jtduckman
1986
I like the setting but even for 1986 this game a lil rough though. Hitboxes are roughly defined, Sayo-chan moves at a very laxidasical pace which makes avoiding things difficult (if the guys that cling to you and mess up your movement touch you, you're already dead). The game also likes to just absolutely throw shit at you from all directions at seemingly random and has plenty of classic "pay up sucker" difficulty spike arcadeisms to it as a whole. Definitely make sure to set the dip switches to the easy mode and/or use save states to make the game much more comfortable. Probably better to just give the SNES sequels/reboots/whatever a play instead of this, cuz unless you are historically curious to play this, its just a pretty standard difficult 80's arcade game painted with a nice youkai setting.
2004
When I saw this game brought up in "best racing games of all time" or hell even "best games of all time" lists, I thought it was exaggerated hyperbole. I thought that this game was likely a good racing game that people overhyped due to the fact that racing games aren't necessarily a genre that people really immerse themselves in. But now that I've played it, I can wholeheartedly say that no, it is not a bit, this shit owns.
So unlike Burnout 2, where your car was fueled by adrenaline, in this game your car is fueled by the blood of your rivals. Sure, you could (and still should!) get boost by driving dangerously, but the real way to earn speed is by ramming your enemies into anything that could turn them from functional race car to smoldering scrap heap. For every takedown, not only does it reward you with a full bar of boost meter, but each takedown multiplies your maximum amount of boost. Slamming into an opponent, watching them smash into a trillion pieces, then zooming away from the crime scene at a billion miles per hour with the boost that it earned just fills me with the most shit-eating-grin ass energy. Even if you are on the receiving end of a takedown, you can still control your midair wrecked car to try and take people out with you, and doing so respawns you with all the benefits of a regular takedown. Everything is engineered to turn races into hyperaggressive deathmatches between a few insane racers in a city trying as hard as they possibly can to kill each other. Absolute banger, a must-play whether you like racing games or not.
Oh, and the soundtrack is entirely made up of the highest-tier 2000s pop punk/alt rock complete with doofy radio station with the most goobery-ass host covering everything that goes on in the game. BASED.
So unlike Burnout 2, where your car was fueled by adrenaline, in this game your car is fueled by the blood of your rivals. Sure, you could (and still should!) get boost by driving dangerously, but the real way to earn speed is by ramming your enemies into anything that could turn them from functional race car to smoldering scrap heap. For every takedown, not only does it reward you with a full bar of boost meter, but each takedown multiplies your maximum amount of boost. Slamming into an opponent, watching them smash into a trillion pieces, then zooming away from the crime scene at a billion miles per hour with the boost that it earned just fills me with the most shit-eating-grin ass energy. Even if you are on the receiving end of a takedown, you can still control your midair wrecked car to try and take people out with you, and doing so respawns you with all the benefits of a regular takedown. Everything is engineered to turn races into hyperaggressive deathmatches between a few insane racers in a city trying as hard as they possibly can to kill each other. Absolute banger, a must-play whether you like racing games or not.
Oh, and the soundtrack is entirely made up of the highest-tier 2000s pop punk/alt rock complete with doofy radio station with the most goobery-ass host covering everything that goes on in the game. BASED.
1976
Gotta admit, there's certainly something humbling about being able to play and easily complete plenty of games on modern consoles with incredibly deep and complex systems and mechanics layered over painstakingly crafted visuals yet get absolutely smacked the fuck down from a 1976 arcade game made out of a bunch of squares and rectangles. This shit is merciless and demands an incredible amount of focus, precision, and pattern recognition if you want to even come close to clearing the board, even with precise analogue controls. You are only granted 3-5 misses to clear 112 blocks where hitting the back 3 rows automatically boosts the ball to fuck-you levels of speed, and somehow surviving long enough to hit the top of the screen shrinks your paddle to nearly the size of the ball. Good luck. It's still certainly addicting to get in a good block-breaking rhythm if you can take the heat, and its really not like theres any real reward or ending for clearing the screen (except for the next screen loading in, which if you manage to end the game on an upwards rebound essentially gives you a free second clear thanks to the ball getting trapped in the top). I def get why this became such a popular title, though i also think i understand why space invaders ended up usurping the block breaker genre (let me shoot these stupid blocks dammit)
2008
Bro i do NOT remember this shit coming out the same year as the first game, i thought it was like at least the next year god DAMN.
Like the name implies,Wii We ski and snowboard is really more of an expansion of the first game instead of a true sequel. Not only is there the titular snowboarding that is included alongside the preexisting skiing, but the character creator has a bit more sauce to it, and they expanded the game to have TWO maps instead of the singular resort in We ski. There's both a brand new ski resort seperate from the first games resort, as well as a harsh mountain in the wilderness, untouched by the domestication of being ski-resortified. The new mountain map really felt like they took the bonus secret run from the first game and made a whole map out of it, which is hella cool. Since skiing both on real mountains and virtually was quite a family pasttime as a kid, this game and its predecessor def share a very "oh fuck yeah" place in my heart.
The ski resort map still plays namco game music through the in-game loudspeakers, they've made peak once again
Like the name implies,
The ski resort map still plays namco game music through the in-game loudspeakers, they've made peak once again
1977
Can I really be that harsh on a mfin atari 2600 launch title that seeks to replicate a simple gambling card game and nothing else? It's exactly what it says on the box, you want blackjack, you get blackjack. Only in the late 70's will you be able to find a card game that you play with a mfin paddle controller. It's pretty cool that this game supports up to four players though, even if its everyone vs the house rather than everyone vs each other. For the launch lineup this is probably one of the more social games in the bunch. You start with 200 chips and the chip counter resets at 1000 so I initially set that as my goal, but after getting to around 750 and then watching the house completely own me with enough back-to-back losses that I was back at basically square one again did I realize that huh yeah maybe this is why I shouldn't get a gambling addiction. Truly a cautionary tale from the dawn of console gaming that nobody seemed to heed, this game ran so Balatro and gacha games could crawl.
2008
I remember seeing this game way back in middle/early high school in all those sites and youtube videos showing "japans SECRET hidden gems that english speakers are TOO LAME to ever experience", and this game was one of the poster-games that kickstarted me actually getting off my ass to hit the books and learn Japanese. The game does have a fan translation, and ironically, that's actually what I ended up playing so the people watching me play could follow along in english.
