maeam
2023
i absolutely adore rhythm games. i love Spin Rhythm XD (2019), which is one of my favorite “pure” rhythm games, thoroughly enjoy Crypt of the Necrodancer (2015), have dabbled in Osu! (2007) a little bit before, and enjoy me some classics like Guitar Hero and PaRappa the Rapper (1996). i also love me some action games. granted, i’ve never played any Devil May Cry-adjacent game, but i really enjoy reflex-based experiences. yet, this isn’t actually the first time i’ve played a game that marries together rhythm and action! i have played a whopping TWO hours of BPM: Bullets Per Minute (2020), which is an action-roguelite/fps/rhythm game. i absolutely adore the concept of linking together dynamic, fast-paced situations with the beat of a song, but BPM didn’t really do it for me. enter: Hi-Fi Rush (2023)
that’s right. it’s time to Hi-Fi Gush about Hi-Fi Rush. (mae ain’t pick the verbs.)
this game very quickly earned a spot in my top 10 favorite games of all time. it is pure sex from every angle. i love the vibes, the visuals, the characters, and the fun, albeit simple story. it truly checks all of my boxes. yes, you could argue that sometimes the humor is a little too “erm, that just happened”, but for the most part, i do be giggling like a little idiot at every facet of this game, and not just the jokes. so many things are just absolutely delightful. the environment pulsing to the beat, the mini-cutscenes of Chai and 808 in between waves, and who knew that all quick-time events needed to be fun was synchronization with the music??? like yeah, mae that’s uhh what a rhythm game is. you're just QTEing constantly, but here it's soooo damn satisfying and oozing with style that i felt child-like joy throughout the vast majority of the game.
it is a universally known fact about letter-based scoring schemes that being able to spell out ASS on the score screen is the highest honor you can achieve. it doesn’t get better than that, folks. uh, sorry my “producer” (if you can even call him that) is trying to tell me that SSS is the best you can do. not really sure what that’s about. SERIOUS MODE. it is an extremely rare occurrence for me to actually enjoy going for high scores. the idea of combos is usually so frightening to me. they’re complex, and i often fall into the trap of just mashing, completely destroying the purpose of having a well-defined combo system in the first place. Hi-Fi Hi-Fixes that (admittedly skill) issue through the nature of syncing to the beat. you’ve pretty much just got a couple buttons when it comes to the basic attacks. light (L) and heavy (H). you start out with just some chill easy to remember combos at your disposal. wanna hit a dude quick? LLLL, my friend. have a bit more time to really bonk a bot? HHH. essentially all of the core combos in the game are just permutations of L’s and H’s. but, what’s that you say??? to do something like HHH, you don’t just do H on beat 1, then H on beat 2, then H on beat 3? nope! game design win inbound: light attacks take one beat, heavy attacks take two. whaaat???? “holy shit, you mean the heavy attacks are heavier and thus take longer, ms. maeam from backloggd.com???” yep. as a consequence of this, the timing of EVERYTHING is hardwired into your brain. “how many frames does the tremolo attack have to start-up? blah blah blah” you don’t need to know. you know that its HLL, so,, a total of 4,,, plus the three until the beat hit. whaaaat?? “a beat hit?? maeam from backloggd.com, you buried the lead, you sly dog!” don’t talk to me like that, i don’t know you. anyways, yes. at the end of basically every combo is a three-beat countdown with an Osu circle to the final big hit of the combo. except,,, you can instead shmix on em and substitute that final hit with a unique, context-sensitive move from your currently selected partner. i don’t want to go into partners too much for spoiler reasons, but i will say this. by the end of the game, you can use partners SOOO frequently that “optimal” gameplay involves a bajillion people saying voice lines and doing a quick little attack and then recharging in like 5 seconds. obviously, you can just not do that, but like,,, it’s kinda funny, if not a little overwhelming. to wrap all this fighting up, the game does a fantastic job of easing you into the game’s mechanics. you don’t learn the parry move until like stage 4, and you have to purchase the vast majority of the combos and counters and special partner moves. this is really good! you don’t even technically have to follow the beat early on, and you don’t feel like you have to memorize everything right out of the gate. there were a couple times where i technically had the currency to purchase a new combo, but i said “nope. i wanna get more comfortable with what i have first” and that is such a blessing. a rare combo system i love to interact with. for real, i be goin like LLHHH+LHLH (goated combo) and shittt. also. the multiple-parry sequences with bosses and more significant enemies are a fantastic bite-sized helping of Rhythm Heaven. i played through the whole game on hard mode without streamer mode turned on for a first playthrough, and it was a consistently challenging, yet rewarding experience.
the stages, er,, tracks, as the game calls them. they’re pretty fuckin neat. rather than enemies just being continuously spread out across every single possible part of the level, they’re in discrete mini-arenas (called Choruses), which helps isolate battles from platforming; you’re never worried about some robozo (robo bozo) waiting to clock you on a ledge. on the subject of platforming, i have some reservations. the exact same movement system functions for both fighting and platforming, which makes sense! you’re not stepping into an arena and then suddenly worried about Chai controlling in a completely different way. however, i feel as though the Chai’s movement physics are far more geared towards combat than they are navigating a 3D space with obstacles. that’s not to say that it’s complete dogshit, but while it may feel really nice and snappy to have Chai have a super high fall-speed when you’re fighting, it feels weirdly clunky when you’re trying to jump from platform to platform. there’s a bit of end lag when you land too, adding to why it doesn’t necessarily feel as fluid as i would like. the beat is constantly going even when you’re not in battle, and you can jump when not on beat, but that just kinda feels bad. at the same time, i think that cycle-based platforming is automatically elevated to a higher level when it’s aligned to rhythm, such as with the cassettes in Celeste (2018). as i mentioned before, there’s some actually fun QTEs to break up the levels, and of course, a bottomless well of charm and silly antics that bring a smile to my face every time. there’s also some secrets here and there, as well as numerous reasons to return to previous levels on replay that i have not yet explored myself.
the art direction (and the characters). hoo boy, the art direction (and the characters). i like em! there's a lot of visual flair with onomatopoeias, the environment, and the general aesthetic. the game frequently transitions completely fluidly between 3D cutscene, gameplay, and even 2D cutscenes at times. it’s drool worthy. the character designs are absolutely fantastic!! world’s first “Handsome Jack” type individual. jojo’s bizarre adventure. cinnamon without the toast crunch. HR? nah, that’s noir. there’s a satisfying range. Korsica and Peppermint, my beloved. there’s some FANTASTIC English voice acting in this game, especially for those two. 808 is probably one of the cutest fucking things in any game ever. on a slightly different note, i was not expecting this game to incite bisexual panic in me. as embarrassing as it feels to say: yes, i even have a tiny crush on Chai. silly people do me in. sue me or something. for real though, it’s a great cast of characters that doesn’t take itself too seriously. love the stuff. i’ve even got a Korisca pfp at my time of reviewing this. overwhelmingly gender. i wish she would hit me over the head.
i’m hoping to finish this review before Monday 3, so i’ll wrap it up. Hi-Fi Rush is a fantastic game that had me gripped from the start of the opening cutscene to the end of the credits. i can not think of a more transformative gaming experience that i have had in the past several months. yet, there’s still SO much more that i have left to do in the game! there’s a wall of fame with a bunch of optional challenges that give you tangible rewards in terms of currency, but also adds new portions of the mural, which is a great way of incentivizing completion outside of simply ‘having done it’. beating the game unlocks a suite of new features and modes, and even a new difficulty. needless to say, I WILL BE RETURNING TO THESE HALLOWED HALLS OF BEATS AND BRAWLS. CAPSLOCK IS BROKEN! MAE WORKS HARD AND TYPES HARD!
fuck you, michaelsoft, if that’s even your real name.
that’s right. it’s time to Hi-Fi Gush about Hi-Fi Rush. (mae ain’t pick the verbs.)
this game very quickly earned a spot in my top 10 favorite games of all time. it is pure sex from every angle. i love the vibes, the visuals, the characters, and the fun, albeit simple story. it truly checks all of my boxes. yes, you could argue that sometimes the humor is a little too “erm, that just happened”, but for the most part, i do be giggling like a little idiot at every facet of this game, and not just the jokes. so many things are just absolutely delightful. the environment pulsing to the beat, the mini-cutscenes of Chai and 808 in between waves, and who knew that all quick-time events needed to be fun was synchronization with the music??? like yeah, mae that’s uhh what a rhythm game is. you're just QTEing constantly, but here it's soooo damn satisfying and oozing with style that i felt child-like joy throughout the vast majority of the game.
it is a universally known fact about letter-based scoring schemes that being able to spell out ASS on the score screen is the highest honor you can achieve. it doesn’t get better than that, folks. uh, sorry my “producer” (if you can even call him that) is trying to tell me that SSS is the best you can do. not really sure what that’s about. SERIOUS MODE. it is an extremely rare occurrence for me to actually enjoy going for high scores. the idea of combos is usually so frightening to me. they’re complex, and i often fall into the trap of just mashing, completely destroying the purpose of having a well-defined combo system in the first place. Hi-Fi Hi-Fixes that (admittedly skill) issue through the nature of syncing to the beat. you’ve pretty much just got a couple buttons when it comes to the basic attacks. light (L) and heavy (H). you start out with just some chill easy to remember combos at your disposal. wanna hit a dude quick? LLLL, my friend. have a bit more time to really bonk a bot? HHH. essentially all of the core combos in the game are just permutations of L’s and H’s. but, what’s that you say??? to do something like HHH, you don’t just do H on beat 1, then H on beat 2, then H on beat 3? nope! game design win inbound: light attacks take one beat, heavy attacks take two. whaaat???? “holy shit, you mean the heavy attacks are heavier and thus take longer, ms. maeam from backloggd.com???” yep. as a consequence of this, the timing of EVERYTHING is hardwired into your brain. “how many frames does the tremolo attack have to start-up? blah blah blah” you don’t need to know. you know that its HLL, so,, a total of 4,,, plus the three until the beat hit. whaaaat?? “a beat hit?? maeam from backloggd.com, you buried the lead, you sly dog!” don’t talk to me like that, i don’t know you. anyways, yes. at the end of basically every combo is a three-beat countdown with an Osu circle to the final big hit of the combo. except,,, you can instead shmix on em and substitute that final hit with a unique, context-sensitive move from your currently selected partner. i don’t want to go into partners too much for spoiler reasons, but i will say this. by the end of the game, you can use partners SOOO frequently that “optimal” gameplay involves a bajillion people saying voice lines and doing a quick little attack and then recharging in like 5 seconds. obviously, you can just not do that, but like,,, it’s kinda funny, if not a little overwhelming. to wrap all this fighting up, the game does a fantastic job of easing you into the game’s mechanics. you don’t learn the parry move until like stage 4, and you have to purchase the vast majority of the combos and counters and special partner moves. this is really good! you don’t even technically have to follow the beat early on, and you don’t feel like you have to memorize everything right out of the gate. there were a couple times where i technically had the currency to purchase a new combo, but i said “nope. i wanna get more comfortable with what i have first” and that is such a blessing. a rare combo system i love to interact with. for real, i be goin like LLHHH+LHLH (goated combo) and shittt. also. the multiple-parry sequences with bosses and more significant enemies are a fantastic bite-sized helping of Rhythm Heaven. i played through the whole game on hard mode without streamer mode turned on for a first playthrough, and it was a consistently challenging, yet rewarding experience.
