2389 Reviews liked by UrLocalBanktoad


This is a game that made me feel ill while playing, and I wasn't even playing it on actual hardware. I don't know if it was the fact that I was throwing up yesterday or the fact that the intestine-like pieces coupled with the red filter over the game evoked some visceral feelings.

Essentially, this game has you drop pieces that you're supposed to link together like... intestines, I guess? Once you pop enough intestines, a little fairy deletes your bottom row, and once you reach a certain threshold, you move on to the next level.
At first I liked the gameplay idea, it's kind of like Puyo Puyo where you build up your pieces to let them explode in one big pay-off, but the game gets kind of punishing if you get unlucky with pieces. If your big chain gets blocked off by unlucky pieces, it's pretty much impossible to recover unless you get lucky with the fairy. Oh, and good luck actually building anything once the game starts giving you double pieces.
It doesn't help that the inputs feel clunky, taking about half a second delay before actually moving, which is NOT GOOD for a puzzle game like this. In addition, there's no good feedback response that tells you when your piece "sets" in place, meaning that you'll accidentally move the piece when you don't want to, or you'll waste time placing your next piece.

All-in-all, the gameplay concept has a lot of potential, and it's kind of a shame it didn't get a chance to redeem itself on better hardware (AKA not the fucking VIRTUAL BOY) and with more dev time.
I'll add a star for the cute anime girl on the right; apparently the creator, Megu-tan, created her as the ideal version of herself? It's cool to see trans game creators outside of Western studios. You can read an interview with Megu-tan here, it's not a long read.

Colorblindness Rating: A
Virtual Boy games are monochromatic. No issues here.

Turnip Boy Commits Tax evasion was a barebones lite Zelda game with some funny humor. With the sequel Turnip Boy Robs a Bank, I only expected another Zelda like, but massively expanded and improved as we expect from sequels. It turns out what I expected was incorrect, because with the sequel we get s a completely different type of game; a rogue-lite-lite (...?) that takes a lot of inspiration from Enter the Gungeon and Binding of Issac.

While the first game did feel more like a "joke" title, the sequel feels more like a fully fledged title, but still on the bite size in terms of length. Story-wise it is a direct sequel to the first and picks up immediately where you left off, so this game is best played right after being the first as there are a lot of continuing plotlines and running jokes. The game is still funny, but I feel like the humor wasn't a focus this time around.

The gameplay takes a lot of inspiration from Enter the Gungeon borrowing the same twin stick bullet hell with dodge rolls design. Although the layout of the bank is mostly not random, there are rooms where the locations are randomized, but the rooms themselves remain the same, which is why I hesitate to even call it a rogue-lite. The most "Random" element of this game is the weapons enemies drop.
As you continue your way through the bank, fighting bosses and unlocking shortcuts like Dark Souls, you collect money but picking up cash and treasures.

The aim of the game is to collect as many treasures and cash as you can and escape the bank before the cops arrive, otherwise if you die in the bank, all of your treasures and some cash is left behind.
You want as much cash as you can get since you can buy more upgrades and items that will help you progress further and make some bosses easier. It's a fun gameplay loop that doesn't overstay it's welcome.

You can easily beat this in one sitting and it was fun while it lasted. It's nothing too deep. The progression is addicting and the bosses are fun and challenging. Although you're not gonna get some deep endless replayable game here like you would with Enter the Gungeon as once you've finished this game, you've mostly seen everything there is to see.
It was a fun little time playing this game , and just like the first I wouldn't buy this at full price, but if you can get it on a sale you can go wrong with a bite sized romp like this one.

i shoot knight with assault rifle . am i monster ?

Hm yeah. How many times did they make Super Mario Kart? These racers have contracts with a death clause or sum? At least, the game is an upgrade from 64. Holy crivvens! It's another kind of mediocre, taking some mediocrities from both ancestors, at the same time being able to boast about not having a Vanilla Lake 2 or Yoshi Valley in its midst. How cool is that? My boy Luigi can drift tho but only if he don't use the drift button. If you catch my drift. What a dreadful concept... they're racing on a road made out of butter, cut them some slack will you? I don't know what we're beating if not allegations. In 1st game fashion, everything is flat as crepe around these parts. I can see the horizon in the distance. I can see my future as a goon media reviewer. So, yes... the courses are pretty cool! Huh??? Trust the process.

