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I do not know how to play tommy the sword of baseball but i asked jax after giving up after losing 0-20 or something by 3rd inning and he said it sucks too so im gonna say it sucks fuck you

vn fans be funny challenge (IMPOSSIBLE?)

A beautiful world filled with nothing but chores. Petting horses, talking to people, picking flowers. Even the missions are 90% dialogue then 10% of "action" where you do exactly as the game tells you or it's game over.

A deep dive into Suda's utterly incomprehensible cosmos of an intellect that blessed the medium with one of the most insane works to grace fiction. I fucking kneel.

This review contains spoilers

Spoilers will follow


A majority of RPGs today have their roots in Dungeons and Dragons. Even though these roots have often been obfuscated by some 40 years of iteration, they still provide an invaluable lens for observing RPGs. D&D is unique from most video games in that to play it you must actually roleplay, that is to say, you must be willing to partake in the fantasy of the game. The compellingness of this fantasy is, of course, the primary factor in your willingness to partake, and, as such, is critical to the integrity of the work as a whole. While traditional narrative driven video games are inherently quite different from Dungeons and Dragons, the player’s agency over a character who is part of a fictional world offers a similar kind of fantasy which is equally important. Satoshi Tajiri, the man behind Pokemon’s original concept, shared this sentiment in an interview, stating that, “Even though the presentation was limited by the console (referring to the original gameboy) the idea of exploring the natural world and forming bonds with the creatures around you is something most people can relate to passionately. The dream of an ideal world for exploration is the core of Pokemon.” A universal, engaging fantasy like the one found in Pokemon is an essential component to the success of any given JRPG.

And it’s for this exact reason that Shin Megami Tensei V is so foundationally rotten. I’m a huge fan of the Megami Tensei franchise and most of Atlus’ broader catalog, but despite my love — and despite beating the game four whole times — I still came away from this most recent entry extremely disappointed. So, what is Shin Megami Tensei V’s fantasy? What core of the human psyche is it trying to evoke? Luckily for me, Atlus was pretty transparent about what they were aiming for. It's very clear that they were trying to recapture the ideas that made Shin Megami Tensei III: Nocturne such a fan-favorite. In both games, the player is dropped in a desertified, hellscape version of Tokyo, and must use the power they gain while fighting their way through this world to shape its rebirth into one they consider to be more righteous. There’s a lot to love about this premise; The fear of isolation, the tension of struggle, the agency of being able to change the world. It’s a setup with the potential for deep catharsis. While Nocturne does fall short of its lofty ideas in some ways, that just means Shin Megami Tensei V had the potential to actualize them similarly to how Shin Megami Tensei IV did for the first game in the series. But knowing a developer’s intent can be a poisonous thing when it comes to observing a work as it actually exists instead of how it was intended to be. It's possible that I somehow simply overlooked the fantasy Shin Megami Tensei V was trying to evoke due to my familiarity with its predecessors. However, assuming that Atlus was trying to invoke similar ideas here, this game shows a jarring lack of commitment and focus to them in comparison to earlier entries in the series. This lack of commitment, more than any individual failing of the design, is ultimately what damns the game to mediocrity for me. Let’s start by looking at how the mechanics fail this game, as this series has quite the reputation for an intense gameplay focus atypical for JRPGs.