the stages, er,, tracks, as the game calls them. they’re pretty fuckin neat. rather than enemies just being continuously spread out across every single possible part of the level, they’re in discrete mini-arenas (called Choruses), which helps isolate battles from platforming; you’re never worried about some robozo (robo bozo) waiting to clock you on a ledge. on the subject of platforming, i have some reservations. the exact same movement system functions for both fighting and platforming, which makes sense! you’re not stepping into an arena and then suddenly worried about Chai controlling in a completely different way. however, i feel as though the Chai’s movement physics are far more geared towards combat than they are navigating a 3D space with obstacles. that’s not to say that it’s complete dogshit, but while it may feel really nice and snappy to have Chai have a super high fall-speed when you’re fighting, it feels weirdly clunky when you’re trying to jump from platform to platform. there’s a bit of end lag when you land too, adding to why it doesn’t necessarily feel as fluid as i would like. the beat is constantly going even when you’re not in battle, and you can jump when not on beat, but that just kinda feels bad. at the same time, i think that cycle-based platforming is automatically elevated to a higher level when it’s aligned to rhythm, such as with the cassettes in Celeste (2018). as i mentioned before, there’s some actually fun QTEs to break up the levels, and of course, a bottomless well of charm and silly antics that bring a smile to my face every time. there’s also some secrets here and there, as well as numerous reasons to return to previous levels on replay that i have not yet explored myself.
the art direction (and the characters). hoo boy, the art direction (and the characters). i like em! there's a lot of visual flair with onomatopoeias, the environment, and the general aesthetic. the game frequently transitions completely fluidly between 3D cutscene, gameplay, and even 2D cutscenes at times. it’s drool worthy. the character designs are absolutely fantastic!! world’s first “Handsome Jack” type individual. jojo’s bizarre adventure. cinnamon without the toast crunch. HR? nah, that’s noir. there’s a satisfying range. Korsica and Peppermint, my beloved. there’s some FANTASTIC English voice acting in this game, especially for those two. 808 is probably one of the cutest fucking things in any game ever. on a slightly different note, i was not expecting this game to incite bisexual panic in me. as embarrassing as it feels to say: yes, i even have a tiny crush on Chai. silly people do me in. sue me or something. for real though, it’s a great cast of characters that doesn’t take itself too seriously. love the stuff. i’ve even got a Korisca pfp at my time of reviewing this. overwhelmingly gender. i wish she would hit me over the head.
i’m hoping to finish this review before Monday 3, so i’ll wrap it up. Hi-Fi Rush is a fantastic game that had me gripped from the start of the opening cutscene to the end of the credits. i can not think of a more transformative gaming experience that i have had in the past several months. yet, there’s still SO much more that i have left to do in the game! there’s a wall of fame with a bunch of optional challenges that give you tangible rewards in terms of currency, but also adds new portions of the mural, which is a great way of incentivizing completion outside of simply ‘having done it’. beating the game unlocks a suite of new features and modes, and even a new difficulty. needless to say, I WILL BE RETURNING TO THESE HALLOWED HALLS OF BEATS AND BRAWLS. CAPSLOCK IS BROKEN! MAE WORKS HARD AND TYPES HARD!
fuck you, michaelsoft, if that’s even your real name.
to start off, i think i wouldn’t be doing my due diligence if i didn’t mention the fact that i do have some nostalgia for this game, specifically for the original N64 version. even though i was born after the original came out, it was still a formative part of my childhood. i have many memories playing OOT on the N64 at my grandparents’ house with my sister, and even though i never got very far at that time (i was bad), it was still very special to me. fast forward some years, and i did finally beat OOT on Wii Virtual Console with my sister. i've loved zelda games in general for basically my whole life. i was link for halloween twice. i have a vivid memory of when i whistled the song of storms at my sister’s baseball game and it actually started raining. i was like 8, and i had to convince myself i didn't have magic powers of some sort. needless to say, this game and this franchise is immensely important to me.
yeah, this game still fucks (original thought is dead!!! long live original thought!!!). to be fair, i have watched so many goddamn randomizers of the original game, so it’s not like i was returning to a world long forgotten by my little decrepit 20-something mind, but still. fucks.
obviously, the biggest points to make about this game come from what’s new and fresh in the remake. i would not classify myself as anywhere near being an fps snob, but 20 fps on the N64 version is a little distractingly low frequently. the 3DS runs this game at a stable 30 fps for basically the entirety of the game; i only noticed some slight performance issues when an extreme number of particles/ pickups were on screen. the visuals are updated, yet still feel pretty faithful to the overall style of the game. there’s some texture changes here and there, and some things look drastically different, such as adult link’s face, but it’s not a complete rewrite of the ‘look’ of OOT. the dual screen of the 3DS does some WORK for this game. you have the on-screen minimap up top still, but you can also see the world and dungeon map on the bottom screen while everything else is happening, which makes navigating dungeons so much more friendly. on N64, you’d normally only have 3 C-buttons to bind items to, but here you have the X and Y buttons, as well as two “I” and “II” buttons that you can also map items to. additionally, there's a dedicated ocarina button, essentially freeing up yet another slot due to how frequently it's used. even though it does still pause the action to interact with your equipment screen, getting in and out is sooo much more fluid than it ever was on N64. items can fit into any slot on the items screen, which is kinda nice so you can organize them how you want, but it also ends up becoming incredibly cluttered extremely fast, as you swap out items and they end up in different spots than you may have originally intended. personally, i would rather have discrete, locked, item slots in your inventory so you can just use muscle memory to tap and select, but this is an extremely minor nitpick. gyro controls are here, and man are they welcomed. usually it feels a little clunky to aim with just the stick on N64, but gyro lets you fine tune your aim that makes sections such as horseback bow+arrow so much more comfortable.
the ocarina has got to be one of the coolest items in any game i’ve played. yeah, it’s a neat idea to have a little instrument with magical properties that can do things from making it rain, to changing the time of day, to warping you across the world, but the implementation is absolutely ingenious. it’s actually absurd how Koji Kondo was able to write insanely iconic themes that are all limited to begin with the same selection of 6 notes you can play on the ocarina. i always get chills learning new songs. Zelda’s Lullaby, Saria’s Song, the Song of Time, Song of Storms, i could go on and on. they’re all so distinct and memorable. it would have been trivial to have the functionality of the ocarina be subjugated to selecting a song to play on a menu, but no, they make you play the notes yourself. granted, you’re not playing the full song, as that’s out of the range you’re given, but you are still the one playing the notes that launch into the performance. when i was younger, i even had a little 6-hole sweet potato Ocarina of Time that i would constantly play little tunes from the game on. it’s so fuckn neat, it’s only right that the game gets its name after it.
one thing i absolutely adore about 3D zelda titles is how discrete their worlds and items are. while the following RPG mechanics are certainly not inherently bad qualities to have in a game, there’s no leveling up or XP or an excess of only slightly different weapons stats-wise. instead, there’s hard, discrete lines drawn in the sand of the game design. you don’t have 242 HP or something, you have an integer number of heart containers evenly divided into quarters. 4 heart pieces make a whole. there’s not 20 different pieces of armor, there’s three distinct tunics. same for swords. same for boots. you could say: hey, why would i not want more equipment in my game? to me, the answer is intentionality and milestones. when you get anything new, be it a dungeon item, or a heart container, or a new song, it feels significant. also, you immediately start thinking, oh shit, what else could i do with bombs? didn’t i see some cracked rocks in that one area? im about to blow type-shit, truly.
dungeon-talk speed round!!! (some spoilers for dungeons and bosses, my friend)
- inside the deku tree? yeah, i guess you could say i’m inside the deku tree. great intro dungeon that gets you accustomed to the structure of a 3D zelda dungeon without overwhelming you with ANY small keys or a complex dungeon map. Gohma is a spider that’s also shaped kinda like a hand, and i think i’ll cheers to that.
- dodongo’s cavern? boom. now we start getting more use out of the new dungeon item we’re graced with. king dodongo absolutely ate that shit.
- inside jabu-jabu’s belly? this place looks fucking disgusting, and also you have to carry a wet child-princess with you. i actually think it’s fine?? Barinade is honestly pretty neat and one of the most fun bosses in the game to me.
- forest temple? poe noe! those ghouls took the fucking flames on the elevator! however will we get to the boss now?
> the fairy bow:
phantom ganon is an aesthetically amazing fight, and i love the callback to deflecting orbs at Agahnim that gets intensified against the real ganondorf
- fire temple? rock guys in jail :(. hammmerrrr. gyro aim does some real work here because you can turn Volvagia into a pin cushion with the bow. unfortunately this strat does not work well on an airplane because usually they hate it when you turn in your seat and 3DS (verb) the face of the person next to you.
- ice cavern.
- water temple? THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE /gen I LOVE WATER TEMPLE HOLY SHIT!!! it fucking chugs in the original N64 version, but here? we got better indications of the water levels post-lullaby. we got iron boots that aren’t on the gear screen, but are X,Y,I,II equippable. it’s actually sooo fun. i am a complete and utter FOOL for multi-state dungeons in zelda-like games. Morpha: water tentacle? poke him in the corner :). poke poke poke.
- bottom of the well.
- shadow temple? pretty fun and inventive uses for the lens of truth. also you can put on slippy shoes. I LOVE HAND-BASED BOSSES LIKE,, gosh and also he’s literally playing the bongo, and he name is the bongo, but two of them two of them.
- spirit temple,,, 🤤. pretty neat. Twinrova is honestly a super neat concept for the boss, but waiting for good rng on the final phase is bleh.