Firstly, that fan translation. The website says that it's "95% complete" but imma be real with yall and say it's a good thing I actually knew how to read Japanese for when it shows up, because it really felt 75% complete at best. There were all too many times where the english text just gave up and just went back to JPN characters, and while I feel like enough is translated for someone with no japanese understanding whatsoever to fumble through the rough bits, it's certainly not ideal. The translation itself is also quite rough, there's a fair amount of typos and formatting errors. I can't really fault the game for these things, nor can I really dismiss the large amount of work that goes into fan translating a game in the first place, but it is worth pointing out for those that want to try this game out for themselves.
The premise of the game is absolutely me-bait. A game made by the chibi-robo developers that takes place on an island of misfit nintendo characters and you need to help them solve their problems and make their dreams come true as the titular captain rainbow.
The gameplay is quite unique, typical of skip games. There's like two gameplay modes; one where the game is a typical adventure game where you use your items and abilities to interact with and help the islanders with their various troubles. Eventually, once a problem is solved with an islander, a strong bond will be formed with them and they will give you these star collectables, which can also be found throughout the map. Collecting 20 stars will activate a starfall night, where a large star lands somewhere randomly on the island, and if you can find it, bring it to an islander that you have a strong bond with, and take them up to the heavenly star altar, you can ascend them to the stars, where whatever wish they have will come true. While ascending a character does remove them from the game permanently, the game is structured in a way where it both won't ever run out of collectable stars to activate the starfall nights with, nor will ascending a particular character get you stuck in a dead game. Ascend every character, and you get the good ending! Ironically outside of using the occasional ability and his quicker movement speed, there's not actually much use in playing as captain rainbow instead of his alter-ego, Nick, and the Rainbow transformation is on a timer that kills you if it runs out so I really spent most of the time in Captain Rainbow not actually being Captain Rainbow.
And as for the characters themselves, what a lively roster! There's Hikari from Shin Onigashima, Mappo from Giftpia, the soldiers from Famicom Wars, Takamaru from Nazo no Murasamejo, among other weirdoes and wackjobs from Nintendo's back catalogue. They all aren't the deepest of deep cuts, Birdo is a pretty popular Mario character and Little Mac has found new employment in Smash Bros, but most of the pulls are certifiably B-list. Despite the fact that every character has their own legacy's worth of history and background to pull from, surprisingly enough none of it really matters. You could pretty much replace the entire roster of wackjobs with generic equivalents and literally nothing would change whatsoever. You don't have to have played Golf on NES to know the old golfer mans unhygienic lifestyle, or read up on hours of Link's Awakening lore to understand what Crazy Tracy's deal is. It's incredibly beginner friendly for any newcomer to get into without needing to do piles of old Nintendo research, as the links between the characters and their mother IP is, quite literally, trivial. Did you know that Lip, the genki allergy-ridden magical girl in this game, is from Panel de Pon, the Japanese version of Tetris Attack? You don't need to. It doesn't matter.
Love-de-lic derivative games like this usually have some kind of greater message and theme in them, and I'm not entirely sure what this ones message is. The game is mostly about vibing on the island with a bunch of fellow misfits, all with unfulfilled dreams in their hearts and a whole lot of time on their hands. As the game goes on and more and more characters get ascended, things start getting really empty and lonely as there's just nobody around to give the island its energy. But the islanders have goals they want to accomplish, and while it's nice to appreciate the vibes of just being in that stagnant in-between part of life, by the end of the day it's better for everyone to go and make their dreams come true. And if you send someone out to make their dreams come true, they will inevitably come back. I think that's the kind of message the game is trying to convey.
The game certainly has a few qualms (why the hell is that stupid 50 hidden mimin easter egg hunt mandatory), but I did have quite a fun time playing through this game. It has that style of charm that skip/love-de-lic titles usually have, but without very many of the love-de-licisms that drive me crazy. It's just a very comfortable game to just be scooting around helpin people out on mimin island, and I'd definitely recommend giving it a try, jank enough as the English translation may be.
Firstly, that fan translation. The website says that it's "95% complete" but imma be real with yall and say it's a good thing I actually knew how to read Japanese for when it shows up, because it really felt 75% complete at best. There were all too many times where the english text just gave up and just went back to JPN characters, and while I feel like enough is translated for someone with no japanese understanding whatsoever to fumble through the rough bits, it's certainly not ideal. The translation itself is also quite rough, there's a fair amount of typos and formatting errors. I can't really fault the game for these things, nor can I really dismiss the large amount of work that goes into fan translating a game in the first place, but it is worth pointing out for those that want to try this game out for themselves.
The premise of the game is absolutely me-bait. A game made by the chibi-robo developers that takes place on an island of misfit nintendo characters and you need to help them solve their problems and make their dreams come true as the titular captain rainbow.
The gameplay is quite unique, typical of skip games. There's like two gameplay modes; one where the game is a typical adventure game where you use your items and abilities to interact with and help the islanders with their various troubles. Eventually, once a problem is solved with an islander, a strong bond will be formed with them and they will give you these star collectables, which can also be found throughout the map. Collecting 20 stars will activate a starfall night, where a large star lands somewhere randomly on the island, and if you can find it, bring it to an islander that you have a strong bond with, and take them up to the heavenly star altar, you can ascend them to the stars, where whatever wish they have will come true. While ascending a character does remove them from the game permanently, the game is structured in a way where it both won't ever run out of collectable stars to activate the starfall nights with, nor will ascending a particular character get you stuck in a dead game. Ascend every character, and you get the good ending! Ironically outside of using the occasional ability and his quicker movement speed, there's not actually much use in playing as captain rainbow instead of his alter-ego, Nick, and the Rainbow transformation is on a timer that kills you if it runs out so I really spent most of the time in Captain Rainbow not actually being Captain Rainbow.