When discussing the mechanics, and more specifically, the combat mechanics of Shin Megami Tensei V, one thing sticks out to me as particularly garish in how it undercuts the player’s agency. This is the fact that the level difference between the attacker and defender in any given combat scenario applies a modifier to damage outside of stat differences. Put more plainly, if the attacker is lower level than the defender, then the attack will do less damage regardless of stat differences. This may seem like a sensible choice at first. “If the player notices this, then they can use the enemy’s levels to gauge what their own level should be, and stay on the difficulty curve.” I question the necessity of this, as levels serve this function in most RPGs even when they lack a damage modifier mechanic. Players will naturally appraise themselves against their enemies based on their level and will decide for themselves the range where they feel comfortable fighting enemies. More skilled players don’t look at an enemy that is five levels above them the same way as new players. While it’s true that if your level is on par with the enemies in Shin Megami Tensei V they will be more tightly balanced around your capabilities, it’s also true that this makes any encounter where your levels are mismatched extremely lopsided. You either outlevel the enemy and they can barely touch you, or they outlevel you and every encounter feels like a boss fight. This effectively narrows the range of engaging, fun experiences the player can have.​​ Thankfully, completing challenge runs or playing below the level curve is still possible in Shin Megami Tensei V, however, this mechanic pushes them out of reach for a large portion of the player base and often forces players who aren’t actively doing the game’s many below average side quests into grinding. This is further compounded by the baffling ways Atlus has chosen to diversify the pool of demons.

A commonly cited issue with Shin Megami Tensei IV was that demons felt too similar. The freedom of being able to select any skill from the demons being fused to give to the resulting demon allowed players to optimize most of their party members into one or two generic builds based on whether they were physical or magical attackers. While it could be argued that this level of freedom is a point in the game's favor, a more diversified demonic lineup would only be a good thing. Shin Megami Tensei V (and Shin Megami Tensei IV: Apocalypse) both agreed, and attempted to solve this problem in two major ways. The first was by expanding the number of skills that are exclusive to specific demons. Only seven demons had unique skills in Shin Megami Tensei IV, five of which are DLC bosses. Meanwhile Shin Megami Tensei V has almost seventy unique skills split across its roster despite having half as many demons to spread them to when compared with Shin Megami Tensei IV. Their other method for introducing variety was the affinity system. Starting in Apocalypse, demons have values intrinsic to them that dictate what types of spells they’re good at using. Both of these ideas sound good on paper but are once again, critically flawed. The demon affinity system only gives the most surface level difference to demons’ optimal builds while directly harming the player’s ability to come up with interesting viable skill sets for their favorites. An optimized electric demon still looks the same as an optimized ice demon in terms of their abilities. The only difference is which flavor of damage they do which also becomes a more meaningless distinction in the late game when bosses have fewer weaknesses and you’re adding a pierce effect to your attacks anyways. Unique skills are a much more appealing system on the face of it and that’s probably why they’ve been around in all parts of Megami Tensei since the first mainline game. The major issue being that it once again limits any player trying to optimize their party into a select few demons of any given type. Give up on making your favorite demon your healer if they aren’t Demeter or Idun because they will never be able to cast Eleusinian Harvest or Golden Apple.