- gerudo training ground :O
- ganon’s castle? yeah so uhm,, you do a bunch of little ‘trials’ i think they’re called. wait a damn minute… trials? like,, like from MST aka medallions, stones, trials?? holy shit, that’s kinda a deep pull from Nintendo, referencing an extremely niche internet community. guess who got they goron tunic eated by a fucking like like in the shadow trial that then also voided out, causing the room to reload and the voracious garb gobbler to no longer possess their crimson vesture? twas i. and yes, this is the worst thing to ever happen to anyone. ganon’t.
while i don’t think this one has the best characters, nor story, nor dialogue, we have some quite fun inclusions. we got: evil maya fey, :3, sark, and this motherfucker is eating beans (!) ok but seriously Sheik is a banger character with a banger theme. so badass. Link’s sword flourishes also go hard. not as hard as they would later go in Twilight Princess, but OOT was ground zero for those sick moves of his.
it’s extremely nice that the map indicates whether or not you have all of the gold skulltulas in a region or dungeon, but i wish it was a little bit more specific sometimes. for example, the world map will display “Market” as one of the visitable locations, but the tracker for the gold skulltulas actually includes the path to hyrule castle as well. so, if you’re looking in hyrule castle town at night for gold skulltulas, your ass is looking in the wrong place!! also, even though the shard of agony is a very welcome inclusion that’s more accessible than the rumble-pak-requiring stone of agony on N64, it is still only helpful if you actually know where to walk around to look for grottos. also, i can understand wanting to not lock an item with utility behind the full 100 gold skulltulas, but ‘infinite money’ is really just not interesting. rupees are so useless–especially by that point in the game–that i would honestly rather just have a unique do-nothing item on the gear screen a-la Hestu’s gift.
there’s also a new ‘hint’ system of sorts through a Sheikah Stone outside of your house as a child and the temple of time, but i didn’t use it. hopefully it helps figure out some slightly more obscure parts of the game!
also new to the game is a “boss challenge” mode, which lets you refight any of the bosses up through Twinrova. it’s a cool addition, i suppose, but i don’t super care. there’s also a Gauntlet that you unlock after winning all the refights, which acts as a boss rush sorta mode where you can pick between two chests with some random items after each boss and have persistent health and ammo, but i didn’t find it to be too interesting either. still, i think it’s a fairly neat idea to include. some of the items that you can get from the chests are absolutely laughable though. like yeah thanks for giving me the giant’s knife, game. if you’re gonna have a time-attack boss rush mode, it’s a little annoying to also have to pray for good rng with your loot on top of Twinrova.
overall, i’m really glad that i replayed this game and finally got 100% completion. this is the longest review i’ve written for this website, and i’m afraid it’s a little bit messy and not friendly to read, but hey, we just be trying shit out. this is a real special game for a lot of people for a reason, and i’ve really gotta get around to playing majora’s mask all the way through one of these days. it’s unfortunate that the MM 3DS remake seems to make a lot of ‘unnecessary’ changes that i’m not well versed on, but i will trust the fans of the OG.
yeah, this game still fucks (original thought is dead!!! long live original thought!!!). to be fair, i have watched so many goddamn randomizers of the original game, so it’s not like i was returning to a world long forgotten by my little decrepit 20-something mind, but still. fucks.
obviously, the biggest points to make about this game come from what’s new and fresh in the remake. i would not classify myself as anywhere near being an fps snob, but 20 fps on the N64 version is a little distractingly low frequently. the 3DS runs this game at a stable 30 fps for basically the entirety of the game; i only noticed some slight performance issues when an extreme number of particles/ pickups were on screen. the visuals are updated, yet still feel pretty faithful to the overall style of the game. there’s some texture changes here and there, and some things look drastically different, such as adult link’s face, but it’s not a complete rewrite of the ‘look’ of OOT. the dual screen of the 3DS does some WORK for this game. you have the on-screen minimap up top still, but you can also see the world and dungeon map on the bottom screen while everything else is happening, which makes navigating dungeons so much more friendly. on N64, you’d normally only have 3 C-buttons to bind items to, but here you have the X and Y buttons, as well as two “I” and “II” buttons that you can also map items to. additionally, there's a dedicated ocarina button, essentially freeing up yet another slot due to how frequently it's used. even though it does still pause the action to interact with your equipment screen, getting in and out is sooo much more fluid than it ever was on N64. items can fit into any slot on the items screen, which is kinda nice so you can organize them how you want, but it also ends up becoming incredibly cluttered extremely fast, as you swap out items and they end up in different spots than you may have originally intended. personally, i would rather have discrete, locked, item slots in your inventory so you can just use muscle memory to tap and select, but this is an extremely minor nitpick. gyro controls are here, and man are they welcomed. usually it feels a little clunky to aim with just the stick on N64, but gyro lets you fine tune your aim that makes sections such as horseback bow+arrow so much more comfortable.
the ocarina has got to be one of the coolest items in any game i’ve played. yeah, it’s a neat idea to have a little instrument with magical properties that can do things from making it rain, to changing the time of day, to warping you across the world, but the implementation is absolutely ingenious. it’s actually absurd how Koji Kondo was able to write insanely iconic themes that are all limited to begin with the same selection of 6 notes you can play on the ocarina. i always get chills learning new songs. Zelda’s Lullaby, Saria’s Song, the Song of Time, Song of Storms, i could go on and on. they’re all so distinct and memorable. it would have been trivial to have the functionality of the ocarina be subjugated to selecting a song to play on a menu, but no, they make you play the notes yourself. granted, you’re not playing the full song, as that’s out of the range you’re given, but you are still the one playing the notes that launch into the performance. when i was younger, i even had a little 6-hole sweet potato Ocarina of Time that i would constantly play little tunes from the game on. it’s so fuckn neat, it’s only right that the game gets its name after it.
one thing i absolutely adore about 3D zelda titles is how discrete their worlds and items are. while the following RPG mechanics are certainly not inherently bad qualities to have in a game, there’s no leveling up or XP or an excess of only slightly different weapons stats-wise. instead, there’s hard, discrete lines drawn in the sand of the game design. you don’t have 242 HP or something, you have an integer number of heart containers evenly divided into quarters. 4 heart pieces make a whole. there’s not 20 different pieces of armor, there’s three distinct tunics. same for swords. same for boots. you could say: hey, why would i not want more equipment in my game? to me, the answer is intentionality and milestones. when you get anything new, be it a dungeon item, or a heart container, or a new song, it feels significant. also, you immediately start thinking, oh shit, what else could i do with bombs? didn’t i see some cracked rocks in that one area? im about to blow type-shit, truly.
dungeon-talk speed round!!! (some spoilers for dungeons and bosses, my friend)
- inside the deku tree? yeah, i guess you could say i’m inside the deku tree. great intro dungeon that gets you accustomed to the structure of a 3D zelda dungeon without overwhelming you with ANY small keys or a complex dungeon map. Gohma is a spider that’s also shaped kinda like a hand, and i think i’ll cheers to that.
- dodongo’s cavern? boom. now we start getting more use out of the new dungeon item we’re graced with. king dodongo absolutely ate that shit.
- inside jabu-jabu’s belly? this place looks fucking disgusting, and also you have to carry a wet child-princess with you. i actually think it’s fine?? Barinade is honestly pretty neat and one of the most fun bosses in the game to me.
- forest temple? poe noe! those ghouls took the fucking flames on the elevator! however will we get to the boss now?
> the fairy bow:
phantom ganon is an aesthetically amazing fight, and i love the callback to deflecting orbs at Agahnim that gets intensified against the real ganondorf
- fire temple? rock guys in jail :(. hammmerrrr. gyro aim does some real work here because you can turn Volvagia into a pin cushion with the bow. unfortunately this strat does not work well on an airplane because usually they hate it when you turn in your seat and 3DS (verb) the face of the person next to you.
- ice cavern.
- water temple? THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE /gen I LOVE WATER TEMPLE HOLY SHIT!!! it fucking chugs in the original N64 version, but here? we got better indications of the water levels post-lullaby. we got iron boots that aren’t on the gear screen, but are X,Y,I,II equippable. it’s actually sooo fun. i am a complete and utter FOOL for multi-state dungeons in zelda-like games. Morpha: water tentacle? poke him in the corner :). poke poke poke.
- bottom of the well.
- shadow temple? pretty fun and inventive uses for the lens of truth. also you can put on slippy shoes. I LOVE HAND-BASED BOSSES LIKE,, gosh and also he’s literally playing the bongo, and he name is the bongo, but two of them two of them.
- spirit temple,,, 🤤. pretty neat. Twinrova is honestly a super neat concept for the boss, but waiting for good rng on the final phase is bleh.
- gerudo training ground :O
- ganon’s castle? yeah so uhm,, you do a bunch of little ‘trials’ i think they’re called. wait a damn minute… trials? like,, like from MST aka medallions, stones, trials?? holy shit, that’s kinda a deep pull from Nintendo, referencing an extremely niche internet community. guess who got they goron tunic eated by a fucking like like in the shadow trial that then also voided out, causing the room to reload and the voracious garb gobbler to no longer possess their crimson vesture? twas i. and yes, this is the worst thing to ever happen to anyone. ganon’t.
while i don’t think this one has the best characters, nor story, nor dialogue, we have some quite fun inclusions. we got: evil maya fey, :3, sark, and this motherfucker is eating beans (!) ok but seriously Sheik is a banger character with a banger theme. so badass. Link’s sword flourishes also go hard. not as hard as they would later go in Twilight Princess, but OOT was ground zero for those sick moves of his.
it’s extremely nice that the map indicates whether or not you have all of the gold skulltulas in a region or dungeon, but i wish it was a little bit more specific sometimes. for example, the world map will display “Market” as one of the visitable locations, but the tracker for the gold skulltulas actually includes the path to hyrule castle as well. so, if you’re looking in hyrule castle town at night for gold skulltulas, your ass is looking in the wrong place!! also, even though the shard of agony is a very welcome inclusion that’s more accessible than the rumble-pak-requiring stone of agony on N64, it is still only helpful if you actually know where to walk around to look for grottos. also, i can understand wanting to not lock an item with utility behind the full 100 gold skulltulas, but ‘infinite money’ is really just not interesting. rupees are so useless–especially by that point in the game–that i would honestly rather just have a unique do-nothing item on the gear screen a-la Hestu’s gift.
there’s also a new ‘hint’ system of sorts through a Sheikah Stone outside of your house as a child and the temple of time, but i didn’t use it. hopefully it helps figure out some slightly more obscure parts of the game!
also new to the game is a “boss challenge” mode, which lets you refight any of the bosses up through Twinrova. it’s a cool addition, i suppose, but i don’t super care. there’s also a Gauntlet that you unlock after winning all the refights, which acts as a boss rush sorta mode where you can pick between two chests with some random items after each boss and have persistent health and ammo, but i didn’t find it to be too interesting either. still, i think it’s a fairly neat idea to include. some of the items that you can get from the chests are absolutely laughable though. like yeah thanks for giving me the giant’s knife, game. if you’re gonna have a time-attack boss rush mode, it’s a little annoying to also have to pray for good rng with your loot on top of Twinrova.
overall, i’m really glad that i replayed this game and finally got 100% completion. this is the longest review i’ve written for this website, and i’m afraid it’s a little bit messy and not friendly to read, but hey, we just be trying shit out. this is a real special game for a lot of people for a reason, and i’ve really gotta get around to playing majora’s mask all the way through one of these days. it’s unfortunate that the MM 3DS remake seems to make a lot of ‘unnecessary’ changes that i’m not well versed on, but i will trust the fans of the OG.
Time to mix drinks and change lives
This is how to make your very own VA-11 Hall-A: Cyberpunk Bartender Action, right from the comfort of your own home! 🍸✨
Here’s what you’ll need:
- 5 parts Blorbo-Bicon Extraordinaire
- 3 parts Purified Heart-warm
- 3 parts Feelings That I Still Don’t Know How to Process
- 2 parts Banger OST
- 2 parts Fucking Funny Shit
- 1 part Nanomachines
- 1 part Girl 4chan
- 1 part Mega Christmas
- 1 part Bad Touch pffts
- 1 part Dorothinquisition (your ass was not expecting this shit)
Directions
1. Start by smiling a little, maybe throwing in some laughs if you’re feeling adventurous (note: you are feeling adventurous).
