Another Meh Soulslike

I had high hopes going into the final third of this game, I really did. Another Crab's Treasure for the majority of its runtime was a charming, funny, and ultimately creative endeavor that took a lighthearted approach to an overwhelmingly serious and intense subgenre of videogames. I found myself laughing at plenty of the character interactions and items that our protagonist hermit crab Kril encounters on his journey to return his former shell to his back. Moments like your first encounter with the taxes levied by the areas queen, making your way into New Carcinia, and rummaging through the Blighttown-esque Flotsam Vale fill the player with opportunities for laughter and intrigue. I had this game internally prepared for review as a Four out of Five Stars as I approached what should have been the final boss. It had its flaws, mostly lying in suspect hitboxes, poor camera angles, and a very low health bar, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. It wasn't until this fateful fight in which I was bugged on perfect dodges that sent me flying to the sky and back down into boss one shots that I realized where the cracks began to show. I defeated the boss using an in game assist, of which there are plenty, and realized I had only cracked the shell (hehe) of how much more this game had left... and how little of it was enjoyable.

Say what you will about the majority of Souls or Souls-likes as made by Fromsoft, but the final segments of said games are so quick. They end when they should end. They know not to overstay their welcome. I'd make examples here, but this isn't a review of those games. There's a power in having your player built up for a major encounter and having them know they are at what should be the end of the journey, the collective moment where they way upon their experiences and know they can put it all together for one last huzzah. In Fromsoft's games, this moment of self Spirit-Bomb always makes sense and is apparent. Another Crab's Treasure, a game that ostensibly takes inspiration in many ways from Fromsoft (I mean the area is called the Sand Between for example,) Aggro Crab wildly missed the mark on having the finale play out at the right point. You beat the boss and the game keeps leading the player into the worst areas for traversal, littered with the most annoying and rhythm breaking enemies, only to have a handful of multi-phase boss fights left and a needlessly deep narrative introduced. Man, even Lies of P in its endless frustration let the player know that the game was going to end after the one big dungeon, because it made sense.

My frustration with Another Crab's Treasure is that ultimately this could and should have been a game that was much simpler and easier to digest than it was. I get why the developers felt the need to make it deep and introduce a grandiose narrative into it, but it didn't translate to an enjoyable experience.

The act of actually playing their sophomore effort is a different story, that was overall pretty enjoyable. Minus hiccups and difficulty in later game encounters, the variety in shells and shell abilities makes for a fairly fun experience. You are implored to try different shell combinations and levelling up your character in different ways to play with the way you like to do so. If you want to go more physical strength heavy, you are allowed to. If you want to take advantage of the damage and buffs you can derive from the shells that Kril finds upon his journey, you are also allowed to. I enjoyed this and the mixing and matching of playstyles that... mostly worked throughout the game. Parry/dodge timing was overall respectable, yet had a noticeable input lag to it, and damage against enemies/bosses was very apt. An issue I have with many games that try to mold themselves around the Souls games or hack and slashes in general (looking again at Lies of P here) is that they struggle with damage sponging bosses to make them feel more difficult than they should be. Another Crab's Treasure did not do that, and I applaud the developers for that. Outside of combat, traversal and platforming leaves a lot of room to be desired here. No movement from point a to point b is too complicated but many times I found Kril barely missing jumps because of clipping issues on terrain and the climbing mechanic not really snagging the environments as it should have.

In reality I should probably rate this game lower than I did because of how poorly it ends, but my first few days playing were overall very enjoyable and I was a pretty big fan of the direction it took until the last few areas. I can't recommend Another Crab's Treasure unless you're looking for a complete Soulslike in a fairly saturated genre.

If I could jump that high...would I ever find the ground again?

Is it bad to jump that high into the sky of nostalgia? To let yourself slip away and put your head into the clouds? Will those clouds of nostalgia turn you against your peers who don't see the vision? The vision of a children's playground for you to jump around to your heart's content? Planting yourself on a little conveyor and riding on it like a first-person roller coaster? Pretending to pet the non-threatening round green birds that chirp "kiwi!" if you dare to shoot them?

I wish I could jump like Robbit, I wish I could shoot lasers like Robbit, and I wish I could make funny noises whenever I took a step forward like Robbit. Why is life such a bore? Why can't it be just playgrounds and rainbows? Why can I not be just like my hero Robbit? Fighting funny evil men with funny palm tree jellyfish henchmen.

Was it my mom's fault that she bought me this during a time where I got nothing for a majority of the year due to being a poor December baby? Is she to blame for this mess? My poisonous care for a simple video game that I had played too much? The rare time where I can attach my mom to a game instead of my gamer dad? My yearning for days that I didn't need to care about getting up for work in the morning? When I didn't have a constant worry for the struggles of others? Is it truly bad for me? To just make me forget, and make me care only about smiling and struggling to hold back my emotions? To just, feel once more?

Is it bad for me to feel like a kid again? For just one hour?

Why must life be so grounded...?

Let's go Robbit, let's jump and go...for old times' sake once more....

Every journey has a beginning. Whether it be a monumental journey that tells of some great hero setting out to accomplish some goal or to defeat a big bad guy, or rather it be something as simple as how one decided to go to the post office that day, there is always a beginning to every story, and that definitely rings true when it comes to video games. Some of us may have played thousands of games at this point in our lives, while others are merely starting to get into the hobby, but one thing that remains consistent between all of us is that we all had a first video game, the one that would introduce us to this vast, creative and limitless medium, one that either fully enraptured us to the point of seeking out what else you could find, or leaving a simple, yet enjoyable enough impression to where you wouldn’t mind trying anything else out in the future. So, I figured, for the 600th review that I am making on this website (I might be slightly insane), I figured it was about time that I covered the very first video game I ever played in my life, Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island.

