love it when those lil mfs go hup hep hip hep hup

a hundred hours too long and also bad, but pretty funny in co op and Jake’s campaign was genuinely pretty quality and should have been the entire focus of this game. definitely deserves the hate doe

so what happened to cloud and tifa? i thought this was supposed to be final fantasy

i was terrified this whole game that Zaeed was gonna offer me a bon bon

this is the game that breath of the wild was a tech demo for

2022

if playdead’s next game has more than one word in the title im gonna be so pissed

really doesnt do anything to improve the original's gameplay (i.e. the combat still feels muddy, especially compared to Sekiro) and also really fails under scrutiny when later sections resort to hardcore aggressive enemy spam that tests the player on how efficiently they can use their force currency to insta-kill enemies rather than actually engage with combat. it adds stuff, but its more facetious fluff than meaningful evolutions of the gameplay.

the metroidvania structure of the original is mostly thrown aside in favor of a more generic open world with side quests and fewer key abilities. it still maintains the facade, but the focus is definitely on being "big," the opposite of where the genre thrives.

story-wise its about as schlocky as the original, although somehow feels more self-serious. the drama still falls completely flat and includes more of it thanks to the naughty-dog-esque "slowly follow behind somebody while they mumble at you" sections during the massive walks between objectives. however, to a lesser extent than the original granted, it still is very much capable of that star wars shlock with insane plot twists and cool displays of force abilities. watching cal use sith abilities on someone because hes pissed about a recent plot twist is awesome, listening to him mumble to his girlfriend about nothing is not. one of those is much more prevalent than the other.

the reason im being so harsh, even though i do ultimately like the game, is because its a sequel to a star wars game. i dont feel like any leeway is granted in something so safe as that, and for it to take so few risks or even improve in any meaningful way makes me inclined to treat it a little more harshly. honestly, as an aside, so much about this game reminds of God of War Ragnarok which i had damn near the exact same feelings about.

heres the review: if you liked fallen order, youll like this. just dont expect to be excited by it.

that extends to the fact there are still ZERO circle wipes in a DAMN STAR WARS GAME

2010

i remember when “generic” indie games looked like this, take me back

dunkey really did irreparable damage to this game by making people think its hard to understand how la creatura accepts commands. it looks at you, you tell it what to do. what ACTUALLY sucks about this game is that there is nothing to it besides that. the story isnt really about anything besides your personal relationship with the dog, which didnt work for me as a guy that had a real dog in his lap the whole time. cute gimmick and some pretty moments, but a big fat waste of time otherwise.

DKC really is one of nintendo’s best franchises if even the bad one rocks

its better than the zeebo port, i guess.

this remake is an exercise in futility. almost everything new is bad and everything good about it is from a 20 year old game that remains superior to this. part of what made the original special is that it was isolated from the rest of the franchise, and in every sense of the word this remake's number one priority is to homogenize it with everything else while still being "resident evil 4" in the most half-hearted, pathetic way possible.

the tone of this game wants so desperately to be melodramatic and self-serious in line with the other remakes but understands that it loses all appeal if it doesnt still portray RE4-isms, so in one scene nu-leon will say "Fuck... this has to be different... shit..." and in the very next he'll do The Bingo Line or go "Whoopsy daisy, looks like I just kicked you in the head" a million times during combat because otherwise it won't get a 4.6 average on Backloggd. it wants to be new but feels to obligated to be old because it is literally a remake so the entire thing feels wholly disingenuous.

resident evil 4 was also an action game and the modern RE remakes are more of an exercise in frustration than anything, so nu-4 tries to mix both worlds without really having the engine to back it up. the amount of times leon would be stunlocked by an enemy breathing on him is enough to make a man insane, and the enemy states in this game are also much more vague than the original. the idea is that if you should them in the head or leg you can perform a melee, but sometimes enemies just wont be affected by these things at all and the player is left entirely out of control.

there are plenty of new additions that fans of a PS2 action game are sure to love also, such as
- Cut content sold later as DLC
- Weapon degredation, and speaking of which
- Stealth Kills (who asked for this)
- Parries (but dont use them, because your knife will break. also the game makes it super unclear what you can and cannot parry besides having a brief parry prompt in the corner, so its as if the game still has quick time events)
- That thing where instead of mashing to get out of grabs, you just stab them. This is really pointless since it also breaks your knife but enemies grab you so much more here that fuck it, you can have my knife
- Iconic new Side Quests such as "kill 3 rats" and "kill 3 snakes"
- Unlockable charms that give wonderful bonuses like 5% higher chance of enemies dropping green herbs or shotgun bullets
- A crouch button(??)
- A new enemy thats practically the same as Salvador but more frequent and nearly unstaggerable so hes really just an ammo toll, thanks

this game is just so phony in so many ways. lots of little things are worse. the regenerator music is louder and they become a standard enemy instead of having their own special moments. characters talk more and have less to say. arguably every single boss encounter is more "cinematic" instead of being dynamic, like Mendez hiding in the background to pick up big red barrels for you to shoot instead of just being a boss fight. the game in general is more cinematic and even has one of those fucking sequences where you just hold up on the left stick while a psuedo-cutscene plays. in MY resident evil 4

i fail to see any way that this remake is trying to do anything besides rewrite history, let alone one of the most historically significant games ever made. i shudder to think of the amount of people who will say "resident evil 4" in reference to this and this alone. it does wimpily try to emulate the original, so it can still have its moments, but otherwise adds positively nothing to the industry and has effectively only harmed the reputation of the 2005 game. im glad people love it as much as they do, and i wish so dearly that they would be inspired to see what the original is all about too, but chances of that are low. this is new, and thats old. morir es vivir, morir es vivir