Games I Dislike That Everybody Else Likes

Look, this works - but not only are these not really my forte to begin with, but unless you have some nostalgic attachment there's no real reason to go back to this one when there's like 40 million others that have followed and improved upon it (Madden NFL 11 will most likely forever remain my favorite anyway). It's mildly diverting for about 20 minutes until it becomes vapid, playing this with friends is almost absolutely necessary in really wringing the best possible enjoyment out of it. But did the menus really have to be so needlessly complicated? What was wrong with the ease of access from the previous games? Plus - for some God-forsaken reason - the way the 'tutorial' plays out is really stupid, in a game with such a steep learning curve that seems like a crucial miss. The big, blocky football players are funny though - even if I still think the visuals from the previous games aged much more gracefully. But points go to a pretty awesome intro sequence with some gnarly sacks played out to an original Ludacris song about football or something (lmao) and a sweet digitized-sports-graph backdrop - that was cool. Better than all that came before it, but these old sports sims just rarely ever age that well - even in spite of how fun this can be with multiple people. Arcade mode is the way to play, even with the added cringe commentary.

Obviously never reaches the creative or technological highs of Super Mario 64, but it's a pretty nifty clone with good graphics for the system and tight controls - not including the initially novel but ultimately infuriating camera that will send you to your untimely doom more times than one. And just in case you misinterpreted that, I didn't mean that it's just a janky camera system that might get you killed - no, it absolutely will get you killed from time to time and that's just a fact one must live with when picking this game up. I think most of its major problems for me can be tied directly to that, otherwise though this is pretty swift and occasionally funny with its incessant barrage of dated but sturdy pop culture references ("In a land before time, when Saturday Night Live was funny..." aged like a fine wine, along with plenty of others - the Austin Powers impressions grate, though). Samurai Night Fever, This Old Cave, and Honey I Shrunk the Gecko are the standout levels + BGMs imo. Not too shabby, way better than the first one.

A great 'shmup that really takes all advantage of the original PlayStation's hardware - I think even this game's supporters don't give it enough credit imo, it's absolutely a worthy opponent to Star Fox 64. Of course the game just looks tremendous for the time (pre-rendered backrounds always aged so much better than traditional 3D from this era, though both are displayed wonderfully here); but what I think really drives this one home is its atmosphere - transitioning with a natural ease from frantic on-rails shooter sections with constant action to chill Resident Evil-inspired walkaround third-person sections in the hub ship (I just wish there was a little more to do there). The story feels like a case of having a grand vision that needed to be cut back due to technical limitations, and it's a shame because there are some intriguingly dark themes that shine through in many moments - but it's just way too short to fully explore them. Double the length and put this thing on two or more discs and you've really got yourself a champion here. It goes without saying that it isn't worth the ridiculously inflated, market-manipulated price this goes for these days - but it's pretty awesome, and absolutely earned its reputation as a hidden gem on the system.

Top 50 Favorites: #27

Games I Like That Everybody Else Dislikes

So rigorously, fundamentally garbage that it actually spins back into brilliance. I've always found something tantalizingly awful about this series, they're so fucking stupid and hilariously bad that it's a blast every time - I really don't think these get the meme treatment they deserve a la something like Knack does. Literally just an even lazier reskin of the original with bugged trophies, a wide array of laughable visual errors, and another disgusting showcase of the seventh generation's Play-Doh facial animations. Evokes such peaks of human emotion as you go from wanting to die to heights of side-splitting hilarity at its total incompetence that you reach some form of enlightenment. Have such fond memories with this one, objectively a huge disaster - imagine wanting your name attached to this in any way lmfao. "So bad it's good" has never been such a shrewd motherfucker, even better with friends.

Games I Like That Everybody Else Dislikes

Game = 3.5 stars.
"Who Do You Voodoo?" = 5 stars.
Objectively a far 'superior' game to Dead Island Riptide: Definitive Edition, but I prefer the latter for how much more it serenades me with its shittiness. Though naturally this is still glitchy, ghastly, messy, and downright unfinished enough to be a fun laughing stock. Even on a second runthrough I still can't believe how much wasted potential this has - because I do truly believe there are nuance to the environments here, particularly the beautiful resort literally made to be pristine tourist eye candy turned into an abandoned wasteland of death and destruction. But of course they opt to do next to nothing with them except use them as mere window dressing for what I consider to be the tentpole of godawful pointless-fetch-quest open world non-storytelling which current blockbuster releases like Cyberpunk 2077 have all but fully digested. Rock-solid dumb fun, just play in moderation or your brain will turn to mush.