And as for the characters themselves, what a lively roster! There's Hikari from Shin Onigashima, Mappo from Giftpia, the soldiers from Famicom Wars, Takamaru from Nazo no Murasamejo, among other weirdoes and wackjobs from Nintendo's back catalogue. They all aren't the deepest of deep cuts, Birdo is a pretty popular Mario character and Little Mac has found new employment in Smash Bros, but most of the pulls are certifiably B-list. Despite the fact that every character has their own legacy's worth of history and background to pull from, surprisingly enough none of it really matters. You could pretty much replace the entire roster of wackjobs with generic equivalents and literally nothing would change whatsoever. You don't have to have played Golf on NES to know the old golfer mans unhygienic lifestyle, or read up on hours of Link's Awakening lore to understand what Crazy Tracy's deal is. It's incredibly beginner friendly for any newcomer to get into without needing to do piles of old Nintendo research, as the links between the characters and their mother IP is, quite literally, trivial. Did you know that Lip, the genki allergy-ridden magical girl in this game, is from Panel de Pon, the Japanese version of Tetris Attack? You don't need to. It doesn't matter.
Love-de-lic derivative games like this usually have some kind of greater message and theme in them, and I'm not entirely sure what this ones message is. The game is mostly about vibing on the island with a bunch of fellow misfits, all with unfulfilled dreams in their hearts and a whole lot of time on their hands. As the game goes on and more and more characters get ascended, things start getting really empty and lonely as there's just nobody around to give the island its energy. But the islanders have goals they want to accomplish, and while it's nice to appreciate the vibes of just being in that stagnant in-between part of life, by the end of the day it's better for everyone to go and make their dreams come true. And if you send someone out to make their dreams come true, they will inevitably come back. I think that's the kind of message the game is trying to convey.
The game certainly has a few qualms (why the hell is that stupid 50 hidden mimin easter egg hunt mandatory), but I did have quite a fun time playing through this game. It has that style of charm that skip/love-de-lic titles usually have, but without very many of the love-de-licisms that drive me crazy. It's just a very comfortable game to just be scooting around helpin people out on mimin island, and I'd definitely recommend giving it a try, jank enough as the English translation may be.
2003
okay actually what the fuck? what the dog doin
This games fuckin weird bro. Pretty much every individual part of this game goes for a completely different tone, and it all comes together as the gaming equivalent of eating paste made out of bananas, peas, and sardines. The visuals are made up of reasonably solid looking (albiet framerate-chugging) levels populated by uncanny-looking people. The writing is immensely crass and immature, with a wise-cracking snarky dog interacting with a myriad of cheesy stereotypes with enough poop/fart/sex jokes added in to make any middling dreamworks movie blush. The soundtrack ranges from bumping techno jingles to ambient music that straight up astral projects me to another plane of existence. Our doggy protagonist moves and animates with a shockingly realistic attention to detail compared to other cartoony platformers. It really does feel like the games director, writers, animators, composers, and designers all misunderstood the assignment in their own unique way, making the game an absolute tonal rollercoaster. And that's not even considering the unfittingly eerie and morbid ending.
The thing is though, the actual core game is a pretty solid collectathon, and the more I played it and got used to the serial-killer vibes the game has, the more I honestly enjoyed it. It really did feel like there was a lot of genuine thought in analyzing what dogs do and how to convert them into palpable game mechanics. Like dogs usually just beg, retrieve stuff for people, piss and shit everywhere, dig around in the mud, bark at things, sniff around random places, and eat potentially questionable food from god knows where. All of those aspects of being a dog and more are covered in this game, and the main gameplay of doing dog things to accomplish tasks to earn bones to progress is just as fun as collecting progress mcguffins in any other collectathon.
The game is weird, but it's not half-assed shovelware. If anything, the bizarre vibes make this game certainly hard to ever forget, and I could definitely see this game leaving an impact on me in many different ways if I had played it growing up. It definitely has a cult following, and I can honestly see why. Give it a shot if you enjoy some absolute strange fuckshit. Sasuga europe
This games fuckin weird bro. Pretty much every individual part of this game goes for a completely different tone, and it all comes together as the gaming equivalent of eating paste made out of bananas, peas, and sardines. The visuals are made up of reasonably solid looking (albiet framerate-chugging) levels populated by uncanny-looking people. The writing is immensely crass and immature, with a wise-cracking snarky dog interacting with a myriad of cheesy stereotypes with enough poop/fart/sex jokes added in to make any middling dreamworks movie blush. The soundtrack ranges from bumping techno jingles to ambient music that straight up astral projects me to another plane of existence. Our doggy protagonist moves and animates with a shockingly realistic attention to detail compared to other cartoony platformers. It really does feel like the games director, writers, animators, composers, and designers all misunderstood the assignment in their own unique way, making the game an absolute tonal rollercoaster. And that's not even considering the unfittingly eerie and morbid ending.
The thing is though, the actual core game is a pretty solid collectathon, and the more I played it and got used to the serial-killer vibes the game has, the more I honestly enjoyed it. It really did feel like there was a lot of genuine thought in analyzing what dogs do and how to convert them into palpable game mechanics. Like dogs usually just beg, retrieve stuff for people, piss and shit everywhere, dig around in the mud, bark at things, sniff around random places, and eat potentially questionable food from god knows where. All of those aspects of being a dog and more are covered in this game, and the main gameplay of doing dog things to accomplish tasks to earn bones to progress is just as fun as collecting progress mcguffins in any other collectathon.
The game is weird, but it's not half-assed shovelware. If anything, the bizarre vibes make this game certainly hard to ever forget, and I could definitely see this game leaving an impact on me in many different ways if I had played it growing up. It definitely has a cult following, and I can honestly see why. Give it a shot if you enjoy some absolute strange fuckshit. Sasuga europe
old games should get less relevant as time goes on why the hell is this doing the opposite
1999
God Damn.
The first Tokimemo game was an honest stroke of genius. While it certainly wasn't the first gal game, Konami used their experience in game development to make a social simulator that gamifies the high school experience in a way that combines the snappy, quick, replayable nature of arcade games with the narrative and stat growth systems of then-contemporary console and PC games. With the sequel, Konami set their sights to the goddamn moon. and they actually delivered.
The core gameplay remains unchanged between this game and its predecessor. There's still the fun balancing act of having to juggle academic stats, personal health stats, and relationship stats within your 2 actions per week. The iconic bomb system is here, albeit nerfed a tad (I don't think I had more than one bomb at once to worry about on my playthrough here, whereas tokimemo 1 might as well have been mfin bombergirl). They didn't bother reinventing the game mechanics, instead focusing on bolstering those mechanics with a world as dense and alive as the Playstation 1 could possibly provide.
