insuredgecko
1991
Nothing more you could want from a classicvania (aside from cheesy anime cutscenes, but we can't all be rondo of blood). Simon feels solid and surprisingly not too bad to control, the levels are beautiful and colorful, and there's a decent but not overwhelming amount of challenge (as evidenced by the fact that I was able to complete it). Maybe some levels went a bit too hogwild with the new graphical freedoms of the SNES (the ghosts in the treasury for example), but I can't blame them for having a good time.
This review contains spoilers
JANUARY 2024 EDIT: I'm keeping this review up because I still agree with most of what was said, but time has soured my view of this game, and I was definitely too nice to it here. Bear that in mind.
I spent a little while waffling over whether to give this game a 7 or 8 out of 10, before remembering that I gave BOTW an 8 and I don’t feel this game is quite as good as its predecessor. So a 7 it is, though this is really more of a 7.5
Let’s get the obvious out of the way first: you don’t need me to tell you that the gameplay is top notch. It’s like playing BOTW again for the first time (an incredible feeling already), except bigger and better with even more to do. The new features allow for so much creativity, and are a natural fit for the game. BOTW’s design philosophy of “if it works it ain’t stupid” is compounded here, and its a joy to experience. It’s also wonderful to see all the characters and the land of Hyrule again. It really feels like visiting old friends.
Any prerelease promise of traditional Zelda dungeons were out and out lies, but these dungeons are leagues more interesting, both visually and gameplay wise, than the Divine Beasts. The bosses are a return to form as well, playing much more like classic Zelda bosses. The final boss especially is a notable improvement. You can’t just brute force your way through it and it actually looks, well, cool!
Where the game loses me is in its story. I really care about the stories in Zelda games, they’ve told some fantastic and thematically rich ones in the past. But Tears of the Kingdom’s is kind of a mess.
The reason why the memories system worked well in BOTW, at least in my opinion, is that the majority of them weren’t focused on story so much as they were focused on character. Their purpose was to let you get to know Zelda, and care about saving her. And she actually does have a character. She’s bitter about her circumstances and needs time to warm up to Link, but cares deeply and is passionate about her interests. This system does not work as well in TOTK. The memories in this game serve a different goal, they’re intended to show the events of the plot, not give insight into characters. Seeing as you can discover the memories in any order, the whole story loses its impact when you’re seeing it out of order. It’s not confusing, just frustrating. And the characters feel like props moving the story along, not characters in their own right. Characters who become very important (Mineru, I’m talking about Mineru) are difficult to care about like you’re supposed to because they never feel real. This sacrifice in character moments in service to a story that’s damaged by the way it’s told really stings.
And can we talk about that story? How you hear it repeated every single fucking time you complete a dungeon? The past sages provide no new insight and do not tell the story any differently so you just hear the same old thing, over and over. I think it’s a good thing they didn’t try to make the past sages characters, they would have just felt like replacements for the champions, but it means it’s boring as sin to hear them go on.
Speaking of the champions, the new champions sure are there. They all have fine roles in the story, but I can’t help but yearn for more. There’s glimpses into better arcs, but the conclusion of “it’s my entire people’s purpose to assist Link so I’ll do my best!” is uncomfortable to watch happen four times. And on the subject of that conclusion…
Much smarter people than me have talked about the Zelda franchise’s issues with racism and imperialism, but I’ll throw in my two cents. The suggestion that the other races of Hyrule’s purpose is to assist the royal family is an uncomfortable one, and it’s made worse by the fact that Ganondorf is back in this game and. Like that. I shouldn’t need to tell you his design plays on several harmful tropes. At the absolute bare minimum, the vai outfit is gone from the game and you can make Link girlboss with being fetishistic (thank you frostbite set).
I don’t dislike everything the game’s story has to offer, I love the little mysteries about what the fuck Zelda’s been up to (my friends and I took to calling the Zelda imposter Zelwario) and I love everything to do with the light dragon. I wish we got to see Fi, but I know I’m one of maybe a dozen people on earth who wanted to see that, so I understand why it didn’t happen.
I don’t know. I got really invested in the simple yet effective story of BOTW, and it feels like this game is a good example of bigger isn’t always better.
It really speaks to how damn fun this game is that I’d still rank it so highly with so many negative things to say about it. I may have beaten the main story, but I’m nowhere near done with this game. Those Koroks aren’t going to torture themselves.
