The Magnum Dong Licensed Game List

Licensed games are like assholes; everyone's got them, but what matters is what asshole is better than the other asshole. Did that analogy make any sense, No? Too bad that's the best I can come up with.

(This list will never truly be finished since I can't play every licensed game ever made so I'm gonna be updating this game periodically as I play more or log more that I forgot to log in.)

Cyberpunk 2077
Cyberpunk 2077
How many of you motherfucker even knew this was a licensed game, maybe if you did you wouldn't have your expectations so unrealistically high.
Marvel's Spider-Man
Marvel's Spider-Man
is realll good.
Marvel's Spider-Man 2
Marvel's Spider-Man 2
It alright, it not subtle or nuanced, it tasteless and lukewarm.........naa that's being a bit too mean.
The truth is I did enjoy this game quite a bit, the combat is still pretty solid, the side missions feel less like filler and more like proper missions, everything with Kraven is fantastic, and side stuff with Peter's former villains are all really great and do a better job delivering the game's overall narrative themes better than the main story to an extent. I feel like the further we get into the story the worse it gets and the more rushed it feels. I genuinely believe if you gave the symbiote arc more time to breath, made Venom less of a one note villain, and actually found something for Miles to do in the main story besides getting over his anger towards Mr. Negative you could've had something really special on your hands, and I know that for a fact since Kraven is by far the best part of the game hands down, Insomniac did their homework and then some like holy shit.
All and all a perfectly serviceable sequel that I wished tried a little bit harder
(Wake me up when Arkane's Blade comes out in 4 years)
Marvel's Spider-Man: Miles Morales
Marvel's Spider-Man: Miles Morales
It's the same great game but shorter and with slightly better combat, just wished its story and characters reached the same unbelievable heights as the first game.
Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order
Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order
It's the same stiff Dark Souls combat but with a Star Wars skin on it, and if that's you're cup of tea then have fun. Personally, eeehhh it's pretty ok.
Batman: Arkham Asylum
Batman: Arkham Asylum
No Clayface 8/10.
Batman: Arkham City
Batman: Arkham City
The only piece of Batman related media that actually used Clayface in a meaningful manner. Because of this (also because it's just an actually good game) it's getting a 10/10
Batman: Arkham Knight
Batman: Arkham Knight
As the ending to the Arkham series it's kinda shit. As a new game in the Arkham series, it's pretty ok.

No Clayface 7/10
Hogwarts Legacy
Hogwarts Legacy
It’s literally every single AAA open world “RPG” but this time it has an expensive license video games sheen.
Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy
Marvel's Guardians of the Galaxy
Went in with zero expectations and came out pleasantly surprised.
The Walking Dead
The Walking Dead
The best game I've seen in a long time that tried doing the Story centered Choice-based game.
MultiVersus
MultiVersus
I got banned from thus game by using cosmetic mods lol.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredder's Revenge
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredder's Revenge
Take every single element of the older TMNT beat-em-up games and turns everything up to 11.
The visuals and sprite work is outstanding, it does such a good job replicating the look of the 80's show right down to the background looking like they were done with watercolor.
The OST is also amazing, knowing that Tee Lopes did the work on this makes a lot of sense since he's really good when it comes to capturing the tone and sound on specific projects he works on. (side note: never before did I think I'd hear Wu-Tang Clan in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles video game but here we are).

This is the perfect TMNT game through and through.
LEGO Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga
LEGO Star Wars: The Skywalker Saga
By no means is this game bad, hell even with all its faults I still think this is probably the best Lego game we've had in a long time; but with that being said I feel like it might be a little too ambitious for its own good.
South Park: The Stick of Truth
South Park: The Stick of Truth
It's the closest a game has ever been when it came to putting you into the actual show itself while also just being a great game as well.
Alien: Isolation
Alien: Isolation
It's a fantastic game from the first 5 hours, after that it stops being scary and just becomes a slog to get through, there is no reason why this game should be 25 hours long.
Batman: Arkham Origins
Batman: Arkham Origins
The most tedious and by the numbers Arkham game to date, at least the setting is pretty great.