The cast of characters in this game is much more vibrant and quirky here than in game 1, for better or for worse. It can make the game feel a bit more tropey than the more reserved and down to earth vibes that the first game provided, but it also has a bit more spice in it because of that. There's even a prologue section to establish childhood friend relationships/give the player a personality test that influences stat growth in the proper game, rather than just throwing you into high school with no proper context of your classmates. Despite each character usually having a central trope or gimmick, none of the characters are one-note and have a myriad of different events and situations to enjoy. Each of them live different lifestyles, and as such require completely different approaches. Even the dude side character has gone from the comedic relief sleazeball homie that hooks you up but isn't a threat in the first game to two rival characters that look for love of their own, even potentially competing with you. Hell, they even managed to make a GOOD Ijuuin character!!! Characters are what make or break a game like this, and this game has an extremely strong cast.
The world and overall interaction with it is done with such a bespoke attention to detail, it's crazy. Characters have a myriad of outfits they wear depending on the weather and their affection with you. You can choose which honorifics to use with each character, where calling characters differently at different stages in their relationship yields different results. There's a seasonal brochure you get every few in-game months that lists various timed events and happenings in the area, whether you care about them or not. You can even sacrifice an entire memory cards worth of data to create voice synthesis data for a girl of your choosing to pronounce your name in dialogue. To put the amount of content this game has in terms of detail into comparison here, this game uses a whopping five discs to contain all the different events, interactions, and variations of everything, yet completing a run still only takes 8-10 hours. The world density also makes the game incredibly personal; no two runs will ever be the same. I highly suggest finding someone else to play through the game alongside you to compare and contrast how each of your playthroughs and school lives are going.
Overall, yeah. They took the already incredibly solid base the first game had, and polished it to a wonderful, glistening sheen. The technical culmination of the genre. The gal game to end all gal games. The Gran Turismo 4 of dating sims. With how modern hardware is and game budgets/manpower ballooning to the point they are today, I doubt there could be another game to challenge this games relative scope for its time. It really does feel like konami gave the tokimemo team a blank check to make the best thing they possibly could, and they succeeded. I can't say something like that could ever happen again. Did I also mention that the OST and its many arrangements are absolute bangers?
I have a pretty big backlog to the point where a lot of games I play are one-and-dones, but I can safely say for certain this won't be the last time I play through this game. I've only got Miyuki's ending, there's still so much more to do! An absolute must-play.
The first Tokimemo game was an honest stroke of genius. While it certainly wasn't the first gal game, Konami used their experience in game development to make a social simulator that gamifies the high school experience in a way that combines the snappy, quick, replayable nature of arcade games with the narrative and stat growth systems of then-contemporary console and PC games. With the sequel, Konami set their sights to the goddamn moon. and they actually delivered.
The core gameplay remains unchanged between this game and its predecessor. There's still the fun balancing act of having to juggle academic stats, personal health stats, and relationship stats within your 2 actions per week. The iconic bomb system is here, albeit nerfed a tad (I don't think I had more than one bomb at once to worry about on my playthrough here, whereas tokimemo 1 might as well have been mfin bombergirl). They didn't bother reinventing the game mechanics, instead focusing on bolstering those mechanics with a world as dense and alive as the Playstation 1 could possibly provide.
The cast of characters in this game is much more vibrant and quirky here than in game 1, for better or for worse. It can make the game feel a bit more tropey than the more reserved and down to earth vibes that the first game provided, but it also has a bit more spice in it because of that. There's even a prologue section to establish childhood friend relationships/give the player a personality test that influences stat growth in the proper game, rather than just throwing you into high school with no proper context of your classmates. Despite each character usually having a central trope or gimmick, none of the characters are one-note and have a myriad of different events and situations to enjoy. Each of them live different lifestyles, and as such require completely different approaches. Even the dude side character has gone from the comedic relief sleazeball homie that hooks you up but isn't a threat in the first game to two rival characters that look for love of their own, even potentially competing with you. Hell, they even managed to make a GOOD Ijuuin character!!! Characters are what make or break a game like this, and this game has an extremely strong cast.
The world and overall interaction with it is done with such a bespoke attention to detail, it's crazy. Characters have a myriad of outfits they wear depending on the weather and their affection with you. You can choose which honorifics to use with each character, where calling characters differently at different stages in their relationship yields different results. There's a seasonal brochure you get every few in-game months that lists various timed events and happenings in the area, whether you care about them or not. You can even sacrifice an entire memory cards worth of data to create voice synthesis data for a girl of your choosing to pronounce your name in dialogue. To put the amount of content this game has in terms of detail into comparison here, this game uses a whopping five discs to contain all the different events, interactions, and variations of everything, yet completing a run still only takes 8-10 hours. The world density also makes the game incredibly personal; no two runs will ever be the same. I highly suggest finding someone else to play through the game alongside you to compare and contrast how each of your playthroughs and school lives are going.
Overall, yeah. They took the already incredibly solid base the first game had, and polished it to a wonderful, glistening sheen. The technical culmination of the genre. The gal game to end all gal games. The Gran Turismo 4 of dating sims. With how modern hardware is and game budgets/manpower ballooning to the point they are today, I doubt there could be another game to challenge this games relative scope for its time. It really does feel like konami gave the tokimemo team a blank check to make the best thing they possibly could, and they succeeded. I can't say something like that could ever happen again. Did I also mention that the OST and its many arrangements are absolute bangers?
I have a pretty big backlog to the point where a lot of games I play are one-and-dones, but I can safely say for certain this won't be the last time I play through this game. I've only got Miyuki's ending, there's still so much more to do! An absolute must-play.
2017
gorgeous looking boss rush/run and gun game where the gameplay is challenging yet rewarding, the OST slaps, and calling it a visual treat is an understatement. The bosses are all very challenging multiphased obstacles that will definitely kill you on the first run, and with every death showing how far you progressed in the fight, the game becomes one of optimizing each run to eventually scrape out a W. I think this parallels the struggles of clearing and optimizing runs to beat retro games, except done with 3-minute long bosses rather than 3-hour long games. For this game to have those kinds of feelings in it while staying modern and digestible WHILE ALSO looking and sounding so good, it's no wonder why this game became such a phenomena.