2. Feel every emotion under the sun.
And you’re done !~
i’m always wary of any usage of the word “waifu”, but this game is simply delightful. admittedly, i have only had any amount of interest in the visual novel genre for less than a year at this point, but this game has already earned a spot in my top 5 favorites. it’s literally so fucking sweet i don’t know what to do with myself??? almost every character radiates such warmth and authenticity that i can’t help but smile. even when a character’s kinda a piece of shit, i still just feel so damn charmed by the whole presentation and atmosphere that it’s virtually impossible* to have a client interaction i dislike. it is clear that there was a lot of thought put into the backgrounds of many of the characters; not only do you get to experience storied friendships between your clientele, but you also get to forge your own relationships with them. character development WIN!! it’s so fucking fantastic to watch characters change over the course of the game. one thing i find incredibly well-done about this game is just how involved our main character is with the entire narrative. in Coffee Talk (2020), a game that came out after this (but one I played before), the barista player character repeatedly says things to the effect of “just being an observer.” in VA-11 Hall-A, however, Jill is front and center, albeit often off-screen. yes, you do get to act as an observer sometimes when a group of people come in talking to each other, but the vast majority of the time, our girlie is integral to the conversation. quite literally, this motherfucker is out here changing lives. the B.T.C. should make a fun little catchphrase based on that notion and pay me e-royalties (in the future they call them e-royalties).
so,, how the fuck does Jill even change lives? she mixes drinks, silly! this is where the Bartender portion of the Cyberpunk Bartender Action comes into play. a goofy individual—a creature, if you will (unless you won’t)—will come into the bar and either directly ask for a Bad Touch smirk emoji, some other specific drink, or give you some constraints for what they want. the game’s interface then lets you sort through the modest selection of possible drinks by name, flavor, or type to allow you to discern what could be a good option. you drag set amounts of the 5 ingredients into the mixer, select to add ice/age the drink, then mix for a specified amount of time. it’s not too complex, but offers just enough interaction to really make you feel like you’re Cyberpunk Bartending Action. sometimes a client will speak in riddles or ask for “the usual” like haha did you remember what Joe Barbeque always orders? no??? what are you a fucking idiot or something??
while there is a plot in this game, i think it would definitely be classified more as character-driven versus a story-driven narrative. this is ABSOLUTELY not a bad thing. i love me some characters! they’re often far more important to me than any sort of story beats. the game starts with a narrative hook, but it kinda just disappears by the end of the game. it’s mentioned semi-frequently, but there’s just not really any resolution to that thread. gone. there’s some pretty significant in-world events that occur over the course of the story that tie into some of the characters’ arcs, which is pretty cool. there’s even a TV in the bar that you can change the channel on, and different channels become available depending on the point in the story you’re at. really though, i’m not here for the happenings in Glitch City. there’s some honestly pretty good social/ political commentary for the most part, and the game leverages its cyberpunk setting to talk about the consequences of technological advancement, like any good piece of cyberpunk media should, but i’m here for the critters on my screen ordering they goddamn drinks. fucking hell, i think Jill’s arc might be one of my favorite character arcs in any piece of media ever now. i genuinely cannot think of any nugget of character development i like more than her’s. even ‘unimportant’ side characters get to grow, and it’s just really fucking awesome. fantastic characters and writing overall. extremely funny, too.
speaking of characters: gang, we need to talk about Dorothy (good song btw). to start off, i will say that from a pure personality standpoint, Dorothy is probably one of my favorite characters in this game. she’s fun, has an infectious energy to her, and can even end up being pretty serious and philosophical when she feels like it. i probably enjoyed every single time she showed up at Valhalla looking for a drink and a chat. now, i do not know any backstory behind the motivations of the writing behind this character, so anything i say will be my own interpretation of solely what can be gleaned from the game. however, from what i understand about the writer of this game, they seem to be excessively horny and i would not be surprised if they hold some unsavory views on women and potentially even worse things. but again, i am locking in on what can be understood from the game. while i 100% think there is merit to be had in taking the author behind a piece of work into account, i’m personally here on this website to review VA-11 Hall-A: Cyberpunk Bartender Action, not some horny twitter user.
Dorothy is a sex-worker Lilim (a robot, of sorts), who is mentally about 24, but has the body of 13-year-old. the game feeds you some background along the lines of “oh like Lilim are just kinda created looking like kids cuz we’re tryin’ to mimic humans as much as possible or whatever and most ‘upgrade’ to look more adult later,” but this alone can obviously not explain its inclusion. at one point, Dorothy says something to the effect of not wanting to get said upgrade because her young appearance helps her immensely in her line of work. some people hire her for pedophilic reasons, and others hire her for non-sexual reasons, such as asking her to pretend to be their late daughter. isn’t that just kinda fucked up? like, that’s so clearly fucked. willingly choosing to look like a child for the expressed purpose of elevating sex-work is absolutely a terrible reality. yet, in that same vain, i feel like the reasons this is fucked is more because of what it makes me feel about society. pedophiles do exist, and if such an individual like Dorothy existed in our world, i can guarantee there would be similar occurrences. the problem here is that i don’t feel like this whole concept was given the care it needs. in my opinion, if you’re going to attempt a scathing critique of society’s sexual obsessions with underaged individuals blended in with cyberpunk-based worries about integration of self-aware artificial intelligence and body modifications, you better fucking make it SCATHING. yes, i can see media literacy, she’s that cutie sitting over at the corner of the bar, but i wish i was fucking talking to her too!!! (that one doesn’t really make sense, i just wanted to say it, sorry.) seriously, though, i feel like there’s some topics that you can kinda dance around with when you’re trying to get across a message in a piece of media, but sometimes being explicit is completely warranted, and in this case i think it is. it’s a little difficult to try to tackle a dicey topic such as this, but then also try to make that same character be a silly little goofball. like, yeah, i love silly little goofballs, but maybe we shoulda divorced the two concepts if we’re gonna attempt this at all. i’m glad they gave her some more depth than ‘just’ being a sex-worker, but i don’t think the overall depiction was all that fantastic. i don’t think it’s a complete failure, though i do still wish it was handled with a little more grace and tact than it was given. i one-hundred percent understand if the inclusion of this character in the way it was done is off-putting to the point of ruining the entire experience of the game, as unfortunate as that may be.
i don’t wanna end this review on a sour note after talking about all that jazz, so i’m gonna end by talking just a little bit about the music in this game. it’s good! like, really good! i like to listen to it?? at the start of each day and after each break, you get to select 12 songs to play on the jukebox, which is nice, cuz you get to listen to the bangers you bang to, and not just the bangers you don’t. there’s a seriously great soundtrack here, and i enjoyed pretty much all of the songs i had access to during my playthrough. there’s a shuffle feature you can use, but it’s like that ‘shitty’ shuffle where it doesn’t care if it plays the same song it just played. it’s a little annoying, but really nothing all that terrible, seeing as you can just press skip song anyways. some of my favorites (non-exhaustive) were:
Nighttime Maneuvers
Synthestitch
Digital Drive
Through the Storm, We Will Find a Way
despite my critiques, i really loved this game. i can see why it is loved by many, and now i get to be excited for the sequel. sigh, add it to the pile,,,
all booze and no firecrackers makes mae a dull girl.
This is how to make your very own VA-11 Hall-A: Cyberpunk Bartender Action, right from the comfort of your own home! 🍸✨
Here’s what you’ll need:
- 5 parts Blorbo-Bicon Extraordinaire
- 3 parts Purified Heart-warm
- 3 parts Feelings That I Still Don’t Know How to Process
- 2 parts Banger OST
- 2 parts Fucking Funny Shit
- 1 part Nanomachines
- 1 part Girl 4chan
- 1 part Mega Christmas
- 1 part Bad Touch pffts
- 1 part Dorothinquisition (your ass was not expecting this shit)
Directions
1. Start by smiling a little, maybe throwing in some laughs if you’re feeling adventurous (note: you are feeling adventurous).
2. Feel every emotion under the sun.
And you’re done !~
i’m always wary of any usage of the word “waifu”, but this game is simply delightful. admittedly, i have only had any amount of interest in the visual novel genre for less than a year at this point, but this game has already earned a spot in my top 5 favorites. it’s literally so fucking sweet i don’t know what to do with myself??? almost every character radiates such warmth and authenticity that i can’t help but smile. even when a character’s kinda a piece of shit, i still just feel so damn charmed by the whole presentation and atmosphere that it’s virtually impossible* to have a client interaction i dislike. it is clear that there was a lot of thought put into the backgrounds of many of the characters; not only do you get to experience storied friendships between your clientele, but you also get to forge your own relationships with them. character development WIN!! it’s so fucking fantastic to watch characters change over the course of the game. one thing i find incredibly well-done about this game is just how involved our main character is with the entire narrative. in Coffee Talk (2020), a game that came out after this (but one I played before), the barista player character repeatedly says things to the effect of “just being an observer.” in VA-11 Hall-A, however, Jill is front and center, albeit often off-screen. yes, you do get to act as an observer sometimes when a group of people come in talking to each other, but the vast majority of the time, our girlie is integral to the conversation. quite literally, this motherfucker is out here changing lives. the B.T.C. should make a fun little catchphrase based on that notion and pay me e-royalties (in the future they call them e-royalties).
so,, how the fuck does Jill even change lives? she mixes drinks, silly! this is where the Bartender portion of the Cyberpunk Bartender Action comes into play. a goofy individual—a creature, if you will (unless you won’t)—will come into the bar and either directly ask for a Bad Touch smirk emoji, some other specific drink, or give you some constraints for what they want. the game’s interface then lets you sort through the modest selection of possible drinks by name, flavor, or type to allow you to discern what could be a good option. you drag set amounts of the 5 ingredients into the mixer, select to add ice/age the drink, then mix for a specified amount of time. it’s not too complex, but offers just enough interaction to really make you feel like you’re Cyberpunk Bartending Action. sometimes a client will speak in riddles or ask for “the usual” like haha did you remember what Joe Barbeque always orders? no??? what are you a fucking idiot or something??
while there is a plot in this game, i think it would definitely be classified more as character-driven versus a story-driven narrative. this is ABSOLUTELY not a bad thing. i love me some characters! they’re often far more important to me than any sort of story beats. the game starts with a narrative hook, but it kinda just disappears by the end of the game. it’s mentioned semi-frequently, but there’s just not really any resolution to that thread. gone. there’s some pretty significant in-world events that occur over the course of the story that tie into some of the characters’ arcs, which is pretty cool. there’s even a TV in the bar that you can change the channel on, and different channels become available depending on the point in the story you’re at. really though, i’m not here for the happenings in Glitch City. there’s some honestly pretty good social/ political commentary for the most part, and the game leverages its cyberpunk setting to talk about the consequences of technological advancement, like any good piece of cyberpunk media should, but i’m here for the critters on my screen ordering they goddamn drinks. fucking hell, i think Jill’s arc might be one of my favorite character arcs in any piece of media ever now. i genuinely cannot think of any nugget of character development i like more than her’s. even ‘unimportant’ side characters get to grow, and it’s just really fucking awesome. fantastic characters and writing overall. extremely funny, too.
speaking of characters: gang, we need to talk about Dorothy (good song btw). to start off, i will say that from a pure personality standpoint, Dorothy is probably one of my favorite characters in this game. she’s fun, has an infectious energy to her, and can even end up being pretty serious and philosophical when she feels like it. i probably enjoyed every single time she showed up at Valhalla looking for a drink and a chat. now, i do not know any backstory behind the motivations of the writing behind this character, so anything i say will be my own interpretation of solely what can be gleaned from the game. however, from what i understand about the writer of this game, they seem to be excessively horny and i would not be surprised if they hold some unsavory views on women and potentially even worse things. but again, i am locking in on what can be understood from the game. while i 100% think there is merit to be had in taking the author behind a piece of work into account, i’m personally here on this website to review VA-11 Hall-A: Cyberpunk Bartender Action, not some horny twitter user.