JRPG players often seem to forget that combat is only one part of the gameplay experience. For the mainline series' big return to home consoles for the first time in around two decades Atlus decided to supplement the combat sections with the largest freely explorable areas in the series so far. By my estimation this just above mediocre exploration gameplay makes up the largest share of the game’s runtime and is where I was most personally disappointed with the game mechanically. This is because, beyond the fact that the set dressing is apocalyptic and demons are present, nothing is done to sell you on the experience of being a human (or technically a Nahobino I guess) exploring this foreign dangerous world. Enemies move much too slowly and simplistically to ever be considered threatening, outside of the very few instances where the level design funnels you into them. I was pleasantly surprised to see that the overworld enemies were not all functionally identical to the glitchy blobs present in Shin Megami Tensei IV. Enemies can fly, fire projectiles, vary in size and movement speed, and a few late game demons even have some unique tricks. That being said, all this effort is effectively wasted when you can easily outrun enemies in almost any situation, and even when they maybe catch you off guard, you can still instantly warp yourself back to the last save point with no down side thanks to how frequently they’re placed. Even if the save points were incredibly sparse it wouldn’t make these journeys more intense because movement, and by extension, navigating around enemies is always incredibly simple. Your jump doesn’t even carry dash momentum so your journey back to where you warped from is always as simple as just walking there. There is pretty much never any tension in the exploration segments of Shin Megami Tensei V. You never have to consider the journey you’re about to make mechanically beyond remembering to hit the heal button before you leave the save point. There is also pretty much nothing to actually “discover” in these segments. All possible rewards for exploration are clearly shown within the first couple hours of gameplay and the surprisingly good level design can only do so much to make you feel like you’re actually exploring when the only thing waiting for you at the end is a Miman. The decision to hide portions of the map behind the abscess fights is shockingly clever as it forces the player to really observe the surroundings to find a way to these blights. This is undermined by the fact that 80% of them by my estimation are just placed out in the open to be combat tests. I would have loved to have seen Atlus solve two problems at once by allowing the demons in your possession to interact with the environment in some way unique to them. This would at once introduce a new way to vary demons and also maybe require the player to be a little more thoughtful during their preparations for a trip into the Da’at. With combat, demon fusion, and exploration the game sees fit to limit both the players and its own expressive ability in some vague pursuit of balance. Instant kill spells and the tension they provided have been drastically toned down assumedly because they don’t provide a “fair combat scenario.” Enemy ambushes are infrequent because they could be considered “classic smt bullshit” if the player died to one. If there was anything I expected from a mainline Shin Megami Tensei post Dark Souls’ blowing up, it would be that the game would revel in its edgy, punishing reputation and push its classic RPG gameplay to new expressive heights much like Nocturne and Strange Journey did before it. Instead the edges have been sanded down and any punishment amounts to a slap on the wrist. The game instead is too concerned with presenting a pretty, polished version of a battle system we’ve been using for two decades now, for whatever that’s worth. If this vapid gameplay was constructed in service of some narrative component of the setting I could understand it, but sadly the setting falls flat there as well.

The setting is the aspect where this game is most directly comparable to Nocturne and anywhere it differs, it does so in a way that detracts from the game. Shin Megami Tensei IV saw no shortage of deserved praise for how it used its dozens of characters to really bring the worlds of Mikado and Tokyo to life. Nocturne similarly saw praise for the way its sparse storytelling and barren wasteland of a world imparted a sense of awe and isolation. Shin Megami Tensei V manages to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory and draw on the worst aspects of both of these approaches while reaping none of the benefits. It is both too lacking in compelling dialogue or developed characters to flesh out its world, while also being too populated for the player to feel any kind of isolation. The non plot critical humans all exist mostly unaware of the Da’at and as such have very little to say beyond “Oh man the world sure is scary huh.” Meanwhile the non plot critical demons are mostly delegated to very mediocre sidequests. There are some standouts in this group. Khonsu, Fionn, and Shiva are all tangentially related to the narrative in a way that makes their quests feel more impactful. A few others like the succubus quest stick out for how you engage with them but the vast majority are MMO level fetch quests or the most reductive law/chaos choices in the franchise, which the discussion around this game seems to hype up for some reason. I think this largely stems from the fact that the demons haven’t really formed communities or social hierarchies with the humans the way they have in Shin Megami Tensei IV. There’s nothing really unique to observe here in the characters or the way they interact beyond the group of Egyptian Deities that forms right at the end of the game. Even the fairy forest, which may at first seem to be exactly what I’m looking for, is incredibly minor and entirely derivative of prior mainline games. Every single mainline game barring If… to my memory has the fairies establish a community that serves as a uniquely peaceful place amidst the apocalypse. None of this is helped by the games lackluster aesthetic design.

Much has already been said about the games liberal palette swapping of the four major areas even by avid fans of the game, so I trust I don’t need to reiterate that here, but even beyond that this game desperately needs some visual variety. When speaking about Shin Megami Tensei IV, art director Eiji Ishida said “If we’d applied the ‘infernal’ design to the whole game, though, it would start to resemble one of those trite Western games with their overused post-apocalyptic motifs.” Sadly, it seems Ishida was not involved with Shin Megami Tensei V and as a result, the entirety of the Da’at is the trite apocalypse he was referring to. No room for interesting communities and cultures to form in this world. All we have is blasted out buildings and Miman. Not to mention the almost complete lack of any iconic Tokyo architecture which makes this apocalypse seem even more generic. Unfortunately the lackluster visual design extends beyond the environments themselves.