I don’t remember the exact, precise details of how I ended up with this as the first game I would ever play, but I do have a bit of a brief summary based on what I do remember, which will do a good enough job at painting a picture. Back in 2003-2004, when I was around 3-4 years old as well, I was a dumbass little kid, not knowing what a video game even was, and most likely doing the things that most toddlers were doing back then, such as running around, yelling, eating weird stuff off the floor, and receiving plenty of injuries. One day, my Mom and Dad came home one day with a little present for me, which just so happened to be a gray Game Boy Advance SP, one that I still own even to this day, and one that I share a lot of fond memories with throughout my life. With this, I also managed to get two games, those being Pokemon Blue and Super Mario Advance 3: Yoshi’s Island, and with all of these things in hand, I had… absolutely zero clue as to what I was supposed to do with it. After messing around with the things for a bit, most likely opening and closing them, chewing on the sides of them, and so on, I then found out I can shove that weird gray rectangle thing into the big gray brick, while also finding a power switch on the system, leading to it turning on, and from that moment on, I was never the same.

So yeah, obviously, I have a lot of nostalgia towards this game, and while those early experiences were with the GBA port of the game rather than the original, it was still pretty accurate to that of the original game, to the point where I fondly remember several memories of me playing it as a kid, including one instance where I got so angry when I lost to the second phase of the Baby Bowser fight. It was my first instance of rage… you love to see it. But anyways, you all obviously didn’t come here to listen to me babble on about the past. You all came here to hear my opinion of this game, and if you couldn’t tell already at this point, I do still hold a soft place for it in my heart, and I love it tremendously. I can’t say it is perfect by any means,as it does have problems I will get into, but it was still fantastic all the way through, not only as one of the first proper Yoshi games ever made that wasn’t a puzzle game or whatever else, but also as the game that would drag me into the world of video games as a whole.

The story is very simple, yet very charming at the same time, where one night, while a stork is delivering two baby brothers by the name of Mario and Luigi to their parents, he is attacked by an evil sorcerer named Kamek, who kidnaps Baby Luigi and causes Baby Mario to fall down into the depths of the island below. Down on said island, a green Yoshi is taking a nice, leisurely stroll, until he then finds Baby Mario falling right on his back, while also dropping the map that the stork was using to deliver the kids. After gathering with several other Yoshis on the island, they then deduce (somehow) what happened to Baby Luigi, so they all then set out, with Baby Mario alongside them, to go and rescue Baby Luigi from Kamek’s evil clutches, while he and his lackeys plot to take Baby Mario as well to succeed in their ultimate goal. It is somewhat of an odd story, considering how it de-ages the Mario bros. and shifts the focus onto the Yoshis, but it is one that you can easily get behind and want to see through, as you don’t wanna see Baby Luigi get hurt by Kamek……… he can hurt Baby Mario instead, considering how much you have to put up with him in this game.

The graphics are still absolutely amazing even to this day, being one of the best looking games from the SNES library, let alone the best looking platformer on the system, having a very unique art style and plenty of vibrant colors, wonderful character, enemy, and boss designs, as well as plenty of vibrant environments that you will travel through for your whole journey, the music is fantastic, having incredibly up-beat and iconic tunes like this one that will play throughout the game, mixed in with some more “menacing” tunes like this one, most of them being a joy to listen to even after all this time, and the gameplay/control is mostly stuff that we have seen before from the Mario franchise, but not only does it remain really fun to play, but there are several different gimmicks that are present in the game that you wouldn’t typically find in other games.

The game is a 2D platformer, where you take control of one of many different colored Yoshis at a time, go through plenty different levels across many different standout locations amongst Yoshi’s Island, take out plenty of enemies either by jumping on them, swallowing them whole, or throwing others’ dead remains at them to drive the point home, protect Baby Mario at all times to not only prevent Kamek’s cronies from taking him, but also to make sure you won’t be listening to this sound for too long, gather plenty of different eggs to help you defend yourself, solve puzzles, and take down foes, while also gathering plenty of collectibles along the way, and take on some goofy, yet at-times threatening bosses, which range from being big, intimidating foes that can definitely give you a run for your money to……. this guy, who you defeat by just simply holding right…….. fucking flawless. Much of it is your standard platforming affair, even for those who are very familiar with Mario and his past adventures, but rest assured, despite the fact that it carries the name “Super Mario World” in its title, Yoshi’s Island manages to have plenty of unique elements that distinguish itself from Mario quite a bit, both in terms of its presentation and gameplay.

A lot of elements in this game have been done to death over and over again in many other games, such as going from left to right to the end of the level, defeating enemies, getting coins, and so on, but one of the ways that makes this feel much different than that of a typical Mario game is how you are playing as Yoshi the entire time. Naturally, he does not go about his business the same way Mario does, being able to swallow enemies and throw them around as eggs, and as such, this changes up how the game expects you to approach many situations, and it is great because of it. There are many instances in this game that can’t be cleared through just by running and jumping, but instead, you may need to figure out a different way to defeat an enemy or solve a puzzle using your flutter jump or your eggs, and while some of it can get tedious at times, most of it is incredibly solid, still feeling natural and just as fun even after all of these years.

Not to mention, there are plenty of things that this game has that expands upon elements seen in previous Mario games, all to its benefit. There are many different bonus games that can be accessed throughout the game, each granting you the chance of getting a GARGANTUAN amount of lives to use for the future, right alongside several items as well, which you can use at any time while in a level. Most of these items aren’t really all that useful, just being a means of helping you get to 100%, and the bonus games themselves aren’t anything too useful after beating them once or twice, but they can still be pretty helpful whenever you get the chance to participate in any of them, and in some instances, they can definitely get you out of a bind that you are in. Aside from that though, there are also the powerups in this game, which, rather than being the traditional ones we see all the time in typical Mario games, are instead a bunch of different transformations that Yoshi can take on for a brief period of time. You can become a helicopter, a submarine, a robot mole, and there’s even a powerup that allows you to play as Baby Mario by himself, running around and going up walls, because who gives a fuck about logic! Granted, not all of these powerups are fun to use, with some like that robot mole I mentioned earlier having some pretty awkward handling at times, but they are a nice change of pace whenever they pop up, and it is always really neat seeing just what kinds of things that they are willing to transform Yoshi into next.