Dorothy is a sex-worker Lilim (a robot, of sorts), who is mentally about 24, but has the body of 13-year-old. the game feeds you some background along the lines of “oh like Lilim are just kinda created looking like kids cuz we’re tryin’ to mimic humans as much as possible or whatever and most ‘upgrade’ to look more adult later,” but this alone can obviously not explain its inclusion. at one point, Dorothy says something to the effect of not wanting to get said upgrade because her young appearance helps her immensely in her line of work. some people hire her for pedophilic reasons, and others hire her for non-sexual reasons, such as asking her to pretend to be their late daughter. isn’t that just kinda fucked up? like, that’s so clearly fucked. willingly choosing to look like a child for the expressed purpose of elevating sex-work is absolutely a terrible reality. yet, in that same vain, i feel like the reasons this is fucked is more because of what it makes me feel about society. pedophiles do exist, and if such an individual like Dorothy existed in our world, i can guarantee there would be similar occurrences. the problem here is that i don’t feel like this whole concept was given the care it needs. in my opinion, if you’re going to attempt a scathing critique of society’s sexual obsessions with underaged individuals blended in with cyberpunk-based worries about integration of self-aware artificial intelligence and body modifications, you better fucking make it SCATHING. yes, i can see media literacy, she’s that cutie sitting over at the corner of the bar, but i wish i was fucking talking to her too!!! (that one doesn’t really make sense, i just wanted to say it, sorry.) seriously, though, i feel like there’s some topics that you can kinda dance around with when you’re trying to get across a message in a piece of media, but sometimes being explicit is completely warranted, and in this case i think it is. it’s a little difficult to try to tackle a dicey topic such as this, but then also try to make that same character be a silly little goofball. like, yeah, i love silly little goofballs, but maybe we shoulda divorced the two concepts if we’re gonna attempt this at all. i’m glad they gave her some more depth than ‘just’ being a sex-worker, but i don’t think the overall depiction was all that fantastic. i don’t think it’s a complete failure, though i do still wish it was handled with a little more grace and tact than it was given. i one-hundred percent understand if the inclusion of this character in the way it was done is off-putting to the point of ruining the entire experience of the game, as unfortunate as that may be.
i don’t wanna end this review on a sour note after talking about all that jazz, so i’m gonna end by talking just a little bit about the music in this game. it’s good! like, really good! i like to listen to it?? at the start of each day and after each break, you get to select 12 songs to play on the jukebox, which is nice, cuz you get to listen to the bangers you bang to, and not just the bangers you don’t. there’s a seriously great soundtrack here, and i enjoyed pretty much all of the songs i had access to during my playthrough. there’s a shuffle feature you can use, but it’s like that ‘shitty’ shuffle where it doesn’t care if it plays the same song it just played. it’s a little annoying, but really nothing all that terrible, seeing as you can just press skip song anyways. some of my favorites (non-exhaustive) were:
Nighttime Maneuvers
Synthestitch
Digital Drive
Through the Storm, We Will Find a Way
despite my critiques, i really loved this game. i can see why it is loved by many, and now i get to be excited for the sequel. sigh, add it to the pile,,,
all booze and no firecrackers makes mae a dull girl.
2021
The Big Con (2021) is a game with some charming 90's aesthetics and clearly had a lot of passion put into it. so,, what even is it?
(story premise spoilers ahead)
essentially, you're a teenager named Alison (goes by Ali) who plays the trombone and lives alone with her mom in a "mom-and-daught" video store. every year, Ali goes to band camp to work towards her mom's dream of her getting into a prestigious arts university. however, the eve before she leaves, she learns her mom is being extorted by a gangster of sorts for approximately $97k, and if they can't pay it off, they're completely fucked and will be bought out by a chain video store. taking it upon herself to gather the funds, she takes to the streets and quickly meets a con artist named Ted, who claims he has the solution to her money problems and becomes a mentor of sorts teaching her how to pickpocket and get extra change out of cashiers and such. they set off on a cross country journey together to pull off a Big Con (holy shit !!!! title reference !!!) and go from locale to locale stealing and grifting their way into riches.
this is where we get into the gameplay. generally speaking, you'll enter a new area and be given a blanket goal, usually in the form of some money threshold to reach. achieve it, and you can talk to your partner and move on. essentially every npc can be pickpocketed, performed by holding down a button until the oscillating arrow lands in the shrinking zone on a pop-up UI. it's a simple, timing-based minigame that scales proportionally to the amount of money on the mark, but it gets old quickly thanks to how frequently you'll need to steal shit. to the game's credit, there is an accessibility option to completely disable the pickpocket minigame, though i never used it. you walk around, talk, and eavesdrop on people to gain information that is automatically added to your journal kept in your fanny pack. it tracks your goals, as well as exploitable characteristics of people that you can use to your advantage in conversation to con people out of their money. overheard someone's anniversary date and learn that their bags are sitting unattended in the lobby of the hotel? hop on over there and use the date as the combo for the luggage! shit like that, basically.
a lot of this sounds like it could be pretty cool and as though it may have a lot of depth, but in practice, i don't really think it does. after a while, the gameplay feels pretty one-note and almost pointless. it got to the point that it felt like i was wasting my time every time i actually engaged in the core mechanics, which isn't a good sign to me. although i felt it eventually devolved into chore territory, it's still a goofy little time. conversations take place on a very 90's background and Ali frequently makes jokes about literally everything that happens. is it hit or miss? yeah! is the game extremely camp? yeah! there's a fucking option in the settings to enable a laugh track. Ali frequently hallucinates a talking bedsheet-ghost (Rad Ghost) who constantly reminds her not to do drugs and functions as a hint system of sorts. that's a silly little concept! the story is predictable, yet it's strangely comforting with how dedicated it is to pulling off the vibe of a 90's teen adventure flick. it hits so many common narrative beats of the genre. there's a little bit of minorly gay content (wahoo!), and it's extremely casual and normalized, which makes me happy.
overall, this game is pretty silly and lighthearted. it's nothing too special, but if you're looking for a silly little 90's con movie-like experience without a deep plot, this could be a good fit. maybe i woulda enjoyed it a little more if i was actually alive and conscious during the 90's, but that's just like my fucking bad i guess. oops!
(story premise spoilers ahead)
essentially, you're a teenager named Alison (goes by Ali) who plays the trombone and lives alone with her mom in a "mom-and-daught" video store. every year, Ali goes to band camp to work towards her mom's dream of her getting into a prestigious arts university. however, the eve before she leaves, she learns her mom is being extorted by a gangster of sorts for approximately $97k, and if they can't pay it off, they're completely fucked and will be bought out by a chain video store. taking it upon herself to gather the funds, she takes to the streets and quickly meets a con artist named Ted, who claims he has the solution to her money problems and becomes a mentor of sorts teaching her how to pickpocket and get extra change out of cashiers and such. they set off on a cross country journey together to pull off a Big Con (holy shit !!!! title reference !!!) and go from locale to locale stealing and grifting their way into riches.
this is where we get into the gameplay. generally speaking, you'll enter a new area and be given a blanket goal, usually in the form of some money threshold to reach. achieve it, and you can talk to your partner and move on. essentially every npc can be pickpocketed, performed by holding down a button until the oscillating arrow lands in the shrinking zone on a pop-up UI. it's a simple, timing-based minigame that scales proportionally to the amount of money on the mark, but it gets old quickly thanks to how frequently you'll need to steal shit. to the game's credit, there is an accessibility option to completely disable the pickpocket minigame, though i never used it. you walk around, talk, and eavesdrop on people to gain information that is automatically added to your journal kept in your fanny pack. it tracks your goals, as well as exploitable characteristics of people that you can use to your advantage in conversation to con people out of their money. overheard someone's anniversary date and learn that their bags are sitting unattended in the lobby of the hotel? hop on over there and use the date as the combo for the luggage! shit like that, basically.
a lot of this sounds like it could be pretty cool and as though it may have a lot of depth, but in practice, i don't really think it does. after a while, the gameplay feels pretty one-note and almost pointless. it got to the point that it felt like i was wasting my time every time i actually engaged in the core mechanics, which isn't a good sign to me. although i felt it eventually devolved into chore territory, it's still a goofy little time. conversations take place on a very 90's background and Ali frequently makes jokes about literally everything that happens. is it hit or miss? yeah! is the game extremely camp? yeah! there's a fucking option in the settings to enable a laugh track. Ali frequently hallucinates a talking bedsheet-ghost (Rad Ghost) who constantly reminds her not to do drugs and functions as a hint system of sorts. that's a silly little concept! the story is predictable, yet it's strangely comforting with how dedicated it is to pulling off the vibe of a 90's teen adventure flick. it hits so many common narrative beats of the genre. there's a little bit of minorly gay content (wahoo!), and it's extremely casual and normalized, which makes me happy.
overall, this game is pretty silly and lighthearted. it's nothing too special, but if you're looking for a silly little 90's con movie-like experience without a deep plot, this could be a good fit. maybe i woulda enjoyed it a little more if i was actually alive and conscious during the 90's, but that's just like my fucking bad i guess. oops!