I consider myself quite the fan of both Masayuki Doi and Kazuma Kaneko. I have a few of their works framed on my walls and think that their work, more than any other individuals’, is what shapes mainline Shin Megami Tensei into something I love. That isn’t to discount creatives like Okada, Ishida, Yamai, or Kozuka of course. I just find an incredible amount of meaning in the art of this series. That being said, I don’t feel like either artist's work is used to its full potential here. It is cool to see a lot of Kaneko’s iconic demon designs rendered in 3D but with the man himself long since gone from Atlus, there is a notable lack of cohesion amongst his demons in V. One of the greatest strengths of Nocturne is the way the entire world felt blended together in the style of his art. His and Shiraishi’s oversight in the modeling process no doubt contributed to this. In IV, Kaneko had already passed on the mantle of the demon painter and as such cohesion is lacking there as well. That being said, IV used this to its advantage with a roster of over 400 demons and a plethora of designs from guest artists as well. While it is true that not all of these were hits, it led to some absolute standouts such as the four archangels and chemtrail. You could say that the absolute chaos of IV’s bestiary is what made it stand out in a good way. V once again threads the needle into an unsatisfying middle ground. The pool of demons is understandably smaller given the game's scope, but the game splits this small pool between old Kaneko designs, more modern ones, and Doi’s designs. Doi’s demon designs this time around also vary wildly in quality. He was given more demons to design than ever and was even allowed to handle the ones found in random encounters, which he had historically stayed away from. Two things stick out as in this set: . Legs, and tokusatsu. As if mandated by some marketing executives, most of Shin Megami Tensei V’s new female demon designs are constantly showing off their legs and seem designed primarily as cute anime girls with light mythological theming as opposed to actually being those myths. I’m not a prude or anything; I’m even a fan of Kaneko’s famous bondage angel design and his many literal gential demons. The problem here is they feel pandering. Abdiel for example is not served as a character or mythological figure in any way by her skimpy outfit. The trend of demons being characterized by their place in the story as opposed to their mythology actually began in Shin Megami Tensei IV and I would highly recommend @eirikrjs writings on the subject if you want a more thorough exploration of that in particular. That being said, Shin Megami Tensei V takes this further by seemingly having a large amount of its characters be designed in contrast to BOTH their mythology and their character. Beyond this issue (which could totally be a symptom of marketing focused direction or something) one of Doi’s eccentricities as an artist works its way into this game in a way that clashes horribly. This being the aforementioned tokusatsu influence. Aogami, the Nahobino, Tsukuyomi, Odin and even Lucifer stick out like they’re entirely different categories of creatures from the rest of the demons. Honestly it isn’t even an aesthetic I’m entirely negative on but I question its haphazard implementation here as it only serves to undermine any sort of focus the art direction may have had. For a future mainline game I would prefer to see Doi keep his stuff more in line with the Kaneko designs they seem intent on using for the rest of eternity, or for Doi to be fully unchained and Atlus allow the game to take shape around his unique aesthetic identity. Ultimately, the visuals fracture the setting in a way that makes it impossible for you to ground yourself in it while never quite reaching the surreal heights of other games in the franchise.