No Clayface 4/10
LEGO Star Wars: The Complete Saga
LEGO Star Wars: The Complete Saga
This is a Certified Hood Classic
Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor
Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor
The Mcdonalds of video games, IE it's bland and boring as fuck but the only reason you eat it is because of the recognizable name.
Star Wars Battlefront II
Star Wars Battlefront II
Yeah no thank you this fucking sucks.
Star Wars: The Force Unleashed
Star Wars: The Force Unleashed
Pretty fun if it's a little repetitive god of war clone.
The Simpsons: Hit & Run
The Simpsons: Hit & Run
I'll always find the first few hours of this game to be a fon nostalgic memory, the last few hours and pure pain.
The Walking Dead: Season Two
The Walking Dead: Season Two
A confusing mess of 3 different scrips slap dashed togather with almot no effort to make each episode connect togather in some way.
Middle-earth: Shadow of War
Middle-earth: Shadow of War
Took all the interesting bits of the first game and just watered it down and made it boring.
South Park: The Fractured But Whole
South Park: The Fractured But Whole
Modern-day South Park depresses the shit out of me man.
Mad Max
Mad Max
It's a generic open-world game that has faithful iconography, and a story that feels like it could've been a real Mad Max movie.
Spider-Man 2
Spider-Man 2
Pure movie game kino.
Gotham Knights
Gotham Knights
𝐖𝐡𝐲 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐑𝐞𝐝𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐝 𝐁𝐨𝐲?
RoboCop: Rogue City
RoboCop: Rogue City
As a huge Robocop fan this game was high on my list of things I really wanted to get excited for but just didn't because I've been burned before in the past and hype always leads to disappointment. So it's very fulfilling to finally get to play a Robocop game that's not only really good but also has that classic charm that I always loved from the movies.
Spider-Man
Spider-Man
It's a classic on the PS1, I just feel like most PS1 games have aged pretty poorly.
Ultimate Spider-Man
Ultimate Spider-Man
You can play as Venom and eat kids so of course it's better than Spider-Man 2
Star Wars Battlefront
Star Wars Battlefront
A third-person/first-person shooter made for people who don't like shooters.
The Walking Dead: The Final Season
The Walking Dead: The Final Season
A pretty decent finally to the series and a super depression end to Telltale.
Star Wars: The Force Unleashed II
Star Wars: The Force Unleashed II
Inferior in pretty much every way, while it's still fun; I wouldn't say it's awful, but unlike the first game it gets old really fast and it's only 5 hours long so idk what the hell happened
The Walking Dead: A New Frontier
The Walking Dead: A New Frontier
Not only did it really derail the story and characters they were working with, but it also shows off the depressing decline of quality Telltale was going through at the time.
Marvel's Avengers
Marvel's Avengers
The antithesis with everything wrong with modern AAA gaming.
Deadpool
Deadpool
The game that popularized the character and simultaneously ruined him at the same time. On top of that it's also repetitive as shit and super unfunny. Thanks I hate it.
LEGO Star Wars: The Video Game
LEGO Star Wars: The Video Game
The best thing to come out of the prequals.
I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream
I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream
A truly hunting and horrifying point and click game. I love this shit so much.
Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions
Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions
I've always liked the multiverse Spider-Mna stuff, and seeing all the different versions of Spider-Man's rogues gallery is neat, I just wished the gameplay and level design were as good.
LEGO Star Wars III: The Clone Wars
LEGO Star Wars III: The Clone Wars
I remember playing this a little but not nearly as much as the other Lego Star Wars games. That might be because a lot of the levels are a lot more boring and less memorable.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle For Bikini Bottom
SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle For Bikini Bottom
It's a classic what else can I say about it.
Spider-Man: Web of Shadows
Spider-Man: Web of Shadows
Look it has Venom and Moon Knight in it so it's pretty fucking kino
Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl
Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl
Hey you want Smash Bros but without the polish and made from the perspective of melee fans only.
Star Wars: Squadrons
Star Wars: Squadrons
It's the ship parts of Battlefront 2 but made into a whole game, never been a fan of the ship parts so shockingly not a huge fan of this either.
Epic Mickey
Epic Mickey
Filled to the brim with charm, style, and a crazy amount of amazing ideas. I just wished its gameplay was anything to write home about.
Jump Force
Jump Force