So yeah, the game does have a lot going for it in the gameplay department, being very fun even all the way to now, but a lot of the reason why this game does hold up also has something to do with its presentation. The game was made with the Super FX chip, one that was able to do a whole lot more then what games like Star Fox could, and when you play the game for yourself, you can really see it working perfectly in harmony. Sprites will frequently change sizes to fit the situations, enemies will jump from the background to the foreground, there are 3D objects that can be interacted with, and the way that some enemies and sprites move around looks much more impressive then any other game from the SNES at that point. Hell, even just by watching the intro sequence, you can see just what kind of stuff this game was capable of, and while it does look a little rough nowadays, I can imagine this kind of thing blowing peoples’ minds back in the day, and it has aged pretty wonderfully overtime. Not to mention, the general art style of the game is perfect in every way, making everything look so vibrant, lively, and adorable, to the point where I want to live on this island and never come back to civilization.

However, with all of that out of the way, I can’t let my nostalgia goggles blind me for too long, because I am well aware that this game is not perfect, despite it being very, VERY close to that point. While most of the game is extremely fun to play, great to look at/listen to, and has plenty of charming elements that makes it a must-play for any Nintendo fan, there has always been one element of the game that I never really liked, and that is going for 100%. For those that aren’t aware, in order to 100% Yoshi’s Island, you have to collect plenty of items in every single level, such as 30 stars to max out your life, all of the red coins, and the five smiley flowers for the chance at a bonus game at the end of the level. That doesn’t sound that bad, but trust me, completing these tasks is MUCH easier said than done, not only because of how hard it can be in plenty of places, but also because of how tedious it is. Getting a lot of these collectibles can be quite a gamble, especially in plenty of areas where you have to have perfect precision when it comes to throwing your eggs, or even in life-or-death situations where you can’t screw up, or else you would have to die or start the level over again.

That’s not even bringing up the fact that, once you do 100% the main levels in a world, you then unlock an extra stage to play for that world, and these stages can be quite the pain in the dino-ass if you aren’t prepared for them. This can be seen even as early as the first world’s extra stage, where for most of the stage, you are riding along the back of Poochy, Yoshi’s dog companion who is also be goodest good boy of them all, while going across a lot of precarious lava and tight jumps, while also having a very small platform to go back to every time you land. All of this and more awaits you when you decide to go for 100%, and while I myself usually tend to 100% the games that I play, I just simply don’t like doing that with Yoshi games. I dunno, maybe it’s because of how it was a series I grew up with, and is near and dear to my heart, but I have always found this games to be a “chill” series, one that I could just play, run straight through a lot of the time, not having to worry about much else, and I don’t think I will ever change my mind on that stance. To be fair though, I am not saying that going for 100% in this game is a bad thing at all, because it is still perfectly doable, and quite the challenge, if you so wish to go for it, but it is just something I don’t think I will ever be likely to do that much whenever I go back to one of these games. Not to mention, the last time I did 100% percent a Yoshi game was with Crafted World, and, ah hah……………… NEVER AGAIN.

Overall, despite me not really getting into the whole idea of 100% this game at many given times, I am eternally grateful that this managed to be the first video game I ever played in my life, as not only is it a wonderful place to start for anybody, but it is also a fantastic game in many ways, having a wonderful art style, fantastic music, addicting and satisfying gameplay, and a sense of identity that the series would carry on its shoulders all the way to this day, which is all for the best in my opinion. I would definitely recommend it for those who have never played any Yoshi game before, as well as those who are just big fans of Yoshi in general, because if you somehow haven’t gotten the chance to play this for yourself, then you are clearly missing out, because it truly is one of the finest platformers from the 16-bit era. happy sigh..... man, it feels great to finally get to this game, after I had been planning it for so long. Although, now that I am done with all my gushing, I don’t have any funny gag to end the review on. Uh… obligatory Touch Fuzzy, Get Dizzy reference. There ya go, is that good enough? Have I won the Yoshi’s Island internet prize, and will people like me now?

Game #578

I've played through the first episode of Doom many times in the past, but have never truly gave it a chance until now, and yeah, it's just as good as everyone says it is.

Even 31 years later, Doom is still just as atmospheric, labyrinthine, and fun as it was in 1993. Hell, it's even a bit scary at times, especially in Episode 3.
It has stood the test of time brilliantly.

fuck limbo though, all my homies hate limbo

Hey, y’all remember that one Konami game, Contra? You know, that really fun run ‘n gun game where you and a friend can join together, blast apart a bunch of aliens, take on a bunch of ruthless, yet incredibly satisfying platforming challenges, and just have a grand ol’ time together? Yeah, weren’t all of those games great? Well… what if we just made a game that kinda takes all that and… ruins it? Like, it doesn’t necessarily make the game one of the absolute worst things in the world, but it just removes a lot of the elements that made the original game fun to begin with, and what you are left with is an empty shell that feels like it is trying to be Contra, but it just can’t quite get there. That, my friends………….. would be Contra: Rouge Corps, but that’s for another time, because today we are talking about Cyber-Lip instead.

I had never heard about this game before playing it today, and it didn’t really sound or look like the most appealing thing in the world. The few screenshots I had seen did look cool enough, even if it looked like it was trying a little too hard to be exactly like Contra, but nothing about what I was seeing was really telling me that I had to check this out. That is, until I found out that the game was developed by SNK, and if there is any chance that I can take to make fun of SNK, then you damn well know I am taking it. So, I downloaded it on totally legal software, played it, and realized that… yeah, this is literally just the poor man’s Contra. This game is like when you have some kid on the school playground, doing some cool shit that everyone else is impressed by, but then you have that one kid who then goes “Not impressed! I can do that too!”, and they try to do the exact same thing, but ends up slipping up and falling on their face, leading to all the other kids thinking they are a loser and going back to the cooler kid. That is essentially Cyber-Lip in a nutshell.