I spent a little while waffling over whether to give this game a 7 or 8 out of 10, before remembering that I gave BOTW an 8 and I don’t feel this game is quite as good as its predecessor. So a 7 it is, though this is really more of a 7.5
Let’s get the obvious out of the way first: you don’t need me to tell you that the gameplay is top notch. It’s like playing BOTW again for the first time (an incredible feeling already), except bigger and better with even more to do. The new features allow for so much creativity, and are a natural fit for the game. BOTW’s design philosophy of “if it works it ain’t stupid” is compounded here, and its a joy to experience. It’s also wonderful to see all the characters and the land of Hyrule again. It really feels like visiting old friends.
Any prerelease promise of traditional Zelda dungeons were out and out lies, but these dungeons are leagues more interesting, both visually and gameplay wise, than the Divine Beasts. The bosses are a return to form as well, playing much more like classic Zelda bosses. The final boss especially is a notable improvement. You can’t just brute force your way through it and it actually looks, well, cool!
Where the game loses me is in its story. I really care about the stories in Zelda games, they’ve told some fantastic and thematically rich ones in the past. But Tears of the Kingdom’s is kind of a mess.
The reason why the memories system worked well in BOTW, at least in my opinion, is that the majority of them weren’t focused on story so much as they were focused on character. Their purpose was to let you get to know Zelda, and care about saving her. And she actually does have a character. She’s bitter about her circumstances and needs time to warm up to Link, but cares deeply and is passionate about her interests. This system does not work as well in TOTK. The memories in this game serve a different goal, they’re intended to show the events of the plot, not give insight into characters. Seeing as you can discover the memories in any order, the whole story loses its impact when you’re seeing it out of order. It’s not confusing, just frustrating. And the characters feel like props moving the story along, not characters in their own right. Characters who become very important (Mineru, I’m talking about Mineru) are difficult to care about like you’re supposed to because they never feel real. This sacrifice in character moments in service to a story that’s damaged by the way it’s told really stings.
And can we talk about that story? How you hear it repeated every single fucking time you complete a dungeon? The past sages provide no new insight and do not tell the story any differently so you just hear the same old thing, over and over. I think it’s a good thing they didn’t try to make the past sages characters, they would have just felt like replacements for the champions, but it means it’s boring as sin to hear them go on.
Speaking of the champions, the new champions sure are there. They all have fine roles in the story, but I can’t help but yearn for more. There’s glimpses into better arcs, but the conclusion of “it’s my entire people’s purpose to assist Link so I’ll do my best!” is uncomfortable to watch happen four times. And on the subject of that conclusion…
Much smarter people than me have talked about the Zelda franchise’s issues with racism and imperialism, but I’ll throw in my two cents. The suggestion that the other races of Hyrule’s purpose is to assist the royal family is an uncomfortable one, and it’s made worse by the fact that Ganondorf is back in this game and. Like that. I shouldn’t need to tell you his design plays on several harmful tropes. At the absolute bare minimum, the vai outfit is gone from the game and you can make Link girlboss with being fetishistic (thank you frostbite set).
I don’t dislike everything the game’s story has to offer, I love the little mysteries about what the fuck Zelda’s been up to (my friends and I took to calling the Zelda imposter Zelwario) and I love everything to do with the light dragon. I wish we got to see Fi, but I know I’m one of maybe a dozen people on earth who wanted to see that, so I understand why it didn’t happen.
I don’t know. I got really invested in the simple yet effective story of BOTW, and it feels like this game is a good example of bigger isn’t always better.
It really speaks to how damn fun this game is that I’d still rank it so highly with so many negative things to say about it. I may have beaten the main story, but I’m nowhere near done with this game. Those Koroks aren’t going to torture themselves.
2022
I do wish the story mode borrowed a little less from Octo Expansion (it doesn't work as well here as it did there) and dared to be more of its own thing, but the aspects of the story mode that were original (the new idols serving as obstacles instead of new guides, smallfry, the exploring) were great. Deep Cut acting as sort of team rocket figures was fantastic and extremely funny.
As for the online multiplayer, it definitely has issues, but I think it's overall the best the series has been yet. The new map designs are awful, with the shapes being far too simplistic, but the gameplay is as vibrant as ever. The level of customization you have, between your tag and your locker, is super fun and sorts Splatoon very well. Tableturf is a fun addition, and this game overall has a very bright, welcoming community. It's just a ton of fun to sink hours into. A lot of people have complained about connectivity issues, but I didn't experience too many.
It doesn't quite reach the highs of Octo Expansion, but I love this game and I'm excited to see what Side Order brings.
As for the online multiplayer, it definitely has issues, but I think it's overall the best the series has been yet. The new map designs are awful, with the shapes being far too simplistic, but the gameplay is as vibrant as ever. The level of customization you have, between your tag and your locker, is super fun and sorts Splatoon very well. Tableturf is a fun addition, and this game overall has a very bright, welcoming community. It's just a ton of fun to sink hours into. A lot of people have complained about connectivity issues, but I didn't experience too many.