2005
Man, nothing more me-core than "I should play some gizmondo while waiting for fedex to deliver my CD-i" today. I gotta play all like 12 of the games on that thing before it melts, yanno? Honestly this game has no right being this solid when it's stuck as an exclusive for a console more known for being linked to a mafia than being an actual system for playing games.
It's a physics based puzzle game where you knock balls around billiards-style in order to stick em together. If all of a color is stuck together, it clears out and you get points. Clearing all of the balls on a board takes ya to the next level, it's very arcadey. The depth comes from the fact that you have a limited number of shots, though connecting one loose ball to another of its color gets you your shot back. It's all about observing the board and knowing what the best course of action is for getting clear shots in the right order, and honestly given the solid physics there's a lot of player agency on board. Probably a decent skill ceiling, though I can't imagine many other people have played it enough to really wring out any potential depth here, considering the whole "gizmondo exclusive" thing this game has going on. It makes sense that this game is also so solid too, considering the fact it was made by the Pickford Brothers, of Plok and Wetrix fame. Apparently it was going to be a PSP game but somehow got relegated to the ol mafia. As it happens. I guess it got an iOS port though, so hey! that's something. If you are one of the statistically improbable that has a gizmondo, this is probably in the killer app territory. Which really isn't saying much. The game has a really funny name, too!
It's a physics based puzzle game where you knock balls around billiards-style in order to stick em together. If all of a color is stuck together, it clears out and you get points. Clearing all of the balls on a board takes ya to the next level, it's very arcadey. The depth comes from the fact that you have a limited number of shots, though connecting one loose ball to another of its color gets you your shot back. It's all about observing the board and knowing what the best course of action is for getting clear shots in the right order, and honestly given the solid physics there's a lot of player agency on board. Probably a decent skill ceiling, though I can't imagine many other people have played it enough to really wring out any potential depth here, considering the whole "gizmondo exclusive" thing this game has going on. It makes sense that this game is also so solid too, considering the fact it was made by the Pickford Brothers, of Plok and Wetrix fame. Apparently it was going to be a PSP game but somehow got relegated to the ol mafia. As it happens. I guess it got an iOS port though, so hey! that's something. If you are one of the statistically improbable that has a gizmondo, this is probably in the killer app territory. Which really isn't saying much. The game has a really funny name, too!
Definitely an unorthodox game, but considering this games background that's to be expected. You run a blacksmithing weapon shop with your burly mentor figure, forging weapons that various people can use to complete their quests and solve their problems. Forging weapons is done through this strange rhythm minigame where you tap different parts of a molten slab to a rhythm in order to strengthen different stats, but the game really doesn't do a good job explaining how to consistently make weapons with good base stats so it felt like complete RNG as to whether or not the game said I made a dull piece of garbage or a god-slaying masterpiece. Hell, maybe it actually is RNG, who knows.
Rather than outright sell the weapons you make, the shop you run has a weird rental system. Weapons are rented out, and only once your clients clear their quest will they pay you for your services whereas if they fail they both don't give you shit AND lose the weapon you gave out to them. Since weapons level up and grow in stats the more times they are used and successfully return, you definitely want to make sure you assign the right weapons to the right clients or else you might accidentally lose something decent. The weapons are also equipped with the "Grindcast", which is a twitter-like media feed that broadcasts whatever it is that the renters are questing in real time, and it plays all throughout the game (even during the parts where you are focused on something else, which can and will lead to moments where you miss some story beats entirely due to your attention being elsewhere. Maybe if the grindcast was voiced instead of a text log it would have worked better as an in-game podcast but then the rhythm gameplay would be harder and yeah i don't think they really thought that one all the way through). Customers also come in and out of the store as they please, and it gives the game this very passive vibe. Like there's just a lot of downtime as you just kinda work on making and polishing weapons while waiting for the game to send someone in. Or sometimes the game will throw countless random unnamed NPCs at you to rent random shit while you are trying to actually make what you need to make before an actual named important client comes back looking for the weapon you promised them. The pacing is borderline nonexistent and the gameplay almost borders on idle-game territory at points.
The real point of the game though is in its writing. It's clear that the weird rental nature and Grindcast feed system are all in place as a way to keep the player involved with the world and characters despite being confined within the four walls of the weapon shop for the entire game. The game was written and directed by Yoshiyuki Hirai of the Japanese comedy group America Zarigani, so the emphasis is on the gags within the NPCs and the quirks that each of the characters have. That being said, I think that the localization team might have translated some of the gags a bit too literally because the writing felt really dry and the jokes usually tended to fall under a very particular singular sense of humor that I honestly can't even describe in words. A lot of the bits didn't really hit for me, and I honestly can't really tell if that's due to the brand of humor that Hirai has in the first place, the localization team being too direct with their translation, or some combination of both. Even the games ending is a bit that just fell flat on its face to me...
I definitely think the game runs a bit too long for its own good, especially given the downtimey gameplay and flat writing that make the game feel far longer than the roughly 10-hour runtime actually is. Unlike the other Guild games having been developed by established and esteemed developers that have intricate experience on how to make games, this game was made by an entire outsider to the industry and honestly I respect that. Since Hirai has done voicework for other Level5 games I wouldn't be surprised if he got onboard for the project by just pitching this idea for a weapon shop game he thought up some time ago (yet didn't fully think through in a gameplay mechanical sense). You don't really see experimental titles like that from complete outsiders get made very often, stuff like the Mother series, Takeshi's Challenge, Penn & Tellers Smoke and Mirrors, Otocky, etc. Just people that don't typically make games having an off-beat idea and a publisher willing to take a chance on it. Even if the end result might be something that's kinda eh to play and doesn't feel very properly thought-out, I can't hate the ambition and adore how absolutely unique games like this always turn out to be.
Rather than outright sell the weapons you make, the shop you run has a weird rental system. Weapons are rented out, and only once your clients clear their quest will they pay you for your services whereas if they fail they both don't give you shit AND lose the weapon you gave out to them. Since weapons level up and grow in stats the more times they are used and successfully return, you definitely want to make sure you assign the right weapons to the right clients or else you might accidentally lose something decent. The weapons are also equipped with the "Grindcast", which is a twitter-like media feed that broadcasts whatever it is that the renters are questing in real time, and it plays all throughout the game (even during the parts where you are focused on something else, which can and will lead to moments where you miss some story beats entirely due to your attention being elsewhere. Maybe if the grindcast was voiced instead of a text log it would have worked better as an in-game podcast but then the rhythm gameplay would be harder and yeah i don't think they really thought that one all the way through). Customers also come in and out of the store as they please, and it gives the game this very passive vibe. Like there's just a lot of downtime as you just kinda work on making and polishing weapons while waiting for the game to send someone in. Or sometimes the game will throw countless random unnamed NPCs at you to rent random shit while you are trying to actually make what you need to make before an actual named important client comes back looking for the weapon you promised them. The pacing is borderline nonexistent and the gameplay almost borders on idle-game territory at points.
