Macklemore
Characters falling into the public domain? We gotta make a Winnie the Pooh slasher movie! Nah, son. We gotta make a Sherlock Holmes Lovecraft collab.
It was good. Very forgiving, but I still got 8 hours worth of "gameplay" from it, so I enjoyed it. Lovecraft being part of this crossover added nothing, except for the eldritch God being summoned being Cthulhu, but we didn't even get to see a fisherman ram his ship into him forcing him to go to bed, so what's even the point of having a named entity such as him pseudo-appear in your game? Is it so people will buy the game based on the properties used within? Was a Sherlock Holmes game where you play as Sherlock Holmes, and sometimes Watson, not enough? What other named property in the public domain are we getting soon? Steamboat Willie?
I struggle to rate this like I would other videogames, cause it's not a videogame. It's not even a VN, cause I barely made any choice that impacted the story and the characters. I also barely did any thinking required to solve the puzzles. I'm sure it has its fans.
It was good. Very forgiving, but I still got 8 hours worth of "gameplay" from it, so I enjoyed it. Lovecraft being part of this crossover added nothing, except for the eldritch God being summoned being Cthulhu, but we didn't even get to see a fisherman ram his ship into him forcing him to go to bed, so what's even the point of having a named entity such as him pseudo-appear in your game? Is it so people will buy the game based on the properties used within? Was a Sherlock Holmes game where you play as Sherlock Holmes, and sometimes Watson, not enough? What other named property in the public domain are we getting soon? Steamboat Willie?
I struggle to rate this like I would other videogames, cause it's not a videogame. It's not even a VN, cause I barely made any choice that impacted the story and the characters. I also barely did any thinking required to solve the puzzles. I'm sure it has its fans.
Why did I finish all the Batman Arkham games? Am I stupid?
Gamer picks up Arkham Knight hoping he's going to play another Batman game, actually plays a garbage Twisted Metal rip-off.
It's sad how much better this game could've been than Arkham City. It looks amazing, the movement is smooth, the voice acting is alright, there's not as many bugs as the previous game.... But why add a new mechanic to the game and forcefeed it to me? No one said the thing missing from this series of Batman games was the Batmobile. This series is not Batmobileman Arkham. Why fuck with a winning combination? Am I stupid?
Scarecrow farts over the city and I can't use the Batmobile? I smile. Batman saying he'll gladly huff farts if he can indulge in his mechanophilia fetish? My face contorts into a black hole and I suck my own dick to death. Arkham Knight destroys the Batmobile? I stop believing in black holes, therefore denying the existence of my face, paradoxically giving myself nothing but a smile. "Two phones, one for the plug and one for the load" ass Batman saying he's got two (2) of them? I register as a 9.5 on the Richter scale. Am I stupid?
Gamer picks up Arkham Knight hoping he's going to play another Batman game, actually plays a garbage Twisted Metal rip-off.
It's sad how much better this game could've been than Arkham City. It looks amazing, the movement is smooth, the voice acting is alright, there's not as many bugs as the previous game.... But why add a new mechanic to the game and forcefeed it to me? No one said the thing missing from this series of Batman games was the Batmobile. This series is not Batmobileman Arkham. Why fuck with a winning combination? Am I stupid?
Scarecrow farts over the city and I can't use the Batmobile? I smile. Batman saying he'll gladly huff farts if he can indulge in his mechanophilia fetish? My face contorts into a black hole and I suck my own dick to death. Arkham Knight destroys the Batmobile? I stop believing in black holes, therefore denying the existence of my face, paradoxically giving myself nothing but a smile. "Two phones, one for the plug and one for the load" ass Batman saying he's got two (2) of them? I register as a 9.5 on the Richter scale. Am I stupid?
This review contains spoilers
I liked starting this game and being under the belief that Black Mask would be the main villain of the story. That would be so cool, an under represented villain, with a cool look, (cause skeletons always make for cool designs, obviously), who was only in Arkham City for 1 millisecond having a game where he's the main villa- Wait, is that the Joker?
The moment I found out this was a prequel, I immediately knew they were going to bring the Joker in some capacity. Whether it was by giving a short cameo, or a segment where you fight him, I knew he was gonna be there. I definitely did not expect him to be the main villain AND Black Mask at that. Wow, I didn't want Black Mask in this game at all, I wanted him to be a clown on the inside just as much as I was made a clown on the outside! Villains are yet again wasted, Deathstroke, Deadshot, and Shiva offered less problem than Copperhead and Firefly. Deadshot and Shiva aren't even part of the main game, they're a sidequest that you can totally choose to ignore if you wish. I didn't, because I like both characters. All things considered, I should have probably avoided them. They didn't even get their own cutscenes. Sad, wasted potential. Shout-out to the one Mad Hatter sequence where you traverse an Alice in Wonderland style dreamworld. I got spoiled that Arkham Knight will have more of Scarecrow, so I'm quite hyped for that at least.