It doesn't quite reach the highs of Octo Expansion, but I love this game and I'm excited to see what Side Order brings.
1990
Kid Dracula is the pinnacle of character design.
As for actual thoughts, this is a fun, charming, and surprisingly challenging little platformer! I played it via the CV Anniversary collection, and noticed the game had a lot of trouble with moving objects. Lots of unpleasant flashing. I also had to beat the final boss twice to see the ending since it glitched out and wouldn’t die the first time. Don’t know if these issues are exclusive to the port, but I figured it was worth mentioning.
As for actual thoughts, this is a fun, charming, and surprisingly challenging little platformer! I played it via the CV Anniversary collection, and noticed the game had a lot of trouble with moving objects. Lots of unpleasant flashing. I also had to beat the final boss twice to see the ending since it glitched out and wouldn’t die the first time. Don’t know if these issues are exclusive to the port, but I figured it was worth mentioning.
This is a perfectly serviceable castlevania game, but it’s hard not to yearn for the far superior design and writing of the previous game. The magic seal system is awful and stinks of “well we have to use the touchscreen somehow”. The crafting system isn’t much better with how awful soul drop rates are. Fortunately the other ds castlevanias are much better.
2013
This is a very difficult game to rate and review. For all the controversy surrounding it, it’s remarkably simple and inoffensive (and nowhere near as heavy as the hefty warning would make you think). It does not accurately reflect my experience with mental illness, but if making it was a helpful experience for the creator, I can respect its existence. It should go without saying it did not deserve the vitriolic reaction it received.
This game is incredibly meaningful to me, and I highly recommend it.
2021
For what it is, this is a very polished and fun short experience. I only wish it was longer.
1989
Tough as nails. I’ve never been less ashamed to use save states, and this is the easier version.
With how daring Simon’s Quest was, it’s a little disappointing this game just went back to Castlevania 1, but bigger and better. But with that being said, this is Castlevania 1 but bigger and better, and Castlevania 1 is a fine game. The visuals and audio are stunning for the time, it’s dripping with atmosphere, and the branching paths and multiple characters are a great touch. It’s difficult to recommend due to just how ball bustingly hard it can be, but if you have the time to master it, why not? It’s better than the Netflix show based on it anyhow.
With how daring Simon’s Quest was, it’s a little disappointing this game just went back to Castlevania 1, but bigger and better. But with that being said, this is Castlevania 1 but bigger and better, and Castlevania 1 is a fine game. The visuals and audio are stunning for the time, it’s dripping with atmosphere, and the branching paths and multiple characters are a great touch. It’s difficult to recommend due to just how ball bustingly hard it can be, but if you have the time to master it, why not? It’s better than the Netflix show based on it anyhow.
I do not think I would have enjoyed this game nearly as much if it didn't come out when. you know
If you told me this was a licensed game from 15 years ago, I'd believe you without a second thought. This game feels like it fell through a wormhole and has absolutely no business having come out in 2023.
The vast majority of the gameplay is puzzles, at least half of which are sliding block puzzles. There's a sliding puzzle boss fight. I can get behind a nice sliding block puzzle every now and then, but right now, I don't think I ever want to see one for a good long while. I really don't mind the idea of using all the different elements to creatively solve some puzzles, but they're just so tedious here.
The combat has a sort of beat em up style, and it's incredibly clunky. It's very easy to stunlock enemies and hit them until they die, with them being unable to do anything. It is equally easy for this to happen to you. Neither of these is fun. Boss fights do not fare much better.
This game is also completely broken. I had to quit and reload during the final boss because a button prompt would not leave the screen and would not respond when that button was pressed. Party members you are not controlling will repeatedly walk into fire. Subtitles are incorrectly timed. There are typos. You can walk on walls if you feel so inclined. The first combustion man fight was running at a cool 2 fps. Characters will address characters who are not present. Sometimes the correct character will pop into existence and then vanish, sometimes even that won't happen. During a race, the game will just sometimes decide you have been hit when you absolutely haven't. Everything is janky as hell, and it was almost fun to see how bad it could get.
And finally, this is also a bizarre adaptation of the show. The framing device is ok, but the choice of which parts to adapt was puzzling. Leaving out things like where the hell the gang met toph but keeping stuff like collecting pentapuses is just odd. A person who hasn't seen the show will be lost and a person who has will be frustrated that they aren't seeing so many iconic moments. It's a lose-lose situation.