2020
this game is very chill, and pretty cute! the characters are sweet, and there's some intersecting storylines that satisfied me reasonably with their resolutions. there's some pretty good worldbuilding from the dialogue of the customers and the newspaper at the start of each day that help fill out information about the world. yeah, you can know "vampires drink blood" from experiences with other media, but for different specifics about how werewolves work in this world and the interracial politics, it's a nice touch and i thought it was done well. it's a pretty relaxing experience overall, but it does get into some more 'gritty(?)' topics such as fantasy racism and minorly sexual discussions. the characters are expressive and the art looks decently nice, but the music is pretty lackluster and sometimes distracting. it's just a shuffle playlist of a bunch of chill tunes, so the vibes will sometimes be a little disjointed, such as when characters are having an argument. it's a little silly to have characters effectively yelling at each other while the music is going: mmmm yeahh im so chill im a chill non-memorable instrumental track,,
the drink making is nothing special at all. the drinks that you make based on requests do actually end up affecting the story (mostly just near the end of the game), but i felt like there were some times when there was no way i could reasonably figure out what drink someone wanted me to make. most of the time someone will flat out tell you the three ingredients involved, but there are also some times where someone will ask for a specific drink by name, and if you don't know how to make that, then you're basically shit outta luck. in some cases, not figuring out the correct drink will completely fuck over the storyline for that character, which i can totally get, but it also just feels kinda bad. there's also an endless mode where you just make drinks to people's specifications, but i played about two minutes of it before saying "nope, this is really boring and pointless" and stopping.
i did two playthroughs. for the first, i was just going along blind and trying to figure out all the drinks. for the second, i followed a guide to make sure i got everything right, and ended up with some better results plot-wise for some characters. although i have yet to play it (someday soon, i hope), i would feel remiss to not mention VA-11 Hall-A: Cyberpunk Bartender Action (2016). i have no idea how the two compare, and i recognize that this game probably took a lot of inspiration from the former. i personally liked this game, but i can't say whether or not this game holds a candle to VA-11 Hall-A.
the drink making is nothing special at all. the drinks that you make based on requests do actually end up affecting the story (mostly just near the end of the game), but i felt like there were some times when there was no way i could reasonably figure out what drink someone wanted me to make. most of the time someone will flat out tell you the three ingredients involved, but there are also some times where someone will ask for a specific drink by name, and if you don't know how to make that, then you're basically shit outta luck. in some cases, not figuring out the correct drink will completely fuck over the storyline for that character, which i can totally get, but it also just feels kinda bad. there's also an endless mode where you just make drinks to people's specifications, but i played about two minutes of it before saying "nope, this is really boring and pointless" and stopping.
i did two playthroughs. for the first, i was just going along blind and trying to figure out all the drinks. for the second, i followed a guide to make sure i got everything right, and ended up with some better results plot-wise for some characters. although i have yet to play it (someday soon, i hope), i would feel remiss to not mention VA-11 Hall-A: Cyberpunk Bartender Action (2016). i have no idea how the two compare, and i recognize that this game probably took a lot of inspiration from the former. i personally liked this game, but i can't say whether or not this game holds a candle to VA-11 Hall-A.
i have never really consumed any mikudia (miku media) or really any vocaloid music in general, but when i saw this get announced, i was so hype. this was essentially my reaction.
she's really funnnn!! she's got a very unique playstyle and it's really quite enjoyable to have another character on the roster that doesn't make my blood pressure way too high. this shit make me feel like im playin checkers! for a long time i would play this game with the sole purpose of doing the next most difficult thing i could. once i beat all the other characters and aria, i was like okay, now i guess i have to start practicing for an all characters run. but then, of course, the character i would need to practice the most would be aria, so then i'd just keep practicing aria forever and become really really sad.
miku is the cure!!! i haven't played this game in a good while (probably since around the time synchrony came out in EA) but it's so refreshing to play something new and fresh again in this game i love dearly. she's a little difficult to get used to, but essentially plays like an even more chaotic version of suzu, which is really fun. she's got her little leek and her outfits are so damn cute!!! i pick up leather armor and normally id be like oh wow,, yay,, 0.5 defense,,, but now im like yayy cute miku outfit!! the sounds she makes when you get hurt or die make me feel like i am the worst person on earth and i am so sorry miku,, im sorry i couldn't play better for you,,,
the music is really fun and fits the game pretty well! there's not really parity with what zones they're in, but i don't think it really matters. i have a minor gripe with some of the songs from a gameplay perspective, but it's just that: minor. a couple of the songs start without a solid downbeat rhythm and are semi quiet, so i feel a little frantic for the first bar or so, but you can totally still find the beat and leek the fuck outta skeletons and ghouls and shit. maybe this dlc made me into a miku fan?? idk. pretty fun stuff.
for just TWO (two) American MikuBucks™, Crypt of the NecroDancer: Hatsune Miku (2024) is a slammer jammer, and you should play it if you like CotN and are at least just a little partial to vocaloid tunes.
she's really funnnn!! she's got a very unique playstyle and it's really quite enjoyable to have another character on the roster that doesn't make my blood pressure way too high. this shit make me feel like im playin checkers! for a long time i would play this game with the sole purpose of doing the next most difficult thing i could. once i beat all the other characters and aria, i was like okay, now i guess i have to start practicing for an all characters run. but then, of course, the character i would need to practice the most would be aria, so then i'd just keep practicing aria forever and become really really sad.
miku is the cure!!! i haven't played this game in a good while (probably since around the time synchrony came out in EA) but it's so refreshing to play something new and fresh again in this game i love dearly. she's a little difficult to get used to, but essentially plays like an even more chaotic version of suzu, which is really fun. she's got her little leek and her outfits are so damn cute!!! i pick up leather armor and normally id be like oh wow,, yay,, 0.5 defense,,, but now im like yayy cute miku outfit!! the sounds she makes when you get hurt or die make me feel like i am the worst person on earth and i am so sorry miku,, im sorry i couldn't play better for you,,,
the music is really fun and fits the game pretty well! there's not really parity with what zones they're in, but i don't think it really matters. i have a minor gripe with some of the songs from a gameplay perspective, but it's just that: minor. a couple of the songs start without a solid downbeat rhythm and are semi quiet, so i feel a little frantic for the first bar or so, but you can totally still find the beat and leek the fuck outta skeletons and ghouls and shit. maybe this dlc made me into a miku fan?? idk. pretty fun stuff.
for just TWO (two) American MikuBucks™, Crypt of the NecroDancer: Hatsune Miku (2024) is a slammer jammer, and you should play it if you like CotN and are at least just a little partial to vocaloid tunes.
i really really loved this game. well, at least most of it.
i thoroughly enjoyed the plot and the relationships between these characters. i appreciate how the game feeds you information in a way so that you can actually figure out what's going on before the end. a lot of it is really quite beautiful, emotionally intelligent, and incredibly funny. i'm already pretty emotional when it comes to media, but man, i lost count of how many different moments in this game made me cry. and,,,, then there's the excessive horniness.
i wouldn't necessarily say im a prude or anything like that, but the amount of times that Date gets bricked up over nothing got kinda old eventually. some other characters get really fucking horny too and it's like-- why?? i get that Uchikoshi is just kinda like this, but i can only take so many mentions of "porno mags" before i'm praying at my screen for the section to pleaaaase just end already. the game is usually pretty good at knowing when to hit the brakes on the jokes down in its emotional moments, which is a boon of the writing. buuuut then i will still sometimes get a piece of internal monologue that can sour the mood a little bit. if the horny jokes were at least reduced by 50%, i think that i would say this game would be pretty close to 5 stars for me. definitely my biggest critique of the game by far.
yet despite that, i still love a lot of these characters. i really truly do love Date when you look past his perverted nature. Mizuki is awesome. Aiba rules. Iris is great. it's really quite a great cast when you look at it as a whole, and i think most of them compliment each other well. backstories are thorough and significant to the plot and motivations.
after just finishing Zero Escape: Zero Time Dilemma (2016), getting to experience character models and animations and environments that do not look like petrified burnt toast is a real treat. there's a whole lot of visual flair and style here. excellent english voice acting! everyone is so expressive and the fact that the models appear next to their textbox with the facial expressions is a really great touch, especially given that it lets us see our main character way more than we would have otherwise. even when they're not the person talking or appearing next to a textbox, characters look around and react to the things others are saying. it's a really really nice touch.
the "puzzles" are generally neat and inventive, but actually 'solving' them is sometimes annoying. it wasn't so hard that i needed to use a guide or anything, but sometimes it feels less like you logic'd out the solution and more like you just so happened to pick the correct option. the best somniums are the ones that truly lean into the wacky or emotional side of a character. they added a lot to the experience for me, especially with the branching paths.
in short: great game. loved it and most of the characters. excited to play the second one eventually! please less porno mags.
i thoroughly enjoyed the plot and the relationships between these characters. i appreciate how the game feeds you information in a way so that you can actually figure out what's going on before the end. a lot of it is really quite beautiful, emotionally intelligent, and incredibly funny. i'm already pretty emotional when it comes to media, but man, i lost count of how many different moments in this game made me cry. and,,,, then there's the excessive horniness.
i wouldn't necessarily say im a prude or anything like that, but the amount of times that Date gets bricked up over nothing got kinda old eventually. some other characters get really fucking horny too and it's like-- why?? i get that Uchikoshi is just kinda like this, but i can only take so many mentions of "porno mags" before i'm praying at my screen for the section to pleaaaase just end already. the game is usually pretty good at knowing when to hit the brakes on the jokes down in its emotional moments, which is a boon of the writing. buuuut then i will still sometimes get a piece of internal monologue that can sour the mood a little bit. if the horny jokes were at least reduced by 50%, i think that i would say this game would be pretty close to 5 stars for me. definitely my biggest critique of the game by far.
yet despite that, i still love a lot of these characters. i really truly do love Date when you look past his perverted nature. Mizuki is awesome. Aiba rules. Iris is great. it's really quite a great cast when you look at it as a whole, and i think most of them compliment each other well. backstories are thorough and significant to the plot and motivations.
after just finishing Zero Escape: Zero Time Dilemma (2016), getting to experience character models and animations and environments that do not look like petrified burnt toast is a real treat. there's a whole lot of visual flair and style here. excellent english voice acting! everyone is so expressive and the fact that the models appear next to their textbox with the facial expressions is a really great touch, especially given that it lets us see our main character way more than we would have otherwise. even when they're not the person talking or appearing next to a textbox, characters look around and react to the things others are saying. it's a really really nice touch.
the "puzzles" are generally neat and inventive, but actually 'solving' them is sometimes annoying. it wasn't so hard that i needed to use a guide or anything, but sometimes it feels less like you logic'd out the solution and more like you just so happened to pick the correct option. the best somniums are the ones that truly lean into the wacky or emotional side of a character. they added a lot to the experience for me, especially with the branching paths.
in short: great game. loved it and most of the characters. excited to play the second one eventually! please less porno mags.
gosh. i have a million things i could say about this game, but i'll keep it fairly brief. (or at least, i have MUCH more i could say)
this game is so fucking insane. there's SO MUCH going on here, from the hilariously shitty animations, to the environments that look like they were rendered on my car's key fob, to the out of nowhere over the top plot twists. there's also SO MUCH about this game that i dislike. some reveals make things in other games uncomfortable, and some character personality changes are undesirable. it's not all bad for me though. i had a much more emotional experience playing this game compared to VLR. while i do still think VLR is better than ZTD, i enjoy the character moments in this game far more. also, the characters in this one are so much less gross personality-wise, and i didn't feel absolutely disgusted by random sexual harassment like i did in VLR. of course, there are still characters in this game i dislike. overall, even if the directions personalities go in and everything feel haphazard and arbitrary, i will not lie that i sobbed several times in this game and don't feel cheated out of enjoying those moments.
the structure of the game is cool!!! no notes there. at the start of playing the game i was like "oh fuck this is,,, yeah, huh.." but as i kept going, it makes sense why the game is like this (fragments, etc).
i think ZTD had really big shoes to fill after VLR. that's not to say that VLR was a masterpiece that can't be topped (because i do not hold that opinion), but because the scope of the Zero Escape series grew so goddamn much with VLR. you could argue that the whole series after 999 doesn't really "have a point" in more ways than one. but, at the same time, i think there's not really much else you can do to rectify everything. instead, we get a absolutely nutty bonkers game that had me saying "oh my fuck i love this game" to "oh my fuck i hate this game" every other hour.
puzzles are fine. that's it. they're fine. not enough of them, tho. i finished all of the puzzles like halfway through my playtime. worst puzzle design of the series for sure, but nothing is egregious.
i'm glad i played it, and i still had a good time, despite the numerous issues i have. i was consistently excited to play this game, even if i could tell that it kiiiinda sucks. zero escape is over. what the fuck.
