The Magnum Dong Licensed Game List

Licensed games are like assholes; everyone's got them, but what matters is what asshole is better than the other asshole. Did that analogy make any sense, No? Too bad that's the best I can come up with.

(This list will never truly be finished since I can't play every licensed game ever made so I'm gonna be updating this game periodically as I play more or log more that I forgot to log in.)

The Nightmare Before Christmas: The Pumpkin King
The Nightmare Before Christmas: The Pumpkin King
This game ironically reflects modern-day Tim Burton very well, it's got style with some really nice visuals for GBA, and nothing else.

101

The Walking Dead: Michonne
The Walking Dead: Michonne
Don't really care all that much about this one, I was just really bored by it.

102

Spider-Man
Spider-Man
Compared to other Spider-Men games this feels the most like a rushed tie-in game. Which I mean it is but other games have been able to hide it better than others.

103

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed II
Star Wars: The Force Unleashed II
Inferior in pretty much every way, while it's still fun; I wouldn't say it's awful, but unlike the first game it gets old really fast and it's only 5 hours long so idk what the hell happened

104

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
I mean it's fine I guess, when it comes to Atari games where it's so simple I can't really say much about it other then. Eh it's just whatever

105

Star Wars: Return of the Jedi - Death Star Battle
Star Wars: Return of the Jedi - Death Star Battle
It's just like any other Atari game released near the crash, forgettable.

106

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III: Radical Rescue
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III: Radical Rescue
From what I've played it's the best of the 3 TMNT GB games but honestly that's not saying a lot considering this is still GB.

107

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fall of the Foot Clan
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Fall of the Foot Clan
GB games come in 3 categories, ok, shit, god awful. This one just falls under ok which is amazing for most GB games.

108

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Back from the Sewers
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: Back from the Sewers
It's not as good as the first GB TMNT game but idk what I expected from GB.

109

Star Wars: Squadrons
Star Wars: Squadrons
It's the ship parts of Battlefront 2 but made into a whole game, never been a fan of the ship parts so shockingly not a huge fan of this either.

110

Barnyard
Barnyard
Trying to play this in 8K is one of my most cherished moments with friends, other than that it's just a whatever kids game.

111

Batman: Arkham Origins
Batman: Arkham Origins
The most tedious and by the numbers Arkham game to date, at least the setting is pretty great.

No Clayface 4/10

112

Transformers: War for Cybertron
Transformers: War for Cybertron
I find War for Cybertron really frustrating. On the one hand I think its visuals look really nice and stay pretty faithful to the G1 look while also still giving it their own unique spin on the characters on the other hand the typical 7th gen gray filter makes it hard to shoot enemies when they also blend into the background making the game more frustrating than challenging.
On one hand I think the run and gun play is fun and really refreshing when it came to other 7th gen cover based shooters that were never good like Uncharted 1 or GoW, on the other hand it still plays like a stiff 7th gen shooter and unlike other games it resembles like Vanquish it’s slow and sluggish with enemies that are just bullet spongy enough to feel annoying. Along with that the arena level layouts all just suck. They feel very much gated into one way of progression and with how easily you can die if you’re not always on your feet the gameplay gets boring really REALLY fast.
On one hand I think the story is really neat, being able to see the origins of character relationships and events unfolding that I’m assuming the G1 show had in it’s lore (I’ve never seen any piece of Transformers media I just think the robots look cool), on the other hand the game’s pacing is really shit and having the Decepticon campaign start off the game really didn’t help since the beginning of the game is really weak; it only started it get better with the Autobot campaign but by that point the game is almost over and idk if it’s just a me thing but I just wasn't grip by the story personally.
If you can’t tell, I'm not a Transformers fan and I don’t really have any attachment to these

113

Green Lantern: Rise of the Manhunters
Green Lantern: Rise of the Manhunters
About as stander as licensed games come.
All it really does is ape on the "God of War-like" gameplay that was popular at the time and slaps the Green Lantern name on it. I guess it was playable but other than that it was just really unmemorable and dull.

114

Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
It's not Ice Age 2: The Meltdown................................... yeah nope that's it.

115

Space Jam: A New Legacy - The Game
Space Jam: A New Legacy - The Game
I mean I got the game for free so I can't complain too much but it's still pretty eh.

116

Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor
Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor
The Mcdonalds of video games, IE it's bland and boring as fuck but the only reason you eat it is because of the recognizable name.

117

Ice Age: Scrat's Nutty Adventure
Ice Age: Scrat's Nutty Adventure
It's about as middle of the road as modern-day licensed games come.

118

Star Wars
Star Wars
While it's not really good I've played far worse in terms of licensed games on NES, plus there is some really good looking pixel art used in the game which is impressive given the whole "NES licensed games" conundrum.

