fantasy VII - then the idea of a 1:1 remake becomes profoundly boring to me. A reverence for and understanding of the original is of course necessary, but I'd prefer a remake actually say something new rather than be a straight retread. And so Remake to me is perfectly titled, not just in how it embodies being a remake as a product but by exploring how self-aware characters are attempting to remake their own story.

Sephiroth has apparently already lived the events of Final Fantasy VII, and spends much of this game coercing Cloud as he had in the original, using him a puppet and setting him against the fates so that hey may break causality. This doesn't just benefit Sephiroth by helping him avoid eating shit in the Northern Crater a second time, it also presents Cloud and his company the opportunity to fight him without facing the same consequences they did the last time, even if they may not be as acutely aware of what those consequences are.

Except for Aerith, who subtly displays her own level of awareness for the original timeline, knowing people's names before they're given and generally displaying a level of precognition over minor aspects of her world that seem unimportant on a surface level but nevertheless betray her placement in Remake's continuity. For her, the opportunity to defy destiny is a decision made with considerably less confidence as she knows what her sacrifice accomplishes.

Naturally, the fates, or "whispers" as they're known, physically intervene when events begin to deviate. Wedge survives plate fall, so that fucker's gotta get thrown out a window. Hojo nearly spoils Cloud on the reveal that he's not a member of SOLDIER, so he gets whisked away while going "Ohhhh my, how faaaascinating~" like a weird like freak. In a way, the whispers represent the very boring fans that want Final Fantasy VII but more prettier, who dislike any chance taken with the material and will react violently when presented with something different. For Square to move past the baggage of FFVII, they too must destroy the expectations placed upon them and venture into uncharted territory.

Suffice it to say, I'm pretty happy with these creative choices and found myself far more invested in Remake because of them. It's a good counterbalance to all the bloat and actually left me interested enough to push through some of Remake's more tedious lows just to see where everything was going.

On the more mechanical end, Remake is pretty solid. A complaint I had about of the original is that characters largely felt the same despite ostensibly slotting into traditional job classes, with the key differentiating factor being what materia was equipped to them. Conversely, Remake provides each party member their own play style, and it adds a lot of diversity to combat. The materia system remains largely unaltered, serving as a sort of common point between the games to keep players grounded early on, while the new take on the ATB system feels like a near perfect answer to Final Fantasy moving away from turn-based gameplay.

I think Remake also deserves a lot of praise for how well it translates the visual design of the original. There's an alternate reality out there where this game was made for the PS3 and adopted a more grounded aesthetic akin to Advant Children, and thank god I don't live in it. I also adore the soundtrack. Subtle things like making sure the bits of metallic percussion in the battle theme are still there, the incorporation of the Shinra theme in Crazy Motorcycle Chase adding a nice narrative tie, or just my own Pavlovian conditioning resulting in me getting hyped as hell anytime J-E-N-O-V-A starts playing... it's good stuff.

Final Fantasy VII Remake would not exist were it not for that tech demo, and I don't mean that to say the possibility of a remake wasn't there until E3 2005. Rather, its themes are a direct response to the albatross that hung from Square's neck in the decade following. What artistic value would there be in doing a by-the-numbers remake, going through the motions from start to finish? It'd make a lot of people happy, sure, but I can't imagine it being anything other than bloodless.

I feel a bit guilty still giving this game a rating this high. I’ve become really disillusioned to Bethesda in recent years, and this game still has huge, at times game ruining issues that they still just have not bothered to fix across any of its remasters and rereleases. I don’t care how good the water looks, I just want to be able to complete the fucking Bloodline quest damn it. And yet I can’t deny how this game still manages to suck me in. It’s so massive in scope, so dense with things to see and do, so many choices and customization options available to you, and with an atmosphere that just takes me back to a different age. It takes me back not just to that era of gaming, but also to that era of internet culture, all the animations and machinimas from people like Freddiew and Psychicpebbles. The fandom and excitement this game garnered was real and it was hard not to get sucked into.

Naming my followers after my friends is proving to be an exponentially worse and worse decision with each update.

The pure intricacy of the world building on display here is so impressive, the story so densely woven and spanning millenia, the characters so richly drawn and relatable (Ride or Die for my boy Ace of Spades!). Unfortunately it has a game breaking glitch which means sometimes you cannot beat the game, no matter what you do. Still waiting on a patch for this Microsoft???

Today, there are little flowers blooming where there were none yesterday

Thats the kind of discovery that warms my heart, you know?


2010 and there is a little girl who wakes up on a Saturday at 5am in her grandma's house. She runs downstairs before the suns risen and before anyone has woken up, a novelty. Like she is the only one there, like it is her house. She makes cereal and watches tv, to the left and through the sliding glass door she can see the sun coming up. At grandma's house the sun always rises in oranges and pinks. The neighborhood is always quiet and always confined. Throwing away the plastic bowl, she walks out into the living room, turns on the tv, turns on the wii. Sets the setting to hdmi 2 and grabs her remote. And she plays this.