Visuals are only one portion of the iconic Shin Megami Tensei aesthetic and thankfully the music fared much better in this outing. Kozuka returns as lead composer for this entry and after his beyond stellar work for IV and IV: Apocalypse I wouldn’t have anyone else. His crunchy, distorted synths and pained, furious guitars capture similar emotions to tracks in IV but in the decade since that game they’ve only grown more intense. Tracks like ‘Humans, Demons, and…’ are absolutely electrifying and haunting at the same time. Compensating for this more blown-out depiction of Tokyo, a lot of the funkier tracks have been sidelined in favor of a huge amount of sparse, industrial influenced, sandblasted ones. The theme of the Tokyo Diet Building shows off this new sound incredibly well alongside the instrument at the core of a huge portion of this game's soundtrack, a feminine voice that is absolutely haunting in an almost spiritual way. A perfect fit for the franchise if you ask me. Of course Kozuka’s famous bells make a return in the level up theme and even the game's credits, sounding even better than before. But apparently Kozuka didn’t do all the tracks on the OST (and I have my suspicions about which tracks may have been done by Atlus Sound Team) but ultimately the music is one aspect where Shin Megami Tensei V does not disappoint. It feels like this is the score to the ideal game SMTV fell short of. (Just as an aside about the sound design though: Can we stop with the atrocious voice filters that all the demons use? They rob their lines of any sort of weight every single time. Oh, and play the game with Japanese audio.)

Earlier I mentioned how non plot critical characters harm the setting, but unfortunately the plot critical ones, along with the plot itself, hamstring not just the setting but player agency as a concept. The player spends the bulk of the game pushed around by forces greater than themselves that they may not even agree with. I cannot stress enough how just the concept of Bethel is entirely antithetical to anything this game had going for it. Working for an organization whose goals you only partially understand removes your agency. Working with other people ensures you never feel properly isolated and accountable for your decisions. Exploring the Da’at isn’t your adventure, it's your 9-5 job. You spend so much time doing meaningless work for Bethel that the game retreading Nocturne’s climax of the opposing parties fighting for the right to literally recreate the world came as a surprise to me just by sheer virtue of how poorly it was built up. Of course most Megami Tensei games end like that in some way or another but this game's pacing seriously just does not build to that at all. The first quarter of the game is spent confused as to the nature of the world. The second is a monster of the week story. The third is suddenly an assault on the final bastion of the forces of chaos which is pretty confusing in and of itself because last I checked we were getting smoked. Then, all of a sudden, in one of the games like hour long exposition dumps, the final act is set up to essentially be Nocturne’s Tower of Kagutsuchi. It might sound like I’m paraphrasing but I promise you it feels exactly like that as you play it. An entire half of the game is dedicated to telling you what a Nahobino is and then like 3 finales are crammed into the back half. You have no ability to decide what you do, you have no real stake in the story other than the fact that you want to live, why should you care about anything happening in the narrative? Oh and of course the one area Atlus decides to give the player total control of the story they do so in the worst way possible. In an utterly baffling move for the series, the player's ending is no longer determined by the summation of their decisions throughout their journey but a literal ending select screen. This is some of the worst streamlining I’ve ever seen in a video game. It cheapens every single decision the player makes throughout the game retroactively. You no longer have to roleplay in Shin Megami Tensei V because that’s not what this series is about anymore apparently. The cultural zeitgeist has turned this series into every vapid, reductive, twitter generalization you have ever heard about it. Shin Megami Tensei is a series with cRaZy hard gameplay and penis demons where you kill your friends now. Nothing more.

It's grotesque, disgusting, grimey, greasy, uncomfortable. The combat feels like you're playing with dried out clay and the music sounds like an assault of a possessed orchestra tripping out of their minds. And yet, somehow it all works in harmony to create one of the most unique and unforgettable experiences in gaming.

Yoko Taro's first game, Drakengard, works almost as a prototype for what's to come later in his career. The weapon collecting and grind for the endings is a bit more grating than it is in the Nier series, but it's just as rewarding and works in a weird way from a lore perspective. In addition, Drakengard also follows the same basic structure as the NieR series, despite the progression of the narrative itself being quite different.

The game also works as a thematic parallel to NieR and NieR: Automata, and the latter almost serves as an antithesis to this game. All the characters in the main cast are disgustingly bad people, maybe aside from Seere. The character writing is a bit lacking compared to Taro's other titles, and I've heard the NA localization of the game censors quite a bit, but the cast and plot is still compelling enough to keep pushing through the game.