119

Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
It's about on par with episode 4 on NES, IE not great but has some really nice looking visuals for NES and especially for an NES licensed games.

120

Muppet RaceMania
Muppet RaceMania
Somehow has worse racing physics than Calvin Tucker's Redneck: Farm Animals Racing Tournament

121

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Arcade Game
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Arcade Game
It's pretty much what you'd expect from an NES version of an arcade game.

122

J-Stars Victory Vs+
J-Stars Victory Vs+
Anime was a mistake.

123

South Park: The Fractured But Whole
South Park: The Fractured But Whole
Modern-day South Park depresses the shit out of me man.

124

Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse
Family Guy: Back to the Multiverse
The Chicken fight was pretty good but everything else was just kinda bland.

125

Hellboy: Web of Wyrd
Hellboy: Web of Wyrd
As someone who is a huge Hellboy fan (Mike Mignola being a horrible person aside) you couldn’t find someone more excited for this game than me. From the amazing looking shaders Upstream were using to replicate Mignola’s heavy shadows art style to the combat looking fun from the small bits I saw from gameplay videos it look to be the first Hellboy video game that was not only a faithful adaptation from the comics; but also a good game on top of that. Unfortunately that’s not what we got, what we got is a super mediocre roguelike that is so piss easy and repetitive it fails at the most basic approach of being a roguelike.

126

Castle of Illusion Starring Mickey Mouse
Castle of Illusion Starring Mickey Mouse
Pretty whatever short kid game, it looked pretty nice for a cheap digital game but that's about all I can really say about it.

127

Pocket Mortys
Pocket Mortys
When I was still in school I spent a lot of money on this game. One day my grandmother asked me what I was spending all of my money and not saving it, I then thought about it and I had to ask myself "is this really worth it", I then spent around 10 more dollars on this game and it continued like this for another 5 months until I got bored with the game and moved on to something else.
I deeply hate past STRM so much.

128

Grimace's Birthday
Grimace's Birthday
I got the Grimace's Birthday meal, My mcnuggets were hard; as if they were left out for 30 minutes before I got them, my fries were shockley soggy, and the purple shake did something to my stomach that only 20+ dollars of Taco Bell could possibly achieve.
So all and all...........a surprisingly good trip to McDonald's.

129

Yo! Noid
Yo! Noid
Where's my money Dominos?

130

Up
Up
UP yours John Lasseter.

131

Spider-Man: Friend or Foe
Spider-Man: Friend or Foe
Besides having the novelty of playing as Spidy's rouges gallery it's a super mindless beat-em-up with very little replay value.

132

Spider-Man: Edge of Time
Spider-Man: Edge of Time
From the same game director who would later on being us Mass Effect Andromeda gives us the most boring of the Activision, but still not the worst.

133

The Amazing Spider-Man
The Amazing Spider-Man
Slightly better than the movie but not by much.

134

Transformers: The Game
Transformers: The Game
This game captured the movie in the best way possible, destroying stuff looks fun……………that’s it.

135

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
It’s shovelware in its least interesting form.

136

Epic Mickey 2: The Power of Two
Epic Mickey 2: The Power of Two
A downgrade in almost every way. Its world and story feels less ambitious, its gameplay is more simplistic, the writing is dull, the AI for Oswald is awful almost making it mandatory to play with someone, and worst of all; it's just boring.

137

Batman: Arkham VR
Batman: Arkham VR
One of the most boring VR games I've played. It has a fun novelty but it wears off very quickly.

138

Spider-Man: Far From Home Virtual Reality
Spider-Man: Far From Home Virtual Reality
I mean it was free so it's not like complaining about how bare bones it is but it was still super bare bones.

139

Muppets Party Cruise
Muppets Party Cruise
Mario Party but boring and unfun.

140

Hell's Kitchen: The Game
Hell's Kitchen: The Game
Cooking Mama if you have a degradation fetish.

141

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time Re-Shelled
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time Re-Shelled
Took all the charm away for the original and now we're left with a really mediocre beat him up.

142

Star Wars Battlefront
Star Wars Battlefront
A third-person/first-person shooter made for people who don't like shooters.

143

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Manhattan Missions
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Manhattan Missions
Slow and boring, just the way I hate em.

144

SpongeBob SquarePants: Revenge of the Flying Dutchman
SpongeBob SquarePants: Revenge of the Flying Dutchman
That jellyfish fields theme has hunted my childhood, and it's still there taunting me.

145

146

The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause
The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause
I expected worse from you The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause.

147

Cyberpunk 2077
Cyberpunk 2077
How many of you motherfucker even knew this was a licensed game, maybe if you did you wouldn't have your expectations so unrealistically high.

148

My Friend Peppa Pig
My Friend Peppa Pig
I'm sure if I was a kid and also liked Peppa Pig I'd be going crazy for this game, but I'm a 21 year old adult and I don't think this game was made for me.

149

The Itchy & Scratchy Game
The Itchy & Scratchy Game
They took the literal concept of the game and slapped it onto a SNES cartridge.
All you do is fight Scratchy with really bad hit detection while dealing with bad platforming until you hit him enough to where you fight him in a boss fight.

Honestly I would've liked it if they had gotten more creative with the concept but this was a cash-in so it's not like it mattered all that much to the devs.

150

The Simpsons: Bart's Nightmare
The Simpsons: Bart's Nightmare
On paper, this could have been a fun game but in execution it's super janky and bad. Really the most memorable thing about this game is that one time Doug Walker played it and got shit for being bad at a bad game.

151

SpongeBob's Atlantis Squarepantis
SpongeBob's Atlantis Squarepantis
Pretty whatever compilation of minigames, pretty mid 4 but taking 1 point off for not having David Bowie.

152

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Tournament Fighters
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Tournament Fighters
It's a fighting game on NES I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't shit.

153

Nickelodeon Kart Racers 2: Grand Prix
Nickelodeon Kart Racers 2: Grand Prix
It's a super cheap feeling racing game, if I were a kid I'd probably liked it but still I feel like kids nowadays deserve better.

154

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutants in Manhattan
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutants in Manhattan
Platinum what the fuck I thought you were better than this.

155

The Grinch
The Grinch
It's not as bad as people have said but it's still pretty bad.

156

Jim Henson's The Muppets
Jim Henson's The Muppets
From the same studio that made GTA 5, Bully, and RDR2. No I'm not joking look it up.

157

Austin Powers: Welcome to My Underground Lair!
Austin Powers: Welcome to My Underground Lair!
It's literally the same game as the Austin Power one but instead of it being Austin Power themed it's Dr. Evil themed, which makes it 10 times better by default.

158

Austin Powers: Oh, Behave!
Austin Powers: Oh, Behave!
I wanna find the weirdo at Rockstar who thought it would be a good idea to make a whole GBC game that's just a simulated Austin Powers desktop. Mostly so I can give them like a billion dollars and let their imagination run wild.

159

Kinect Star Wars
Kinect Star Wars
I think the idea is super cool, the only downside is that it's on the Xbox Kinect. You know, the thing that barely even worked most of the time.

160

Star Wars Battlefront II
Star Wars Battlefront II
Yeah no thank you this fucking sucks.

161

Star Wars
Star Wars
Pretty much worse in every way compared to the American NES version, but it does have some weird Japanese jank that can make it funny at times.

162

Watchmen: The End Is Nigh
Watchmen: The End Is Nigh
I mean it's still not the worst bastardization I've seen for this series, Doomsday Clock still exist.

163

Middle-earth: Shadow of War
Middle-earth: Shadow of War
Took all the interesting bits of the first game and just watered it down and made it boring.

164

Futurama
Futurama
As someone who champions Futurama as “better than The Simpsons” this is the most disappointing I’ve felt in a good while. Now did I expect this game to be great, no; this was a game released less then a month after the show’s first cancellation and as a game itself it feels like a rushed job with the writers not really understanding what writing a video game is like. The cutscenes are really funny and are the highlight of the game but after their done you get to play one of the strangest 3D platformers I’ve ever played, this game is really hard for me to talk about all I can really say is it’s one of those play it for yourself type shitty games; where the controls are both slippery and stiff, and the jumping is both heavy and floaty while also being generally unresponsive.
If you for some reason actually wanna play this game just watch the cutscenes online, it’ll be a more fun experience then playing through this. (at least the Zoidberg Crash Hog riding rip-off level was decent)

165

Adventure Time: Explore the Dungeon Because I Don't Know!
Adventure Time: Explore the Dungeon Because I Don't Know!
It’s pretty amazing that even after making a game that did a really job adapting the source material along with having most of the voice cast come back to reprise their roles, you somehow made a game that feels like it has nothing to do with Adventure Time outside of having the characters and some references.

166

Deadpool
Deadpool
The game that popularized the character and simultaneously ruined him at the same time. On top of that it's also repetitive as shit and super unfunny. Thanks I hate it.

167

The Walking Dead: A New Frontier
The Walking Dead: A New Frontier
Not only did it really derail the story and characters they were working with, but it also shows off the depressing decline of quality Telltale was going through at the time.

168

Ghostbusters II
Ghostbusters II
idk about you but I think license games on NES just suck.

169

Spy Muppets: License to Croak
Spy Muppets: License to Croak
I've played better shitty minigame collections.

170

Sneak King
Sneak King
If I saw this man on the street and snuck up to me and gave me a sandwich I'd punch in the throat out of pure instinct.

171

Cobra Kai: The Karate Kid Saga Continues
Cobra Kai: The Karate Kid Saga Continues
I don't give a shit about this show so I don't even know why I played it, but needles to say it was still really bad.

172

Spider-Man 3
Spider-Man 3
while over the years the movie has grown on me, this game has only gotten worse and worse with each passing year.

173

Jump Force
Jump Force
I don't even understand how this could have even turn out so awful. Like this is the Endgame of Anime games this should have been the best of the best how did this be so shitty.

174

Batman: Arkham Origins Blackgate
Batman: Arkham Origins Blackgate
look son I'm not mad at you, I'm just disappointed that's all.

175

Spongebob Squarepants: Plankton's Robotic Revenge
Spongebob Squarepants: Plankton's Robotic Revenge
It's pretty much just Ratchet and Clank but lacking everything that makes video games fun.

176

Marvel Ultimate Alliance 3: The Black Order
Marvel Ultimate Alliance 3: The Black Order
You had so much potential and squandered all of it, I'm so disappointed in you.

177

Ben 10: Power Trip
Ben 10: Power Trip
A super empty open-world game that is somehow more empty than a Ubisoft game.

178

Ben 10
Ben 10
I acually honest to god finished this game in less than 30 minutes and I wasn't even trying that much.

179

Spider-Man: Homecoming - Virtual Reality Experience
Spider-Man: Homecoming - Virtual Reality Experience
Less of a game and more of a tech demo.

180

The Muppets: On with the Show!
The Muppets: On with the Show!
If I were being honest I gave up within the first 45 minutes, and I don't give up so easily so that's a huge accomplishment coming from me.

181

Fight Club
Fight Club
This game is generally terrible but you can play as Fred Durst soooooo it's get's an extra star just for that addition.

182

Gorillaz - Escape to Plastic Beach
Gorillaz - Escape to Plastic Beach
I remember playing this on my old iPod Touch when I was in middle during my huge Gorillaz phase. The copium I was taking just justified me even playing it was so strong; in retrospect I feel really sorry for 14 year old STRM.

183

The Bugs Bunny Birthday Blowout
The Bugs Bunny Birthday Blowout
I spent the very little time I have left on this earth playing this game.

Idk why I did this but oh well

184

Fester's Quest
Fester's Quest
Fester’s Quest is considered to be up there as one of the worse games the NES has to offer, with it’s god awful controls to it’s amazing “Where the fuck do I go” level design, and it’s ever ending amount of enemies that will drain your heath in less then 2 hits. Now don’t get me wrong this is 100% a BAD GAME, but compared to other NES games I’ve played in the past this is far from the worst thing ever; and this game doesn't even come close to the likes of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde or TMNT.

185

Muppet Pinball Mayhem
Muppet Pinball Mayhem
It's just Pinball.........................................................................................................................................................

186

Doctor Who and the Warlord
Doctor Who and the Warlord
A pretty basic text-based adventure game with little bits of Doctor Who charm sprinkled in.
Honestly the game is so basic I can't even come up with a witty joke for it.

187

Star Wars: Jedi Arena
Star Wars: Jedi Arena
I still to this day don't know how this game even works, and after 6 years I'm gonna blame the game on this one rather than my own incompetence.

188

A Nightmare on Elm Street
A Nightmare on Elm Street
actually broken to the point where I couldn't finish the game.

189

Friday the 13th
Friday the 13th
My boy Jason deserves better than this.

190

Godzilla 2: War of the Monsters
Godzilla 2: War of the Monsters
So now you've taken this 2D fighter/platformer and you've turned it into a top-down military strategy RPG with a slot machine instead of normal attacks, and it's really confusing and convoluted. Like I tracked the manual for this game down, and I still didn't understand how to play this game.

191

Pepsiman
Pepsiman
Pepsi owns my soul

192

Santa Claus is Comin' to Town
Santa Claus is Comin' to Town
You're basic Wii shovelware slock, I'm still baffled at the mere existence of this as a game.

193

Ghostbusters
Ghostbusters
Ghostbusters?
How about you go bust some bitches.

194

Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite
Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite
You were doing great after MVC3 what the fuck happend.

195

Shrek the Third
Shrek the Third
I somehow have 3 copies of this game and for the life of me I don't know why.

196

Saw
Saw
It's Saw in it's purest form, too bad I don't like Saw.

197

The Walking Dead: Season Two
The Walking Dead: Season Two
A confusing mess of 3 different scrips slap dashed togather with almot no effort to make each episode connect togather in some way.

198

Family Guy Video Game!
Family Guy Video Game!
About as fun to play as Fallout 4, IE not very fun.

199

Celebrity Deathmatch
Celebrity Deathmatch
RIP Jerry Springer, you were too wild for this world.

200

3 Comments


BFBB should be higher and where is Hit and Run

2 years ago

sam and max this high is mega based
Seeing I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream one space before The Simpson's game lmao


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