All in all, Arkham Origins is more of Arkham City, but noticeably worse. I applaud the fact that the core gameplay is kept, and the fact that the same weapons are retained (even though in this case it wouldn't make sense cause its a prequel?), but I dislike the fact that the game felt sloppier. The gliding was worse, the ragdoll physics of the bodies being punched around was noticeably wonkier cause I had people punched miles away by Batman, trying to counter two people at once barely worked when in City it worked perfectly, and... something was missing. I could chalk it up to bad PC ports, I could chalk it up to the game changing developers, but all I know is that it just wasn't the same no matter how similar it felt.
Also there are no sexy Harley Quinn outfits in this game, so it felt like a slog going through this game hoping for the best. She does appear, but she's boring ol' Harleen Quinzel. This is around the time video games started going woke, I suppose. Le sigh
The moment I found out this was a prequel, I immediately knew they were going to bring the Joker in some capacity. Whether it was by giving a short cameo, or a segment where you fight him, I knew he was gonna be there. I definitely did not expect him to be the main villain AND Black Mask at that. Wow, I didn't want Black Mask in this game at all, I wanted him to be a clown on the inside just as much as I was made a clown on the outside! Villains are yet again wasted, Deathstroke, Deadshot, and Shiva offered less problem than Copperhead and Firefly. Deadshot and Shiva aren't even part of the main game, they're a sidequest that you can totally choose to ignore if you wish. I didn't, because I like both characters. All things considered, I should have probably avoided them. They didn't even get their own cutscenes. Sad, wasted potential. Shout-out to the one Mad Hatter sequence where you traverse an Alice in Wonderland style dreamworld. I got spoiled that Arkham Knight will have more of Scarecrow, so I'm quite hyped for that at least.
All in all, Arkham Origins is more of Arkham City, but noticeably worse. I applaud the fact that the core gameplay is kept, and the fact that the same weapons are retained (even though in this case it wouldn't make sense cause its a prequel?), but I dislike the fact that the game felt sloppier. The gliding was worse, the ragdoll physics of the bodies being punched around was noticeably wonkier cause I had people punched miles away by Batman, trying to counter two people at once barely worked when in City it worked perfectly, and... something was missing. I could chalk it up to bad PC ports, I could chalk it up to the game changing developers, but all I know is that it just wasn't the same no matter how similar it felt.
Also there are no sexy Harley Quinn outfits in this game, so it felt like a slog going through this game hoping for the best. She does appear, but she's boring ol' Harleen Quinzel. This is around the time video games started going woke, I suppose. Le sigh
2012
I was going to write a genuine review of this game where I nitpicked every single thing I hated, and I was writing these things down as I played the games. This game has so many things that are a problem and make playing the game the single most abysmal thing you could do with a friend. I like how you have the option to play this with a random dude using the power of the World Wide Web to connect you guys, as if this game could ever be enjoyable with the random temperature level IQ caveman that usually plays online games.
And then I got to the Ada campaign with my friend. And I turned into Agent. And I was as much of a presence in the game as Ada's farts were in her underwear. And I realized how nobody cared while making this game. So what's the point of even highlighting the bad things if they simply didn't give a fuck😎.It was awesome, I wouldn't recommend this to anyone.
And then I got to the Ada campaign with my friend. And I turned into Agent. And I was as much of a presence in the game as Ada's farts were in her underwear. And I realized how nobody cared while making this game. So what's the point of even highlighting the bad things if they simply didn't give a fuck😎.It was awesome, I wouldn't recommend this to anyone.
2011
This game is an insane improvement over the first one. I'd say skip the first one entirely if there wasn't a lack of Scarecrow in this one, but pretty much every single villain comes back from the first one in this one. Jonkler, Harley, Bane, Killer Croc, Riddler, even third rate wannabe slasher villain Zsasz. This game offers such an interesting look into the Batman Mythos, it's got a who's who of famous names and fits them all perfectly in the story (as if a city wide prison wasn't a good enough reason for these characters to appear in the game). I especially like the choice of giving Clayface and Hugo Strange such a prominent, story-important role in the game itself. Clayface might be someone who people recognize and enjoy from the animated series, but I don't think a single person looked at Hugo Strange and thought "wow, my favourite Batman villain finally made it to a game. Oh hell yes!"
Another thing that this game does well is that every boss fight has the characters fighting to their elements, it doesn't have the Joker shooting himself full of Bane-adjacent gunk to fight you as a hulking monstrosity. Hell, you don't even get to fight the Joker, not really anyway. And I didn't mind a single bit. Just like I didn't mind fighting the RIddler. The way they are used in the story just works. The combat also flows much smoother than Arkham Asylum, and the movement in general around the city cured me of the syphillis that the movement in Asylum gave me.
Playing as Catwoman really dragged me down, I will say. I liked how she played, but every time the story flashed to her I immediately just stopped caring about everything that was going on and started playing the game like a braindead Let's Player. It dragged down what could have possibly been the perfect Batman game, and instead it's the perfect Batman game & Knuck- Catwoman. Such a letdown.