The real point of the game though is in its writing. It's clear that the weird rental nature and Grindcast feed system are all in place as a way to keep the player involved with the world and characters despite being confined within the four walls of the weapon shop for the entire game. The game was written and directed by Yoshiyuki Hirai of the Japanese comedy group America Zarigani, so the emphasis is on the gags within the NPCs and the quirks that each of the characters have. That being said, I think that the localization team might have translated some of the gags a bit too literally because the writing felt really dry and the jokes usually tended to fall under a very particular singular sense of humor that I honestly can't even describe in words. A lot of the bits didn't really hit for me, and I honestly can't really tell if that's due to the brand of humor that Hirai has in the first place, the localization team being too direct with their translation, or some combination of both. Even the games ending is a bit that just fell flat on its face to me...
I definitely think the game runs a bit too long for its own good, especially given the downtimey gameplay and flat writing that make the game feel far longer than the roughly 10-hour runtime actually is. Unlike the other Guild games having been developed by established and esteemed developers that have intricate experience on how to make games, this game was made by an entire outsider to the industry and honestly I respect that. Since Hirai has done voicework for other Level5 games I wouldn't be surprised if he got onboard for the project by just pitching this idea for a weapon shop game he thought up some time ago (yet didn't fully think through in a gameplay mechanical sense). You don't really see experimental titles like that from complete outsiders get made very often, stuff like the Mother series, Takeshi's Challenge, Penn & Tellers Smoke and Mirrors, Otocky, etc. Just people that don't typically make games having an off-beat idea and a publisher willing to take a chance on it. Even if the end result might be something that's kinda eh to play and doesn't feel very properly thought-out, I can't hate the ambition and adore how absolutely unique games like this always turn out to be.
1984
Mechanically for a game on the 2600 this kicks ass, you could have released this on NES with a mild graphical/control facelift and it would have fit in. It's an action platformer with 20 levels to go through of increasing length and complexity. You have an inspector-gadget-ass helicopter helmet that you can use to fly around levels, a laser cannon to destroy enemies, and bombs that you can place to break walls, and there's a power meter that serves as a level timer. My only gripes come from the controls and the level design; I had to pretty much immediately switch to a mega drive controller instead of a 2600 joystick because its really easy to misinput down on the stick and drop a bomb that kills you instantly (i need to buy some new atari controllers ngl...). The way you hover and fly is really weird too in that you have to hold up for like a whole half second before you start flying, and tapping up holds you in place for like a half second if you are falling. Considering the fact that roderick hero over here has a rather swift movement and falling speed, the delay between flying and falling can and will absolutely fuck you up at points. I wish they went for a more like lunar-lander style of physics and momentum system with flight instead of the 3 phases of flying, hovering, and falling that you can slugglishly toggle between. The level designer is also an asshole starting from like level 7 onwards, with levels that know exactly the limitations of your moveset and will capitalize on your weaknesses in a very dirty way. You can't shoot things below you, so there are lots of holes with enemies under them that work as dead ends in a sort. There are also enemies placed precisely where you'd go if you need to charge up your flying ability, and so many holes where your high fall speed will launch you into a block of lava before you can even register what is going on. It's difficult, but in the way of just needing to memorize the whole level layouts to mitigate any of the designers nonsense. The point threshold to become part of the Order of the H.E.R.O. is honestly pretty low at only 75k, which on a decent run you'd get that much by level 13. Honestly pretty crazy to see a game of such solid quality right in the dark year of 1984 between the big Atari Shock and the release of the NES. Makes ya wonder what other games could have existed to expand upon early 80's hardware if everyone didn't panic pull out from the market then.
I want whoever decided the roster for this game to decide the rosters for every fighting game, it's wack but also hype. Due to the fact that this is made by SNK like post-bankruptcy, it's full of jank and doesn't play very well. The AI is also nonsensically difficult to fight so good luck ever trying to get the good ending. That being said, the jank and weirdness of this game is exactly what makes it memorable and it's absolutely something you gotta play if you like either capcom or SNK fighters. Just some weird kusoge good shit yanno
was it fucking worth it?
As I am writing this right now, my car is perched atop a bus station, watching endless amounts of police cars slam themselves into the pillars below me as i rest motionless. Once I've rested long enough for the timer and bounty counts to reach their arbitrarily high numbers, I will retreat back into the bus station on a raised platform, where either the police will not realize what I am attempting to pull and they will remain under me at a length just far enough for the game to consider myself having evaded the cops, or they will catch onto my shenanigans, drive up to my platform, and catch me red-handed, putting the past 20 minutes or so of idling to waste, and forcing me to start over from square one. Yep, that's me. You are probably wondering how I got here, so allow me to explain.
I've been quite the fan of racing games these past few years, so I've been giving the NFS series a solid go. I've heard from many people that Most Wanted '05 was the pinnacle of the series, the thrilling fan-favorite before the slow but certain decline. "The cop chases are awesome", I've heard. After hearing all the hype, I grabbed myself a (surprisingly pricy all things considered) copy of the "definitive" Xbox 360 version, played through the Underground duology for context, and went to driving. The thing about this game is that it's strongest and most unique improvements are also the sharpest double-edged sword that makes this game so much less enjoyable compared to it's predacessors imo.
The game itself is pretty similar to the previous years NFS, Underground 2, albiet with some additions and changes. The open world is still there, though the game now offers a menu to just quick-jump to races instead of needing to spend time driving to waypoints. It definitely gives the game a much snappier pace to it, at the cost of making the free roam mode almost entirely optional unless you need to go to a car shop (and even then I found the fastest way to do that is to just go back to the safe house and use the shops right next to it). The races still feel just as weighty and solid as previous titles, cars still feel good to drive, and the drift/streetcross events are omitted from previous games. The dreaded drag race events are regrettably still here, but they are so few and far between that it's really not much of an issue imo. The races are still as fun as ever, and like Underground 2 the racing difficulty strikes a nice balance in never making you too far ahead, but also not going turbo overboard like Underground 1 did with the rubber banding. Races are still fun and cool!