Impossibly beautiful and forever welcoming. City Folk and its open spaces, delightful music that defines an hour of your life. Your neighbors that seem to have an unlimited amount of things to say, sending you letters, asking after your other characters, pushing them into pitfalls regardless because it is funny every time. And to this child, it was very real, and deeply mysterious. You could spend hours doing nothing but I remember it all so well, feeling giddy after ordering 50 wheat fields and placing them in my house, walking and hiding in them. Dyeing my hair cyan in the hair salon, feeling rich if I managed to buy one thing at Gracies. Time hopping to winter so I could build an awful snowman. Making constellations with Celeste, in awe of all the colors and the way the stars shined.

At school, it is now recess. Today, I have brought a stuffed dog to school named Moo. It was my father's but he cared little for it, so it is now mine. Unlike my father, I will take care of Moo. I will not abandon him, or treat him like he is nothing. He comes with me everywhere and I hug him on the bus when I know he is scared, because I can feel what he feels and it is something other people can not grasp. I have many other stuffed animals at home, and they all take turns coming with me. There is a tree in the recess yard. All the kids jump on it and stab at it with pencils, and I remember that I felt like something was burning inside me. That tree was no ones friend and no one saw it, but I would and I did. I sat with that tree every day, talked to it and loved it. As an adult I can recognize now that the teachers were always looking at me because I never played with any of the other kids. This little girl cried a lot, she wanted to go home a lot. She had meltdowns and bit other kids. And children pick up on that, and I knew that they knew that there was something untouchable about me and that they should stay away. I never had any friends. But still, I was so loving. I loved everything and wanted to understand everything. I would be a friend to something like myself, like that tree, but still they could never talk back.

But, the villagers in City Folk could. They talked to me like they were real, like they knew me. I listened to them and loved every second. I fell in love with Rolf and bombarded him with letters asking him to marry me, I adored Friga and her mature attitude that I didnt quite understand yet but compelled me nonetheless. I played in Frobert's house a lot because the colors were so pretty, and he had a frog chair. I loved every detail of every little thing about them, and it was something only a child could experience. But it also hurt too, because once more as much as I loved them I knew that they could never sit with me and give me a hug, or push me on the swing or make me a bracelet, any of the many things I saw other girls my age doing. And I didnt know it at the time, but I never would feel that. I would never have any friends. For two decades, I would be alone. And into the years which should of been the best of my life, I would lose the ability to leave the house. I would lose a lot of things that I was otherwise proud of. And I begun to feel like something like me might never be understood or loved at all.

That child in me never really died, sometimes I still feel her sitting in a field behind the school, bawling her eyes out at an impossible lonliness that children really dont ever feel.

But a year ago, to this day, I sent someone a message. We had a lot in common, I thought, and I was so desperate for friends. I had just moved into my first apartment and I was so lonely and scared. I stayed up till 1am listening to my cat wailing and talking with them. I did not know that this person would turn out to be my best friend, my first friend. I was just excited to talk to them the next day. And the day after that. For hours, the whole day even. All the time, for a whole year, they spoke with me. They never once let me be alone like I was. And even though I've never had the chance to speak much, and I might be annoying at times, they have never once held that against me. I can be with them, talk with them about things I like, play games with them. And they listen to me, enjoys having me there. Wants me to be there. Impossible.

Later, I met two other people. They celebrated my birthday with me and I dont think I ever smiled as much as I did on that day. And it was the first time I ever had a party with friends, had someone to remember my birthday. And even though they arent with me physically, I was still so happy. I wont ever forget that. Two days ago, I spent the weekend watching one of them play Bratz all day and we were laughing and having fun. And I thought that a year ago, this would not be possible. A year ago I was much less of a person and more like a slave. But now I have people to talk to, people I respect, people that make my life worth living. And even though I still want to know what its like to be hugged, to have a friend physically there, im still so happy. And I can not believe someone in my position got so lucky as to meet these people.

To Nicole, I love you sooo much. You are such a bright and loving person. You are endlessly talented in so many things, so kind and so thoughtful, everyone should be taking notes. Thank you for all the happy memories you have given me over the past year, and for everything youve done to help me.

And to Hilda, thank you so much. Even though you say you wish you could do more for me and you wish that you were more, I sincerely do not care. Because every day I am excited to wake up and talk to you. You make me laugh every day, you are so funny and beautiful. I am so, so proud to call myself your friend and I am so happy to be liked by the both of you. You have changed my life considerably.

For my first year of being on my own, and the first year ive been on Backloggd, I can not be more pleased. I am still not all together free of the ocd that forced me here, and part of me still feels trapped and lonely. I want to experience the things other people my age take for granted. Ive never been kissed, I've never gone to the mall with my friends. Things like that, but for the first time in my life I can at least finally feel content. And I feel like no matter what happens, I will have always people to go back to, people who care. Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart.


So, it's good to appreciate the times where you've got nowhere to be and nothing to do