First half of story is master-fucking-class, second half tanks - I think this mostly set out what it wanted to achieve but I also think it only feels about 75% complete. Certain elements both narratively and mechanically seem like they were originally planned but cut out somewhere along the line because they ran out of time or money. It could have been more but I'm also glad it wasn't too much - there are way worse avenues to settle on than 'really good zombie game'. The terrific characters it offers up alone give it a pass in my book, and the combat is solid and all but expectedly gets repetitive somewhere around the halfway point. I loved slashing up freakers with the blade-bat. Though one last (kind of big) gripe I have with this and other more recent genre outings is its lame zombie design, I mean is it too much to ask for enemies that look at least a little distinctive? There are so many different varieties but most of them just look like the same 3 tired old people. Anyways, I still dig it a fair amount - but agree with the general consensus that it's missing something.

Games I Like That Everybody Else Dislikes

While I laugh at the fact that this was touted to be the 'big comeback' for 3D Platformer Collectathons while A Hat in Time already existed years prior, I still think this is fine. Nothing special, but fine. I can only assume that people who say this is one of the worst games ever made have only played, maybe like 3 games. At its best this reminds me of the cutesy, experimental Sega Saturn era of platformers - but it isn't really more than that, and I wholeheartedly agree with everyone else that this is mostly one big barrage of wasted potential in service of a cheap-looking, marginally aggravating experience. This being a retro throwback shouldn't really excuse so many antiquated game mechanics. I think its unique, comprehensive, aesthetically nice costume system (which I admit is still padded with repeats) and collection of genuinely great genre levels make it a worthwhile visit for like $5.00 - and come on, Balan's design is super cool. But why the fuck can't I just fucking replay the fucking Balan Bouts on the fucking spot, why the fuck must I fucking painstakingly reset the entire fucking level just to have the fucking CHANCE to try it again? Anyways, I definitely don't claim it to be perfect - but imo its positives outweigh its negatives for me. Even still, those cutscenes are pure thoughtcrime.

Even though I think this is only marginally worse than the highly praised Hitman: Blood Money, it's interesting to look back on a time in gaming where so frequently franchises asked themselves: "What makes our games not only work, but really stand apart from the pack?" and then proceed to absolutely fucking break them lmao. Takes almost everything that makes the Hitman series what it is and turns them cheap and un-fun; every so often you'll get a couple levels reminiscent of the IP until you're immediately reminded of its completely nonfunctional disguise system or some of the most heinously butt-ugly cutscenes ever put into a video game (including but not limited to Agent 47's worst design ever, his face looks like a bad bowl of bread pudding). I'll cop to having fun navigating its bizarre collection of levels in fits and starts (being able to knock out like 150 people in a bar for some reason being a highlight) and its voice cast is totally innocent - including Traci Lords and totally unhinged Keith Carradine + Powers Boothe. But so often its mechanics and rules are just godawful, and its equally terrible story betrays everything this series/character is. So it's just too much crap to justify a little dumb fun in the end.

Games I Dislike That Everybody Else Likes

Possibly ruined this one for myself by playing Hitman (2016) first, but I can certainly see why people love this - the story is kind of cool, the levels are kind of cool, the weapons and open-endedness are kind of cool, so on and so forth. But that's the thing, they're only kind of cool here - if you so happened to play most of the later games first then this just feels pared-down in comparison. Obviously for its day this was revolutionary and it still sports that classic PS2-era charm which is hard not to respect, but I refuse to subscribe to the idea that just because something was revolutionary at one point means that it will always stand the test of time. And even despite all that, the controls are shoddy and the executions are mostly lame, sometimes broken/janky, and stupidly specific to the point of not being that fun in general. But I digress, that final mission is - to put it frankly - fucking awesome, and it does feature the best version of "Ave Maria" which has rightfully since become iconic. But also... whatever, I have no idea what I would get out of this over playing the more refined 2016-and-on installments. Slightly better than Hitman: Absolution because there's more charisma, the narrative isn't dogshit, and Agent 47 doesn't look like a hemorrhoid. Oh, and the disguise system actually works.

Something I love as a distinctive, deliciously charming exercise in style which I have almost zero of that same love for as an actual video game. Just as riddled with lovable characters, offbeat humor, and an idiosyncratic visual flair as it is with directionless tasks, seemingly nonsensical puzzles, and obsolete game mechanics - the type of game which you always frustratingly have to look up a guide for in the middle of play when you really just want to sit back and take in its crisp atmosphere. Clearly a product of its time to the point where a remaster can only do so much to iron out the kinks, though I always loved how nonchalant it feels and I do have a certain fondness for this type of pseudo-point-and-click PC game with rad environments and an inventory system as unique as this one. Plus Manny is just a phenomenal lead character, and he has great chemistry with the similarly eccentric supporting ones too. But its obtuse nature is undeniably alienating and frankly inexcusable, I mean wtf even was that door lock puzzle with the scythe?