The vibe of this game is also entirely different from previous games. We have gone full 7th gen mid-2000s edgy punk vibes by now, baby. This game is DRENCHED with that iconic Xbox 360 piss filter, races take place in a shady, dirgy, late-afternoon city rather than the neon-lit night life vibes that the Underground games carried. The muddy pallete isn't to say that this game is bland, it's still quite stylized after the dirty vibes that they are going for. Whenever you clear an event, the game shows a picture of your car at the time of winning, shown through various dynamic camera angles depending on how you finished, all shown through a detailed background of asphalt and concrete. The game has more of an edgy plot this time around; it's a revenge story. Your unnamed street racer man is doing street racer things when this sunnuvabitch challenges you, cheats the race by rigging your car beforehand, tries to steal your girl, and gets to the top of the street underworld using YOUR ride. It's up to you to rise up the hooligan leaderboards by taking out the top 15 racers to finally give that mfer a piece of your mind. Essentially, this is car-themed No More Heroes. Instead of the CG cutscenes of the previous games, this uses live-action FMV actors for the cutscenes and it is gloriously cheesy. Each member of the Blacklist has their own intro that looks like it came straight out of a trashy MTV reality show, complete with stylized graffiti tags for every member. The cheesy cutscenes if anything felt more like the series was going back to its roots on the 3DO, as the very first Need For Speed game had quite similiarly playful live-action cutscenes. My only wish was that the game could have had more to show in its narrative, as most of the cutscenes are at the very beginning of the game. It certainly knows how to set the mood really damn well though!
All of this falls apart with the newest gimmick this game offers; the famous cop chases. Cop chases are an iconic aspect of the original Need for Speed games, so this game brings them back after their absense in the Underground games. Sometimes while minding your own business, a cop can find you and instigate a cop chase. Evading the cops for long enough gets your heat gauge up, which gets more cops to show up until the game reaches cartoonish levels of police activity, flooding your screen with so many cops wanting to ram your ass you'd think you are playing Dynasty Warriors in Detroit. Cops can also sometimes rear their heads into you mid-race which turns things chaotic as now you have to handle both your opposition as well as your newfound persuers. All of this sounds good on paper, and at first the chases were really fun to do! The problem comes from the persuit milestones. In order to deem yourself worthy to challenge the next Blacklist opponent, you need to pass these arbitrary challenges, and they just get increasingly rediculous as time goes on. Stuff like "ram into 25 different police vehicles", "bypass 12 different police blockades", "stay in a persuit for longer than 13 minutes", etc. What's annoying about it it feels like the point of the higher heat levels feels more like a timer system a-la old arcade games making a higher effort to kill you the longer you linger, yet the milestones feel like they are set at directly counterintuitive goals, focused on farming RNG elements that are usually outside of your control (like when and where blockades spawn, or how many of certain cop cars can show up). Make a mistake and get busted, and you lose all of your progress for that chase, which gets REALLY frustrating when you lose 15+ minutes of chase progress to something stupid like a random truck in traffic running into you or a slightly uneven piece of terrain geometry catches you up. Get busted too many times, and you lose your car, and if you lose all your cars it's game over, so there's a significant punishment to messing up chases. I can understand why people see the high difficulty as a good sense of tension, but I really HATE it when games make me feel like I'm wasting my time, and the chases in this game felt so much like that. It never felt like whenever I got busted that it was a mistake on my end, but rather just some unfortunate circumstance that happened from the game deciding my time was up and launching 5 different waves of suicidal armored police SUVs on my ass that launch me into the pirhana pit of 20 cops chasing my ass. Like imagine playing Pac Man, but every minute the game adds another ghost to avoid, and the game just gives you dumb objectives like "eat 30 ghosts", forcing you to linger until things get too much. Eventually things got too much for me, and Need for Speed: Most Wanted became Need to Cheese: the Wanted System as I learned about the handy Bus Stop exploit that I have been using this whole time. And even then, sometimes the bus stop trick doesn't work and your time gets wasted anyways!!!! The only way to leave cop chases is to escape or get busted too, there's not even an option to quit to the menu in the pause screen so if a cop comes when you are trying to do something else enjoy having your time wasted!!!!!!! gaming!!!!!!!!
Idk man, this game certainly has vibes but the cop chases just made this game absolutely sour for me. I think I've come to realize from playing this and the Underground games that these games aren't really designed with the premise of actually being "cleared", and the fun comes more from being able to just drive around and vibe in the game. Because in my times playing any of these games so far, I've noticed that they revel in dragging themselves out way too far, wasting any progess-seeking players time. For every time I was vibing with the races and aesthetics, I was absolutely livid with frustration at watching my sweet time go to deadass nothing. The Blacklist 15 could have been the blacklist 10 and the point would have still made its way across imo.
Anyways, I was able to make it through that final cop milestone, so time to finish this game. I noticed one of the cop cars try to drive up and bust me while I was writing this, but they backed up and left on their own instead. Perhaps the game has finally taken pity on me, and realized enough has been enough. Usually I don't write reviews of stuff before having seen the credits roll, but I feel at this point my opinions have solidified and by the time anyone reads this, the deed will have been done.
As I am writing this right now, my car is perched atop a bus station, watching endless amounts of police cars slam themselves into the pillars below me as i rest motionless. Once I've rested long enough for the timer and bounty counts to reach their arbitrarily high numbers, I will retreat back into the bus station on a raised platform, where either the police will not realize what I am attempting to pull and they will remain under me at a length just far enough for the game to consider myself having evaded the cops, or they will catch onto my shenanigans, drive up to my platform, and catch me red-handed, putting the past 20 minutes or so of idling to waste, and forcing me to start over from square one. Yep, that's me. You are probably wondering how I got here, so allow me to explain.
