roc
2006
fever dream. someone's oc in their custom gmod campaign. an example of what happens when devs build around exciting new technology and forget to make it coherent.
from the moment i watched the extremely cavia intro cinematic, i was hooked. bullet witch is surprisingly comfy despite its wonkiness, and i laughed out loud several times at the bizarro cadences of the actors who definitely had zero or no voice direction. is it mechanically rich? no. is it stupid as hell and headscratching? is the final boss (as a reminder this is a third person shooter) like literally 30 minutes long? yes. but like... in a fun way. promise
from the moment i watched the extremely cavia intro cinematic, i was hooked. bullet witch is surprisingly comfy despite its wonkiness, and i laughed out loud several times at the bizarro cadences of the actors who definitely had zero or no voice direction. is it mechanically rich? no. is it stupid as hell and headscratching? is the final boss (as a reminder this is a third person shooter) like literally 30 minutes long? yes. but like... in a fun way. promise
1992
all style no substance beat em up, but it has a lot of style. flashy with bizarro character designs, you will leave mutation nation thinking about the giant sea captain who grows a skull from his stomach but promptly forget everything mechanical.
1990
mom can we get metal slug
no we have metal slug at home
metal slug at home:
no we have metal slug at home
metal slug at home:
1996
pov: you are watching me grind my face into bai hu
TOMAHOO! TOMAHOO! TOMAHOO! TOMAHOO! TOMAHOO!
TOMAHOO! TOMAHOO! TOMAHOO! TOMAHOO! TOMAHOO!
1991
breezy, hour long arcade game that can be best described as a sort of over the shoulder parry and riposte simulator. can feel a bit quartermunchy, but the game is legitimately 1ccable - just requires a bit of memorization. tip for anyone considering playing this - the a+b combination move is a lot more useful than the in-game messaging lets on, and you can interupt the enemies that do extremely fast combos by doing the thrust move.
also, I AM SATAN GOAT
also, I AM SATAN GOAT
the circus case is one of the most jarring, unpleasant, tonally dissonant experiences i have had in years. the game bounces back and forth from being engaging and dynamic to dull and colorless, and the villain in the end serves more as a tool for growth for phoenix than an actual character. this feels like an attempt was made but whiffed. looking forward to the much praised sequel.
2022
i laughed out loud. three whole times!
2023
i love that part in game of thrones where khaleesi flies into space and dodges nuke sized explosions
played at a buffalo wild wings. one of the greasiest, grossest cabs i have interacted with, but that isn't the games fault. i played a duck dynasty themed game where beavers were mooning me but then the duck dynastarians threw dynamite in their dam. you have to reload after every shot, there is nothing on screen to signify a successful reload and the slide itself is not super responsive. also featured was a "juggle duck calls in the air by shooting them" minigame. absolutely incredible stuff here folks.
super meat boy stage design/difficulty with standard metroidvania saving. leads to a lot of needless backtracking from savepoint instead of actually being able to attempt the harder challenges on offer. not my favorite design philosophy.
classicvania but closer in difficulty to super castlevania iv. not evil. boss patterns are jarringly intuitively readable.
one of the most blisteringly incoherent pieces of media i have ever suffered through
1996
fundamentally do not like that the grab button defaults to a counter and the actual throws are inputs. feels evil and kind of imprecise, and you end up countering when attempting to input throws a lot. oh, also helicopter boobs
beautiful game. peak 2.5d. i thought it was impossibly hard until i realized there was a shield button. my whole first run (i made it to the final boss and ran out of continues) i didn't use it at all. am i a prodigy? no, i am an idiot.
google lens translates the attack that turns people into allies as "fellow" which i just wanted to share with y'all
google lens translates the attack that turns people into allies as "fellow" which i just wanted to share with y'all
1991
made no real attempt to engage in the beat em up mechanics, but it didnt matter because i was smiling so much the whole damn time. this game looks and plays like eating cotton candy feels