It's fucked up, Ratchet immediately stopped having drip past the PS2 era

Me: No game deserves to be lost media
Union Cross: exists
Me: Uh oh

This review contains spoilers

Final Fantasy XVI is a complicated game for me to talk about. There are a lot of good things in this game I want to discuss, but there are even more bad things that outweigh them substantially. Forgive me if this is all over the place, I'm thinking off the top of my head right now. It's a frustrating experience, because when it's good, it's great, but then there's some extremely dire shit I can't get behind. Since Kingdom Hearts III's release, Square's been on a streak with excellent action RPGs releasing on a yearly basis from 2019 to 2022. XVI broke that streak for me. The story is intensely problematic, both in concept and execution. The game doesn't engage with its world and themes nearly as much as it should, and the way it portrays a lot of the cast is genuinely sickening. Elwin Rosfield is by all accounts a slave owner, yet everyone in the game speaks of him with such reverence and is portrayed as a paragon in the uncritical eyes of the masses in-game, including his own sons, long after his death. Yet his wife, whose name I can't remember for the life of me, gets labeled as a villain for wanting more power. My brother in The Founder, they're both fucked up. The cast in general may just be the worst of any mainline FF game. Clive is a very milquetoast protagonist, white bread is more interesting than Jill is, and nearly everyone else add absolutely nothing to the game. Speaking of Clive and Jill, I don't believe in their relationship at all. As someone who thrives on that shit whenever I play a game, the romance between them is so goddamn bare, the likes of which I haven't seen since Max and Chloe from Life is Strange. The only upside is I don't see their relationship as abusive unlike the example I just listed. Now, Clive's relationship with his brother Joshua is interesting and absolutely the best part of this game's story. It was the only time I felt genuinely captivated by FFXVI's narrative, and I wish there was more of it. Instead the game focuses on mundane side quests masked as story quests for what feels like hours on end without any real significance to the themes of the game. The game's pacing is all over the goddamn place, either feeling like it takes way too long for shit to happen, or feeling like certain scenes need a lot more breathing room. The game is nearly 40 hours long, about twice the length of your average KH game, but it says far less than those games do without half the thematic depth of those games. The pacing issues don't just stem from the story itself: the gameplay itself offers said issues as well. Battles go on for far too long to the point of overkill. I became legitimately exhausted at certain points fighting several of the boss fights simply because they overstay their welcome, and it ruins my view of them as a whole. They are not badly designed by any means, it's just if the length of these boss fights were cut down by about half, I'd enjoy them so much more. There's also the rate at which Clive's moveset opens up, and it is pitifully slow. Clive's basic combo sucks ass, and I wouldn't mind as much if the game at least paced itself out well enough, but you go such long periods of time in combat with it not evolving nearly fast enough to keep me entertained for such long stretches. I replayed Tales of Xillia 2 right after this, and it's night and day the difference in combat pacing between the two. Being fully decked out in FFXVI is like less than half the abilities you learn in Xillia 2, and that game has the extra advantage of not having 90% of the toolkit not tied to cooldowns. I'm not even gonna compare the combat to Kingdom Hearts II or III or even 1, because then it just starts getting sad for XVI. XVI is absolutely saved by its gamefeel however. It feels so goddamn great, from parrying to guarding to dodging, I have no real complaints in that regard. An action game can be raised significantly above its weight class if it at the very least feels good to play, and XVI more than succeeds in that regard. I just wish the rest of the faculties of the combat was as good as the gamefeel.

I don't like being overly negative when talking about video games. I'd rather focus my energy on games I like, like with my upcoming KH3 video, WHICH REFUSES TO BE FINISHED BECAUSE THE VIDEO EDITOR I'M USING IS A PIECE OF SHIT I WASTED 80 BUCKS ON- Anyway, FFXVI isn't without merit. It's got some great stuff in it, I just can't help but feel disappointed with what we got. After a string of great action RPGs where the worst game of that string is a high 8, FFXVI just feels so lacking by comparison. Maybe with time, I'll be more positive, but right now, I just wanna play something with more substance.

This review contains spoilers

Everyday I think about how Kirby got isekai'd and got back home by defeating the final boss with a truck. Truly ludokino

1994

What the fuck do you MEAN there's a level called "Twin Towers"?!

Between this and THPS5, it feels like watching your best friend become a coke addict

Jet Fusion? How about you jet towards some bitches?

People really out here gassing up Sonic Colors' writing for years when it has lines like "Hehe Baldy McNoseHair", actually wild when Black Knight is right there

World of Final Fantasy has a massive identity crisis. I'm only a few hours in, but man this is kinda dire. Sometimes it's a self-aware game that borders on Joss Whedon-tier with how much the menu winks and nods to the audience, undermining their intelligence with both that and the worst written protagonist I've ever witnessed with dialogue that would be laughed out of any Saturday morning cartoon, and other times it's this deathly serious game about lineage and memories, and I'm sick of the disparity. It's either commit to what you want to say or get the fuck out. People want to say Kingdom Hearts is childish and inconsistent in tone, yet shit like this gets a pass. It is easily the most patronizing a Final Fantasy game has ever been. I can't even bring myself to continue, let alone try to think about any deeper meaning it's trying to get across. Final Fantasy XV used to comfortably be the FF I have the most disdain for, but now the gap has closed significantly, and at least FF XV commits, even if its themes aren't explored well at all. WoFF doesn't. It takes a lot for me to say I cringed playing a game, but jfc, dude, I was cringing for most of my playtime. Not even Sonic Colors made me cringe this much nor this hard. WoFF has given me the worst first impressions of any game I have ever played, and that's saying something.