The story is as generic as the game itself, where in the year 2030, a supercomputer named Cyber-Lip that was created for the sole purpose of fending off an alien invasion suddenly goes haywire, turning evil and joining sides with the alien forces to take over the world, so it is up to androids Rick and Brook to set out and take both Cyber-Lip and the aliens down and save the world, which is about what you would expect from any Contra game or Contra-clone, so this all makes sense. The graphics are fine, looking like if SNK just took the visuals of Contra and slapped their own filter over it, which does look nice enough, but nothing too impressive or memorable, the music is alright, having plenty of tracks that fit with whatever is going on in the levels whenever they pop up, but it is, again, nothing too memorable or exciting, and the gameplay/control is… well, take a wild guess as to how it is.

The game is a 2D run ‘n gun game, where you take control of either Rick or Brook, go through a set of six and a half different stages across plenty of different boring environments, shoot down any moving thing that you see before they can get the jump on you using whatever kind of weapons you can find, gather plenty of different weapons for your gun, as well as additional support upgrades to help you on your way, and take on plenty of big, threatening bosses that do have the same amount of difficulty and strategy one would find in a Contra boss, while also forgetting to bring the charm along with it. A lot of it is pretty standard for the genre, and I imagine if this was someone’s first exposure to run ‘n gun games, they would have a great time with this, but for all of us who have played one or two of these before in our lives, this is nothing all too exciting or fun that you can’t get from other titles from before and since.

I will give the game credit, as there are some interesting ideas at play here that I did enjoy, things that was implemented here before Contra would do the same in their series. First off, in terms of the weapons, not only are there a lot to choose from that can be refueled inside of these rooms you will find throughout the levels (which is kind of pointless, but whatever), but you can even swap between all of the weapons whenever you get them, even after you die. It isn’t much, but it is very helpful just in case you wanna stick with a specific weapon throughout, and it makes dying less of a bitch, as you can jump right back in with a power up as if nothing happened at all. Secondly (spoilers for a game that is over 30 years old), I also really like the ending, where you end up destroying the Cyber-Lip computer, and the guy that has been giving you mission briefings the entire time reveals that he is one of the alien invaders, and now that we have killed the supercomputer, he and his race can come down and take over the planet for their own use. Not gonna lie, that’s a creative plot twist for a game made around this time, and a pretty grim ending too, which I can definitely respect a game like this for doing.

Unfortunately though, everything else is either incredibly lackluster or plagued with issues. The main gameplay itself is very uninspired, providing very little innovation to the run ‘n gun formula other than that weapon swapping thing I mentioned earlier, while also feeling like a downgrade in comparison to those games, such as with aiming, where you can only really aim in several different directions, rather then the full 8 you got from Contra, as well as with the movement, where it can feel really weird and janky to control at times, especially if you try to move and shoot at the same time with some certain weapons (because you know, how dare I try to move and shoot in a RUN AND GUN GAME). Not only that, but there is also, of course, the typical problems that these kinds of games loves to throw at you, such as arcade syndrome, where they will throw plenty of enemies at you to deal with while paired up with difficult platforming sections, and a boss rush at the end of the game, although this boss rush is thankfully not that much of a ball-ache compared to other games.

Out of all my complaints though, I think my biggest one would have to go to the game’s auto scrolling levels, because they are EVERYWHERE. Seriously, I think half of the levels in this game are auto scrollers, which completely kills the pacing of a game like this, where instead of having non-stop, explosive action taking out all of these enemies, the game puts a hand in front of your face, causing you to have to play at its pace, which is not something my fidgety-ass wants to deal with. Now, I don’t wanna throw auto scrolling levels right under the bus, because in some RARE cases, these can actually be decent enough and provide a good challenge, while also not feeling like that much of a pace breaker. However, when these levels do pop up and break the pace, you FEEL it, especially when it comes to this game.

Overall, despite some neat little quirks here and there and having a gameplay set-up that works well enough, this is definitely the poor man’s Contra in every sense of the word, trying to imitate and copy everything that those games did while adding some more to it, while also completely missing several of the elements that made Contra fun and wonderful to begin with. I would recommend it for those who are HUGE run ‘n gun fanatics, as well as those who maybe wanna get into the genre somehow, because the game certainly isn’t bad, but trust me, you could do WAY better than this, even with the games that came out before it. But you know what, at the end of the day, if I were to give SNK and Cyber-Lip any credit for doing anything whatsoever, I will give them this………… this game is a hell of a lot better than Ikari Warriors. It shows that maybe, just one day, SNK will actually make a good video game that isn’t a fighting game….. or one that isn’t named Metal Slug.

Game #577

This game is rad. I had a blast replaying it, but there's all sorts of rookie mistakes and things that stick out in this game.

Like making 2/4 of your power-ups in the game AoEs. And the Gorgon Head being an instant kill device being a bit silly. . Or Rage of The Gods being a power-up that makes you invincible and changes your moves.
Or the small enemy variety, where you'll fight more and more legionaries for the entire game, with Minotaurs, Gorgons or Satyrs splashed in there, and Centaurs or Sirens making literally one appearance each.
Or this game barely having any bosses, and all of them lean a little toward set pieces.

Or how all the enemies have really quick counters and poor tells for when they'll break out of combos, so the game has a very heavy emphasis on having a back and forth with enemies and being vigilant and you don't get often get a chance to finish a lot of your combos. (this is both a fun and intentional thing and a bit of a flaw). Or how they can hit you from off-screen pretty often.

But for how many little things you can pick at, it all comes together, and so much of that falls squarely on the Blades of Chaos just being really fun to use, and learning to use the Blade of Artemis.
The pacing in this game is pretty solid too. The puzzles and platforming being pretty easy and breaking up the already-repetitive combat well, but the environments could be more interesting.

The story as well would be a fascinating topic, as for even with how this game nowadays just the slow reveal of the backstory of a character everyone knows (sprinkled at kind of random intervals), there's something that still pulls together. To be honest, nowadays it's hard for me to see GoW 1 Kratos as a complete monster.
I think the undercurrent of this game is that the Gods themselves have been using, and perpetuating Kratos's status as a monster for the past 10 years to do their dirty work. Their cruelty and selfishness is shown through the Architect Pathos Verdes's storyline, and I feel it's a reflection of Kratos. Of a man who gave his life to the service of the Gods and got nothing in return. With Kratos's famous line "By the Gods, what have I become...?" Kratos is having elucidation of how his time as servant of the Gods was ultimately not far off from the barbarism he perpetuated under Ares's name. Serving new masters, saving lives even, but still traveling and killing wherever he goes.
At the end of the game, it's revealed Ares's actions were a temper tantrum over never having gained Zeus's approval over Athena. And that's what Kratos gets at the end of this game: Forgiveness and approval, but Kratos has already realized this means nothing coming from the Gods. All he ever wanted was peace and penance, and the Gods never had any intention of granting him the former. Peace was only something he would be able to find himself. But even then, the Gods aren't done with him. He's their tool, after all.
So he takes the throne as the God of War. As a tortured soul, and the ultimate warrior. An embodiment of what war and power gets someone in the end.

I’ve always liked Super Meat Boy, but never loved it until recently. Being one of the first of the many “masocore” platformers, it’s always maintained relevance since the 2008 prototype. It doesn’t have any major gimmicks, and instead focuses on the games of old. You have a simple goal.

Dr Fetus has kidnapped Bandage Girl. Save Bandage Girl! It’s as simple as it gets. Well, what about the controls? You run, jump, and that’s it. So, where’s the fun? The controls. I firmly believe that Super Meat Boy has the best controls of any platformer released to date. Meat Boy is incredibly fast, while also having a floaty jump. Normally I’d say that this is bad for most games, but Super Meat Boy makes it work. All of the levels are designed with this high speed and floatiness in mind, stretching the controls to the furthest possibility. It’s most noticeable in the much later levels, but even then, this attention to detail is present in earlier levels. It makes the game feel truly limitless, by allowing you to speed through the levels, having an extremely high skill ceiling down to the very frame. It’s a bit unwieldy, but once you master it, it feels like you can do anything. And do everything you shall, because there's a catch. It’s called SUPER for a reason. Super Meat Boy is considered among the hardest platformers, and for good reason. It’s a relentlessly difficult game, doubly so for 100%, but that’s where the beauty of the game lies within. Sure, you may retry a dozen times just to unlock the Dark World level, but by all accounts, the game pushes you to that mastery by rewarding you for overcoming challenges. It wants you to succeed. It’s difficult, but fair, and one of the most rewarding to conquer. The levels all feel distinctive from one another, and each individual one teaches the player a different lesson throughout their short runtimes. The level progression of Super Meat Boy is nothing but incredible. It introduces a gimmick in one level, and each level builds upon it. And then suddenly, another gimmick pops up. And then another, and another, and another, until you’re working with all of the mechanics before you even know it. And then the Dark World version of the level shows how much better you can get with said mechanics. No gimmick feels underutilized, nor unfun and cheap, and no level feels forgettable at all. It emphasizes how strong the whole game’s design is. And if you really want a challenge, you can always go for the Bandages! The bandages of Super Meat Boy force you to master the level to even get a shot at them. Getting them is the easier part. Surviving is harder. If you so much as graze a saw with these babies, you lose the bandage, but succeed and the game proudly announces that you got the bandage. It's a feeling like no other. I had my shit absolutely rocked throughout the entirety of Super Meat Boy 100%. Getting the bandages really made me feel like I accomplished something, both in a metaphorical and literal sense, as unlocking bandages allows you to play as brand new characters.

Akin to The Binding of Isaac, all characters cover a specific niche. Meat Boy is your main man, with all of the levels designed for him first and foremost. The others give you entirely new platforming abilities, but typically have a stipulation, like for example, Commander Video. He gets a short float, but is pretty slow compared to Meat Boy. There's about 10 characters overall, a few of which require a secret code to be inputed. The cool thing about it is that most characters come from other indie games, making Super Meat Boy feel more like a video game which proves how far indie games have come. Even more interestingly, the console and PC versions of the game has different characters within them, each accommodating the difference in the Indie scene on PC and Consoles. The Warp Zones themselves have the same characters, so Commander Video from Bit.Trip, Jill from… Mighty Jill Off, Ogmo from Jumper, the titular character, Flywrench, and The Kid from I Wanna Be The Guy are all here and accounted for. Meanwhile, Gish, Tim, Guy Spelunky, Pink Knight, and The Ninja are console exclusive, while Headcrab, Alien Hominid, Josef, Naija, RunMan, Captain Viridian, and MR. MINECRAFT, are all exclusive to PC. In the end, it doesn't really matter which version you play, but it kind of sucks that we never got some Super Meat Boy Definitive Edition with all of the characters from both versions, but in general, the balance of characters is very solid. While The Kid is among the best characters in the game for the best double jump in the game, he is a lot slower and jumps lower than Meat Boy. And also, in order to even get him, you need to complete the 3 hardest levels in the game, back to back.

This is a perfect transition into talking about the bane of my existence. GOLDEN GOD. Is actually really fun! Super Meat Boy will take you about a weekend to complete, but GOLDEN GOD could take upwards of a month to achieve. I played on-and-off ad nauseam over the course of a year, amd Golden God completely transforms Super Meat Boy as a game. In order to achieve Golden God, you need to
- Clear all 7 Light Worlds, with an A+ Rank
- Clear all 7 Dark Worlds (aka X worlds), harder versions of the Light World, but no A+ ranks are needed
- Obtain all 100 Bandages
- Unlock every Character
- Clear all Warp Zones, sets of 3 bite sized levels with 3 lives per level
- Clear all Glitch levels (technically optional but adds to 100%)
So... yeah, any completionist certainly has their work cut out for them. The Dark Worlds alone nearly broke me, but damn did I pop off when I cleared every one of them. Chapters 1, 2, 3, and 6 are pretty manageable when it comes to their challenge, but I genuinely contemplated quitting the entire operation at World 4X. I was 100%ing each World at about 1 or 2 per day, but 4X threw off my flow by a lot. It took me about 3 days to fully beat it alone, and 5X only got more and more challenging. 5X is among the most challenging worlds in the entire game. Each level was a challenging contraption made with only the most difficult platforming setpieces in the entire game. But each time I died, the music always brought me coming back for more!

Super Meat Boy’s soundtrack is legendary, no doubt about it. Some of the most Newgrounds esque shit that you can imagine, but it’s some of that good shit nonetheless. Forest Funk was stuck in my head for months once I first conquered Super Meat Boy, Beatus Blues is an incredibly catchy tune. Can O’ Salt is a Minecraft song (described by one of my IRLs), Hell feels grand and imposing, and The Rapture feels like a goddamn military tune. The End is weirdly cinematic but also really good, and CHAPTER MOTHERFUCKING 7!

Chapter 7 is where my 100% streak really died off. I completed 5 levels a DAY at this point. There are no bandages, no warp zones, nothing. Just you, your controller, and Bandage Girl. Yeah, for Chapter 7 alone, you get to play as Bandage Girl. And these levels aren’t among the most difficult in the game, they ARE the most difficult in the game. Don’t let the happy music and overabundance of pink fool you. The Cotton Alley has some of the most pseudo-pixel perfect shit that you can imagine, but once again, it’s HARD but FAIR. I never wanted to ragequit because the game wasn’t unfair. It’s one of the hardest 2D platforming levels ever made, but one of the best. Every single piece of tech that the game taught you comes back for a spectacular finale, and a spectacular finale that is. This all culminates in the HARDEST level I’ve ever beaten. “The Four Letter Word” is IMPOSSIBLE. It’s 1 minute of straight pixel perfect platforming, easily the hardest level in the game, and it was 11 PM. I was in my room alone, with only the bright visuals of the Cotton Alley keeping me awake. But I was determined. And it took over a very long time, but after an hour, I saw Meat Boy. I was at the goal. I made the final jump, and dropped my controller. I was so satisfied, but I knew that was only half the battle. So, I got a good night’s rest, knowing that the following day would be hell.

Or was it? I powered through Cotton Alleys’ Dark World like it was nothing. I was Meat Boy. I felt the heaviness on my heart each time he died, but each victory kept me coming back for more and more. I crushed half of the levels like soda cans. But the remaining few pushed me past my breaking point. And with 4 levels to go, with just me and the game, I received... Golden God??? Welp, that was fun! Yeah, not sure why the achievement unlocked early, but I decided to leave it at that. But as the final completion reward, you unlock the Meat Ninja, who always runs and can teleport through sawblades after pressing X. You can’t use the leaderboards with him, but it’s a solid reward for 100%.

Super Meat Boy is a masterclass of game design, being one of the best platformers ever made. It has over 300 handcrafted levels, all of which test the player’s skills in the best way possible. It’s one of those pick up and play games, where you can play and clear a few levels, or complete the entire game in a sitting. It’s a fun game, to put it simply, and I can’t recommend it enough, now that the XBLA store is shutting down. Rest In Peace, but long live Steam. Welp. What is there to to cover now?

MYSELF. Yeah, I know this is pretty out of scope to cover in a controversial platforming series with a silly cube of meat, but I wanted to talk about another controversial platforming series with a Witch. A dark one, perhaps. Plus, it directly related to me and the near future of zeusdeegoose as a whole, and I’ve done so in the past with my Binding of Isaac reviews. So humor me for a bit, or, if you’ve had your fill, feel free to click off, and I wish you a good day. For many people within my Discord and other related spaces, they knew that I was re-reviewing The Legend of Dark Witch series in it’s entirety; keyword, was, and I have to upsettingly say that said review series is now canceled. Many people don’t know about it, and I think that’s a good thing. It was a series that I used to play in the past, and me and a few friends have heavily criticized over the past few years. We also have a bit of bad blood within said community itself. We were talking about it again and how the developer sucked, practically beating it down as a farce of a franchise, mostly leaving the community stuff out of it as a whole. And while I still agree those remarks about the developer, one discussion got taken pretty far as I took a jab at one of the wiki’s vandals, and that spiraled into one of the members of the server leaving. Initially, I thought it was going to be a lighthearted joke, but it was pretty inappropriate of me and for those involved, I do apologize. I won’t extrapolate anything further at the behest of the people in said chat, as the server that the discussions were held within was a private venue, and I don’t wish to share any links so said server.

Secondly, after said conversation, I realized something huge. I didn’t NEED to re-review the series. I mean, what would I get out of it? Initially, the thought going in was that this would re-introduce people into zeusdeegoose’s past by re-reviewing what got the ball rolling for the long ass review format and to bury the hatchet for the final time, but here’s the thing. I already kind of did that. I had already archived my Wiki reviews on Backloggd, and notwithstanding the occasional bias, my criticisms of each game have still held up. So the newer reviews would just be... lesser. I don’t have the energy nor the time to discuss every stage in Dark Witch 2 again when that would go against the overall message of the review series; that being that The Legend of Dark Witch is a dogshit series, aside from 1 and 2, and I don’t think it’s worth potentially burning some bridges just to prove my point. Me and other friends have already long since moved on, and potentially bringing a lolicon back into the spotlight simply isn’t worth the effort that’d I’d put into it.

