Scooz
2003
this PS2 game looks better than the vast majority of modern games AND it has a quirky girl being exposed to horrors. what happened to video games?
2022
i was terrified learning Elden Ring would be open world. it's a type of game that is rarely ever exciting, the peak open world in games to many is Breath of the Wild's but that game had no sauce. i never walked around in Breath of the Wild and found something so cool id message people up about it, i never got excited from its world. and i was afraid Fromsoft wouldn't be able to pull it off.
they obviously did. Elden Ring's world design is the best I've seen in an open world game. EVERY part of the map is purposeful, every turn has something new and exciting to find. there's shit in here that's just magic to witness, full of the heart and personality people love from Fromsoft. you're not gonna see a cliff and climb it only to find a disposable sword that breaks in two hits or a collectable to write off a checklist, you'll find weapons so cool you'll want to play the game again to build for them, devious traps n foolish fuckers that'll kick your ass, or entire new areas and bosses tucked away into every one of its beautiful folds. and it is beautiful. Elden Ring's art direction and visuals are gorgeous, not the best optimised but breathtaking nonetheless.
only complaint is with bosses. dungeons reuse bosses often, and while sometimes they do so in very creative ways, sometimes you'll just fight that guy from before but with another one. in particular, fuck the foreskin boys and the Crucible Knights. a singular Crucible Knight was enough to be far and away the first area's most threatening boss (for me at least) and having to fight more than one makes me want to shrivel up and die. difficulty has become part of this series' (Elden Soulsborne? idk what to call it) identity but i think Elden Ring steps over the line in a few regards. enemies like the Crucible Knight have next to no safe windows for you to approach and never stop attacking in general, which is a design philosophy that carries over to some of the bosses as well. straight up could barely touch Mikaleth for instance, i think some aspects of the game's difficulty could be lowered and the game would be better for it. I've beaten every boss in this series so far but this game tested me and i mostly loved it.
they obviously did. Elden Ring's world design is the best I've seen in an open world game. EVERY part of the map is purposeful, every turn has something new and exciting to find. there's shit in here that's just magic to witness, full of the heart and personality people love from Fromsoft. you're not gonna see a cliff and climb it only to find a disposable sword that breaks in two hits or a collectable to write off a checklist, you'll find weapons so cool you'll want to play the game again to build for them, devious traps n foolish fuckers that'll kick your ass, or entire new areas and bosses tucked away into every one of its beautiful folds. and it is beautiful. Elden Ring's art direction and visuals are gorgeous, not the best optimised but breathtaking nonetheless.
only complaint is with bosses. dungeons reuse bosses often, and while sometimes they do so in very creative ways, sometimes you'll just fight that guy from before but with another one. in particular, fuck the foreskin boys and the Crucible Knights. a singular Crucible Knight was enough to be far and away the first area's most threatening boss (for me at least) and having to fight more than one makes me want to shrivel up and die. difficulty has become part of this series' (Elden Soulsborne? idk what to call it) identity but i think Elden Ring steps over the line in a few regards. enemies like the Crucible Knight have next to no safe windows for you to approach and never stop attacking in general, which is a design philosophy that carries over to some of the bosses as well. straight up could barely touch Mikaleth for instance, i think some aspects of the game's difficulty could be lowered and the game would be better for it. I've beaten every boss in this series so far but this game tested me and i mostly loved it.
2001
you could release the soundtrack with a couple features RIGHT NOW and it'd win all the oscars grammys. this OST goes WAYYYY too hard for a cute rapping dog game, it's a genuine crime we never got to witness them go further, to witness a beauty beyond Romantic Love's instrumental and its corny bars.
everything about this game just feels good. like, it plays a thousand times more responsive and smooth than the original. Rodney Greenblat's designs are so colourful and appealing, all these dudes are so CUTE i wanna buy marketable goods of em all. and the music. GOD. if you play through the song 'Big' and don't love this game, it's over for you.
everything about this game just feels good. like, it plays a thousand times more responsive and smooth than the original. Rodney Greenblat's designs are so colourful and appealing, all these dudes are so CUTE i wanna buy marketable goods of em all. and the music. GOD. if you play through the song 'Big' and don't love this game, it's over for you.
2012
i have vivid memories of talking about this game with my future boyfriend in middle school while this creepy guy walked slightly behind listening to us before i threatened to beat his face into the pavement. in other words, this game was one me and my boyfriend bonded over and i'm very glad for that. this is, without a doubt in my mind, the best game nintendo ever made and i wish i could play it again without playing it on the 3ds. every character is so entertaining, the dynamics of the cast are pure joy and it's a shame there isn't more of them. the flying sections are some of the best of their genre, full of spectacle and setpieces that fuckin rule. the on foot levels, while they could benefit the most from new controls, are fun as hell. every level is memorable, infinitely replayable with challenges and rewards for the weapon system that i actually found fun and exciting. this game is like nothing else, it's the best game nintendo ever made/published and i'm real glad it exists and that i beat that guy's face and that i have a cute boyfriend in part because of it. port it right now, nintendo. we don't need Splatoon 4 or Fire Emblem: Age of the Castle Dragon of Fate - we need the Kid Icarus Uprising in HD with controls for humans.