Despite its notorious reputation of having infamously terrible gameplay, the atmosphere, soundtrack, plot, and characters all work together hand in hand to create one of the most interesting narratives I've ever come across. I don't know if I'd necessarily put myself through it again, but it's an amazing part of Taro's catalog and definitely something I don't regret playing.

The Legendary Theme is the greatest piece of VGM ever composed. No fucking cap, this song hits hard, it's a simple but emotional tour de force whose electric version is a killer power ballad and whose acoustic version is a bittersweet campside masterpiece. It's rousing and calming all at once, and if the game was just the two versions of this single, masterful song, I'd be pleased.

The fact that The Legendary Theme came packaged with a bunch of other fantastic songs, a killer cartoon aesthetic, and a quirky, off-kilter, FLCL-esque coming of age story is just a bonus at the end of the day. 5/5.

Joyfully tasteless like a massive fart that begins with an explosion of pure chaos, gradually receding as it fills the room with its stench, petering out into nothing but laughter and disgust. I know people get angry hairs on the backs of their necks when others compare video games to movies and use words like “auteur”, but I think it’s fair to say that Tomonobu Itagaki filled a role in the 2000s Gamerworld that was similar to that of Michael Bay’s in the the 2000s Movieworld: all stops pulled out at expense of any pretentious good taste, maximising the potential of computers to delight insane teenage boys worldwide. The inclusion of Playable Rachel in Sigma somehow finds a way to crank the dial on what was already there, allowing you to control a bikini sexbot of the classic Dead or Alive inflatable mold, strutting around The Vigoorian Empire with an iron thong up your arse that makes your walk cycle look like you shat yourself, balloon boobs flailing in wildly different directions every time you land a mechanically-sound-and-tactile Square, Square, Square, Triangle ground combo. This shit is practically gift-wrapped for a painfully horny kid on their 14th birthday, lol. Painfully, painfully awkward to be seen playing this edition, a mortifying ordeal of being known. Imagine showing the tentacle boss to your grandmother! It would fucking kill her on the spot, right? Big jets of polygonal blood spraying all over your shame. Game Over.

Still absolute mad fun to play, though. Don’t get me wrong.

Curse

1989

Below average shmup by the doofuses over at Micronet, who are also responsible for Heavy Nova (which is honestly so bad I'm not sure I'll ever get around to it). Very underwhelming and unrewarding, it's hardly longer than Slap Fight MD even. Feels way choppier than any game in the genre really should, bosses are way too easy, and the final level puts you back at the beginning of the stage instead of instant respawn like everywhere else. One major plus is the final boss' design, which is genuinely chilling and definitely one of the coolest I've seen in a shmup, but it goes down easy as hell just as previously mentioned. I dunno, man. It's a letdown on all fronts, but when you consider who the developers are it's far more playable than their subsequent games for the Genesis and the Sega CD.

The thinking man's Ocarina Of Time.

best in the series, love to go back to this one. will typical play with project m just for tighter gameplay but everything else about brawl (aside from tripping) is just a cut above the rest

I'm not gonna go ahead and say that Rift Apart is without issue or anything. Playing for too long in one session can cause weird visual glitches - hell, I ran into my fair share of collision glitches. Those are easy fixes. My main gripe is the reliance on enemy hordes in the middle of boss battles - it's either a great way to spice things up, or it makes certain segments more cumbersome than they should be.

For every part of Rift Apart I didn't enjoy, however, there's about 10 other parts that hit it right out of the park. The healthy weapon variety, and how fun they are to use, will have you switching for your life and improvising strategies on the fly. Your movement/combat options and the feel of the controls are spot-on - Phantom Dash is one of my new favorite moves in any game. Every planet is visually distinct and well-built in lore, and there's a myriad of cool setpieces.

I mean, what can I even say? This is peak action gaming. I'm floored by how every character has a complete arc - even the scrunkly little robot used for twin-stick shooter levels. I'm floored by what is now possible in video games. God.