I don't even understand how this could have even turn out so awful. Like this is the Endgame of Anime games this should have been the best of the best how did this be so shitty.
Spider-Man
Spider-Man
Compared to other Spider-Men games this feels the most like a rushed tie-in game. Which I mean it is but other games have been able to hide it better than others.
LEGO Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy
LEGO Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy
The stupid amount of memory I have from this game is insane. Just the pure raw creativity that is oozing out is really inspiring.
The Simpsons Game
The Simpsons Game
Everyone will simp for Hit and run until the day when it gets a remaster but where will you be when the world is burning and The Simpsons Game will come to bring you to salvation. I know where I'll be. Do You?
The Darkness II
The Darkness II
The comics are 90's as shit and not in the good way. So this feels like a good mix of The Sopranos and HP Lovecraft and somehow it feels 10 times better
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: The Game
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World: The Game
I have a problem..............I generally love the shit out of this game.
LEGO DC Super-Villains
LEGO DC Super-Villains
It's only of the very few newer LEGO games that I actually liked a lot, which is telling since most of the newer ones just bore me.
Pepsiman
Pepsiman
Pepsi owns my soul
Friday the 13th: The Game
Friday the 13th: The Game
It's the most fun I've ever had with friends with a multiplayer game. This will always have a place in my heart.
DuckTales: Remastered
DuckTales: Remastered
Truly this was......... a DuckTale
Spider-Man 3
Spider-Man 3
while over the years the movie has grown on me, this game has only gotten worse and worse with each passing year.
The Walking Dead: Michonne
The Walking Dead: Michonne
Don't really care all that much about this one, I was just really bored by it.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time
(The SNES Version)
Nothing will ever top this game's OST, it has no reason to go so fucking hard but it does and it's amazing for it.
Epic Mickey 2: The Power of Two
Epic Mickey 2: The Power of Two
A downgrade in almost every way. Its world and story feels less ambitious, its gameplay is more simplistic, the writing is dull, the AI for Oswald is awful almost making it mandatory to play with someone, and worst of all; it's just boring.
The Amazing Spider-Man 2
The Amazing Spider-Man 2
This game sucks my Spider-Balls.
The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie
The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie
I don't find this nearly as good as BFBB, but it does end with me fighting the final boss on the back of a big hairy dude and I think that's kinda hot so it's getting an 8.
The Amazing Spider-Man
The Amazing Spider-Man
Slightly better than the movie but not by much.
Transformers: Devastation
Transformers: Devastation
This game quite honestly has no reason to be as good as it is. The chel shading art style is on point, everything about its combat is super solid. Really the only thing I can criticize is mostly just getting a bit to repetitive after awhile since unlike other Platinum Games combat loop, but it’s not like it really matters since the game is like 3 hours long, there's really little reason to replay the game as well other than to get a better score on the levels. I guess if you’re a dieheart Gen 1 Transformers fan you’d get a kick out of it but good luck trying to find it, it’s been delisted for all online storefront and finding a cheap steam key is even harder. Honestly I don’t even know why I own this game since I’m not even that big of a Transformers fan (I’m more of a Ninja Turtles kind of person) I just sorta had this in a PS4 library as if it magically apprised there out of thin air.
Oh well I’m not gonna complain, I may not have PT but at least I have this.
The Simpsons: Road Rage
The Simpsons: Road Rage
It's pretty much just Crazy Taxi but with a Simpson's skin, I don't know who asked for this in 2001 but hey they made it.
The Simpsons Arcade Game
The Simpsons Arcade Game
It's just one of those classic play with friends arcade games where it's not about the combos or the points, it's about playing with some friends as you beat the ever-loving shit out of everyone in sight, and really isn't that what friendship is all about.
Spider-Man 2: Enter Electro
Spider-Man 2: Enter Electro
it's pretty much just the same as the first only with less interesting levels and fewer of Spidey's rogues gallery.
Spider-Man: Friend or Foe
Spider-Man: Friend or Foe
Besides having the novelty of playing as Spidy's rouges gallery it's a super mindless beat-em-up with very little replay value.
Ghost Rider
Ghost Rider
It's a beat-for-beat clone of all of GoW's mechanics right down to the combos;' BUT, if you're gonna rip-off another game at least you did it with a good effort. Other than that the story is none existent and the enemy variety is very eh.