These NPCs are NOT cheating anymore, the gadzookery they employ is fine-tuned and approved by the company. At what cost? 2 luigillion dollars. Who asked for the coin mechanic to be brought back? Intsys has priorities I wish they did not have. All these racers could embody the "your uber driver has arrived" energy very well. In Super Circuit, we trust in good 'ol Vietnam tactics as they've worked so far. Say hello to familiar old items and not a shred of creativity in making new ones. Damn. Controlling better than its predecessors with cool gamemodes on the GBA is its only claim to fame? We raced our way into an early grave with this one. We not gettin them good like we used to anymore.

Their voices are like, crunched crunched. Kinda sounds like the rusted hinges of the gates of Hell opening everytime I pass a racer, don't it. Kinda hope it doesn't affect my "SkillPoints.cs"😊 oh, but what is that ranking thing? I don't think it deserved so many parameters... who's the fucking nerd at Intsys that applied their Fire Emblem rhetoric to the funny kart game? Bring out the Excel tables chat. I've also tested that new Quick Run mode; I mean, I did not have my fill, might as well test something new, but it's just racing on tracks like usual. Wait, "usual"? That's the VS mode from MK DS! They deadnamed the mode 😭 this shit was not it Nintendo, never cook again. Other modes are the usual fair although I cannot confirm since the Super Circuiters aint wanna fw me in Battle Mode. AITA?

Let's talk about the menu... or not. Just sayin it looks nice. It's not gay to compliment a fellow menu, ya hear! Most of the time my pookies we're gonna be racing anyways. In either Mario Circuit, Mario Circuit 1, Mario Circuit 2, Mario Circuit 3, Mario Circuit 4- hol on, yeah that's a lot of em! The new courses are, graphically, hittin the spot. They even nailed the lighting. We're just short of Ray-Tracing in our good old GBA. It's also easy to navigate, more than you'd think. Why? idk, Intsys magic. They changed between laps sometimes, well we got that feature in the first game tho ahah. Shy Guy Beach/Cheep-Cheep Island is also my favorite piece of music in the series. The only problem I've had with courses is some like Lakeside Park are kinda fucked up because you can go from rank 1 to rank 8 if you accidentally go over "walls" that were actually ramps. Pokémon players on suicide watch

Doom

2016

I am incapable of finishing this damn game. I have started and dropped numerous playthroughs of DOOM but often give up during the first time in Hell. It's strange because I quite like this game. Ripping and tearing and such is very fun, and exploring the levels for secrets and Funko Pops is enjoyable to me. And the difficulty at least on ultra-violence is far from frustrating to me. The core components of DOOM are all fantastic, which leads me to feeling confused as to why I am the way I am with this game.

I can't quite put my finger on any specific reason as to why I struggle with getting through DOOM other than the vague notion of "fatigue". Maybe combat encounters are too frequent and exhausting, or maybe it's the other side of the spectrum and exploration is too lengthy and hollow. Deeper in my playthroughs I just end up feeling sick of playing at the end of sessions and dread starting a new one. However, when kicking off a new playthrough I always have a blast, I just get worn down.

I think it's a real shame, I want to love this game; it’s unapologetically cool, combat is stellar, soundtrack slaps, and the world just resonates with me. But something about DOOM keeps me from loving it. Maybe DOOM Eternal will click with me in a way that 2016 doesn't. Or maybe one these days I'll finally have a playthrough I want to finish.

It wasn't really my thing, but I think it was definitely a good game.
Fishing is a pain just like in real life.

I always come back to this legendary game... Yet I STILL can't get passed the first stage cause I don't allocate enough time to play it. Maybe someday I'll look at this masterpiece of a series... Just tell me which games to play other than this one and the n64 one, and I'll be good to go. (if the SNES Japanese exclusive versions have translations lmk)

Gran Turismo 5 is proof that effort and passion truly can be put into a realistic racing sim. That being said, man I really don't like realistic racing sims. The game looks pretty good for the PS3, but not good enough to justify the fact that it took well over two hours to install itself from its disk. There seems to be a good amount of modes, plus a huge amount of different cars and customization options to choose from, and when not simply showing off its hyper realistic graphics, the presentation is pretty good as well. The problem is that the actual gameplay is just completely uninteresting to me. The driving is not that exciting and gets old really quickly. This is a pretty big problem in a game like this where you are expected to grind to progress through the game and get unlockables. The entire game is really meant for a certain type of person who would probably play it as their only video game for a significant period of time. If played in that manner, this would probably be a pretty decent game. But as it is, it's just not for me.