2010
i played this before watching Twin Peaks and holy shit its comical how purely shameless some of it is - for instance, how the second victim was Anna's best friend who's dating a motorcycle enthusiast who gets caught with drugs in his motorbike gas tank. and there's a lot like that here, but the more the game goes on the more it finds its own identity. by the end, it's something completely different and very great. like how in its final stretch the game just decides, fuck it, we got boss fights now. stuff gets insane and it kicks ass and i love it dearly.
2010
the most rancid, accursed odor a game has ever had. memories of a time when boys in your grade would laugh at Smosh videos and fight over yogurt tubes. of when eminem was the mainstream face of rap. a time where tobuscus was a guy who made epic parody songs and wasn't a guy who sexually assaulted people and melted his brain on drugs and conservative tweets. when pizza hut was fine dining. fruit gushers shared in humid computer classrooms. a time of pixar DVDs your mom's friend's husband burnt. a time of accursed rituals n goosebumps books n shit. just rancid.
This review contains spoilers
i absolutely adore the original game to pieces and i vividly remember watching that September 2019 nintendo direct and jumping off the couch screaming when i saw motherfucking Francis York Morgan show up. it was like a dream come true, one of my favourite wacky video games somehow getting a sequel.
unfortunately, it was a genuinely straining experience to play. the story here just does not hit. the first game is largely a Twin Peaks S1/2 ripoff but it has a ton of charm and ends up being its own thing by the time the credits roll that left a lasting impression on me. Greenvale felt well realized, it felt fun to explore and had a breadth of characters that were exciting and memorable. There are so few characters in DP2 and most of them are stock asset models (INCLUDING THE MAFIA CITY GUY.) in terms of the few actual characters in this one, Patti steals the show. She's great, every time her and York talk is amazing and is far and away the best material in this game. there are hardly any other memorable characters, and some of them are memorable for not good reasons. like the horribly written trans character who is also an incest for some fucking reason (can someone please stop letting Swery write trans characters please), Patti's dad who is cool until he's evil at the very end for a very poorly defined reason, magical voodoo man plot device, and the wacky lol hotel clerk. the eccentricity of DP2 often feels forced, hollow - likely because there is nothing else of substance here. There aren't many people in the town and said town does not feel nearly as alive and fun as Greenvale did, which is fucked considering the difference between the towns on the outside. also helps that DP1 didn't run at consistent sub-10 FPS and look ungodly ugly - it's become part of the weird narrative surrounding DP1 that it was always ugly and performed badly but that's not really true. it was basically a PS2 game on 360, but it ran decently and looked good for what it was and when it was. DP2 looks like a asset flip phone game that'd be named Gand Thief Automobile. just like those kinds of asinine games for sewer people to enjoy, DP2 for some reason ads in stuff like crafting mechanics! the shooting sections of DP1 are arguably its lowest point, but the action bits here are just pathetic. copy-pasted hallways with no real set-pieces or cool enemies or interesting scenarios or just anything, really. there is NOTHING going on in them and i'm deeply sad to say that's representative of the entire game. i loved Deadly Premonition but i wish this game never came out. it was nice seeing York again, the future bits and Patti are fun, but it wasn't worth it. also seriously why the fuck does he keep trying to write trans characters?
unfortunately, it was a genuinely straining experience to play. the story here just does not hit. the first game is largely a Twin Peaks S1/2 ripoff but it has a ton of charm and ends up being its own thing by the time the credits roll that left a lasting impression on me. Greenvale felt well realized, it felt fun to explore and had a breadth of characters that were exciting and memorable. There are so few characters in DP2 and most of them are stock asset models (INCLUDING THE MAFIA CITY GUY.) in terms of the few actual characters in this one, Patti steals the show. She's great, every time her and York talk is amazing and is far and away the best material in this game. there are hardly any other memorable characters, and some of them are memorable for not good reasons. like the horribly written trans character who is also an incest for some fucking reason (can someone please stop letting Swery write trans characters please), Patti's dad who is cool until he's evil at the very end for a very poorly defined reason, magical voodoo man plot device, and the wacky lol hotel clerk. the eccentricity of DP2 often feels forced, hollow - likely because there is nothing else of substance here. There aren't many people in the town and said town does not feel nearly as alive and fun as Greenvale did, which is fucked considering the difference between the towns on the outside. also helps that DP1 didn't run at consistent sub-10 FPS and look ungodly ugly - it's become part of the weird narrative surrounding DP1 that it was always ugly and performed badly but that's not really true. it was basically a PS2 game on 360, but it ran decently and looked good for what it was and when it was. DP2 looks like a asset flip phone game that'd be named Gand Thief Automobile. just like those kinds of asinine games for sewer people to enjoy, DP2 for some reason ads in stuff like crafting mechanics! the shooting sections of DP1 are arguably its lowest point, but the action bits here are just pathetic. copy-pasted hallways with no real set-pieces or cool enemies or interesting scenarios or just anything, really. there is NOTHING going on in them and i'm deeply sad to say that's representative of the entire game. i loved Deadly Premonition but i wish this game never came out. it was nice seeing York again, the future bits and Patti are fun, but it wasn't worth it. also seriously why the fuck does he keep trying to write trans characters?