🐌oops!
this game is so fucking insane. there's SO MUCH going on here, from the hilariously shitty animations, to the environments that look like they were rendered on my car's key fob, to the out of nowhere over the top plot twists. there's also SO MUCH about this game that i dislike. some reveals make things in other games uncomfortable, and some character personality changes are undesirable. it's not all bad for me though. i had a much more emotional experience playing this game compared to VLR. while i do still think VLR is better than ZTD, i enjoy the character moments in this game far more. also, the characters in this one are so much less gross personality-wise, and i didn't feel absolutely disgusted by random sexual harassment like i did in VLR. of course, there are still characters in this game i dislike. overall, even if the directions personalities go in and everything feel haphazard and arbitrary, i will not lie that i sobbed several times in this game and don't feel cheated out of enjoying those moments.
the structure of the game is cool!!! no notes there. at the start of playing the game i was like "oh fuck this is,,, yeah, huh.." but as i kept going, it makes sense why the game is like this (fragments, etc).
i think ZTD had really big shoes to fill after VLR. that's not to say that VLR was a masterpiece that can't be topped (because i do not hold that opinion), but because the scope of the Zero Escape series grew so goddamn much with VLR. you could argue that the whole series after 999 doesn't really "have a point" in more ways than one. but, at the same time, i think there's not really much else you can do to rectify everything. instead, we get a absolutely nutty bonkers game that had me saying "oh my fuck i love this game" to "oh my fuck i hate this game" every other hour.
puzzles are fine. that's it. they're fine. not enough of them, tho. i finished all of the puzzles like halfway through my playtime. worst puzzle design of the series for sure, but nothing is egregious.
i'm glad i played it, and i still had a good time, despite the numerous issues i have. i was consistently excited to play this game, even if i could tell that it kiiiinda sucks. zero escape is over. what the fuck.
🐌oops!
2011
Bastion (2011) is cool. i like it! it's got tight controls, it looks gorgeous, and the SOUNDTRACK goes sooo hard. seriously. there are some bangers. we need more sounds of hammers hitting anvils in songs, because that is the soundbite of my dreaaams.
by far the best part of the game is the soundscape: Darren Korb's sweet sweet bangers and Logan Cunningham's sweet sweet narration. the world of this game feels so full of life and yet so utterly ruined thanks to these two facets. the narration feels so natural and is so adaptive that it is almost as though it is completely tailored to your specific experience playing the game. if you fall off a ledge, the narrator will make a little joke about your journey ending there. there's unique voice lines for every combination of weapons you leave the arsenal with. in one area, the narrator even reminded me diegetically that i could use my specific special ability if the swarms of enemies were too much. it felt insanely organic, and as though it had to be planned that i would have that specific equipment in my loadout, but no! i could've had literally anything in that slot. the narration is so frequent that you may think it'd blend into the background, but i found it to be engaging the whole playthrough and it made me feel like the lore of this world was being transmitted into my brain via osmosis.
there's a pretty great sense of progression as you both build the bastion and build up your arsenal. there's always something to check up on, upgrade, or swap out every time you finish a level, which feels nice. there's a good number of weapons, and i'm partial to a good number of them. they're not all great, but i imagine there's some i don't care for that others swear by, so your mileage may vary. however, the final portion of the game where it forces you to use a different weapon was dreadfully boring and anticlimactic. it spits on all of that building up that i just gushed over and instead gives you the most clunky, unfun piece of equipment in the entire game.
the story and gameplay aren't all that crazy, but the narration and vibes are fantastic, and i would recommend this game based on those two factors alone.
by far the best part of the game is the soundscape: Darren Korb's sweet sweet bangers and Logan Cunningham's sweet sweet narration. the world of this game feels so full of life and yet so utterly ruined thanks to these two facets. the narration feels so natural and is so adaptive that it is almost as though it is completely tailored to your specific experience playing the game. if you fall off a ledge, the narrator will make a little joke about your journey ending there. there's unique voice lines for every combination of weapons you leave the arsenal with. in one area, the narrator even reminded me diegetically that i could use my specific special ability if the swarms of enemies were too much. it felt insanely organic, and as though it had to be planned that i would have that specific equipment in my loadout, but no! i could've had literally anything in that slot. the narration is so frequent that you may think it'd blend into the background, but i found it to be engaging the whole playthrough and it made me feel like the lore of this world was being transmitted into my brain via osmosis.
there's a pretty great sense of progression as you both build the bastion and build up your arsenal. there's always something to check up on, upgrade, or swap out every time you finish a level, which feels nice. there's a good number of weapons, and i'm partial to a good number of them. they're not all great, but i imagine there's some i don't care for that others swear by, so your mileage may vary. however, the final portion of the game where it forces you to use a different weapon was dreadfully boring and anticlimactic. it spits on all of that building up that i just gushed over and instead gives you the most clunky, unfun piece of equipment in the entire game.
the story and gameplay aren't all that crazy, but the narration and vibes are fantastic, and i would recommend this game based on those two factors alone.
2024
SWEDISH WOMEN WANT YOU TO KNOW ABOUT THIS 💯💯
this is that good good killer shit. as the final game in the series, Face Of the Killer is absolutely fantastic.
in its presentation, it's the most advanced, with even more from the game's camera. the prior games do cool things with the camera, yes, but this one kicks so much ass with all the new things it tries. narrative is progressed through the new uses of the camera, moods are set, and yet the classic Of the Killer camera 'jank' is all still wholly present. the use of 3D is increased, effectively, while still maintaining the delightful cartoony art style the series is known for. our main protagonist, BB, is even more expressive than ever, too. there are so many more unique facial expressions for our girlie, and i love her so so much.
everything really comes together in this one. with references to all the past games, it's an excellent send-off, and definitely my new favorite in the series. it's just as surreal as its siblings, if not more so. all of thecatamites' presented themes over the course of the series are present, while still covering new territory that makes his games so damn delightful and so damn meaningful as art. the concept of history is fuckin weird! the way that manmade constructions just kinda stack on top of each other is fuckin weird! figuring out what you're going to do after college sucks! what the fuck even is immersive theater?? yet Of the Killer doesn't stop there at those surface level observations, and makes whole games out of those concepts adorned with juicy social commentary. this one blends all of those fuckers together in a wonderful cacophony and honestly? i don't even feel smart enough to talk about any of it in a way that's constructive. maybe some day when i replay all of these games in the future, i'll take a deeper dive into the politics "of the killer". just know that i fucking love it and i agree so hard with many of the sentiments thecatamites presents in this series.
the game makes fun of many horror tropes, and then flips the script and ropes you in with them. it's a constant back and forth, and it isn't afraid to even make fun of its own construction at times. the humor is incredibly casual and so effortless, yet the more grim moments are still unsettling. he has this way of writing that makes you feel like you forgot how to read while still being coherent, and i love it to death. i'm sad that this is the last one, but damn, it did not disappoint me.
y'know, maybe they're right. history IS a nightmare-- and loving it!
this is that good good killer shit. as the final game in the series, Face Of the Killer is absolutely fantastic.
in its presentation, it's the most advanced, with even more from the game's camera. the prior games do cool things with the camera, yes, but this one kicks so much ass with all the new things it tries. narrative is progressed through the new uses of the camera, moods are set, and yet the classic Of the Killer camera 'jank' is all still wholly present. the use of 3D is increased, effectively, while still maintaining the delightful cartoony art style the series is known for. our main protagonist, BB, is even more expressive than ever, too. there are so many more unique facial expressions for our girlie, and i love her so so much.
everything really comes together in this one. with references to all the past games, it's an excellent send-off, and definitely my new favorite in the series. it's just as surreal as its siblings, if not more so. all of thecatamites' presented themes over the course of the series are present, while still covering new territory that makes his games so damn delightful and so damn meaningful as art. the concept of history is fuckin weird! the way that manmade constructions just kinda stack on top of each other is fuckin weird! figuring out what you're going to do after college sucks! what the fuck even is immersive theater?? yet Of the Killer doesn't stop there at those surface level observations, and makes whole games out of those concepts adorned with juicy social commentary. this one blends all of those fuckers together in a wonderful cacophony and honestly? i don't even feel smart enough to talk about any of it in a way that's constructive. maybe some day when i replay all of these games in the future, i'll take a deeper dive into the politics "of the killer". just know that i fucking love it and i agree so hard with many of the sentiments thecatamites presents in this series.
the game makes fun of many horror tropes, and then flips the script and ropes you in with them. it's a constant back and forth, and it isn't afraid to even make fun of its own construction at times. the humor is incredibly casual and so effortless, yet the more grim moments are still unsettling. he has this way of writing that makes you feel like you forgot how to read while still being coherent, and i love it to death. i'm sad that this is the last one, but damn, it did not disappoint me.
y'know, maybe they're right. history IS a nightmare-- and loving it!