Society's earliest recorded use of "good video gamese"

it's hard for me to write a review about this game. i feel like it was designed in a lab to be optimally enjoyable for exactly me, much like how McDonald's french fries are chemically engineered to be Mathematically and Provably Delicious for the general American public.

i can't talk about Neon White without talking about Arcane Kids. in the mid-10s, being someone who staked a lot of identity into playing games was profoundly embarassing. ignoring the truly heinous shit that goes without saying, year after year, AAA studios continued to pump out "mids at best." on the other side of things, "indie" games were no longer new and were in something of an awkward puberty. i can't tell you how many "physics-based puzzle platformers with a gimmick" i had pitched to me that promised to be Actually Good. they weren't. however, during this time, the Unity weirdos were churning away in their art scenes around the globe. the new derisive joke became "make a game in unity, make a million dollars." of course, the people making these jokes didn't know what they were talking about, but i guess none of us really did back then.

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Arcane Kids existed as something of an antithesis to the games of the time. when we had more than enough pixel-art RPGs, they gave us ZINETH. when we got innundated with walking simulators, they gave us Bubsy 3D: Bubsy Visits the James Turrell Retrospective. when indies decided to try and be funny with things like Goat Simulator, we got Sonic Dreams Collection, CRAP! No One Loves Me, and this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RNCyc3hzAw). while a lot of these games were "funny" or "jokes," they always had deeper ideas to them beneath the surface around player agency, the joy of moving your avatar, the love of Videogames As Videogames.

i cannot possibly explain how strange it felt to turn on the game and have the title screen after the intro cutscene splash in with a voice echoing "NEON WHITE" as the moodiest witch house track creeps in through your headphones. the fake scanlines, the neon glow on the characters, the tone, the vibes. i thought to myself, "they finally did it." as i played more, i confirmed my suspicions.

Arcane Kids finally made the game it feels like they had been working toward all these years. blazing fast, huge jumps, easy-to-learn-but-hard-to-master, tight, violent, horny, loud, freaky, all at once. in Mission 11, as breakneck-paced breakcore blasted out of my screen, i screamed aloud in my room to my partner who was watching me play "I. FUCKING. LOVE. THIS. GAME." in time with each click of the RMB that shot me across the map at incredible speeds. in moments like this, you know for a fact that moments like Bubsy pulling out an uzi and a katana at the end of Bubsy 3D or them subjecting a crowd of people at a game conference to vape trick videos that inspired their previous game (https://youtu.be/2pO23GTaBtk?si=ldB9w6CU2UC3TkHI&t=1791) was not just them contributing to the general irony-poisoned sense of humor of the time; they legitimately thought that it was tight as fuck.

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one line from the infamous Arcane Kids Manifesto (https://arcanekids.com/manifesto) that i always think about is "the purpose of gameplay is to hide secrets."

at a time when even FromSoft has started to move away from their smaller, more-focused world design in favor of chasing the lucrative open-world design potential in Elden Ring, it feels amazing that we have a game like Neon White that is about intricately crafted and infinitely replayable level design. after years of waiting, we finally have the one true Indie Puzzle Platformer, but this time it has guns.

the gameplay (for me, usually) fell into a flowchart like this:
-beat a level once and get whatever medal you get
-go back to find the secret gift
-during this second trip, notice which parts of the levels you can skip or save time on that were hidden to you before
-play the level a 3rd time to get a gold medal
-use the hint from the Gold medal to get an Ace medal on your 4th time
-over time, you begin to amass a collection of "hey, did you know this quirk" movement secrets like shooting bullets, bunny hopping after a dash, or sliding with the shotgun's discard

game design that calls attention to itself like this is beautiful. level designers are artists. we've known this since Doom WADs. however, in the time since Doom we've had several games like Gears of War, Halo, and their ilk that said "wasn't the sickest part about Doom being a huge buff guy with loud guns just blasting disgusting freaks and seeing them explode???" while that does indeed whip, Neon White is on the other side of the coin saying "wasn't the best part about Doom the level design and the joy of figuring out how to move as fast as you can through a level???"

after 11 years of watching speedrunning streams nearly every day, Neon White finally made me feel like maybe i could do it too. first you pit yourself against the Ace medal time, then your friends, then the Dev Times, then your own ghost, and then the world. to this day, i have yet to have a global #1, but i've had a #2 and two #3s. i'll keep going though.