2018
square enix hire this man
why is Bowser so fuckable in this game. they never wrote him like this again after this point, he's genuinely a very sweet man in this one and they never reached peak Bowser after this. TTYD Bowser? yeah id fuck him but i wouldn't be super happy about it. SMRPG Bowser? Husband material, PERFECTION.
i've been following SLARPG ever since it was a different, worse project and i'm delighted to report that: it fucking rules and you should absolutely play it. SLARPG is one of the best RPGs i've played in years with some of the most fun characters, great writing, and tunes in a video game. i worry some people will write it off as a meme game or cashgrab targeting queer people but it's absolutely not that. SLARPG has, on top of being a great game in its own right, an incredibly earnest and heartfelt story with characters who's identities aren't played for drama, plot twists, or tragedy. shit's just casual and cool and sweet, it's really refreshing. the over-arching story is pretty simple on its face but it's mostly used as a wacky adventure for the cast to get fleshed out and developed. everyone's got some shit going on and it's the kinda shit that a lot of people are probably gonna go "damn she's like me fr fr" towards. it's also the best type of game - a satisfying 15-20 hour RPG that never gets stale and is only the good parts of a game. a real passion project type of game.
SLARPG is also the first RPGmaker game where i can call it an RPGmaker game and NOT mean it derogatorily. SLARPG's combat is remarkably great, even beyond the standards of its engine. each character has a ton of really creative moves that lead to fun experimentation and "oh, wait!" moments. on top of each character's normal moves, there's the spellbooks - a set of equip-able items that give a second moveset of sick magic to its owner. both of these interact with the star power metre, which fills as you perform your RPG role correctly and gives you access to the character's best special moves. the combat never got boring for me, even into the late game when you inevitably find the best way to kill everything it never feels static or tiring. shoutout to Allison's special move that plays one of the best songs i've ever heard in a video game.
i have two complaints. sometimes dialogue can just go on a bit too long, a few jokes don't land as well because of this (the capitalism comment from Allison at the kids' shop for example) and it can make the pacing a little weird. second, it sucks ass that the reaper spellbook has the 'make healing hurt enemies' spell but you can't even target enemies with healing as Melody. that's really it, though.
SLARPG is also the first RPGmaker game where i can call it an RPGmaker game and NOT mean it derogatorily. SLARPG's combat is remarkably great, even beyond the standards of its engine. each character has a ton of really creative moves that lead to fun experimentation and "oh, wait!" moments. on top of each character's normal moves, there's the spellbooks - a set of equip-able items that give a second moveset of sick magic to its owner. both of these interact with the star power metre, which fills as you perform your RPG role correctly and gives you access to the character's best special moves. the combat never got boring for me, even into the late game when you inevitably find the best way to kill everything it never feels static or tiring. shoutout to Allison's special move that plays one of the best songs i've ever heard in a video game.
i have two complaints. sometimes dialogue can just go on a bit too long, a few jokes don't land as well because of this (the capitalism comment from Allison at the kids' shop for example) and it can make the pacing a little weird. second, it sucks ass that the reaper spellbook has the 'make healing hurt enemies' spell but you can't even target enemies with healing as Melody. that's really it, though.
2013
people who like this game play God Hand and reacting like a 11th century pilgrim eating a sour patch kid
2005
world's most deadly polycule
2006
love this game - but some of the characters and writing feel hollow. a departure from the 'young kids adventure' story of EarthBound, where the charm comes from the world and its writing and not your party which are more or less just blank slates, Mother 3 actually has characters and a story with a written main cast. But they're only marginally more written than they were before, I felt like there were a lot of missed opportunities for characters like Kumatora, Lucas, and Duster to really grow as characters. They hardly develop or even really interact over the course of the narrative and it felt a little dissonant contrasted with the plot, which is actually very present and very well written this time around. like you get introduced to these characters with setups and personalities but then they never even talk after that point, it's lame. i wanted to know more about them!!!! I can't help but think of DELTARUNE and how its cast seamlessly develop through their interactions, I think that's something this game would've benefitted from. also, uh, the magypsies. dunno how i feel about those guys. i see why people like em cuz they're ultimately heroic figures but i really don't like that awful fucking sexual assault 'joke' they have, i don't think they were written with any offensive intent but they're defo a lil iffy for a game like this. none of this stops the emotional beats from hitting like a fucking freight train. that ending hurts.
2016
it is so fucked up how good this game is in every regard. i remember dismissing Titanfall when it originally came out as a mecha call of duty and that was the dumbest shit i ever did and i have an account here. the pacing of its story is absolutely fucking sublime - lots of bigger games these days make a big deal out of cinematic elements and try to basically just be movies (most of Sony's big titles) but none of those games feel like playing through a movie the way Titanfall 2 does. it's one of the most purely fun games that has ever existed. i enjoy Apex Legends but it absolutely does not fill this series' hole in my life. this shit's so good it got me to install origin.
opening up smash and seeing the disney copyright and fading to dust within seconds