Fantastic puzzler moment-to-moment that suffers the same fate as many other entries on the system - once you've played the game for 10 minutes, you've pretty much seen the extent of it. Granted this one does add new environmental hazards and powerups as the game goes deeper into its sizeable collection of levels - and they do work towards the fun factor overall - but unlike superior puzzleball outings along the lines of Mojo! and Ballistic the way in which you acquire points just isn't open-ended enough to hold your attention as long, it's much more on the linear side by comparison. That being said - it's still got a pretty groovy, surreal vibe and is absolutely engaging when you're in the mood for it.

Technically qualifies as a video game. Irredeemable gacha garbage that contorts some of the all-time greatest racing levels of any franchise into a barrage of stomach-churning "Baby's First Pay-to-Win Scam"-looking junk. Even if you removed yourself from the idea that this is the epitome of Nintendo's insultingly greedy bullshit, the vehicles would still control like a dump truck with duct-taped windows in reverse. Plus, I mean... it still looks like this. Too watered-down to even fully hate.

Top 50 Favorites: #41 (Ultimate Edition)

Strong contender for most fluid, straight-up best combat in all of gaming. There are a lot of things to love about this one: Remedy's dependably batshit narrative, its sleek environmental mix of corporate and supernatural, the tremendous graphical prowess on display, etc. But I've always found it pleasantly productive that a game literally named Control has some of the most snappy and responsive controls in any game - and the fighting in particular is just leagues ahead of the rest, not only is the moveset/upgrading therein concise and effective but it just feels right, man. Like all of the history of video gaming - its evolutions, ideas, and all that - has led up to this particular combat system, as if I've been unknowingly waiting for it this entire time. The speed in which you can swap directly from beaming a telekinetic array of office supplies at an enemy's face to blasting a paranormal shotgun that auto-reloads ammo to just downright rocking some dude's shit with some ground-shattering melee attack is just... goddamn, it's bliss. Like, actual perfection. I see it as only a bonus that the rest of the game surrounding it is pretty cool, too. Severely underrated even by its endorsers imo.

Graphically impressive, aesthetically grim, mechanically dull, narratively ruinous. While personally I don't think Resident Evil 4 cracks even the top 3 RE games, it's always stupefying to revisit just how misread the success to that one was when they were creating this. Someone clearly must have thought that RE4 being more action-oriented meant that that was all people wanted out of them, or something? Idefk? At any rate, like everyone else has already mentioned sucking the horror out of this horror franchise was a huge mistake - one made during the beginning of gaming franchise hell, where tons of games thought that dumbass QTEs and being the most like a bland Michael Bay movie was the future. Which would be one thing entirely if the action or bombast here was actually that good - and it isn't really, the only worthwhile asset is the usual MVP Wesker in full Matrix ripoff mode. Even as cockamamie as Resident Evil - CODE: Veronica X was, at least it was still grounded in sincerely creepy dread and its silliness felt both fun and surprising. This has its moments but ugh, what a dud. Sheva Alomar is a total nonentity here and her A.I. should be studied by MENSA on how to make the most useless, annoying possible partner system you're of course forcibly chained to for the entire thing. And what they did to Jill Valentine in this is another crime entirely. I'm all for trash but this is just drab, though in its defense everyone who said this was racist hasn't actually played the game.

Graphically impressive, aesthetically grim, mechanically dull, narratively ruinous. While personally I don't think Resident Evil 4 cracks even the top 3 RE games, it's always stupefying to revisit just how misread the success to that one was when they were creating this. Someone clearly must have thought that RE4 being more action-oriented meant that that was all people wanted out of them, or something? Idefk? At any rate, like everyone else has already mentioned sucking the horror out of this horror franchise was a huge mistake - one made during the beginning of gaming franchise hell, where tons of games thought that dumbass QTEs and being the most like a bland Michael Bay movie was the future. Which would be one thing entirely if the action or bombast here was actually that good - and it isn't really, the only worthwhile asset is the usual MVP Wesker in full Matrix ripoff mode. Even as cockamamie as Resident Evil - CODE: Veronica X was, at least it was still grounded in sincerely creepy dread and its silliness felt both fun and surprising. This has its moments but ugh, what a dud. Sheva Alomar is a total nonentity here and her A.I. should be studied by MENSA on how to make the most useless, annoying possible partner system you're of course forcibly chained to for the entire thing. And what they did to Jill Valentine in this is another crime entirely. I'm all for trash but this is just drab, though in its defense everyone who said this was racist hasn't actually played the game.