All in all, this game has glimmers of effort shining through, but it is ultimately a game for nobody.
The vast majority of the gameplay is puzzles, at least half of which are sliding block puzzles. There's a sliding puzzle boss fight. I can get behind a nice sliding block puzzle every now and then, but right now, I don't think I ever want to see one for a good long while. I really don't mind the idea of using all the different elements to creatively solve some puzzles, but they're just so tedious here.
The combat has a sort of beat em up style, and it's incredibly clunky. It's very easy to stunlock enemies and hit them until they die, with them being unable to do anything. It is equally easy for this to happen to you. Neither of these is fun. Boss fights do not fare much better.
This game is also completely broken. I had to quit and reload during the final boss because a button prompt would not leave the screen and would not respond when that button was pressed. Party members you are not controlling will repeatedly walk into fire. Subtitles are incorrectly timed. There are typos. You can walk on walls if you feel so inclined. The first combustion man fight was running at a cool 2 fps. Characters will address characters who are not present. Sometimes the correct character will pop into existence and then vanish, sometimes even that won't happen. During a race, the game will just sometimes decide you have been hit when you absolutely haven't. Everything is janky as hell, and it was almost fun to see how bad it could get.
And finally, this is also a bizarre adaptation of the show. The framing device is ok, but the choice of which parts to adapt was puzzling. Leaving out things like where the hell the gang met toph but keeping stuff like collecting pentapuses is just odd. A person who hasn't seen the show will be lost and a person who has will be frustrated that they aren't seeing so many iconic moments. It's a lose-lose situation.
All in all, this game has glimmers of effort shining through, but it is ultimately a game for nobody.
2017
I’m amazed my relationship with my siblings is as good as it is
Gameplay wise, it’s almost all here. It feels great to explore the castle, uncover secrets, and experiment with all your options as far as combat goes. If you’re yearning for Castlevania, this will definitely keep you sated. I’m still floored by the amount of content this game offers, I definitely didn’t see everything.
Where the game loses me a bit is in its story. Which isn’t a big deal to everyone, but as someone who loves over analyzing the Castlevania franchise, it’s a little disappointing. It treads well-worn ground without the excuse of demonstrating the cycle of violence Castlevania is about. In particular, it feels a little derivative of Order of Ecclesia, my favorite Castlevania game and one of my favorite games of all time. Disappointing, but no deal breaker.
I’m so happy this game had a chance to be made, and it demonstrated that plenty of people still want some non-linear castles to explore. Can’t wait to see what the future holds!
Where the game loses me a bit is in its story. Which isn’t a big deal to everyone, but as someone who loves over analyzing the Castlevania franchise, it’s a little disappointing. It treads well-worn ground without the excuse of demonstrating the cycle of violence Castlevania is about. In particular, it feels a little derivative of Order of Ecclesia, my favorite Castlevania game and one of my favorite games of all time. Disappointing, but no deal breaker.
I’m so happy this game had a chance to be made, and it demonstrated that plenty of people still want some non-linear castles to explore. Can’t wait to see what the future holds!
The game starts strong, with an intriguing mystery and good interactions between our lead characters (and somehow better models for Phoenix and Maya than the ones in the mainline 3D games?). But the story falls apart the longer it goes on, complete with poorly executed depictions of trauma and suicide, which gives the latter part of the game a bad taste.
The crux of all the game’s problems is Espella, who’s a wholly uninteresting character despite the game’s entire mystery surrounding her. It makes it very difficult to get invested and by the end of the game, I was just waiting for it to be over.
I will say: this game gave us Maya bashing you over the head with a pipe and Luke being absent from the last act because he was busy getting forklift certified is extremely funny.
(Note: since this review was written, I have actually played some Professor Layton, as I was previously only familiar with Ace Attorney. My rating of the game has decreased since, realizing how subpar and derivative the Layton elements of the game are. I was also too generous in general originally.)
The crux of all the game’s problems is Espella, who’s a wholly uninteresting character despite the game’s entire mystery surrounding her. It makes it very difficult to get invested and by the end of the game, I was just waiting for it to be over.
I will say: this game gave us Maya bashing you over the head with a pipe and Luke being absent from the last act because he was busy getting forklift certified is extremely funny.
(Note: since this review was written, I have actually played some Professor Layton, as I was previously only familiar with Ace Attorney. My rating of the game has decreased since, realizing how subpar and derivative the Layton elements of the game are. I was also too generous in general originally.)
1986
The game becomes obscenely difficult in the last few stages, but this is a really solid experience that holds up well. The music is particularly impressive for the time. Not ashamed to admit I used a few save states though, I am not that strong.