I've been quite the fan of racing games these past few years, so I've been giving the NFS series a solid go. I've heard from many people that Most Wanted '05 was the pinnacle of the series, the thrilling fan-favorite before the slow but certain decline. "The cop chases are awesome", I've heard. After hearing all the hype, I grabbed myself a (surprisingly pricy all things considered) copy of the "definitive" Xbox 360 version, played through the Underground duology for context, and went to driving. The thing about this game is that it's strongest and most unique improvements are also the sharpest double-edged sword that makes this game so much less enjoyable compared to it's predacessors imo.
The game itself is pretty similar to the previous years NFS, Underground 2, albiet with some additions and changes. The open world is still there, though the game now offers a menu to just quick-jump to races instead of needing to spend time driving to waypoints. It definitely gives the game a much snappier pace to it, at the cost of making the free roam mode almost entirely optional unless you need to go to a car shop (and even then I found the fastest way to do that is to just go back to the safe house and use the shops right next to it). The races still feel just as weighty and solid as previous titles, cars still feel good to drive, and the drift/streetcross events are omitted from previous games. The dreaded drag race events are regrettably still here, but they are so few and far between that it's really not much of an issue imo. The races are still as fun as ever, and like Underground 2 the racing difficulty strikes a nice balance in never making you too far ahead, but also not going turbo overboard like Underground 1 did with the rubber banding. Races are still fun and cool!
The vibe of this game is also entirely different from previous games. We have gone full 7th gen mid-2000s edgy punk vibes by now, baby. This game is DRENCHED with that iconic Xbox 360 piss filter, races take place in a shady, dirgy, late-afternoon city rather than the neon-lit night life vibes that the Underground games carried. The muddy pallete isn't to say that this game is bland, it's still quite stylized after the dirty vibes that they are going for. Whenever you clear an event, the game shows a picture of your car at the time of winning, shown through various dynamic camera angles depending on how you finished, all shown through a detailed background of asphalt and concrete. The game has more of an edgy plot this time around; it's a revenge story. Your unnamed street racer man is doing street racer things when this sunnuvabitch challenges you, cheats the race by rigging your car beforehand, tries to steal your girl, and gets to the top of the street underworld using YOUR ride. It's up to you to rise up the hooligan leaderboards by taking out the top 15 racers to finally give that mfer a piece of your mind. Essentially, this is car-themed No More Heroes. Instead of the CG cutscenes of the previous games, this uses live-action FMV actors for the cutscenes and it is gloriously cheesy. Each member of the Blacklist has their own intro that looks like it came straight out of a trashy MTV reality show, complete with stylized graffiti tags for every member. The cheesy cutscenes if anything felt more like the series was going back to its roots on the 3DO, as the very first Need For Speed game had quite similiarly playful live-action cutscenes. My only wish was that the game could have had more to show in its narrative, as most of the cutscenes are at the very beginning of the game. It certainly knows how to set the mood really damn well though!
All of this falls apart with the newest gimmick this game offers; the famous cop chases. Cop chases are an iconic aspect of the original Need for Speed games, so this game brings them back after their absense in the Underground games. Sometimes while minding your own business, a cop can find you and instigate a cop chase. Evading the cops for long enough gets your heat gauge up, which gets more cops to show up until the game reaches cartoonish levels of police activity, flooding your screen with so many cops wanting to ram your ass you'd think you are playing Dynasty Warriors in Detroit. Cops can also sometimes rear their heads into you mid-race which turns things chaotic as now you have to handle both your opposition as well as your newfound persuers. All of this sounds good on paper, and at first the chases were really fun to do! The problem comes from the persuit milestones. In order to deem yourself worthy to challenge the next Blacklist opponent, you need to pass these arbitrary challenges, and they just get increasingly rediculous as time goes on. Stuff like "ram into 25 different police vehicles", "bypass 12 different police blockades", "stay in a persuit for longer than 13 minutes", etc. What's annoying about it it feels like the point of the higher heat levels feels more like a timer system a-la old arcade games making a higher effort to kill you the longer you linger, yet the milestones feel like they are set at directly counterintuitive goals, focused on farming RNG elements that are usually outside of your control (like when and where blockades spawn, or how many of certain cop cars can show up). Make a mistake and get busted, and you lose all of your progress for that chase, which gets REALLY frustrating when you lose 15+ minutes of chase progress to something stupid like a random truck in traffic running into you or a slightly uneven piece of terrain geometry catches you up. Get busted too many times, and you lose your car, and if you lose all your cars it's game over, so there's a significant punishment to messing up chases. I can understand why people see the high difficulty as a good sense of tension, but I really HATE it when games make me feel like I'm wasting my time, and the chases in this game felt so much like that. It never felt like whenever I got busted that it was a mistake on my end, but rather just some unfortunate circumstance that happened from the game deciding my time was up and launching 5 different waves of suicidal armored police SUVs on my ass that launch me into the pirhana pit of 20 cops chasing my ass. Like imagine playing Pac Man, but every minute the game adds another ghost to avoid, and the game just gives you dumb objectives like "eat 30 ghosts", forcing you to linger until things get too much. Eventually things got too much for me, and Need for Speed: Most Wanted became Need to Cheese: the Wanted System as I learned about the handy Bus Stop exploit that I have been using this whole time. And even then, sometimes the bus stop trick doesn't work and your time gets wasted anyways!!!! The only way to leave cop chases is to escape or get busted too, there's not even an option to quit to the menu in the pause screen so if a cop comes when you are trying to do something else enjoy having your time wasted!!!!!!! gaming!!!!!!!!
Idk man, this game certainly has vibes but the cop chases just made this game absolutely sour for me. I think I've come to realize from playing this and the Underground games that these games aren't really designed with the premise of actually being "cleared", and the fun comes more from being able to just drive around and vibe in the game. Because in my times playing any of these games so far, I've noticed that they revel in dragging themselves out way too far, wasting any progess-seeking players time. For every time I was vibing with the races and aesthetics, I was absolutely livid with frustration at watching my sweet time go to deadass nothing. The Blacklist 15 could have been the blacklist 10 and the point would have still made its way across imo.
Anyways, I was able to make it through that final cop milestone, so time to finish this game. I noticed one of the cop cars try to drive up and bust me while I was writing this, but they backed up and left on their own instead. Perhaps the game has finally taken pity on me, and realized enough has been enough. Usually I don't write reviews of stuff before having seen the credits roll, but I feel at this point my opinions have solidified and by the time anyone reads this, the deed will have been done.