Do you see banana man
Hopping over on the white hot sand
Here he come with some for me
Freshly taken from banana tree (one, two, three, four)
Banana man me want a ton
Give me double and a bonus one
Give me more for all me friends
This banana flow never end
Do you want a banana?
Peel it down and go mm mm mm mm
Do you want a banana?
This banana for you
Tonight we dance around the flame
Then we get to play the spirit game
Spirit names we shout out loud
Shake the thunder from the spirit cloud
All the songbirds in the tree
Chant a tune to let the spirits free
Then we see them in the night
Spirits jumpin' by the fire light
Do you want a banana? (Do you want a banana)
Peel it down and go mm mm mm mm
Do you want a banana? (Do you want a banana)
This banana for you
Look you, you're too uptight you know
You can laugh and kick it back and go (we)
But without a rhythm or a rhyme
You do not banana all the time
Fly away from city on the run
Try to make a little fun
Look you come to the bungalow
African't you tell me don't you so
Don't you love the bumping of the drum
Make you shake until the bum go numb
Let the bongo play until you drop
This banana never stop (never stop, never stop)
Forget all your troubles and go with the flow
Forget about whatever you may never know
Like whether whatever you are doing is whatever you should
And whether anything you do is every really any good
And then forget about banana when it sticks in your throat
And when they make you want to bellow but you're stuck in a choke
And you forget about the yellow from the beckoning man
He'll make you take another and make a mock of your plan
Bungalay bungalo make up your mind and tell me no umm shh
Well it's nine o'clock and it's getting dark
And the sun is falling from the sky
I've never left so early and you may wonder why
Tomorrow morning on the plane
No banana make you go insane
Floating back to busy town
No banana make you want to frown
Do you want a banana? (Do you want a banana?)
Peel it down and go mm mm mm mm
Do you want a banana?
This banana for you

Exploding into bits was fun, would recommend

This review contains spoilers

Firewatch is the hardest game that I’ve ever written a review for. Upon finishing it and collecting my thoughts, I was left feeling extremely conflicted and confused. That’s the main reason why I decided not to give the game a score at the time of writing this. The common consensus of Firewatch is that it’s a well written walking sim with a really unsatisfying twist and downer ending. It felt like the game was giving you choices that might determine the outcome of the narrative, when that really wasn’t the case at all. Of course, I initially thought that too. It felt like the game was building up to something much more than that, something bigger, and when you make it to the end and you find that there really isn’t anything else to it, you’re left feeling disappointed and empty. The thing is, I feel like that was the point the game is trying to make.

I believe that the primary message of Firewatch is that when life throws awful things your way, or when you make poor choices that lead to horrible consequences, you need to face them head on, and you can’t rely on escapism to avoid them, because at the end of the day, your problems will still be there. I think that the main plot delivers this message in a way that’s very difficult to swallow. Delilah mentions at the very beginning of the game how people only take the job of a fire lookout in order to get away from something, specifically she means the things in life that are burdensome or traumatizing. Henry is there as a way of coping with the fact that his wife is suffering from dementia and had moved back in with her family in Australia. She might not even remember who he is anymore, and he doesn’t want to face or accept that.

Delilah is there to escape from the fact that her ex-boyfriend, Javier, left her after his brother was killed in a town called Gillette (which, after doing some Googling, is apparently a town known for mining, which could mean that he died in a mining accident). He left because Delilah was too focused on her dream of becoming an instructor for the Wyoming Outdoor Leadership School and she didn’t provide any sort of emotional or moral support to him during this delicate time. Delilah also ended up lying to her sister about the reason behind the break up, stating that Javier had sex with their neighbor, and had continued to lie about it for over ten years.

Then, there’s the Goodwins, Ned and Brian. It’s not revealed in-game why Ned and Brian were at the park to begin with, but I think it’s highly likely Ned just wasn’t happy with how his son was turning out. Brian was an introverted boy who loved science, fantasy, and comic books, and Ned very much gave off the impression of being your stereotypical stern, masculinity-obsessed Father who didn’t understand any of that stuff and wanted his son to be more of a man. Based on the cassette tape he leaves for Henry at the end of the game, I suspect he brought Brain out there in order to put some hair on his chest, or something like that. Then, after Brian’s death, Ned chooses to live in the woods alone, both in order to make sure that no one learns about what happened to Brian and finds his body in cave 452, and so that he didn’t have to face the reality of his son’s death and the consequences of bringing Brian out into the wilderness when it was against park regulations.