Not great but not the worst thing I've ever played
Transformers: The Game
Transformers: The Game
This game captured the movie in the best way possible, destroying stuff looks fun……………that’s it.
Aliens vs. Predator
Aliens vs. Predator
Marines Campaign: It's reminiscent of almost every other dark grimy FPS of its era, at most it's just boring.

Xenomorph Campaign: Underwhelming Arkham stealth system mixed together with a character who moves too fast, and can climb on almost all surfaces, making it more of a challenge of not throwing up rather than a challenge on the game's part. It's the worst campaign of the 3.

Predator Campaign: The most fun I've had during the whole game. If they made the hand-to-hand combat better and the AI more responsive it would've been perfect.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Lights, Camera, Pants!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Lights, Camera, Pants!
Surprisingly not the worst party/minigame collection I've ever played. It's not gonna be the new Mario party or anything but if you were a kid back in the 2000s (like me) then I'm sure you'd would have loved it.
Super Star Wars
Super Star Wars
This is very much one of those types of games where you really need to stick with it. The most infamous part of these games is how brutally hard they all are, and honestly; if you gave up on the first level I wouldn't blame you. The funny thing is the game gets a lot better after the awful first level on Tatooine, the platforming gets slightly more forgiving, the enemies stop spamming you, you get access to more characters that can make the game more manageable, and the levels that utilize superFX chip are "alright"; it really does it better after the first level. Also oh my god this game looks really fucking good, I sometimes forget how great SNES can look sometimes.
Back to the Future: The Game
Back to the Future: The Game
I have a super soft spot for this game, mostly because of nostalgia but still, it remands a staple of Telltale's older years, even if you can't buy it anymore.
Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite
Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite
You were doing great after MVC3 what the fuck happend.
Transformers: War for Cybertron
Transformers: War for Cybertron
I find War for Cybertron really frustrating. On the one hand I think its visuals look really nice and stay pretty faithful to the G1 look while also still giving it their own unique spin on the characters on the other hand the typical 7th gen gray filter makes it hard to shoot enemies when they also blend into the background making the game more frustrating than challenging.
On one hand I think the run and gun play is fun and really refreshing when it came to other 7th gen cover based shooters that were never good like Uncharted 1 or GoW, on the other hand it still plays like a stiff 7th gen shooter and unlike other games it resembles like Vanquish it’s slow and sluggish with enemies that are just bullet spongy enough to feel annoying. Along with that the arena level layouts all just suck. They feel very much gated into one way of progression and with how easily you can die if you’re not always on your feet the gameplay gets boring really REALLY fast.
On one hand I think the story is really neat, being able to see the origins of character relationships and events unfolding that I’m assuming the G1 show had in it’s lore (I’ve never seen any piece of Transformers media I just think the robots look cool), on the other hand the game’s pacing is really shit and having the Decepticon campaign start off the game really didn’t help since the beginning of the game is really weak; it only started it get better with the Autobot campaign but by that point the game is almost over and idk if it’s just a me thing but I just wasn't grip by the story personally.
If you can’t tell, I'm not a Transformers fan and I don’t really have any attachment to these
SpongeBob SquarePants: Creature From the Krusty Krab
SpongeBob SquarePants: Creature From the Krusty Krab
Macrophilia Plankton Fetish.
No I will not explain.
Sam & Max Hit the Road
Sam & Max Hit the Road
Do not trust these people with any help you need they're fucking crazy and will find some way to kill you or make your life worse in the process.
Ghostbusters: The Video Game
Ghostbusters: The Video Game
It's everything a Ghostbusters fan could ever ask for.