Thirdly, I got burnt out. Ladies and Gentlemen, I LOVE tearing apart games I hate, believe me. Super Meat Boy Forever is one of my favorite reviews that I’ve ever made. But I can only say “This game fucking sucks” so many times before getting tired, folks. And that’s just the review side. Imagine playing 8 games back to back, 99% of which are mid, and the 1% are games that I’ve burnt myself out on and already played for hundreds of hours already (not joking, btw). I didn’t hate myself for booting up The Binding of Isaac, because The Binding of Isaac is an actually GOOD video game that I like. Wow! But whenever I boot up any Dark Witch game, I just feel disappointed.

Fourthly, who cares? I could make point after point about why NAN-A and The Legend of Dark Witch suck, but it’s fruitless. The Legend of Dark Witch is far past it’s eShop era where it was actually semi-popular. Hell, I’d bet now that the games don’t even average a sale a day, with the 3DS eShop now gone. Now, only a very small, inactive fanbase remains. Ever since me and others left, it’s a complete GHOST TOWN. Nobody cares about it anymore. I’ve barely heard anyone in my online sphere talk about it, and it remains as a niche franchise, like it should be. People got their balls blown off with 1 and 2, and then almost all of us collectively fucked off afterwards because the games SUCKED and it wasn’t active anymore. Now that the dust has settled, it’d only serve to piss people off who still give a damn about the series anymore. And trust me, they WOULD get pissed. I’ve seen it firsthand. And as funny as it would be, I don't want to act as if I'm some villain or something.

So... yeah. That’s all I got to say on the matter. Sorry to anyone who was expecting the review, and sorry to anyone who was involved in the first incident. It was a flawed idea from the start, and I really don’t have anyone to blame for the reviews except myself. Now, for real this time, I’m burying the hatchet. No more of my valuable time will be spent on a video game franchise made by some jizzer. I may edit this out sooner or later, because truth be told, it’s mostly irrelevant to a game series with a funny meat man, but I just needed to get my thoughts out, off of my chest, and announce that the series is canceled, as disappointing as it may be. Finally, I still have all of my Dark Witch reviews in a Google Doc, so if you'd like to see them, whether that be out of curiosity or otherwise, come on over. ;) Shoot me a DM to @zeusdeegoose, either on Twitter or Discord. They’ll remain forever unfinished, but hey, if people wanted to know how it would've played out, they can come and see. But now, with all that being said, lets just move on to greener fields because I don’t know what else to talk about.

Sooooo... it might be too early, but it may be time to start another review series. I’ve been playing a wider variety of games than ever before. Old games, new games, and even bear games. I’ve had good games and bad games, but it’s true love that we share! So I do have quite a few on my mind that I want to do. Blaster Master Zero, Super Monkey Ball, and Devil May Cry are all on my mind. So, I hope you’re looking out for those because they’re probably coming soon. Blaster Master Zero will probably be first up, as I’ve finished all of them, and then Super Monkey Ball and DMC will follow soon after. Again, there may or may not be a bit of a drought when it comes to reviews thanks to the aforementioned cancellation, so apologies. But, zeusdeegoose always comes back stronger than it was. So please tune in, when it’s ready of course. But in the meantime, I’m going back to the Basement so I can type more reviews. If you’ve read this far, I really appreciate your support, but please go outside. It’s almost Summer now, and the sun is good for your skin and health. Don’t be like me. Or hell, play Super Meat Boy! You wont regret it.

I have no idea why, but for some reason, every time I play one of Tour's tracks, I nail it, I’m not even close at being the best Mario Kart player at my friend group but I always land first in those… never in my life I’ve been so disappointed for being good at something.

This was actually the very first thing I played this year, going through all the cups with some friends on the night of January 1st, however, I decided to hold on talking about since I knew I wanted to get gold and experience them myself alone ‘cause I l knew that playing one after the other in one night while having a laugh will pals would be a completely different experience from slowly taking the courses in and playing them all in other while trying out the online and even more of the co-op, and boy oh boy was I right.

One thing I’ll give the Booster Course Pass as a whole is that is a joy to play through with friends, I mean duh, this is Mario Kart after all, but still, compared to other games in the series or even base Mario Kart 8/ 8 Deluxe, this is one of the few times where it feels wrong to not play at least three or four cups in succession when being with some pals. At first, I thought the reason for it was simply because of the novelty of the but after playing this whole thing in order I see the hold this can have; it’s almost addicting playing this whole thing, and ironically, I feel partly of that is because how poorly it starts off.

Wave 1 of the DLC is the single most underwhelming Mario Kart experience I’ve ever had; the track selection is mediocre at best and actually baffling at worst, visually it’s a far cry from the base experience —tho that can be said about the whole DLC or at least most of it, but it does get better as it goes on so there’s that—, some of the changes in the returning courses either don’t make anything to make them more interesting or at times they are for the worst, and to be completely honest, they couldn’t have picked a worst selection of courses from Tour to start things off, the first impression they give is abominable… but it actually gets real good real fast.

I imagine those that paid for the DLC day one must have had the sour taste way longer, but as someone that played the whole thing at its complete state, it’s super surprising just how much everything improves, to the point that by Wave 3 and onwards, the only Cup I’d call ‘’weak’’ is the Cherry Cup, and even then, it’s still pretty fun at times.

The selection of returning tracks gets better and better, the visuals and specially the sounds are even more of a joy with each passing cup, hell, even tho I started this review mocking them, some of the later Tour tracks were pretty stellar! And we even get some new playable characters which, in my opinion, round the roster perfectly, and I couldn’t be happier to finally see ma boi Wiggler playable again, and we finally have Petey and King Boo in the same game again! The boys, together at last!