"If it wasn't titled DmC, you would have liked it"
Oh, so I'm guessing the name change would also take away the copious amounts of sexism, the despicable characters, the obnoxious writing, and horrendous boss fights. Okay, fam

This is Kingdom Hearts but for people who are weak willed

Me: Trails of Cold Steel 4 illustrates two things: the indictment of the concept of familial legacy and the importance of found family through the majority of both old and new Class VII, as well as previous series protagonists through the context of a potentially world-ending war involving opponents symbolizing that theme, including one of the series' main antagonists and unifying the series' themes by the end.

Also me: I want Alisa Reinford to headpat me and tell me everything's gonna be okay.

They deadass ripped a combo wholesale from Kingdom Hearts and thought we wouldn't notice

This is the Conker's Bad Fur Day of action games
I will not elaborate any further

Actual thoughts:
"No More Heroes III is a game that's going to have to do more now than just be a celebration of Travis being back for real after this one."
-TheGamingBritShow, The Meaning of Travis Strikes Again | Suda 51, Legendary Again

No More Heroes III, to me, fails at creating nuance at any point in its far too long runtime. It represents the worst traits of all of the post-NMH1 Grasshopper Manufacture games where Suda 51 was only tangentially involved in, made worse by being a game Suda actually directed. I have no personal attachment to the Kill the Past anthology since I never played them outside of the No More Heroes series, but considering that 3 follows up Travis Strikes Again, a game with a lot to say in a mostly somber tone, it fails to build on anything from these games in a meaningful way. At no point did I feel this game's existence was justified, a complete lack of nuance from a director who gave his games that in spades. I genuinely cannot tell you what the main theme of this game is, since it's just shallow commentary after shallow commentary. I really tried to find even the tiniest thing to latch onto in terms of themes, but what I found was, at best, surface-level, and at worst, works against any theoretical themes I tried to make up. At the beginning of the game, Travis goes on about being a hero who just happens to be a passing assassin. In No More Heroes, it's made explicitly clear that Travis is an irredeemable bastard of a man acting for his own interests of bloodlust and regular lust. How he gets to this point in NHM3 feels more out of circumstance rather than a genuine want to improve himself and become the hero he wanted to be in the second game. Travis Strikes Again made him realize that this current path he's on isn't worth it for most of its runtime, but by the end, there's an air of acceptance of his bloodlust and the fact that he's a bastard. No More Heroes III walks back on a lot of what NMH1 and TSA sets up, and instead of building on their themes and Travis's character, it focuses on one-off moments that never add up to anything and a VERY weird-guy view on sexuality in Kimmy Love. I fail to see anything deeper in what this game is trying to do. It feels like there's concepts of themes that the game fails to build on in any meaningful way. Is it about Travis and his idea of what a hero is? Is is about media and how it affects us? Is it about the sterilization of video games as a whole? Man, I don't fucking know. Even No More Heroes 2 was more clear cut in its themes. It a confused mess of ideas that never coalesce at any point. This also extends to the gameplay. In NMH1, all of the gameplay stuff in that game is to show that Travis is just some other guy trying to get by on menial work, showing a more mundane side of Travis. TSA is a top-down hack n slash meant to emulate the style of video games of old, building on Travis's character and the themes of the game through the gameplay. What is NMH3 trying to say through its gameplay? I tried to look at its combat system and minigames from every angle and came out with nothing. Even compared to specific action games that released a couple years ago, it fails to even come close, mechanically or thematically. I play games like Kingdom Hearts III or Devil May Cry 5, and I can tell both games use their mechanics to build on the themes of legacy and the importance of carving your own path. There's more to their gameplay than that, but I'm saving that stuff for the KH3 video, but back on topic, NMH3 does not use its gameplay to push any themes or pose any interesting questions. If I told you about any of its themes, I'd feel like I'd be lying to you, and I should not feel that way for a game of this nature. It also has the most baffling finale of any game I have ever played, a perfect representation of a game with a massive identity crisis, with a Smash Bros clone that comes out of nowhere and offers nothing of nuance.

Maybe it's my fault for wanting something deeper than what we got, but when you follow up something as thematically dense as TSA, I can't help but feel disappointed. It lags behind action games like the aforementioned KH3 and DMC5, games that are dense both mechanically and thematically, and instead of pushing the series forward with its head held high like they did, it feels like the product of a bygone era, a facsimile of its series.

Oh yeah, and Orca Force/ Dead Orca Force blows, I'm sorry bro.