The game leaves this up to the player’s interpretation, but I think that Delilah was likely supporting Ned the entire time. The conversation that you overhear near the start of the game, after you first emerge from cave 452 and encounter the mysterious figure, clearly indicates that she was talking to someone about Henry, and that it was a conversation you were not meant to hear. If there was no conspiracy, no government agents recording Henry and Delilah’s conversations over the course of the summer, and it was just Ned out there the entire time, then I don’t see how Delilah could’ve been talking to anyone else during that conversation. Ned was probably freaking out regarding the fact that you went into the cave. You also have to consider Delilah’s position as the manager of the fire lookouts. When you find Ned’s bunker at the end of the game, it’s filled with supplies, and unless he’s just been going around stealing from campers all of these years, I don’t see how he was able to get these things without Delilah’s help. She likely ordered additional supplies be delivered and shared them at various supply caches for Ned to collect from. I think she might have done this because she knew about Brian’s death. Either she sympathized with Ned’s desire to stay in the park and keep from facing reality, or she was afraid there would be repercussions against her since she had more than ample time to report Brian’s presence to higher-ups and didn’t say anything. Regardless, I think that by the end of the game, she’s overcome with guilt and regret over what happened and comes to the realization that she and Ned were wrong to do what they did instead of owning up to the mistakes they made.

That’s why I think the narrative unfolds the way that it does. Players likely go into Firewatch not really knowing what to expect, thinking that it’ll be a piece of media that can act as a way to entertain themselves and use as a temporary escape from their own problems in life. When they find the game doesn’t really provide that, that the story that was seemingly being built up doesn't go in the direction they expected to, and then concludes the way that it does, I totally get feeling burnt by that. I certainly felt the same way in the heat of the moment. In conjunction with the narrative, I believe this is the game’s way of communicating its themes regarding escapism. You can use things like art and media to distract yourself from whatever it is in life that you don’t want to acknowledge, but until you face them yourself, no matter what you do, your problems will always be there. It’s an extremely bitter pill to swallow.

Did I have fun with Firewatch? I’ll be honest: no, I didn’t. However, I do think that Firewatch most definitely affected me in the way the creators intended to. That’s what makes reviewing this game so difficult, and why it leaves me so conflicted. I truly feel like I can’t give this game a rating. It’s weird, I’ve never run into something like this before. I’m usually able to easily express my opinions, how I came to form them, and rate a game based on them. Firewatch is entitled to all of the credit in the world for making me think and mull over so hard about it. It’s absolutely a worthwhile experience and something to discuss and debate with others, which in all honesty, is one of the highest compliments you could give to art. That being said, I can’t say that it’s a game I enjoyed at all, nor is it one that I think I can fondly reflect on. Maybe it’s because to a degree, I feel called out by it. Maybe it’s because I just can’t get over my immediate reaction of being let down that everyone else has towards the twist and ending. I really don’t know. All I know is that I really don’t like how this game makes me feel.

It's a good little digital storybook. It's not a game at all, but it was fun little thing from Might and Delight developers. I love the artstyle of Might and Delight games, so getting a little storybook from them is amazing. The stories are small short stories about fables about different kind of animals. The fables have good sayings and meanings and it would be great to read for children!

Sure, I could get into what little is known about Sonic Crackers, but perhaps the most remarkable thing about it is how an extremely early alpha build of what would become Chaotix only plays marginally worse than the finished product.

It's still neat as hell that this is out there. I think the Sonic series has played a significant role in people's fascination with video game prototypes, and this might just be the earliest available build of a Sonic game, being in an even more bare and unplayable state than the infamous Simon Wai beta. The most complete zone, which is an industrial themed stage with a vertically oriented level structure, has several variations depicting it at different times of day, and much like Chaotix, it has you darting back and forth as you scale repeating chunks of geometry. It makes sense here where you'd want to pitch the whole dual momentum gimmick, but it's a little depressing to know level design didn't evolve much.

The second zone is carnival themed and largely unplayable due to busted collision issues, and there's a couple overhead maps that seem like they would serve a sort of "adventure field" function but were ultimately scrapped. That's about it. Very novel as a proof-of-concept, though I'm surprised anyone at Sega looked at this and thought "yeah I'll greenlight that" instead of immediately throwing whoever programmed this garbage into an agony booth. I suppose condemning Chaotix to the 32X is meeting in the middle.

It's surprising that none of this has been mined by the bloodsuckers at Sonic Team, who have apparently scratched through the bottom of the barrel and are now incorporating even more obscure beta/prototype elements in their games in a desperate attempt to claw at whatever nostalgia is left. It's not that they have no new ideas, just that 80% of them hinge on you remembering a thing and clapping because you saw that thing again. But maybe it's just a matter of time. I feel like one of these two Zones is either going to show up in a future game or someone will yank all the assets out and do a fan game that serves as a sort of "what if" look at Sonic Crackers had it been built upon in a more linear fashion.

Not rating this because c'mon, it's an alpha build.

we should make this review page the paint drying of backloggd