2023
i think this game has let me live out the fantasy of going fast as shit better than any 2D sonic game has. it's not automatic, like 2D sonic's fastest segments, but instead still requires precision and finesse without level design that feels anti-speed for casual playstyles. it feels very tight and satisfying to go fast, and the game's whole design feels more speed-integral than most games i have played. the nature of every level essentially having an escape sequence is so fucking fun, and even if you don't end up actually pressed for time, the existence of pizza time as a whole is so purely enjoyable and exciting paired with the intensity of a billion enemies spawning just to be demolished by a hyperspeed pizza man as one of the most bumping songs ever plays.
i don't think i've ever been so enthralled by the art style of a game before. it's not a normal thing for me to stop in the hub area of a game and just look at the idle animation of the player character. every single entity and object in this game has so much personality and life in it, that it's almost nauseating how much attention to detail there is on even the most minor visual elements of the game. the fucking stupid rat "brick" is the best character design in anything in the world, and i will fight everyone to the death on this fact.
level variety is sick, with a fuckton of different unique concepts conceptually and gameplay wise with varying powerups that can drastically change the way the game plays. some levels were definitely better than others (i'm looking at you, golf, fuck you, golf), but overall, the selection here is super great and has some really neat design elements across the board. i'm glad there's a more tight and robust roster of levels that feel more singular and fully realized as opposed to sticking to a theme for an entire world and having multiple variations of the same concept.
i'm glad i finally got around to finishing all of the levels casually, and i will definitely want to go back for whatever maximum percent is in this game. the free 'noise' update just released recently, and i am extremely excited to play that soon.
i don't think i've ever been so enthralled by the art style of a game before. it's not a normal thing for me to stop in the hub area of a game and just look at the idle animation of the player character. every single entity and object in this game has so much personality and life in it, that it's almost nauseating how much attention to detail there is on even the most minor visual elements of the game. the fucking stupid rat "brick" is the best character design in anything in the world, and i will fight everyone to the death on this fact.
level variety is sick, with a fuckton of different unique concepts conceptually and gameplay wise with varying powerups that can drastically change the way the game plays. some levels were definitely better than others (i'm looking at you, golf, fuck you, golf), but overall, the selection here is super great and has some really neat design elements across the board. i'm glad there's a more tight and robust roster of levels that feel more singular and fully realized as opposed to sticking to a theme for an entire world and having multiple variations of the same concept.
i'm glad i finally got around to finishing all of the levels casually, and i will definitely want to go back for whatever maximum percent is in this game. the free 'noise' update just released recently, and i am extremely excited to play that soon.
the motion controls are much better here on the switch version compared to the wii, which makes everything so much more enjoyable. when they work, they work, but when they don't, the whole experience grinds to a halt due to how baked in the motion controls are to the whole game. there are button controls now with the right stick, but i tried it for a little and it just felt kinda weird because it "works" but the game isn't originally designed with the concept of moving a stick in certain directions.
overall, it's a fun zelda game with some cool and unique ideas. flying around in the sky is pretty boring. it's just go from point A to point B on the map with nothing interesting to catch your eye, as any chests need to be activated on the surface before you can actually open them, so it gets old pretty fast. skyloft, on the other hand, feels pretty barren for the start of the game, but develops into a location with a variety of sometimes tucked away mini little sidequests that are alright.
the dungeons are actually pretty different in this one, in my opinion. often, the game will give you new information about the dungeon or give you the dungeon map that shows you that there's a fake wall somewhere, etc., which feels kinda interesting.
link and zelda's dynamic is cute. ghirahim is fun.
overall, it's a fun zelda game with some cool and unique ideas. flying around in the sky is pretty boring. it's just go from point A to point B on the map with nothing interesting to catch your eye, as any chests need to be activated on the surface before you can actually open them, so it gets old pretty fast. skyloft, on the other hand, feels pretty barren for the start of the game, but develops into a location with a variety of sometimes tucked away mini little sidequests that are alright.
the dungeons are actually pretty different in this one, in my opinion. often, the game will give you new information about the dungeon or give you the dungeon map that shows you that there's a fake wall somewhere, etc., which feels kinda interesting.
link and zelda's dynamic is cute. ghirahim is fun.
2024
i’ve been playing this game every day since it came out, and have a good amount of wins on different decks and have gotten up to purple stake (the 6th difficulty) on one of them. this is definitely an rng game. that’s not necessarily to say i don’t think you can win consistently (at least on the lowest difficulty), but rng does play a big factor. as someone with over 1000 hours across platforms in The Binding of Isaac: Rebirth and its dlcs, i have heard a lot of different opinions about rng’s place in rogueli(k)(t)es. while i can totally understand feeling frustrated by the concept of rng having some sort of chokehold over how successful a run can be, i think that is largely the fun. when i play games like this with heavy dosages of rng, i’m not throwing shit at the wall and waiting for it to stick. i don’t restart over and over until i finally get a hot and sexy build with some good items that lets me beat the rest of the run into submission. you optimize. it sometimes feels impossible to win with the boons you are granted, but it is totally possible to get a higher winrate. you can get a win streak in isaac. you can even get a win streak in balatro (my highest is 5). reception for this game is pretty high, and for the most part, the criticisms i have seen are based around this concept of rng’s importance and not being able to win every single run. yeah! it’s frustrating to not win, but changing my frame of reference or end goal with games like this helps a lot. more skill-based rogueli(k)(t)es are pretty cool, and even some that aren’t quite as “skill”-based can still be good in my eyes as long as there are meaningful decisions you can make. in balatro, i think there are.
as i’ve started getting up into the higher difficulties, it’s clear that the odds get more and more stacked against you. i appreciate how the stacking difficulties are not purely numerical and add new features, such as eternal jokers that you cannot destroy or sell. there are even some positive use cases for such a joker, such as pairing it up with a joker that frequently consumes other jokers to power-up. it adds some nuance and leans away from just “haha you need higher score to win now.” that is still a thing, however, which i think is a little undesirable. there’s a good amount of unlocks with some cool and new effects. good cards become a little diluted, so it can sometimes feel like the odds get further stacked against you as you unlock things. i can’t speak to how the balance of the entire unlocked joker pool is. if you play this game, and you’re obsessively completionist, you’re probably going to have a bad time. to get a true 100% and all of the steam achievements, you have to win a run on the highest difficulty with every single joker, and beat every single difficulty on every deck. while this is a goal i will slowly be going towards, i don’t expect to ever achieve this. luckily, there are no real unlocks locked behind these goals, and there is a button in the profile page to unlock all the meaningful unlocks at once.
overall, i think this is a very fun game. while it’s not unfair to describe this as a time-waster, there is definitely some optimization and skill that can go into it. take full-completion with a grain of salt, but if you can look past the unfortunate state of the highest difficulties, this is a delight. the visuals are awesome, and the sound effects make my brain hum, but it’s not solely a slopfest throw-shit-at-the-wall experience.
as i’ve started getting up into the higher difficulties, it’s clear that the odds get more and more stacked against you. i appreciate how the stacking difficulties are not purely numerical and add new features, such as eternal jokers that you cannot destroy or sell. there are even some positive use cases for such a joker, such as pairing it up with a joker that frequently consumes other jokers to power-up. it adds some nuance and leans away from just “haha you need higher score to win now.” that is still a thing, however, which i think is a little undesirable. there’s a good amount of unlocks with some cool and new effects. good cards become a little diluted, so it can sometimes feel like the odds get further stacked against you as you unlock things. i can’t speak to how the balance of the entire unlocked joker pool is. if you play this game, and you’re obsessively completionist, you’re probably going to have a bad time. to get a true 100% and all of the steam achievements, you have to win a run on the highest difficulty with every single joker, and beat every single difficulty on every deck. while this is a goal i will slowly be going towards, i don’t expect to ever achieve this. luckily, there are no real unlocks locked behind these goals, and there is a button in the profile page to unlock all the meaningful unlocks at once.
overall, i think this is a very fun game. while it’s not unfair to describe this as a time-waster, there is definitely some optimization and skill that can go into it. take full-completion with a grain of salt, but if you can look past the unfortunate state of the highest difficulties, this is a delight. the visuals are awesome, and the sound effects make my brain hum, but it’s not solely a slopfest throw-shit-at-the-wall experience.
how the hell did that donkey kong feller fit through that fucking keyhole
the definition of adequate. no levels are too hard, and the game functions exactly how you'd expect. i never played the original version, and i did have some fun with it, so what more can you really ask for? i beat all the main levels with stars and might come back for the bonus levels later, but i don't really feel driven to at the moment. Mario vs. Donkey Kong (2024) is nothing special, nor anything to cheer about, but it's a game and you can play it and it's decent.
the definition of adequate. no levels are too hard, and the game functions exactly how you'd expect. i never played the original version, and i did have some fun with it, so what more can you really ask for? i beat all the main levels with stars and might come back for the bonus levels later, but i don't really feel driven to at the moment. Mario vs. Donkey Kong (2024) is nothing special, nor anything to cheer about, but it's a game and you can play it and it's decent.
positive wildlife conservation themes and pretty wholesome.
the gameplay isn't anything too insane. most of it is just taking pictures and pressing A until you've interacted with everything in a given area, but it's clearly created for a younger audience and so i don't think its fair for me to say "wow gameplay chugs" or anything like that. definitely the best part is trying to get all of the animals scanned on your phone, as you can listen to the sounds they make in the wildlife guide and then recognize that sound in game to figure out where they are if you can't easily see them.
unfortunately, i feel like so many birds look like each other (lmao) and that's kinda just a fault of reality, i guess, but when they're flying in the air and such it's very difficult to actually tell what a bird is unless you're pointing the camera at it. as such, a large portion of this game is spent looking at birds with your camera that you already have logged, which ends up feeling a little silly. totally could be a me problem though for sure. also, the wildlife guide is disappointingly bare. it has all of the creatures, what they look like, their scientific name, and their sound, but that's it. there's no fun fact or diet or wingspan or anything listed about the creatures, and that ends up making them feel more like checks on a checklist as opposed to creatures that you should strive to conserve, which i feel reduces the effect of this game overall.
there is a website called Ecologi that supports reforestation, and the creators of Alba, Ustwo Games, commits one tree to that mission for every game downloaded or sold. as of my time of writing, they're currently in place 5th on the leaderboard for businesses with just over 1 million trees funded, which i think is pretty neat. to conclude: Alba: A Wildlife Adventure is a cute and simple game without much mechanical depth, but one for a good cause. i think it's pretty easy to get behind, and definitely deserves to exist.
the gameplay isn't anything too insane. most of it is just taking pictures and pressing A until you've interacted with everything in a given area, but it's clearly created for a younger audience and so i don't think its fair for me to say "wow gameplay chugs" or anything like that. definitely the best part is trying to get all of the animals scanned on your phone, as you can listen to the sounds they make in the wildlife guide and then recognize that sound in game to figure out where they are if you can't easily see them.
unfortunately, i feel like so many birds look like each other (lmao) and that's kinda just a fault of reality, i guess, but when they're flying in the air and such it's very difficult to actually tell what a bird is unless you're pointing the camera at it. as such, a large portion of this game is spent looking at birds with your camera that you already have logged, which ends up feeling a little silly. totally could be a me problem though for sure. also, the wildlife guide is disappointingly bare. it has all of the creatures, what they look like, their scientific name, and their sound, but that's it. there's no fun fact or diet or wingspan or anything listed about the creatures, and that ends up making them feel more like checks on a checklist as opposed to creatures that you should strive to conserve, which i feel reduces the effect of this game overall.
there is a website called Ecologi that supports reforestation, and the creators of Alba, Ustwo Games, commits one tree to that mission for every game downloaded or sold. as of my time of writing, they're currently in place 5th on the leaderboard for businesses with just over 1 million trees funded, which i think is pretty neat. to conclude: Alba: A Wildlife Adventure is a cute and simple game without much mechanical depth, but one for a good cause. i think it's pretty easy to get behind, and definitely deserves to exist.