On the first day of christmas my true love gave to me...........Banban...........

I'm so tired dude.

(Edit- I just realized this was my 1000th review........................god I just.......fuck my life dude honestly.)

i shoulda never smoked that shit, now i'm in anor londo

for a game that's centered around suffering, despair, and defeat, it sure as hell makes you feel that. this game is just sisyphus pushing the boulder up the hill, only to fall all the way back down once you reach the top.

the entire game is a gauntlet. i hope ornstein and smough get strapped to a missile that's aimed directly for sen's fortress. i hope the four kings get four bullets put in each of their heads. i did not ask for a side of fucking tinnitus with my video game so tell me why the fuck kalameet is screaming in my headphones. blighttown can just fuck off. why the fuck do i need 4000 souls to buy an item to attack some ghosts please fucking explain fromsoft. CAN SOMEBODY TURN THE LIGHTS ON IN THE TOMB OF THE GIANTS I CANNOT SEE A FUCKING THING.

the absolute torture of having to backtrack your steps across multiple parts of the map for the first ~50% of the game is already enough to make you want to give up, but ironically this is actually the better half of the game. this isn't even accounting for the tediousness of running for minutes back to a boss encounter after you inevitably fail time after time. i shit you not i could probably run from the 2nd anor londo bonfire to the ornstein/smough fight with my eyes closed due to pure muscle memory.

this game is so unforgiving in so many different ways. if you get hit and knocked down, just take your hands off the controller/keyboard because you are fucked buddy. trying to find an opening in the chaos of some of these boss fights just to get a single heal off feels like just as much of an insurmountable task as the boss itself. i could take a shit and even wipe before i am finally able to move again after using an estus flask in this game.

some boss fights you could do on your first try, but others are genuinely some of the most unfair experiences i've encountered in any video game in my entire life. this is where you say "git gud" and i tell you to go fuck yourself. some of these fights are artificially difficult through either being programmed like shit (you know exactly what i'm talking about) or having attacks that have probably 5 frames between when it starts and when it hits you for 70% of your hp.

the second half of the game kind of just felt like it was scraps they tossed in. they must have made lost izalith barred off xanax 48 hours before the production date or something cause that area was so pointless and the boss was the dumbest gimmick fight i’ve ever fucking seen.

i'm too stubborn to give up, but that doesn't mean i didn't want to at multiple points throughout my playthrough. the game makes me hate myself even more, but despite the absolute fucking anguish that is experiencing this game, i hate that i still appreciate it; i appreciate it's existence for the sole reason that it led to some of my favorite games, even if this isn't one of them.