[EDIT 7/17/23: i did it :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWT2b9pwRMI]

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Neon White is a love letter in videogame form

“Western adaptation of Snatcher” is the glib one-line review here, but it is remarkable how closely this game mimics Kojima’s Blade Runner fan-game in structure and content, to the point where I’m suspicious about whether someone from Westwood played the 1994 MegaCD release and saw the opportunity for an Officially Licensed Blade Runner™ Product. Click on a corpse, fly-by-night to a multi-storey police station, see a Coca-Cola advertising board with Japanese writing on it, that sort of cyberthing. The key difference between the two games is that Blade Runner is suffocated by the tedium of a traditional point-and-click-and-walk template - while the back of the box brags about not having any puzzles and a story that unfolds regardless of what you choose/fail to do, you’re still going to find your progression blocked by the pixellated whims of a 240p environment and the typical this-noun-then-that-noun chains that govern whether an adventure game can progress; best exemplified by me brick-walling 15 minutes before the finale because I hadn’t found out about the type of cheese sauce a sandwich had, which in turn had locked me out of a whole series of conspiracies that lead all the way back to Eldon Tyrell and the nature of human existence itself. Remember the part of the original movie where Deckard couldn’t confront Roy Batty because he’d forgotten to check which toy was in the Burger King Kidz Menu this month? (“This game really feels makes you feel like Blade Runner!” - PCGamer, November 1997)

To some extent, the game does succeed at making you really feel like Mr. Blade Runner - the music is here (amusingly, Westwood created a room the exists solely for you to stand around listening to Blade Runner Blues from the movie soundtrack), the sleaze is there, the neon is everywhere, and it does, on occasion, achieve the paranoid-android feeling of wondering and worrying whether the next person you interact with is going to be a hostile replicant (the game’s primary claim to fame is that they’re randomised on every playthrough). But it’s mostly superficial simulacra, Blade Runner for the fans who would display Rick Deckard’s Iconic Blaster Pistol on their toy shelf or drink out of a plastic whisky glass that looks like it came from the props cupboard of 2049. Gaff shows up to drop his little origami animals, but more as a referential signifier than a concerted attempt to implant any thoughts or memories beyond those of the movie; compare this with Blade Runner 2049, a sequel that used its predecessor’s philosophy as a foundation to build upon rather than outright replicate as this game does with its Dick Reckard protagonist and little Universal Studios field trips to the original sets. There’s a real lack of the ambiguity that defines Blade Runner - the (well-realised) Voight-Kampf Test’s role here as an absolute judge of character seems to fly in the face of that iconic scene with Rachael, and every crisis can be averted by presenting evidence like you’re a cyberpunk Phoenix Wright - quite the contrast with boozy Harrison Ford showing up half a day late to every crime scene reeking of cigs and regrets. Frankly, I expected more from the writing team who gave us this.

With regards to the “Enhanced Edition” claims - all signs seem to point to this being a big downgrade from the ScummVM port that launched on GOG a few years ago, and my playthrough on the Switch crashed to desktop twice with debug info being written to console (no!!! bad nightdive!!!) Avoid, unless you really wanna play this on console for whatever reason - the “classic” edition is bundled with every purchase of the new PC version now. There was a whole bunch of drama between the scene hackers who originally brought it back from the dead and the otherwise-spotless Nightdive, but seems like they’ve decided to bury the hatchet (due to literal death threats from “fans” over a 90s point and click game) so I won’t get into the morality of that particular can of highly-artefacted electric worms.