Anyway; glad every woman you rescue and every woman you don't rescue in this game has her makeup smeared.
Another thing that this game does well is that every boss fight has the characters fighting to their elements, it doesn't have the Joker shooting himself full of Bane-adjacent gunk to fight you as a hulking monstrosity. Hell, you don't even get to fight the Joker, not really anyway. And I didn't mind a single bit. Just like I didn't mind fighting the RIddler. The way they are used in the story just works. The combat also flows much smoother than Arkham Asylum, and the movement in general around the city cured me of the syphillis that the movement in Asylum gave me.
Playing as Catwoman really dragged me down, I will say. I liked how she played, but every time the story flashed to her I immediately just stopped caring about everything that was going on and started playing the game like a braindead Let's Player. It dragged down what could have possibly been the perfect Batman game, and instead it's the perfect Batman game & Knuck- Catwoman. Such a letdown.
Anyway; glad every woman you rescue and every woman you don't rescue in this game has her makeup smeared.
It was probably revolutionary when it came out, but nowadays you can truly feel it was actually a step backward from what an actual beat-em up should look like. Ironically, allowing Batman to make the choice where he takes the fight next is less freeing than making the choice on your own as a player. Spamming square is so much better than choosing where to take the fight and what weapons to use! I would much rather play this game than Devil May Cry 3! (No one has ever said this in the history of the world) It's understandable that this game is as lukewarm as it is, because it attracts the type of people that say pizza is their favourite food.
Why is it that random hoodlums in a stealth mission are more unforgiving than my actual canon enemies? Why were both Bane and the Jonkler straight out of a Crash Bandicoot game? Were the creators of this game stupid?
Minor Nitpick:
This game is (current year minus 2009) years old. Why the fuck does Steam default to a Xbox controller layout for any one controller? Who the fuck looks at an X and thinks "oh yeah this is on the right side of my controller, I will now proceed with clicking that button". X is always down. You guys are PISSING me off.
Sexy, sexy Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy.
Why is it that random hoodlums in a stealth mission are more unforgiving than my actual canon enemies? Why were both Bane and the Jonkler straight out of a Crash Bandicoot game? Were the creators of this game stupid?
Minor Nitpick:
This game is (current year minus 2009) years old. Why the fuck does Steam default to a Xbox controller layout for any one controller? Who the fuck looks at an X and thinks "oh yeah this is on the right side of my controller, I will now proceed with clicking that button". X is always down. You guys are PISSING me off.
Sexy, sexy Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy.
2024
It was a bold choice for Nintendo to market their E-for-Everyone franchises to the 18+ audience. The game was criticized for its heavy handed, almost comical tone. Although the voice acting and art direction were lauded the game was largely forgettable despite its unique premise. Nintendo fans should be happy to know a sequel will never see the light of day.
It's nice to know that Satan nor Death couldn't kill me, but I got 3 shot by a Golgoth Guard.
arr me boi we be sailing da seven seas where we get to sink ships with a fully customizable ship and we get to be pirates and find buried treasure
"but wait pirates did more than that what about p*ging and rng"
cough
"but wait pirates did more than that what about p*ging and rng"
cough
This game has the most realistic boxing game mechanics as it involves getting punched in the face repeatedly, but you do get to dodge the punches to be able to punch the other guy in the face repeatedly till he gets punched in the face. Sometimes there is even a punching animation for one of the opponents. It's crazy. I think I am going to punch the screen now.
(Game is good up until you get to Super Macho Man and then it becomes bullshit. I guess it was the only way for you to beat up so many ethnicities back in the day, so people found charm in it or something.)
(Game is good up until you get to Super Macho Man and then it becomes bullshit. I guess it was the only way for you to beat up so many ethnicities back in the day, so people found charm in it or something.)
1986
I can feel the music, I can taste the 80s in the air, I am transported to the golden era of arcade games. There is a sense of mystery, darkness and danger, while also enjoying the nostalgia of 8 bit graphics, an epic score and the simple yet fun gameplay. I truly feel like I am in the world of Castlevania with this experience.
Imagine playing a game called Buzz: Brain of Oz and being surprised when it sucks ass, you played yourself dawg
1999
There are too many characters and items. Too many items!!!! Who are some of these characters??? Why is there a floating star in the game? Do they not know that Mario is a game about jumping on bricks? Who the hell is this purple man??? Too many characters on some of these levels...
I do love the fighting. But damn too many items!!!!
I do love the fighting. But damn too many items!!!!
Detroit: Become Human is a game that attempts to show the humanity of robots.
More like Detroit: Become Boring When Not Play as Connor, am I right?
More like Detroit: Become Boring When Not Play as Connor, am I right?
1999
This game may have the worst soundtrack I've ever heard. The players seem to walk like their entire body is asleep. Why does a soccer game made in 1999 need to look like someone smeared vaseline over the lens? Why is this game so boring? I've tried multiple modes in the game and everything feels like a slog. I wouldn't suggest this game to anyone except extreme masochists.