The new courses couldn’t have surprised me more for the better oif they wanted to; there are some on the weaker side like the Ice Cream one, but Yoshi’s Island alone is probably in my top 5 of favorite tracks in general, and hell, as much shade as I’ve thrown Wave 1, Ninja Hideaway isn’t that far off either, and it alone makes the first two cups much more bearable.

The joy of returning to the Rainbow Courses of old, seeing so many new places and the returning ones given some pretty amazing changes (running on the rails of Kalimari Damazy was simply amazing), there’s something in here that shows nothing but care and passion, and makes me wish they could have had more time in the oven from the start, ‘cause most of this is truly excellent.

There are still flaws; it relays too much of city courses, every GBA course remake feels like a flip coin between it being the best thing ever or total bullshit, there are some major omissions while also other tracks that would have benefited from some changes… but at the same time, no other collection of tracks has left me and my friends wanting for more, to play more, to see more great courses or the promise of better ones in future cups.

At worst is middling or disappointing, but at best is stellar and pure fun, kinda makes me wish we also go more Battle Courses honestly, we got a entire race course based on a bathroom, so imagine the possibilities!

Also, now that the URSS is canon in the Mario Universe, by proxy that means all bootleg Mario games released on the Dendy also are. Sorry, I don’t make the rules, Somari will appear in Mario Kart 9 for sure…

Blasphemous is a gorgeous game. Its interconnected world is conveyed wonderfully. The abstract, isometric fast-travel map can be effortlessly read after uncovering most of the major areas - which really speaks to how well Blasphemous acquaints you with its many landmarks through engaging gameplay. Many areas are designed in such a way where you’re introduced to a few new elements, and those elements are iterated upon in later screens - usually incorporating some other elements and enemies from earlier areas, which can interact with the new stuff in cool ways. The shockwaves of a certain enemy causes you to fall from the wooden boards you stick your sword into; scythes swing as a grotesque beast and army of golden dolls slowly chip away at you - there’s a very excellent “complexity-curve” in most areas. Combat in general is woven through these areas in such a great way - at first my expectations made me play this game as though it was Hollow Knight, but I later realized how to properly fight enemies, and its environments became increasingly complex tests of awareness, planning, and timing - with the later screens of each area being excellent tests of what you’ve learned. It’s also impressive how each new area ramps up the challenge, each foreign setting feels like a war of attrition until the very end, and once you’ve thrown down some ladders of opened up some shortcuts in the area, they become easier to trek through - rewarding!!! The fantastic design of many of these areas are often lost on me whenever I have to make multiple treks through them, however.

There’s virtually zero things that change about your movement, and if you’re inclined to trek through some of these areas upwards of three times, it really wears on you. And you will be inclined - lots of interesting-looking areas and crevices are blocked off by some arbitrary requirement and it sucked being gated from them for so long. Blasphemous’ metroidvania structure often works to its detriment in this regard. I think if it were to lean into a more linear, challenge-based design, where its side-content is less upgrade-reliant, or the upgrades required for side-content were less obtuse to find, it’d be all the better for it. In my playthrough, I spent several hours combing the map to find a single upgrade that allowed me to explore more. Its lack of direction makes mentally mapping the world a rewarding experience, but lot of its side-content is highly frustrating to seek out. I don’t think this is a necessary concession to make - I think there could have been a better middle-ground. Instead, around the halfway point, these problems rear their head as the map balloons in size, certain unreachable areas from hours ago continue to taunt you knowing you’ve missed something crucial. My ideal Blasphemous “level” is structured similarly to its own Graveyard of the Peaks, Jondo, or Mourning and Havoc, linear affairs that test your awareness and combat. I just wish it was easier to figure things out on my own. I was still in awe from Blasphemous’ surprising second half, even if its increased breadth detracted just a bit from what I enjoyed so much from the earlier hours.

Part of why I enjoyed this second-half so much, and part of why I like this game in the first place, is its setting. So many locations and characters are LITERALLY stunning, I mean like, stunning, I had to stop and just look at them. Grotesque and painful imagery; gory and impactful animations; and some ginormous, colourful setpieces - all make Blasphemous stand out. Many areas are as emotionally potent as they are mechanically. The game is not at all afraid to show you an interesting character or vista or mechanic and then move on without ever bringing them back, a decision I love. Although boss fights lean the most into this kind of emotional, gross imagery, they suffer in my mind from often being large. Too often does a fight in this game feel unlike a fight, and more like a bullet-hell minigame, which works for other games and their tones, but not here I think. Though, these boss fights are absolutely not bad, some are among my favourite fights in the game, I just tend to prefer the more duel-like fights, of which there are still plenty. Plenty of fights are a great test of skill as well, I love fights that feel like fights.

Guilt-ridden imagery twists around every part of Blasphemous. While I’d be a fool to try and explain the nuances of these themes, there’s plenty of opportunity to dive into its greater lore through some item descriptions, which I found cumbersome to read as I kept acquiring more over time, but occasional looking at the descriptions of my more personal mementos gave me some wonder. It also provides a lot of interesting mythology, each area of the early game does a good job of setting expectations for the end-of-area boss fight. Blasphemous has a really consistent theme of “guilt,” which weaves itself through each major arc of the narrative. Its story is not easily understood, but its easily felt, if that makes sense.

Overall, Blasphemous is a game I’m amazed more than I’m frustrated with, and while I think I see clear area for improvement, I’m glad to have finally seen it through its entirety.

While there are some quirks lost in translation, the remake of Link's Awakening is a perfectly fine way to experience the original. The streamlined item management and seamless overworld go a long way to make this a more brisk experience - which could be worse depending on who you ask! Its remade visuals may not be for everyone, but I think they fit the surreal vibe of the game quite nicely, even if I think they could have went weirder with them. By far this game's biggest flaw is the shaky framerate and constantly flickering lighting.

Perhaps for me, who has beaten Link's Awakening DX multiple times, it was an experience that, at times, made me homesick. And I think many people who have played this game first, would feel the same way if they jumped ship to the Gameboy original.