Transformers: Fall of Cybertron
Transformers: Fall of Cybertron
It took everything I had a problem with with War of Cybertron and just made them better and smoother.
Family Guy Video Game!
Family Guy Video Game!
About as fun to play as Fallout 4, IE not very fun.
The Punisher
The Punisher
Probably one of the best comics book character adaptation in sprite.
Marvel Ultimate Alliance 3: The Black Order
Marvel Ultimate Alliance 3: The Black Order
You had so much potential and squandered all of it, I'm so disappointed in you.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The HyperStone Heist
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The HyperStone Heist
I really don't like the Sega Genesis so to me this is an inferior version almost every way to TMNTTIT.
Disney Infinity
Disney Infinity
The Pirates world was pretty cool but other than that this feels pretty bare bones compared to what Skylanders was doing.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
This has some of the most horrid level design I think I've ever seen in a video game.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Revenge of the Flying Dutchman
SpongeBob SquarePants: Revenge of the Flying Dutchman
That jellyfish fields theme has hunted my childhood, and it's still there taunting me.
The Simpsons Wrestling
The Simpsons Wrestling
Flanders is the most powerful character in fiction.
Spider-Man: Edge of Time
Spider-Man: Edge of Time
From the same game director who would later on being us Mass Effect Andromeda gives us the most boring of the Activision, but still not the worst.
The Simpsons: Bart's Nightmare
The Simpsons: Bart's Nightmare
On paper, this could have been a fun game but in execution it's super janky and bad. Really the most memorable thing about this game is that one time Doug Walker played it and got shit for being bad at a bad game.
The Simpsons: Bart vs. The Space Mutants
The Simpsons: Bart vs. The Space Mutants
I still stand by my statement "Besides the handful of memorable titles on the system almost every NES game is either bad or woefully outdated", and this game has continued to prove me right.
J-Stars Victory Vs+
J-Stars Victory Vs+
Anime was a mistake.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III: The Manhattan Project
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III: The Manhattan Project
It's the best of the NES TMNT games but my main problem is that it's still a beaten-up game on NES, most NES games have not aged very well and this one has also aged quite a bit.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Arcade Game
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Arcade Game
It's pretty much what you'd expect from an NES version of an arcade game.
Super Star Wars: Return of the Jedi
Super Star Wars: Return of the Jedi
This is hands down the best of the Super Star Wars games. Its level design is the perfect blend of challenging and rewarding, its gameplay is finely tuned to a T, its superFX chip missions are the best (with the exception of the Endor speeder bikes mission that one just sucks), and oh my god; this is honestly one of the best looking SNES games I've ever seen, the fight with the Rancor looks amazing not even just for SNES standers.
Is the game still ball bustly hard- yeah a little
Does the first level still the worst level of the game- once again yeah it is.
Regardless If you were to ask me which one to get into I'd say start with this one.
The Nightmare Before Christmas: Oogie's Revenge
The Nightmare Before Christmas: Oogie's Revenge
Still better than DMC 2 in almost every way.
TMNT
TMNT
I played this game a lot as a kid, on a replay it didn't really recapture the nostalgia I had but it was still pretty ok.
Batman: Arkham VR
Batman: Arkham VR
One of the most boring VR games I've played. It has a fun novelty but it wears off very quickly.
Shrek the Third
Shrek the Third
I somehow have 3 copies of this game and for the life of me I don't know why.
The Simpsons Skateboarding
The Simpsons Skateboarding
Bad skateboarding games are like bad friends, everyone has one and they always leave you with a bad taste in your mouth.

3 Comments


BFBB should be higher and where is Hit and Run

2 years ago

sam and max this high is mega based
Seeing I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream one space before The Simpson's game lmao


Last updated: